"unwillingness" poems
I
I am often attracted to things unhinged. Not necessarily (traditionally) romantic, more akin to an unwillingness to ask permission, one who might say It was never your permission to begin with and not be angry or upset about having to say it. Few are so willing to evaluate situations without the overwhelming cloud of emotion. Judgment fully withheld, kind banter catching wind. A needed immediacy.
Jean-Michel Basquiat was aware of the past. He pretended to not care if you did not like his paintings. Part of him was upset some people did not understand. Basquiat strangled history down to basics: music, culture, society (not the same thing), generations of family after family. His point was not for you to obtain this. This was his conscience—tangible. Brain processing. Synthesizing. To him it was so simple. I refuse the word primal because it is misguided, it does not factor purity, clarity. Sugar Ray Robinson told Basquiat to stop painting the background. Tuxedo told Basquiat what words to place and where.
So much of my art is stripped and lucid and enacted with only me in mind.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 9:16 PM UTC
You were a tourist attraction
That I held in my hands
My fingers, constantly tracing the outline of your smile in photographs
A memory
A tourist attraction, is visited by thousands every year
But I, I knew you’re story
Where the bombs struck most
Where the guns left the most bulletholes
In your forgotten love life
I remember you like the Alamo
Broken, but still standing
You were the tourist attraction,
And I was the snow globe
in your gift shop
Shaken.
Stirred.
Removed.
But I still carried a part of you inside me
You were the Golden Gate Bridge
From hipster photographs
But I knew, your workings
Like how you keep your ropes loosen
To avoid constricting
Breaking
Throwing away
Tourist every day photograph your beauty but I,
I was the civilian
who framed you in my doorway
Statues are not freedom, they are committed to their solidarity
Unwillingness to move
The freedom is found in the boys eyes
Who walks away with the snow globe
Something new in his hands
An attraction.
Dec 6, 2013
Dec 6, 2013 at 3:45 PM UTC
I don't have a best friend
Not to be mistaken with having no friends
I do have some friends
But I have to the conclusion that they aren't trustworthy
Instead, they are rather demanding
They have seen me laugh
and be funny
Talk about silly mistakes
and how others make me feel
They know that I don't have anyone in my life
and my unwillingness to dance
What they don't know
is that every day I fight
with myself
Not with scratches, blades and pins
But with my soul within
They don't know what I have been through
They have never seen the bruises still blue
They don't know
They just assume
They are not there when I am begging to up above
They are not there when I need a little love
They are not there when I have been crying for hours
They are not there when I feel like dying in the shower
Gossips and lame stuff is what they share
I continue to listen while the music continues to blare
There were many
who became my best friends over the years
Losing touch with them is what I feared
Then that's what happened
Sooner or later they forgot me
Phone calls became rarer
and Facebook our home.
Till today, I stand without a best friend
Because I know I am whole
I am a winner
who stands alone.
Oct 1, 2014
Oct 1, 2014 at 3:05 PM UTC
I don't just want tomorrow
And I don't want a couple hours away
I don't want years that fly by
Or days that don't
Or seconds that won't
I want the smell of second hand smoke
and coffee
to swim amongst sun lit mornings
I want to taste the evening on your lips
And lay
Skin to skin
Until midnight passes with each exhale
Towards the tide and away from the unwillingness of a winters dawn
Rolling amongst the purring mist of late nights
and early mornings
To sleep atop the tongue of spring
and give in into the scent
of summers seduction
You are tomorrow
And you are a couple hours away
The years that fly by
Or days that don't
Or seconds that won't
I want you
An entirety
Of your eternity.
Nov 5, 2012
Nov 5, 2012 at 7:56 PM UTC
Transparency of your soul looks me in the eye
and I can see the weight of the world
breathing possessively
as you whisper why.
I can read your thoughts better
than I can read your lips
and there is no question
as to what the words mean
delivered.........
with your each and every sigh.
I believe someone told you
the world wears a veiled smile
and attempts
to cling deceptively to your every breath
like a warrior breaks all stillness.
Yet, I see that you are not afraid
to sit and think
about how great men can fall in a moment
when preyed upon...........
by life's unwillingness.
Come with me when your heart aches
from standing in the shadows
of those thoughts
that have been tucked away
in the air you breathe.
Always remember that our time
waits in a path of sunlight
lying beyond the stillness
that will never fade
from all.........
that we can feel
and see.
Yes, the fingertips of happiness
strum my words
setting fires ablaze
so you can see me looking
into the transparency of your soul.
Everything is well-defined
even if it seems out of your control
and there is no need to apologize
when the weight of the world
keeps you.....
from feeling whole.
Apr 23, 2012
Apr 23, 2012 at 3:33 PM UTC
Acceptance
If we can't accept others
how can we accept ourselves?
Just because someone is different
means that we can't let them into our lives
our churches
our communities
our heavens
our society.
As an individaul
they made a choice to be who they really are!
To show their true personalities,
To show their true being.
And as a society we have shunned them.
Oh sure, they say, you can show your true colors
as long as
you fit that specific mold
that has been created over the centuries
by war
by hatred
by the unwillingness of people
the incapibility of a society
to love
to accept
EVERYONE
for what
and
for who
they
really
are.
Sep 5, 2011
Sep 5, 2011 at 10:57 PM UTC
In the silence and misunderstandings that separate us
I need to believe there is a place where we can meet
a place of mottled light where the only shadows
are painted by ancient firs who conspiratorially lean
open, welcoming hands down to greet us.
It is a place where all thoughts of judgment and jealousy
are simply too petty for consideration
love being implicit in the moisture of the air
words are unnecessary for our eyes reveal
everything we ever want to say.
Fear and resentment are unknown here
we refuse to recognize them if they slither
into this haven while we are sleeping
restful, innocent, unworried
history does not exist, the moment held is enough.
If this vision were dispelled, my soul could not sustain
reality’s weight. I would be battered, fragile
as a spiraled whelk on deceptively smooth rocks
splintered by hate and unwillingness
to be as the sea, fluid and graceful, all encompassing.
Will you come with me here?
Or is the hour too late?
We can meet in this hollow sacred space
and begin again, let loose misconceptions
clouding the life we share.
The path is faint
trust your weary heart
it will lead us to each other.
Nov 11, 2015
Nov 11, 2015 at 9:08 AM UTC
Naturally optimistic
And incredibly resilient
She captures you as a prisoner of infatuation
Her eyes hold promises of things you couldn't handle
Selling you dreams
She keeps telling you things
Once upon a time you looked at her as though she held all the stars in her eyes
And now everything you loved about her gets on your last nerve
The resilience became stubbornness and an unwillingness to compromise or bend at your will
Her mindless talk was just another distraction in your busy life
And that's when she knew
That her deepest darkest fear
Was not spiders or heights
It was you
Who put her on a pedestal
Who made her believe in herself
You who fought against the world for her
Her fear was you falling out of love with everything that made you love her
Aug 11, 2015
Aug 11, 2015 at 2:41 PM UTC
I am haunted with the breeze that was you...
Barely noticeable, a memory long gone, a faint whisper in the air.
Without any warning it becomes gusting with a voracious rage, cloaking my very being with rapacious eagerness, consuming me in whole.
I crumble to the floor like a tear-stained rag doll, destroyed by my unwillingness to admit, I miss you.
Oct 25, 2014
Oct 25, 2014 at 4:25 PM UTC
to you, my sweet,
my sunshine --
thank you.
for carrying me through the rough waters,
the rock bottom and my own perilous self --
for holding me with your steady hands
after i stumbled and fell into what felt like a chasm
filled with anxiety and despair
for being resolute,
despite my unwillingness to move --
thank you.
i do not know what i did, or what i have done,
to deserve someone so beautiful and kind.
for all that you did and all that you've done,
i will remember,
for always.
Feb 8, 2017
Feb 8, 2017 at 9:34 AM UTC
I'm tired.
I'm tired of hearing
words of acrimony
and disparagement.
I'm tired.
Peoples' lives
are at stake every
single day and I feel
we aren't doing enough.
Enough.
Enough with the unwillingness,
the idleness,
the dullness.
Get up.
Change the world
because you only have
so much time.
Others aren't acting,
so be the one to do.
Believe;
get rid of the skeptics.
Fight for your rights
and make sense
of the things
you could not once
understand.
Let bravery take you by the hand
This time and chase after it
Without hesitating.
Take the risk
And know that you can make
Change for the
Better.
Don't be the one to follow
the crowd or get trapped in the debris
of those who
did
not
try.
Act now.
Aid and love and cherish.
Appreciate the time given to you
and your loved ones.
Don't give up on love.
It's the one element
running through your veins
that's keeping that hole in your
heart covered.
It's taking away the emptiness.
It's keeping the world on its
feet but there is so much more
needed.
There are people without families,
food, or water.
People without hope,
faith, or will.
Who told you
that love was a waste?
Was it the one who
could not conquer it?
Because, after all,
love is man's toughest battle.
Love and care
And thought and feeling
Are the seed of
What can bloom.
Do.
Act.
Accomplish.
Never settle for less.
Because today
you are
the world's
greatest
hero.
Show us
what you can do.
Dec 29, 2012
Dec 29, 2012 at 3:41 PM UTC
Orange orange everywhere
Orange orange in the air
I’m given an orange despair
By a man with orange hair
I see through his orange glare
To see nothing really there
A man became president
Promising to evict residents
His stupidity self evident
When he says nothing relevant
About all the topical elements
He just talks for the hell of it
He’s unfit to lead
Because he’s equipped with greed
And an unwillingness to read
Gaining success from his family tree
He lives the American dream
By making others scream
To indulge his team
And his bigotry
All it took for his courtship
Was a culture of celebrity worship
And idiots buying his horseshit
Of acting remorseless
The gullible are impressed
With how well he is dressed
So they think he’s the best
Putting him in a wing that is west
Because he has a lot of money
But without any capability
You better start running
Money let’s him **** willingly
He takes advantage of the stupid and racist
By pointing at people with brown faces
Saying they’re here to replace us
Like they’re working for Asus
And not mowing his lawn
He said they will **** us
To manipulate his pawns
He’s a megalomaniac
Who thinks he’s a brainiac
But it’s a brain he lacks
To understand the impact
Of his negative attacks
Still he thinks he’s a genius
Which justifies his meanness
So his cruelty is seamless
While he claims to redeem us
This is our most vulnerable hour
With a president compromised by foreign powers
Building ivory towers
By turning minorities sour
There’s a litany of reasons
Why he calls them heathens
But it all revolves around freedoms
Being stripped from those who need them
His constituents have their heads in the sand
So they blindly give in to his demands
Going after whoever he’s ******
In the name of this land
Other kinds are banned
You can tell the bad guys have won
When they start separating mothers from sons
At the end of a gun
So there’s nowhere to run
Away from the oppression
Of our downward descension
As he does nothing to lessen
The root of our depression
His concentration camps
Give a **** slant
To his lofty plans
Until no one can stand
Without a weapon
Because of his deception
Which was his intention
To win the election
He promised detention
Of the boogeyman mentioned
The red, white and blue
Adopts an orange hue
When the foreign lose
From the fascist bruise
Of an orange noose
May 1, 2019
May 1, 2019 at 9:47 PM UTC
There is dirt mixed with blood
Underneath our fingernails
Our life is mixed with mud
While we fight and flail
The struggle is for my agency
Otherwise I feel they're ****** me
I feel they are replacing me
With an imposition of their will
Love as vast as the sea
Wouldn't get them their fill
Their emotions they ****
For a ****** thrill
That could be achieved by a pill
But instead they use power
For they understand in this hour
There is a mentality
Of fatality
Where we minimize our enemies to their negative desires
So we can build with our allies oppressive empires
Until the whole world is on fire
And these rapists can do as they please
When it's systemic they do it with ease
In a world without trust
They are the beneficiaries
They care only for lust
With actions incendiary
Burning the forest they hide in
Where our secrets provide their shade
Because overwhelming suspicion pervades
The image of all strangers
We see only danger
And our judgement is skewed
When everybody is considered a ******
Yet there are only a few
There is a moment
When I make a ****** decision
I am not sure what the recipient's reaction will be
There are two negative extremes to this situation:
1. I will **** them
2. They will falsely accuse me of ****
Our ****** lives are navigating these issues of trust
Between those extremes
But when our definition of ****
Starts to define the victim's comfort
As more important than the violator's intent
We show an unwillingness to understand and a bias
Which would give anyone reason to not trust someone
And the ****** atmosphere becomes one of uncertainty
People get into relationships so they don't have to worry about it
But bachelors must consider these things
**** victims must too
As well as the man sitting in prison for fraudulent claims
One has been illegally *****
The other has been ***** legally
I'd imagine both might see a world of rapists afterwards
Yet there are only a few
Dec 22, 2017
Dec 22, 2017 at 6:37 AM UTC
sometimes...
you are a noose around my neck
strangling
suffocating
terrifying
sometimes...
you are like a single
terrifying entity
an octopus emerging from the deep
seeking me out
tentacles constantly moving
testing
embracing
stinging
clinging
you are beautiful
but so hungry
your arms cover me
******* at my life force
d r a i n i n g me.
i want to help you
but i am so small
compared to your greatness
...i am surrounded.
sometimes...
individuals separate
and between gaping breathes
dangling from the noose
or glimpses between
the great mass of tentacles
i see one alone
afraid
on the edge of the abyss
or a rare
bright eyed spirit
challenging
brilliant
i reach
grasp around the wrists
and we hold tight to each other
sometimes...
you grow to my height
you look into my eyes
and teach me
you see my struggles
my fear
and you teach and learn as i do
and I revel in you
sometimes....
i worry.
at your indifference.
at your disrespect.
at your unwillingness to help.
at your lack of empathy.
at your unwillingness to learn.
sometimes...
i see in you
every burst of sunlight
every hope of humanity
every drop of my love
always...
i see a being of light
deserving of respect
of love
of safety and protection
a mind of intelligence
churning with ideas
bursting with creative energy
always...
i give you my everything.
Jun 10, 2013
Jun 10, 2013 at 12:39 AM UTC
I am the prodigal daughter that
will not be returning. I have squandered
your forgiveness, if ever
it was, on small sins
that I probably
could have avoided. Tiny ways
Of asserting my individuality, my
independence, my unwillingness to follow
anyone blindly. The food
I eat, the friends
I have, the actions
I take, the people
I love, they
are not as to your
specifications. I am the prodigal
daughter, the one
that stopped believing in your
(supposedly) everlasting love, your
(apparent) watching eye and protection. I
am the prodigal daughter, I
have given up on trying
for your acceptance, trying
to hurt myself to earn
the warmth and love I never
saw. For so long you
made me feel unworthy
of you, ineligible
for your embrace, and now
I finally know that I
truly do not deserve
the iron bars
of your acceptance, disguised
as a structure to hold
me up. I now know
I deserve more.
Jan 6, 2014
Jan 6, 2014 at 5:17 PM UTC
Was welcomed into the dark cloud
resting on the mountaintop.
For war and unlikely failure.
The unwillingness to give up
protects against the loss from
The one who breathes surrender.
Feb 10, 2011
Feb 10, 2011 at 7:43 AM UTC
To no fault of my own, the little I own
To the words that ask me to conform.
I feel so alone—in the deep chasms of a petrified soul.
An open door, shut by a closed mind to make a move.
Unwillingness of that to do.
Oh what a world to live in.
Searching, always seeking; in the depths be,
Of a tempestuous sea. I still can’t swim.
So comes that sinking feeling again. I’m sinking in
Deepest thought to the very END. My always sinking
HEAD. Especially when pride gave you a big head.
Jul 29, 2022
Jul 29, 2022 at 4:31 PM UTC
I thought Religion was supposed to make One more compassionate, but it seems that so many religious people are only compassionate towards others of that same religious group.
Of course, this isn't always the case,
and I commend those who defy this trend,
but still I sit in awe
of those who look down at others from their religious standpoint
rather than looking inwards at themselves.
Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist,
Christian, Pagan, Atheist, Agnostic:
it doesn't seem to matter:
everyone favors their own in-group:
what if humanity was your in-group?
Why is that such a strain for our psyches?
People are people.
Get over it,
get over yourself.
Compassion cannot be selective.
Jul 20, 2014
Jul 20, 2014 at 1:58 PM UTC
Fog Horn
Crowning Light
Upon the Unseen
Revealing Star
Sorrows Journey
Broken Promises
Flesh Dyin
Gods Promise
Still Alive
Rubin....
A Man By the See
A Lover
.......and a Friend
Life unfolding
Two Paths Now
Cry For Me Lover
Pain
Of a Shattered Kingdom
And The Violence
Of a Stolen Heart
A Wife's ****
Rothko's RED
Caste Out
Before
The World
For Nothing..
Unwillingness Betrayed
Heart Torn Open
Refusing
The Violations
Of a False God
HORROR Unveiling
Fighting for Life
Fires of Dismantling
Families Betrayal
Eternity I keeping
Power of Prayer
CLAIM me NOW
AMMA
Mary
GAIA
Lakshmii
Bridgette
ISIS
Demeter
KALI
Rachel
GoddesSes All
And Yet there is only
ONE
Marry Me
Apr 9, 2016
Apr 9, 2016 at 1:50 PM UTC
My friend
I wish you could know my mind, but
Understanding you would push away
Keeps me from letting you inside
It’s quite the mental irritant
If I get close you’ll grow distant
But even if it’s not your intent,
It’s enough to force my mental defense
And I know you don’t want me to be far
But I can’t get close just to watch you fade.
I’ll stay a phantom
So you don’t have to be one.
Perseverance will not work this time
Because time is in short supply
Departure will soon arrive
Absence will slowly invade my life
Embrace never felt so desperate
Though desperation isn’t a word that fits
No, it’s a quiet determination that makes us stick
An unwillingness to part without this.
I’ll always miss the nights
You were burning in my life
Like the incandescent indigo light
That kept me company when I would write
Every moment slides like a dream.
Your gaze floods me with memory
Our first words float back like a distant melody
Singing all the reasons I’ve ever had to believe in anybody
Your smile brings a strange solace.
Your simple happiness
Is the push behind my lungs as I think all this
It makes you worth the cardiac risk
You won’t read the words I wrote
But somehow I think you already know
As long as my heart beats in this world
You will always have a hand to hold
Sep 3, 2013
Sep 3, 2013 at 12:24 AM UTC
Tours depart at 7.30,
in time to reach the office by 9.
En route, keen-eyed travellers
search faces, gaits
and speculate on destinations.
There are no prizes
but you will experience a cold satisfaction
with every success.
Most prized
are the ones who hide
behind a guise of bluff normality.
It takes a real expert
to catch the tiny glint of fear,
the too-quick reflexive start
at any human contact,
the unwillingness to meet the gaze
of their own reflections.
But persevere
and you too can add to your list.
The longer your list
the less likely you are
to appear
on someone else's.
Jun 14, 2013
Jun 14, 2013 at 10:41 AM UTC
The complete disarrangement of all my senses, myself my I
Is threatened with the bitter sound of uncertain rumour
That possesses an urgency of unwillingness
An incomprehension of thought
The improvised mediocrity of relished indignity
Asinine questions, absurd and ludicrous probing
Accusations and primitive propensities
The deformities of exaggerated obscenities
That blame and brand myself my I as mad
They have stolen liars tongues
Apr 16, 2012
Apr 16, 2012 at 4:20 PM UTC
Quickly, now
Before I forget
Before the cold rain washes this soot from my body
I need to remember
It kills me to remember
Was it real?
True? Honest?
Real, even so
So real in so many ways
It's not your reality that stains me
I slid through a slime covered door
Wiggled in through the mirror
Unsure of what I would find there
I thought I could handle it
This cliff edge
I was in an unfamiliar room
Taking in all I could see
My eyes like camera lenses
Strategically placed on the floor
Bound to the spot like tethered dead weight
I could have stopped it
I could have
I could have stopped it
I could have
I could have stopped it from tainting my soul
I could not have stopped it
From happening
As it
Had
Already happened
And so it happened
Real for them
Real for me
Real to the world
On every level a ****** up reality
And it chipped away
It tore chunks from part of me
Demolished a part of me
That I didn't even know was still there
That I would have kept to my dying day
Powerless to stop
Only stare
Judged guilty
By an unwillingness
To turn away
To turn away
Not so hard to do
Close my eyes
Squeeze them shut
Tightly, tightly
Only to be consumed by
The sound, the noise
The muscle and skin-muffled bone
Absorbing the shock
Of a wooden floor
Like a fish out of water
Flipping and flopping
Held down by the bigger fish
Gasping for water
Teased, destroyed then released
Puncture my ear drums
I cannot stand these
Terror, helplessness, anger, loss
I cry for you
I cry with you
But I cannot cry for myself
Tears won't fall from these open eyes
I cannot squelch
The echoing memory of your brokenness
That resounds and repeats and courses through my heart
Through my very existence
Changed forever
By an impulse
To
See
Sep 14, 2010
Sep 14, 2010 at 6:53 AM UTC
Slipping through the willow curtain
Easing among the leafy overhang
Green sheltering cloak that sways
With an invitation to be my guest
I pass through, broaden my peripheral vision
Turn my cheek and my eyes lock
Pulled toward fierce or friendly
Mottled door, camouflaged grey as a stone
I swivel to listen before leather soles
Respond and move me without guard
I feel fear, uncertain to obey my instinct
Ruining the scene for the ticket holder
The choice it seems is taken from me
Though temporal, the entrance hides...it is coy
The gatehouse of resistance clangs
Its repertoire stumbles but my vision
Knows its route....the pathway falls away
And unwillingness encircles me like a bear hug
I cannot turn or go back, the door makes way
To tumbling steps gaining their advantage
Driven pathway recedes and I stalk the
Shadowy shapes that spill out to paralyse
Locking me to the wall
Solid and comforting yet stalling
The dreaded moment of choice
Invites its gangsters to dine with me
The here and now overwhelming
Its clues forlorn and disadvantaged
Rounding the dark corner of courage
I strengthen my resolve, and
Claim the light I so desire
It throws open a vivid saffron
Vibrant colour penetrates, seeping into me
I wade through this maze of superb
Splendour and I am feathered to the ground.
Book in hand … I gaze toward the.....
Willow Curtain
Jul 10, 2012
Jul 10, 2012 at 11:44 AM UTC