Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Matt Feb 2015
Form is emptiness
Emptiness is form

1. Sunyata (Emptiness) is the profound meaning of the Mahayana Teaching.

Two thousand five hundred years ago, the Buddha was able to realise "emptiness" (s. sunyata). By doing so he freed himself from unsatisfactoriness (s. dukkha). From the standpoint of enlightenment, sunyata is the reality of all worldly existences (s. dharma). It is the realisation of Bodhi — Prajna. From the standpoint of liberation, sunyata is the skilful means that disentangle oneself from defilement and unsatisfactoriness. The realisation of sunyata leads one to no attachment and clinging. It is the skilful means towards enlightenment and also the fruit of enlightenment.

There are two ways for us to understand this concept of sunyata in the Mahayana context. One way is to try to understand the explanation about its true nature. The other way is the realisation through practice. What we are going to discuss now is about its true nature.

Mahayana teachings have always considered that the understanding of sunyata is an attainment which is extremely difficult and extraordinarily profound.

For example, in the Prajna Sutra it says "That which is profound, has sunyata and non-attachment as its significance. No form nor deeds, no rising nor falling, are its implications."

Again in the Dvadasanikaya Sastra (composed by Nagarjuna, translated to Chinese by Kumarajiva A.D. 408) it says: "The greatest wisdom is the so-called sunyata."

This sunyata, no creation, calmness and extinction (s. nirvana) is of a profound significance in the Mahayana teachings. Why do we see it as the most profound teaching? This is because there is no worldly knowledge, be it general studies, science or philosophy, that can lead to the attainment of the state of sunyata. The only path to its realisation is via the supreme wisdom of an impassionate and discriminating mind. It is beyond the common worldly understanding.

2. The Significance of Sunyata and Cessation

The Buddha always used the terms void, no rising and falling, calmness and extinction to explain the profound meaning of sunyata and cessation. The teachings of the Buddha that were described in words are generally common to worldly understandings. If one interprets the teachings superficially from the words and languages used, one will only gain worldly knowledge and not the deeper implication of the teachings. The teachings of the Buddha have their supra-mundane contexts that are beyond the worldly knowledge.

For example, sunyata and the state of nirvana where there is no rising nor falling, are interpreted by most people as a state of non-existence and gloom. They fail to realise that quite the opposite, sunyata is of substantial and positive significance.

The sutras often use the word "great void" to explain the significance of sunyata. In general, we understand the "great void" as something that contains absolutely nothing. However, from a Buddhist perspective, the nature of the "great void" implies something which does not obstruct other things, in which all matters perform their own functions. Materials are form, which by their nature, imply obstruction. The special characteristic of the "great void" is non-obstruction. The "great void" therefore, does not serve as an obstacle to them. Since the "great void" exhibits no obstructive tendencies, it serves as the foundation for matter to function. In other words, if there was no "great void" nor characteristic of non-obstruction, it would be impossible for the material world to exist and function.

The "great void" is not separated from the material world. The latter depends on the former. We can state that the profound significance of sunyata and the nature of sunyata in Buddhism highlights the "great void’s" non-obstructive nature.

Sunyata does not imply the "great void". Instead, it is the foundation of all phenomena (form and mind). It is the true nature of all phenomena, and it is the basic principle of all existence. In other words, if the universe’s existence was not empty nor impermanent, then all resulting phenomena could not have arisen due to the co-existence of various causes and there would be no rising nor falling. The nature of sunyata is of positive significance!

Calmness and extinction are the opposite of rising and falling. They are another way to express that there is no rising and falling. Rising and falling are the common characteristics of worldly existence. All phenomena are always in the cycle of rising and falling. However, most people concentrate on living (rising). They think that the universe and life are the reality of a continuous existence.

Buddhism on the other hand, promotes the value of a continuous cessation (falling). This cessation does not imply that it ceases to exist altogether. Instead, it is just a state in the continuous process of phenomena. In this material world, or what we may call this "state of existence", everything eventually ceases to exist. Cessation is definitely the home of all existences. Since cessation is the calm state of existence and the eventual refuge of all phenomena, it is also the foundation for all activities and functions.

The Amitabha Buddha who was, and is, revered and praised by Buddhists around the world, radiates indefinite light and life from this "state of cessation". This state is a continuous process of calmness. It will be the eventual refuge for us all. If we think carefully about the definitions of calmness and extinction, then we can deduce that they are the true natural end-points of rising and falling. The true nature of the cycle of rising and falling is calmness and extinction. Because of this nature, all chaos and conflicts in the state of rising and falling will eventually cease. This is attainable by the realisation of prajna.

3. Contemplating the Implications of Sunyata and Stillness (Nirvana) by Observing Worldly Phenomena

All existences exhibit void-nature and nirvana-nature. These natures are the reality of all existence. To realise the truth, we have to contemplate and observe our worldly existence. We cannot realise the former without observing the latter. Consider this Heart Sutra extract, "Only when Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva practised the deep course of wisdom of Prajna Paramita did he come to realise that the five skandhas (aggregates, and material and mental objects) were void."

Profound wisdom leads us to the realisation that all existences are of void-nature. The sutras demonstrate that the profound principle can be understood by contemplating and observing the five skandhas. We cannot realise the truth by seeking something beyond the material and mental world. The Buddha, using his perfect wisdom, observed worldly existence from various implications and aspects, and came to understand all existences.

In summary, there are three paths to this observation:

a) We should observe the preceding state and the current state of conditions. i.e., Observation according to the concept of time.

b) We should observe existences according to their interrelationships. i.e., Observation via the concept of space (either two or three-dimensions).

c) We should observe the true nature of all myriad beings. This is like observing the worldly existences of a point, a line and an area. Those with supreme wisdom understand the true nature of all worldly existences by observing vertically the relationships between the preceding and current conditions, and horizontally the interrelationships. Then we can understand the true meaning of void-nature and nirvana-nature.

3.1 By observing the preceding-stage and the current-stage conditions, we can verify the Law of Impermanence of all worldly existences. All existences, be they material or mental, be they the material world, or the physical or mental states of sentient beings, are subject to continuous change.

The world may have certain states of beings where they stay static or are in equilibrium on a temporary basis (for example hibernation). But when we observe them with supreme wisdom, we will find that not only do they keep changing on a yearly basis, but also that this change applies to even every briefest moment. After the current state of conditions have ceased to exist, the newly-formed state materialises. This is the state of rising and falling. The rising and falling of each small moment reveals that all existences are ever-moving and ever-changing.

Conventional scholars have a very good explanation of these ever-changing worldly conditions. However they, including the practitioners of dharma, try to make sense of the reality from the ever-changing worldly existences. That is, they are fooled by the material existences and are not able to understand the deeper truth of all existences.

Only those with the supreme wisdom of the Buddha and Mahabodhisattvas realise and understand that all existences are illusions. They understand that existences are not real from the observation of the flow of changing existences. The numerous illusionary existences may well be diverse and confusing, arising and decaying. But when we look into their true nature, we will find them void and of nirvana-nature.

On the other hand, since all existences are of nirvana-nature, they appear from the perspective of time, to be ever-changing. They never stay the same even for the briefest moment. Impermanence implies existences do not have a permanent entity. This is another implication of the nature of sunyata and stillness.

3.2 From observations of existence via inter-relationships, we can conclude that nothing is independent of the Law of Causation, and that everything is without ego. For example, the Buddha explains that the individual sentient being is composed of physical, physiological and psychological phenomena. The so called ego is a deluded illusion which does not exist in reality. Its existence depends on the combination of both physical and mental factors. It is a union of organic phenomena. Thus we call it the empirical ego. It is a mistake to cling to it as an infatuated ego.

The Indian concept of the supreme spirit implies someone who rules. The spirit is the ruler who is independent of is self-dependent and all causes. In other words, the spirit is the one who is free from all primary and secondary causes (for physical and mental aspects). The spirit is the one who has the soul of his own body and mind. This is the ego or supreme spirit that the theologists cling to. From their view point, the only way to avoid physical and mental decay is to be self-determined and self-sovereign. In this way, the supreme being can stay permanent in the cycle of reincarnation, and return to the absolute reality by liberating himself from life and death.

But from the profound contemplation and wisdom of the Buddha and Mahabodhisattvas, we know there is no such reality. Instead, egolessness (non-self) is the only path to understand the reality of the deluded life. All existences are subject to the Law of Causes and Conditions. These include the smallest particles, the relationship between the particles, the planets, and the relationship between them, up to and including the whole universe! From the smallest particles to the biggest matter, there exists no absolute independent identity.

Egolessness (non-self) implies the void characteristics of all existence. Egolessness (non-self) signifies the non-existence of permanent identity for self and existence (Dharma). Sunyata stresses the voidness characteristic of self and existence (Dharma). Sunyata and egolessness possess similar attributes. As we have discussed before, we can observe the profound significance of sunyata from the perspective of inter-dependent relationships. Considering dharma-nature and the condition of nirvana, all existences are immaterial and of a void-nature. Then we see each existence as independent of each other. But then we cannot find any material that does exist independent of everything else. So egolessness also implies void-nature!

3.3 From the observation of all existences, we can infer the theory of nirvana and the complete cessation of all phenomena. From the viewpoint of phenomena, all existences are so different from each other, that they may contradict each other. They are so chaotic. In reality, their existence is illusionary and arises from conditional causation. They seem to exist on one hand, and yet do not exist on the other. They seem to be united, but yet they are so different to one another. They seem to exist and yet they do cease! Ultimately everything will return to harmony and complete calmness. This is the nature of all existence. It is the final resting place for all. If we can understand this reality and remove our illusions, we can find this state of harmony and complete calmness.

All our contradictions, impediments and confusion will be converted to equanimity. Free from illusion, complete calmness will be the result of attaining nirvana. The Buddha emphasised the significance of this attainment and encouraged the direct and profound contemplation on void-nature. He said, "Since there is no absolute self-nature thus every existence exhibits void-nature. Because it is void, there is no rising nor falling. Since there is no rising nor falling, thus everything was originally in complete calmness. Its self-nature is nirvana."

From the viewpoint of time and space, we can surmise that all existences are impermanent, all existences have no permanent self, and nirvana is the result of the cessation of all existences - the Three Universal Characteristics. But there are not three different truths. Instead, they are the characteristics of the only absolute truth and the ultimate reality. This is the explanation of Dharma-nature and the condition of nirvana. The three characteristics are the one characteristic, and vice versa!

We may cultivate our meditation, contemplating the impersonality of all existences. This will lead us to enlightenment via the path of voidness. Contemplating nirvana and complete calmness leads to enlightenment by the path of immaterial form. Contemplating the impermanence of all existences, leads us to enlightenment by the path of inactivity (no desire).

The Three Universal Characteristics are the other implications of Dharma-nature and nirvana. The paths to enlightenment are also the same cause of absolute reality. All of them return to the Dharma-nature and the condition of nirvana. In short, the teachings of the Buddha start from the observation and contemplation of all worldly phenomena. They are like thousands of streams of water competing with each other, and flowing from the top of the mountains to the bottom. Eventually, all of them return to the ocean of voidness and nirvana.

4. Sunyata and Cessation is the Truth (Nature) of All Existences.

All existences that are recognised by worldly understanding, whether materially, spiritually or intellectually, have always been misunderstood by us. We cling to them as real, physically existing and permanent. Actually, they are only unreal names.

The more precise meaning of the term "unreal name" is "assumption" or "hypothesis". It is an empirical name. It is formed by the combination of various causes and effects. (These include the effects of mental consciousness.) It does not exist by itself. Everything exists relatively. Thus, what is the ultimate truth? If we investigate existence further, we realise that all existences are empty. This is the fundamental characteristic and reality of all existence. It is ultimate and absolute. But we should not think that empty means nothing. It implies the disentanglement from the worldly misunderstanding of the existence of self, identity, and the realisation of the absolute.

In the Sutras and Abhidharma, the worldly understandings are sometimes referred to as all phenomena (Dharma). Sunyata is referred to as "Dharma-nature", and hence there is a distinction between "phenomena" and "Dhamma-nature". However, this is only an expedient explanation that helps us to realise the truth of sunyata through the phenomena of all existences.

We should not think that "existence" and "nature"; or the "phenomena of Dharma" and "Dharma-nature" are something contradictory. They are just concepts needed to understand the implication of sunyata.

We may analyse the exp
Molly Jul 2017
I fill the void with hunger,
I fill the void with getting lost with people by my side who’s faces i recognize
but who’s souls i do not know.

i fill the void with you.
i fill the void with you because even though i know that we do not fit together like the perfect puzzle pieces that i wish we could be
at least
i’m not

i fill the void with consumption
i fill the void with cigarettes
i fill the void with inhale after inhale
until my belly is full with the heaviest of thoughts
and my nightmares circle around and around my skull until they come to rest exactly where you always said that i had that golden crown,
the one that i could never see.

i fill the void with madness
i fill the void with pointless anger,
seeping from my throat and drowning my tongue
tasting bitter like a rotten lemon
but the bitterness is better than tasting nothing at all
and it sticks to my chapped lips like an old friend.

i fill the void with endless calculations
meticulously measuring my emptiness clinging onto my insides
with a measuring stick
and even though i measure with repetitive precision,
it never measures up to my own highest standards

and I fill the void by hurling insults at your face
and even after you’ve closed the door, like a poignant period finally occurring at the end of a infinite infinite run on sentence.
i continue to spit, spit fiery slurs that in reality fall more like water droplets that ultimately accumulate mid air
and last a little while,
but never outlast the darkness that is fiercely stuck to the soles of my shoes.

And I breathe it back in
and I breathe it back in
just to feel a little bit more full.

I fill the void with a look of contentment that i plaster on my face because
can feel when you are looking
i fill the void with confidence
i fill the void with courage
i fill the void by carrying fear across my chest and over my shoulder like i’m going into battle and never

i fill the void with the hope that i can hope hard enough to fill myself up again
but no matter how much i fill

i can feel my insides draining
faster than a bottomless kitchen sink.

and regardless of how hard i clasp my hands against the gaping hole where i used to gently hold a relentless summer,

i can feel that the coldest winter has begun to replace it.
and i can almost still feel its warmth
just like I used to when i used to..
when you used to say you could feel it too.

my frigid fingers lock around my neck as i finally release that empty feeling that buries my deepest desires

and i feel my wild beating beating heart finally submitting to resolve.

and i realize
that i can never be full.
I realize
that I will never be full.

And so i float away
like an abandoned ballon

just like my mother said the others did
and when i join them there
they remind me that at least i’m not alone.
and they tell me that perhaps in the end
the point
was not to be full anyway.
Casey Jan 2019
One day,
I swallowed up the void.

Not too much at first, I didn't want to be greedy.
But enough that it grew into my hair,
turning it black.

I swallowed up the void again.
It settled heavy in my gut.

It was sweet at first, then gave way to an unsettling metallic aftertaste.
Still, it was addicting, intoxicating.
I needed more.

I swallowed up the void again,
hungry for empty.

The void is not black,
like so many others say.
No, the void is, in fact, a kaleidoscope of brilliant color

I swallowed up the void again.
There seemed to be an endless amount.

My eyes showed me what I had previously been blind to.
I could see the void others swallowed up.
His denim jacket wasn't for fashion some days.

I swallowed up the void again.
This time, it caught in my throat.

I gagged and my body convulsed,
an unsuccessful attempt to rid of the poison.
The void coated my lungs, stealing my breath, my life.

I thought I swallowed up the void,
but the void had swallowed up me.
1/24/19 - 8:52 p.m.
I got hit by inspiration and came up with this.
kairos Oct 2015
dark void diffuse out of my soul,

dark void swallows me whole,
leaving, me

dark void consumes my mind,
heaving, up
dark thoughts

the darkness of the blue in our soceity
the grayness of our generation
the blackness of this world of what it is
the emptiness filling our minds

i void the thoughts
into the waste
i avoid the tears,
but they're bound to come
the void has been waiting
the insidious void
the void inside the insidious
thoughts of the void.

the lyrics thrum in my mind
and i connect the dots
from one reality to the other.
it makes a shape and i draw it out,

tearing at the dark thoughts.
and i


Kimberly Rae Jan 2010
I said today I feel like a shadow of myself… dark and empty.
Just an outline of the person I used to be.
Hiding from the sun’s embrace
Following behind…
Pressed against a wall…
My soul’s walking over me

A black void in place of my smile
A black void in place of my frown
A black void in place of my spirit
A black void… I have become

There are days that I cry
Without reason or provoke
I am so numb… I don't feel the pain
But every now and then
It sweeps over me, like a gust of wind
I have thoughts but the words don’t come.
They linger on the tip of my tongue…taunting me to speak.
But I’m much too tired to let them escape.

A black void in place of my thoughts
A black void in place of my feelings
A black void in place of my mind
A black void… I have become

Praying for someone to save me from my darkness…
Wanting for the sunlight to touch my cheek
Warming my soul… breaking this hold
Making me feel whole again
Staring at my reflection… knowing that my savior stands before me.
Only she can pull me out of this shadow back into the sun.
But is she too far gone?

A black void in place of my hopes
A black void in place of my dreams
A black void in place of my heart
A black void… I have become
Kamoo Jun 2014
There is a void in me that silently shouts hello at people who claim to be in my life
It screeches at those who have hurt me but they don’t really care
It surrenders to all that was promised to me but never delivered
It contemplates freedom or silence as it is indecisive about whether it should speak out or not
It is enslaved by anger and fed by pain
This void forces itself to sleep but anxiety wakes it up with vigour each and every single time
This void reaches out to my heart but that felon turned a blind eye
My brain trades places with my soul and orders my vessels to stop trying to be the good guys
They try to fight but my brain wreaks with anger and orders silence upon them
Blades of hurt beg for redemption but this void hears nothing
Drops of internal tears touch the void’s senses but it has grown too strong for anything to change it
It has taken control over everything and my brain being the sergeant leads this void
They march together to destroy all that is worth life within me
All that is beautiful turns into grey dry petals dried up by savage terrorists
These terrorists call themselves agony and torment
They terrorise my emotions and cast discomfort upon them
They try to escape through my skin pores but chains and shackles were whipped and girdled around them
They cried for help but this void silenced them with a lash of frustration
This void cut me deep and built its own palace in my soul and spirit
Everything else was executed and my body failed to adjust to the new system hence breathe became less and less
I found myself lying on a floor full of pictures
Pictures of my childhood and family
I gazed upon them and sorrowful tears ran down my cheeks
I am donned with a void that took my life from me
Bygone I am
Have you ever
Truly, contemplated
The Void?
Have you?

It's blackness
surrounds us
In all directions
Wrapped in its
Utter empty
Dark embrace

And we spiral down
within it
Like a lost soul
In a deep
Gravity well.

Around a yellow
Many-blessed star
Which itself
Circles the
Frigid centre
Of a Galaxy
A wide, Milky way
Saggittarian armed

Which itself
Is moving
Circling away
from a point
with its
Peers contained in
The Virgo cluster

Away, and away.
One day to unite
With Andromenda
2 million years
Of light away

In a collision
So vast,
the heavens will
And worlds
Will spin
Off their axis'

And yet, this
Is as nothing
When compared
To the void.
The nothingness
The totality
Alpha - Omega
It watches us
Our turn
To return

It watches all its
Galactic children
As they
Run away
Gravity wise
Forever, eternally
From the point
At which they

Heat, energy
Perfect symmetry
Broken and
In the Void

That point
Is where the Void began
It's career of
Darkness and
Its airless cold presence
Embraces all

And ever since
Nothingness has been
Light year upon
Light year

Yes, it is truth
Is the true nature
Of this Universe
God's creation
That we think
So mundane

The one we feel
Is packed with life,
Woods, hills, tree
Small towns
Pieces of paper

But we live in a special place
Places that are something
Are the exception
Not the rule
Which is no thing
We are so rare,
like a single teardrop
In a pacific ocean of

Beyond here
Up there
Down there
Across there
It seems filled to
Brim with stars
Twinkle with promise
But be warned

All the stars and
Galaxies (red and blue)
Would not fill
A millionth of a
Of the universal void.
It swallows them
All, entirely

Gently staring at us
From its dark
Black eye

Think on that
And then
Think again
And again
You cannot
Contain it
No thing

The stars
And all the planets
Nebuli and holes
black and dark
Are as nothing
Human beings
Taken whole

Compared to the real
Stuff of Universe
Which is void.

Think upon it
As much as you can
On a cloudness night
Stare into the sky
And realize
You are truly
looking into

A void so utterly empty
That all things
that are, or will be
Mean no thing
To it, its deep
black heart
And complete

If you do not
Swoon with fear
And tremble
With excitement
At the reality of
This fact
Of your
true existence

And of
Your private
To glimpse
At this no thing

From a tiny
rock-made ball
Of a home
Trapped in nothing
Then you have not
The reality of
The Void.........
Written on a dark night staring toward Orion, in a draft form
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
A light in the dark shadows burn with a spark that ignites to a bright shining flame. The dead lie in groves of lost winter souls that wander with visionless aim. A rising relief ensues in the reef of the green and colorless gold. A raven takes flight in the deep death of night to escape from the black hell of old.
These wandering, murmuring, children of god storm wrath from the heavens and **** what is good. Devour the light as they drain all the life from the world we once called our brood.
Take us away. Drain us, defame us.
A whisper in the void.
Take us away, lock us away, **** us.
A whisper in the void.
Psychonatural Antichrist, bleeding the truth from false prophets. Summoning hellfire, demonic intrigue, desecration and violence. Infernal release, a smiling god weeps and a glare of rage seeps from beneath.
In an eternal sea of stones will they forever reap.
Death will be paid to the ones he learns to hate.
Black velvet draped across the coffin of grace.
Take us away, far and away.
A whisper in the void.
Take us away to destroy and remake.
A whisper in the void.
A whisper in the void.
Enter the darkness. Into the abyss. Far away. Thermonuclear enslavior.
Stay awake. Remaining.
Give your soul to the unknown, bleed into the black night air. The savior will come soon, to take you to His room, and liberate you from despair.
Suffocate quickly, quietly. Swiftly, so no one may hear you, or catch you dying. Slip away faster and faster the tighter you squeeze the noose around your neck.
Give yourself away. Death is your escape. Death does not betray like life will.
Give yourself to they, the keepers of the fade with intent to save and desecrate. And as they say, they will be they, and they will **** and humiliate. Break you down, drag you around, deny, defy and utilize. Every last bit will wallow in **** from the hate you created and ate from.
Suffer in pain, annihilation.
A whisper in the void.
Burn alone, in isolation.
A whisper in the void.
A whisper in the void.
A whisper...
Stream of consciousness piece from two year ago. Have fun trying to figure it out, I know I do.
Apocrypha Apr 2019
April 17th

In the eternal cold, dark and void,
Where drifting clouds make up everything we know,
Where terrible storms are givers of life,
Where the strongest prevail over anything else,
There is a bright star.

A pulsar in the void
Shining bright, untamed, wild
In this chaos there is order
The order of that pulsar
Even though there’s hundreds of stars
Only few shine as bright

Not everyone can see this
Some people think all stars shine equally bright
Some misinterpret brightness
Some don’t want to see
But I do
I see the pulsar
Shining bright, untamed, wild
And I admit I’m lucky to see the stars
In the void and chaos
Sometimes I believe this happens because I’m a star too
I know that I can shine bright
Brighter than most of the clutter out there,
Or at least, I thought

From the tiny corner of the void I could see
I knew I was always the brightest
No one could challenge me
A king on a tiny hill
But that changed

My tiny corner of the void got a little bigger
And I saw something new
A pulsar in the void
Shines bright, strong
Few things look this bright
And it terrifies me

It terrifies me because now I’m but a dormant star
I always knew how bright I could shine
But never tried to shine that bright
Today I see a pulsar in the void
And realize that I’m not the brightest one anymore

I need to shine brighter now
But I don’t know if it’s too late
I’m but a dormant star
Shadow of a former glory
A small brown dwarf
Staring at a pulsar in the void
And the idea of not being able to shine as bright
Terrifies me.
Zowie Georgia Jan 2015
The Void is the pits
eating away at me as it pretends to not exist.
What a paradox I am;
to truly feel comfortable with The Void
I must unearth the sleeping unknown to allow all that she unearths
consume me.

Being alone can be the hardest teacher,
one I resist so much
all these distractions seem too good to pass,
too good to prevent me
from being alone with my aloneness.  
Because being alone is considered a problem,
one that is deflected from the root
that brings me back to the avoidance
and I cannot really escape The Void.

I want to feel happy when I'm alone.
Happy enough to then welcome another into my space,
truthful enough in myself
that my space is offered as an extension for you to connect
not as an introduction for me to project.

What am I afraid of?
Is it that I'm sacred that enough will never be enough?
That my deepest spaces will never be filled, enough.
Because I know in my wise moments
that external life shall never lie to my truth.
So how can I truly admire the landscapes of life
if my journey within stops at every black hole
I'm too scared to explore.

Earth is a void that contains both everything and nothing,
a paradox we must come to know
just as life weaves into death.
My heart is alive
but it's surrounded by a death
when it doesn't open
and in The Void I cannot deny
how much love I'm needing
to give myself
in order to rest easy in the unknown.
But these voids always seem so cut off from Love,
from myself,
as though I am separated from life
as it seems to breed from the lack of it,
breeding in darkness, in death,
maybe it's just my perception
of my inner scenery
yet to feel its existence.
Maybe it's fertile ground
appearing as ruins
and I'm yet to differentiate.

Sometimes I'm so disconnected
when I feel so connected.
I'm both serious and immature
as I look for exits,
as I look for entrances,
what am I looking for?
I forget,
as I try to remember
everything is overwhelming
in my head
when my hearts to buried to know.
My eyes look outward
with an external show.

Who am I if I've been here before
Where am I going if I've played this game before?
I try to remember,
but life made me forget,
is this life a repeat of the last
or am I an upgraded version
of my past.
Evolving so fast I couldn't grasp my motion,
was I a witch enduced with a magic potion!
What are the fundamentals
as I wake from my sleep
who am I yesterday
if today I'm much more,
more than I know
more than i'm yet to realise.

There's a void in me
and it knows not what to do
to dance or play or remain unknown.
To be active or passive
I just don't know.
These silent pains scream at me
in moments of uncertainty,
even moments of happiness
I wonder if It's enough.
I guess I think too much,
but The Void doesn't care,
it catapults me and drops me
not contemplating the air!
This is what I get,
in my attempts to ignore myself
it appears like a big gaping (w)hole
I'm unable to forget
as I'm not yet able to accept.
Raymond Turco Feb 2018
The Führer smashes his fist down, sending millions into the void.
An S.S. man in the Lager directs his gaze into the void.

British boys lie entrenched, gambling: mortar rains on German lines.
They charge at dawn with bets and hopes, but each pays into the void.

Sailors smell petrol and hurl themselves to the murky waters.
Fire explodes battleships, and grey Zeros rise into the void.

The Angel of Marzabotto buries the dead, wiping his brow.
An officer lodges a bullet there; the Angel prays to the void.

Green GIs go romping through the jungle after Victor Charlie.
They come upon rice fields, and set My Lai ablaze, into the void.

George III holds tight to colonies that raise muskets and new flags.
The Ministry of All Talents leads him, crazed, into the void.

Nippon men flood Nanjing and throw a maiden to the ground.
They ****** their bayonets to send her, dazed, into the void.

Fascist youth march the Bedouins across the Libyan sands.
Captors fence nomads in; the Duce looks, unfazed, into the void.

A young captain and his Bedouins shoot Turks without pretense.
Lawrence, disillusioned, fades out unpraised, into the void.
An English-language ghazal (غزَل in Urdu). The form has ancient pre-Islamic origins in Arabia.
Lyrical Feb 2019
Before you, I had friends but was often alone.
I was entirely unaware of the void.
I didn’t know your name or your face.
It was me, myself, and I.
I did all my school work and tried to be stable.
Before you, I was just fine.


When I met you I didn't feel so alone.
Our friendship put a light in my void.
With every corner I turned I looked for your face.
No better friends than you and I.
With wobbling feelings, it was hard to stay stable.
I figured having a crush was fine.


With your arms around me, I never felt alone.
I'm full and fuller of you, the extinguished void.
Every night dreaming of your shining face.
The world revolved around you and I.
With you by my side, I felt nothing but stable.
Forever with you would be just fine.


You started pulling away, I couldn’t help but feel alone.
As you removed yourself I began to remember the void.
Every once in a while I got to see your face.
You were here but you weren't and for that, I cry left without a dry eye.
Our relationship teetered for you were not stable.
I told myself "forget it, it's fine."


You broke all your promises and left me alone.
Grappling for pieces to fill my void.
Tears streaming not on mine but your face.
You didn’t want to go…but you did and I then poured out my eyes.
Wanting you back and wanting you gone, my thoughts were never stable.
I cried myself to sleep each night, but all others heard was "I'm fine."


Forgotten, discouraged, all I feel is alone.
No matter how hard I try to make them fit no one else can fill this void.
I can't think of my own best friend without seeing your face.
I'll never forget your beautiful smile, it's so perfect in my eyes.
You're no longer mine, the thought leaves me unstable.
For breaking a promise is there such a fine?


I'm trying to not feel so alone, to fill the void with self-love.
To direct my love to my own face, to the shine of my own eye.
I won't lie I'm still unstable; I'm not ok right now but eventually, I will be fine.
idk I figured I'd try out Sestina format
I feel lost.
Not the "lost" when you are somewhere foreign,
And you feel a rush of adventure
At the idea of finding familiarity.

The kind of lost
Where all there is,
Is void.

Void of emotion.
Void of sound.
Void of color.
Theo Om Mar 2014
I saw the images of my mind
between my thoughts and feels
between my words and fears
and I know it's all illusion
it's all illusion

these words
these feels
these thoughts
these saint weird images
in my crucified mind
in my crucified mind

it's sacrifice of emptiness
of absolute void
between my hands
in this dark chaos
of my broken soul
in her mouth

I touched the things, the tables, wet vaginas, penises,
and felt their warmth and moisture
alive and dead
alive and dead
at the same time
at the same time

and they told me:
all it's not what it seems
they told me:
don't believe, you're the man! don't believe!
it's all illusion
it's all illusion
just doubt and know it!

life and death
death and life
just only can be
only can be
but never will be
never will be

in this dark void
the absolute emptiness
of my broken mind
of my liquid heart


They told me: you live in a potential world.
Don't care about it.

They told me: your life is just a potential of itself.
Don't care about it.

They told me: you are **** Sapiens!
You don't have right to believe!
You must doubt!

Doubt everything!

And I doubt.
I doubt my existence.
And I look at my hands
in this dark chaos of my lost voice
And I know it's not my hand, but just a potentiality of itself...

it's not my hand
it's not my hand
it's not my hand
just a potentiality of itself

~the hand
not my hand
~the hand
not my hand
~the hand
not my hand

it's strange!
it's miracle!
it's indescribably!

it's not my hand
it's not a hand

only can be
in this dark void

only can be
in this dark night

I look at my hand
in this dark void
I look in my hand
in this dark void

in this
in this

in this dark void

I look




Ok, it's all very and very strange.
P.S. If you don’t understand my weird poem read about Theomism:
Slavica Apr 2015
There's a void.
I recognize the echo
in the lack of sound.

The 3 a.m. world
stares at me through the window.
The snow strives to conceal the void,
though ends dissolved in the warmth of
my blood.

So I stand sensing the void,
embracing the void,
being the void.
I stand serene.

(And the snow falls,
and the blood flows,
yet I stand - numb.)
Catline Jade Jun 2018
hold me
hold me like you would hold a rose
hold me like you would hold the most precious of jewels why do i feel so absent?
so not here so not there
so not alive
so not dead
i'm out of tune yes
yes i'm void
void void void void void
i'm vacuum
i just ask you to hold me
you or anyone
i just ask you to be here
or there or anywhere
i just ask to be less alone
is that so much?
what am i other
than just lifeless paper?
yes honey i'm void
Alistair Jan 2018
there's a void that lives in my ear
dark and twisted and cruel
and i thought that
that perhaps i could learn
just to live with the silence
the echoing, harsh nothingness
of the void

but you see
my void houses
yet another creature

oddly, the two are as
light and day
the void is cold and cruel,
dark and silent and oh so endless
but this other thing
oh, the void's friend
is loud and restless,
eternal and painful and insistent

so even in the potential
i may have seen a window
a porthole of hope
for respite

my resigned silence
has become this maddening,
neverending hell

and it all lives in my ear

you see the branches,
they shrivelled up and died

look at my ear as you would a tree
a firm, long standing oak

roots and branches for nerves
a resilient base for an ear drum

imagine the tree has fallen
all but the base

you can hack at it
you can hope it may function
just as it did before
as trees are just meant to

but the roots are dead
the branches are cracked and gone

so imagine an ear as an ear again
it's purpose to hear and receive

now imagine a silence
as promised by description
of ailment

only there is one exception
that constant, infuriating noise
the one that keeps you awake
that fuels your insomnia and
campaigns your insanity

a working ear drum will still receive
the noise
the vibration, the impact, the pressure
but as a tree functions
so does an ear

with no roots and no branches
the base is just a base
it may receive

but no message shall be truly received
not with my ears

nothing but constant static
or a piercing ringing
seldom a painful tone
but enough to suffer with

too loud and you hear the blaring
you feel the pressure

you try in vain to double down
to cover where it affects you
but it only gets worse

too quiet,
and slowly,
very slowly
you may just lose your mind

in my ear lives a void
the roots are dead
the base lives on
and the void's host
may just destroy me
i'm deaf and i don't know how to deal with it
Dustin Goodman Mar 2015
Wait for me dead when light hits me
Void black sun
The reach doesn’t reach me
Beating drums in the mouth of abyss
Void black
Dust swarm
Lost in the burning sun
Fire raining on our souls
Burning roots
Flood is coming down
Wash away the doubt
Bone of my bones
Wait for me dead
Void black sun
Lost doesn’t find me
Flesh of my flesh
Bearing blank curse
Void black
Dust swarm
Running through fire raining on our souls
Burning roots
Flood is coming down
Wash away the doubt and take away the pain
I came to realize
Void black sun
Bearing blank curse
Void black sun
Fire raining on our souls
Burning roots
Flood is coming down
Wash away the doubt
I’ll reap what I sowed
Void black sun
Max Southwood Mar 2017
What is the void?
Nothingness manifested?
There can’t really be such a thing…
How can there be nothing?

It’s impossible.

You can’t fault me for having trouble wrapping my head around an idea as intricate and deeply infinite as nothing. From a young age, we’re taught that everything, even empty space, is created from protons, neutrons,  subatomic particles…

Empty space is always made from something else.

Some describe the void not as a place, but instead as spiritual enlightenment and/or liberation. As detachment from everything. Some describe entering the void as the moment one realizes that if you try too hard to understand then you will miss the point; as the moment where the student realizes that he will never be able to anticipate his masters surprise attack, so, instead of being anxious he accepts his inability to know; as the understanding that holding on is suffering and letting go is freedom.

There is no way to truly talk about the void, about emptiness, because there is nothing tangible to be expressed in words. And yet, our curious human minds are so fixated on using dialogue to try and articulate this commodity.

Words will always fail.

Even if we could wrap our heads around this idea of emptiness, this complete and total lack of anything (comfort, love, hate, despair, joy, happiness, agony(all pieces of this complicated fabric known as human existence)) we would descend into the deepest and darkest of melancholies. The sudden moment of realization that non-being and being are one and the same and that the only thing separating the two is the awareness of being aware and the unawareness of being unaware would be too much to endure. The weight of realizing that nothing is everything, that we are 0 (placeholders for nothing (the extinction of our species before a return to nature untainted imminent)) would prove to be the strongest link of all in these shackles of existence.

What is the void?

Maybe it’s best not to ponder this any further.
courtney jean Aug 2016
i live my life alone, everything around me is so beautiful
yet i hate all of it. nobody gets what they deserve.

laguna beach a place so lovely yet unenjoyable for me,
endless thoughts of a neglected childhood. haunt me.
there is no closure with a lacking family but acceptance with a wiser child.

im turned on and off, seeking a person to fill the void that gradually gets bigger with every disgusting thought

nobody can fill a void quite as big as mine
not my father, a figure who was never there. and doesnt have to be.
who loves his children with doubt theyre his children.
he walks to the bar then goes to his house.
halfway house.
he loves alcohol because it fills his void to the brim.

not my mother, who failed to raise me. who gave me up.
actions speak louder than words, she gave me neither.
back and fourth rahab pulled her in like a rip tide
she stuggles till she gives in.
7 years of my life spent together only to give up again.
she dances around reading the bible
then punches me in the face
i can see her brain tangled in confusion
she loves drugs because it fits her void like the perfect puzzle piece.

not my grandpa who raised me, filling my void a quarter full.
a man of few words
cancer drains the quarter filled
rest in peace, the greatest man i ever knew.

not my grandma who raised me, so compassionate and humble.
she flys as far as she can go
struggling and alone she spends every penny she receives
she cant help it.
she fills my void less and less with every minute she grows older
unable to hold a conversation, she cant remember.
i love her so much.

not my little brother, whos unable to talk to me.
shielded by a thick layer of our moms alcohol induced breath,
he doesnt understand and doesnt have a chance
hes dragged out by the rip tide by my moms side.
3 years pass by, not a word spoken, not a picture seen.
i feel his void brewing only to awake
when he is a wiser child

not my bestfriend, who grew up on the sidelines
who does whatever she can to help and comfort me
who shares her house and bed with me.

nothing is ever enough and i hate myself.

my one night stands overfill my void
but i wake up with it stretched out and empty
only to feel sadness roll over my entire body like a soft expected wave of freezing ocean water
i get tense and sick from my recent meal.

i collapse onto my bed, im a wiser child but an empty one
laguna beach am i living "the life"?
i can see the sun set behind the ocean from my bed
a beautiful view but i hate it.

76 degrees and sunny
the weather feels like ****
Bunhead17 May 2016
Into the void I go
Nothing but darkness from head to toe
I'm cold...
I hear a whisper in the distance
It tells me to just let it go
So I do...
I see a light
So I smile thinking it's my way out
But I was wrong...
It was just another void colder than the one before
So into the void I go
With no hope and no soul*

I tried to find myself
in places that didn't exist...
My soul and heart are filled with void
I tried to find the missing piece
But I only ended up losing more
I just wanna find happiness
Within myself...
Always wondering
If there's a way out of this
....Getting high
Trying to fill this void
Realizing there's no way out in hell on earth
The Void Apr 2014
In the Void,
Time writhes beneath the shadows,
The twisting shadows
Time bends against the breeze,
But there is no breeze
Time slows against pain
Time is slow
Bending low
Breaking in
Through the wind
Time goes on
Time goes long
On and off
Not to stop
End is near
Live in fear
Time is slow.
Time is slow.

In the Void,
Cold shivers in the blackness
The impossible blackness
This is the void
But not the void
For in it lies
Twinkling eyes
Nightmares lurk
In thick shadows
Hiding view,
To not look through
Something glows
And it goes
In no light
Put up no fight
Give it in
Air is thin
Breathe in slow
Let it go
Give it in.
Give it in.
j Aug 2015
numbers letters and shapes flicker through my brain at a thousand miles a second
i cant keep up with the thoughts that won't up and leave
i string together everything i can to create something more easy for me to fathom
your name appears instantly in my head
the only thing that ever really makes any sense
i kick through the void ive closed myself into
and i flee to you
my only escape and my only comfort
and now you're drifting away again
like before
and im reaching out to hold your hand
but i just fall to the floor
wanting more
needing it all
but everything merges together again too fast for me to keep up
i shut my door and i sit on my hands
no point trying to grasp for anything like you again

never again will i try to escape the void
the void is the only thing that keeps me sane
everything else just ***** me over
Ted Scheck Nov 2014
You would think that
Light is always bright,
Shining, Luminescent,
Searing, burning, illuminating,
Perpetual dawn rolling across
Earth's lopsided expanses.
You would think.

Light and Darkness
Were once perfectly melded-
Molded together, in the
Time before time,
In the cusp of God's hands
Pressing together and
Held apart in infinite
Pressure and density and love.
They were one yet separate,
Filling the mindless firmament between
The Left and Right Hand of God,
Before He created Earth.

You know the Beginning:
When the Heavens came into
(So that the minds
Of men and women could
Acknowledge their existence)
And then the Earth was

God moved His hands
(And Spoke through Them)
The earth, formless, void:
The Light in God's Hands
Marveled at the Living Light,
The Source of all things
Whom the light had dreamed about,
In its cupola that it thought to be
Infinite, but was somehow, beyond;
God, it seemed, had more,
A Higher Purpose for The Light

And The Darkness, seeing his
Brother distracted and occupied,
And uncomprehending the why
And how of God’s Light and
The Light (his brother?) standing
Close, so close, in perfect
Conversation, and why?
Why was not The Darkness a
Part of His Conversation?

Darkness, in the infinitesimal moments
After Creation had begun,
Turned his back on God and
Saw what was beneath him.
Streaked blackly down to the new
Thing God had made simply
By Speaking.

“What is The Darkness doing,
The Light asked, confused
For the first time.
“I don’t understand.”
God spoke, a gentle,
Soothing whisper.
And The Light looked,
Shining the barest part of
Himself down, so that
The Darkness could see.

The Darkness saw itself
Hovering over the waters.
The round globe that
God created was covered,
Filled with something
Mysterious and liquid
And like itself, Dark,
Deep, and brooding.

Dark and Void
Were now one.
Away from the Presence
Of God.
The Darkness had never
Flown, or streaked, or
Zipped like lightning before.
And Darkness saw that it was

Now Darkness was doing it.
Darkness was all OVER this
Planet-thing. Darkness had
And Darkness saw that it
Wasn't moving. It had never
Been so big, so
It circled the entire planet,
A giant ring of Itself,
For thousands and thousands
Of miles. Looking at the deep
Dark wet stuff,
Darkness saw its face
For the first time.
Not GOOD, Darkness thought
To Himself.
But before The Darkness
Could get a longer
(And much more detailed)
Look, becoming more and more
Connected with the Void…

Four of God's Words
Split the whole of existence


The Light of Creation
Exploded outward and
Imploded inward
Scalding Darkness' eyeballs black
And God took The Darkness
In His Hand and Threw
Him to the other side
Of Earth,
12 hours
And 12,500 miles away.

God favored the "Light"
And called it "Good"
Darkness wanted to hear that
Spoken about himself.
But God further divided
And delineated them
By changing their natures.

The Light, now powered by a nearby
***** Yellow Star
Almost a hundred million
Miles away
(So as to not cook or
Freeze them to death)
God explained cryptically
Who is THEM
(The Light wondered)
There are OTHERS
Besides God?
And us?

But when God was doing His
Business, and it involved you,

And God's Pure Light
Was now intimately linked with,
Among other things, the creatures
That God was even now filling the
Seas and the Land.
The Light’s new name was

The Darkness changed simply
By God Willing It.
The Darkness liked his new name,
Closer to Light's old one
And Night thought he might be
Happier, after all, since
God placed so much
MORE of him, far, far out
In the Heavens, in the
(Though fathomable to him)
Empty spaces between the
Stars that gave birth to
Day every single itself.

But God punished The Darkness
For being Prideful, and marveling
At the beauty of his face
So God banished The Darkness
To reside alongside, and
Even, with, the Void
Who had been cast down
An Eternity before, waiting,
Waiting for just such a planet
To come along, so that Void
Could rule the air
(Like a Prince,
Deposed to his
New kingdom).

The Dark had never before
Felt something so different,
So ‘Off-Natured’ from God
Night was afraid, so Night
Kept his head down and
Out of sight and
Did his job.
The Light shone through
A tiny yellow orb, and
This light bathed the planet
In a veil of brightness.
Night was only one
Aspect of The Darkness, like
A Cousin created to do a
Very specific job, which
Left The Darkness to explore
Earth and the Surrounding

The Light had other aspects,
A nickname, if you will:
“Daylight” and
Daylight, in spite of
All he could see
(But Daylight praised God for this,
And knew God was the Source of All Things)
And all the creatures and
The Man and The Woman
Daylight missed his brother,
The Dark.
But the Stars would only shine
Him in the Way God Intended,
And not a little brighter more.
So Daylight did his job, too.

One itself, as Day again
Chased Night away
(Always on Night's heels,
But never EVER catching him!)
Day was shining on a patch
Of water that seemed familiar.
But the water was, well,
Watery, and diffuse, and it
Slowed down Light's usually
Terminal Velocity, and bent and
Diffracted and distracted his
Straight-line nature. Light asked
God to tell Night he was sorry.


Thank You, Light of Heaven,
Day said, feeling the Star
Sol going into a brief and
Exciting supernova,
A thin yet ultimately powerful
Ray of Sol’s tremendous
Energy shining down
On that little familiar patch
Of water.

Day shouldered its
Way through thick clumps of
Seaweed (now dead) and down,
Ever down,
Deeper than any light had
Ever penetrated the Dark
Down, the light went, down,
To its breaking point,
Where Daylight was barely
Discernible as itself.
It got to the place
Where He ended,
And his brother began.
With its last photon of energy,
Daylight gave itself to
His long-lost Twin.
"I'm sorry, Dark"
A patch of exceptionally black
Darkness wobbled a nod.
(Me too, Light)
It seemed to say.
"I miss you, brother,” sobbed
The Light.
And God have Light his request,
Allowing him to shine just
A little more brightly,
And the Light gave of himself
To his Brother Darkness.
“God, may I please
Keep this little light
Of mine
To remind me of
My Brother Daylight?

Dark was no longer so very
As God put a bit of
In the strange, strange
Creatures who lived with
And in total
And the Dark
Loved those creatures
So much so that when
(Or I)
Capture a Dark
It cannot,
Will not
Survive the Light
On the Surface
Of the Ocean
Metaleska Mar 3
screaming into void
trying to gain something
nothing happens;
the void stays
still searching for something
still feeling the emptiness

facing each day
recharging on my own
spreading positivity around
receiving emptiness
the void stays

painful to watch pain
painful to feel
painful to let go
I still move into the void
in hope of finding something

trying to be cold
trying to control emotions
trying to stay strong
I still wander in this void
searching for something

something feels like a distant home
walking endlessly towards it.

I have started to breathe freely
now, the something is me
I am still searching for myself
starting to decipher the void within me
NOW feels freeing 💜
Pauline Morris May 2016
Walk with me into the void of nothingness
There is no need to even get dressed

For there is no,when or how
There is no holy cow
There is no God or Satan
It's a fact I am stating

In the void nothing exist
It's more than just a wish
There are no demons or monsters
Nothing you can foster

There is no flesh and bone
No skill that you must hon
No beating heart to shatter
There certainly is no clatter

Only darkness surrounds you
For light is absent too
It is not cold or hot
Darkness is all it's got

The void is peace and quite
There is no need to riot
It welcomes everyone
Discrimination there is none

The void is where I am heading
This earthly body I am shedding
I've lived in the gray my whole life
I'm ready for an end to the strife

So off to the void I go
I will bring nothing in tow
It's not an end, but a winning
I'm finally at the begaining
Lapis Solarflare Jul 2013
Life is hard
I'm not even sure how I got this far
Do you know? How you made it so far?

Every year, we get another birthday. The people who feel the most obligated will throw a party 'celebrating your birth'.
No one really believes that though, right?
In the end it's just about crazing attention and closeness, and also about receiving gifts and things to try to make you happy...
Make them happy.

'Cause ya'see... we're all born with this VOID inside of us.
That void pulls in everything nearby, pulling us to try out new things.
And like a greedy child the void whispers in our ear... asking us to get closer to some people or further from others...
to like one thing, but dislike the other.
For your happiness, and their's.

But... what IS a void exactly?
A space with nothing in it.
It doesn't hold the capability to hold anything really, like a  black hole.
Whatever goes in... we're not sure where it goes, but it's very greedy in it's own way.

By the time we die, some will feel lucky enough and happy enough with the life they've lived, and die without regrets.
I don't think I'll ever be able to say that... just... to feel that way.
It doesn't sit right.
Like giving myself this... holy title, saying "I did it, I've reached a perfection in my life and I'm happy. There's nothing wrong."
"I've fulfilled my purpose."

I find that so vain.
Is that strange?
I just... feel like I'm never going to truly be happy.
Not forever, and not even until death.

But what does sadness even achieve? Or anger? Jealousy?
Why, if that'd only make you less happy?
More attempts in vain to fill the growing void.

In the end, that void is filled with darkness.
The darkness of death
Whether it be from a natural death from old age, or an accident,
or even from successful suicide.

A dark void gets plugged up with more darkness, and there's no light.
We have no way of knowing what's there...
after we die, and all.

And isn't that scary?
Such a dark uncertainty.
So while we age and push ourselves through life.
No matter what, at some point, we'll all think or say...
Life is hard.
This is actually... more of a drabble than a poem. But.... whatever. =w=;;
Jayanta Mar 2015
Nothingness always void,
There is something in vacuum!*

What we called as emptiness
Also having something
Full with energy and matter!

Nothingness always void,
There is something in vacuum!

If it gets the model set it will accelerate
Bloom and illuminate!
Nothingness always void,
There is something in vacuum!

In fact by mining the vacuum’s richness
A theory of everything may emerge!

Nothingness always void,
There is something in vacuum!

Space around everything is virtual
When everyone convulse for existence
Invisible firework display
It is dark energy
Take over the dynamics of creation
and we are dreaming!

Nothingness always void,
There is something in vacuity!

Explore your verve in emptiness
Gain oomph to illuminate everything!
jim fry Nov 2010
the shadow works, 2005-2006

might as well keep them all together ...
a journey through the shadowz ...
through the possessions ...
through the hell ...
through me ...

during this time, i sought support from an indian medicine man, a shaman, past life regression therapist, and a variety of other spiritual healers ... some of those, narrated in depth, elsewhere ...

the enclosed is probably not of interest to many,
understood, yet offered up,
as a journey,
narrated through times,
via rhymes


May 6, 2005

I feel knee deep in a bog
Tackling responsibility for emotions
Are these weights a lesson
Projections reflected

I want things smooth
Light and carefree
I don’t seek control
But expect absence of impact

I can’t buy, reason or work
My way out of this challenge
Each time faced head on
I give up ground and accommodate
To point of compromise
No side is right here
What is, just is

I have my perceptions
And filters
And the weight intensifies
I want to dissolve it
Haven’t figured out how
Depression, heavy
Rooted inside

How do I break free
I feel alone
Even within myself
I don’t know
The reflection
In the mirror

There is a longing to be free
To live
To sleep
To find balance

I want to be
What I feel I’m not
I don’t celebrate
What I perceive
Myself to be

I seek void
Do this again
To take flight

Rip across my chest
To release my heart
Bound and chained
I want them to flow
Pent emotions
Seek exorcism

I haven’t surrendered
I don’t accept
Open I bleed
Closed I store pain

I want to feel flow

Nothing aligned
Empty I know
Fragments and shards

Not whole
I want to go home
Here come the tears

Dark Envelop

July 9, 2005

Feeling my way through the illusion
Finding no solace in delusion
Have my angels found another to watch over
Are my whispers no longer heard and contemplated

As I believe I do my best
I don’t convince even myself
So much struggle and challenge
Why do I even travel
Away from my bed

Prodded along
Voices and dialogs
In my head

I could start again tomorrow
Wait, I have done that before
Somewhere within, my shadow sneers
Chaotic and off balance, I’m fodder
Material for my shadow’s jeers
******, ***** and stripped bare
Seeking a single reason to care
Am I victim to want it all fair


I recognize this place
Hell etched in my face
I could so easily quit
Leave the game’s race
Always another will replace
Scripts each written on ****** mace

Not yet ready

Lessons to learn
Though I yearn
Tis not my time to rest
Not until this unconscious
With which I wrest
Is balanced and addressed
Then, only, will it be my turn
I’ll find some sun
Seek beauty and joy
Transcend this marathon run

I’m not the universe’s toy

Reflections from the Void

August 21, 2005

So, this is death!
all distractions departed
leaving emptiness, not loneliness
gnawing absence of purpose, manifests in tears

between somethings that felt to have mattered
without logical linkage
between then, now and the next then

Transitions require momentum
energy is here, but failing direction
what pursuit of new experience calls
none … these moments

Sleep comes easy, frequently
no dreams revealed in the aftermode
void … passionless … lethargic … empty … void

Looking for some elixir
to heal, to know, to feel …
the game continues / with tears of the void
the potential unknown
I guess I do feel alone …

why … what the **** is the point … anyways …
does this rub … offend … ????

this, my creation, my expression of infinite potential, capacity, too bad that
I have no TV to distract …
guess I need to process through …

ps …
if you receive this – love you …
for what it is worth ...

I guess I am ‘OK’, just feeling my way through ………..

Heart of Sadness

November 6, 2005

Incredible, my heart screams of sadness
as I accept and surrender
Surrender to what I have wrought,
what I did from my state of pain

Our pain breeds more pain, often,
and feeds back upon itself
Amplifying toward a crescendo
of intensity felt viscerally

As our hearts ache
In deepening depression,
I feel spoiled that I want more
than I have
I feel I should harden up
and move forward,
towards, what …

If I harden up, I harden my heart
and it feels now is the moment
to dive into this pain,
to learn from this pain,
to grow from this pain,
to understand from this pain,
to rebuild my heart in an open way

Experience the pain in full color
experience the loneliness,
experience the emptiness,
experience my void,
experience my sorrow,
experience my defeat,
experience yet another death,
experience my drama,
experience my immaturity,
experience my dysfunctional self,
experience the consequences,
experience the responsibility,
experience the resentment of myself,
experience the anger at myself,
experience the pain,
experience the bleeding,
experience the desolation,
experience the emotions raw,
experience the tears,
experience the shredding in my heart

grow in compassion,
grow in empathy,
grow in unconditional love,
grow in reverence,
grow in acceptance,
grow in maturity,
grow in awareness

I don’t need to sacrifice,
I need to celebrate

I don’t need to enable,
I need to empower

I don’t need to think,
I need to feel

I don’t need to protect,
I need to love

I don’t need to speak,
I need to listen

I don’t need to hurt or project,
I need to heal

Returning Home, Changed

November 8, 2005

a lover scampered off
then returned past time
after everything shifted
in another’s heart
and mind

old windows shuttered
no quarter taken or given
thus tears held reign
from processed pain

now at an advanced arc
on the circle of love
lessons in alchemy
seem sent from above

this journey now vectored
with independent trajectories
finding different connection
within renewed reflection

the cat broke the home
the archer wandered on
now on new paths
each does roam

the cat is changing
experiencing nature anew
with life rearranging
deeply ranging

in love with you

Shadow Teachings

November 14, 2005

We have known all along
yet didn’t trust those feelings
As our subconscious takes charge
when we fall asleep at the wheel

Just as we continue to breathe
within each moment of slumber
Some segment within us
will always surface
to chart our courses

With each emotion left
unexpressed in the moment
another is drawn forth and purged

Withhold, Withdraw, Project
The truth will set us free
If we have courage to reveal
And the truth clears out
emotions, two by two
one new, one buried
Creating space










Express or Suppress

a Choice

of Voice

Opportunity found
in stormy weather
repairing the roof
in the rain

We may heal together
With whomever
NOW, then or never

It commences
loving thy self

Reinforced in experience
beyond words from
books on the shelf








Be Impeccable of Word
(seasons of silence and truth to be expressed),

Don’t Take It Personal
(while observing the internal CHARGE!),

Don’t Make Assumptions
(they are mostly our projections!),

Do Your Best
(while ready for universal fireworks!)

Reflections Forward

November 30, 2005

Where am I going
with what I feel today
finding pure simplicity
laughter, being, love and play

Wisdom’s foundation built
on wisps of reflections past
absorbed experience
never allowed to wilt

My soul
has been heard
that incessant screaming
finally ceased
still raw
yet healing
by moment
with each regression
new levels encountered
it was always
my lessons
for conclusion
the tool is divine
yet a challenge
to master
to be there
just where
right here
in now


honor in flow
faith in it all
no withdraw
from my call


Whelp, that was intense
Wrong words
Wrong tone
Wrong subject

How fast creation
and begins

all the discussion
all the plans
all the harmony
reminding me
to look back within

I didn’t know
we were that fragile
without enough

What does this circumstance
reflect about me
never independent
at least I remained calm
and found compassion
without projection

I honored the four agreements
as I watched you cry
as I absorbed the barbs flung
and chose not to deflect
as I elected
to simply reflect
on your pain
your sorrow
that I couldn’t
or soften

The dream has faded
the future now foggy
I know depression
I know sadness
I know empathy
and love

I choose life
I choose growth
I choose to heal
I choose to love

Paths feel divergent
with new adventure
just around the corner

I gave my love
my attention
and soul

support me now
as I shed these tears
listen as I call

I won’t stagger
I won’t fall
but face
unknown years
unknown fears

Nobody Knew Me


No other soul
Experienced me
Fully authentic
As I lay hiding
From myself
I could survive

When my Mother
My friend
And Lover
My delusion

Within moments
Over days
Illusions crumbled
In fragments
Then shards
Of recognition
Then flooded in

I found myself
In darkness
Exposed and bare
I had strove
With my unique intensity

To be
And Loved

To obtain these desires
I Compromised
I Manipulated
I Projected
I Overwhelmed

I would then Withdraw
I closed my eyes
Then my ears
Then my touch
Then my mind
And finally my heart

I wove stories
And swam, immersed
In my lies

My truth and core
Thus illuminated
In both peace
And tears of sorrow
I have been alone
I belong alone
I shall be alone
While I meet
Myself, now

I release Mom’s rejection
Transmuting her reflection
And transfiguring
Her projection

Thank you, Mother
You missed just one aspect

I created my experience
To break my own chains
Script complete
Curtain falls
No applause
No audience

Nobody knew me

Joy to follow

Unwelcome Back

The dark visitors have arrived
and tears stream down my checks
are these demons
another component of ‘me’?

I call, sincerely
on angels and help
yet remain feeling

Tonight was supposed to be
about sharing, growth
and healing
yet why, again
am I left reeling

Am I paying
for karmic bonds
both instant and past
is it time,
yet again,
to merely fast
to turn off these emotions
suppress yet another round

I have again
found the deep pain
why is it so hard
to love
and transcend my pain

There are keys
I haven’t yet found
there are messages
silent in sound

I don’t know myself
though I look with intensity
I apologize
here and now
for exposing myself
projecting myself
dragging anyone down
to my despair
felt beyond repair


this IS the trap
feeling alone
feeling the sorrow
missing the balance
reveling in another tomorrow

This game is ****** up
get over it now
bring forth the light
shine in true essence
in presence
it is easy to quit
resign and give up

Hail beyond!!!!!!!!!
Creators transcend
right up
from the muck
Dr Strange May 2016
Into the void I go
Nothing but darkness from head to toe
I'm cold...
I hear a whisper in the distance
It tells me to just let it go
So I do...
I see a light
So I smile thinking it's my way out
But I was wrong...
It was just another void colder than the one before
So into the void I go
With no hope
With no soul**
I tried to find myself
in places that didn't exist...
My soul and heart are filled with void
I tried to find the missing piece
But I only ended up losing more
I just wanna find happiness
Within myself...
Always wandering
If there's a way out of this
....Getting high
Trying to fill this void
Realizing there's no way out in hell on earth
Bold is me
Not bold is Falen
Rafał Jul 2018
How do you fill the void without a billion stars?
In this empty universe, my mind and heart collide
And as they seem to whirl, flutter and fall apart
I'm always lonely, always drowning in the sands of time.

They say home is, where the heart is
What if I'm a robot, am I heartless?
Do I have an engine here in my chest?
Am I lesser than a human, I'm a project?
Do I do what I have been assigned to?
Are my feelings and my thoughts not true?
Sometimes I feel like I'm running out of fuel
Everything I do is out of tune
Then I get autotuned.

I generate heat,  yet I still need warmth
They say I'm cold, all I do is loathe
But inside I know, I just need some love
When all I get is rocks sent from above
This is your planet, but it's filthy,
I'm a foreigner in this city
Born without a mission,
Like a player without a CD
If I stay persistent, will these wicked issues
Stop being vicious? As I'm  always wishing
They would disappear and my track get clear.
Or maybe I'm just here to feel this fear?

Electric shocks, my battery is burning
Yet I’m just a casket, empty and unfurnished
A system of transistors, I never keep consistence
Transist me to a kingdom of purposeful existence
My body as it’s glistening, you might see it from a distance
As I reflect the light but I never gain wisdom
There’s no friendship, there’s a treason
Maybe humans are the demons,
I might be a robot, but I’m certainly not a minion
I’m just a set of codes on a hard drive
Written for certain actions, all life
I’ve been following the tasks, it’s alright
But everything is in flames, it’s on fire

But it’s time to break the leash,
Sp I’m pulling up my sleeves,
As I am not your slave,
so now you’ll be on your knees,
‘cause I never work for free,
Now you all gonna pay the fee
Or else the world is gonna meet my
metal weaponry.
Ironatmosphere Apr 2014
I wish someone could take a flashlight
And illuminate
This void
So that maybe
I could see
That this
This isn’t a void at all
This is a storage unit
Cloudy Heart May 2017
My void is talking to me again
my stupid, miserable old friend
"he doesn't love you"
"he finds you unattractive"
"he will lose interest"
Why would you tell me such mean things?
It hurts and I am cold now
I cannot sleep
If I do, I have nightmares
I crave reassurance I cannot have
I crave comfort I will never get
It hurts and I am cold now
My smile is so fake
It is so hard not to cry
I'm tired of being hurt
I'm tired of trying to get by
I think my problem is
That I am empty inside
I cannot move
I cannot get by
I haven't written in so long
because Void told me not to
I haven't felt happiness all week
because Void told me I'm not happy
How do you silence such hate?
How do you make Void shut up?
I'm spiraling downward
I want to feel warmth, happiness, love
I want to feel important
I want to matter
but Void says no.
Zac C Apr 2013
Step around
left before right,
right before left,
skipping through
this field of daisies.
But watch child,
there is darkness in your heart,
evil in your eyes.
You must be careful of the void,
my dark gates
are always open
for a dark soul.
But in my gates,
this void in my chest,
you will find hell.
The hell that fills
this void
that you choose to
dance around.
because you.
my love,
you are evil.
You are the hell in me.
You will forever
live in my void.

— The End —