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Violet Valley May 2014
I take a hit.
My body warms,
I feel elated.
I crave you.
I need you.

It starts to hurt.
Friends judge.
They reason.
I quit you.

I relapse.
Again I am elated.
I crave you.
I need you.

Regret.
Guilt.
Pain.
Cries.

I take another hit.
I am addicted.
No one suspects.
I hide you.
I crave you.
I need you.

You hurt me.
Regret.
Guilt.
Pain.
Cries.

No reason.
No certainty.
Secret comfort.
Temporary euphoria.
I need help.
Your love is my drug.
Jean Hustich Apr 2018
Like a dying tree before of you I stand
Drowning my bitterness in the sea of your eyes
Hoping we would ever reach the land
Where our fears meet their demise

But then again, you are out of reach
And a melody of your hurtful speech
Rebounds around in my heart and soul
Dragging them in an inevitable black hole

In those restless nights I dream of you
I feel your cold grip on my broken skin
As you rip off he warmth within

And your perfume invades me through
I smile like when I admired you in silence
And when you stole my soul with your love intense
colorfulSmoke Sep 18
Addiction comes again,
Cogitation fuels the yearner,
A soaked rag petting skin
As a bellow stokes ember.

Endorphins, tastes tripping on the tongue
Just a little,
Wet lips cracking with electric spume
For a piffling sip of ambrosia.

Want needs emptiness
When it is full of gluttony.
A ***** drop falls
rippling in the blood of energy.

Racing, flipping, falling through pages
To get to the darker side.
Sand left desiccated and burning
for a cold withdrawal of the tide.
karin naude Jan 2014
my ******* affair
a blood covenant
continues negative on the balance sheets
a constant power struggle
my soul and unwavering obedience the prize
secretly a grudge grows
(encouraged by continual love famine
inclined by love withdrawal punishment)
poisoning the source

uncomprehensible to me
why i am always found unworthy
fathers love, blessing and protection
unattainable
withdrawal, nonacceptance and deliberate bad wishes
fertilizes the acre
what will the harvest be
tug of war for my sanity
my Heavenly Father and mum
vs
the enemy and dad
forge in this firepit
born among ashes
zoe May 16
-
I can still hear you teasing me
When I'd steal your cigarettes
I only smoked with you
And I miss smoking.
MaryJane Doe Aug 2018
Withdrawal thy toe
From the deep end an see
Just how much
You've abandoned me

Thy hours are eternity
Without a drop to drink
Quite a lonely life for me
Watching dead men sink

A shame
Our love
Is not enough
To withdrawal
These Dependencies

A conflict in progression
My apologies
Done with regression
In harmfull times as these
Feeling worthless
And worth less
Than a drop of vile drink
Just had to get some stress from my chest. I'm missing my father more than ever these days. As my life has become a sad re-run of the past.
Leah Faye Aug 2017
A leisurely withdrawal to tranquility,
The sun, she descends.
Signifying an end,
Yet also a beginning -
New start, new change, new opportunity.

Gaze upon the sky spread before you like a canvas.
Mother Nature hand-paints tinges of each hue,
Mellow watercolours from periwinkle to scarlet.
Each day an ever-changing embodiment of her aptitude,
A fresh spectacle of allure.

Halflight turns to scenes of soft dusk,
Tiny opals of stars embellish the stratosphere,
The moon now smiles his spectral lustre.

Even a nirvana remains hollow in your absence -
In beauty, I reminisce,
It's lost, without you.
N Dec 2017
People always say that relationships are hard,
but they are not supposed to feel exhausted.
It shouldn't be so self consuming and agonizing.
You put me through this emotionally draining cycle almost every day.
It goes like this:

you get provoked and infuriated,
I push to defend myself,
you argue then neglect me,
I feel at fault and withdrawal myself,
you manipulate and guilt trip me,
I apologize,
you are apologetic yet unlawfully canny,
I build you back up.

After the cycle,
You are left feeling complete yet
I am left with an ample void.
After the cycle,
your integrity, contentment, and overall mind set,
are surely enhanced and amplified
I am left with an everlasting void
that expands through every small dispute

you guilt trip me after every single fight,
saying you aren't worthy of me,
that you aren't good enough.
I can't let you think that,
so I fix your thoughts.
It's so tiring.

I'm trapped.

I care about you, so how could I leave.
But even if i wanted to, I couldn't
there are barriers.

your friends would hate me,
your sister would dislike me.
your bestfriend yet also my bestfriend, would leave me.

I cant risk these things.

I feel trapped.

But i love you,
so its okay.

right?
Carter Ginter Apr 2013
Ever wonder what someone's sadness feels like?
Ever really see that there's a huge difference between theirs and your own?
What you understand as depression, may only be a blue day for another.
I suppose that's why we can't relate to all poetry,
Or truly understand much of it,
To its cold point.

How can we be predispositioned in good,
While surrounded by so much evil?
Call it human nature;
No such thing as corruption,
Instead it's all about purification.
Daily struggles, testing our patience and ability to remain on a steady path.
Each successful decision resulting in a step closer to personal sublimation.

So what if dreams are reality,
And reality is just the dream?
Who's to say life is what it seems,
And that dreams are only mental representations of our inner desires?
Life's a withdrawal and dreams are the drugs that stop it,
Yet equally prolong it.
Then you wake up again.
Not quite sure of this. Probably not written well at all. But these are thoughts I've been experiencing over the last few days. Nothing really makes a whole lot of sense, and psychology and daily life are giving me different perspectives on things.
Officially,
the calendar now marks
that it's been over a year
since I've last had your taste.
I should be proud
of myself
- and I am -
but more so, I am
surrounded by frustration.

I cannot write code like I used to.
Neither can I
find the words to write poetry
like I used to.
With you,
my creativity and passion
came effortlessly:
like turning on a tap
from which the essence
flowed,
whenever I took
my next hit.

Now, it's been
over a year from you;
and the passion from which
you robbed me of
is starting to come back.

I refuse to let
my memories of you
taint
that which I love.

My subdued passion
for programming,
video games,
and literature
shall not be dull forever.

With every new moon
that passes,
the fog in the mirror
continues to fade,
as my reflection
becomes clear.

And with it,
I feel (more than anything)
the ambition
that which you stole from me
ever-so-slowly return.

I so desperately
searched for my soul
while in your grasp.
Clouded by your embrace,
I lost myself,
and saw only the image you painted
in the mirror.

In time I will find myself again.
Fully.

One year clean
is something to celebrate.
been clean from speed a year and haven't wrote anything because it's hard for me to come up with anything of remote quality without the drug. at least that's what it feels like on my end. ah well, one year clean celebration poem.
Carter Ginter Oct 2012
Unspoken feelings, they cry out in the night.
You hold my heart frozen, so wrong but so right.
My dreams scream for you, my body aches in withdrawal.
Baby you're a drug and I'm in for the haul.
Addicted to the pain, addicted to the feeling.
I'm an addict, a lover, just a human being.
You were never good for me, that's what you would tell.
I said I'd stay standing, but so quickly I fell.
One kiss, one touch, one day at the park.
My love it unravels, but only alone in the dark.
I never had told you, the way I really felt.
As you'd hold me so close, my heart it would melt.
You made me feel safe, for once in my time.
The happiest I've ever been, when I thought you'd be mine.
Yet I was sadly mistaken, just lost in a haze.
I was high off your love, but for you it was solely a phase.
Lizzy Apr 2015
Pill one was bad,
It made me sick.
Didn't work too well.
The zombie i became,
Drove some away.
It made the monsters multiply.
I spent my days in bed,
Too tired to move.
But lighting would strike my lips,
If I dare stop.

The next was heaven,
God lived in that pill.
Still on number one though,
It only added to my war.
See, number two had other uses.
I could take three and feel like flying.
I could crush it into dust,
And smell it's sweet high.
Pill number two got me really ******* high.

The crash from number two,
Pushed me to number three.
Withdrawal made me twitch,
Sent electricity through my veins.
Number three replaced two.
Still on one,
I hoped it would be the change.
It only made me fear for my life.
It killed my love,
Left me to die.

Doctor number two,
Please fix number one's mess.
He ****** me up bad.
But you listen to me.
You don't just write down symptoms,
And give me drugs when you tell me to leave.
Doctor two knows more about me than I do.

Take away number one,
She gave me number four.
I was a homicidal maniac.
My anger took over,
And violence seemed so lovely.
After some time this was all gone.
It did nothing to save me,
Didn't even try.
Doctor, this doesn't do ****.
It's left me drowning again.

Take away three.
Number four and five,
Now that's a combination.
Pill five stole my sleep,
And all desire to eat.
Food looked disgusting,
My heart beat quickened.
I couldn't stand still.
Now on four and five at the same time,
And starving,
I lost fifteen pounds.

Now add six.
Four, five, and six.
All at the same time.
What's happening to my body?
I've become a science project.
I felt all the chemicals in me.
Might as well have been poison,
Because six did nothing.
Like number four,
It didn't even try.

Take away four,
Give me number seven.
Now we have seven, five, and six.
It's too early to tell,
How seven will **** me up.
I don't feel human anymore,
Just chemicals with feet.
Seven, please save me.
You need rehab from me, and I’m sorry
but this isn’t healthy.
Admitting being a problem is sobering
And I hope you can recover from my withdrawal.
I’ll be busy detoxing myself, for you
For everyone after you.
I hope you remember how great you are!!
I'll be cheering you on from a far!!
& that you're better off
without
me
broke up with my boyfriend today and it was the classic story, opposites attract but they don't last.. almost everything that was attractive wasn't out of resemblance to one's self, but to the extreme differences in one another.
Struggling to want to communicate, is a red flag
Andrew Jun 2017
I fell in love with you
More accurately
I fell in love with the feelings you transferred into me
But those mutinous emotions betrayed me
The moment you did
The withdrawal from your love was too intense
I desperately needed something to replace those feelings

I always said I could run from anything
as long as it didn't involve running
But after walking with you for so long
It's hard to change my pace
The path too tough to face
Your memories fueled the chase
Until I found my escape

The kneading needles turned me fetal
Shocked my veins like eels
Fetuses aren't the most ambulatory
The race became a marathon story
Your effervescent ghost pursued me
Breaking the sound barrier to reach me
I floated vacantly in the stew of your noise
The needles touched me
The way you wouldn't
The needles bled me
The way you would

Then the race ended as abruptly as it started
Only to begin another race
...But things were different this time

Slugs waved as they passed a sprinter
Tormented by a lane filled with needles
The hostile crowd watched with pity
As a once great athlete
Was forced to acknowledge his janitorial duties
The fickle mob cheered with triumph
Upon his valiant return
He was quicker than ever before
And the masses exalted him
He ran faster than everybody
And waited for nobody
Anxious they might reveal his secret
That his speed was derived from his feather weight
After the needles hollowed out his insides
Carter Ginter Jan 2018
Amongst the purple clouds
My mind swims so freely
Thoughts of you are overwhelming
And my chest aches in withdrawal
From this new experience

It all feels so fast
But addictions often are
Pulsating heart
Your words alone intensify it's beat
Your touch makes it race even faster
But it also pulses deep

Even as time passes
These feelings grow more intensely
I can't imagine how that's possible
But I'm lost in this world with you
Warmth spreads through my body
As we lay in the silent darkness

This feels like peace
Our own escape from the universe
We've created our own dimension
Comprised of vulnerability and intimacy
Driven by anarchist tendencies
It feels nearly untouchable

You're my drug of choice
And I'm high on this love
Buzzing from your smile
And your laugh fuels my soul
I am finally present
In these beautiful moments with you

Our hands meet in the dark
Under the influence of these feelings
I know I could chase this high forever
Carter Ginter Nov 2017
Fresh baked bread
Layered in death and vegetation
My insides burn with withdrawal
It's been almost 24 hours now
How much longer will it take?
To either cave in unwillingly
Or to die painfully slow?

If I had not forgotten my cash
I'd have given in to my survival drives
I'm happy I forgot it
Because I can't stomach the idea of food
Let alone choke down something so revolting
Only because it pulls me further away from death

Instead I flood my veins with nicotine
Desperately trying to curb these cravings
My legs threaten to give out
With each step I take
Even now, scratching this among global fem notes
Dissociated entirely from class
My hands won't stop shaking

Is it nerves?
Or physical deterioration?
Or the panic lying under the surface?
Deafening screams ricochet through my mind
As I try to drown these feelings
But they won't disappear

I've dropped significant weight
And I don't want it back
I don't feel the need to lose more
But still it falls away
And eventually leaves nothing but skin and bones
Fueled by electrifying anxiety
Carter Ginter Jul 2017
A small black cloud circumvents my path as I trail through the world
He loves me, I think, for I fill his needs and provide the excess attention that he strives on
And I love him more than words can describe and, when he does not linger near, I feel lost and anxious

While the world may never understand his place in my life, I know that I could not live without him
But, one day, I'll have to
One day, my shadow will seem empty and silenced
My heart will ache with withdrawal and my ears will bleed without his sweet song

But I will keep breathing

Because the way he touched my life will last forever

While I may not always feel his soft fur along my fingertips
Or have the chance to cuddle him to sleep
I will forever love my sweet cat-son
For he has saved my life every day
With his love for life, innocence against all evils, and the sense of family he provided
Throughout my darkest days and loneliest nights
May you live eternally
An unnecessarily dramatic piece about my cat
Marla Apr 6
Pictures of who I once was
Line their new walls.
They cling to me despite
My enjoying their withdrawal.

Life is now so visceral
And I've learned to feel.
Their lies keep them high above me
Like a broken ferris wheel.

They can see me,
But I ignore them.
Their yells the backdrop
To my teenage reverie.

Those years are stuck in time
Like a long-forgotten fair by the sea.
Though they try to taunt me with sirens,
I'll never go back there while I stand free.
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