You know, everyone’s always moving so fast.
And yeah I’m here,
always here.
I’m tense. Everyday I walk
Can’t help but feel
that one wrong move and you’ll lose it all.


Yeah sure, I smile.
Yeah sure, I look cold.
Yeah sure, I don’t look scared.
But I am. I really really am.
I just don’t want you to see it.
I wear a mask. Believe me, I’m scared.


Okay I get it.
I’m just saying this in a poem.
In hopes you don’t
bother to read,
but hoping you
actually would.


I’m actually here just to tell you
You’re never alone
There’s always someone
in a million people that
try to look down
on you, on me, on us,
on them, on her, on him
And still feel tense and regret
Because they’re not this. They’re not that.


Get this. We are human.
If you can’t do it. You can’t.
It is no one’s responsibility
to live in the standards,
to be a living drone
of the flaws of society
or the stereotypes from
our brains.



You just be you and I’ll be me.
But don’t *****. Cuz the world doesn’t
always need one. Just be youself,



Really. I mean it. Just be you
in a way you hurt no one.

Not even yourself.

Hush little Whisper
dont you cry
Daddys gonna sing you a lullaby
and when the lullabys all said and done
Mommas gonna sing another one
and when that songs done and gone
Daddys gonna buy you a dead mockingbird
And when that mockingbird tries to sing
Daddys gonna  stab it with a blade
Then hes gonna go far far away
And leave you to fend for youself
and youll cry youself to sleep every night
and Mommas gonna **** herself with a knife
Hush little Whisper
dont you cry
not everything is at it seems
and one day its all too much
and you whisper to yourself
"Hush little Whisper
dont you cry
everythings gonna be alright

In another day, in another year, in another life."

If they taunt me
I'd flaunt myself around them
I'd mesmerize everything I had with
if I were to be a lesbian
I'd say that would be pretty amazing..
loving your own type
falling for your own kind
like forever? Could you?
you,the one pleasuring youself
with  late night ******* process
is the one that complains?
when someone gives same pleasure
to the one, of their type
you'd say NATURE that's not fair
oh ! Selfish creature
how could you wish the world be same?

straight is not a gender,so isn't gay,lesbian
we all are human,that's what matters
if you couldn't accept people loving their own kind
you'd better start hating yourself
cause they are loving themself
like you do at late nights
so if I were to be a lesbian
that wouldn't be problem for my kind.

like red lion parts
crotch rocket
nut cup
anything done behind
a dumpster in the dark
yes, always
because you never liked how
light peeked through my thin
hair
or how I squinted
my eyes when I kissed you
“Just close them all the way
*******!!”
of course, I obliged
anything to keep you
away from your mother
anything to keep you
out of the garage
the sulfur smell
the demons in your
drinking marble
but god,
the vibration
the car peeling out
on the driveway and
“Here take this.”
all of me reminded you
of her
all of me
“Rest, darling. Rest.”
and every time the night
ended with unclothed gin
bedspreads like
forts and painted
walls
“Go **** youself.”
and all was lost
my body
my grief
10 pounds lighter
sweat soaked through
the carpet

He's found himself in the closet
After he lost to himself in a game of tic-tac-toe
And tied his lobster bib tightly
Then hid his cheat sheet, for the pop quiz he knew was soon to come

It's curtains for her
She let the cat out of the bag
And now she's up **** creek with ****** for paddles to go **** herself with
Right in the birth canal

Then we'll auction off the ******
We'll pass them off as European defibrillators
Maybe some extremist will want them
If we spew out enough mindless dribble

The All Time ****-Show is about to begin
We have
The Chronic Masturbater
The Hypochondriac
And The Pathological Liar

It was either sometime yesterday
Or sometime tomorrow
Or was it sometime today?
That you were all going to make fun of the boy with the cleft lip down at the laundromat?

Out of the three of you The Pathological Lair sticks out like a sore thumb
I can tell he was the runt of the litter
Who always bites off more than he can chew

I see the Hypochondriac has convinced himself he has eczema  
He rattles off all his symptoms
Inordinate filibustering  

Now there's the Chronic Masturbater
He looks like he's over the hill
He's only twenty one
But the blue circles under his eyes and the deep defined lines on his forehead denote his inelegant aging

I sign all your lives away in my horrible cursive
And now you belong to the ragtag trigger-happy posse of gun-jumpers
My billfold his happily filled
So I must go do some reconnaissance
Spy on those who have quit their day jobs
The fish out of water

You must find that thing that really rolls off the tongue with a nice ring to it
******!
*******!
*******?!
....*******?

No...
Go hang youself with dental flossed you home-schooled fool

Indentured servants we're just an after thought

Dear future daughter,
I’m writing to you a letter,
Because one day you’ll need this advice,
And it’s worth a certain price,

It’s worth the price of lessons,
The ones that make you think,
You’ve been running in the wrong directions,
And stop making you see life in pink,

First thing you need to know,
Is that sometimes you need to let go,
Even if it doesn’t feel right,
It just as well might,

Most of the time the things that feel good,
Aren’t the things that should,
That’s why you should never harm your wrist,
‘Cause then I’ll just be ******,

Second thing to keep in mind,
Is to always be kind,
Because the girl you laugh at with much glory,
May have lived a terrible story,  

Ask her what her day was like,
The strangest people have the greatest things to tell,
Even if their stories seem like they came straight from hell,
Trust me it won’t be an experience you will dislike,

Third thing I want to tell you,
Is that one day you’ll meet a boy,
And the idea of you two,
Will be one that brings joy,

And one day he might leave,
And it will make you believe,
That nobody will stay,
But trust me it won’t always be that way,

Fourth thing I want to say,
Is that it’s okay,
To give yourself pleasure,
And to give youself some leisure,

Sometimes it’s a necessity,
Because you schoolwork is driving you crazy,
And in that moment you’re panicking,
But your schoolwork isn’t more important than your own being,

Last thing I want to say,
Is that life does not count itself it breaths,
It counts itself in the moments that take it away,
People with short life enjoy it this way before their deaths,

So go on and make your life worth living,
And make it worth sharing,
Because you never know when,
It might end,

Dear future daughter,
Please consider everything I have written in this letter,
Trust me when I say without a doubt,
That your future mother knows what she’s talking about.

You know that feeling after you've downed a drink when you find youself breathing a little quicker

That's how it is being with you.

I'm drowning at the bottom of your glass, always gasping, breathless
Struggling for air after another swig of your emotion
But you're still oblivious, clinking your glass under the false pretense of giving Cheers

I'm watching you, but you don't see me, I'm the nightmare of your dreams. You check under your bed each night, but I'm hiding in your head out of sight.

Today I know you are feeling low, that's my cue to make a show.I see you looking over your shoulder, I bet you have goosebumps all over, I can make you believe what I want you to believe, like can you see that little girl, that's right the one wearing the bright yellow dress, quick she's getting closer to the cliffs edge.

No one is around she must be lost, quick you must save her, run she going to fall, you'll never forgive youself if she falls, don't stop just because you have come to the edge, go on you know you'll be better of dead.

Here I'll give you a helping hand, no use you screaming, remember you're only dreaming, but remember I'm watching you and any time soon your dreams will start coming true.....

Look into my eyes.
Don't tell me you are fine.
I'd rather watch you break down and
Cry
Listen to you tell these ugly lies.

Let your words
Break into sobs
And let me watch as your once red tears
Turn clear.
Please tell me why you
Still do this to yourself.

Don't tell me what I want to hear.
Tell me why you break down.
Tell me what you feel
And the things you fear

Tell me how you got stuck
In this rut.
Let me listen
And don't think you're the burden
On my shoulder.

You should fear for youself
More than you do me.
You should be free
From these mosnters in your head.
But they keep dragging you down.

You need someone
But you keep running
Until you're all out of breath.
I'll try to help and try to understamd
But you'll just keep runing until your death

knowledge
must free
the mind
from
doom and gloom
from
fear and doubt
we
must think
outside of the box
nor
make us a slave
when you free yourself
for
the
glory of God
and
shout it out

These events in my mind are
aged and crumbled up like
a piece of worthless paper,
because I apparently, am the
only one who remembers it all.
This is all so unsettling.
From everything that they did,
to what the others did;
am I truly that worthless?
One night dragged onto the other
without a pause.
Continuously left behind.
Finding myself alone in these places
that are truly worthless.
'Stupid girl'
is what runs through my mind
as quickly as the people leave
me behind.
How worthless am I
compared to dust?
I see everything black and white.
The color faded away when
the happiness did.
How worthless can these eyes become?
Trying to please everyone
just brought me too far down.
Everybody treats eachother the same.
So how worthless
can these smiles get?
Lie after lie is what is
always told and heard these days.
I see that those spells have been
casted on me many times.
How worthless am I
to be told these lies?


But at the end of the day,
worthless is truly non-existent.
No matter what, everyone
will get shot down-
But everyone will find hope.
We all have that one thing
we find that's not so
worthless.
You have to find
deep within youself that
it's only you that will listen
to what the others say and do
And hold it against yourself.
You have to power
To turn around and be the one
to call them worthless this time.
Because when it comes down to it,
How worthless can someone be
to make you think you're worthless.

Don't hate someone just because they hate you.

2. ALWAYS be the bigger person.

3. Don't quickly judge someone.

4. You may lose people, but you will gain ones who are better.

5. Everything changes at one point.

6. Try to see opinions from both sides.

7. There are two sides to every story.

8. Some people aren't going to like you, and that's okay.

9. Speak up in class, no one is going to laugh at you.

10. Don't be shy around the person you like, they're just a person as you are.

11. No one is going to die because you failed that one test.

12. School isn't just about grades.

13. Taking one day off of school won't **** you.

14. If you put negitive thoughts out in the universe, chances are, fate won't be on your side.

15. Don't push yourself to the point of a panic attack.

16. You will always love the person you fell in love with, and you need to learn to cope.

17. Just because you're posting about them, it doesn't mean they will message you.

18. Wear a dress to school, who cares if people judge you.

19. Look on the bright side of things in every situation.

20. Always be youself, and don't change for anyone.

what they didn't tell you is that you will soon give yourself away,
because every time you see this boy he takes the whole galaxy and
puts it in your pupils, the sparkles radiating from each look you give him.

you try to say his name with a serious face and just end up effortlessly smiling,
because he's the boy who can do that to you.

you can't call him a thief, but you know he stole some part of you that you won't
get back any time soon. and what's worse is that you can't hide how you feel anymore, because you give yourself away.

you turn each time he walks in the room, you look up with that galaxy hoping to
find him sailing through the constellations, you smile uncontrollably while he takes
invisible tape and seems to tape each side of your lips farther away from one another.

and with each step he takes towards you, you fall harder.

You promised kisses
beneath the old oak

You said you would give
youself to me then

Under the summer's
eager stary eyes

But they came
and cut the oak down

But not before
you left town

Now all I have
is the promise

Of firewood for those
cold lonely nights

IF YOU ARE A LIAR, WHO'S  GOING  TO TRUST YOU?  WHEN  WILL YOU TELL THE TRUTH, IN EVERYTHING YOU DO?
IF YOU ARE A LIAR, NO ONE WANTS YOU AROUND.  YOUR VOICE GIVES YOU AWAY, BY THE TONE OF IT'S SOUND.
IF YOU ARE A LIAR, YOU CAN FIND YOUSELF ALONE.  YOU CAN FIND YOURSELF, THE ONLY ONE LEFT IN YOUR HOME.
IF YOU ARE A LIAR, DON'T EXPECT TO MOVE AHEAD.  ASK GOD TO TEACH YOU TO TELL THE TRUTH, SO YOU WANT END UP DEAD.
BY, AUTHOR & POET,  SANDRA JUANITA NAILING

market youself;
wear the clothes you want them
to see you in,

pierce the right places
for the right look,

say the things that
you want them to hear
hair.face.makeup.expression.
let them know what to expect,
yaknow, make sure they see 'you'
while you dont let them see you,
and struggle to be yourself
while you **** yourself
and you market yourself
and you sell off yourself

what a world i live in;
it's highschool
but ****'s the same all the way through
nobody cares about the right things
they're too busy
buying and selling;
the human stock market

i've got friends, not customers
so i guess i'm broke,
i might just
have to go through the right pains
for the right reasons
cause i'm not killing myself that way
i;m pain free in a society that trades
with beauty as currency

integrity and all the rest
come as a sort of afterthought

what happened to our teachers?
they are locked in our schools
they tell us maths, they sleep in bed
at 9 o'clock at night
while we crack open
our bottles
behind closed doors
and cheer

This is actually copy pasted from a suicide forum, but it's true.

Self Harm: Before you self harm, Read this
....before you make that first cut remember:
You will enjoy this.
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep,
And will heal easily ...
They will get deeper.
They will scar.
They will sometimes take months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body,
Think again...
It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....
You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will **** back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth
of your shirt, or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your
entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and
covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
And you are gasping....
And you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't
tell anyone.
So you sit there alone...
Praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far
again...
But you will, and further.
Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that
you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself
spending 20, 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the
counter to ring up your order.
Butterfly strips...
3 or four different kinds of dressings...
Betadine....
Antibiotic cream..
Medical tape..
Scar reducers.....
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move
and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice...
Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same
supplies...
Someone who understands but of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...
Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots... gloves.. the list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a different way...
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI...
Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it ..
As your eyes scan their wrists + arms...
Hoping just hoping they will be like you....
But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
You will always be cleaning up the blood..
Scrubbing your bathroom floor...
Wiping the blood of your keyboard...
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting
tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will
find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops. A
normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch.
Because you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you
have fleas or a skin disease."
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully..
You will dream about cutting...
you will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will
wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting...
At the same time, you love it and can't live with out it...
Note: I'm hypocritical to send this, but it still needs to be sent. It actually got really far for me before I told someone and was told to stop and I finally did.

they say that darkness is a nonexistent matter and is only the absence of light but what i know of is that darkness is consuming. it makes you whole with emptiness. makes you feel safe in your solitude. and solitude is not always peaceful if your mind is a universe of it's own. if your mind is at war with your heart. if your mind holds infinite chains of thoughts, no one's interested in knowing about, thoughts with no one willing to understand them. but for far too long, i've believed that what you cant change you should learn to accept. so in solitude, i was content or convinced myself to be..
i met you though, and let me tell you that no light can ever shine as bright as you do. and you don't just shine baby, you glow. you'd enlighten the universe with just half a smile and one glimpse of those eyes i adore. you'd eliminate the indifferences of this **** world with how your mind works and how your thoughts form. i've never known of sympathy and kindness before i knew of your existence because they've always been in the form of you. purity ceased to exist before you took your first breath, and with every breath you take this trait nurtures. and with the privelege of knowing you? i'd never welcome solitude again, never before you have a persons company felt so heart warming, so safe. i'd close my doors to darkness and despair and welcome all you bring with your existence from hope and optimisim. darling, words will never express enough but i'll write you daily if it'll help you love youself. for writing about you is always something i enjoy. i never believed in the concept of heaven until i met you, for angels need their imposing home. what have i done to deserve someone as beautiful as you are? and yes you're beautiful. i want this word carved into your thoughts. baby, poets spent ages trying to write something that can amount to your beauty and yet nothing can measure up. i love you, i really do.

this is about letting myself be happy, about falling in love and forgetting the rest. doing this for myself because nobody else will, because nobody else can. because the nights won’t be lonely anymore with you there and there are some things that only happen once in your life and this is one of those things, you are one of those things. how extraordinary it is to even sit in the same room as you.

just no, god, really, you should know that you made the colors bleed out of my clothes and onto my floor when you wrapped your arms around me. or that if you rolled up my sleeves on my shirts pink roses would probably grow out from underneath. start from the veins in my arms and break out. gradually turning into stems. turning into flowers. i’d say the same for my legs but i’m weak at the knees, weak at the knees getting out of my car. take a deep breath and kiss him on the lips, close my eyes and put my hands on both sides of his face. do you remember how this felt? your eyes are shut do you remember? could you time travel from now to the first time this happened because i did. your eyes were shut then too just like this. you’re back, you’re back, you’re back. i can see you again. and when i’m back in the bed i handed over my heart in, would you know that i’m better now? that you never had to worry. this is better because we need it.

and we’ll go on a date to the movies late at night and i can rest my head on you the whole time while you hold my hand and let go only so i can move my fingers up and down the inside of your palm while it rests against your leg. let’s be the last to get up, sit in the dark with the credits so i can tell you how i feel about you just a little bit. tell you like i tried to tell the complete strangers who would sit at that table in that little diner in my town because i wrote your name on a window ledge. so when they look out at the cars, at the people, maybe they’d notice, maybe they’d know i needed them to know i was happy.

you make me feel is what you do, you bring back the constantly fading parts. you’re the one and if i had to explain the way you’re beautiful it’d probably be like the pocket watch necklace i found at a secondhand store the morning after you texted me. the battery is dead and the time is stuck with both the hands over the one roman numeral, and the lady who worked there said it’d need a new battery but it doesn’t need to be fixed for me to love it. you’re beautiful like when i hold your hand i want to know every line. i want to trace veins in your arms, i want to run my fingers over the back of your hands on the knuckles.

you’re a lot like when it rains at night when i’m in bed, and i just lay there instead of going to sleep and i miss nobody in particular but i just miss places, moments. it’s coming down so slow and gold cause the street light is shining on it. i’d want you there, could i hold your hand while we watch it and could you please try for a second to know that i feel that way about you.

you feel more like images than words, like my favorite sounds or like movies that changed my life, i’ll meet you in another life when we are both cats. there aren’t so many stars here. you’re beautiful like knowing they’re up there, anyways. you’re as beautiful for as sad as i get when clouds hide them. you’re as influential to me as my suicide attempt was, and i hope that makes sense because i mean it in the best way because it changed my whole life.

i can feel you changing my life when i got out of my car and walked up to your door it was like i knew right then you can’t go back from this, and it’s scary and it’s so hard to be alive again because i signed all the papers, i signed away everything it’s all gone it was boarded all up and forgotten, and you’re dusting everything, taking all the sheets on the furniture off, and tearing off the bad wallpaper. just let me in, let me try and i won’t go anywhere, i just want to live inside you almost. i just want to do what you’re doing for me for you too, you are so beautiful in ways i will never be able to tell you but god will i try.

i just wanna lay in your lousy arms, and feel real little. i feel little already but you can’t function in the world by being how you feel, but i want you to let me be what i feel and i just want that to be something that’s okay, and i hope you kiss it all away, all the parts that i pretend i am. could you draw in my hands with your finger and push down my fingers when they try to curl up, and could i stop you by holding your hand and kissing you on your neck, just soft, just really soft cause i’m really small and let me lay my head on your chest so i can tell you i can hear your heart beating, and it sounds a lot lamer in words here than when we’re there under your covers, than when i’m feeling like i just opened up your chest and climbed inside, cause it feels like you let me even if you didn’t let me. i just want to honestly believe for a few minutes that i don’t have to ever leave that moment, how we let ourselves believe anything like that i’ll never know but i want you to try because things would be better.

i was like a bird that flew out in front of your car in the morning that didn’t get hit, i was like a ghost but you picked me up, and your hands didn’t fall right through me. you picked me up and the way you said my name didn’t hurt. it’s like we were driving on the highway in the dark with our headlights off but we made it home. we made it home singing. these are the kinds of nights where you close your eyes and you feel like they’re never closed, i’m just staring at your beautiful ******* face with the glow of the tv on it. stuck in this memory with the right soundtrack. you were just smiling, and there i was becoming real, and i’ve been trying to tell you, you make me feel real. and everyone’s been telling me to stay away from you, but how could you love someone who never hurt you, who never made you prove how much you wanted it, how much you wanted them. you’re supposed to chase him, why didn’t you chase him?

i guess what i wanted more than anything was for you to see youself the way i saw you, to know that i love you in this bizarre unreal way where i don’t even know everything about you but i want to. and all i can feel is how closed these doors are. i find myself so desperate for any part of you, even the parts you gave no one because they aren’t important. no one watches for those kinds of things, the number of freckles on your arm or the way you squeeze my hand twice, but here i am in love with you, in love with your quirks, in love with how utterly human you are, how nobody appreciated the most appreciatable things about a person. this is all the b footage that i can’t stop watching, i am drowning in the parts everybody saw but nobody watched. that’s where i fell in love with you.

just oh my god, i really am so in love with you and everything makes so much sense when i’m with you, and that sounds so stupid and cliche but it really does,  it makes sense because you’re my other half and it feels like i’m done making the pieces that never fit fit, your hands were really meant to hold mine, i think i really believe again in this childish way that i threw out months ago that soulmates are real, because you are mine in every sense of the word.

Have you ever started hanging out with someone new only to begin wondering why you want to bathe in their shampoo and make poetry out of the way their eyebrows look?!
WELL NOT TO WORRY!
I have a few simple steps you can follow to destroy those feelings.

Step 1: Imagine your grandma's lips every time you feel compelled to kiss them! THIS is a surefire way to never want to look at them again. The embarrassment will hit you like a train. Unless you do like to kiss your grandma. In which case: (shrugs)

Step 2: Keep at least 3 feet of distance between you at all times. You will soon become obsessed with the inches between you instead of the warmth of their body on yours. If you get cold, buy a blanket.

Step 3: Leave yourself voicemails until your inbox gets full. That way, when you ignore their calls, you don't have to say "no" to their voice, only to their name on a screen. That's if you even want to respond them at all, because we all know the best way to get out of doing anything is to completely ignore the problem!

Step 4: When your friends start to ask where this person's been, tell them you don't know; even though you've been keeping tabs on their tweets to make sure they're still okay without you. Make up lies to tell your friends. Tell them they left you, so your friends will feel compelled to tell you how they were never good enough for you in the first place and that this will get easier with time. The truth is, that you don't want to talk about them again because their name adds to the clockwork ache of your stomach like you've been skipping meals since their absence.

Step 5: Stop making room for someone who's not coming, stop saving seats for imaginary bodies.

Step 6: Get rid of anything that reminds you of them; your favorite tshirt, the art piece they bought for you hanging above your head board. Matter of fact, get rid of the headboard too. Make your room even emptier without them. Don't let yourself remind you of them either because you'll have to get rid of that too. So start running, change the shape of your body so no one will fit next to you like they did. But just in case, maybe you should just keep running. Don't slow down for anyone.

Step 7: Give yourself a new name. It will get easier to hear from someone else in case they say your old name the way the person you're running from used to. Tell yourself that this is okay because you've been starting to feel like a stranger to yourself anyway.

Step 8: when the house in your chest starts burning down, leave your old self inside it, leave the memory of them inside it. You always talked about how romantic it would be to die together anyway. Wear your smoke drenched lungs like a medal of honor, let it hang from your neck like a noose that snapped from the weight even though you promise you stopped eating your meals without them.

Step 9: hold your own body close at night. Keep the pieces of youself pressed together tightly with your own palms. Don't let their broken ceramic promises crucify your hands, don't make a deity out of them if they're not the ones dying for your sins.

Step 10: Everything is in place. Stand in front of your mirror and try calling yourself by your old name. Recognize the foreign language leaking from your tongue, understand that you have turned yourself into an empty tomb, a massacre disguised as a new body. You never knew pain until this moment, placing your hand on the reflection in front of you knowing you can't even get through to yourself. Ask yourself, was this worth it?

The one who says can
Can.
That is the catch,
What you have is this moment
Make it count.
Keep moving forward
That's how winning is done
Your power is your determination
Get out of youself.
Be somebody. Make it happen
Go look in their eyes and say
'Let me show you
How great I am'

never give up hope always believe its there
always keep your faith and tell youself you care
when life it gets a burden and the going it gets tough
dont give up and tell yourself that you have had enough
hope is always there when everything has gone
have faith and hope together and your life will carry on

When Christmas is over then what? All the presents will be opened,
It is all for show and tell,  we actually don't know Christ's Birh is the Bible does not tell. There is so much contradiction, and I know by tradition and what is written, and believe what I am told, but in truth we have no written history of  Christ's birth accept in the Bible itself.
Christmas has become so materialized, gift giving and spending, where is the spirituality of it, I think they have done away with it.
Lilttle children love Christmas because of the presents they will receive, but what about the abandon animals that cruel people leave to starve and longer love you see. What about the homless people who have nothing  do the one's that have something to give give them a holiday gift bag of things that they might need or offer then Christmas dinner No I do not believe.
No not one teaches what Christ really taught when he was alive on earth it is better to give than to receive and it is better to love your neighbor than youself it the greatest commandment ever given.
When Christmas is over everything returns to the same as before with people no better than the day before.
Why Celebrate Christmas if you can' t celebrate  by giving to someone in need other than  family and families. Reach out and show them that you care just Christ did so many years before

Written October 22, 2010*

I Live to Learn
And that's hard to do with a narrow mind
That's why my eyes are open wide
I don't wanna miss a thing
That this world has to offer
Whether it be karma
Or thy Heavenly Father
Don't bother
I think what I want
No one's gonna tell me who to be
Or what to believe
Have a mind of your own
You gotta think for youself
Don't be blindly following somebody else
And never let others expectations
Overshadow what you choose to believe in
I choose to believe
In the possibility of anything
Of everything
So what does that make me?
An Agnostic? Or just simply weak?
Neither. It makes me Free.

Dont call youself a loser
Because that's not what you are
In my eyes and in my heart,
You're a shining shooting star

You are perfect and loving,
The flower that always blooms.
Even when your stuck in dirt,
Your petals gleam amongst the moon

Dont give up the grueling fight
This is what you've known and done
Dont keep beating on your head,
Strike the pain until you've won.

Dont suffer or be angry
Thank God for this great chance
To show them you don't just sing
But steal the spotlight when you dance

Don't cut youself. You are worth more than that.
Darling,put the blade down. Cutting isn't the way.
The feeling of the blade across your skin is relieving yet it's not the solution.
Blood runs down your arm/legs.
Red taints your body.
Darling,put the blade down. Don't cry. Don't let your demons win this battle. Your
Body is on the ground.
Darling, put The blade down. People cry around you. You don't wake up.
Darling,put the blade down. Everyone tries their best to wake you up. Your blood is everywhere.
Darling,put the blade down. You deserve better than this. Throw it away. Don't harm yourself no more. Fight that urge to cut yourself again.
Darling,please put down the blade. Don't taint your body red no more. You are worth more then you know.

THC allows me to see parts of me that you youself chose not to see
Through sober eyes its hard to see where the lines lie inside
where we hide behind ego pride
bending the right use of will has an internal effect on the present
unaware of dialect, if left unchecked the mind protects from psychosis the pshycotic net.
i hear the inner voices of I the high the high of the inner eye.

i sit on the edge
of your bed.
stroking your fine golden
hair,
as you murmur and mumble
in your sleep.

you had once again,
thrown off your covers
and lay with arms and
legs oustretched.

you are outgrowing
these pyjamas,
with the curious george
print.
you are out growing
this narrow bed,
made...
as your first,
big boy bunk

and sadly you are
outgrowing the toddler's
need,
to be within sight of
the mother.

i am glad you are defining
youself,
as independant.
i am glad you are going
through,
this season
of seperateness.

as it gives us,
comfort to know,
the examples we have set,
allow you to be,
a happy, carefree child
who can,
enjoy his own company
or,
can play within a group
quite happily.

but i do miss,
your squishy little hand
in mine...
i do miss,
those clinging cuddles
and the nestling
of your little body,
fitting, squirmily,
into the side of mine....

i must ask Da to design
a bigger bed for you....
perhaps now,
you can help him build it.

you have now  settled
back into deep sleep,
my golden boy
and yet,
i cannot  take
my leave of you....

i linger,stroking,
your sleeping head,
drinking in,
the last vestiges of my baby, my toddler...
my growing up, ever up,
faster than i thought...
little man..

Is poetry all stereotypical?
Can one now write without cliché?
To write romance like Shakespeare
Or depressed thriller like Poe
Is now considered cliché, taboo, and old

What is left for us?

I say rid YOURSELF of stereotype
Rid YOUSELF of taboo
rid YOURSELF of your own clichés
And create anew

I wish to throw up *** scenes
**** out the angst with the rest of the waste!
Those are MY clichés. MINE

I will breathe in the romance!
Swallow the comedy whole.
Done too much?
Maybe by another
But not I.

You ask us the write,
But not mimic the greats.
It's only cliché if we've done it,
Let it become a stereotype of us
And have it consume our bodies.

So I will write poems
Of natures beauty
Of fantasy dreams
And it will not be cliché
Because it will come from me.
From the deepest reaches of my soul
Through my guts and blood
It is forged like a sword.

So call it cliché if I am to write
The same way as the greats.
It won't make it less beautiful
Or any less new.

We've got a special kind of love.
it's so unbelievable.
I thought you loved me like I love melancholy moods.
But you only loved yourself,
So i have another story to tell,
Hold on, strap your seatbelt
We're about to take off.

You knew that we were all wrong
We were caught up in the ******.
Closer and closer we grew,
And things were getting ****
I want to get to know you, everything about you.
Perfect imperfections and sly innuendos.
And i never said it'd be easy,
But who knew this could be so pleasing?

You're just a basket case,
A yellow-bellied coward.
Why can't you say it to my face?
I'm getting older by the hour.
Time is ticking on, and im starting to get mad.
Erase the feelings of love and most everything we had.

You make you're way in like a venomous snake.
I'm sorry to say there's a line in your way.
The line is the bind between my love and your hate.
You're an unsympathetic ****,
Don't ******* treat me this way.
This simply can't work, trust me i know.
I've got the rage of a madman, so id run,
And run. I'd go.

Go away from me.
Stop feeling sorry for youself.
You want to try to control me, I'm on the highest shelf.
I pity you, honey, i really do.
Lying, manipulating *******, thats you.
You might want to start praying now,
Because im not about to bow.
This is really going to hurt,
So prepare for the worst.

Here's an announcement ladies and gents!
Cat's out of the bag so *******! Get bent.
I aim to please, and i ain't pleasing you.
My heart's on the mend, and oh yeah, *******!

You're just a basket case,
A yellow-bellied coward.
Why can't you say it to my face?
I'm getting older by the hour.
Time is ticking on, and im starting to get mad.
Erase the feelings of love and most everything we had.

You make you're way in like a venomous snake.
I'm sorry to say there's a line in your way.
The line is the bind between my love and your hate.
You're an unsympathetic ****,
Don't ******* treat me this way.
This simply can't work, trust me i know.
I've got the rage of a madman, so id run,
And run. I'd go.

My temper is high, you weak-kneed coward.
The pleasure's all mine you pathetic ****.
You're one of the ******, so you'll be
Locked in the cage.
This story is over, and yet not my rage.

We have a special kind of love,
And it's a dangerous one.
It's one that ends with you...
At the barrel of my gun.