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Mar 14 · 88
Perspective
I Am Indigo Mar 14
Some people choose to write about God
I prefer to write about the things I've seen
both are equally arbitrary and disenchanting
I Am Indigo Mar 14
There’s a door hidden deep in the city
he only comes around when he’s back in town
with one thing on his mind- a victimless crime
he waits patiently, burning to get back inside

A sweet little girl with nothing to say strips off her clothes
words only get in the way
she’s down on the floor grabbing his flesh
she knows what to do it’s what she does best

As his breath begins to quicken she falls back onto her knees
he’s wanting her open he’ll only take what he needs
she takes a deep breath as he begins pounding into her flesh
the way he has her bending leaves her slightly dispossessed

She watches in the mirror catching a glimpse into her eyes
the secrets that they hold are the only things
that keep her safe from the world the outside

Sweet little girl, why do you cry?
Don’t you know by now it’s only a moment in time?
Mar 14 · 44
I'll swallow my pride
Dec 2018 · 126
Unbroken
I Am Indigo Dec 2018
You love me more on the days that I can’t love myself
you undress my wounds knowing that I’ll bleed all over you
I know that you care about me
but I also know I will somehow ruin this too

I don’t know how to let you go-I can’t
as you move within me touching my soul
doing what comes naturally to you
you’re breaking down walls
and I’m left here bare

You’re ok with me being broken
but you never tell me I’m flawed
instead you tell me I’m perfect
and I don’t know how to accept
the perfect woman that you see
as a reality
Dec 2018 · 2.3k
She Keeps Me
I Am Indigo Dec 2018
you are always there…
just out of reach begging me to take you
we both know you enjoy these subtle inflections of pain

as you lay there vulnerable I ask myself why?
it costs nothing for me to break you but you still come to me
searching for things that you know
I will never be able to give you

you pay for your own destitution
pulling me down into your need

I don’t ever want to go away from this place…
Nov 2018 · 3.6k
The Needing
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
i need you
i crave you
it's the only way i survive
you are my weakness i desire your control

in this space
down on my knees
this is where i belong
this is home my home

only you know how to satisfy
this hunger inside of me
i'm you little blackbird
you love to make me scream

who would have thought
through all this pain
my truth would be exposed
you did...

you knew me better than i knew myself
you saw my confusion
in the way i came crawling back to you

the needing
the bleeding
i'm conditioned
to always want more

but you make me wait...
Nov 2018 · 480
The Healing
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
One day this will all hurt less
and the outline of his face will begin to fade away
you don't have to forgive
and you will never forget
but you do have to learn how to live again
Nov 2018 · 98
Why did I come back....
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
Like I said before I remember
and I did leave because I was scared
but I also left because
you were selfish and self-centered

you are not the girl that you pretend to be
I chose him out of necessity
I always knew that it was wrong
yet at the time it felt right

my heart still knows that it belongs to you
I couldn’t put my heart in the hands of another
but honestly I don’t know why
all you’ve ever done was lie to me

I can't let you go
I’ve tried …
Nov 2018 · 599
The Bed Of Glass And Stone
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
Across the way lights flicker in the darkness calming my mind
lulling me to sleep like a sweet lullaby
with your poison running through my veins
i can't come down i'm off in the clouds

you pervade into my void
making me a reflection of your own identity
your throbbing dagger is merciless
no-one will ever hurt me more
you won't accept any less

i watch as the shadows begin to
transform and transpire behind you
on this bed made of glass and stone
i realize i'm in an illusion more
merciful than the reality
Nov 2018 · 3.5k
Sadist John
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
You are everything to me yet nothing at all
you love my duplicity it’s a part of this game
what are we willing to sacrifice
behind these rented rooms and stained cotton sheets?

you know exactly how to lower my morale
and keep my mind wandering back to you
you had me before I had time to understand
you don’t just want to control me
you want to own me

i am what you allow me to be
i’m left here with nothing but your intentions
as i breath in your air i feel it rising
am i merely a game to pass the time?

no, we were meant to be together
i was made for this violent retribution
i would die if you denied me

i should be scared.....
Nov 2018 · 1.4k
Laced
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
It comes at you full force
unrelenting and unforgiving
i never saw it coming
but i saw you
Nov 2018 · 832
The day you abandoned me
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
The day you abandoned me
was the day i abandoned you
yet i’m told i must turn to you and have faith
if i don’t i’m told that the devil resides in me
but you let him in

he reached inside of me forcing his intention
casting his demons inside of my virtue
the same virtue i held onto for you
as he ripped off my wings
you let the halo slip around my neck
imprinting a constant reminder of my indignity

now i don’t know how to begin to forgive you
i don’t know if i can
you are not above reproach
and i am justified in my anger
to free myself from him i must free myself from you
Nov 2018 · 112
Bionic
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
You did the one thing you
you said you wouldn’t
and that’s ok
i loved you for your
willingness to stay
until suddenly you
decided that you couldn’t

Our love was bionic
and by bionic i mean generic
it was not intended to last
we served each other’s purpose
but knowing this doesn’t
make it hurts any less
it hurts more….

my whole world was crumbling
and you abandoned me

i would have jumped ship too
Nov 2018 · 1.0k
I'm fine
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
the comfort of this solitude grows within me each day
i need you to know that i am not alright
i am scared of my own mind
it’s terrifying in here
Nov 2018 · 89
Darker Than Hell
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
The night he let you go was the night that
you couldn’t comprehend that you were finally free
did he really **** all that was left inside of you
or did you simply throw it all away?

Where is the fire that use to burn so strongly
within your heart?
you can rekindle your own light from a dying ember

Awaken the traveler in your soul
so she can get far away from this place
it is not too late…
Nov 2018 · 508
October's past
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
when i close my eyes i can feel you
i see that room and it’s still just as dark
i don’t want to go back in there-i can't
what if i don’t find my way out again?
Nov 2018 · 100
There's nothing left here
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
She listens to the sound of the door opening
there’s anger behind his eyes
she has displeased him as she has many times before
there’s no room left for compromise

The whiskey lays heavy on his breath tonight
the belts wrapped tightly around his wrist
he grabs her by the hair
she’ll take the beating it’s best not to resist

she welcomes the feel of the hot leather because
she knows that she has to keep it together
as she begins to apologize she closes her eyes
the pain has begun to paralyze

she will never again know how
to humanize herself in her own mind
once the bruises begin to fade
unseen scars will forever be tattooed in their place

she will learn to grow inside this pain
she’ll mature someday in vain
Nov 2018 · 53
In A Dark Wood
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
Throw me into the flames
and I will become the fire
that burns everything to ground

Treat me like your muse
and I will be the inspiration
that transforms your weakness into power

I hold the keys to both **** and paradise in my hands
decide which door I open to you
do not wander too much farther for this is such a bitter place to stray
Nov 2018 · 3.4k
Just For Tonight
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t addicted to your sting
just for tonight i will forget the notion of wrong or right
You invade this void in me filling it with destitution
so i have to come crawling back to you

As you bring me to my knees
all my intentions fall to the floor
i am yours to do with as you desire
you will never set me free

please don’t set me free...

Why don’t you dig a little deeper?
i know you want to make me hurt
as you look into my eyes
You shatter all that’s left inside

we both know this feels right…
Nov 2018 · 470
This Is Why
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
This is why you are nothing
I didn’t want to be with you
I needed you
I hate you for this as I sit here twisted
Where I needed to be wasn’t with you
Crawling back to you on my knees I realized
That there is nothing good left in me
I am worthless
Nothing can make me believe that
I am right where I need to be
When I am with him I am free
This is why he is my everything

Read from bottom to top
Nov 2018 · 320
Self-consent
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
You have somehow equated your self-worth to being down on your knees or on your back for any man to use...
You were conditioned to feel this way

You are not a man’s personal **** toy to do with as they please
You are worthy of so much more
It’s ok to walk away
Nov 2018 · 509
First Impressions
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
The world has not been kind
it’s left a nasty scar
but if you continue on this journey with me
you will see that I am not afraid of the light
I built these walls at one time to keep me safe
now I will begin to tear them down
I am not the girl you think I am
Nov 2018 · 56
I Am Still Here
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
I couldn’t keep my body safe
but I did protect my mind
like I said before I AM still here
embedded inside each line and simple rhyme
writing is how I’ve survived
and writing is what helps me to keep me alive…
Nov 2018 · 352
Another Letter To You
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
This is going to hurt me. Not because I don’t have the capacity to understand, but because a part of me doesn’t want to. You are the one person that I can’t figure out how to free myself from. I needed your lies after what happened. I hate myself everyday for going back to you.

I needed to make myself believe that I wanted what happened to happen. If I could believe that than it wouldn’t hurt so much. Either you were going to fix me and make me whole again or you were going to finish breaking me.

You taught about the imagination of men at a young age. You taught me how to use my body to please men. You taught me how to lie and manipulate to survive. You were completely ******* evil.

You had me crawling on that floor begging for my life.
I cried myself to sleep so many nights. I wanted to die. No one has ever had the capacity to hurt me in the ways you did. Yet I am still here fighting, and you thought you killed me….
Nov 2018 · 2.8k
Lavender Kisses
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
I fell in love with you once
you smelled of lavender and tasted like honey
you were so ******* contagious
I was not prepared for what was coming

The first time you opened yourself to me
was the first time I felt the joy of rain
you poured yourself  over me and I wanted more
you wanted me to explore and oh God did I promptly explore....

I would gladly dance with you over and over again
just so I could feel the warmth of
you lush lavender lips against my essence
you pushed yourself so deep inside of me

Your love questioned my sanity
you were the shade of madness
the night I Iost my mind was the night that it finally made sense...

I will never admit that I still love you...
Nov 2018 · 190
When She Wakes
I Am Indigo Nov 2018
you are capable of becoming the master of yourself
draw back your divinity
do not wait for it to be given to you
awaken your dead soul

do not submit to the solitude because
you were conditioned for these flames
instead set this darkness ablaze
and let the memories of yesterday begin to fade away
Oct 2018 · 421
When She Wanders
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
when she wanders
and she will wander
go find her
don’t let her fade
into the cold dark night alone
help her find her way back
into your arms
give her shelter be her strength
because your grace is what will
beckon her home
Oct 2018 · 75
Bleed Out
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
I needed your lies
you had broken me
and like a fool I came crawling back for more
I thought you could put me back together
I had found comfort in your pain
it wasn’t until my purpose was fully served
that I saw you for what you were

How do you console the victim
when they can’t accept the reality of the
damage that was done?
all of my life I have been running
from a pain that you left inside
I will face this darkness
I will bleed you out
Oct 2018 · 216
ruined
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
when a butterfly’s wings are ripped away
it’s color slowly begins to fade to grey
it must have been terrifying knowing
that no-one was ever coming to save her

can you imagine how she felt the very moment
when she realized that she would never fly again?
why would anyone spoil such a beautiful butterfly?
all she ever did was give her love so innocently and purely
Oct 2018 · 87
180
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
180
You are able to turn this around
Illusion is the greatest sculptor of fear

You are not worth it               gnivresed era uoy
You are not able to do this    gnihtyna od ot elba era uoy
You are ******                          tnegilletni era uoy
You are a *****                      gniyfsitas yrev si efil xes ruoy
You are not safe                       dlrow siht ni efas era uoy
You are ****                              lufituaeb era uoy
You can’t                                   lliw uoy dna nac uoy



dnuora siht nrut ot elba era uoy
raef fo rotplucs tsetaerg eht si noisulli
Oct 2018 · 75
felo-de-se
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
The day that I thought about ending it all
was the day that I looked up and saw your face
the stars in your eyes had faded to black
and your voice was replaced by a God’s

It staggered my mind and for a moment I was left paralyzed in your rage
you took the gun away from me and when I refused to let go
you wrestled with my demon

I know deep down you would do this dance with me over and over again
one day I will end up driving you insane
why can’t you just walk away and save yourself from the pain?

I’m in a war with myself
I don’t want to be at war with you too
I do love you….
Oct 2018 · 57
Divine
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
How do you explain to someone the beauty of an angel when they don’t believe in heaven? To deny the very existence from which they came, it’s such a shame.
Oct 2018 · 89
The Enemy Within
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
I don’t write for you I write for me.
I write so I can free myself from
all the dirt and years of hurt.
I write to heal, I write to feel,
but mostly I write to reveal truths that I suppressed long ago.
For years I’ve been numb to everyone and everything.
I never intended on letting anyone back in.
I constructed this sanctum inside of my mind to protect her.
Instead I trapped myself inside the shell of this girl who died a long time ago.  
I may write from a darker place at times, but I AM still there.
Embedded inside each line or simple rhyme.
Words are powerful.
Thoughts are more efficacious, especially the ones that slip in covertly.
I poisoned my own mind and slowly became my own worst enemy.
But I do still see the sun on the horizon.
It’s just taking me awhile to find my way back to that place I’ve only ever seldom been....
Oct 2018 · 346
Proclivity
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
I am an acquired taste
something to roll around on your tongue
something to be tried several times before fully enjoying

But once you're hook...
and you will get hooked
we'll have a lot of fun
Oct 2018 · 154
In This Moment
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
My heart’s still choosing
as I lay in your bed again
In your absence I am
reminded that I do love you…

We stumble around in the dark
struggling to pick up the
scattered pieces of our hearts
that we strewn out across the floor

Let us instead reach
for the stars tonight as we
leave the rest of the world behind

because here in this moment
I am yours and you are mine….
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
He is a cancer that slowly creeps in
taking and invading all that is good,
all that’s left inside

He shoves his rot deep down into my core
bleeding into me
but oh do I want it

I kneel at his feet to
confess my sins
He grants me his dispensation

This is no sacrifice
this is a surrender
done as a penance unto him

I am diseased
I am afflicted
I know he is here to stay....
Oct 2018 · 79
discarded
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
she was a vessel filled with rubies
he preferred gold
Oct 2018 · 599
I Remember
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
When I close my eyes I see the past…
I see us lying there
tangled in between the sheets
staring into each other’s eyes

I remember the feeling of your
hands and how they soothed my skin
how your lips kissed every part of my soul
the soft scent of lavender and *** in the air

my heart knew than that it belonged to you
it was in these moments that we created ourselves
and You helped to create this part in me

I remember when you said you loved me
and all I could do was sit there and stare
I was just barely learning how to love myself

I didn’t leave because I didn't love you
I left because I was scared
and I know that wasn’t fair....

I’m so sorry.
Oct 2018 · 451
Transcendence
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
I am standing up on this hill
silently…
as the stars shine down above me
I am lost in their light
surrounded by the wailing of the wind
and nothing in this world can touch me….
Oct 2018 · 52
Danse Macabre
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
Tell me the story again, the one about the sun and the moon
How they loved each other so much that it eventually led to one's incessant doom...
Fill my head with your fables and all of these lies,
Even you must know you're out of your ******* mind....

This darkness we share
Bound by each other's hate.
My bags have been sitting at the door for days.

We both know how this ends
With your fists numbing this unrelenting ache.
Walking out that door would only settle my fate.

You never cared much for music
But you'll dance all the same
Over and over again this has become another part of your game.

You already know I'll justify living in this lie
I'll bury these bones.....
Do I sense guilt beneath those eyes?

Tonight we'll dance on the back of morality
While you relish in my travesty
We'll dance away all these dead memories.

Dance with me tonight
be part of my twisted tragedy,
Dance with me tonight
to the song of Danse Macabre.
Oct 2018 · 86
Rambling
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
You’re a quiet little burden
One I wish I could leave in the past
It's not your fault that I loved you
But it is your fault that we're through

When we make love I can’t mask the hate
I thought it was all a bad dream
Unfortunately it wasn’t, you were.

Does she know about me?
I know about her…

The only thing worse than death
Was watching your gaze slowly drift away
You use to tell me that I was your everything
I bet you tell her the same….
Oct 2018 · 92
Dead Memories
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
I know what it’s like to die…
I know what it tastes like, smells like, and feels like.
It can’t be stopped no matter how hard you try to fight it,
if you can even stand to fight at all.
All I could do was lay there and wait
for the darkness to completely consume me
taking back what was never truly my own.

Death was sooo sweet and peaceful…
Until the most unfortunate thing in the world happened,
I came back to life.
Seemingly to live in a constant state of misery,
To look death in the face a hundred times over every day…
To be reminded that I was almost free from his pain,
that I was almost ok…

I always knew he had a darker side to him
but I chose to see the good.
Most days I was left searching.
Oct 2018 · 2.4k
Paraphilia
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
It’s a battle that goes on internally
one that can’t be seen on the outside
A nervous anxiety and unabating
itch that leaves me distressed

It’s a battle between the body and the mind
I should fear it’s brutality
but I’m fine being stuck in this place
even now as I lie at the foot of another man’s bed
my use fulfilled and discarded…

It’s getting more disturbing
in the way that it’s never enough
Oct 2018 · 76
Dissociation
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
I like to play this game where I close my eyes and pretend to be her
A stronger smarter version of me
A girl who isn’t afraid of a shadow
Or startled by a sudden movement
I eventually come to the realization that I will never be her
I’m stuck with this girl in the mirror
I don’t hate her I just wish she could see her potential
Like so many other’s claim to see
I am not sad
I am not even hurting
I am simply existing
Oct 2018 · 329
Letter To My Captor
I Am Indigo Oct 2018
At night when I nod off into my dreamland I still see you
each and every time…
I don’t know you anymore nor do I want to,
yet every night you try guiding my soul back to yours.

I never know where it is that you try taking me,
Each night it’s somewhere new and more terrifying than the night before.
I looked death in the face every day for two years
not realizing that I was staring straight into the face of my own death.

An aching body strewn out across a bedroom floor,
It was you who first taught me what it meant to respect a man.
There was something you wanted from me deep deep down,
Something inside of me that I hadn’t yet found.

It was you who taught me how to hate
How to feel….
But mostly how to hate.
After all these years I finally figured out that the thought of death
was never as scary as the thought of becoming like you.

— The End —