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Yani Nov 2018
Half past midnight
With inner demons consuming
What I thought invincible wall I built,
Silence is so loud; it's unbearable.

Half past midnight
A thought keeps popping out;
Please stay in that casket,
I don't need you now, not ever.

Half past midnight
It's dark, I can hear you;
I'll just stare at the moon
Hoping to get past this soon.

Half past midnight
I'll just write and write
'til the sound of pen on paper
puts me to sound sleep.
I was just about to breakdown.
Yani Feb 2017
We both tried
We both cried
Love left us, me
Hanging on a twig of a tree
On a cliff that we made
Or so I thought truth laid
About to fall alone
My tears have been long gone
Absorbed by the dryness
Of a heart once in madness.
Yani Dec 2018
Heaven made her
every piece fragile;
little did they know
parts of her were lost.
I think I'm sick.
Yani Oct 2018
A pinch in the heart
An almost torn apart
There's not even a start
Yet it ended so smart.
Yani Jun 2019
"And what if I lost my sight..."

Have you ever wondered how it would feel to be blind?
Without a sense of sight, will you be left behind?
Would the people around you, to you be so kind?

"And what if you've lost sight of me..."

Do you know how the night feels without the moon?
Without the sun on a happy morning in June?
I don't wanna know the answer, it's just so soon.
Questions
Yani Dec 2018
There's this itch I feel
but haven't figured it out yet;
is this a drive to speak for the unspeakable,
or an urge to spill words like blood from a wound?

There's this itch I feel
but haven't figured it out yet;
is this a trigger for a wreck that is to come,
or a spark of idea from a wicked mind I can't own?

There's this itch I feel
but haven't figured it out yet;
I can't scratch it like a card, gambling for a prize,
nor can I treat it with alcohol, poured on rashes or drank in a rush.

There's this itch I feel
but haven't figured it out yet;
it clouds my visionless eyes, naked or on lenses
it agitates my trembling hands, I can't smunpew.
Yani Nov 2018
I poured you a cup of hot tea,
Paired with biscuits for you to see
How special you are to me;
How naive could you possibly be?
Yani Oct 2018
If the world found
a way to let us meet,
on a holy ground, in an event with seats and
intentionally our eyes meet,
I won't see you as
the person I once loved nor the person I still want to have
for you're the person I'll always love
but I didn't need to have.

If the world granted us
a chance to encounter each other's lives,
inside a ride to a reception hall and
happily shakes each other's hands,
I won't regret the day we met nor the day you left;
I'd thank you for leaving me
to give me a chance to meet him.

If the world made us happen,
we'll be standing under ringing bells
but it is impossible;
so as I gaze at the sky,
I won't wish for a chance to be with you
nor a memory without a single trace of you.
I'd wish happiness for the both of us
regardless if we could've happened.

And now I'm telling you this:
Those ‘what if’s once killed me
But I’m glad it led us here.
Yani Oct 2018
Have you ever stumbled upon a flower,
       next to her, you were seated;
       a gaze you never gave,
       and time passed by just like that.
She didn't bloom as you expected her to be,
       shining under the sun's rays,
       a bud that didn't open -- yet
       existing yet not appealing -- she was just about to bloom.
Have you ever stumbled upon a flower,
       as the sun was setting, you stood up;
       "please wait," she was begging
       yet you never loved her so you left.
The shy flower, yes it's tiny
       no one would pick her, no one was there;
       twenty feet, her perfume travelled;
       it was her time to flourish at night.
You never loved that flower,
       neither picked her petals nor sniffed its scent;
       she ended up saying "I love you,"
       with lost worth, is she the unlucky one?

She was a tender perennial, you unlucky one.
Tender perennial: They take a little extra work, but they are worth the effort.
Yani May 2019
A night of drum beating,
maraca shaking and guitar strumming,
who would've thought
that a moment sought
could unveil thousands of possibilities.

The odds in our favor,
without cards on the table,
unstable as it is,
a hope through the night exploded
like jenga blocks stumbled.

With a much wanted polaroid,
comes the 'see you again' likelihood
but take it slow, take it slow;
enjoy the night and each other's sight,
put emotions on hold, don't let it show.

A few selfie and some jokes thrown,
we've explored the streets like its our own;
realized something have grown
yet we say goodbye --
the words we spilled like a mourn.

I can't say its inevitable but free falling unto you is just highly probable.
Plays falling in love at a coffee shop
Yani Oct 2018
The night was freezing,
trees furiously swaying;
I screamed, I called.
Your name echoed, resonated.

Without any answer,
I waited, have you gone away?
Shared memories, have you buried them?
Tell me, "I am here."

I heard you
but you did not call;
upon seeing you, I hugged you
like you've been away for so long...

And for so long you'll be away.
Holding your hands, I felt it.
It's like you've gone to another world;
stricken, my heart felt numb.

For you are so cold
and into the cold ground
I cried, I'd save you
if I could.
Yani Nov 2019
"You have the most expressive eyes," I whispered.
Sigh. I wish you heard it.

I still don't know...
Is it the way your eyes outshine the stars
    whenever you gladly walk me through
    on how your team won a game or two
Or is it the way you lay your soul naked
     to me every time you play a song
     whilst listening, to you I'll doze off so long
That I loved more about you.

I'll never know...
If with the same lens I used to capture you,
     we clicked for a snap second once or twice;
     fragile as we are, have we developed lies?
If the stares during the exchange of wits,
     bear no meaning like a card discarded
     or 1/6 chance of 4 when a thrown dice landed
Will a twisted meaning seem right and wrong at the same time?

"You have the most expressive eyes," you mumbled.

"I love you too."

I cried.
This one is the happy version of eyes. This one's for you my cheeky friend. ☀️
Yani Oct 2018
"You have the most expressive eyes," you said.
Sigh. I believed you.

I still don't know...
Is it the reflection of every bit of me
          from my secrets no words could unfold
          to my shallow happiness, a given sight to behold;
Or is it the sparkles you knew you brought
          that I without a second thought would admit,
          with certainty that you and I would fit
That you loved more about me.

You'll never know...
With the same glass you used to read me through
          I memorized and engraved your complexity
          on tissue folds and pumped blood within me;
With the stares that met and laid us both naked,
          deep, hard and unstoppable I fell;
          but your heart remained calm and still
I ended up hiding and locking myself up in a shelf.

"You have the most expressive eyes," I should say.
It was goodbye; I cried.
Yani Jan 2019
At first there were two,
two just became a multiplier,
of those red fireflies
dancing to the sick beat
of zooom, broooom and wshhhh.

They flied further as I rolled forward;
left to right and right to left
they wiggled, never overlapping;
just above, below or beside the other
it created beautiful chaos.

Trapped in time of ****** stars,
accelerates as orange turns green.
Yellow trails, red fireflies
sped past through me;
everything became blur.

The pair of red fireflies flew unstoppably, and that was the last thing I saw.
Yani Oct 2018
And I cried a little
Maybe a tear or two
With that softly spoken
FAREWELL
From both me and you.
Yani Nov 2018
And I'll stay here
'til I'm found;
I won't fear,
keeping a steady ground.
Your laughs I will hear,
with me liking how you sound.
Soon, please be near
if to me you'll be bound.
Can't help but hope for a better tomorrow. Can't help but to wait for you.
Yani Oct 2018
I can still taste it
          the shot I've always loved;
          the espresso that gave a rush.
By the window, let's not beat around the bush,
          this is a never ending stash;
          hush, intoxicated, drawn into you.
In the end, its aftertaste killed me,
          in silence. I felt so high;
          light, afloat -- empty.
Over a coffee, eyes on me
          you left my heart beating into thin line;
          now I'll let it sleep
Until I'm ready for another shot.
Yani Oct 2018
And they say consistency,
by and large is the key;
then, with just a glitch on being consistent
it killed me consistently.
Yani Oct 2018
Darkness envelops the whole room
Calmness, nowhere to be found;
Neither did silence speak for itself
Nor noise whispered mutely
Wash, bam, it's 2 am.

Waiting for drowsiness to take over
On a tiny bed, I turned and shifted;
Longing for your warmth
To ease my anxious soul
With tight hugs and forehead kisses.

Rain pours wholeheartedly,
Furiously the wind blows;
When lightning struck I was terrified
Of reminiscing a memory of you here with me
Or of learning that you no longer are by my side.

It was both.
Yani Mar 2019
Meet me for sometime,
cut the chase of what ifs and hows;
maybe we'll star in a pantomime
in a world only us knows,
where two is not a prime
but will 'us' be what this encounter follows?
Will we be given a chance?
Yani Dec 2018
"At some point, I was falling for you and I would've fallen hard for you if I chose to; I did not. I chose not to because I don't want your soul scribbled on every paper I have. I chose not to because of the line I've drawn before it even happened. I chose not to because we're better off as friends. We work things better this way and I don't want you to be heard in songs I would and could compose. I chose not to because it will be hard for me to run away from it, from you. You became an exception to my rules and it had to stop there. You were there to calm my storms, how can I thank you enough for that? But you're not meant to sail through it until the calm shore, which wouldn't last for a long time because I myself is a walking disaster, is in view. I just know that you aren't meant for that. We'll still be under the same sky, together in this dimension apart but we'll still look at the same stars and all these won't matter anymore."
Not a poem but an excerpt from a letter I'll never give.
Yani Oct 2018
For a moment or two,
I forgot what we are.
We are but souls
that touched
but never destined
to be twisted in knots.
Yani Oct 2018
Just because
I am always here
Doesn't mean
        I am and will always be here.
Yani Oct 2018
'K'

In every mathematical equation,
          present by any means;
A constant yet it constantly changes
          from chemical reactions showing how compounds dissociate
          to Hooke's Law of Elasticity, stiffness it describes.

"K."

Just like that I know we'll part,
          our equilibrium shifts to the left;
Going back to what we once were,
          barely acknowledging each other's existence,
          strangers passing by; hesitant, stiffly saying hello.

Tell me where do I look
for the value I lost
when K became constant,
constantly we changed.
Yani Oct 2018
You painted my world with words
Words of happiness, love, heartaches
Words of heartaches, pain, tears
An art of nothingness and of played hearts
An almost art turned into ashes
Ashes turned into nothing
Nothing into a nonexistent word

If only that word bloomed into life
Maybe our story could have been printed
Somehow I hoped it would last
But it didn't even had a chance to start
And there are poems I made for you
Yet because of you
I wish this will be the last

You've always made me feel important
I never learned anything at all
'Cause like a star that became a black hole
I felt sorry for myself
I became an empty space
I am sorry
For I loved you...       on my own

I know I still do
But this madness has to end
I shouldn't be involved with you anymore
You who carelessly handled my heart
Made me feel like a Prada on sale;
Without a second thought, you pushed me away
Guarding your own heart but mine.

For always being there for you,
For making you feel special,
For being so annoying and frustrating,
For wanting to be with you always,
For starting those conversations,
For the late night texts I put you through,
I am sorry.

For singing you a lullaby at night,
For loving your voice over the phone,
For loving you;
For loving you more than I love myself,
For my eyes now filled with sadness,
I am so sorry for myself.
This is the last time I'll write about you.
This is the last piece I've ever written for you.
Yani Oct 2018
One day, I'll see you standing
there at the altar; to me, you'll be facing.
It's not just any ordinary day,
my wedding vow I will say;
looking at you, facing to my side,
"You may now kiss the bride."
Happily you said.
Yani Nov 2018
Maybe we're supposed to be
each other's happily ever after;
for I was lost
and I found you.
Bit by bit, I became a part of you
and you, I feared you.
You washed away my tears;
my demons, you gladly welcomed,
then and there
all I wanted was to fall into you.

These feelings, I know
should be kept in a casket;
I am starting to need you too much,
I don't want to rely on you.
You make it so easy to love you
even in the absence of harmony,
like mosaics on display.
Prosaic, we talked way too much;
we're  not soulmates, but loving soullessly.
Gladly, I found you
and I'm not hoping for anything more
but for us to stay like this forever.
Maybe we're meant to touch each other's lives, to add fuel to each other's fire. Maybe we're meant to meet to make each other whole without giving a piece of us to each other.
Yani Nov 2019
Nothing good ever happens after 2 AM.
You should have gone home,
Poured a glass of wine,
Listened to Ted Mosby
As you watched HIMYM.

You should have refused
That cup of coffee,
Exposing your heart out
In the process of enjoying
Whatever ‘that’ you have.

It’s past two in the morning,
Hug that pillow, go to bed.
Sleep now, peacefully
And rest well my heart.
When the clock struck two, you should have gone to sleep.
Yani Oct 2018
Tell me
Where do I go from here
where there's a vast amount of why's and how's

Tell me
How do I get away from here
when I can't even remember how I got stuck in here

Tell me,
Old self
Do you want where I am going?
Yani Oct 2018
After fulfilling my duties as the president,
After studying for our quizzes as a student,
After lifting my friends's spirit, as I meant,
After the long, tiring day, my time spent.

With my mask gone, papers down
Not a smile, nothing but a frown
Who's in the clothes I own?
A soul, a person, to me is unknown.
Why
Yani Oct 2018
Why
Why am I smiling
With a look never ending
Without such reason
I found myself in a season.

Why is my heart tickled
With a swift increasing rhythm
You were just walking near,
I heard your loud chuckles.

Why do I consider your voice a music,
Your hairstyle ultra fantastic
As you look unto my eyes,
Time freezes like an ice.

Why do I look crazy staring at your dimples
Studying your face, haven't found any pimple
Oh, please don't use that smile of yours
I'm not ready to fall down from these stairs.
Yani Jun 2019
I'd like to tell a story
of the worst tasting shrimp
I've eaten this eternity.

It's hard to separate the shell from its meat,
when they seem to go as one
like those words thrown in that beat.

It's gets even harder to swallow,
especially with water draining
out from you in the mellow.

— The End —