creepy little crawlers,
they have the audacity to push their slimy feelers on me,
i can already smell the stench from miles away,
their vile oil infested goo can stay away from my skin,

if only you were a creepy little crawler,
then I could squeeze your insides out,
mash your pathetic body into pulp,
but my chain is still too tight for me to run,
so I'll let you ooze yourself onto me.

i remember your voice the first time we spoke.
how it stunned me, completely,
it was comforting.

you told me every secret.
i cried that night,
hearing you recite the last 5 years.

through my tears,
you whispered "why are you upset?"

i confessed, "i cant comprehend how someone with such a beauiful soul, could be hurt so much".

you told me i was too precious for this world.

i told you i wished i could wrap my arms around you.

i wonder if you realised how much i meant that.

i walked the most beautiful fields with him, and dreamed it was you.
im an inhabiter of a vicious cycle.
of altering reality.
but i had to, just to be with you.

you talked vividly about the places youd take me.
your words rang in my ears all day.

im at the beach, its beautiful and i wish you were here.

you stopped saying you wished that too.

i drew you.

i made you that playlist.

you never sent me yours.

maybe i knew that you would drift away as youd assured me,
maybe i didnt want to believe it.

i always asked you to draw me.
eventually you stopped saying you would.

i hadnt smiled so much in years, maybe
you oiled something rusty in me

i hadnt loved so dearly,
in so long.

you made me feel strong.
saying you would never let anyone hurt me.
i felt safe knowing that.
even though you were thousands of miles away.

last week you drew him.
you showed him the same bands you showed me
you called him the same nicknames you called me
i smiled bitterly
and asked how was he

youre gonna see eachother in autmn

you think that he might be the one

youre gonna end up being something.

i cant help feeling that he is everything i wasnt.

since we stopped talking,
they started bothering me again

when your passion stopped,
i was crying so much that i couldnt let you see me.

typed out on my keyboard
things i didnt want to tell you because i didnt want to get attatched.


tonight we talked.

you did not smile when you saw me.
you did not tell me that you missed me.
when i said i missed you.

i said it makes me sad but i could never blame you.
i said i cant help it because you're so special to me.

your eyes did not flicker with a single emotion.



i love you.

but i dont want you to know.

i want you to go.

like youd never existed.

Hands are already emerging from the darkness,
I can see mysterious new silhouettes grasping their next target,
Their touch on my skin is inevitable,
All I can do is embrace it.

Some will be cold and painful,
Nothing but sore, knotted stomachs,
A bandaged brain and fatigued mind,
All I can do is embrace it.

Some will be soft and warm,
Easing the aches and sores from the vicious claw marks yet to appear,
A temporary beacon of light that will guide me along a broken path,
All I can do is embrace it.

Wake up from eternal sleep. Wake me up when I need you. Infernal sleep renders you tender. Broken fenders keeps internal clocks from working. Now dusty clogs covered in old dialogue webs from time spent walking in the waking hour when you didn't dream enough. Little dreams, sure, by window sills overlooking shadow hills. But no big dreams, no high hopes, no plans. Until now. Dream is all you do. So silently slumber still you do. I'll have to wait patiently watching you do. Until you tire of dreams, as you did living.

Did she make you happy?
Did you ever learn her name?
You knew her outside, you knew her inside.
You knew her thoughts, you knew her feelings.
You laughed with her, you cried with her.
You held her hand.
You raised a storm inside of her.
You really, really ****** her up.
Which isn't always a bad thing.

Did you ever look through her eyes?
Did you ever see her through her own eyes?
If you did, would you really have called her names?
You loved her, you really did,
and every day you put her down.

Do you know that you hurt her?
I don't think you do.
You always put her interests first, you were always by her side.
You always told her how important she was.
You always made her happy, you always made her smile.
You always made her love herself.
(As much as she could, under the circumstances.)

Did you try?
Look at me and tell me that you tried.
Tell me that dragging her through the ground and destroying her piece by piece helped.
Tell me she deserved it.
Now look me in the eyes and tell me why exactly she couldn't show her face.
Tell me why you wouldn't let her show her face.

You were nothing short of perfect.
You told her that you were there to help, and you really were.
You supported her, let her blossom.
A true flower, with you as the sunlight that let her bloom.
She was always growing, she still is.
With you by her side, maybe she'll be grown one day.
Maybe the world will learn her name.
Maybe one day.

Yes, it's all quite confused.
You were everything she needed.
They all were.
She could never find words strong enough to thank you, she told me so herself.

You royally ****** her up, you broke her.
You made her hide.
Yet you were the one who wanted, no needed the world to see her.

Now, explain something to me:

What did you expect to achieve when you never even stopped to ask her name?

Hardly a day goes by that I don't see you, hear you, breathe you. Not a day goes by that I don't create you.
Joyfully, I create these glances, touches and feelings that are so real, yet so surreal.
I know you better than I know myself; I know you without as much as a hello.
You are mere footsteps away, across an ocean of hopeful feelings.
Such hopelessly hopeful feelings.
Hardly a day goes by that I don't let you exist.
In whatever way that existence may be.

I never truly understood how difficult it was to sleep with a monster living under your bed.

The footsteps, growing ever louder and more intense each moment, as they would pave their way into my head.

You had friends; big men in big coats or little women with big voices; always accompanied by that sickeningly blue light.

It was like the pop of a balloon, but nobody smiled and there was no way anybody would inflate a new one.

Inflate you.

It was like a dog; one of the big ones that you knew I was intimidated by, but at least their bark truly was worse than their bite.

Your bark and your bite were one and the same.

Even still I hear you when I'm trying to get on with life and somebody drops a glass, but where was the sweeping brush that could clean up your mess?

Naturally, we couldn't shake you. There wasn't a mark on my body that I could use against you.

Not on my body.

There were children. They were children, forced to grow up too quickly at the hands of a cruel master.

Power is a delicate thing that I tried so desperately to hold as a shield, but how could my paper shield be put against your silver sword?

It's funny how things change, and how they don't.

It's funny how you can sit and laugh and make me wonder what if the monster comes back.

It's funny how I wake up in the morning and wonder; am I allowed to live today?