"wallowed" poems
i spent my life trying to please
someone with a twisted disease
i broke myself down
and tucked my feelings away
to become the person
they wanted me to be
i let myself be watched
through the glass of a two sided mirror
of a sociopath
i wallowed my spirit away
and begged for acceptance
but there’s nothing in the world
that i could do
to let the narcissist know
that i am human too
Apr 1, 2019
Apr 1, 2019 at 3:43 AM UTC
i.
Beset next to me
Coadjuvant to mine need's;
I couldst not asketh for more
Mine Reyna's all do I believeth.
ii.
She compasses me in Dwarf Daylilies
Her suntanned dermis is momentous;
Wallowed in her oversea's memories
A throne surpassing, Hari and Reyna scented.
iii.
In Luzon, the older part of the firma
Betwixt the Cordillera Region, see through pneuma's;
Hand-poke tool's, for me and mine dynasty amour'
To get tattoos, of her ancestry upon her own shore's.
iv.
Covered head to toe
By these inked protection's;
Spelling out the word's
Brandon and Jane's resurrection.
©Brandon nagley
©Earl Jane dedication/Reyna of mine soul
©Lonesome poet's poetry
Aug 13, 2015
Aug 13, 2015 at 1:28 PM UTC
for those who are concerned; I dispersed within the vastness of outer space.
My body, once caged all the stars, are finally in its resting place.
Maybe here, I am finally seen by those who romanticize the deathly night.
I am at a tranquil state, where all the planets are aligned just right.
No deaths, no violence, no wars, no fights.
No existential pain or crisis to plague a human's state of mind.
I am bound within the molecules of space and time, dancing on asteroids, I am entwined.
Finally, my body is free from the darkest of pains that had wallowed in my rib cage.
All the bottled emotions that had forever kept me enraged.
I have exploded into a beautiful mess, now the size of silica.
I am in motion, twinkling for those bellow in such a sorrowful world, as they paint me in Starry Night replicas.
They'll be envious to hear that I am conversing with Van Gogh himself.
We are in the cloudless night, a painting in a museum, and history within books on a bookshelf.
We're sprinkled in the dark like a beautiful combustion.
All the answers written in the stars for what we once questioned.
He tells me "be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high."
And that was enough for me to just get by.
I am a galaxy, freed in the vastness of the universe.
Into this new life of neighboring planets and meteors, my body will immerse.
I am the stars you see on your lonely nights.
And this time, please take your time to analyze my light.
I know I'm a mess, but I can make it beautiful.
For what it's worth, I once took the form of a dying artist, whom was so mutable.
Jul 27, 2017
Jul 27, 2017 at 7:55 PM UTC
As the rain pelts my skin
I try to forget about the things you did
As your foreign hands invaded my body
I regret ever going to that party
My friends said that it would be fun
That I had nothing to lose
But everything changed
When I met you
Your eyes glowed so self-assured
Smile perfectly polished
Your intentions at heart seemed pure
But you were there to demolish
How many girls before me
have fallen into this trap?
Or is it me who will be
Alone on this path
Maybe someday you’ll have a daughter of your own
And get the call saying, “Daddy I can’t come home”
Because she is mortified by a choice she didn’t make
But was never educated to know it was called ****
For months I felt broken and battered
I wallowed in self-pity
Thinking I was tattered
When I finally realized
Opening my own eyes
I won’t let what you did
Ruin my dreams so big
I will stand on my own
And finally return home
Because what happened wasn’t my fault
But you have to live everyday knowing that you committed
****** Assault.
-md
Aug 26, 2018
Aug 26, 2018 at 3:39 PM UTC
And now...
I have come to realize how truly strong a person you are. Stronger than anyone I have ever met. To keep a secret like that, and never tell without crumbling.
And now...
I have come to realize what a selfish, self-centered ***** I really am to be so caught up in my own dumb mind with my own worthless problems that are NOTHING compared to what you withheld. I won't dwell too long on what an awful unsupportive friend and person I have been because that would once again be drawing attention back to me the selfish way I have been doing, but I feel like I have to say it at least once: I am so. so. incredibly. sorry. I never noticed or asked how you were or saw that something was wrong. I'm so so sorry I wallowed in that pathetic self-pity for so long just over my stupid issues that are so miniscule compared to yours, I basically want to whack myself in the head with my guitar I'm so ****** at myself. I am SO SORRY I wasn't there and I'm SO SO SO SORRY I surrounded you with my own dumb unnecessary negativity when you had enough of your own. I'm so sorry. I cried for nearly an hour last night out of anger with myself for not being a good friend and out of sorrow for your troubles and the pain you must be going through. You can almost always tell when I am upset somehow but that is like your odd supernatural inexplicable talent and I don’t have it. I wish I did, but I can tell when someone likes another person somehow almost always accurately but what use is that? I’m just so sorry from the bottom of my heart and I promise that beginning NOW and today I swear I am going to be here for you. I am so sorry for not being there. Okay, I’m going to stop going on about it now.
And now…
I can see everything I didn’t pick up on when I needed to so clearly.
And now…
I just want you to be okay. I JUST want you not to be in pain. I don’t know how to fix you but I’ll do anything I can to try.
And now…
I want you to know how brave you are, to go at it alone.
And now…
I want you to know, two years ago, we agreed “No Secrets”. Well, since then we have kept multiple secrets from one another. All of us. Since then that agreement has become less and less realistic. There will always be secrets and that is just a part of life. I understand why you didn’t tell me sooner and I just want you to know that I am always prepared to drop literally everything of mine, physical, mental, and emotional to listen to you and care more about your problems than mine because yours are always and have always been far greater than any of my pitiful woes. I will always understand why you keep things from me, but when you choose to share it, in your own time, then I will always be there to listen and understand.
And now…
I will never abandon you in this.
-Love Ember
Nov 29, 2014
Nov 29, 2014 at 11:02 AM UTC
It was a Masquerade, she said: a place we could go to hide. I wasn't in fright of her. I had it all under control. She took me by the hand, softly, that cold summer morning. The confusion that surrounded us allowed us to see more clearly. We were both wearing horse masks, and she whinnied at me so eagerly. The apple tasted bitter, but when I licked her lips, I felt the sugary sweetness of saliva mixed with cake crumbs and wine. We flirted. We sang together. I saw her naked, twice. When she took off her clothes and threw her tights around my head, I couldn't see the flesh she flaunted to the rest of the room. She licked my chin, all the way up to the tip of my mask, lifting it from my skull with her tongue. When her song was sung, I wallowed in pity and doubt. Her father chased me from the balcony. I climbed faster than he and escaped with my life, barely. The walk through the mangrove was dusty, and spiders kept climbing down my back, spinning their threads along my spine. I contemplated my mirage in the rippling waters before taking the final steps into my doorway. Looking up, greeted by elephants, tigers, peacocks and pigs. They strangled me with their elixirs, and we danced with the moon until our legs abandoned us.
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 11:38 PM UTC
Shimmering sudden sanctioning
Surfaces right in front of me
Twisting tomorrow’s tongue-tied testimony
Leaving my heart soaked in surrender
Colossal comb tethering in the hair of my offender
I wallowed in things to come while my whole life was spinning undone
Soothe thyself day to day so I won’t fade away
Internal clock knocks on my heartthrob
I am slipping into each moment
Oh I won’t hold it
I let go and slowly slip, swallowing every drip
This is just the tip of all there is
Reawaken each moment in this
Love lapses through me and I collapse into infinity
Struck by my own understanding
Preparing for divinity’s landing
I fall for it again and again
My dreams melting madness motion me onward
Tangible tussles through thick throats turning toward tomorrow
Sorrow leaks and seeps into the eyes of the blind
While they wait in their own mind
Suckling savage frolics as mankind slips into grayness
And blue lips use so much to say so little
Breaking our fiddle over our knees
Longing for hope hitched pleads
As our craze bleeds onto eternity, spun up into me
Creeping carefully so as not to spill this drill yet again
Letting it crack through the incomplete
Flushes back into the see
Finally, once again we arrive and float away with the breeze
Nov 5, 2012
Nov 5, 2012 at 2:10 PM UTC
She never noticed
books of poetry.
Her life was busy
with empathy
for those troubled
from pains scratched
on psyches from
neglect, abuse
or sacraments to fallen Gods.
She seldom heard music
except when,
heartsick from lost love,
she wallowed in vain misery
or during her youth when
hit parades blasted from
solid state radios
in dashboards, or from
jukeboxes flashing
come hither.
She thought little of flowers
nor paused to note scents,
shades or grace on
stems of green. Her head
was busy with
important matters,
day-to-day grinding
away on work or play.
Now alone,
she absorbs whiteness from
clouds, motion from birds,
or fragrance from flowers
with senses dulled by
age, injury or illness.
She sifts through her
day looking for
fresh tranquility.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 3:30 PM UTC
Hollering wind noises agitated
the motherless womb.
Clouds casted imprecations
within a roofless tomb.
One witness wallowed about
Traced her fingertips along the edges
of ivory-laden walls
Unwilling to let her out.
A veteran seeking refuge
A sheep escaping slaughter
A witness shielding her eyes
Only one will escape.
Jun 17, 2013
Jun 17, 2013 at 2:10 PM UTC
Blood-stained sheets of paper littered the floor, like
the mind of a depressed author. And you picked one up, looked
me in the eyes and said this is a dead man's idea of good-bye,
where you got them, I didn't know, but I listened
to the way your voice softened as you read and sang and
wallowed. I'm sorry it had to come to this you read, I just
don't think I belong here anymore. There's this empty
hole in my chest where I loved you once before. And baby,
don't cry, you did everything you could, but sometimes
everything just isn't enough. You never said who the author was
and I think that meant a lot. I remember the night you serenaded
me with lines from suicide notes, and I remember how it was not until
the end that I realized it had been yours.
Mar 29, 2014
Mar 29, 2014 at 4:38 PM UTC
‘Your voice,
I feel sedated whenever I hear
its dark caress
Yet it invigorates me enough
for it to be my work song
You took me from Eden
to the church that is
you
I entered its ancient confines-
to meet another you,
someone new
and Wilson you said:
*“Be my Jackie,
let’s steal a child from creation
for I don’t want to be alone
like real people do
who run into the woods somewhere ne'er to return to humanity"*
I wallowed in the heat of your
Auburn cathedral
and got seared by the heat of your *****
and I hear your voice
as sweet
as cherry wine
And as I hear the trickling of fire
I realized that it is the arsonist’s lullaby.‘
Dec 3, 2015
Dec 3, 2015 at 2:04 AM UTC
Wilt thou forgive that sin where I begun,
Which is my sin, though it were done before?
Wilt thou forgive that sin through which I run,
And do run still, though still I do deplore?
When thou hast done, thou hast not done,
For I have more.
Wilt thou forgive that sin by which I have won
Others to sin? and made my sin their door?
Wilt thou forgive that sin which I did shun
A year or two, but wallowed in a score?
When thou hast done, thou hast not done,
For I have more.
I have a sin of fear, that when I have spun
My last thread, I shall perish on the shore;
Swear by thyself, that at my death thy Son
Shall shine as he shines now and heretofore;
And, having done that, thou hast done,
I fear no more.
2.3k
One day I wandered into the night
With no clue of where I was going
Gone was the light
Gone was the pain and whatever else I felt
In other words I was numb
Any sound around me became a hum
I cried and I wallowed in my own self pity
My dramatic performance was the best in the city
People all around me clapped and screamed
It was really and most truly something to see
I ceased my actions after somebody said
No one likes a woman who is already dead.
|s.s|
Mar 7, 2015
Mar 7, 2015 at 9:45 AM UTC
Sweet or sour,
She's a bit of both.
Her sweetness drains by the hour,
Her heart drowned in loathe.
She has a comforting smile,
Hazel eyes that sparkle with life.
Her features change after a while,
Expressions showing she is bathing in constant strife.
She bursts into a river of tears,
Regret clawing its humble way in.
She has nothing to ease her fear,
And "it" begins to win.
She wallowed in sorrow,
"It" weighing her down like a massive boulder.
As she prayed to not wake tomorrow,
"They" tapped upon her shoulder.
Her dull hazels met with theirs,
As "they" gave her the brighest smile.
The stranger's intentions were unclear,
And she knew "they" weren't vile.
Time flickered on by,
Seasons slipped by fast.
Her hopes were high,
And "they" asked her at last.
She was happy now,
And would be eternally.
Apr 29, 2015
Apr 29, 2015 at 6:30 PM UTC
Let us go
under the flickering lights
of this deserted highway
your face, reflection of the moonlight
I gasped, for air
Uncanny churned of loss words
My tips are craving for your lips
Move in, you waist around my fist
Your spine caved in to my touch
I feel your hair wallowed
And we relented.
Nov 15, 2013
Nov 15, 2013 at 1:20 AM UTC
I’ve lost more than I’d wish
to lose
and learned more than
I’d like to.
This is what happens
when kids
grow up.
I am a product
of a broken boy
becoming a
measly man
in a
wallowed world
that has no room for
generosity.
The world will not end
with a spark
to the neck or a
chill
on the spine.
The world will not
die silently into
a night that
no good man
can bare.
The world will end
when the
human race
allows greed
to conquer
grace.
And my friends,
we are
well on our
way.
Aug 29, 2016
Aug 29, 2016 at 1:37 PM UTC
Come to think of it, Garrison Keillor reads poetry like he'd feign be Bukowski or something.
(sonnets #MMMMMCCCXXXII and MMMMMCCCXXXIII)
I
Bukowski. If I'd known--and there must trail
Off seeking an excuse to bother hence
With aught. Nor should I have writ these his sense
Of our supposed age could acknowledge bail
For, since his voice kills any spirit's frail
Hope of existance, while he coughs from thence
To fiercely say the madness dictates whence
As chopped, clipped phrases whereby he'd prevail.
And Shelley, who saw further than now's poor
Horizon, said art veils her glass whilst through
The centries curs as ole Bukowski tour--
To vanish, sans a note. Yet here all who
Aspire think vile is tops, our work as twere
In vain and refuse. Cuz such never knew.
II
Lo, ****** Surrey, Wyatt, and aught hence
Who bowed themselves to Petrarch's mincing scale,
Yes, "polished our erst homely," ruder tale
Of lines and poetry, whose manners thence
Became refined thus as we yielded, whence
Far more rebelled than dared submit, t'assail
What set us 'part from beasts as if in frail
Excuse to cavil suited their intents.
He said the "mountaintop" was mine as twere
T'enjoy, but if I wanted friends maunt do,
As they all wallowed in the mud, each boor
Disgusted save by filthy scents. Sans clue
Of our high calling meant to raise th'obscure
Light for our fellow man, ye can't, who knew.
24Dec15c,d
Aug 17, 2016
Aug 17, 2016 at 9:18 PM UTC
My father was born in an outport community of 2000
On the Avalon peninsula of Newfoundland
Around 1950, to a school headmaster and a homemaker
Attended Memorial University of Newfoundland (as did I)
Studied English, and eventually Education
He was a brilliant man, often quiet for long periods of time,
Then viscerally eloquent like Occam's Razor when he spoke
Remember him telling me how "taking their maidenheads"
From Romeo and Juliet act one, was about taking virginity
Always had an answer for my million questions
Rarely lost his temper
Taught me to accept others as they were, and to resist the temptation
To judge
A spiritual man, not religious, always taking care to differentiate the two
Without him I would never have access
To the home library in our den, my muse
Or all the gruesome movies he shouldn't have let me watch
Without my father I wouldn't know that
I like Jack Daniel's on the rocks with afternoon paper or
A Farewell to Arms with Spanish Rioja from earthenware cups,
Like Hemingway drank during the Spanish Civil War
I would not have wallowed with the downtrodden and the vilified
I would not have seen the base human weakness
The fundamental vulnerability that dwells within all of us
Had I not seen it in him first
Some four years ago, my father experienced weakness on one side
While on vacation in Europe
Flew back to Canada, diagnosed quickly with brain cancer
By the time I spoke to him, his mind was already rapidly fading
The spark of brilliance snuffed out like so much wick and wax
Died 6 months later in his sleep
We spread his ashes on his father's grave
And in the Bay St. George
Taught me what and how to believe,
Who to be
For better or for worse
Taught me how to ask the right questions
Showed me the books to read
Let me know it was OK
To be me
Nov 29, 2015
Nov 29, 2015 at 9:56 PM UTC
Ms. Cho is so, so sorry
for the unintended worry
and the dreadful social uproar
she created
when she rated
her airline’s services as poor.
But any self-respecting South Korean
would understand the shame
when the macadamias came
not in a china dish
for this salty snack delish
was placed calmly on her tray
the cabin crew would say
resplendent in their jackets
“The nuts are served in packets
vacuum-sealed to keep them fresh.”
Hyun-ah proud and haughty
wagged her fingers, called them naughty
and summoned forth the Chief of all the crew
demanding that he tell her if he knew
if the in-flight rules were being followed
or was it in anarchy they wallowed.
He stumbled and he stuttered
swallowed, then muttered
he’d never thought this matter
was the least bit earth shattering.
“Nuts in a bag, are you insane?
You must be taken off this plane”
True to her word the flight turned round.
Until they landed not a sound
was heard within the cabin of that plane.
He was dropped back at JFK
and after some delay
they made their way again heading east.
But arriving eleven minutes late
Ms Cho had definitely sealed her fate
Notwithstanding Daddy’s power
as the airlines CEO
relations turned quite sour
his daughter forced to go
She lost each and every perk
that accompanied her work
her executive pay
all lost – such is the way.
So, finally in sum
Beware of a Cho tantrum
when you see that charming face
remember she’s a nut case
who in shrill and angry voice
made a devastating choice.
Never change an airline schedule
Never let your plane be late
Never waste expensive jet fuel
Or suffer Ms. Cho’s fate
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 7:53 AM UTC
figures in the tree line
make me shiver
eyes from the treetops,
faces in the river
silhouettes of men
wallowed in the shallows
leading me to the gallows
whispers from the shadows
Apr 12, 2022
Apr 12, 2022 at 6:26 AM UTC
Drop the R
Reduce rotation
Ravage rampant, roaring nation
Render, rant and recollect
Rediscover, reconnect
Relish rage, rebuke religion
Go outside and kiss a pigeon
Crave, caress, address, remember
Tease the thrill with tender temper
Truth be told, free faith be followed
Warmish waffles weanly wallowed.
Broke my tongue just reading this
Frankly, go outside and kiss.
October 2013
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 7:52 PM UTC
Wallowed in gray
Discovered by gloom
Resurrected
Drowned by monsoon
May 27, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 1:34 AM UTC
For so long I watched people fall into darkness.
Like the stars that shone so bright in my life.
Put out by others darkness the beauty removed, the light extinguished.
I was one of those stars, gone.
I couldn't shine as so many dark clouds hung over me.
We are all the same.
All we are is the dust from stars, nothing more... or are we.
I wallowed in darkness of depression like a weather front obscured me.
Dark clouds others left.
But sometimes I would see a star shine in the night sky I just had to wait for the clouds to clear.
I would hang onto its light like my very life depended upon it.
The wind simply blew them...away.
That was it!!
They hadn't stopped shining, nor had I.
We just couldn't be seen for all the dark clouds in life.
It was like a eureka moment.
What if each day I did one act to clear someones clouds.
Try and blow them away a little bit.
Do that and someone sees them shine.
Ask nothing in return save this..
When you can however small, blow someone elses clouds away if you can.
So I began.
Sometimes it was something big to move a cloud.
More often just something they couldn't do themselves but massive to them.
I mean we are just the stuff of stardust, just energy so why not use it?
Could it be that simple?
One cloud at a time pushing them out of the way.
Little clouds mostly and occassional big cloud and the odd storm.
But.. it worked.
Putting the stars back in the sky one deed at a time.
Here's the point.
My life is full of stars again.
People who shine because helping them clear their clouds gave me back that.
Try it
Just one little thing to remember..
If you help one star shine
you brighten your own sky..
Their clouds may be your clouds too!
You may not get it right every time.
One day at a time
One cloud at a time
But try x
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 8:54 PM UTC
Washed up on the sandy beach
amidst the summer rain,
The mighty king of the Pacific
lay in persecuting pain.
The creature wailed with ***** prowess,
but his health was soon to wane,
And by the morning that came after,
sovereign was reduced to stain.
Vultures from the distance
ripped apart his tender flesh
With spit to sear his wounded majesty
and claws to tear and thresh.
The wicked gang of savage butchers
in a loathsome, boorish mesh
Would make a swollen, seething carcass
of our one-time Venkatesh.
Three days after passing,
fallen Caesar, set to rise,
Was then revoked his Heaven’s passage,
and left wallowed in demise:
A body plagued by every virus;
swarmed by avaricious flies,
Stranded, rotting, in the Earth realm,
‘stead of claiming his due prize.
Hurricanes, October,
brought the wrath of Davy Jones
To wreak an evil-minded havoc
and to thrive on victim moans,
And dash the Herculean skeleton
upon the crags and stones
To rain on thousands with the splinters
of his elephantine bones.
Jan 22, 2014
Jan 22, 2014 at 8:02 PM UTC