I found myself fracturing beneath his fists,
Beauty beaten in hues of blue, purple and black,
Like clouded midnight skies, full of rain.
My eyes becoming pools of stars,
Glistening with secrets of pain,
Shining dully into the darkness of our nights.
Saturated with his snide, stingy, cruel colors,
I soaked in his venom,
Becoming canvas for the art of abuse.
And wasn't it beautiful?

These tears in skin hindered no smile,
Bruises like paint, enhancing face,
Pupils shining like diamonds,
Rough and worn, but precious.
Aching bones breaking to rebuild themselves,
Tongue red with biting back curses,
Rosy lips curved and sealed against apologies,
Flesh as hard and gray as stone,
Sharpened against wicked whims and foul words,
Aren't I beautiful -

In all my rainbow tones?

In the elevation of spirit, I am seperated;
Drawn apart from the land-dwellers,
I am propelled into the arms of clouds.
Eagerly embracing my new fate amongst stars,
I rewrite the patterns that form my destiny,
As a god amidst the heavens.

I fabricate new avenues as I venture,
Liberated from the fetters of ground,
I find freedom - escaping to new planes.
My sole duty to self,
Uplifting ego; regal in posture,
I am kept aloft of storms in my flight;

A seer, with third eye opening
To envision silver linings and goals.
And even in my solitude I am connected,
Solar energy soaring through veins,
Spreading wings to swallow sun,
I fly with Nut, drifting in meditation,
Each breath an inhalation of frequencies.

As subtle as Oshun,
I am deity as tranquil as stream,
Unbounded and infinite;
A soul of fire, air, ice and earth.
I am element, atom, and energy,
One with universe, a sound ensemble,
I am cosmic pneuma -
A human.

Lungs constrict with a sudden halt to breath,
Blood still pulsing in veins, cells now hungry for oxygen,
Starving for air.
Useless gasps **** gravity deeper,
Watermelon in throat sinking to diaphragm,
A desperate situation grows worse,
Lending to despair.
Hands claw through nimbus,
Pointless and futile,
Frantic gestures begging for help-
A language of signs no one else seems to speak.
And then,
It's too late...

My heart is reborn an infant,
Learning slowly to walk,
Sluggishly it starts, crawling, stepping,
Then running again.
And I can finally breathe.

Enraptured by the senses heightened,
Sight stolen by blindfold,
Mobility hindered by bands of silk,
Forced into placidity by restraints.
Blinded abruptly,
Aural faculty's amplified by the loss.

Still, I hear nothing.
Silence so thick it's tangible,
Heavy, weighed down by an anxious nervousness,
Attuned to very vibrations permeating the atmosphere,
Breathing in sync with the pulse of my blood,
Harsh and quick,
Thunderous in the stillness of this contemporary plane.

I'm almost afraid.
Fear exacerbated by acute vulnerability,
Naked to criticism, to contempt, to desecration.
Offered as repast,
Meal to sate invisible mouth,
Chocolate sin to tantalize his tongue,
Displayed and arranged for his feast.
I long to be free.

Wavering between the excitement begotten by thrill,
And a desperate need to escape,
I hang. With nothing to ground me.
Held aloft at another's will.
I long to be free...
Don't I?

And in her eyes, reside starlight and fire,  
A multitude of sparks against the dark of her pupil,
Shining through open windows of iris - showcasing soul.
And stars dance in her gaze, a mimickry of laughter on lips,
"Come share in this joy with me" they seem to say,
Projecting their thrall, compelling and enticing,  
Bespelling like beings and light beings alike,
Drawing them nigh, to join in a ritual baring.

They envoke a sharing of spirits, inviting a marriage of ideas,
Consummating a journey of ties, unveiling unseen connections.
Cloaked in midnight, and still she is luminous,
Mysterious, yet, as precious and pure as genuine pearls -  
Her glow resonating from subconscious through skin,
As moonlight in human form,  
Her tendrils stealing into universe,
Shaping, adjusting, freeing.

Paying homage to the goddesses before her,
She calls the tides to her fists,
And beckons the raging winds to surrender to her will,
She commands the rains to cease, and the seas to still;
A reckoning force, blunting the force of storms,
She calms calamitous energies,
Standing fearless in the face of catastrophe,
Gargantuan, even to giants, overwhelming and limitless,
Black, and magic.

Beyond the boundaries of time,
And the space for constant contact,  
Or the clusterfuck that becomes the mind,
And the way the lines of lives developing
Seem to lose parallels and begin to contrast,

Beyond the need or feel to act,
Or to attend to tact,
Pretensions unneeded in the face of facts,
Beyond the answers not given,
The questions, not asked,
The niches of the heart,
That fill and flood with other parts,
And other people,

Beyond the lies of the insidious,
The worries, seeking to make one wary,
The woes of trials faced in silence,
The doubt, screaming loud of worthlessness,

Beyond the disquiet,
Attempting to build walls between,
Dividing the entity from the worldy plane,
And all other beings,
We build strings, made of titanium,
As strong as the crust of neutron stars,

Connections that flourish,
Ties that extend, and refuse to be severed,
Bonds that live lifetimes;
Beyond... forever.

I awaken suddenly,
Shifting instantaneously between two states,
As quickly as one breath succeeds the other.
Taking note of the missing hours of my existence,
With no dreams to fill them -
As if I had ceased to exist in that space.

I wonder, what life have I lived
In the REM of my being, in the realm of my mind?
And does it affect me so?
I feel a potent emptiness in the aftermath,
The disconnect of slumber and waking world
Leaves me shaken, attempting to ground myself,
To seal sleeping spirit into physical body,
Once more.

It is in these moments that I feel out of place,
The darkness of unknown memories calling -
Tempting me to delve into the deep again,
To escape to a place I won't remember,
To find the peace I can't forget.

Have you felt longing like this?  
An aching with no absolute source of satiation,
No known, or guaranteed fulfillment,
Like a puzzle with countless pieces,
And nothing before you fits.
It is evident then, that there is a lack,
Still, you struggle fruitlessly to reassemble the parts.

Along the hours between midnight and dawn,
I drift in this alternative universe,
Sinking into a dimension beyond my own,
Living countless lives in unfathomable time,
Only to return to mine, to mind, to life -  
With nothing but longing, to reminisce about,
And remember them by.