bye bye valentine
you said i was the puppy that everyone wants to touch
but
i wont let them
you were the one with perfect posture
and it makes us all want it
you were the one with all the "**** me"
in you
and you sacrifice it all for yourself
like a feral dog or cat
him as a self reliant fool
me as the everyone else
my sense of possession
my harmless diseases
themselves apparent in waning gibbous moonlight

the mildly pretty one who says
can i get in there?
of course you can
but here in this empty place
even though you're gorgeous ( everyone forgets about beauty and feeling)
even when your that
you're still that
and there might not have conscious

as she sat next to me everyday
i didn't say a word
not because i was afraid of what she could say
but because i knew what she couldn't say


and to think of the parched mind as supplement to my heart beating
take all you need to drown your to your hearts content
the mildew we sprinkled on pretty days
mold inside the walls threatening to bring the health department in
and shut the place down

insect wings wetted by spit flying from your mouth
from talking too much
we're here up in the big blue silver lining waiting for you to come home
waiting for the hammer to come down

we know each other now
and even our sleepless nights are punctuated by thoughts and dreams of each other

lately i've been spending nights awake and days asleep
because i'm unreliable. the night time is quiet and
at four in the morning almost everybody's asleep so i can
spend my time in solitude and sometimes my thoughts get dark
sometimes i hurt the people closest to me but not on purpose
sometimes my mental health speaks for me in a way that i can't
quite explain but you can count on me sleeping through all the
alarms that i set before we meet at the mall to get coffee that
i don't even want because caffeine makes me throw up but
i miss the outside world and i'm sick of my bed but when i leave
i just want to be curled up in a ball underneath a pile of blankets
and asleep, a million miles away in dreamland, the closest
i will ever get to outer space because i'm not really good at science
and i barely passed grade eleven math but in my dreams i can
kiss the stars and i can fly, i can travel through time
sometimes the dreams turn into nightmares
sometimes they get too real
sometimes they last for too long
my subconscious doesn't trust you to say the least because you're
always in my dreams, hurting me in the worst ways possible
and maybe i haven't quite forgiven you yet for all the things you have
put me through, despite my various attempts to move on
there's a bitter hatred that curls around your name whenever it
tears through my throat, rotting my teeth and turning my tongue
dark black but it's only because you weren't wrong when you said
soulmates are real, you are mine and i might not be yours but
i will never be able to forget the way you made me feel and
my days on this earth feel limited, i could die anytime i fall asleep
but i'm no different than anyone else, our probabilities of death
are all the same. it's one hundred percent guaranteed to happen
and the only people that know what happens after you die are
the dead and unless you've got a dead friend willing to share the
answers with you, i don't really know how to get the answer to that
question unless i **** myself but i haven't decided just yet if knowing
the answer is better than living, would you take the blue pill or the
red pill? do you live your life knowing nothing you do matters because
at the end of the day, you're going to be forgotten in a thousand years
anyways and no one will even remember your name and i've always
hated my name so i often ask myself, why not just get a head start?
cons: there are people on this earth that i care about, and who care
about me. there are things i have yet to experience and things i've
never seen. things i've never touched, smelled, heard, or touched.
i've always believed in fate
but lately i've been thinking i took the wrong path

you're in love and you can't get out
there's a twenty dollar fee to leave and your pockets are empty
the exit lines are burnt out and the stores are all closed
locked and gated for the night, you've got nowhere to go but here
you might as well take a seat and get comfortable
because the ride has just begun
there are ups and downs but i'll warn you beforehand
there are more downs than ups but the ups will take you so high
you'll be able to see the moon, the sun, the stars, and all the planets
you'll understand life more than you ever have and
you'll be walking among aliens and soaring with comets
but when you go down you'll meet the devil and your skin
will burn your stomach
will be sick from all the smoke you inhale your skin
will be carved from the devil's pitchfork and branded with his name
hell isn't an eternity, though, the books have got that all wrong
it only feels like one
because happiness is temporary but pain lasts forever
(especially when you're suffering from the disease known as
teen angst)

nobody gets off this ride
sometimes people fall off and from what i've heard
it's almost as painful as staying on and it's like a bad ****** addiction
most people relapse and end up coming right back on
the lucky people find peace, they don't go so high anymore
but they never go so low, either
and sometimes that's enough

but you're not a lucky person and you won't be
it's only been a year since you broke that mirror
so try again in six
but for now you might as well sit back
and enjoy the ride
because you're not going anywhere.

it's been two years and i remember that night through
a drunken haze, but no one ever taught me that no matter who you are
(almost) every drunk person is friendly and that should not be confused
with friendship or even acquaintances

you always said, "drunk men tell no lies,"
but then you would slur, "i swear i'm sober"
i should have known not to believe you
i should know that drunk people are anything but truthful
you just say whatever comes to mind
and two years ago that happened to be, "i want to be burned"
which left me with a scar on the back of my hand
that reminds me of a boy i can't ******* stand

two years ago that happened to be, "i'd like a pack of belmonts, please."
and "yes," when the cashier asked if i wanted king size
i wasn't dumb enough to think i wouldn't get addicted
i never really expected black tar
coming out of my throat
or nicotine making most of the decisions for me
headaches stomach aches anger sadness and suicidal
are all synonyms for withdrawal
yellow stained fingers and an empty wallet
a drug worse than you

two years ago, i asked you to be mine and you said yes
two years ago i thought i had found true happiness and i was naive enough
to think i would be the one person whose first love would last forever
even though you lived miles away
two years later i'm still not sure who broke up with who first
i think you had already broken up with me in your mind
a place i used to go for comfort
two years later you are a complete stranger

two years later i am a complete stranger

two years later

-                             -                               -                          -         -                 -


two years ago
                  
         i went to a party and made some of the biggest

                                                        ­                            dumbest
                             ­                         
                                                                ­                                drunken
                         ­                                                                 ­                      
                                                                ­                                         decisions
                                          
            ­                        of my life
                           but then i have to ask
                              would you go back in time and change it all?
                                                            ­ would i?