i'm just kinda lost-feeling
broken, sad, third-wheeling
i feel hollow
food's hard to swallow
and the small blue pills
don't seem to change me.

i was getting better
wrapping myself in sweaters
laughing as much as i could
if i could smile every day i would
i'm scared, i'm stressed,
i hate getting dressed
and none of my last lines rhyme.

i want to disappear
but i don't want to leave
my unwanted body behind
for someone to find
no one needs to see me
hanging from a tree
or dredged out of a lake.
if only i could dissolve.

We're in the sun and I'm moving from your mouth
to your jeans, we're watching the stars and we're moving
We're going down the green boulevard and we're cruising
you speak Romanian, I speak you, we're going to far
and moving to the beat as one and the wind blows the hair
in my face and I got news for you, I can see you just clearly
as I could before, carefully, barely hanging on and catching movies

I can't keep away from your kiss, back and forth want to feel
the rest of you and all of you can't wait to catch you all alone
we're in the sun and I'm moving from your mouth
to the hole in your heart, tell me how you feel and who you are
you speak barely, your rhythmic breaths tell me all I need to know
waste the day and spend all the time in your pockets, all alone
floating around your head and hanging midair in your palms like
a red balloon

listen, it'll be okay. it will be ok. it will be okay.
so walk down to the lake
but don't think about walking in
and not walking out.
think instead about mermaids. think about fishes that grant wishes.
maybe don't think about anything but the trees.
i know you're tired
i know you hurt. but don't pick up a blade, or some pills.
go to sleep.
someday you'll wake up feeling better.
until then the trees will whisper soothing breeze across your face
as you sit by the lake.

god is dead.
i put him to rest by not believing.
maybe he started the process of creation
maybe he guided evolution
but he's sure as **** not here now.

maybe we should have a funeral.
that's what you do, when people leave
lay them out in a box
pretend they're asleep.

i'm having a funeral in the park tonight.
you should be there.
there'll be a circle of candles
a small raft to set adrift on the dark river
in remembrance
of the time we believed.

i am a cloud that's been forced
into a shape and labeled "girl"
and it doesn't. feel. right.

i'm not supposed to be in this body
this soul doesn't fit in any skin
i was a ghost in another life
someday i will be again

i could just be a black cloud
i could just float around whispering
to kids who feel trapped
like i did.

i could enfold them
let them take rest
give them a minute away from this mess.
but i'm stuck
here, and so are the words in my throat.

we run like radios, communicating on channels of frequencies
but I’m running on a different frequency and I’m alone in the sea of static
it’s so hard to find anyone’s signal just reach out and call SOS
there’s an in-between channel that isn’t always so hard to reach-
it’s filled with jokes and happiness and we all laugh
with the same vibration
but there are days I search for the channel and the laughter just sounds like static
it’s like something’s wrong with my antenna

but we’re not radios, we’re people and we hear the beats of drums.
I hear a different beat than the rest of you
but not a special one just a mix of many songs
clumsy and too loud and full of contradictions
I twist and run and trip and fall trying to follow the beat
but it’s hard because there’s not one beat there’s thousands
and I listen to a different one every minute
they tell us find your one beat one thing to carry you through life
but I choose a new one to try and save me every week.

we’re people, flesh and blood not stone, but we all try to be marble.
we sand ourselves down into perfect statues carve off all the parts we hate
but when you carve off everything that makes you unique you start to look just like everyone else.
so keep those things. try to accept the pieces you don’t like about yourself
find a beat each day that makes you happy no matter what anyone else thinks
and don’t worry. your radio antenna isn’t broken
someday you’ll find a channel whose signal works more often than not
and on the stormy staticky days when it doesn’t
there’ll be someone to hold you so close you don’t need a signal to reach them.