you felt so soft and safe the first time you caught my eye-- falling so hard and fast into my life.
i can't help but wonder where you are tonight.
i keep you alive through a cd with the plastic wrap still on, hidden in my bookshelf like a secret, buried treasure. once i take the plastic off and listen, part of us will die. so the disc remains unplayed, i only hear you in my mind.
i miss you more than i know how to describe.
will you wing back into my life just as quickly as you arrived?
You're always forging me, to see how far I'll bend. Hammering me down, to see how low I can go. Your heat dances close to me, but I can't let everyone down.
Though you terrify me, I would probably still let you cradle me in your cast iron vice grip and sing me to sleep, like Louis like Ella crooning, when I can't breathe. You could reel me back in with the promise of creating something beautiful and maybe not feeling so empty and alone all the time, but I can't let everyone down.
Your atmosphere ***** at me and I'm dragging my feet through your sludge, plodding forward with my eyes cast down. You know when my mind wanders or when I'm filling my voids, so you can sneak in through the cracks and take your place in my subconscious, but I can't let everyone down.
I try to remind myself why your comfort isn't worth it; like peaking out of my blinds or chatting with insulation (pushing me towards one last line) or fearing the world outside altogether. I'm scared because I know that you're the only thing that has ever felt like home to me, but I can't let everyone down. I can't let everyone down.
didn't hurt me I was already in pain when we met... Let me just say you handed me back my bag of hurt that you had temporarily taken... It was beautiful when I didn't have it so thank you for the while.