I spent too many nights waiting,
For you to finally be,
The person that I needed,
But you were never there for me.
I wasted countless hours,
Laying awake in the dark,
Savouring the words you spoke,
Holding onto every spark.
I wanted every moment,
To stay perfect in my mind,
And they did until the day,
You decided to leave me behind.
I picked up the pieces of my heart,
And with thread woven with blame,
I stitched it back together;
Since then it has not been the same.
Now it's covered in cracks and scars,
And I place the fault on you,
Occasionally it falls apart,
That's just what broken hearts do.
I remember when you weren't,
Always in my head,
And I didn't over dissect,
Everything you said.
I remember when we laughed,
Because you were just a friend,
And I did not know that this would start,
Much less when it would end.
I remember the first time we touched,
When it meant something more to me,
But I was sure you didn't feel,
That small jolt of electricity.
I remember how I fell for you,
Despite how hard I tried,
I just wanted to convince my heart,
That you had only lied.
I remember when I saw those words,
Lit up on the computer screen,
But it felt too good to be true,
Looking back; was it only a dream?
I remember the way you first kissed me,
On that cold October night,
The shiver that ran through me,
Because it felt so right.
I remember when you held my hand,
As we walked down the hall,
And it didn't matter what people said,
You didn't care at all.
I remember the day it ended,
When everything seemed just fine,
You kissed me goodbye and I really thought,
That you were still only mine.
I remember when you told me,
That it was too hard for you,
So I sat and cried because,
I didn't know what to do.
I remember accepting the fact,
Friends were all we would be,
But for some reason I still thought,
That maybe you had actually cared about me.
I remember when I saw you two,
And I looked the other way,
Because it hurt to look at you,
And see that you were okay.
I remember how I missed you,
I still do but the days come and go,
And the less your memory hurts me,
The more I'm able to let you go.
Its so hard to put into words,
All the ways you make me feel.
At times its difficult for me,
to tell which parts of you are real.
What we have means so much to me
and it hurts to never really know,
if im getting all of you,
or just the pieces you choose to show.
Im trying to overcome this doubt,
and regain my trust in you,
but im afraid and I can't forget,
all the hell you put me through.
You swear youve changed this time around,
youre not who you were before,
But ive heard that line and I,
don't want to be hurt anymore.
If you love me like you say,
then show a little respect for me,
All im asking for is the one thing
youve never provided: honesty.
I stare at my reflection,
and hate everything I see,
ive turned into the person,
I swore I would never be.
I feel like a hypocrite,
in the worst kind of way,
and my life keeps getting worse,
every miserable long day.
I want so badly to change,
but it is the hardest thing to do,
I can't go back to how I was,
pain has changed who i once knew.
Im scared ill never escape,
the path I started walking on,
and even if I could get off,
Everything I love is gone.
I lift my head and try to fly,
A bird with broken wings,
Held down and haunted by
The song my sorrow sings.
Useless melodies inside,
Keeping me from healing,
Ruffled feathers, open eyed,
The past I am concealing.
What is a bird that cannot fly?
I want to end it once and for all,
I put my trust into the sky,
And begin the final fall.