last christmas I gave you my heart.
this christmas I forgot you existed

Forever was not for us.
But some parts of me had hope.
But I knew.
I knew I would be the one who got hurt.
And I was.
But I can’t deny my feelings for you.
But no one can know.
They think you are an *******.
But they don’t know you like I do.
I don’t want to miss you because you’re not the same anymore.
But I can’t help it.
You made me so happy when I thought no one could.
But you were different.
You were different and I want the feeling you made me feel back.

hope.
hope for a long time.
hope never again.
hope is not a sure thing.
hope is not knowing.
hope is to delay.
hope is a lie.

I hear you.
I know you’ve been telling your friends **** about me.
I see people looking at me because of you.
But they don’t know what I know.
They don’t know about what you told me.
And they don’t know me.
But I know you.
I hear you.

she disappeared.
in a second she was gone.
without a word.
without a goodbye.
I knew I would see her again.
goodbye means forever.

You lied from the beginning, about everything. You couldn’t even tell me which year you were born.
What makes you think that I would believe you now?
When all I got for 1 year was lies.

I remember every touch, every word, every kiss, every moment.
I remember our phone calls, our jokes.
I remember everything we did.
I kind of want to forget, but at the same time I don’t.
When I look back now I see every embarrassing thing I did, the memories are haunting me.
Somewhere deep inside of me I wish I never met you....

I’m a child of the moon, it knows everything about me. It sees my most vulnerable parts. The parts of me that the sun will never be able to see.
It doesn’t make sense to me, I’m scared of the dark.
But I guess you really do keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

You don’t know the language, the culture or anything. You’re feeling like a lost puppy walking around this new place. I know that, I’ve been there. I am there. But at the end of the day, you’re just the new kid for a while. Soon you will know what you’re doing. Give it time.

She tried to protect the small child inside, did everything she could. Acted like a wall for his words to bounce against, accepted the blame for a behavior which was not her own. Kept her chin up and took on a smile in front of the child, so that the child would not be harmed. In order for this to be successful, no one could know the reason this child was being protected. She constantly stood behind a barrier who kept her from reaching out, all this for the child. It took her a long time to see that these barriers where broken down long ago, matter of fact they might never been there. The child was no longer a child, it was only her. Only her and no one else in reach.

You say you love me, I say you crazy
We're nothing more than friends
You're not my lover, more like a brother

The song you always sang, made me laugh every time.
But I realized, that's us now...

The thought of you makes me want to throw up, a lot.
The boy I used to know, where did he go?
I miss someone who no longer exist, how did it end up like this?
How did we end up like this?

It was like I was two people at the same time.
No one noticed me, no one ever listened.
But at the same time I was the one that couldn’t keep my mouth shut and I was liked by many.
I didn’t really know how to act. Should I scream or suffer in silence?

I can see the horizon.
I can see the ocean.
I can see the beach.
I can see cars driving.
I can see trees.
I can see buildings.
I can see birds flying.
I can see airplanes lift and land.
I can see boats out at sea.
I can see everything.
And yet I can’t see a future with you in it.

Them: “He isn’t answering”
Me: “He is typing slowly”
him answering the second after I said that
Them: “you really know him”

Yes, unfortunately I do. 2 years later, and I still remember little things like that.

what if I disappeared
would you wonder?
would you text me, and ask where I went?
would you call me, if I didn't answer?
would you look for me, when I gave you no sign that I was even alive?
would you be sad? feel that something wasn't right?
or would you just move on with your life and never think of me again?
I understand you.
I wouldn't look for someone that didn't want to be found either.