⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to suicidal ideation and self-harm ⚠
~
A note to any friends who read this post: while this poem is written in the present tense, please be aware that it is merely a memory I write of--not a present circumstance.

~
They say

cut

d
o
w
n

the

road

if

you

wanna

off

yourself

not across the street

but
  

         I
                          
                      j walk,  slashing
                                                 ­    d
                                                        i
     ­                                                     a
          ­                                                  g
             ­                                                 o
              ­                                                  n        
     ­                                                              a
                                                                ­      l
                                                         ­             

onto thighs like lightning bolts

                     caught in the storm
                                   of this limbo
                                                           ­     cuz
                                                        ­              i don't wanna live
                     but
                            i don't wanna die


either.

⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to self-harm ⚠
~

I would make tally marks
on my wrists
in ballpoint pen
every time something
unfortunate happened.

Got a bad grade?

|

Said the wrong thing?

||

Mistreated by a friend?

|||

Loved someone too hard
(but not be loved back)?

||||

And It was only
under the cover of
privacy
in a washroom stall during class
or under the scalding pour of the shower
or after midnight atop white bed sheets

that I would trace the ink
with a razor blade.

卌

**
"What are those marks," he asked her.

"Oh," she whispered, "Just reminders for something I need to do later."

⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to self-harm ⚠
~

"These violent delights have violent ends."
~William Shakespeare

~

When the crevices
on my wrists
solder themselves together
and the rich, crimson stanzas
become illegible,
I unsheathe my quill--

melancholy's scribe.

The ink clots,
driblets of red
bleeding through these pages

but I keep writing

until
this parchment lies
sweetly torn

and

I smile.

Now,
that's what I call

poetry.

**
How violently delightful.

⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to self-harm ⚠

~

One afternoon
in the tenth grade,
I am sent home from school for
cutting myself.

When I walk through the front door,
I crouch down to pet my dog.
She burrows her nose
against my thighs,
sniffs at them
in gentle bursts of air.

I know she can smell the blood
that has so
stubbornly
fused my nylons
to the lacerations on my flesh.

She stares up at me
with her spacious brown eyes.

In this moment,
she is the only one
who comprehends my sadness
without judgment--

there is only
love.

⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to self-harm ⚠

~

Even when we have Phys Ed outside,
and it is 30 degrees,
I wear a long-sleeved shirt
to class to
bury
the truth of my flesh.

I wonder if this is
what it means to hide
something
in plain sight.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Me!
Me who?

That's right!
What's right?
Meehoo!
That's what I want to know!

What's what you want to know?
Me, WHO?
Yes, exactly!
Exactly what?
Yes, I have an Exactlywatt on a chain!

Exactly what on a chain?
Yes!
Yes what?
No, Exactlywatt!

That's what I want to know!
I told you - Exactlywatt!
Exactly WHAT?
Yes!
Yes what?

Yes, it's with me!
What's with you?
Exactlywatt - that's what's with me.
Me who?
Yes!

GO AWAY!

Knock knock...

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to suicide, self-harm, and eating disorders⚠
------------------------------------------------------­-------------
how do u know if ur having a nervous breakdown
-------------------------------------------------------­------------
signs of a nervous breakdown
-------------------------------------------------------­------------
can u be hospitalized for having a nervous breakdown
-------------------------------------------------------­------------
grounds for admission to a psychiatric ward
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what's it like being admitted to a psychiatric ward
------------------------------------------------------------­-------
thirteen reasons why hannah baker suicide scene
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how do u know if ur having a panic attack
----------------------------------------------------------­---------
are panic attacks and anxiety attacks the same thing
-----------------------------------------------------------­--------
whats the difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack
----------------------------------------------------------­---------
generalized anxiety disorder symptoms
--------------------------------------------------------­-----------
thirteen reasons why hannah baker suicide scene
----------------------------------------------------------------­---
borderline personality disorder symptoms
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
----------------------------------------------------------­---------
why are my hands always cold
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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bipolar disorder symptoms
--------------------------------------------------------­-----------
seroquel side effects
----------------------------------------------------------------­---
does seroquel make you gain weight
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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how to refrain from eating
----------------------------------------------------------­---------
how to force yourself to throw up
--------------------------------------------------------------­-----
eating disorder symptoms
--------------------------------------------------------­-----------
binge eating disorder symptoms
----------------------------------------------------------------­---
bulimia symptoms
----------------------------------------------------------------­---
anorexia symptoms
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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insomnia
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can you overdose on melatonin
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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how did sylvia plath **** herself
---------------------------------------------------------­----------
carbon monoxide poisoning
----------------------------------------------------------------­---
thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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how many advils do I have to take to **** myself
----------------------------------------------------------------­---
thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
----------------------------------------------------------­---------
major depressive disorder symptoms
--------------------------------------------------------­-----------
suicide warning signs
----------------------------------------------------------------­---
IS PATH WARM
----------------------------------------------------------------­---
thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
----------------------------------------------------------------­---
tortured artist
----------------------------------------------------------­---------
why did vincent van gogh cut off his ear
-------------------------------------------------------------­------
virginia woolf suicide note
------------------------------------------------------------­-------
thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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songs about suicide
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thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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thirteen reasons why soundtrack
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billie eilish lovely lyrics
----------------------------------------------------------­---------
thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
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why do I feel so empty
----------------------------------------------------------------­---
thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
----------------------------------------------------------­---------
empty
-------------------------------------------------­------------------
thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists
----------------------------------------------------------­---------
i wish i was dead

⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to self-harm⚠
~
Over the years,
I have cultivated
many an intriguing
hiding spot for my sorrows--
concealed inside of
my phone case;
pressed between
the mattress and the box spring;
wrapped in paper towel
and tucked trepidatiously
beneath my bra strap.

But of them all,
my favourite
was the book--
some fantasy novel
whose name I can't recall,
hollowed out with
a pair of scissors
and a ballpoint pen
to make room
for the razor blade.

It was a secret
that had authored
an entirely new meaning
of paper cuts.

In that moment,
I couldn't have felt
more like a tortured artist.

I couldn't have felt
more like a
poet.

On the mornings
I woke up angry,
I would put on
a thick layer of eyeliner
before I left for school,
eyelids streaked purple,
a violet horizon backdropping  
the contour of my lash line.

I wore my makeup
like war paint
as if to send the message:

You cannot begin
to comprehend
this darkness I carry.

It is not an energy
to be toyed with.

I am not to be toyed with.

Don't you DARE **** with me.