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Empiricprotagon Apr 2017
along with this life steps
my past life was a mess
i was lifeless

i lived with fighting thoughts
to obey or being rebellious

if i found out,
that my main persons
is all supportless,
i would never told my goals

but there's no way back

i grown with taunts,
in rude vicinities

but it's all changed me
now i'm a strong unity
i left my fragility
to fully conquer this body.
For everyone who had unhappy past.
Family is that  familiar word for the go-getters, the thoroughbreds of the families, those nearest and dearest applaud the strong to thrive, and yet a painful  forgotten word, for the lost generation,  ignored and despised,special and different, terminally unique, were only as strong as our weakest link lost black sheep and shepherds sanity on the brink of exposing the lies, waiting for the train that will never come to the station;
In time...


Screaming "Do I even exist? ******* LOVE ME!"As he tightens his headlock, begging to be loved, from a desperate rage of rejection.

"But why won't you love me the way that you don't? I'm a lovable hopeless drunk loser ,who hasn't washed in months, I'll be the prodigal son  if you want ,coming home and we can sit at the table for lunch ...wishful thinking! If only! you could love me unconditionally ,and not just on a hunch!
If  you want me, Just a touch of acknowledgement will do! I'll give you my soul on my sleeve, just some crumbs from your lofty plinth, to my slum will suffice!
I'm so ******* lost in the dark of the night, I forgot I was looking for love  and soulmates at first sight!"

Screaming to be acknowledged from the four corners of the globe since time began, everybody knows there's a pink elephant in the room being ignored, like the emperors new clothes.  Couples desperate to procreate, using frozen embryos. Those still remembered ,who died ages ago,
Forget me not , everyone wants to be known,Everyone misses someone, and children yearn to be grown. Don't forget all those lost childhoods, Once my heart was my home, a long long; long time ago!The machine advertises  the have's and the have not's ...all those special qualities, some of us just don't got.... were what's  lacking in our family units cost... and immediate vicinities. Thank God for the internet, hounding us  to forget our inherent need to be loved and belong, feeding us with toxic seeds of disconnected, anti-life and discombobulated lifelong wrongs, from  a plethora of sources transmitting The current Perfect archetypal family systems ,propagated  through the myriad of deadman tv shows, and films ,promoting an unblemished, should be family values and traditions, most of us know we will never live to experience. Force feeding us with a yearning of an unachievable contentment in our innocence , hoping in our wildest dreams ,we try to ignore the facts displayed in the constant narrative dictated through the mean instrument of mental emotional and spiritual propaganda...**** your tv licenceS! and smash the ******* thing into public artistic scenes!, smash them into smithereens!don't be ambivalent! No one wants to sit down on the fence as a family and watch on the screen the colour purple riddled with ****** and seriously toxic themes for participants.

Forgotten and ignored are the origins of the word family... famula-serving woman or famulante-servant or even familiarcus -house hold slave...So it should come as no surprise that the human race has been plagued and fractured with slavery throughout our brief brutal AGE.From a creative perspective I can understand the widespread epidemic curse in the hearts and minds of manhate and mankind,of the feeling that we do not belong to our very own families our communities and the societies structured to evoke the black sheep syndrome .It is this lack of feeling apart of, and that we do not exist , that has inspired an overwhelming need for us to persist and create our own families,tribes,gangs,communities, groups and fellowships. From the tower of babel, its as if  we have  been programmed to automatically divided, segregate and become as alien as possible to each other sides.Separating cultures with borders and religion,class and access all areas for members only. Blood is running through my body just like yours, and I done a big massive **** this morning! Do you identify? Nothing like a good ****!
This has become one of the defining factors of the human experience our evolutionary process and diversity.Not our **** similarities! Yet it is these differences that have caused over a billion to be killed! Thats a lot of hate and anger,pain and suffering ...And I'm adding up everyone whos ever been killed because of there differences...Just imagine?..Its probably a lot more! why can't we just get along? and stop all the wars? Everybody wants to be right, Everybody yearns to be wanted ,needed and loved,to feel they exist and that they belong.But with a record number of divorces,broken families and runaways in a culture spiraling further and further away from the original family structures intention, where do we go from here?What is our inheritance? Why do we always fight over money? Why not just care to dare to share?

I find in this day and age, we the broken human family, searching for all these possibilities of experiencing the human experience in the wrong social utilities . Such as gang warfare,militia, online gaming and the plethora of virtual communities available from facebook and myspace to mental health and suicide forums, social toxic rearing, which mimic a sense of divergence,preference, belonging and being apart of something other than feeling so alone! Which in reality we are!  Deepening our deepest wounds the one thing that we yearn for more than anything on the face of the earth is to feel connected,wanted ,needed and loved, everything a family is supposed to provide, not ruin and despise.

The most horrific emotions, I have ever felt was the rejection and abandonment by my mother, when I was just a special wild child, the terror and dread of not being wanted was horrific, and created a deeply destructive state which infected my core, and has grown into a great toxic spiritual tumor 30 years later. I fear I will never get over it! With my head in the sand, so many relevant individual grains just swept under the carpet like a hidden beach, and so I search for the love I was denied in a thousand ways and a million times I seek. From hunting for my mothers love in another woman or a man. I can't even begin to explain the pain my father inflicted upon me. lest I curl into a ball and die right now! Its as if he hated me more than words ,and yet I loved him so much. Left me seeking comfort in despair in the pit in the belly of the beast, through alcoholism and addiction of every kind! none of these methods was sufficient in filling the void inside,The hole in my soul can't breathe,for all to see, especially me ,can't hide but only these things expanded it , creating a deeper hunger and leaving me more broken and empty. My desperation to remain part of the family was displayed in my familiar slave like demeanour(desperate to please my mother) by cleaning the whole house  from top to bottom with a toothbrush. I would lose myself in the neverending chores, it was never a bore, as long as mother didn't let me go, but it was never enough, and it seems as if I was doomed to be a cast out! on my own, exposed to the harsh reality of being alone my worst nightmare coming true... me dying from loneliness! They say its true! and I can understand now how that could be possible ....

There are so many different types of families, and ways for us to feel as if we are connected to a greater community, to feel as if we fit in. But often children grow without a father figure to balance ,protect and nurture them ,lead them! But what if there father is a drunken ,violent,gambling ,deranged bully? what then? Surely they would be better off without such a toxic head of the family, infecting his sons and daughters with the sins of the father. Who of us is cursed with being the blacksheep of the family ? having to toil for the rest of our days in the vastness of our existence, primarily alone ,we search in vain for surrogate mothers and sisters and fathers and brothers. But we find them not, because substitution will never suffice in order for us to truly count and heal within and feel alive ! We must heal this broken bridge that has crippled us to the core in our very short miserable lives.

Its up to us to give love where we have been denied. Invite the broken souls inside, shelter them from the  bitter cold, Just to see another friendly face can mean so much! why is life so tough?, leave us like Lazarus risen from the grave,or Adam and Eve and able and cain to the prodigal son, we have always suffered when we were on our own and alone, I know you prefer your own company, but we were born to surpass ourselves and continue to co-exist beyond our own morality...Ub3
bleak darkness and its measure:
squandering the light
no definitions
no spectral haze
no inhibitions
its onerous labor is one
    with me.

live life at the edge of the fall.
holding a hand
live alone, love alone —
  these things pulse with strength
      in singleness, even the glances
of prying neighbors are sequestered
   reduced to sealed shut, hermetic,
      no sight or hindsight.

i'll run to where the sunlight is
   and wish for the moon, slumber
like a dead log adrift in the current.
buying myself love and selling its pleasures to defunct markets.
   trying to repair what is beyond salvation,
   trying to amalgamate what is perpetually
        scarred, sundered.

clangorous *** of metal, herding jeep
    and riotous chariots; mad men fill
the lines waiting for encumbrance,
     bardic in the streets of Marilao
hungry for something:
   give me a blank piece of paper
and i will try to reinvent the world
     with impunity and lostness.
the world gives back such awry stare
    and all imperative darkness reigns
supreme, mine are all emergencies
   as shadows are succored not,
retained in their caliginous thrones.

living alone
    yet not so much alone.
the dog outside does not bark anymore.
  the well-placed gnome of stone outside
      stares stonily across the thick space.
the nosy neighbor does not meddle
  through the rusted ocher grills.
the old moon wanes outside
   as the lift of light sways to where
there are no disappearances.
somewhere in the metropolitan there
   is a derby of fools and all mirth;
i wish myself there and curse my presence
      right then.
work does not fill me anymore,
    money does me no good. my soul
bangs the walls and slams the doors
     it threatens to leave without auguries,
and demands a new sense of necessity.

tonight, i will go out, drink at a local pub
   and crawl towards the ajar door of
  my father's car. smoke will caterwaul
the pressing scenes of the vicinities
    crumbling at the tremor of clocks;
i will open my dresser and discover
   all books dissipated, some naked
  in relished pages, others abeyant.

the curtain can fall later,
and the night too, falter evenly
widely spread across the sky.
    — all is broken.
Jeffrey Pua Mar 2015
I want to raze the villages,
The vicinities,
The fortresses of royalty,
The landscapes of your body,
And build the altar of my heart,
Of sweat, of six
As a captive
Of this love.*

© 2015 J.S.P.
STLR Nov 2016
This is not for the Internet
Nor for the people with small minds & intellect

I'm gonna **** this ****
Make you feel like you hearing it

Reversing the hearse awaking spirits
Flash backs of my past life
death & life in the same vision

I am well spoken, I don't have limits

Intellectuals gather round

Abusive my words,
I use them to forge a sound
Spiritually I am bound
Lyrically I embrace
I'm an outer being
sending beckons from outer space
I cascade vivid arrays

I stay a stray
no need for distractions, for actions are soon to decay, we will all fade away
If time is of your concern your mental is in the fray

Monumental are my credentials
Magnified by 1 millions typed characters
Nouns, similes, Metaphorical Caricatures

all illustrated with my thoughts so that my imagination burns

verbal fortification
this is physical & mental
ABC Fornication
i penetrate with pen & pencil

ink splashed all the way back to the past
where i pick up the pieces & write my inner thesis alas!!

Student mighty morphed to teacher in class

Letters shaped the size of titans
they clash

I'm on a different level
mediocrity passed

Weegie board turned to Beat Machine
I distorted the devils laugh

I can finally say, THIS IS MINE, i have this ****!!!

Verbal Aerial pathogens...infected cross this digital earth
cross blogs, external links an other virtual passages

Execution, is an illusion if you don't know how to handle it
I've slanted words like Asian eyes which are well applied
like store discounts or letters of acronyms

Acrobatic an Systematic Literature formed out of pure passion is
quite a feat, like defeating an
enemy or your top nemesis

Extra curricular activities
divide minds mentally

I blaze cross alliterations
An dash cross similes
Actions are of an activist
Profitable productivity

I've reached a pinnacle
Riddles do damage
like swinging outer extremities

word play causes earth quakes & shatters ribs
of my enemies

Potent Poetic Vertices's Vanquish
Villains Vicinities

Humanitarian Hustler
puncturing profitability
narcissus necromancer negotiating
aeronautical abilities

methodical mysteries
motivate yet are menacing

lateral lyricist lunging letters linguistically

dedicated design distorted with no dependencies

propelling phonics plummeting
phrases physically

catapulted curriculum,
concussions caused critically

infatuated infections infuse
with my inks incredibly

Enough words to make structures
Nouns create sound stability

Mr. Poet Freak Forever and on to
Nely Aug 2018
You are fragile, yet guile. & even though you say you dont feel the same way, through senescence you'll notice the truth. You'll piece the puzzle together as to why you came every night to see me. Why you stayed when my words were shards of glass. Why you enjoyed my pink and purple love letters on your toufee skin. Why you always found yourself leaving those places to stare off into space with me. Yet, you say there is nothing. Nothing. The absence of something. If that is the truth I have to live with, then so be it. But you'll count how many of those pretty empty ladies stay in orbit between your planets, stranded on your asteroid belt. You look closely, I'm this giant elliptical galaxy within the other galaxies that you'll never seem to escape. I'll dip your thumb In between my lips, glide your hand across the side of neck, through your lips I'll pour a burst of stars right through your cuspid & new stars will form en masse. Then you'll notice that these stars shine brighter, millions of times brighter than a sun like star, and maybe then you'll notice that you did feel something, even if I was only actively forming stars within you.

the absence of feelings, let me touch down twice. & if you really not feeling the kid, let me figure it out minus the lies. Cause ima still navigate through your vicinities, im still breaking down your complexities. I still have galaxies I need to finish building, just let me finish them
Kam Jul 2017
See you in the twilight,
every night that my eyes are closed.
Your skin glows,
hands as soft as I recall.
Hair is still the same garnet shade-
you look beautiful.

Please, don't go.

I know, it's selfish-
you give life to greenery,
and flowers grow from the ashes.

Sickness no longer ravages your body,
I want you to come back to me-
the stars don't shine the same way,
every cloud remains looking gray-
they took my sunshine away.

Breaths shouldn't run out so young,
my soul wants to speak with your’s.
Where we divide the vicinities of  Heaven and Hell,
love of mother and child lasts an infinity.

Met with blue skies above our heads,
greenest grass under our feet.
there's no race in the sands of time,
your heart still beats
& you smile.

This moment ends
and the time spent together transcends
into the unknown,
when the sun glows through my blinds--
I'm left with just the ghost of you.

Mother, I want this sorrow to leave
if you can't come back, please stay in my dreams,
your spirit gleams among the horizon.
S I N Dec 2019
Some time already I’ve been walking,
Mu tongue dried out from lack of talking,
My feet was bleeding through the holes
In leather boots which had no soles;
The barren land behind me Was,
In front of me (of sunken nose)
Was nothing better, nothing worse
Just the landscape as well hoarse
With not one herb, or rill or well;
Not e’en vicinities of hell
I’m sure were such a wretched view,
Where e’en a little drop of dew
Was worthy of the Holy Grail,
Let alone the brook, or dale
To cool yourself in misty shade
Where miseries somehow will fade
For so a little, though, albeit
The swarming thoughts itself may mate
Into one pleasant revery
Begotten by the freshing lee..
I dropped in fancy for a moment
But limbs of mine that were so swollen
Reminded of themselves with pain..
So I proceed my way again
S I N Nov 2019
The conversation in a bus
Commenced thus:
The silence hung above the ground,
Encompassing all everything around
With muteness of a world;
And not one word
Was uttered in vicinities of life
That ceased to be in an eternal strife
And finally declared was peace,
When something was so thoroughly amiss
Amid turmoil of precipice of hell
Where the most abject creatures used to dwell,
For there was nothing in that vacuousness of chasm,
As if within the man after ******
Was nothing there, within, without,
Nor along the fissure; no, no doubt,
‘Tis something was indeed so very strange
What to the utmost point of stretching range
Was seen no sain a person, nor deranged,
Nor hollow men, nor locked up in a cage
And only one array of words
reverberates through chain of poles:
“We are the men of no land
Who dwell in no men’s land
We’d like to free our hands
To make this torture end”
TitaniumInks Feb 2019
Music like bubbles
Bubbles inside my veins
My forehead is covered in
Scars, stitches and stains
Cells tremble and shake
In the vicinities of pain
So much is happening but why people are busy
Calculating profits and measuring gains.

— The End —