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Doll Aug 2015
The answer is i don't know..
Or do i know?

coke
xtc
mdma
tramadol
eph
xanax
cannabis
hasj
speed/amphetamine
2cc
flunitrazepam
codeine
vallium
ritalin
concerta
lsd/acid
bromazepam
lorazepam
2cb
etizolam
4fa
ketamine
2fa/2fma
ghb
mephedrone (meow meow)
methox

And i'm pretty sure my list won't end there.

It's not that i can't stop but i just don't want to feel reality.
Denver Feb 2021
"You're crying again..."
"Am i?? ... sorry..."
"Stop saying sorry..."
"But i am..."
"Well don't be.. you don't need to be..... here, take this.."
"What is it?..."
"Vallium... "
"What? like .. like the Pidgeon film??"
"No you idiot that's Valliant.. this is Vallium... like the drug that stops you from shaking"
"I'm not shakein.. looks at my hands oh look.. i am, look at my hands ... ****"
"i know sighs you're whole body is shaking, i might put you in the bath with the washing, half an hour and you'd have even the whites clean"
"shut up that's not... spills drink while taking a sip true.."
"really?? take your drugs you ******.."
"you're a terrible doctor"
"good thing i'm not a doctor then.."
smiles
...
...
"Here have a tissue..."
"What for??"
"You're crying again..."
they say it's all in the mind..
well i should ****** well think so...
can you imagine if my belly button was in charge of thinking???
lawks a mercy where would we be...?
I keep my mistress
in my faded Levi's
in case of distress
guilt for all my lies
wedding vows broken
our kids are betrayed
silent them spoken
I leave as they played
I've used substances to balance my tilt.
     Smokes, beer, wine, vallium and xanax.
     They've helped me to stay in the lines.
     I chose to ignore the rules and live on
     a pinball machine with frenetic energy.
     All I want is a drug to bring me down
     to this earth where I began the journey.
     Please take these cravings from my mind.
     The Chemists come up with carnival rides.
     Up and down and everywhere in between,
     Coney Island madness in their tiny pills.
     Bring me back from this life on Mars.
Betrayed by my mother in the easy summer days
    My father home from work at 3:00 drags me
    Kicking and screaming to the whipping post.
    They never understood my rebellion.

    my rebellion was ******* all!
    I was forbidden to see Westside Story
    I read the play from the library
    my father caught me and was angry?

    the catholic church can go straight to hell
    and use their fortune off the back of the poor
    to ransom their way to the heaven they offer
    to everyone as their own carnival.    

    I drag others into my whirlpool
    I want to die in my confusion...
    I want to fix my broken parts and return
    To a corrected life in a straight line.

    I always aligned with the quirky ones
    where I always felt myself and real
    not correct and punctual, happy...
    no going back to squareville. Done.

    Launched upon the pinball table once again
    I betray my wife and kids and enter an abyss
    Guilt that could crush God kept at bay
    with vallium and beer.  Gentle women who
    cared and gave me sanctuary saved me from me.

— The End —