there is guilt among these bones in my chest
there is pain threaded through my veins
i wish to tear it away from myself
still it clings
wretched fool that it is

there is loathing in the depth of my core
there is regret flowing through my blood
i wish to depart from such depravity
still it clings
wretched fool that i am

To Love, I would say;

Run you fool
And fly away
Be fleet of foot
And never look back

Take your scars
And my heart
Sure of steps
You I do not lack

You gave me everything
And took it away
So now I reject
Your bitter memory

All I asked for
You spat upon
My life you took
And warped my destiny

My nest I never leave
For you broke my wings
I would fall
And not for you, enemy

Alone I am safe
Take my insecurity
Give me back my lungs
Let me breath freely

To you I say goodbye
And farewell
Good ridance now
I don't need you

I am lost
And I am torn
You never told me
What to do.

Yours most regretfully,
-The Caged Girl

Your lips were the fourth of July
In the way they left fireworks on my skin
What is one erratic burst
To the night sky
I don't care what the night sky thinks
Because it's everything to me

If my tombstone looked like me it would be;
Taller than the others
Louder that the thunder
Dreamier than the night
And brighter than the stars

But beneath the exterior
Is just cold, dark, frozen, unwanted, rock
No one sees it, and no one cares
And when the end comes
No one will be there

A day will pass
Another lifetime in its rising
Ropes they are cut with scissors and heartbreak
Endings are sewn into your pockets and the backs of your hands
And such as today is just a whisper to tickle your ear
So tomorrow will call like the dream you slept beneath as it rings the planet in its honesty

Why did you settle?
For your sake you could do better.
She hates me now.
And she doesn't even know.
Half of your story.
Let alone 5% of mine.

She doesn't deserve you.
You could have anyone you want.
In the whole world.
I know I want you back.
I know you would of left.
If you could of chosen.

Chosen to stay with me.

I.
Cling.
To.
That.

Hope.

I will always love you.

But.

Right now.

I question why.
You are with her.
I hear.
I heard the rumors.
That you kissed.
She said it was awful.
You are always cold around her.
Inside and out.

But.

Baby.

With me.

You were fire to my ice.

When I kissed you.
Your eyes melted to gold.
And the heat between our tongues.
Was electric.

Yes it hurt to see you.
Together.
But I would be happier.
To see you.
With more.
Better.

Not less.
You went from me to her.
Ten to a two.
You don't need a trophy wife.
But baby I want you to have.
The best in this life.
Even if,

That isn't me.

And so I offer you,
My humble
Opinionated
Sacrificial
Words

I'm sorry

<3

I always wanted more
Just to give you more
Yet I am torn
There is nothing to me
That I would not give
If I knew you needed it

To want after you
Is a dream
I dare not close my eyes to see
Unquenchable
Is everything you awaken in me
So dreamer lay
Just as you are
With a thirst in your soul
That I may drink
Until nought a drop be left
For the sun to claim

I am not untouchable
For I am human
In my tangibility

When I touched my face
It was not the same as when I touched yours
I could not wipe the tiredness from my eyes
In the same gentle motion aa I finger walked every crevice of your skin
With you, it is about the journey and the destination
Every mile is made into memories with you
When my mind forgets my fingers will remember

etching
sketching
watching
catching
finding
reminding
and drawing your name in the sand

The words I fanaticize falling from your lips
Small syllables raining in drips
Silent correspondence of mouth-less words
Ever present chirping of cheerful birds

Blushing cheeks of ****** roses
Statues moving stone faced poses
A fountain of watered down lies
The despair of love and betrayal in your eyes

If these lips only spoke true
Would they still belong to you
Hands so delicate around a waist
Would very quickly be replaced

Your gentle eyes a stony gaze
Another falsehood you have betrayed
A starring contest between three sinners
But there can only be two winners

A puzzlement of a blind nature
Left by a dead betrayer
The six feet of barren ground
Over head and all around

Lips preserved for deaths kiss
You had but one wish
A waterlogged fate aboard a sinking ship
A rope of faith, fate gave you a trip

The ebbing flow of ceaseless tides
Made by tears of loving brides
An isle walk to a dessert shore
Trying to find what they are looking for

Simple conundrum of upper class
The poor stare as they pass
The winds icy breath down a back
A snowy day turned chimney black

Lines of a poem soon forgotten
A single apple bit into and rotten
The sour grape in a bunch
Just one bite a single munch

Artists with no inspiration
A flower of a past reincarnation
Lost words of ancient hymns
Seeking for a riddle within

Words of soft spoken encouragement
A place you went where I was sent
A trip down memory lane
The words you speak drive me insane

I was just a hotel for your emotions

Check in.
Check out.

Red flags are the asterisk next to your name, footnotes I am to careless to read.

She loved flowers
And so gave her roses

But I grew them out of my very own chest

She loved music
And so I wrote her a song

But I pulled the words from my very own soul

This toxic love

I cannot even breathe
The temperament
And all I believe

Flowers on the grave
Wasted wishes
Painful lies
Twisted truth

Hooves on horses
Clouds in the sky
Wings on birds
That forgot how to fly

Reading between the lines
Making breath
Taking time

Your place in life
Your spot in line
The single note from a chime

The wicked seas
And stormy weather

A rope to tie
A rope to tether
The one you love far away
The one you wanted to stay

The war between
Oh battle of ages

Fights and storms
The sea rages

The blades are drown
Farwell's are bade
A unfair trade

Yearning to love
Not knowing the pain
Seeking to love
But cursed by pain
Wanting to love
But held back by pain
Needing to love
Getting hit by a train

Tell me if you love me
And I'll tell you if I care

Sick of wearing my heart on my sleeve
For those who are never truly there

I know you can see through the paper thin garment
I call my skin

But yet still I wonder if you can gaze through my hands
To see the poker cards between my fingers

You would not cheat or call my bluff but you would know
Just the same what I chose

Would you differentiate your cards accordingly and
Win this game for you own

Or would you see that I have no other options and you
Would try to play me for you own?

Sigmund Freud
Maladaptive
Daydreaming
Escape
Bare Feet
No
No.
No!
Why
Why

Open your mouth
Call up the demons
My expiration draws near
A dead one
That has long been buried
Is being necromanced
Let her sleep, she is tired
You are not one to let sleeping dogs lay
We cannot let ******* sleep
Are we the sun
Or the rooster
We both wake you
One more gentle than the other

I cannot ask for love
But the question sits
Like a loaded gun
Behind my teeth

I have a bad habit of falling
My other tendancies seem to bother you more
The getting up on my own
The moving on by myself

If you truly love me
Like you truly say you do
Then stop all the heartbreak
And just be you

If you truly care
Cuz I know you're there
Then stop ignoring my messages
And just disappear like air

I cant breathe the foul
odor of lies
I cant stand the stench
of your denies

"Do want the truth or can I lie?"

"You need my permission?"

"Yes,"** *"That's how messed up I am."

The truth and liqour
They are both hard to swallow
Neither go down easy
It is not fair for one to bring the other out

I haven't been honest with you
I lost my anchor to windward

I drowned inside a long time ago
I said goodbye before I left the shore

If only you had been as obsessed with the truth as you had been with telling me how honest you are

Sigh

I'm trying!
Okay?!
I'm trying,
But I guess
It just
Isn't working
I will never
Be good enough
So I'll just go now
Have a nice life
Xoxo

Thank you for saving my life :)

edit three times
double tap
post again

The spoon-colored light of the stars bright
Against the lacking of moon
Your cotton ball words soaking
Every lazy river thought in my head

This is the love they spoke of
In the books of the bible
On the walls in the bathroom
In hushed ancient whispers
Carried on the sands of time

Why do you choose to know me now
Turn my leather-bound pages

I have always felt love
Was a delicate thing
How can I abandon my strength
For man or weakness

You never should of shown me
Who you are
I saw right through you once
I can never claim blindness again

If you cannot love me in this lifetime
I will ask you in the next
Chasing your gentle soul
Across time’s expanding galaxies
My atoms will search for you

If you cannot bear to love me then
Wait, until I am reborn
Until I am reincarnated as water
Until you drink me from the river
Through cupped hands

For 3 eternities I held my breath
Baited this moment on your lips
Waiting to be devoured
Purge yourself of me while I am pure
Let me fill you, satiate your thirst

This is not my first life
Only my first time living
Consume me, gentle spirit
I am yours
I am alive

The trickle of my words
Is a river of pages
That have learned their bounds only in the temptation of the sun
What the day would not teach them
The moon bade unto them
One by one
The secrets of the stars
And how quickly you shine
When you know the sky
Even as the lights before my eyes
Learn their fading
As the last song to be sung
When the dandelions no longer yellow in their intentions learn to give themselves up to the wind
These are seeds of hope
May they be for tomorrow
When you have nothing left for today
As simple still, as hands held in the dark
You have learned the secret of the dust
Settling so quickly
While the feet of the remorseless still raise
What the sun looks upon only in shame
Her remorse says little
To the promises wound between the crossing of your fingers

Blue is the color of the happy sky
Black is the night as it slowly passes bye
Yellow are the smiles that push up from the ground
Brown are the memories that chase me like a hound
Purple are the sunsets filled with lies
Green are the beauty in your eyes
Pink is ignorance I proudly displayed
Gray is the face of the sky today
Orange is the footprints you leave in your wake
Red is the blood from my wrists you take

I don't want to talk about mental health
I don't want to talk about how much
I'm shaking
I can type words right the first time
My throats scratching
I'm cluthing my water bottle to my heaving chest
I can't drink
I'm so thirsty
I can't stop trembling even though it hurts
My left leg usually starts the worst
Moments later my brow furrows
My shoulders tare tension
My jaws locks and it aches as I rock back and forth
And this is just me warming up
It's exhausting
And whispering "okay" in my own sheets doesn't echo well in my head
Not as much as when I part someone else's hair with my words
Anxiety is a fight or flight response and I fight the need to flee
Lock myself down
And wear out my lungs
I don't know what's wrong
Even if I did
I don't want to talk about it
I don't want to talk about mental health
How bruises show up from my own grip
While I loose my handle on reality
I don't want to talk about mental health
And the two hand hold it has on me

I can choose how heavily this weighs upon me

I can pick the weight pressing more and more upon my shoulders
Or I can pick feathers to carry

I can choose turmoil, churning me up from the inside
Or I can choose to walk in grace

I can pick minutes so long they never seem to end
Or I can pick days that slip through my fingers

I can choose a mind filled with a thousand games
Or I can choose saved brains

I can pick a heart heavy with all my cares
Or I can pick the promises of God.

I choose peace.

I want to stab a ball point pen into the soft part of my wrist
Pull it upwards through my arm until it hits the shoulder
I feel the urge
The need to let something out
I want to feel open