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Trixia Jul 29
you were the most beautiful devil
that hell has sent me
darling you were the best
you were the ******* pain
that i’ll always want
that i’d rather be miserable
than lose you all over again
but now you are gone
and i’m just an angel lost in earth
don’t know where to find your smile
don’t know where to find your voice
your scent, your figure, your laughs
i don’t know where it is anymore
when i walk to the old places i feel cold
when i come back to our conversations
i feel warmth, i feel love
and all sorts of butterfly in my stomach
and if heart is a puzzle, i’d be incomplete
i’d be just a standing piece waiting for you
to complete the voids that you’ve patched up
from the sweet words
to the affectionate gestures
i’ll be honest missing you
is killing me, and letting you go made me die
everyday tears run down my cheeks
sunlights don’t shine anymore
rain hits me, and then
i was strucked by the lightning of sorrows
i kept coming closer to your fire
but where are you?
where the hell am i suppose to look?
should go back?
no one’s going to replace you,
the first pain of thy heart
the first of everything in fifteen,
you were not my regret
but you were my rotten daisy
forever remembered but thrown away in the ocean
but always remember that wherever you are
i always think about how happy we were
but it’s such a loss,
that our fate is parallel,
only strangers that met but never really cross.
—and i’ll wait for you to come back, as long as i can.
Trixia Apr 5
days have past but the scar of the past keeps growling of pain
tomorrow tells me another hope by thy sacrifice is made by
illusions of good days have already vanished and the worse is yet to come
the beast inside of me shelters the weakness of my fear
tell me how? how does a girl fight a demon of depression when all she has are swords to inflict self-harm
how does a girl forget anxiety when everything triggers the memories
i shall keep you away dear lover who have made me vulnerable and forced me to build walls made by blood
i do not want to be heartless but he took it away, he took it all the way leaving me with nothing
leaving me by a smile i will always despise
tell me was it good, to turn my body a volcano then rush out to make it alaska
you’ve turned me hot but left me cold
you’ve become my foundation but now you’re my destroyer
i love to hate you, but that thought is just an imagination
all i could feel is the truth that you have been the worse and i have been the ashes
Trixia Dec 2018
i create lightning
i burn through your pavements
and i reach for the crown
make me smile, make me laugh
make me angry and
i’ll tear you apart

shades of violence in my eyes
darkness it shows
my smile becomes lethal
and my words became fatal

trapped onto the lies
now it all comes by
kneel before your queen
or bleed upon your skin

i’ll be back before the dawn
and when solstice come
the world rise red

they forced me to change
now get ready for this rage
for I am a diamond, beautiful
and unbreakable
sorry not sorry words do shed sorrow, i’m glad i’m better stronger and back from the grave, people will not break me anymore, be strong and you’ll rule the world.
Trixia Dec 2018
trapped in your delusions
sadness is it you
anger is it you
no, no—i’m anxiety says it
i’m your ego
the reality of truths
the pains of sorrows
the excruciating hell
is this how we part ways?
like the moon says goodbye to the sun
memories will be my joyful thoughts
i’m sorry i left
i’ll be back and fix everything
when i’m okay
though our eyes met
and i could’ve sworn there
was an electricity
the ocean rushing down your cheeks
the storms that clouds your mind
mi amore, tell me
you’ll be happy without me
be free like the bird you are
and maybe someday we’ll meet
and i could caress your lips again
connect the stars on your body
make you whole again
i love you forever.
we were so in love yet these thoughts were unreal.
Trixia Sep 2018
is it bad that i like you?
when you’re with someone else
it’s a sin when you smile
i fell so much more every single day
oh i hope you’ll know
it hurts like hell
when i could only look at you
from afar
seeing your eyes glisten
my feelings are truly
colored red mixed with yours
then turned purple
and i was like this from the day
can’t i have a place in your heart?
but every time we look at each other
i feel there’s a connection
i feel that you know it too
the blank face
where your eyes only show
desire
but you can’t
cause you’re trapped
in a different heart
and it’s too much to take in
so i’ll blend
in the stars and
just be shining
at least you’ll
see me
every night
looking at me
mesmerizing the shine,
i like you so much
nothing could mend
the pain
inside
me.
it’s sad that i couldn’t even touch you, so i’ll give up forever.
Trixia Aug 2018
i would love to be
skinny, pretty with a little
bit of fierceness
but why do i look
as if i wasn’t good enough

never the brainy
nor the beauty
i was always a second
choice, chance,
or even a lead in my life
i never became my own
because people
kept being too good

they kept stepping on
what i do
and they do better
i was an average asian
looking a little bit rosy tan
with a hint of korean spice
by my eyes
who was envied by others
but good-looking eyes didn’t
stand out
because makeup kept
shattering the concept
of natural beauty

we were all being fake
to the society full of hidden truths
they showcased
thin-*** bodies
abused by strict diets
and pressure
full of greed.
I hope that I was enough for someone. The adventure that I give people, I hope they’ll remember me, but I don’t stand out so it’s either I die or stay unknown in all of these camera flash.
Trixia Aug 2018
the scars of tomorrow will forever
be see through on my skin
the dark circles on my eyes
where i stayed up all night crying
but i knew somehow
that after winter there’s spring
after the coldness there is the warmness of you

and when millions of arrows are
aiming on me I know
i’ll never ever back out
because i’ve been real
catching the stars above
gave me my shield
and the ocean waves
became my kingdom

you showed me a different way of life
you showed me how to love myself
because you gave me the best
of you and
that’s the only
reassurance
that i
will ever
need
Am I Fine? Yes. No. I’m still uncertain but I’m learning to love myself.
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