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anastasiad Oct 2016
In the past we've talked about the actual issues to consider were required to make Display?and also Silverlight?structured uses look for favorable, although all of us deliberately neglected two huge aspects of rich style: movies and pictures. We left those outside to make sure that we could open an independent discussion on the tips equally for movies and pictures. With out further more ado, listed below are everything you want to find out in order to make the movies and images rely when it comes to your own search-friendliness, increase your research position and finally enhance web page change.

Improving Video clip Information intended for Search Yahoo and google?particularly swallows a vested desire for video-based information because doing so possesses YouTube? in addition to showcases video tutorials normally above the fold. This can be a part of an approach termed universal seek and it is hard work to help zero-in with people?requires more speedily. On top of that, because there's even less online video articles contending for high get ranking (specially movies which are very well enhanced and also tagged) there is big area intended for boost in this market. Firstly , you must choose is to try and are website hosting them, this also largely is determined by your purpose for any video. ?Make best use of Vistas ?If this is your main goal, it is advisable for hosting film using a sharing web page like You-Tube that should influence the actual built-in targeted traffic of the third-party-site ?Delivering Visitors to your web blog ?Introduce on your own site so as to increase the degree of your site lookup testimonials.

Embed inside your web page; store them in your web site The next phase within your online video search engine marketing wonder is to generate a improved title and description in addition to Web link, which often shouldn become completely way too distinct from your web webpages. Be sure you add some keyword and also key phrase that you simply think will certainly finest express and bring about the playback quality. Stay clear of tags as well as back links inside identify and outline, because consumers are less inclined to see the matter from the substance. Period is a dilemma that could typically restrain individuals from essentially enjoying videos. This advisable to think of video clip span concerning microwaving, yes microwaving. Think of the best way difficult it is to await Five minutes for your meal to be set. It looks like FOREVER. Mainly because microwaving has the meant peed?component into it, time period turns into comparable. This is the same principle with regards to almost all information online, video tutorials specially.

Whether or not it can take 5 minutes or maybe lengthier to produce key information, prehaps you are about to get rid of anyone. Exactly what should your online video will be Ten minutes+? Stopping that directly into lesser areas will probably be the most effective guess. Currently down to much more techie factors. When you have many videos in your website, it is a good option that you can make a video site map, to obtain the yahoo and google better explanations for you to directory. Guidelines stipulate of which like the online video media file, a picture, a subject and also a information provides ideal results. As a final point, design your training video known.

Marketing and advertising is generally the secret weapon to success, along with video tutorials aren't distinctive. Help people to obtain your own video clip by simply posting this for your company social websites (Facebook? Facebook and LinkedIn? records. Enhancing Illustrations or photos with regard to Lookup Yahoo likewise rates images in their Common Investigation attribute, thus well-optimized photos is usually a further feeder point for the web-site. In addition graphics help with a image desire of your respective articles, men and women will are more likely to examine your web site or article when the word will be artfully broken up. So far as the search marketing portion, there are several key actions you can take.

One of the first ways will be to have descriptive in addition to key phrase rich document bands; this provides the search engine spiders a lot more written text to be able to get. Captioning is probably the guidelines on how to fix keyword abundant textual content to your illustrations or photos. It doesn't superior describe your current picture as well as supplier to those reading through your website content continuously, almost all provides crawlers wording in order to associate with the wonderful pictures, increasing your SERP (search results page) status. Because there are several approaches to obtain information (distinct browsers, products, and so forth.) T tag words is often an excellent mishap plan.

What an Alternative (various) label can is actually submit on an photograph in case the gadget and also internet browser can't make the picture. It fills the space together with the text that you just give so that you can inform you and provides the search engines additional items of written text in order to creep. The overall dissertation of those reports now we have published can be: don let your loaded media channels count number to your conversion process seo and search presence targets. Thing is having a dependable technology lover including Amadeus Contacting, who are able to not simply aid you in a producing associated with wealthy World-wide-web database development, but can as well optimize your site content for your net profit targets.
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Breeze-Mist Nov 2016
On the first day of junior year
I came to school to see
A video on students rights and responsibilities

On the second day of junior year
I came to school to see
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities

On the third day of junior year
I came to school to see
Three different lunch periods
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities

On the fourth day of junior year
I came to school to see
Four hallway monitors
Three different lunch periods
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities

On the fifth day of junior year
I came to school to see
Five different sports fields
Four hallway monitors
Three different lunch periods
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities

On the sixth day of junior year
I came to school to see
Six school police officers
Five different sports fields
Four hallway monitors
Three different lunch periods
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities

On the seventh day of junior year
I came to school to see
Seven student councelors
Six school police officers
Five different sports fields
Four hallway monitors
Three different lunch periods
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities

On the eighth day of junior year
I came to school to see
Nine school principals
Seven student councelors
Six school police officers
Five different sports fields
Four hallway monitors
Three different lunch periods
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities

On the ninth day of junior year
I came to school to see
Over thirty clubs
Nine school principals
Seven student councelors
Six school police officers
Five different sports fields
Four hallway monitors
Three different lunch periods
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities

On the tenth day of junior year
I came to school to see
Hundreds of badly labeled classrooms
Over thirty clubs
Nine school principals
Seven student councelors
Six school police officers
Five different sports fields
Four hallway monitors
Three different lunch periods
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities

On the eleventh day of junior year
I came to school to see
Over four hundred teachers
Hundreds of badly labeled classrooms
Over thirty clubs
Nine school principals
Seven student councelors
Six school police officers
Five different sports fields
Four hallway monitors
Three different lunch periods
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities

On the twelfth day of junior year
I came to school to see*
Four thousand, five hundred and twenty-eight students
Over four hundred teachers
Hundreds of badly labeled classrooms
Over thirty clubs
Nine school principals
Seven student councelors
Six school police officers
Five different sports fields
Four hallway monitors
Three different lunch periods
Two miles of hallways
And a video on students rights and responsibilities
Sung to the tune of "Twelve Days of Christmas.
Classy J Jun 2015
Smash, slash, and if you're a noob you spam. Video Games the most interactive experience ever, it brings out the best and worst out of all of us. Combos and controls to study, instead of trying to study for an upcoming test. Some people say video games turns your brain into mush, but studies show that video games actually help people in the real world. Oh how I love video games they let me experience things outside can't, and even though movie versions of games aren't that good, I never usually get disappointed with sequels. Video games create more than fun times, they have also helped create my identity. So thank you video games for making me who I am.
Randy Johnson Sep 2019
If video games were like crack, I would've been dead long ago.
If video games were like crack, I would be buried six feet below.
If video games were like crack, I would've overdosed and wouldn't be alive.
If video games were like crack, I wouldn't have been able to survive.
If video games were like crack, somebody would've had to call my next of kin.
If video games were like crack, I wouldn't have played video games ever again.
If video games were like crack, I would've been like a man who can't swim, I would've drowned.
If video games were like crack, my ex-wife would be happy because I'd no longer be around.
2 Mother's Days
Came & went away
2 Mother's Days
I cried the day away

¬© From A Mother's ūüíĒ
5/12/20

Stress is a b*tch
It steals your joy
It makes u itch

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
5/11/20


Co-vid
Inspired by Jolene by Dolly Parton

Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our health!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our wealth!

Your symptoms come n a disguise
The media spreading all your lies
W/ scare tactics & fear mongering
Your gift to us makes us all cuss
We can't b who we were once
And we cannot compete with u
Co-vid

We dream about u n nightmares
U r on the news, u're everywhere
There's no escaping u @ all
Co-vid

But we can't easily understand
How you can take women & men
But u don't know what they mean 2 us
Co-vid

Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our health!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our wealth!

U could have your choice of homes
But we can't just go out & roam
Home's the only place 4 us
Co-vid

I had to write this song to u
Our very lives depend on u
And whatever u sent our way next
Co-vid

Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our health!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our wealth!

Co-vid! Co-vid!

¬© From A Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/19/20

Covid-19
U r obscene
We once were free
But we couldn't see

U stole that
From us
Til we
Wanna cuss

We can't see
Our fam
And u don't
Give a ****

We can't see
Our friends
Will this
Pandemic end?

Some can't go
To work
U're just a
Big ****

Kids can't
Go to school
Now parents
Have to enforce rules

¬© From A Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/8/20

Quarantine
Day 33!
***!
Woe is me!

Quarantine
Day 33!
Who r u &
Who is she?

Quarantine
Day 33!
Washing hands
To meet demands

Quarantine
Day 33!
Only go to work
Don't get perks

Quarantine
Day 33
I work full-time
But not he

Quarantine
Day 33
Shopping carts
6 feet apart

6 feet apart
And no hugs
6 feet apart
Don't share cootie bugs

¬© From A Working Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/11/20

N response to another poet's poem

We too are essential
And get paid small
For the work we do
For travelers and all

To find place of rest
At our hotel
We're practically the only ones open
As u can tell

I'm also a caregiver
Keeping people healthy
Although with covid-19
Not many r wealthy

We're all n this 2gether
All over the world
Hopefully future changes come
Soon to the weather

Don't matter the color of skin
Black, white or brown
We're all stuck in
All over every town

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/11/20

The 12 Months Of Lockdown

On the first month of lockdown all over my small town,
Jobs laid off, people stayed home!

On the second month of lockdown all over my small town,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people stayed home!

On the third month of lockdown all over my small town,
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people stayed home!

On the fourth month of lockdown all over my small town,
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people stayed home!

On the fifth month of lockdown all over my small town,
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the sixth month of lockdown all over my small town,
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the seventh month of lockdown all over my small town,
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the eighth month of lockdown all over my small town,
Pay your bills online!
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the ninth month of lockdown all over my small town,
People went crazy!
Pay your bills online!
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the 10th month of lockdown all over my small town,
Hosting watch parties!
People went crazy!
Pay your bills online!
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the 11th month of lockdown all over my small town,
Virtual church attendance
Hosting watch parties!
People went crazy!
Pay your bills online!
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the 12th month of lockdown all over my small town,
Wear face masks & gloves
Virtual church attendance
Hosting watch parties!
People went crazy!
Pay your bills online!
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

¬© From A Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/11/20

We're 'spose 2 b locked down
But it don't look like it
But all over my town
Ppl r pitching fits

They cannot go c
Their own family
They cannot go do
What they intended to

They r stuck inside
W/ family they hate
W/ rules 2 abide
They can't go out on dates

They will get over it
(Not b4 they pitch a fit!)
Or they'll get a ticket
(And they can't afford it!)

¬© From A Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/12/20

People wear frowns
And they wear gowns
People wear face masks While doing tasks

Pretty soon they'll wear
Coverings for their shoes
Just like doctors
And surgeons do

People wear gloves
Afraid they'll get sick
Like God up above
Couldn't heal them that quick

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/12/20

Easter n quarantine
This is obscene!
Easter n quarantine
Covid-19, u r really mean!

¬© From A Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/12/20

I can't c my kids
He still says they r his
He teaches them hate
Now that Morgan is 8

Roy's following too
And I don't know what to do

¬© From A Mother's ūüíĒ
4/14/20

He found another way
For DSS to say
That I cannot c
Not even #3

He's using the system
To benefit him
To brainwash them
Against me & William

¬© From A Mother's ūüíĒ
4/14/20

Happy birthday
To u all
Sorry that I
Couldn't call

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/20/20

"Boredom"
Inspired by: "Jolene" by Dolly Parton

https://youtu.be/Ixrje2rXLMA

Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please give everyone something else to do!
Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please before we go insane inside!

Your torture is beyond compare
U drive us to the brink w/ dares
W/ nothing left to do but stare around
Your smile is like evil disguised
Your voice telling all kinds of lies
And we've run out of things to do,
Boredom!

They talk about u on the news
You're streaming w/ the largest views
There's nowhere we can escape u
Boredom!

And I could easily understand
How you have need to recruit us
But you don't know what sanity is
Boredom!

Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please give everyone something else to do!
Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please before we go insane inside!

U could choose other planets
But u have chosen planet Earth
Seems we're the one for the job
Boredom!

I had 2 get this off my chest
So we can actually get some rest
I hope there is not another test
Boredom!

Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please give everyone something else to do!
Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please before we go insane inside!

Boredom! Boredom!

¬© From A Poet's ‚̧ԳŹ
4/21/20

If I cuss like a sailor
And dress like a tailor
Then my mouth would b *****
Even passed the age of 30.

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/22/20

If it smells like a trout
And u can't stay out
B sure to use protection
So u won't get an infection

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/22/20
I really want
To c my dad
But he only
Makes me mad

¬© From A Poet's ūüíĒ
3/22/20

Photo inspiration

Kissing in the rain
Washes away the pain
Even if it's in the shower
That takes over an hour
The hot water will run out
Then cold water comes out the spout
And then kills the mood
So we move to the room
Things r heating up now
There's no turning back now
Let's keep the momentum going
Now that our juices r flowing

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
5/12/20

2 Mother's Days
Came & went away
2 Mother's Days
I cried the day away

¬© From A Mother's ūüíĒ
5/12/20

Stress is a b*tch
It steals your joy
It makes u itch

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
5/11/20


Co-vid
Inspired by Jolene by Dolly Parton

Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our health!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our wealth!

Your symptoms come n a disguise
The media spreading all your lies
W/ scare tactics & fear mongering
Your gift to us makes us all cuss
We can't b who we were once
And we cannot compete with u
Co-vid

We dream about u n nightmares
U r on the news, u're everywhere
There's no escaping u @ all
Co-vid

But we can't easily understand
How you can take women & men
But u don't know what they mean 2 us
Co-vid

Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our health!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our wealth!

U could have your choice of homes
But we can't just go out & roam
Home's the only place 4 us
Co-vid

I had to write this song to u
Our very lives depend on u
And whatever u sent our way next
Co-vid

Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our health!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
Co-vid! Co-vid!
We're beggin' of you please don't take our wealth!

Co-vid! Co-vid!

¬© From A Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/19/20

Covid-19
U r obscene
We once were free
But we couldn't see

U stole that
From us
Til we
Wanna cuss

We can't see
Our fam
And u don't
Give a ****

We can't see
Our friends
Will this
Pandemic end?

Some can't go
To work
U're just a
Big ****

Kids can't
Go to school
Now parents
Have to enforce rules

¬© From A Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/8/20

Quarantine
Day 33!
***!
Woe is me!

Quarantine
Day 33!
Who r u &
Who is she?

Quarantine
Day 33!
Washing hands
To meet demands

Quarantine
Day 33!
Only go to work
Don't get perks

Quarantine
Day 33
I work full-time
But not he

Quarantine
Day 33
Shopping carts
6 feet apart

6 feet apart
And no hugs
6 feet apart
Don't share cootie bugs

¬© From A Working Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/11/20

N response to another poet's poem

We too are essential
And get paid small
For the work we do
For travelers and all

To find place of rest
At our hotel
We're practically the only ones open
As u can tell

I'm also a caregiver
Keeping people healthy
Although with covid-19
Not many r wealthy

We're all n this 2gether
All over the world
Hopefully future changes come
Soon to the weather

Don't matter the color of skin
Black, white or brown
We're all stuck in
All over every town

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/11/20

The 12 Months Of Lockdown

On the first month of lockdown all over my small town,
Jobs laid off, people stayed home!

On the second month of lockdown all over my small town,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people stayed home!

On the third month of lockdown all over my small town,
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people stayed home!

On the fourth month of lockdown all over my small town,
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people stayed home!

On the fifth month of lockdown all over my small town,
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the sixth month of lockdown all over my small town,
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the seventh month of lockdown all over my small town,
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the eighth month of lockdown all over my small town,
Pay your bills online!
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the ninth month of lockdown all over my small town,
People went crazy!
Pay your bills online!
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the 10th month of lockdown all over my small town,
Hosting watch parties!
People went crazy!
Pay your bills online!
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the 11th month of lockdown all over my small town,
Virtual church attendance
Hosting watch parties!
People went crazy!
Pay your bills online!
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

On the 12th month of lockdown all over my small town,
Wear face masks & gloves
Virtual church attendance
Hosting watch parties!
People went crazy!
Pay your bills online!
Toilet paper hoarding!
Honey-do projects!
Homeschooling!
Video chats
Online jobs,
People got bored
Jobs laid off, people got sent home!

¬© From A Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/11/20

We're 'spose 2 b locked down
But it don't look like it
But all over my town
Ppl r pitching fits

They cannot go c
Their own family
They cannot go do
What they intended to

They r stuck inside
W/ family they hate
W/ rules 2 abide
They can't go out on dates

They will get over it
(Not b4 they pitch a fit!)
Or they'll get a ticket
(And they can't afford it!)

¬© From A Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/12/20

People wear frowns
And they wear gowns
People wear face masks While doing tasks

Pretty soon they'll wear
Coverings for their shoes
Just like doctors
And surgeons do

People wear gloves
Afraid they'll get sick
Like God up above
Couldn't heal them that quick

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/12/20

Easter n quarantine
This is obscene!
Easter n quarantine
Covid-19, u r really mean!

¬© From A Quarantined Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/12/20

I can't c my kids
He still says they r his
He teaches them hate
Now that Morgan is 8

Roy's following too
And I don't know what to do

¬© From A Mother's ūüíĒ
4/14/20

He found another way
For DSS to say
That I cannot c
Not even #3

He's using the system
To benefit him
To brainwash them
Against me & William

¬© From A Mother's ūüíĒ
4/14/20

Happy birthday
To u all
Sorry that I
Couldn't call

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/20/20

"Boredom"
Inspired by: "Jolene" by Dolly Parton

https://youtu.be/Ixrje2rXLMA

Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please give everyone something else to do!
Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please before we go insane inside!

Your torture is beyond compare
U drive us to the brink w/ dares
W/ nothing left to do but stare around
Your smile is like evil disguised
Your voice telling all kinds of lies
And we've run out of things to do,
Boredom!

They talk about u on the news
You're streaming w/ the largest views
There's nowhere we can escape u
Boredom!

And I could easily understand
How you have need to recruit us
But you don't know what sanity is
Boredom!

Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please give everyone something else to do!
Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please before we go insane inside!

U could choose other planets
But u have chosen planet Earth
Seems we're the one for the job
Boredom!

I had 2 get this off my chest
So we can actually get some rest
I hope there is not another test
Boredom!

Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please give everyone something else to do!
Boredom! Boredom!
Boredom! Boredom!
Please before we go insane inside!

Boredom! Boredom!

¬© From A Poet's ‚̧ԳŹ
4/21/20

If I cuss like a sailor
And dress like a tailor
Then my mouth would b *****
Even passed the age of 30.

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/22/20

If it smells like a trout
And u can't stay out
B sure to use protection
So u won't get an infection

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
4/22/20

We pay rent
And don't c a cent
Of it in air
And she doesn't care

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
5/3/20

Photo challenge

I caught Tinker Bell!
The devilish little sprite!
She has been causing hell!
When she is out of sight!

¬© From A Poet's ‚ô•ÔłŹ
5/3/20
josh wilbanks Jul 2015
Wake up.
Think of you.
Remember you've changed.
Video games.
Avoid texting you.
Video games.
Spend money.
Feel terrible.
Video games.
Spend more money.
Text you.
Video games.
Forget to eat.
Video games.
Ponder suicide.
Day dream about death.
Video games.
Feel ******.
You don't help.
Check fridge.
Drink.
Video games.
Think of you.
Drink.
Video games.
Drink.
Find my knife.
Drink.
Consider.
Drink.
Text you.
*******.
**** me.
Drink.
Just one cut.
Think of you.
Drink.
Drink.
Drink.

Wake up.
Think of you.
Ouch.
"Just one cut."
Woops.
Text you.
You still don't care.
Drink.
Nap.

Rinse.
Repeate.
Average day. I hate how you changed.
anastasiad Dec 2016
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MateuŇ° Conrad Apr 2019
.murky are the forces, behind man's origins of intent, what freedom to succumb to a will, when the contradiction is in plain sight... the contradiction of competing wills, what inverted revision of the iron curtain must become apparent... man's inherent "concern" for free will, is nothing but the inherent desire to express it, by trampling on the "free will" of others... and then, the bonding servitude on the platitudes of concepts, akin to power, if not a slave unto a man, a slave unto an idea, a phantom man, a tier higher... and then unto the gods, who were never such a bothersome invention, as being invented to strive... but then the tier below, the phantom man, the crux of thinking, not of will unto the gods... the phantom man of: when thinking itself, because a claustrophobia... origins, intent, hierarchy... have only the jews ever liberated themselves from both the physical reality of the pyramid, and the metaphysical realism of the pyramid's shadow... how feeble, in man's attempt: to conquer mountain, given his predicament, of the scarcity allowance of his own time.

the samsung "collusion", wow, a big boys' word,

             well it must be...
perfect song
to listen to, while writing
something akin
to this?

        ex_machina soundtrack,
song?
                                   hacking / cutting...

do i own a samsung tablet,
yes?
what do i use it for...
the simple convenience...
of being perched on
a windowsill,
drinking, smoking a cagerette
out of the window...
into the night...
"star gazing"...

          is it a luxury?
what, for mostly listening to music
videos on youtube,
given that by the time i finish
writing this,
   there will only be about 2 physical
music outlets in London
(i.e. shops, i just mean shops)...
where you travel, mingle with people...

how many ******* shoes
or mobile phones do i need?
the number of vinyl records
i might "need"
are akin to the old autobahn
speed-limits...
       they're: inexhaustible...

it's just a ******* samsung tablet
from god knows when...
but samsung, i'm sorry to say,
has been calluding with
the powers at be
in terms of youtube video
commentaries...

  first i thought it was a viewing
count...
watched a 300+ video commentary,
watched a 30,000+ video commentary...
same ****, no different cover...

then watched a music video,
which wasn't exactly a music video,
since, i don't really like: music videos...
just a static screen,
with an album cover...

you know... when you listen
to radio, broadcast on the internet,
and the screen flashes up,
dims the lighting,
then switches off...
but the audio continues?

      see... i have a problem...
with samsung tablets...
                   these commentary
videos...
        "controversial"...
  i have to repeat the action
of touching the screen,
which i'm not exactly looking at...
mind elsewhere: ears honing in...
it's not like these youtubers
are working the radio over the internet
broadcast system...

once the samsung tablet's
light turn on,
dim down,
   then turn off completely...
the audio cuts off...

                but not, unless...
you're listening to a song,
    whether a real video fetish fest,
or a static screen of an album cover...

it's no "big" thing...
it's not like this tablet is anything
than an utility tool for
the new form of walkman,
a portable c.d. player,
an mp3 player...
      because... that's primarily what
it is to me...
10 minute interludes
on the windowsill,
cigarette in tow,
       "star-gazing" or whatever
you want to call: "introspection"...

       but music videos on youtube
do not put the device into
a "sleep-mode"...
         or at least...
not in the mode associate
primarily with listening to
radio stations working
their way past the device of
radio, to compensate their
transmission focus...

                  how can you listen
to a commentary video,
on a device...
that deems the video...
               well: "null"?
     the device is about 10 years old,
but somehow,
it has been updated...
to convey the current political
climate...
    music videos are fine...
the device doesn't go
              into "sleep mode",
any current social commentary
and the device does its prime duty,
bright lights of the screen,
dimmed lights of the screen,
snooze.

             prop machine, say are you,
say i, say we are non you,
        say i,
       and then come to the synthetic
conclusion...
              that other a.i. -
artifice intelligence,
   which is what intelligence was
to begin with.

                 ever talk to siri
on twitter...
                    i once did... apparently
"she" sent out a barage of messages to
slow down... or calm down...
or whatever made the "news"
         of this niche segment of society.

isn't that what the artificiality of
intelligence actually is, and is supposed to be?
i.e. artifice?
   aren't we supposed to be crafting
something as intelligent as ourselves,
in order to fool ourselves
within the confines of its over-invested
capacity?
          
   artificial intelligence is vague...
as a term, a concept, an ideology...
         a thorough-running thought project...
i know that intelligence reflects
such associate elements as: trust...
to be trust-worthy...
                            but the sort of
intelligence invested, into creating,
   "intelligence"... something inherited...
nuanced...
                  it's not artificial...
artificial as in: just because a lot of
nerds congregated and thought smart
in unison...
                     a lot of passionate
people also congregated at one point,
       and: gas, gas the...      ...chambers.  

only a simple example of how a.i. behaves...
it mimics savoured criticism
of the cul de sac,
                             a commentary video
akin to sargon of akkad
will do just that, when transmitted
on a samsung device...
                 but a music video won't:
(a) lights are on
(b) lights dim
(c) the device "switches off"...
    (sub-c) the device continues
its transmission, with a radio station
translated into a post-radio device
   "phantom"...

                i stopped calling it artificial
intelligence after a while...
            it's artifice...
                              as blatant as c.g.i.
graphics...  
           if there was an iron curtain...
                 another curtain has come in its place.
Andrew Rueter Sep 2017
We use video games
To make video gains
Until the screen goes black
And reality attacks
We lose all our progress
In the deletion process
As we level up we devolve
Around the TV we revolve
The more experience we gain
The more moments we lose
Our memories forever stained
When this is what we choose
Our life inside a hard drive
Our life becomes a hard lie
We revel in being unwise
Rage quitting life
We enjoy strife
And avoid pesky light
When we live in the dark
With consumerist plights
We are all marks

Video games balance in a zone
Between game and art
The frustration starts
When art is confused for games
And games mistook for art
People take things to heart
And spitefully spew viper venom
If this is where games send them
Then why do we play?
We have no other way
To feel accomplishment
In a society that worships competition
Video games become the second edition
Of a life filled with loss
On our pixelated cross
We are murdered millions of times
Reminiscent of the millions of lies
That make us losers in the real world
Video games become our shiny pearl

The computer displays defeat
When our lives aren't complete
Because we need someone to beat
Not realizing our lives are conquered
By frivolous topics we've pondered
Our meaningless life squandered
And hope comes in the form of new releases
While inside our faulty headset is in pieces
Parker Poole Dec 2016
Gotta live the Vanilla Video Game
Free of the world so called sane


You don't have a handle on the controller
No one does, you're a free soldier


Get dizzy, gulping Jack and Coke
Get numb, unsatisfying smoke


To live the Vanilla Video Game


Put your fake on blend in with the crowd
Smile to the sorrow that's pushing you around


Wearing bracelets to hide the undiscovered truth
Craving for shelter from the monsters let loose


Yawning over sadness, too much of a bore
Feel it all the time, can't feel it anymore


Can't wait for the guilt to eat out your soul
Vengeance on the lies your mouth ever stole


Gotta live the Vanilla Video Game
Free of the world so called sane


You don't have a handle on the controller
No one does you're a free soldier


Get dizzy gulping Jack and Coke
Get numb, unsatisfying smoke


To live the Vanilla Video Game


Read between the lines in the rulebook of perfection
Covered in flaws its the only direction


Fear is the thief to the thoughts in your head
Evaporating words left unsaid


Sin ***** you before took your innocence
It made its round to no one it missed


Constant melody; music had been a friend
Describing perfectly through thick and thin


Gotta live the Vanilla Video Game
Free of the world so called sane


You don't have a handle on the controller
No one does you're a free soldier


Get dizzy, gulping Jack and Coke
Get numb, unsatisfying smoke


Thats how you live the Vanilla Video Game
preservationman Jul 2015
Games between Earth and another space world
But it’s Level 2 through 5 in swirl
Various games testing your ability to win
‚ÄėIt‚Äôs all levels calling the stops at the very end
The wrong Earth message sent to unknown space
It’s the Earth from the outer world of space who wants to erase
It’s the video games of commerce and the Earth responding in defense
Strategy with a theory of game perfection
Knowledge with the power in how one will win
It’s was all the past thinking comprising from then
Level’s up and talent of one’s hands
Video movement and watching with keen control commands
Making elevating scores being a caravan
Earth being on an objective move
The other world with wizardry in fool on the top of being cruel
Professional video game players becoming their own challenge in saving the world
The outer world being defeated and their resources depleted
A delete on the outer world terms
Think positive in knowing you have achieved and the welcomed honor to proceed
Video games being one’s pure success, but those who can conquer are the masters who are the best.
Amber Rush Jun 2015
Am I going crazy?
Or am I just trying to escape to another dimension?
Another dimension with no you

Reality keeps giving you lives,
And I really hate it.
All I find is myself playing video games.

Each time I select a target,
feels like I’m selecting your head.

Video games has nothing to do with you
or maybe each time I win I feel like destroying you.
Am I a hater now?
After all this love I felt.

War is my head
And it's all because of you.
I just had the silliest wish.
I want to drop everything right now,
and play video games
that sounds so great right now.
Just me,
a can of soda,
the tv,
controller,
and a couple games.
I wanna play all night,
until the flash from my tv seems like lightning.
Create crime,
stop crime,
**** zombies,
and play football
on my x box.
Sounds pretty good.
Pull an "all nighter"
I love video games,
so
without further ado,
*its time to play
something a little happier. =)
Amber Bowen Dec 2014
Did you need something?
Sorry, I'm raiding
And I have plans with a friend
To do some high rank arenas later
"I can't right now"
Or
"Give me a moment"
And that moment turns into ten
Then twenty
Perhaps an hour that lasts a day
It's a horrible habit at times
But I don't regret where I spend my life
Twisted into the net
Immersed in this video game
Like an unhealthy addiction
Only it's not
It's my choice
You do your thing
As I hide behind this screen
Enjoying my time
Interacting with people
Over great distances
Whom I call friends
They don't judge
The way those around me do
Believe it or not
Just don't be fooled
By those creeps out there
But I promise
Good people exist
Over the net
You just have to find them
I'm incredibly sick of being judged
For playing video games
Look in the mirror
And realize
That I don't care
Hannah Holliday Mar 2015
If you fall in love with a boy who plays video games
remember that he will try to spend more time in his imaginary life
than in his real one
Steven Forrester Jan 2011
I take a drink
And then I think
I'm not alone
But still on the brink
Of insanity
In calamity
Flashing lights
A gun blast sounds
It keeps me sane
It keeps me bound
I sip again
And take another shot
I sit again
And get shot a lot
You all might think it's lame
But I love my *****
And my video games
(c) Steven Forrester
Talula Feb 2015
I must admit
I fell for the pretty lies you told
I guess I just wanted a hand to hold
Now my heart is broke

You made
Me go behind her back
Because I thought you liked me like me that
Now I don't know what to do
I need a guide to help me thru

Chorus:

I guess i was just another level to play
On his stupid, stupid video game
All his sweet talking
Smooth Walking
Always holding me close
Was just a strategy
But Baby
I'm sorry
In this video game
I'm the boss

FiRST Verse:

I'm a hard level to beat
I am the Queen Bee
I almost fell for all your tricks
But you never met a girl like this
Best believe I'll put up a fight
Before I let you win
I will make sure
You never hurt a girl again

Chorus x2

I didn't wanna tell her at first
But now I think its time
To be a true friend
And admit to all my lies

I got caught up in the web
And now I'm struggling
I never thought I would get stuck
Now all I do is hurt
I feel like I betrayed all her trust
I just hope she'll forgive me
When I tell her
To open her eyes and see

Bridge:

Baby,
I'm sorry,
You can't win this game
You fought your side
But I won't die
Just stop playing

Chorus.
Needs work
MateuŇ° Conrad Jul 2018
and i remember going out in london,
seeking bloc party, and a fan-b -
or *****... or sycophancy in practice...
snogging a finnish girl
who did the shadow work for the white
stripes, donning a eisernes kreuz
t-shirt, feeling like: well...
this could work... but it didn't...
ended up in upper-side of what was,
what is, what if of london...
cradling an ex-girlfriend on a bean
bag,
while our hosts did *******
below us...
     and i can only remedy myself,
now, with the memory,
  as vivid as a holocaust denier...
    shaking...
              petrified shaking,
but wholly imbedded by a trust...
              she wasn't something akin
to a size-difference fetish of
   a reverted teddy-bear / pillow,
in my arms...
   standing an astouding 6ft...
                        indian and trans-irish
roots...
                 (one antidote to identity
politico? **** it... spice it up
with terms like afro-saxons)...
                               her shaking...

semi-epileptic,
   but what a sensation, lodged into
a mind that has become purely
memoria cameo theatre...
what am i getting at?

ah!

    the slack boys get playing video games...
hell, i play video games while taking
a ****, on the throne of thrones,
but when i'm mobile?
closed eyes, sitting on a folded leg
on a window-sill,
   eyes, closed, ears armed with
a thumping sound akin to static-x,
"watching" a moo-v...
                did i eat any beef before
the mad cow disease broke down
the blind train of journalism?
    so... i have aspects of a mad cow
disease in me?!
             be and only be:
a relentless *******...

  but boys getting the slack for their
cognitive geography...
            
     but...

    a girl obsessing disney movies,
with her critique?
     apparently the world of boys
isn't colourful enough,
   or: too grey...
              well... we have the noir range...
but before that blossoms,
it's taken down, and has a psychiatric
institution impose its...

wait... **** addiction?
   ever try to alleviate that sort of addiction
by, actually buying a ***** mag.,
from a shop, and not even blushing?
there are alternatives to psychiatry -
i think the slur comes along
the rubric of:            wh     o      r        e:
oh... that fading french hark
within the straitjacket of for...

               huh? not a fork...
               boys are stupid for playing
video games,
  but girls are a o.k. doing disney cartoon
critiques...
    or that story of assorting a pyramid
but not an extending rectangle hierarchy...
        
boys stop playing video games,
girls stop having a fetish for idealistic
cartoons...
                  fair enough?

oh i'm ******...
                   because how can you
grind the one, but not observe the other?
cartoon movies
are video games what
girl is to boy:
                    replica -
                                counter-mimic.

yet... i can still only remember her
shaking body, left, in the *****
of my embrace...
        like i might love a ***** star...
with... the coincidence of:
not allowing a knowledge of
a past...

               it's not that ignorance
is bliss... certain types of ignorance...
simply do not hurt...

                and we woke up in the top
floor (there were only two to begin with)
of the werehouse,
   and with the sunrise, we parted...

she having children, i having the burden
of too many poems -
             the irrational reality of
inverted claustrophobia continually
****** a blank white pixel space
         with my maggoty wordings...
                  
a ***** addiction?
1. go into a shop and buy a mag.
2. watch videos of girls *******
3. watch videos of girls
     giving critique of YA novels
4. **** a lemon in the morning
   after a night of drinking?
5. consider the implanted
  impetus within the confines
of a circumcision?
Shakil Hasan Jan 2015
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My eyes see nothing but crosshairs
My right hand does nothing but clicks
In this cyberspace with no cares
Finally, happiness sticks

My ears hear nothing but bullets
My left hand does nothing but W,A,S,D
An experience that's as good as it gets
For at least a few hours, I'm free

My feelings are nothing but joy
My thoughts are nothing but video games
A place I can dominate a boy
Without having to say any names
Written 18 days ago.
jake aller Aug 2019
I don't get it
I don’t Get It 
Mr. Speaker
I admit I don’t get it

How does prayer
Stop gun violence?
Prayer did not work in Texas.

26 people were murdered
 while praying.

God if he exists
Obviously does not care
About the poor people
Who died in his church
Because a mad man‚Ä®
Got a gun
And no they were not praying
To be delivered from death
No one deserves to die like this

So my prayer to you
Is simply this

Get off your rear end
Rally the country
And do something

About gun violence

That’s a prayer
I hope works

Dear Speaker Ryan
I want to tell you something‚Ä®
The dead don’t want your prayers
The dead don’t care that you pray for them
They are dead after all

And you and your so-called Christians
Are to blame
You refuse to do anything
Anything at all

to stop the carnage
In our streets

The U.S. is flooded with guns
And more are sold every day
Millions of people don’t have health coverage
Millions are barely surviving

And your answer
Our dear great compassionate Speaker
Your answer 
Is Prayer works
Government action does not
You act as if the gun violence
Plaguing our country

Was like the weather
Beyond our control
So here’s my prayer for you

And your colleagues
When you die
I pray that God
Will send you

And your friends
Straight to hell
Where Satan and his demons
Will use you for target practice

That’s my prayer to you
And as you know
Prayer works
 
Mr. President
You are wrong once again

You said that the tragic events 
in Texas‚Ä®And Las Vegas were not ‚Äúgun situations‚ÄĚ‚Ä®
But rather were mental health problems
And that in Texas
if there had been no gun controls
Perhaps fewer people would have died

Mr. President‚Ä®
I know you a smart man‚Ä®
The smartest man in the world‚Ä®

According to you
So please contemplate this fact‚Ä®
According to the latest findings

It is a gun situation

In fact, the reason the U.S.‚Ä®
Has so many gun deaths 

Is because we have so many guns

45% of the worlds guns in fact
And 33 percent of the world’s shooters

Are Americans killing other Americans
And most of them 

the majority of them‚Ä®
Are White men killing other people
Not Islamic terrorists‚Ä®

Most are in fact‚Ä®
Self-proclaimed Christians
So Mr. President‚Ä®
When will you come to your senses
And do what 90 percent of the public wants‚Ä®

Enact nation wide effective gun controls?
And tell the NRA
 
they can take their blood money elsewhere

When Mr. President‚Ä®
When will you act‚Ä®
When will you take charge
And become a President of the people
Instead of the President of the NRA?
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‚Üź Previous1¬†2¬†345‚Ķ75Next ‚Üí
Virginia Beach Massacre Never Again
Virgina Beach 
‚Ä®
In a night of horrific scumbagery violence‚Ä®
Rarely seen in this jaded age of ours‚Ä®
Gone in one hour
In a spasm of horrific scumbagery violence
I
In just a few short minutes‚Ä®

Nothing more than that
 
In just a few moments‚Ä®
All 12 victims were murdered
By a disgruntled employee‚Ä®

Every one he knew was shot‚Ä®
And killed for no reason
Caused by the demons‚Ä®
His soul was so infected

Murderous demonic voices‚Ä®
All in his head‚Ä®
Screaming **** them all 
**** them all‚Ä®

Screaming none stop violence in his head‚Ä®
All the time
Causing him to start shooting 
everyone he saw‚Ä®

Regardless of who they were 
or where they were‚Ä®
Everyone must die 
screamed the demonic voices in his head
No one can be left alive‚Ä®

Everyone must die‚Ä®
Virtually all must die 
in his internal video game‚Ä®
Everyone must die


Regardless of who they were 
or where they were
Again just another day‚Ä®
Gone horribly wrong‚Ä®

All across America
In
every town‚Ä®
No where is safe anymore
Virgina Beach massacre

Virgina Beach massacre‚Ä®
Just another
Average night in America‚Ä®
An Active Shooter
scumbagery violence

Rarely seen

in this jaded wild world
Gone in one hour
In a spasm of horrific
scumbagery
In just a less than 30 short minutes‚Ä®
Nothing more than
In just a few short 30 moments‚Ä®
All the victims
were murdered while at their daily 
work
wrong place wrong time

act of a demotic deranged madman
voices screaming ****
The voices scream
death to all humans‚Ä®

All must be killed
The voices scream over and over
All must die now

Just another night in America
Land of the Brave
Home of the free
More Guns for Everyone in the World

The NRA has decided‚Ä®
That the best solution to global problem

Of rampant violence and crime everywhere
Is for the rest of the world‚Ä®

To become like the U.S.

Where anyone can buy a gun

As an armed society is a polite society’

And so the President i
s about to announce‚Ä®
A global campaign against gun control restrictions‚Ä®

As these restrictions
are an undue burden‚Ä®
On the rights of the US arms manufactures
To sell their guns 
everywhere in the world


As everyone wants what we have to sell

The best weapons in the world
Instead of trying to limit the damage


That unrestricted gun sales

Have done to the U.S.
Our President, our great leader‚Ä®
Wants to sell more guns‚Ä®
Everywhere in the world

And there are eager buyers

Lining up around the world

Eager to buy the best guns‚Ä®
The world has ever seen

We want to export‚Ä®
The gun madness‚Ä®
That has infected our society


Leaving behind so many dead bodies
The dead were not consulted‚Ä®
For they remain dead


They do not vote
They have no voice
For the guns silenced them

For good‚Ä® just as the guns intended

Just doing their gun thing after all

Humanity has evolved
From stones to arrows
To guns
T o nuclear, biological weapons

And the U.S.‚Ä® While proclaiming itself
A champion of Human Rights

Remains nothing 
but a country 
Of gun runners
 Merchants of death
And destruction
NRA Please Stop Talking

Another day
Another mass shooting‚Ä®
Another incident
of domestic terrorism‚Ä®

another gun man
killing people
because just because‚Ä® he can
and he wants to **** people

The NRA 
And their stooges

Come out

Flood the airways
With their noxious
Poisonous weasel words‚Ä®

The NRA says
Mass shootings‚Ä®
Are like the weather‚Ä®
You can’t control them
You can’t predict them

And you can’t prevent them

Just have to accept

It is all god’s will

Guns don’t **** people
IF guns were outlawed‚Ä®
Only outlaws‚Ä® would have guns

Only solution 
Is more guns

For everyone‚Ä®
An armed society
they say 
Is a polite society


Support for gun control
I is
socialist/communist/fascist/anti-Am  erican/anti-Christian nonsense
The beginning of tyranny‚Ä®

If only the Jews had guns

The holocaust would not have happened

Jesus would want us all
 
to be armed 
with machine guns
To protect us against the evil doers‚Ä®
It is the Christian thing to do‚Ä®

To blow away evil doers
With heavy arms‚Ä®

In America
Land of the free‚Ä®
Home of the brave
We can’t do anything


At all
About the mass carnage‚Ä®
Unleashed by madmen with guns‚Ä®
Who walk among us‚Ä®
Searching for their next victims
Any restriction of the right‚Ä®

To bear arms‚Ä®
Is tyranny at its worst
The nanny state run amuck

Talking about gun control

After a tragic event
Is

just not the appropriate time‚Ä®
We only need prayers‚Ä®
and meaningless thoughts

Universal background checks‚Ä®
Too onerous
Registering guns‚Ä®
Too burdensome

Researching gun violence‚Ä®
waste of tax payer money
banning military style assault weapons
r

Restricts my right 
to blow 
away

Bambi the deer
with a M16

the NRA will keep talking

talking and talking

preventing anything

from being done

and we will have another

Mass shooting event

Before the day is out

So my plead‚Ä®
This day
To the NRA
A
and their stoogies‚Ä®
Talk is cheap‚Ä®
Your comments
Are not helping

If you can’t

Be a part of the solution
Just stop talking

Please stop talking


And let the rest
Of us  figure out

How to stop

The madness in the streets
And stop the carnage‚Ä®

So NRA

Please
 just
 stop
 talking
 Now

military assault weapons 
are locked up

yet in America‚Ä®
the land of the free‚Ä®
home of the brave
 
everyone and his cousin‚Ä®
must have their gun

guns for everyone‚Ä®
cries the NRA‚Ä®
that’s the solution

The president
a 
and his supporters

deny the obvious
guns **** people
That’s all they do


it is a gun thing

you would not understand
Guns just do
what guns gonna do
**** people

Mr. President‚Ä®
You can take your words‚Ä®
your empty platitudes
Your empty promises
Your prayers 

straight to hell‚Ä®
and back

where with any luck

Satan will use you

as target practice
Chief of Staff You are Absurd

the President’s chief of staff
said the other day‚Ä®
it was absurd

to suggest that the president’s words

had anything to do‚Ä®
with recent mass shootings

yet is it absurd‚Ä®
to see the lengths

to which the President’s supporters
will twist and turn‚Ä®
spinning awa
y
the inconvenient truth
President Trump 
is a racist bigot con man

who some how
 conned his way

to become President
he call immigrants criminals, vermin, animals

invaders infesting the country
the El Paseo shooter 

said that he went to the border

to shoot the invaders

and said‚Ä® that he was a big Trump fan
it is not absurd‚Ä® to connect these two huge dots
The President’s words
 
have real world consequences

Yes Mr. Trump is a racist pig
a
and his supporters‚Ä® are being absurd

to suggest otherwise

 
36
 Jake Aller


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Jake Aller
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https://theworldaccordingtocosmos.com

John (Jake) Cosmos Aller

Novelist, Poet, Foreign Service Officer 

Tel: 703-436-1402
Email: authorjakecosmosaller@gmail.com

John (‚ÄúJake‚ÄĚ ) Cosmos Aller is a novelist, poet and former Foreign Service officer having served 27 years with the U.S. State Department in ten countries - Antigua, Barbados, Dominica, Grenada,¬† Korea, India, St Kitts, St Lucia,¬† St Vincent, Spain and Thailand. and traveled to 45 countries during his career.¬† Jake has been an aspiring novelist for several years and has completed two novels, (Giant **** Spiders, and the Great Divorce) and is pursuing publication.¬† He has been writing poetry all his life and has published his poetry in electronic poetry forums, including All Poetry, Moon Caf√© and Duane‚Äôs Poetree. (under the name Jake Lee).¬† He is looking forward to transitioning to his third career ‚Äď full-time novelist and poet after completing his second career as a Foreign Service officer, and his first career as an educator overseas for six years upon completion of his Peace Corps service in South Korea.¬†



He served in a wide variety of positions running from Consular management, Fraud investigation and managing the consular overseas computer support desk, to economic and political reporting positions, international labor diplomacy, commercial diplomacy - promoting American business overseas- international organization diplomacy serving as the deputy permanent representative to the Economic and Social Commission for Asia and the Pacific, to management positions including program management, evaluation and contracting management, and environmental and science diplomacy including promoting renewable energy solutions.  He taught courses at the Foreign Service Institute and overseas in Bangladesh, India, Nepal and Kathmandu on consular fraud and consular Systems issues.

Senior program evaluator overseeing the implementation of the Department's evaluation program enabling the Department to develop a robust program evaluation system.
Coordinated training program training over 200 people in three years
Launched community of practice (CoP) web page (word press) with over 300 participants, greatly expanding the ability of State program evaluators to conduct program evaluations.  
Conducted meta-evaluation of completed foreign assistance evaluations insuring that the Department’s evaluations provided critical program improvement data.

Deputy Political Economic chief, - Bridgetown, Barbados 

Served as the deputy political economic chief covering political, economic, labor , environment and science and commercial diplomacy efforts in the Eastern Caribbean. 
Received labor officer of the year award for work in setting up regional training programs in occupational safety issues, and meeting with labor leaders in all seven countries greatly expanding our labor diplomacy outreach; 
Initiated two American Chambers of Commerce organizations, 
Conducted fund raising in support of  Embassy’s July fourth celebrations, the first time held in multiple countries, raising $100,000 over a three year period; 
Conducted training programs in all seven countries demonstrating to hundreds of locals on how to access U.S. Government  export financing programs . 
. 
CA/FPP Deputy Training Team Coordinator ‚Äď Washington, DC,
Taught consular fraud prevention courses at the Foreign Service Institute, and in Bangladesh, India, Nepal, Pakistan, greatly increasing knowledge and skills in fraud detection. 
Launched Lexus Nexus public record database access for consular officers worldwide, therefore dramatically improving consular fraud prevention efforts, 
Initiated first interagency Fraud Working Group coordinating fraud efforts among Departments of Homeland Security, State, and Labor.  
Received Cash Award.
Deputy Consular Chief, - Mumbai, India
Oversaw American citizen services, immigration visas in fifth largest operation in the world and fraud prevention programs greatly improving management of each.  
Supervised and mentored 15 junior officers and 50 local staff resulting in each unit receiving group cash awards. 
Received two cash Meritorious Honor awards for my work helping American citizens facing crises including helping American citizens whose family members died in India, or were arrested. 
Organized task force that dealt with aftermath of worst earthquake in 50 years.  

Read more ‚Üí
8 stories ‚ÄĘ 1 lists ‚ÄĘ 1 lists ‚ÄĘ 5 groups

My Poems (224)AutorankLinks
I don't get it
I don’t Get It
 

Mr. Speaker

I admit I don’t get it

How does praye

Stop gun violence?

Prayer did not work in Texas.

26 people were murdered
 while praying.
God if he exists

Obviously does not care

About the poor people‚Ä®
Who died in his church

Because a mad man‚Ä®
Got a gun
And no they were not praying

To be delivered from death

No one deserves to die like this

So my prayer to you‚Ä®
Is simply this
Get off your rear end

Rally the country
And do something‚Ä®

About gun violence
That’s a prayer
I hope works
© 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
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Dear Speaker Ryan

Dear Speaker Ryan
I want to tell you something‚Ä®
The dead don’t want your prayers

The dead don’t care that you pray for them

They are dead after all


And you and your so-called Christians‚Ä®
Are to blame‚Ä®
You refuse to do anything

Anything at all
to stop the carnage
In our streets

The U.S. is flooded with guns‚Ä®
And more are sold every day
Millions of people don’t have health coverage

Millions are barely surviving
And your answer‚Ä®

Our dear great compassionate Speaker
Your answer
 
Is Prayer works

Government action does not

You act as if the gun violence

Plaguing our country

Was like the weather

Beyond our control

So here’s my prayer for you

And your colleagues
When you die

I pray that God

Will send you
And your friends

Straight to hell
Where Satan and his demons

Will use you for target practice

That’s my prayer to you

And as you know
Prayer works
 
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
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It’s a Gun Situation, Mr. President

Mr. President
You are wrong once again

You said that the tragic events 
in Texas‚Ä®And Las Vegas were not ‚Äúgun situations‚ÄĚ‚Ä®
But rather were mental health problems
And that in Texas
if there had been no gun controls
Perhaps fewer people would have died

Mr. President‚Ä®
I know you a smart man‚Ä®
The smartest man in the world‚Ä®

According to you
So please contemplate this fact‚Ä®
According to the latest findings

It is a gun situation

In fact, the reason the U.S.‚Ä®
Has so many gun deaths 

Is because we have so many guns

45% of the worlds guns in fact
And 33 percent of the world’s shooters

Are Americans killing other Americans
And most of them 

the majority of them‚Ä®
Are White men killing other people
Not Islamic terrorists‚Ä®

Most are in fact‚Ä®
Self-proclaimed Christians
So Mr. President‚Ä®
When will you come to your senses
And do what 90 percent of the public wants‚Ä®

Enact nation wide effective gun controls?
And tell the NRA
 
they can take their blood money elsewhere

When Mr. President‚Ä®
When will you act‚Ä®
When will you take charge
And become a President of the people
Instead of the President of the NRA?
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (0)  0   


‚Üź Previous1¬†2¬†345‚Ķ75Next ‚Üí
Virginia Beach Massacre Never Again
Virgina Beach 
‚Ä®
In a night of horrific scumbagery violence‚Ä®
Rarely seen in this jaded age of ours‚Ä®
Gone in one hour
In a spasm of horrific scumbagery violence
I
In just a few short minutes‚Ä®

Nothing more than that
 
In just a few moments‚Ä®
All 12 victims were murdered
By a disgruntled employee‚Ä®

Every one he knew was shot‚Ä®
And killed for no reason
Caused by the demons‚Ä®
His soul was so infected

Murderous demonic voices‚Ä®
All in his head‚Ä®
Screaming **** them all 
**** them all‚Ä®

Screaming none stop violence in his head‚Ä®
All the time
Causing him to start shooting 
everyone he saw‚Ä®

Regardless of who they were 
or where they were‚Ä®
Everyone must die 
screamed the demonic voices in his head
No one can be left alive‚Ä®

Everyone must die‚Ä®
Virtually all must die 
in his internal video game‚Ä®
Everyone must die


Regardless of who they were 
or where they were
Again just another day‚Ä®
Gone horribly wrong‚Ä®

All across America
In
every town‚Ä®
No where is safe anymore
Virgina Beach massacre

Virgina Beach massacre‚Ä®
Just another
Average night in America‚Ä®
An Active Shooter
scumbagery violence

Rarely seen

in this jaded wild world
Gone in one hour
In a spasm of horrific
scumbagery
In just a less than 30 short minutes‚Ä®
Nothing more than
In just a few short 30 moments‚Ä®
All the victims

were murdered while at their daily 
work
wrong place wrong time
act of a demotic deranged madman‚Ä®
voices screaming ****
The voices scream
death to all humans‚Ä®

All must be killed
The voices scream over and over

All must die now

Just another night in America
Land of the Free

Home of the free
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (0)  0   

More Guns for Everyone

More Guns for Everyone in the World

The NRA has decided‚Ä®
That the best solution to global problem

Of rampant violence and crime everywhere
Is for the rest of the world‚Ä®

To become like the U.S.

Where anyone can buy a gun

As an armed society is a polite society’

And so the President i
s about to announce‚Ä®
A global campaign against gun control restrictions‚Ä®

As these restrictions
are an undue burden‚Ä®
On the rights of the US arms manufactures
To sell their guns 
everywhere in the world


As everyone wants what we have to sell

The best weapons in the world
Instead of trying to limit the damage


That unrestricted gun sales

Have done to the U.S.
Our President, our great leader‚Ä®
Wants to sell more guns‚Ä®
Everywhere in the world

And there are eager buyers

Lining up around the world

Eager to buy the best guns‚Ä®
The world has ever seen

We want to export‚Ä®
The gun madness‚Ä®
That has infected our society


Leaving behind so many dead bodies
The dead were not consulted‚Ä®
For they remain dead


They do not vote
T
hey have no voice
For the guns silenced 
them
For good‚Ä® just as the guns intended‚Ä®

Just doing their gun thing after all
Humanity has evolved

From stones to arrows

To guns
T o nuclear, biological weapons

And the U.S.‚Ä® While proclaiming itself‚Ä®
A champion of Human Rights
Remains nothing 

but a country
 
Of gun runners‚Ä® Merchants of death

And destruction
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (0)  0   

NRA Quit Talking

NRA Please Stop Talking

Another day
Another mass shooting‚Ä®
Another incident
of domestic terrorism‚Ä®

another gun man
killing people
because just because‚Ä® he can
and he wants to **** people

The NRA 
And their stooges

Come out

Flood the airways
With their noxious
Poisonous weasel words‚Ä®

The NRA says
Mass shootings‚Ä®
Are like the weather‚Ä®
You can’t control them
You can’t predict them

And you can’t prevent them

Just have to accept

It is all god’s will

Guns don’t **** people
IF guns were outlawed‚Ä®
Only outlaws‚Ä® would have guns

Only solution 
Is more guns

For everyone‚Ä®
An armed society
they say 
Is a polite society


Support for gun control
I is
socialist/communist/fascist/anti-Am  erican/anti-Christian nonsense
The beginning of tyranny‚Ä®

If only the Jews had guns

The holocaust would not have happened

Jesus would want us all
 
to be armed 
with machine guns
To protect us against the evil doers‚Ä®
It is the Christian thing to do‚Ä®

To blow away evil doers
With heavy arms‚Ä®

In America
Land of the free‚Ä®
Home of the brave
We can’t do anything


At all
About the mass carnage‚Ä®
Unleashed by madmen with guns‚Ä®
Who walk among us‚Ä®
Searching for their next victims
Any restriction of the right‚Ä®

To bear arms‚Ä®
Is tyranny at its worst
The nanny state run amuck

Talking about gun control

After a tragic event
Is

just not the appropriate time‚Ä®
We only need prayers‚Ä®
and meaningless thoughts

Universal background checks‚Ä®
Too onerous
Registering guns‚Ä®
Too burdensome

Researching gun violence‚Ä®
waste of tax payer money
banning military style assault weapons
r

Restricts my right 
to blow 
away

Bambi the deer
with a M16

the NRA will keep talking

talking and talking

preventing anything

from being done

and we will have another

Mass shooting event

Before the day is out

So my plead‚Ä®
This day
To the NRA
A
and their stoogies‚Ä®
Talk is cheap‚Ä®
Your comments
Are not helping

If you can’t

Be a part of the solution
Just stop talking

Please stop talking


And let the rest
Of us  figure out

How to stop

The madness in the streets
And stop the carnage‚Ä®

So NRA

Please
 just
 stop
 talking
 Now
another gun stop © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (0)  0   


‚Üź Previous12¬†3¬†456‚Ķ75Next ‚Üí
guns **** People
Guns **** people
g
Guns do **** people
it is not mental illness

it is not video games
it is not a million other things

it is simply this
a gun is a weapon‚Ä®
a weapon designed to **** people

That is what guns do
guns don’t care

they do as they are told
If you pull the trigger
t
They will **** the victim

that is what guns do‚Ä®
that is why 
in a civilized society

military assault weapons 
are locked up

yet in America‚Ä®
the land of the free‚Ä®
home of the brave
 
everyone and his cousin‚Ä®
must have their gun

guns for everyone‚Ä®
cries the NRA‚Ä®
that’s the solution

The president
a 
and his supporters

deny the obvious
guns **** people
That’s all they do


it is a gun thing

you would not understand
Guns just do
what guns gonna do
**** people

Mr. President‚Ä®
You can take your words‚Ä®
your empty platitudes
Your empty promises
Your prayers 

straight to hell‚Ä®
and back

where with any luck

Satan will use you

as target practice
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (0)  0   

Chief of Staff You are Absurd

the President’s chief of staff
said the other day‚Ä®
it was absurd

to suggest that the president’s words

had anything to do‚Ä®
with recent mass shootings

yet is it absurd‚Ä®
to see the lengths

to which the President’s supporters
will twist and turn‚Ä®
spinning awa
y
the inconvenient truth
President Trump 
is a racist bigot con man

who some how
 conned his way

to become President
he call immigrants criminals, vermin, animals

invaders infesting the country
the El Paseo shooter 

said that he went to the border

to shoot the invaders

and said‚Ä® that he was a big Trump fan
it is not absurd‚Ä® to connect these two huge dots
The President’s words
 
have real world consequences

Yes Mr. Trump is a racist pig
a
and his supporters‚Ä® are being absurd

to suggest otherwise
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (1)  1   

Mr. President Words Matter

Mr. President Words Matter

Mr President

Words matter

your words matter

your words of hate

your words of division
your words 
calling fellow human beings 
****, vermin,

invaders, animals 
matter

they matter a lot

and is it little wonder

that people listen 

to the hate you sprew forth

and some deranged people

take action 
on your call 
for action
against the invaders 

on the border


they march to the border‚Ä®
to **** the invaders
your words matter‚Ä®
Mr. President


and your false words
of regret
fool no one‚Ä®
the damage has been done

the hate has been spread

just as you intended

and you 
have the gall 

to call yourself
A Christian
you are the anti-Christ

you are not a Christian

so please quite pretending

to be what you are not

please man up

accept your responsibility

set things right

apologize

the dead though

don’t need your prayers

they need action

they need leadership

and you are the president

so please start acting

like you give a ****

and if you do so

perhaps 
you will find

people will follow you
but please
 quite the words 
of hate


the words that hurt
and quit calling immigrants
 invaders 
and vermin
 

they are human beings

they are deserving of respect
this I ask of you 
In Jesus’s name
even though I am not a Christian
another day, another shooting

Another Day Another Shooting
another day in paradise
just another day in Americal
Land of the free
Home of the brave

and gunshots,
lots of gunshots
more guns for all
cries the NRA

yes another day
another gun battle
another white man
who just wants to ****

the President sends his condolences
Thanks the law enforcement 
for an incredible job well done
It was horrible

Hate has no place
in our country
and we will take of it 

and do what ever we can do
condolences 
nothing but false words
empty words 

lots of things to do
it is mental illness problem

but he fails to mention
the words gun at al
not at all
and tomorrow and tomorrow‚Ä®
but he at least finally 
said 
hate has no role in country
nothing but prime BS
in my humble opinion

he did not mention 
white supremacy
his rhetoric had nothing
nothing to do 
about this at all

and so tomorrow
I will turn on the TV
and we see
nothing at all

and the dead
will remain dead
the guns will fire again

nothing will be done
welcome to America
land of the free
home of the brave
poems about gun violence
Patrick Austin Sep 2018
Our Backgrounds before we met...

I'm an only child born in Montana in 1983, from a divided home. Parents divorced at seven, Mom was unstable and unfaithful. Dad obtained custody of me and we moved to Oregon Coast to live with my Grandma. I had unhealthy visits and relationship with Mom thereafter. My Grandma died at 12 and at 13 my Dad remarried an alcoholic woman, I had a strained relationship with them until adulthood when she stopped drinking. I had exposure to trauma; alcoholism, mental illness, verbal abuse and juvenile troubles. I rebelled by using drugs in my late teens and early twenties, I lived on my own for a few years after high school but had little direction.

My bride is the eldest with two little brothers, parents stayed in same area of Portland during childhood with lots of family support and her parents stayed married. They had Christian values but some anger and anxiety issues at home. She was sexually assaulted at 17 and never had good closure with this. She told me her parents didn't provide her enough help with things like this growing up. Status quo was the backbone of the family dynamic, challenging emotions were discouraged. She rebelled by being reckless with herself, financially and sexually. She decided to join the Navy at 19. She lived alone briefly, but mostly with Grandparents & Parents before our marriage.

I loved how we both grew up reading Archie comics. No other girl I had ever met had that in common with me. I think we wanted a surreal life like the one in Riverdale.

2002

She and I were 19 when we first met in my home town on the coast at an arcade. We became friends and secretly liked each other. I was too nervous to ever make a move on her. We traveled together, she stayed with me, we used drugs together and drank at times. One night she drank too much and had *** with a guy I knew at a party. I was devastated by this. She was Navy bound and I didn't see a real future for us. The next morning she left and I didn't talk to her again for two years. I figured she would be gone with the Navy soon and that she must not have been interested in a relationship with me despite the time we spent together.

2003

I was depressed about this rejection. I dated an older woman who was interested in me but was no substitute. I eventually moved to the Portland area to work and live. I still had few plans and was lonely, in or out of the few brief relationships I attempted. I never found someone that I felt safe with or had a true connection, let alone true love. She ended up not following through with the Navy and continued working her way up in her job at the call center. She attended community college and dated a few guys. She dated one guy for a couple of years who was not a good match for her but stayed with him off and on despite issues. His family was wealthy and treated her well. He slept around on her as did she. At one point he gave her an STD. She also had an ongoing affair with a married man in the military that she went to high school with. He had a child and a wife with mental health issues. She was still hurting a lot at times and not always doing well.

2004

She reached out to me via email after two years of no contact. We emailed back and forth a couple times over the next few months. We talked about meeting up. We spoke on the phone and eventually met up in Portland. We had an amazing night getting to know each other again and work past the confusion of our earlier days of friendship. I realized that she did in fact like me before but since I was timid and trying to be proper and take things slowly she didn't understand my motives. She apologized for her actions at the party as well. She claimed she was in a really messed up place and was making bad choices at that time. Getting our feelings out in the open was good and she appreciated my attitude towards being slow to make moves on her when we first met. I was worried about falling for her based on our history but eventually I was determined to give it a shot. We soon after starting dating and being intimate. Our love was extremely powerful and beyond all others we had both experienced. She broke ties with other suitors and shortly after we talked about marriage and started planning a wedding for the next year.

I remember when we first held hands. We were so shakey and she was quivering on my couch as I had my arm around her. We felt so safe with each other. We could finally be ourselves and do what our hearts desired. We knew we were on to something new and so amazing. We were so patient with each other as we navigated our new love and emotional thresholds.

I remember when we saw Matisyahu in concert together. That was a once in a lifetime experience and a life-changing moment for us. I feel it set the tone for things to come in our future.

I remember how creative my proposal to her was, in the Arcade where we first met. I hid the ring in a prize container from one of those claw machines. Pretending I got the ring from inside by reaching into the machine on one knee I was so nervous and wasn't sure if I could pull it off before she caught on. She looked so shocked and surprised. I was so excited she said yes! We took pictures in the photo machine and had burgers afterwards, I'd do all of it all over again just to see her face in that moment.

2005

We found an apartment for us in Portland. I moved in while she was still living back with her parents until the wedding. She had to change her number because the married man she was previously involved with kept calling her about changing her mind about marriage and continuing their relationship. She was offered a job in Denver and we decided to move away together after our sandy wedding in Cannon Beach. I still had a very hard time and was embarrassed with my past history with her. Many of my friends knew what had happened at 19 and how much it hurt me but I was so crazy about her I think I tried to pretend it didn't happen or that it was not a big deal because we were younger. We got married and moved to Colorado soon after. We made friends at a church, I became more active as a Christian and really loved being married. We were very involved in keeping spirituality in our marriage. I began to notice her poor financial decisions and practices more. This caused conflict but we always tried to communicate and work on things.

I remember when we went down to my folks for New Year's in 2005. We sipped tea in my Datsun as we drove to the coast over the snowy mountain pass. We told them of our engagement. We were all so blissful and excited. We never knew what was to come. We didn't even know about the opportunity in Denver yet. Our story is amazing!

I remember when I wanted to go see her in Portland and the roads were iced over. I left my car at a park and ride before I caused a wreck. I took the light rail across town then rode a bus to the Eastside shopping mall. The bus to her house was not running because it wasn't safe so I walked the rest of the 4 Miles sometimes having to crawl on my hands and knees to make it up hills in the ice and then I finally made it only to just spend a couple hours with her and fall asleep on her parents couch. Her Dad drove us back the next morning to my car so I could get to work. It was all worth it just to see her for that little extra time. I would have done anything for her.

I remember when she was interviewing for the new position in Denver? I drove all over Portland trying to find little toy cars to help with her illustration about how a team is like a car having all four wheels and how they work together to accomplish a goal. I was so proud of her for giving it her all and succeeding at earning that position. Now that I think of it, that car analogy applies to our family and us. We all need each other to be better and keep on track and be a team. I am so motivated by that and our boys. I lose my way without that and I want to be her reflection and motivation as she has been that for me. I truly thought we brought out the best in each other when we were together.

I remember when we were given tickets to see Fiona Apple. That was so spontaneous and a great way to kick off our time in Denver together. We always used to watch our same movies over and over again. Like the Friends DVDs and White Christmas every winter break and The Wedding Singer. We walked everywhere and lived simply. "I wanna be the guy, who grows old with you"

I remember in our first Denver apartment when we took baths together in our claw foot tub in the big bathroom. We put a board over the top and played cards. I liked playing Uno with her in bed too. She was so funny being slightly color blind and in the dark, mixing up the greens and blues. We played Uno in Breckenridge too at that cool bed and breakfast in the fall.

2006

We had continued fun and adventure in our new home of Denver. She was doing well as a trainer for the bank and I started working in health foods. We went camping in New Mexico a couple times with friends and we both took individual trips to Oregon as well as one together for her uncle's wedding. We had marital spats on occasion but always bounced back. The issues we had seemed like part of a normal marriage and were far better than what I had grown up around. I realized that marriage was a lot of work but I was up for the task. She occasionally became aggressive throwing things at me or breaking things during conflict.  I believed I was the problem and tried to change for her in many ways. With two incomes we still had trouble making our bills at times. She had debts that I never knew about that started to catch up with us but I took care of getting them settled and we paid off her car and traded it for an older Volvo Wagon that we both loved, I even had it repainted her favorite color for a birthday gift. Overall things seemed like they were progressing in a positive way.

I remember when we saw Midnight in concert in Boulder. That was the peak of our hippy days. We were alive with pleasure in our healthy vegetarian diets and practices living in a time and place like no other. I want to be like that again. Reggae was our music. We had much in common.

2007

We really fell into our roles in our marriage and the community; church and culture, friends etc. Things seemed very balanced and appropriate for us at that time and that age (24-25). We had separate bank accounts and jobs. I had money in savings. We started the process of buying a house so we could invest in something. She became pregnant shortly after. I embraced the challenge with positive energy but we were both in for a big change. We started having more fights. I didn't have many friends and would write to old friends via social media just so I could to catch up and tell them things were going great with being married to make myself feel better than I actually did. She hated the dawn of social media and also felt isolated I'm sure. She felt I should be doing more for her and I didn't know how to do what she needed but I failed to ask a lot of the time. After one argument, she left the house. My instinct told me to look at ******* and ******* as a retaliation. I had not done this much once we were married because she always met my needs but when things were difficult between us I felt more emotionally isolated. She walked in and realized what I had been doing. She was very upset, and because she was pregnant, thought I was not attracted to her. The truth is I found her even more beautiful and in fact when I looked at ******* I tried to look at women I found less attractive than her so that I feel good about what I have. I mostly fantasized about how these women were more submissive and loving than her. That is the part I needed to feel good about and feel better about myself with because I felt very dominated and controlled. She has never forgiven me for this and I will never stop feeling sorry to her for my brokenness. During one particular argument that year she was getting close to being violent towards me again and I pushed her away on the chest with my fingertips. She got very mad and said I hurt her. I immediately felt terrible and apologized. I never let something like that happen again. I have always avoided violence towards others especially women and of course her. I was defenseless against physical and emotional abuse.

2008

Our eldest son was born at the beginning of the year, it was a traumatic birth for everyone. We wanted a natural birth with a midwife but we were transferred to a hospital and she ended up having an emergency C-section, nothing went as planned. We had a really hard time coping with the emotions of this experience. A lot of buried feelings and trauma from both of us started coming out. We moved a month later into our new home outside of town. No more walking or biking to places, we had to drive everywhere. This house was next to our friends from church. We thought this would make us feel less isolated but we didn’t really have the community with them that we had hoped for. They were upset that they didn't have a child of their own yet and being around us might have been hard for them. My wife stopped working and stayed home with our son. All these changes made for a very difficult time. I did my best to support them but this was the first time we shared a bank account and needed to follow a budget more than ever before. We had no debt at the beginning of the year with money in savings but then the hospital bills put us down about $7,000 and rising with new home and moving expenses and baby needs. My job could barely keep up. She and I had a hard time adjusting. We could not afford to travel home to Oregon and visit family as much and we felt more and more isolated. She started showing me more signs of instability, locking herself in the bathroom with kitchen knives and scraping her legs which continued off and on for years to come. Talks of divorce and suicide threats seemed to happen more than before. I felt responsible and tried to fix her ever changing issues with me.

I remember when herr ******* were full and swollen with milk. It is so beautiful the way she could feed our babies. I wanted her in every way, our bodies belonged to each other. I was there for her and our shared pleasure. I loved it when she told me that she was mine in the heat of passion. This spark could only be a bandage for so long but I didn't know that yet.

2009

I tried to promote within my company but was not selected, they were cutting budgets and employment all around me. I felt worried about our future. I had always thought the military might be a good opportunity and could move us closer to family back home. My father-in-law encouraged me to look into the Coast Guard. I felt this would be a good way to get moved closer to Oregon.  I ended up joining the Navy because we found out we were pregnant again with our second son and that was the only way I could join a military branch. She worked off and on as a nanny and later in the year at a coffee house working nights. We barely spent time together and when we did it was a lot of hard conversations or arguments about finances with making up intimately in the middle of the night between times of caring for the baby. She once scratched my neck with her fingernails during an argument. People I worked with noticed. It was a hard time and we knew change was on the horizon with jobs and moving. We did visit Oregon that summer though and had a great vacation at the beach with a borrowed 4x4 and staying at a hotel and picnicking out of a cooler as well as going to her brothers wedding. I was 26 and about to join the Navy to provide better for my family at all costs sacrificing myself for their benefit because I would have rather died than look like I didn't try my best for them.

I remember when our babies would kick and move around inside her belly. I loved laying by her and feeling her tummy. I would hum to the baby and hear them move and squirm. I loved giving our boys baths when they were babies too. We had our little bundles of our love, wrapped in a towel in our hands, so tiny and vulnerable. I miss those days and want to remember them with her, aside from this state of melancholy.

2010

The Navy recruiters would only take me if we rented out our home and had her stay with family during boot camp and training. We moved to a furnished apartment in Denver and put our things in storage. She was 5 months pregnant and our eldest was two. I shortly after was let go from my job. Our second son was born in April. I got a contract with the Navy at the last minute but didn't leave until August. We sold our beloved vehicles and lived off retirement funds for six months and moved down to Florida where her parents had just moved out of the blue for work, to stay with them until I left for boot camp. I applied for temporary work in Florida at a dozen places but had no luck in my three months there. I took care of our eldest a lot while she took care of the new baby. Being in Florida was a culture shock for us but we had our moments of romance and made the best of it. Eventually I left for boot camp in August. It was really hard and sad to be gone. She stayed in Florida and came to visit me with the baby at boot camp graduation in October. I then went to Connecticut for five months of training. It was also hard but at least I could call home every day and be in the same time zone. I visited Florida during the winter break and saw my boys and her. We went to Disney world and had a great time on her parents. We also made a romantic home movie I could enjoy while away from her. I flew back to Connecticut and tried to make the best of things. My roommate was very abusive of substances and I resisted the temptation for a long time but the threat of being submarine service bound and missing my family pushed me to drinking every weekend and getting messed up to escape before I left.

I remember when we drove to Key Largo, Florida and stopped at a crazy bird wildlife center. I remember our oldest was so amazed hearing a bird say hello back to us. It was so foreign and fun there. I am glad we all shared that experience together.

I remember our trip to the citrus grove in Florida. That was such a great day for our family. I always look back on that with really fond sentiment. I felt like I was in a beautiful family music video with them.

2011

I finished Submarine Training and got orders back to the Northwest. The plan was all coming together. I arrived first and bought a car and got our items moved from storage in Denver to our townhouse rental in Washington. She and the boys joined me a month later. I didn't report to my Sub for another month as they were at sea. She became pregnant again with our third son right after arriving. We had just bought a small car and were not planning on another child. Towards the end of the year I was working a lot and having a really hard time, being bullied and treated poorly at work plus our financial situation was still very difficult. Adjusting to the military was hard among younger men being 28. I dreaded each day in that environment but I tried to endure it for my family. I went to sea for a couple months at the end of the year stopping in Hawaii and California. During this time She reached out to her ex married affair partner after six years of no contact. She didn't tell me until later. She said she needed closure with him, we were not in counseling yet but she decided this was appropriate. I flew home early from sea and wanted to surprise her. The stress and trauma of this quick transition home after being to sea for the first time (which was also traumatic) made me want to drink and get messed up before flying. I arrived home and surprised her but I seemed off to her which I was but didn’t explain why, I have never done that since. I got to be home for two months almost work free while we celebrated the holidays and prepared for the new baby to be born. She started getting more involved with a church and building a community for us which was great. Our financial struggles almost led us to foreclosure of our home back in Colorado but by the grace of God we got it sold with a short sale just in time.

I remember when I came back from Hawaii and brought her a beaded necklace and she wore it naked with her big beautiful pregnant goddess belly and we made passionate hippy love together. I want to grow out my beard again and spend my life making hippy love and feeling free again.

2012

Our third son was born in January. It was a very positive birth experience and much less stressful than the other two. Shortly after I flew out to finish the other half of the deployment I had missed. I really focused on being positive and spiritually connected by reading my Bible at sea which was helpful. I called her when I arrived in Japan halfway through being gone. She was upset because she tested positive for an STD while trying to get on birth control. I became suspicious of her yet she was suspicious of me. We both got tested again and I was clean, she told me she had a false positive after all. This put a big strain on our trust, especially being so far away. This forced us to be honest with each other about some things such as her contact with her ex lover and my drinking to cope. We were both very upset until I returned home and we could start some counseling to work through things. Forgiveness seemed to be difficult for us. It brought up hurts of the past when we were 19. She also had severe postpartum depression that became worse after each birth. I was still having a hard time with work and the submarine environment. Our church friends tried to counsel us but it was not the most helpful. My submarine was scheduled for extended repairs and not going to sea for three years, I would be transferred before the end of that period. I used this time to bond with her and my boys. I wanted to get better involved in our community and do volunteer work and side jobs to earn extra money. Our boys were all given diagnosis's for autism which begun to fill our lives with appointments and challenges for years to come but we were a good team in dealing with all of it. It gave us something to work together on but took our focus away from working on our own personal issues and relationship with each other as much as we should have.

2013

We had new years with both sides of our family in a snowy mountain setting in Oregon. It looked like it was going to be a great year until her Grandpa passed away suddenly. It ripped our entire family apart but especially her. He kept the family grounded and she was very close to him, he really loved all of us. She and I started going on dates again because we had Navy sponsored child care. It was the beginning of a really good thing for us. Tragically one night after a date we were dancing with the boys on the patio and I tried to pick her up and I lost my balance and fell on her, breaking her collar bone severely. She needed surgery and was very mad at me for years to come. She has a scar, a metal plate and numbness in her chest. We worked through it with our community from church but she still is very mad at me. I feel more terrible about this incident than she could ever know. I would lose a finger in place of that incident if I could. I continued having a really hard time in the Navy and I didn't want to stay in but She insisted our boys needed care only the Navy could offer. She also said she would divorce me if I ever left the Navy. I took this threat seriously even though she assured me later that she would never actually do that. Against my own convictions I reenlisted because I wanted to do the best thing for my family. We moved into base housing at the end of summer and didn’t go out to do things as much anymore. The house was nice but it ****** us in, we also had less community with people around our home. I started volunteering at church more and doing work with special needs people. I felt like I was doing good things and that I had purpose all around. I think she appreciated this about me.

2014

We started seeing a professional counselor together and individually. It became a regular event. I worked on myself and she worked on herself. I had a lot of issues with my Mom and eventually broke off communication with her for my own well-being and the betterment of my family. I got past a lot of the bad feelings I had. She worked on her traumatic experiences and our relationship dynamics. Just when things were going well I got a new boss who made things hard for me and others at work and I started messing up more. I got in trouble for messing up a job at work and was given strike one on my record. She lost respect for me as a provider but I tried to stay strong showing her that I would continue to do my best.

I remember when we had an appointment in Tacoma and we had a brunch date together afterwards. She looked so beautiful that day, I took her picture and was so proud to enjoy  huevos rancheros and momosas with her. I remember going to the Tacoma Art Museum seeing the Georgia O’Keefe exhibit, we have a great time together doing new things and feeding each other's interests. I loved laughing with her too, sometimes we just bust up like nobody's around. I loved the sound of her laughter. I loved watching Portlandia with her, it is so funny to remember the funny place where we became close and be able to relate together.

2015

I kept working hard and being involved with family and appointments for my boys and her. I still maintained my volunteer work and part time side jobs. I got strike two with the Navy for messing up again... I had just gained orders to leave the sub for local shore duty. I could not get out of the extended repair situation soon enough. She was very disappointed in me and not so understanding. I worked through this situation with our counselor as did she. He always told her I am a good man and that I do a lot for her and the boys. It's true, I care more than anything about them, I made mistakes and I feel bad especially when I cause my family stress. I left for shore duty in April. It was a hard time adjusting to the new routine but eventually we seemed to make it work. That summer we took a trip to visit Texas where her parents had just moved from Florida. We spent a great night together for our 10th anniversary in a hotel in Texas and went dancing. We had a lot more time together as my work schedule was less. The more people we had in our home working with our kids on issues the less useful my input seemed. I was not included as much in making family decisions because they all seemed to happen while I was at work, despite my objections. We tried to get our budget under control but she still had anxiety discussing spending. She continued to struggle with depression and was put on medication because she had still been harming herself. She was put on Prozac daily and anti anxiety medication as needed. He family members were not very supportive of medication which upset her but I always tried to be supportive in seeking help and continued care for both of us.

2016

We had a busy routine of kids in school now and home school and preschool and appointments for all of us. She wanted to go to church less and less. I started drinking a couple beers at night almost every day. I tried to mask my stress from her mood swings. She decided not to go to church at all anymore and focused teaching the boys about Jewish traditions exclusively which was hard for me to adjust to and confusing for the boys. I loved her and wanted to be supportive. As usual I was submissive and removed myself from the Christian church and some friendships. I feel like we lost our community at that point. We searched for a good place to have a new community with Jewish people but it was like starting over. I felt like I converted to Christianity for her when we got together and now I had to convert again, either way I would have done it for her because I loved her that much. The kids were confused by this change. After trying and failing at many synagogues we finally found one that seemed right for us.

2017

We finally had some money in savings because I kept it a secret and ended up planning a trip to visit her parents in Texas but it fell through due to lack of military flights. Instead we spent three nights away in a nice hotel resort as a family in February. We had three days of pure family time. Playing Battleship and other games in our room as a family, watching movies and eating at all the different restaurants and getting room service. Going swimming everyday in the foggy pool. I love our family and how we can have a great time together doing nothing but at the same time so much. That was so peaceful and relaxing. I wanted to keep doing things like that together as a family before our boys got too old. Shortly after this vacation she wanted to go back to school, then we bought a third vehicle so she could. Shortly after this she changed her mind about school and wanted to buy another house instead. I went along with it to please her and we practically killed ourselves trying to get the move accomplished with not much help or money. We had a good year over all. We got away for a romantic anniversary together in the summer. Just before the boys were going to start public school in the fall, her parents moved back to the area. She had anxiety with this and cut off contact with her parents and brothers for a while. Her Dad called me very upset and I tried to keep the peace until they reconciled. I was doing better with work and made up for lost progress as well as making arrangements to change jobs in the Navy to something more fitting. Since the boys started public school, I planned on leaving for Navy training in my new position after the beginning of the new year when they would be at a more settled place in their routine.

I remember when we went to the Olympic Club for our anniversary and we stayed there for a night away. We drove the long way through the countryside talking about new music that she wanted to share with me and she made notes of it on my phone notepad. We brought our own cooler and picnic that included Session Lagers and chocolate. We checked in to our room and made noisy bohemian love on the edge of the creaky bed in our small European room inches from the door. Then we went to the theater downstairs and watched the late showing of a really interesting Sci-fi movie "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets". We took showers and slept sweetly together. We made love again in the morning before we had a delicious brunch outside on the patio. We took the long way home and drove around on new roads and found our way out of cell phone reception. We figured out the road less traveled to get back to our home. We loved being alone and away together, just one night can make such a difference and mean so much.

I remember going to the Forest Theater to see Tarzan with our boys. That was such a great time. I would love to get our boys into theater and go see them someday. I wanted to keep our dreams and goals together alive and not lose opportunity and fall short by losing our partnership.

I loved going camping in Seabeck. Loading the truck with all our gear and getting away. Archer got sick from the cowboy caviar and I had to clean him and the tent up in the night. I was glad we had each other to be a team in our marriage in that situation as with all the other times. These sorts of things are what escape a person's mind when they are determined to get a divorce.

2018

We had a lot less money than the year before, again buying a house took its toll on finances as did the boys school and after school activities. I stayed very involved taking the boys to appointments and sporting practices. We stopped going to synagogue but tried to practice Judaism at home as much as possible, which I was very supportive of and involved with. She was still depressed and talking about suicide at times. I encouraged her to get help as I always had. Eventually she was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 and manic depressive by a new provider. She started taking new medicine for this and was worried I would want to leave her. I assured her I would never leave her and that I always wanted to work on things with her and help her. I left for training in Mississippi February 8th. It was going to be hard but I thought it might be good to have some time apart from each other to miss one another and reflect on things as well as prepare for times when I would be away at sea. I got in trouble in Mississippi for giving junior personnel a ride and being negligent of people who might be underage and possibly drinking, this became strike three. I never thought this could happen. I became recommend for separation from the Navy shortly after and was stuck in Mississippi for six months instead of six weeks. She was supportive through most of it but seemed to fall into hopelessness. Money was spent by her that we didn't have without discussion. She quietly leased appliances and tires and purchased a vehicle as well as having a secret bank account and email address. I discovered through our insurance company that she wanted to leave our policy for divorce. I didn't know this and she had even told the boys she wanted a divorce before I even knew. I was caught off guard and confused. I kept trying to communicate and reason with her but she didn't want to talk. I refused to give up and wrote emails and a letter but it only seemed to push her away further. By the time I left Mississippi she had filed for divorce and a restraining order against me saying I was unstable and a threat. I couldn't return to my home. My whole life fell apart in just a couple months. I found out she had been talking to other men in the Navy and keeping more secrets. I assumed this was her way of taking control during a difficult situation. I really needed her support during this hard time of transition out of the military. I became homeless, jobless and without my family in a month. I prayed to God that given time things might change between us but it was of no use. Bipolar had consumed whatever was left of my bride and there was no turning back.

I felt that our love was not one to be cast away. Other people might not understand or agree but what we had was truly special. We may have surely needed some time and space to get counseling as well as reconfigure and repair our marriage but I didn't feel like our relationship was irretrievably broken. She was so important to me and I thought she was the love of my life and would always have my heart. I wanted to be her partner in love and life, watching our boys grow up and being there to support each other. Being that she is Bipolar I knew she will need a lot of help and I was more than willing to assist her in making sure she was taking care of herself and not throwing herself into harm's way, ensuring she sticks with a plan we agree to for consistency. I cared about her deeply and had much compassion for her. I didn't believe she was thinking this through or thinking about the future. I really wanted to look at the long and short game with her, neither seemed appealing to me if we progressed but here we are. Things are not going to be easier. She will still have to face her problems and deal with me on a regular basis for the rest of our lives no matter what happens. She can believe her lawyer when they promise she'll get the moon and stars out of this in the end but they only see half of the story. Above all they want our money. It would have been good for her to face me in person and tell me she wanted to divorce and we could have started talking about it with a counselor to figure out how that could even work. Instead she chose to avoid as much responsibility for her actions as possible by doing everything in my absence as if I am not a real person. I had to find out about it from our insurance company and was last to know.

Immediately after I hear the word divorce I looked into her cell usage history and find she has a new military boyfriend that she talks to 20-30 times a day. She felt she owed me no explanation for this and it was none of my business. A mature person would have let me know about this months before and I would have seen it coming but there was no sign until it was seemingly too late. She strayed down a dark path and never turned back.

Her proposed parenting plan was cruel and had no thought put into it. Two hours a week with supervision, no holidays but father's day? She said she’s not trying to keep me from the kids but this is the exact opposite of what she’s saying with the paperwork she filed. She seems very mixed up and still you continues to make rash and sudden choices. Like a completely bogus restraining order against me that contradicts so many facts she has stated herself on record during my Navy retention process. She was so bold as to want to change her identity and even put it in ink on the divorce paperwork as well to a whole new name. That is not the actions of a stable person. She has since changed her mind again on that just as quickly as everything else in her recent life choices. I can't trust that any decisions she is making right now are for the right reasons or that she is of sound mind. I have never seen her so conflicted and confused, grasping at straws and running scared from herself.

Using the legal system so carelessly and going back and forth makes me feel like she is not ready to be making big choices and changes for her and our family. It is very unfair that she can’t consider my feelings on things and what I wish for the boys as well. Very reckless behavior. She can’t anticipate that the day would come where she has to face me and talk to me like an adult. She wants to hide behind the legal system which only leaves much to be unresolved. Ghosting me is not really an option in a marriage of 13 years with children.

Having relationship conversations is too difficult for her at this time and she would rather avoid it and skip to divorce because she thinks that will somehow be easier. I suspect she knows she is making poor choices, possibly out of fear and lust for something new and less painful than the reality of things right now. Our marriage was nowhere close to divorce when I left. She was sad to see me leave and woke with me at 3:30 am to say goodbye, making me coffee and cookies for me to take with.

Our community and accountability seems to be gone due to the continued trend of isolation that she is drawn to. The God fearing loving committed wife I thought I had is gone or trapped inside a terrified shell of herself. She cut me off from her family members and I can't discuss my concerns about her with them either. She only seems to have community with those who are not going to discourage her from these destructive choices.

I understand we have had issues and struggles but we are no worse off than other couples during challenging times. I think that because we loved each other so much it just hurt more when things got hard. I can't accept or believe this is justified or the right choice based on the positive trend we were on before I left. This was the longest break we have ever had from each other and I think she just needed someone to be there more for her, no matter who it was. Time can heal all wounds and I hope that is true for our relationship as co-parents.

She still refuses to tell me about why she wanted a divorce or talk about anything beyond caring for the kids. I have fought the restraining and I can see my boys again but I am still not allowed to my home without her permission.

I have risen from the ashes in just a couple months. I rent a room from a nice couple from our old church and obtained a good paying job while I continue paying the household bills.

This is a really hard time, this difficult spell could have been a tool to better our relationship. I wanted to experience more beautiful memories with her. We had so many more beautiful memories and dreams left to create. This is what marriage looks like to me now as I lower the casket.
This is a timeline of the major events during my 13 year marriage. Amidst the reality, I injected all the lovely memories that refuse to leave my mind.
Rose Jul 2012
Life is a video game,
or so it seems.
It's difficult, hard to beat.
Just don't give up right away,
Beat the game.
But always remember,
Once the game has been beat,
You're dead.
Never to come back alive.
It's done there, nothing left after.
So enjoy the game while you're playing,
Make it last a while.
Don't pass up a level,
Don't cheat the game,
Take your time.

#YOLO , lol. Just kidding, that's annoying.
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
If life were a video game,
Then I would totally buy the
'Skip this level'
Option
Because let me tell you,
This level *****
Maytin Paige Jan 2014
Do you pause
your video game
to answer her back?
Or do you keep answers short until
she stops responding,
like I do?

— The End —