"xan" poems
hickory nuts
and wind trees
are keeping
at the old buckle bay
light house corners and
shaker church craft
slip anchor on the southern tip
secret legions
and phenolic board
tuck in at gout dock
bands and nations
and miracle speak
fill in the center hall
sand hooks
and water domes
cover wharf road
***** bay toppers
and seven horse chugs
scatter the swollen upper deck
packards and pushers
and rusty back rails
skirt the night
lanterns and sterns
and navy gulls
steady on task
sand cakes
and drift wood
held tight on
the mystery tour
yellow tails
and tide pools
flat line
at royal reach
paddles
and cables
find ripples way
smugglers and smitties
take cover
from a
northern gale
down on
pocket shoal
there’s a graceful hue
~ they’re serving up
belons and xan…
it's time to get in
for a fill
Jul 3, 2017
Jul 3, 2017 at 2:12 PM UTC
I actually found someone I prefer more than
The xan
I would rather remember the time I spend on him
I want to feel every touch and breath he gives me
He addicts me more than
This xan
When I’m incoherent and don’t understand the world for a few hours
When I’m so weak
And so useless
So dumb
He keeps the danger away and I’m safe in his arms and
The xan never gave a **** about me
It made me stop thinking
But it also made me stop caring
About everything and everyone
But him
He was stronger than
The xan
He never ruined me
And the xan sure did
I can turn away from it now
But him, I can’t
I used to dance with little white, yellow, and green bars in my butterfly filled stomach
Until I lost my balance and
That xan
Did me so wrong
But he
Only wanted to help and I fell in love with that
In love with him
His
I didn’t want to belong to the xan
I wanted to die by the xan
Except now, he made me love this life
Made me realize that I can
Without the xan
My boyfriend tastes better
Makes me feel better
Takes care of me better
Than
Any kind of xan I
Could ever find
Sep 5, 2015
Sep 5, 2015 at 1:26 AM UTC
Yes I can,
Take your hand,
Smile like a fool,
And say "Isn't life grand?"
And we can plan,
With Lady Xan...
Stressful days,
Sleepless nights,
Can't catch a wink
For the sweat and fright,
When I feel like,
I've lost the fight...
The pleasant sound
That bottle makes...
I toss it in my palm,
Like an old mistake,
And wonder how
Many should I take?
A little here,
A little there,
A little in the middle
Of my Anywhere,
And I can breathe,
This stagnant air...
But when she's gone,
Oh, trouble brews,
Feeling such a pain
I never thought I knew,
What to do?
Oh, what to DO?
With Lady Xan,
The lowest hand,
Feels like a gift
From a wonderland,
And yes I can,
With Lady Xan.
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 11:28 AM UTC
o, rèmy martin dreamer,
with cheap hen on your breath.
the good brown is not the backwoods
or juul pods in virgina tobacco,
&
maybe the good brown manifests in my hair,
before the ammonia, touching my scalp
and turning it as red as my tongue after
a strawberry lollipop. everything
tastes like you.
&
i wish i could touch you again,
just hold your hand, brush your
elbow, play with your hair.
but i also wish i could drive a thousand
machetes into your flesh, while screaming
&
writhing with trash-sickened fervor .
you are vomit-inducing. you smell
like a thousand patchouli-burning
stoners, but you feel like velvet
and taste like sugar-sweat.
you might be popping a xan right now,
knee-deep in beautiful girls.
and i'm still dope-sick.
Apr 3, 2018
Apr 3, 2018 at 12:14 PM UTC
Binges, binge this, binge that.
Never tried twack, nor crack,
40+ Unisom Sleep Gels,
Put me in some intense sleep spells.
Tried my first Xan,
ate all 14 blues in my hand.
Still hadn't even had ***
Didn't have a phone to text.
I ate 63 Unisom this time,
but I knew I felt fine.
Walked in the night through my town,
till those Webb City cops had to put me down.
Got a really awesome plug,
taught me how to deal and ****
Tried twak, crack and sold it to my city,
I could get a gram for fifty.
Caught my first DWI,
dude I'm not drunk! but I was high.
I sat in the Jasper County Jail,
read all the bible while I was in my cell.
Got my best friend pregnant,
man life was really pleasant.
4 months my seed dies,
only God could hear my cries.
7 bottles of cough suppressant,
God came to me in my coma segment.
I had no intentions of turning away,
I was living my life day for day.
Shot my first handgun,
I started my life on the run.
I hated the world and I hated myself,
I had everything except for help.
3 hits of acid, 1 bottle of cough syrup, some **** DMT, and Hash.
My 20th birthday had to be a bash.
I saw a dragon hatch from the sky,
I swore we all were gonna die.
I couldn't wait for the world to end,
I had not a single friend everyone was for pretend.
Started going by Okey Dokey,
caused more mischief than Loki!
I wound myself down with a girl,
I thought she was my world.
We thought we were in love,
but we just loved to rub.
Left her after a week of being locked up,
I wanted to be like a lotus that grows from the muck.
I found a relationship with my Lord and Saviour,
I couldn't believe that what he had set for me later!
Turning the age of 22 and confined,
I was started to see becoming less blind.
I was baptized in the jail,
I gave up my feelings to fail!
Now here I am,
becoming a man.
I live in a Church now,
may peace and love be with you, Chow!
Sep 11, 2014
Sep 11, 2014 at 9:47 PM UTC
shifting between polar bears
man i’m ******* bipolar
i hate you i love you, hell knows
should i have let you walk?
we were a **** show
brutally perfect kind of picture
hung on my toilet bowl
looking at you
as i puke up the xan bars of last night's party
while you lit up ur blunt
sending u my nudes
while writing love letters
we’re having a rad time
until we a mess
corruption
******* the pain away in our basement
i'm hurting i'm screaming onto the highroad
pulled up my skirt on the curb like a side ***
pick me up pick me up again
car lights flashing
i’ll be your own girl
I’ll do you right doe
while you flying in from LA
crashing your cute face
******* wrecking it against the ground boy
Dec 14, 2020
Dec 14, 2020 at 4:45 PM UTC
What's better than tripping is falling in love
What's better than Letterman, Leno, Fallon, and all the above
What's better than popping bottles trying to ball in the club
Is the first caveman pops with his son, ball and a club
What's better than paper is ballin' it up
What's better than followers is actually fallin' in love
What's better than frolicking, follies, fallin' in mud
Rolling in green pastures, wanderin', followin' love
What's better than eating is feeding your fam
What's better than meetings is missing meetings to meet with your fam
What's better than leaning and needing a Xan
Is hitting your zan dreaming a dream could mean leaving the land
What's better than yelling is hollerin' love
What's better than rhymes, nickels, dimes and dollars and dubs
Is dialing up your darling just for callin' her up
It ain't nothing better than fallin' in love
IGH!
Jul 12, 2018
Jul 12, 2018 at 11:48 AM UTC
Kendra is a star student and athlete
She is fifteen,brown, tall and has long hair
Every guy wants to beat
But she would never share
One party one night one guy
She let him fix her drink
He knew how to lie
Slipped her a xan I think
Nows she is in the sunken place
Numb to his force
Tears roll down her face
As he begins ***********
He gets up his evil deed done
She lays there hoping to forget
Weeks past she told no one
Her stomach the threat
Then she took the test
positive as she feared
Her mind unclear
About what to do from here
She is Christian so the answer is simple
Be a kid with a kid that’s not hard
But soon she will pop like a pimple
Can she live with being scarred
The thought never crossed her mind
Unless death was the case
Could she really decline
A offer from a holy place
What would mom say
What about my pastor
This is the only way
To make it go away faster
Is she selfish for wanting better
For righting his wrong
She cries in her dads sweater
Alone and confused how long
Til the heartbeat comes
And the shape grows
Then you see thumbs
No it has to be done she knows
She takes four buses on a cold Saturday
Walks in the door to horror
Smell of decay and saddens weigh
Girls crying as the attendant ignores her
Eyes full of hate and dismay
Realizing three signatures signs a life away
She walks to the back feet so heavy
Now on the table the moment see feared
Face to face her tears burst like a levy
A blueberry a appeared
Every fiber telling her to go
To take the risk and figure it out
Two doctors walk in and she sets her eyes low
the pain makes her shout
One hour passes before she leaves
Her mind empty like her soul
She greaves but still believes
See after everything she was still whole
In the end her choice saved and ended life
Not out of hate but through faith
She could live with strife
Because it was her wraith
Her body was hers again
And one day when she chooses
Her mate and has that special date
Where the view is
Full of joy
her love will circulate
To see her choice cultivate
Jul 22, 2018
Jul 22, 2018 at 7:37 PM UTC
I grew up always telling myself things would get better.
But the longer I lived my life I always thought the world was getting more bitter and bitter.
Because every time I would take one step forward in life, I would be pushed back, further and further behind the starting line.
No one gives a **** about me. Even those who are paid to care just laugh behind my back.
From 10 years old I had my very first suicide attempt, now 8 years later I've tried 7 more times because the ******* therapist didn't give a single **** about how I was truly feeling.
From 12 years old I've been dependent on anti-depressants, now 6 years later I'm triple dosing my pills just to feel a fix, all because she was only focused on that 10-3 time card.
From 14 years old I've been addicted to alcohol, now 4 years later I hit the bottom of the bottle before I even feel a buzz, all because the paid rehab was just like those stupid therapy sessions.
From 17 years old I started looking at heavier drugs to feel fixed, now 1 years later taking a Xan in the morning followed by 3 Zoloft pills is the normal after a sleepless night of throwing up all the codeine I put my system through.
For 18 years I've cried over my mom.
For 18 years I've cried over my dad.
For 18 years all I've ever wanted to do was just ******* die.
Because I don't care how much longer it's gonna take that stupid rain cloud to go away for me to see the rainbows, I don't care, I physically nor mentally can take another hour of living in this makeshift hell above the ground.
Jul 27, 2019
Jul 27, 2019 at 12:09 AM UTC
A beautiful winding road when courage races down,
they meet face to face, a steering wheel in the mouth
and pieces of metal tear the eyes.
They wave at each other. I'm the one that looks the other way.
I make sure this isn't smoke in my eyes.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
MY WIFE KICKS ME IN THE SHINS BECAUSE i'M TOO NICE & I'M TOO DISHONEST
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
When I pass Hopkins Steel, the boisterous starlets covered by make-up gowns see beyond the factory smoke.
I just need to take another Xan to help myself forget about how much I want to puke.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
I come to a stop. This time I smell smoke which resembles the humble.
I peek through the window and I see them on fire.
Stillness. Until they all crumble to the ground.
They werenever worried about their features; their possessions or their impressions because they didn't have any.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
The contorted fan swung with his limbs rigid and stiff; directing a lost signal. Set like a stone for me to run from.
A hand come out from the smoke and twists my arm.
The look of his charred face forces my ***** a gooey black tar of resentment.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
I'm now waiting tables. I think of my wife sleeping with her boss.
I think of her nagging at me whenever she hears me breath.
If Karma doesn't exist, then maybe I should just thrw her under a BUS.
She fell! She wasn't pushed . . .
\\\\\\
An arrogant customer persists insults.
He demand for coffee. His previous did not taste of his brand.
"Your face is one hot coal waiting to get ****** on."
I come back with the coffee; tainted with my own ***** matter.
"You might as well quit now you ******* low life."
I throw the coffee in his face, stannds up and screams.
His entire face is scolding, he smells like **** and is crying like a *******
BABY.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
I'm sitting on the bedside, contemplating.
There's blended merlot & Sonata with cherry ice cubes.
ynoT, I've filled my sock with aerosol.
Might as well join the Rugby Boys.
It's the kindest geture I've done to myself.
Nov 30, 2016
Nov 30, 2016 at 4:05 AM UTC
My words be plenty wise,
Yet people only wanna listen to garbage,
Like lil skies.
Afterall, the rap game has shown it hates logic.
Maybe I’d be rich,
If I bragged that I could have plenty wives.
Maybe you’d ******* listen,
If my words were sadistic like pennywise.
Maybe I’d be signed,
If I sold my soul to the demon goat with three eyes.
However, with fame comes leeches,
That tell pretty lies.
Getting hooked to the fiction,
Compromising morality to get between some thighs,
As well as wine and dined,
With bells come the whistles for the blind.
The frame of mind,
Through space and time,
Has begun to unwind,
With evolution on the decline.
What was once filled with clarity,
Is now filled with mumbling.
What once expressed challenging themes,
Now all sounds the same to me.
It’s so sad to see,
A Grammy list that nominated lil baby,
But not Denzel Curry, now that’s a tragedy.
I think I need to down me some communion wine,
Cause people have lost they minds,
Acting gangster but we know they lying,
Pulling a gunna out from behind,
Yet if caught, pull a 6ix9ine,
**** I swear music is confined,
Instead of bumping to Tech N9ne,
They pop lil xan’s while watching drumline,
Makes me wishing I could reincarnate as a slime,
Because it’s just so uninspiring,
Young wannabe thugs thinking they lions,
Are just lying to themselves,
Wanting be like ***
But ending up a body full of gun shells,
POW POW POW POW,
Can’t you see the parallels?
Too busy believing in the fairytale,
Thinking ya can set sail,
Like a lil yachty boat,
But even the titanic thought it could float,
It’s funny that these SoundCloud rappers,
Think they the goat,
Trying so hard to attain some cloat,
By calling Eminem a joke.
But the only joke I see,
Is you folk.
What was once filled with clarity,
Is now filled with mumbling.
What once expressed challenging themes,
Now all sounds the same to me.
It’s so sad to see,
A Grammy list that nominated lil baby,
But not Denzel Curry, now that’s a tragedy.
Jun 10, 2021
Jun 10, 2021 at 12:18 PM UTC
My fix can’t be craved
My hunger is never waived
I’m so enslaved
By noon here comes my hookup
Time to shoot up
Thick, long hair, little waist
Makeup all on her face
She is as hollow as a dead tree
Only skill is to be on a knee
But the drug is leaving me
My hand shakes
Sweat lakes
Stomach aches
Until the clock strikes seven
Now I’m in heaven
Oxy, lean, xan , hurry Kevin
I need to feel no pain
Clear the clouds in my brain
Put life in my veins
It’s only temporary
Then I go get merry
Head to my library
Inside green papers only
That way I’m never lonely
Because Benjamin is my *****
My day comes to end
I’m full on my sin
Well until the sun comes again
Jul 4, 2018
Jul 4, 2018 at 7:15 PM UTC