it’s amazing how i could transfer myself into a girl


you see i have this problem of seeing on the floor

so i do the girl thing, and sit down on the toilet to do a wee

it works, because ire’s embarrassing to be a guy

so i sit down on the toilet an d wee, and nothing goes on the floor

i don’t care if i look like a girl, it’s better than seeing my pants

and it’s better than being treated like a little yeah mate yeah kid

because if you have problems with seeing on the floor

you sit down and be a girl, and wee sitting down

i know it seems weird, but i am a girl

i have problems seeing on the floor, so i will be a girl

i don’t want to be an embarrassment to the guys or any other member of the human

i know i am getting help with my housework, by home help

but at least i am trying to better myself, so i will be a girl, to stop me seeing on the floor

because the guy life doesn’t work for me, so i will be a girl

do my art and sit down on the toilet, so nothing goes on the floor

i get fungus on my feet, because i am grotty, but i am no little baby kid

i am dealing with my problems ok, and if that means i have to be a girl, so be it

you see i hear voices of mates saying, shut up baby shut up baby

because i am too babyish to be a bloke, because the little girl life is better for me

i am no koomarri man, i don’t know how to be as perfect as my dad was

so i be a little girl and sit down on the toilet

i am a man who sees like a girl, cause the man life don’t work for me

i am a man who sees like a girl, cause i can’t help it if i stand ***, i wee on the seat and floor

so i sit down and wee like a little girl, better than the yobbos, hey

i am now a little girl, i wee in the toilet better if i sit down

cause i am not a messy little kid, no way hoizei

you see i have problems with cleanliness as well, so i am getting help

so i sit on the toilet to avoid seeing on the floor

i am not shy to be a little girl, aren’t i

Where were you yesterday
I was in the woods with Jimmy
And what were you doing there
Well first he asked me to take my knickers off
Did you
Yes I did , he has such a nice smile
Did you see his thingy
What's a thingy
Have you never seen a thingy
How could I have done ,
when I don't know
What on earth is a thingy
Have you any brothers
No , but does that matter
Well you would have seen one for sure
Look if I don't know what one is
How would I know if I've seen one
I'll have to tell you
We don't have one
Because we are girls
O.K. we don't have a thingy
Will we have one each
When we grow up
Ugh ! I don't jolly think so
Who'd want one of those horrid things
Alright you've got my interest in a whirl
What do they do with them
MMM , they use them for wee weeing
Is that it ,for wee weeing
So it's like a hosepipe
Well yes but smaller
Why have they got one
And not we girls haven't
Don't know
I've just realized
Did he take his trousers down
No why should he
Don't know
But why did he ask you
To take your knickers off
Easy , he wanted the elastic
to make a catapult.

I praise her arrival,
I wail at her leave –
I place my love in the sun,
Because I will never grieve.
She would never abandon me –
But if she leaves me be.
Weeing on my knees.
I’ll find comfort in the world,
Crying with me.

It is 1977, everyone is wearing the stone washed 501's
I haven't felt this way about America for months
Listening to Bowie with the smile on my face
Studying math and history at my own slow pace
The baby is crawling around the floor...
Weeing and cooing at certain moving objects
While the cat is being pet and being fed Chex
However that works, no idea...
He's an unusual cat, I must add...
Because when he got a bird, and it bled onto my plaids
I did not know whether to become enraged or plain sad
I breathe in and out
And stare out the window to stare at the clouds
Berlin looks so nice from here
I spent the whole night smoking Marlboro Lights and drinking my beer
Seeing soccer on my tele, all I can do is cheer
All my bad thoughts and horrible feelings suddenly disappear
Sally is saying she is turning her back on religion
And goes outside to feed the pigeons
She introduced me to ****** on Wednesday
And I shot up all through Thursday
Then Lenny got a job back in May
And because of my drinking problems, my wife decided not to stay
I went to court and now I have custody
My children will never be taken away...

[Note: I wrote this poem hours before listening to Berlin by Lou Reed, which has been called the most depressing album ever, they were right, but it can lose it's effect if you listen to it repeatedly...This poem is inspired by the album and it's elements and themes...]