I hate myself. I hate my mind. I hate my body. I hate the way I speak. I hate my emotions. I hate my physical feelings. I hate my life. I hate my writing. I hate my thoughts. I hate the disjointed voices. I hate the way I walk. I hate the way I move. I hate the wayi eat, if I do at all. I hate the things I read. I hate the taste of my own blood. I hate my cheeks. I hate my teeth. I hate my torn up fingers. I hate my scars. I hate my bruises. I hate my hair. I hate my eyes. I hate my smile. I hate my lips. I hate my nose. I hate my diseases. I hate my depression. I hate my suicide. I hate my ADHD. I hate my anxiety. I hate my rumored schizophrenia. I hate my memories. I hate that people like me. I hate that people love me. I hate that people hate me. I hate being alone, but I hate being social. I hate the things I draw. I hate the things I talk about. I hate the treatment I go to. I hate how I try to help. I hate the things I learn. I hate my pain. I hate my blindness. I hate my voice. I hate my hearing. I hate the bracelet that pinches me. I hate the nise it makes. I hate the way the metal smells. I hate the bile in my throat when I feel guilty or scared. I hate the way I bite the inside of my mouth to bake myself bleed. I hate when I scratch and don't remember. I hate the way I shake when I cry. I hate being comforted. I hate when people talk to me. I hate wanting to go on even though I can't. I hate wanting to end this. End it all.

Latshon' ilanga kumnyama entla!
Laphum' ilanga ubuhlanti busavaliwe!
Yhini mzo ntsundu asisena mithetho ithotyelwayo?

Ndeva uThamsanqa utshatile,kanti naye uNomathemba wendile!
Kalok uSthembiso ebengafun uk'phuma endleleni walandela utata wayi tishala!

Way'mosha umakhelwan' ngoku gxeka intombi izakhela igama!waqala uMandisa wajola'jola,walendela ngokunxila...Wabahlalisa phantsi ngoku shiya ikhaya!

Engqondwen' yakhe ebefuna ukushiya intlupheko akhangele impucuko,eyakhe impazamo ibikuthengisa ngo mzimba ngethemba lokubeka isonka etafileni!

Hay' wethu ungambuzi ebecinga ntoni..Ngoba naye ebengazi!

I’m that guyWho’s a sour noteThat sinks deep belowSuch ascending cadences. I’m that guyWho is a shitload of fuckThat shares a planet withFuckloads of shitI’m that guyWhose blindness cannot be curedWith mud slinged in eyesAlready tinted with brownI’m that guyWho facepalms wheneverGod’s precious little angelShares herself with thatintention.I’m that guyWhose insomnia is legendaryFor believing that the moonWill swallow us allI’m that guyWho crouches down betweenDissident friends partingEvery which wayI’m that guy Who plucks petals off flowersFor incense, ‘cause they smellbetterEngulfed in fiery passionI’m that guyWho strides in the snowUnscathed because no frostIs colder than regretI’m that guyWho hates the newsBecause killing, destroying,****** and stealingIsn’t exactly new.And when time itselfTransfixes its body Away from our existence;That’s when I’ll slump overAnd shut my eyes, just becauseI’m that guy. -Juan Carlos Gomez   

Google describes it as
"A delightful and positive term often associated with unexpected discoveries and fortunate outcomes. "

And It's true
You are delightful
After all
My dearest serendipity

"Oh
But I lie!"
You say

"Oh,
but I steal!"
You try

But oh
Dearest serendipity
I love every "flaw"
I love you with every mistake you made
And will ever make
Because YOU made that mistake
It is YOURS
And it is therefore extraordinary

And you hate your body
But for me that just seems...
Strange, wrong
Because I love it
Even though I haven't really seen it that much YET
Or hugged it YET
But I do love it
Because it is YOURS
It takes care of YOU
It holds YOUR soul
And one day
Which I swear will come
When we're walking
And I lose you for a moment in a crowd
The sign of relief I'll make
Will be because I saw YOUR body
And it's beautiful
Because it's YOURS
And you are magic
Which means it is too
And one day
In my wholesome, not-stalkerish manner
I will hug it in all its glory
In it's perfection
Because I wouldn't have it any other wayi

And yes yes
You came with some unexpected discoveries too
For one thing
I now know what things like
"Canning" are
And now, because of you, I also know of the little spiky things that stick to you in small America
I also know they ****

But it's not just that
You made me discover how different two people can be
While still simultaneously
Being the same
While simultaneously being
Dare I say,
Two of a kind?

Yes, I do dare
Because you convinced me to
You convince me to try
To keep the razor down
And you say you believe in me
And every time you do
The words going through my mind are
"Serendipity
Serendipity
Serendipity"

And don't even get me started on "fortunate outcomes"
Because every outcome
That includes my dearest serendipity
Is fortunate
Even the ones that don't work out
Because you're there

You've never failed me
For as long as I've known of your existence
You say you do, a lot
But never have you
Even once

Because just knowing
That you're out there
And that you see the same moon
Sky
Sun
Is enough
My dearest, dearest, serendipity

I didn't know I needed you
No one did
They just gave me yet another therapist
Another kind of pill
Each bigger than the last
But I just needed them to prescribe you
But they couldn't because
As serendipity does
You seemed to just appear
And change my life for the better
Completely and utterly

Who would've known
That some country girl
26 days away
A writer
THE queen of sas
The beauty
nThe mater deep thinking and eye rolling
Would save my life
I didn't, certainly
But the universe did, I suppose
And it gave me a present a month ago
It arrived with a caution sticker on it saying
"Magical, perfect, sasy"
And I thought it would just be one of those random packages
But little did I know
She would save myself
Be my reason to breathe

A month ago
Little did I know
I was just provided
With serendipity

The best gift on earth you are
And I'm so grateful
My dearest,
Dearest,
Serendipity