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Tom Leveille Mar 2015
so you're disappointed
that you're disappointed
and maybe that's to be expected
some folks make beds
out of their catharsis
differently than others
it's this list
of things you lost in the fire
or how jealous you are
of people
who never came back up for air
you're crying
so the faucets leak out of solidarity
& someone asks you
why the floor is wet
so you tell them
"we've been weeping here forever"
then they want to give you
a mouth full of presupposition
by saying
"are you going down with the ship?"
& you look them in the mouth
like Leo is handcuffed to a pipe
five decks down
you look at them
like you just woke up
from that dream everyone has
where all their teeth fall out
maybe it's an intervention
a hearse vs station wagon origin story
a clearance sale
& everything's gotta go
or maybe it's the dream
where you're at the docks
from your childhood
and there's a little girl
unmooring all the ships
because she thinks
they'll float away
but every time
she unties them
they just sink




                                          they just sink
A rose in the high garden that you desire.
A wheel in the pure syntax of steel.
The mountain stripped of impressionist mist.
Greys looking out from the last balustrades.

Modern painters in their black studios,
Sever the square root's sterilized flower.
In the Seine's flood an iceberg of marble
freezes the windows and scatters the ivy.

Man treads the paved streets firmly.
Crystals hide from reflections' magic.
Government has closed the perfume shops.
The machine beats out its binary rhythm.

An absence of forests, screens and brows
Wanders the roof-tiles of ancient houses.
The air polishes its prism on the sea
and the horizon looms like a vast aqueduct.

Marines ignorant of wine and half-light,
decapitate sirens on seas of lead.
Night, black statue of prudence, holds
the moon's round mirror in her hand.

A desire for form and limit conquers us.
Here comes the man who sees with a yellow ruler.
Venus is a white still life
and the butterfly collectors flee.

Cadaqués, the fulcrum of water and hill,
lifts flights of steps and hides seashells.
Wooden flutes pacify the air.
An old god of the woods gives children fruit.

Her fishermen slumber, dreamless, on sand.
On the deep, a rose serves as their compass.
The ****** horizon of wounded hankerchiefs,
unties the vast crystals of fish and moon.

A hard diadem of white brigantines
wreathes bitter brows and hair of sand.
The sirens convince, but fail to beguile,
and appear if we show a glass of fresh water.

Oh Salvador Dalí, of the olive voice!
I don't praise your imperfect adolescent brush
or your pigments that circle those of your age,
I salute your yearning for bounded eternity.

Healthy soul, you live on fresh marble.
You flee the dark wood of improbable forms.
Your fantasy reaches as far as your hands,
and you savor the sea's sonnet at your window.

The world holds dull half-light and disorder,
in the foreground humanity frequents.
But now the stars, concealing landscapes,
mark out the perfect scheme of their courses.

The flow of time forms pools, gains order,
in the measured forms of age upon age.
And conquered Death, trembling, takes refuge
in the straightended circle of the present moment.

Taking your palette, its wing holds a bullet-hole,
you summon the light that revives the olive-tree.
Broad light of Minverva, builder of scaffolding,
with no room for dream and its inexact flower.

You summon the light that rests on the brow,
not reaching the mouth or the heart of man.
Light feared by the trailing vines of Bacchus,
and the blind force driving the falling water.

You do well to place warning flags
on the dark frontier that shines with night.
As a painter you don't wish your forms softened
by the shifting cotton of unforeseen  clouds.

The fish in its bowl and the bird in its cage.
You refuse to invent them in sea or in air.
You stylize or copy once you have seen,
with your honest eyes, their smal agile bodies.

You love a matter defined and exact,
where the lichen cannot set up its camp.
You love architecture built on the absent,
admitting the banner merely in jest.

The steel compass speaks its short flexible verse.
Now unknown islands deny the sphere.
The straight line speaks of its upward fight
and learned crystals sing their geometry.

Yet the rose too in the garden where you live.
Ever the rose, ever, our north and south!
Calm, intense like an eyeless staute,
blind to the underground struggle it causes.

Pure rose that frees from artifice, sketches,
and opens for us the slight wings of a smile
(Pinned butterfly that muses in flight.)
Rose of pure balance not seeking pain.
Ever the rose!

Oh Salvador Dalí of the olive voice!
I speak of what you and your paintings tell me.
I don't praise your imperfect adolescent brush,
but I sing the firm aim of your arrows.

I sing your sweet battle of Catalan lights,
you love of what might be explained.
I sing your heart astronomical, tender,
a deck of French cards, and never wounded.

I sing longing for statues, sought without rest,
your fear of emotions that wait in the street.
I sing the tiny sea-siren who sings to you
riding a bicycle of corals and conches.

But above all I sing a shared thought
that joins us in the dark and the golden hours.
It is not Art, this light that blinds our eyes.
Rather it is love, friendship, the clashing of swords.

Rather than the picture you patiently trace,
it's the breast of Theresa, she of insomniac skin,
the tight curls of Mathilde the ungrateful,
our friendship a board-game brightly painted.

May the tracks of fingers in blood on gld
stripe the heart of eternal Catalonia.
May stars like fists without falcons shine on you,
while your art and your life burst into flower.

Don't watch the water-clock with membranous wings,
nor the harsh scythe of the allegories.
Forever clothe and bare your brush in the air
before the sea peopled with boats and sailors.
When man,
enters woman,
like the surf biting the shore,
again and again,
and the woman opens her mouth with pleasure
and her teeth gleam
like the alphabet,
Logos appears milking a star,
and the man
inside of woman
ties a knot
so that they will
never again be separate
and the woman
climbs into a flower
and swallows its stem
and Logos appears
and unleashes their rivers.

This man,
this woman
with their double hunger,
have tried to reach through
the curtain of God
and briefly they have,
through God
in His perversity
unties the knot.
Grahame Jun 2014
A  MOONLIT  KNIGHT.

Fern rises and looks out of her window.
Silver shards of moonlight lick the lawn.
She who once felt gay and oh so joyous,
Now feels oh so desolate and lorn.

Will she ever find true love again?
She before has never felt so low.
Should she, for love, continue searching?
Or give up by ending it here and now?

Outside, all is monochrome and still,
Inside, Fern is still and very sad.
Will she feel happiness again?
Who knows how long she’ll feel this bad?

At the stroke of midnight, there’s a change,
There seems to be a disturbance in the air.
Gradually something seems to materialise
On the lawn, a shape, come from where?

It is a knight, armoured cap-à-pie,
On a horse, for war caparisoned.
From his saddle hangs a jousting shield,
A silver moon on it is designed.

A white plume is mounted on his helmet,
On his lance a white pennon is tied.
The knight looks at her, at her window,
Silently he sits and does bide.

He raises a gauntleted hand and beckons,
Should she stay in, or venture out?
In her white nightdress she goes downstairs,
Deciding to see what it’s all about.

Cautiously she opens up the door,
And putting her head out, looks outside.
The knight still sits, patiently waiting.
Fern wonders what might now betide.

Slipping on an old pair of shoes,
She slowly walks over to the knight.
In her wake she leaves a dewy trail,
And as she nears, the knight fades from sight.

Fern wonders what this all might mean,
Is she dreaming or is she awake?
Is, what she has seen, been real?
Or has she made a big mistake?

Then, whilst standing there in wonder,
She happens to look down at the ground.
Where the knight was, the grass is trampled,
As though a horse has curvetted around.

Then she hears a sound from behind her,
And startled, Fern quickly turns round.
Her house no longer seems to be there,
In its stead, a keep there is stound.

The sound she hears is a woman calling,
“My Lady, please come back here inside.
You shouldn’t be alone out in the dark,
Please come back and in your chamber bide.”

The woman, from a window, looks at Fern.
“Excuse me, are you addressing me?”
Fern directs the question at the woman,
Who replies to her, “Of course, my Lady.”

“’Tis not safe out at this time of night,
And you are in your night attire dight,
So if someone, of you, catches sight,
You’ll not be seen in a good light.”

Before Fern can think of what to say,
She hears the sound of a galloping horse.
It is getting nearer in the dark.
She hopes that things will now not get worse.

“My Lady, quickly, please get you inside,
Do not just stand there as if dazed.
Hurry now, before it it too late.”
Fern, though, does stand there amazed.

Approaching through the night is a horse,
The one she’d seen before on her lawn,
The same knight is seated on its back,
Though now the pennant on his lance is torn.

The horse stops right next to Fern,
And caracoles to bring them face-to-face.
The knight lowers his lance to show his pennant,
Which Fern sees is a torn fragment of white lace.

The knight again does sit in stilly silence,
He waits, and does not make any demand.
Then lowers his lance to touch her nightdress’s hem,
When suddenly, Fern does understand.

The hem of her nightdress is lace trimmed,
So Fern bends, and seizes it in hand.
Then with a sharp tug she tears it off,
Removing it in a single strand.

The knight raises up his lance higher,
The old lace, from the lance, Fern does remove.
Then ties the furbelow on very tightly,
Saying, “Please take this favour with my love.”

The knight dips his lance in salute,
Then turns his horse, back down the road to face.
His spurs lightly touch the horse’s flanks,
Which straight away gallops off at pace.

Fern walks across to the keep.
The woman opens the main door wide.
Fern steps across the threshold,
And now, in her own house is inside.

She turns to look back across the lawn,
Which is still lit by the silver moon’s light.
The lawn is now smooth and unblemished,
With no marks caused by the steed of the knight.

Fern goes upstairs to her bedroom.
Has this all been a dream ere now?
Then, as she gets back into bed,
She sees her nightdress lacks its furbelow.

Fern remembers her nightdress has a pocket,
And into it, her hand she does place,
Then, to her utter amazement,
She pulls out a fragment of torn lace.

Fern wonders at what’s just happened,
Was it real, or only in her mind?
If it was just her imagination,
Why has she been able, the fragment to find?

Eventually Fern drifts off to sleep,
Waking with the chorus of the dawn.
Although she doesn’t think she has changed,
She no longer feels quite so forlorn.

“Why does the knight appear to me?
Why has he only come at night?
Is he trying to find out if he’s wanted?
Is he trying to make something right?”

Later on that day Fern walks to town,
And heads for the library to find,
If there are any references to knights
That might help to ease her troubled mind.

Fern does find a story of a knight,
Who had a moon device on his shield.
He was very brave in the fight,
And to a foe would never yield.

He had been commissioned to take a message,
To a lord, by order of the king.
It was to be delivered urgently,
And he was not to stop for anything.

He was nearly there when something happened.
By the side of the highway lay a maid.
Being a chivalrous knight, he should have stopped,
Instead, he carried on, not giving aid.

He delivered the message to the lord,
And later was seated, drinking in the hall,
When there entered in some serving men,
Carrying on their shoulders a shrouded pall.

They lay down their burden on the floor,
And without having said a word,
Reverently uncovered the face of a body.
It was the lady of the lord.

Then entered in another knight,
Who stepped up to the lord, and said,
“On our way here, we found your lady.
She was wounded, and now, alas, she’s dead.”

The other knight continued with his story,
“Seemingly, she had been robbed and *****.
There was no sign of the perpetrators,
We think they’d been disturbed, and then escaped.”

“Perhaps if we had managed to come sooner,
We might have been there to prevent this crime.
However, it seems the Fates conspired against us,
So we were not there to help in time.”

The Knight of the Moon sat there horror-struck,
He knew if he’d not been so keen to arrive,
Though helped, as his conscience had dictated,
The lady might yet even be alive.

Instead of speaking up, he stayed silent,
And never about this matter spoke a word.
Then he rose, and gave his condolence,
And went out from the presence of the lord.

The lady was removed to lie in state,
The Knight of the Moon went, to look at her face.
He knelt there in silent prayer awhile,
Then, from her dress, removed a length of lace.

He accoutred himself in his full armour,
Then rode from the keep that very night.
He left a note, stating his omission,
And of him, no-one ever saw a sight.

Fern is very sad to read this story.
What had then been in the knight’s mind?
Had he ridden off to end his disgrace,
Or the perpetrators, gone to find?

Fern now makes her thoughtful way home,
Hoping he’d found surcease from his torment,
Wondering what to him had befallen,
And if, for his lapse, he’d made atonement.

Fern reaches home rather tired,
So lies down on her bed, then falls asleep.
She dreams of knights in armour and fair damsels,
And jousting in the grounds of the keep.

Eventually, Fern wakens from her slumber.
She lies for a moment in her bed.
Yet again she thinks about her dream.
Was it real, or made up in her head.

“Perhaps,” she thinks, “I’m just on the rebound,
Because I’m still in mourning for my love.
And being of a romantic nature,
Dreaming of knights this does this prove.”

“Knights should have been chivalrous and kind,
Treating damsels in distress with care.
Except, when a knight I truly needed,
As it happened, there was not one there.”

“On that night, if we’d had some help,
My husband might still be alive.
Now, he has been taken from me,
And I feel that alone I cannot thrive.”

“However, life must go on as usual,
I should carry on, if just for him,
And so, perhaps, I should cease this moping,
And try to get on with my life again.”

So Fern gets up, refreshed from her nap,
Then decides, after eating, to go out.
That she must now get herself together,
Fern is not left in any doubt.

“Perhaps a short drive into the country,
And to stretch my legs, a gentle walk.
However, I will get on much quicker,
If I do not, to myself, talk.”

Fern puts on her coat and gets her bag,
Then goes out and walks to her car.
This is the first time that she’s driven
Since losing him, so she’ll not go too far.

Fern unlocks her car, and sits inside,
Then she is overcome with fear.
“Suppose, now, I am too scared to drive.
Perhaps I’d feel better if help was near.”

“Come on Fern, pull yourself together!
Feel the fear and do it anyway!
If you don’t do it now, then when?
Start the car, and let’s be on our way.”

So having given herself a little lecture,
Fern belts up, and pulls out of her drive.
Then, not really knowing where she’s headed,
Off she goes to see where she’ll arrive.

Fern motors out into the country,
And following a lane, drives up a hill.
At the top she parks and gets out.
Everything seems peaceful and so still.

She aimlessly ambles round the hill top,
And reads a notice saying it was a fort.
Then, Fern drifts off into a daydream,
And views the panorama without thought.

In her mind’s eye she sees a castle,
Decorated with many banners bright.
A tournament seems to be in progress,
And the winner is, of course, her moonlit knight.

Eventually, Fern becomes aware,
That she has gone some distance from her car.
So she slowly makes her way back to it.
She hadn’t meant to walk quite so far.

The shades of night are now falling fast,
And everything is starting to look grey.
So Fern unlocks her car and gets inside,
Ready to be getting on her way.

Slowly, she starts off down the hill,
The lane is very narrow with high hedges,
The moon is hidden behind some lowering clouds,
The track’s overgrown with grass and sedges.

Somehow, she’s gone a different way.
In the dark, everything seems wrong.
Fern is now starting to get worried,
And wonders why the track seems so long.

Eventually, she debouches onto a road,
Though she is not sure exactly where.
Fern is by now really anxious,
Then suddenly, gets an awful scare.

It looks just like the road they had been travelling,
When her husband lost control of the car.
It had skidded, spun and then rolled over,
The door had opened, and Fern had been flung far.

Her husband had still been trapped inside,
When it suddenly erupted into flame.
Fern could only stand and helplessly watch,
All the while loudly screaming his name.

No-one was around at that moment,
Perhaps someone might have pulled him out.
Then, as other motorists arrived,
They phoned for help, while listening to Fern shout.

Quite soon, a fire-engine came,
Closely followed by an ambulance.
The fire was eventually put out,
And Fern driven off still in a trance.

That had been several weeks ago,
And Fern has not since passed that place.
Now, it looks as if she is there,
And will, her darkest moment, have to face.

Then, to her horror, she sees a shape,
Dimly lit by her headlamps’ light.
It is a fallen motorcycle,
And the rider’s lying by it, just in sight.

Fern stops her car, and runs up to him.
Perhaps she can be of some aid.
As she approaches, the man gets up,
While a voice behind her says, “Don’t be afraid.”

“You just do exactly as we tell you.
We only want your money, and some fun.
Then, you can be on your way.
Do not even think of trying to run.”

The first man picks up the bike,
And pushes it to the road’s side.
The other man comes up close to Fern,
Who wonders again what might betide.

The wind blows the clouds across the sky,
Bringing the bright moon into sight.
The road that ’til then was hidden in darkness,
Is now lit with shards of silver light.

Fern then hears the sound of a horse,
Approaching through the wild and windy night.
The jingling of trappings can be heard,
And Fern thinks that now all will be right.

The courser slowly comes into view,
With the same knight seated on its back.
His lance is not couched, it’s held *****,
And the reins are loosely held, and quite slack.

Casually the steed comes to a stop,
And lowers his head to nibble at some grass.
The men, uncertain, both watch the knight,
While each wonders what might now pass.

One of them goes up to the bike,
And opens up the box on the back,
Then takes from it two crash helmets,
And a length of chain, which dangles slack.

He throws a helmet to his crony,
And they each fasten one upon their head.
Then they both turn to face the knight,
Who has not a word utteréd.

The one with the chain lifts it up,
And menacingly starts to whirl it around,
Then slowly walks towards the knight,
Who casually sits, not giving ground.

The other man reaches into his pocket,
Pulling out a wicked flick-knife,
And then, letting the blade spring open,
Prepares to join in with the strife.

He circles round the knight to the rear,
As the other man comes in from the side,
When the knight drops his lance into rest,
And suddenly, off he does ride.

He charges away from the men,
And gallops right past Fern at full speed.
Then, his lance aimed at the motorcycle,
He urges on his racing steed.

The lance pierces into the fuel tank,
And knocks the bike over in the road.
Petrol gushes out in a torrent,
And soon over the tarmac it has flowed.

The lance is broken in twain, the knight drops it,
And very quickly turns his horse about,
Then as he gallops back past the bike,
Both of the men start to shout.

Sparks from the horse’s hoofs come flying,
Igniting the petrol on the road.
Fern gives a shrill scream in panic,
Thinking that the bike might now explode.

The man with the chain wildly flails it,
Desperately trying to hit the horse’s head.
The knight strikes the man with a morning-star,
Who drops down, just like one who’s dead.

The knight then dismounts, drawing his sword,
And silently strides towards the other man,
Who flings away his knife, and starts running,
Fleeing just as fast as ever he can.

Fern sees the fallen man get up,
Rising groggily to stagger to his feet.
He looks at them, and then he turns away,
Slowly stumbling off, not yet too fleet.

Suddenly, the night becomes quite dark.
Clouds again, do the moon obscure.
Fern turns to try to thank the knight.
He’s gone, though she now feels secure.

Confidently she walks towards the bike,
And sees the lance by the fire’s light.
Fern bends and unties the lace from the lance,
And slowly walks back with it through the night.

She reaches her car, and gets inside,
Then starts driving off to get back home.
Belatedly thinking of her husband,
And wondering what next to her will come.

Safely arriving home, Fern parks the car,
And getting out, she sees on the lawn,
A pavilion has there been erected,
Turned rosaceous by the coming dawn.

The horse is also there, grazing tackless,
And by the entrance hangs a well-known targe.
Fern carefully goes and looks inside.
The pavilion’s quite small, not very large.

She sees the knight, kneeling on the ground,
His head bowed, as like one in prayer.
He holds his sword in front, just like a cross,
Of her, he seems not to be aware.

Quietly, Fern withdraws from the pavilion,
Then thinks, of the horse, to get a sight.
It’s nowhere to be seen, she turns around,
The pavilion’s now bathed in golden light.

As Fern stares at it in wonder,
See thinks that she can hear an ætherial sound,
Like a choir of heavenly angels singing,
And the pavilion vanishes from the ground.

Fern sees only a sword, stuck in the lawn,
And hanging from a nearby tree, the shield.
Then reliving what occurred in the night,
To tears of relief, Fern does yield.

She wonders if the knight has been translated,
Having now atoned for his mistake,
And Fern hopes that he’s managed to find peace,
For risking his life for her sake.

Fern hangs the sword above her bed,
And fastens the shield over her door.
She feels much more confidant now,
And is able to do so much more.

Sometimes though, when the moon is full,
Fern goes outside at midnight,
Carrying in her hand a strip of lace,
And seems just to vanish from sight.

At that time, if anyone was around,
They might then hear an unusual sound,
As though a fully accoutred
Ooolywoo Dec 2017
Daydreamer waiting for her surprise
She's always sitting on the bench outside
Watching through the golden glasses
She sees through her eyes a world that unties
Beautiful creatures and where love prevails
She always wonder why her beauty does not impales
As she holds so many wonders
A sweetness in her bright almond eyes, behind the glasses that sat crookedly on her nose
She focused her eyes on a flat prairie
Where the unaccustomed eye sees only ordinary
In hers, the dale was a beautiful swathe of shiny green grasses
Trees are clothed in delicious cream and pink blossom
Jasmines dancing to the winds, choreographing autumn breeze
The sun casting its last golden rays
Changing its yellow into hues of tangerine and fire red
Her perfect world, she whispers
She is a daydreamer
With eyes so full of love that will make you melt
She is beauty and love
Looking at her shadow slowly shrinking down her feet
Only her can see the magic
You will find her outside
Waiting for the man to share the same picturesque landscape
Seeing her reflection on him just like a mirror
Sharing a moment, a smile, a touch, a gaze
Closing their eyes to a slow and soft kiss
Alas; she is still waiting on this
Waiting to meet him flesh and bones
Dreaming about it everyday
This love she's never met,
Yet she seems to glimpse him in every corner
And because of it, her heart craves for blossoming flower
Her heart is bound to a fictional imagery of him
Creating imaginary moments and opportunities
Clinging to a false sign that precipitates desires
The desire to lay her eyes on him and feel his lips on hers
The desire to feel her body shivers with his skin on hers
The desire to feel his heart beating to her caress
the rush in her veins, with just his look
She will be an eternal daydreamer
Until she finds him sitting on the bench outside for her
For an eternity of love
This poem is inspired by the song Daydreamer by Adele
Nigel Morgan Jan 2013
The sun rises tentatively through the forest heights behind the palace. In the pre-dawn light Jia Li has secured water and fuel for her visitors and despite the attentions of the pack horse men, who have returned from an evening at her village the worse for drink, she settles to feed her infant child. Meng Ning enters to seek her counsel. She already guesses his intentions and answers his brief questions with confidence. She knows the route to the Red Slate Path, perhaps four li distant. The path is clear, though little used. It is not a place those of her village visit, though she has learnt that the path itself defies nature’s attempts to cover its existence.
    Zuo Fen is standing on the terrace as Meng Ning returns to the Emperor’s Hall. She has slept deeply, is refreshed after a period of meditation and, despite the cold, has been washed and massaged by her maid. She appears dressed for walking, her boots, fur cloak and hat in purposeful combination. As she surveys the lake flocks of wild geese and duck chatter and squabble as they float on the surface. There are some experimental flights, pairs of duck taking off to fly in wide arcs only to return to the same stretch of water from where they rose in tandem. Soon the geese will leave to fly across the forests and moorland for distant harvested fields where they will spend the day foraging. Meng Ning points to a distant peninsula jutting out from the northern shore of the lake. Behind it, he says, lies the cove of the Red Slate Path. Perhaps there they will be able to understand more keenly the why of this mystery.

‘At such a distance,’ says Zuo Fen, ‘the detail of a boat would be quite lost. I imagine the peninsula acting like a pointing finger to its floating form. There is already fashioning within me a possible story that might explain this mystery.’

She smiles warmly at Meng Ning who bows his head rather than stare into her jade green eyes. She moves closer to his standing posture, taking his left hand secure but tense against the balustrade of the veranda. Lowering one leg before the other she slowly kneels, removing her hat, loosening her fur cloak that now spreads itself of its own accord beside and behind her. With both hands behind her neck she lifts her long hair found to parted and tied in simple peasant fashion. Raising her hands to full-stretch her sleeping hair warm from the bare skin of her back slowly cascades forward and across each of her ******* to curl like two cats in the bowl of her robe.

‘Mei Lim is with Jia Li’, Zuo Fen says curiously and with a voice Meng Ning has not encountered before. ‘I fell to sleep dreaming of your kind presence and the joy of being touched and kissed.’ He cannot see her face as she speaks, only the quivering fall of her hair across her kneeling body. ‘I awoke feeling your breath on my cheek and so brought your limbs to entwine with my own.’ He now senses the delicate unguents of her body; they compass him about, his hand falls from the balustrade to touch her hair.

Finding her right ear his fingers describe its shape, its sculptured relief of folded forms and crevices. He is becoming faint with something outside passion that requires him to go beyond her ear and flow of hair about his fingers. He unties his cloak, letting it drop behind him. He removes his boots and outer garments. She follows his example. He moves to her side, adopts the position of the swallow resting on the wind. They face one another.  To the accompaniment of their breathing, her hands begin a dance in the space between their lower limbs as though they are birds turning and falling in flight. Unlike the courtesans he sees at court her nails are short, her fingers long. Then, it is as though her hand holds a brush forming characters and she begins to write on his body with short deft movements this way that way describing her flight of passion. Some intuition tells him to allow this, and not to seek repricocity, as it seems from her breathing that these very actions give her the greatest delight, bring her to the edge of the first coitus. Eyes closed, he moves his nose into a glancing embrace with her own, feeling there a semblance of perspiration, that tell-tale sign of a woman’s readiness for the deeper embrace. She responds to this with sighs and swift movements of rapture that envelope him, and now, as she quickly brings her limbs into a right conjunction, he places one hand beneath her, the other to recline her body gently to the floor, her cloak becoming a pillow for her head.
    He now looks directly at her, her face expressionless as though all thought and feeling has entered her body in preparation to receive his own. She does not blink. There is a moment of great stillness, a great wave of calm breaks, moves forward and pulls back – and again, again. In an instant he will enter her Jade Gate to caress and kiss and move where only his Lord has visited. He knows that once there he will seal his own fate . . .
     It is the talk of poets that women are often at their most sensitive to love’s attention in the morning hours, and that this was, for so many reasons, the most impractical of times for men. Zuo Fen herself had written fu poems that took the reader to the most intimate moments of a concubine’s experience in the morning hours, those times when alone the body gathers to itself its essential nature, and is often caressed with the woman’s own hand and thoughts. To understand such circumstance, to hold its sweetness as an abiding taste during the formalities of the day, only to release its flavour in the pleasure hours of the night, was a manly attribute, said to be treasured, indeed honoured by women.
      When Meng Ning withdrew Zuo Fen lay for some while letting the unaccustomed circumstance and its location only gradually allow a return to conscious and present thoughts. She pictured now her journey to the Red Slate Path, Jia Li, her baby on her back, striding beside Meng Ning, then herself and finally Mei Lim - who would have entreated her mistress to be allowed to accompany her. There was the glade, a small bowl in the hillside where it was just possible to see a small cave from which, glistening, the broken patterns of the slate path fell after half a li into the lake. She would investigate the cave. She would walk to the water’s edge, where the trees stepped into and reached over the lake to lay a carpet of fallen leaves. Then to see the path gradually, gradually disappear into the depths.
    Whilst Zuo Fen, with her eyes closed, projected her thoughts forward in time, with accustomed tact Mei Lim left those accouterments a woman needs after the attentions of a lover. She feared for the young man, though she knew her Lord prized too much his Lady of The Purple Chamber to effect jealousy or display anger.
    As the sun cleared away the thin cloud and approached its zenith the company broached the crest of the hill above the glade. It was, Zuo Fen had to admit, just as she had imagined lying prone and in disarray in the Emperor’s hall. In silence, and in the company of her imagination, she now paced from cave to path to water, and standing at the very edge of the lake’s bank focused her mind to envisage the events of twenty years past.
     It was as though a rhapsody was already formed. She found herself recounting the tale in her world of characters where there is only present time. She felt her hand describe them with the flow of her brush, heard the sound of its movement across the thick parchment. She was slow to notice that Meng Ning had disrobed and was entering the water. Without a word she watched him move through the carpet of floating leaves, some sticking to his nakedness, and onwards, slowly, following the submerged path until his torso then only his shoulders were visible. She then knew what he hoped to find, even after the passage of so many years.

She saw it all, suddenly. The sorcerer Yang Mo and the Emperor’s second wife descending the Red Slate Path as a cavalcade of fire and smoke, loud flashes of light, noises of brass and clashing metal enveloped the glade and the boat itself. The watching company witnessed for a moment the couple disappear under the waters only for their collective sight to be shrouded in a climaxed confusion of the sorcerer’s devices and effects.

When, finally the smoke cleared, the boat and the lovers had vanished.

Zuo Fen watched Meng Ning disappear from view. She imagined him, as the pearl fishers she had heard tell of, diving down to the depths, holding his breath to seek what might remain of the illusory boat. But time passed beyond the possibility of what she knew could be endured by human-kind. The surface of the water remained unbroken. The division of open water made by Meng Ning in breaking apart the carpet of floating leaves was already reforming itself.
   Removing her cloak and her boots, and unpinning her hair, Zuo Fen stepped into the water. A memory floated towards her of bathing in the lake near to her summer retreat. Water held no fear for her, only now the cold consumed her. Her loosed hair, and her elaborate untied robe settled on the water’s surface: to surround her like a lily pad, she the budding flower at its centre. She felt her feet still firmly on the Red Slate Path, her chin now resting on the water’s surface. Whatever had happened to Meng Ning she knew her action to be compliant. She had immersed herself with the very element that had brought him either death or, as she knew in her heart, a most honorable escape.
Ian Miranda Nov 2012
Rubber erases
deep spaces
line traces
where her face is

Her smile cracked
lips smacked
eyes tacked
fade to black

Imperfection
turned dissection
forgot protection
late detection

She weeps
Because she hears it sleep
Fearing it may seep
the scars just as deep

Now she cries
sad lullabies
emotion unties...


Rubber erases
deep spaces
line traces
where her place is

Lost and torn
her heart out-worn
her body scorned
her mind forlorn

Rubber erases
deep spaces
line traces
where her base is

Rubber erases
deep spaces
line traces

Rubber erases
deep spaces

Rubber erases

Rubber
Donall Dempsey Dec 2017
THE...DREAM UNTIES...THE WRITING AND/THE/WORDS//JUST FALL /IN/A/SENSELESS/HEAP/AT/MY/FEET. . .

In my dream
I am

everything

not only the ball of thread
unraveling

but Ariadne’s trembling hand

and a frightened Theseus
as the echo of his footsteps

are erased by the silence

that rebounds

from these spiraling walls

until finally
reaching the center

of all this horror

I find that I am
the Minotaur

roaring with fear
and pain and anger and shame

and then I

wake up

words useless words
scattered about my feet

stupid
stupid

as tears.
Man was made of social earth,
Child and brother from his birth;
Tethered by a liquid cord
Of blood through veins of kindred poured,
Next his heart the fireside band
Of mother, father, sister, stand;
Names from awful childhood heard,
Throbs of a wild religion stirred,
Their good was heaven, their harm was vice,
Till Beauty came to snap all ties,
The maid, abolishing the past,
With lotus-wine obliterates
Dear memory's stone-incarved traits,
And by herself supplants alone
Friends year by year more inly known.
When her calm eyes opened bright,
All were foreign in their light.
It was ever the self-same tale,
The old experience will not fail,—
Only two in the garden walked,
And with snake and seraph talked.

But God said;
I will have a purer gift,
There is smoke in the flame;
New flowerets bring, new prayers uplift,
And love without a name.
Fond children, ye desire
To please each other well;
Another round, a higher,
Ye shall climb on the heavenly stair,
And selfish preference forbear;
And in right deserving,
And without a swerving
Each from your proper state,
Weave roses for your mate.

Deep, deep are loving eyes,
Flowed with naphtha fiery sweet,
And the point is Paradise
Where their glances meet:
Their reach shall yet be more profound,
And a vision without bound:
The axis of those eyes sun-clear
Be the axis of the sphere;
Then shall the lights ye pour amain
Go without check or intervals,
Through from the empyrean walls,
Unto the same again.

Close, close to men,
Like undulating layer of air,
Right above their heads,
The potent plain of Dæmons spreads.
Stands to each human soul its own,
For watch, and ward, and furtherance
In the snares of nature's dance;
And the lustre and the grace
Which fascinate each human heart,
Beaming from another part,
Translucent through the mortal covers,
Is the Dæmon's form and face.
To and fro the Genius hies,
A gleam which plays and hovers
Over the maiden's head,
And dips sometimes as low as to her eyes.

Unknown, — albeit lying near, —
To men the path to the Dæmon sphere,
And they that swiftly come and go,
Leave no track on the heavenly snow.
Sometimes the airy synod bends,
And the mighty choir descends,
And the brains of men thenceforth,
In crowded and in still resorts,
Teem with unwonted thoughts.
As when a shower of meteors
Cross the orbit of the earth,
And, lit by fringent air,
Blaze near and far.
Mortals deem the planets bright
Have slipped their sacred bars,
And the lone ****** all the night
Sails astonished amid stars.

Beauty of a richer vein,
Graces of a subtler strain,
Unto men these moon-men lend,
And our shrinking sky extend.
So is man's narrow path
By strength and terror skirted,
Also (from the song the wrath
Of the Genii be averted!
The Muse the truth uncolored speaking),
The Dæmons are self-seeking;
Their fierce and limitary will
Draws men to their likeness still.

The erring painter made Love blind,
Highest Love who shines on all;
Him radiant, sharpest-sighted god
None can bewilder;
Whose eyes pierce
The Universe,
Path-finder, road-builder,
Mediator, royal giver,
Rightly-seeing, rightly-seen,
Of joyful and transparent mien.
'Tis a sparkle passing
From each to each, from me to thee,
Perpetually,
Sharing all, daring all,
Levelling, misplacing
Each obstruction, it unites
Equals remote, and seeming opposites.
And ever and forever Love
Delights to build a road;
Unheeded Danger near him strides,
Love laughs, and on a lion rides.
But Cupid wears another face
Born into Dæmons less divine,
His roses bleach apace,
His nectar smacks of wine.
The Dæmon ever builds a wall,
Himself incloses and includes,
Solitude in solitudes:
In like sort his love doth fall.
He is an oligarch,
He prizes wonder, fame, and mark,
He loveth crowns,
He scorneth drones;
He doth elect
The beautiful and fortunate,
And the sons of intellect,
And the souls of ample fate,
Who the Future's gates unbar,
Minions of the Morning Star.
In his prowess he exults,
And the multitude insults.
His impatient looks devour
Oft the humble and the poor,
And, seeing his eye glare,
They drop their few pale flowers
Gathered with hope to please
Along the mountain towers,
Lose courage, and despair.
He will never be gainsaid,
Pitiless, will not be stayed.
His hot tyranny
Burns up every other tie;
Therefore comes an hour from Jove
Which his ruthless will defies,
And the dogs of Fate unties.
Shiver the palaces of glass,
Shrivel the rainbow-colored walls
Where in bright art each god and sibyl dwelt
Secure as in the Zodiack's belt;
And the galleries and halls
Wherein every Siren sung,
Like a meteor pass.
For this fortune wanted root
In the core of God's abysm,
Was a **** of self and schism:
And ever the Dæmonic Love
Is the ancestor of wars,
And the parent of remorse.
134

Perhaps you’d like to buy a flower,
But I could never sell—
If you would like to borrow,
Until the Daffodil

Unties her yellow Bonnet
Beneath the village door,
Until the Bees, from Clover rows
Their Hock, and Sherry, draw,

Why, I will lend until just then,
But not an hour more!
Terry Collett Jun 2015
Yiska wants to take Benny home with her after school and whisk him past her mother and up to her room but she knows her mother would watch her like a hawk especially if she had Benny in tow and would ask her all sorts of questions and where do you think you are going with him? but she can dream about it dream she has brought him home and as she passes her mother in the kitchen her mother in one of her dark moods preparing dinner she climbs the stairs slowly imagining Benny is behind her walking up the stairs probably watching her legs or her *** his eyes glued but she doesn't know so she imagines he is and when she gets to the top of the stairs she pauses on the landing and looks down the stairs and waits listening to the radio her mother has just turned on some classical stuff she pauses there pretending Benny has stopped her and has put his arms around her waist and has laid his hands on her *** and she believes she can feel it his hands his fingers moving but it's in the head in her imagination but no harm in pretending so she lingers there for a short duration looking along the landing wrapping her own arms about herself kissing her shoulder don't forget to change out of your school uniform her mother calls out from below stairs I won't she calls back hugging herself extra tight patting her own *** with a hand as she hoped he would do if he were there and they were standing where she is now and put your ***** blouse in the linen basket her mother calls up ok she calls back unhugging herself walking along the landing walking past her parent's room tempted to peek in wondering if she should just a quick glimpse she stops outside her parent's room and opens the door quietly and peers inside imagining she has Benny beside her and she's showing him inside at the big double bed the tallboy the dressing table where her mother has all her make up and perfumes and drugs for her depression and hairbrushes and the mirror facing her and she says to herself-and the imagined Benny- nice bed what you reckon? make a good bed to do it in? the room smells of perfume of all kinds and a scent of bodies and staleness she is tempted to go lay on the bed and feel it beneath her and makes out they are doing things him beside her touching her and she kisses him and he putting his hand along her thigh and make sure you fold up your school skirt and jumper I don't want it just thrown anywhere her mother calls up to her from downstairs she closes the door to her parent's room and says loudly down the stairs I will fold them up and walks to her own room taking Benny’s imagined hand in hers and enters her own room and closes the door behind her and looks around the room as if through his eyes her mother has been in here and tidied up put things away picked up stuff from the floor taken away the tea plate she'd left there the night before and the soiled linen she'd let drop by the bed she stands there and sighs a window is open to let in air-breath of fresh air her mother calls it-the curtains flap in the breeze sounds from neighbours in their gardens kids from down the street she goes to the window and closes it and looks out at the surrounding area making out Benny’s still behind her his arms around her waist his lips kissing her neck she closes the curtains and stares around the room focusing on her single bed with its pink flowery cover her mother bought her Teddy Bear  now ageing by her pillow not that big she says over her shoulder to the pretend Benny but we could still do it if we're careful she whispers to herself she sits on the bed and stares at her Teddy some nights he is Benny and she hugs him and kisses him and has him next to her as she settles down but Teddy's a lousy lover he does nothing and says nothing she sits the make believe Benny next to her on the bed imagines his hand is tapping the bed be ok Benny says using her voice she stands up and begins to take off her school jumper unbuttoning the green buttons and pulling off and dropping it on the bed then unties the green patterned tie and takes it off and tosses it over her shoulder she sighs closes her eyes you unbutton the blouse she tells the make believe Benny and her fingers unbutton the blouse one by one slowly and once it is unbuttoned she lets his fingers-hers really- take it off of her body and drop it onto the floor what do you think? she asks him shall l take off the skirt or you? her fingers unzip the zip and pulls it down and once loose the skirt falls to the floor and she kicks it across the room and stands there eyes closed pretending he is studying her in her small bra and ******* she waits for his words his comments what are you doing there? and why are the clothes scattered all over the place her mother says from the open door Yiska opens her eyes and stares at her mother standing sullen faced by her bedroom door day dreaming Yiska says about what? her mother asks picking up the school skirt from the floor and folding it neatly and gazing at her daughter stern eyed just day dreaming Yiska says watching her mother putting the clothes in a pile and picking the ***** blouse from the floor and holding the soiled linen in her hands this room was tidy why untidy it? her mother says sorry wasn't thinking Yiska says glad her mother couldn't read her thoughts or see the imagined Benny kissing her neck and whose right hand was fondling her right *** because if she could she'd have a fit.
A GIRL DAYDREAMS OF A BOY AT SCHOOL AND TAKING HIM HOME IN 1962.
I've been going right on, page by page,
since we last kissed, two long dolls in a cage,
two hunger-mongers throwing a myth in and out,
double-crossing out lives with doubt,
leaving us separate now, fogy with rage.

But then I've told my readers what I think
and scrubbed out the remainder with my shrink,
have placed my bones in a jar as if possessed,
have pasted a black wing over my left breast,
have washed the white out of the moon at my sink,

have eaten The Cross, have digested its lore,
indeed, have loved that eggless man once more,
have placed my own head in the kettle because
in the end death won't settle for my hypochondrias,
because this errand we're on goes to one store.

That shopkeeper may put up barricades,
and he may advertise cognac and razor blades,
he may let you dally at Nice or the Tuileries,
he may let the state of our bowels have ascendancy,
he may let such as we flaunt our escapades,

swallow down our portion of whisky and dex,
salvage the day with some soup or some ***,
juggle our teabags as we inch down the hall,
let the blood out of our fires with phenobarbital,
lick the headlines for Starkweathers and Specks,

let us be folk of the literary set,
let us deceive with words the critics regret,
let us dog down the streets for each invitation,
typing out our lives like a Singer sewing sublimation,
letting our delicate bottoms settle and yet

they were spanked alive by some doctor of folly,
given a horn or a dish to get by with, by golly,
exploding with blood in this errand called life,
dumb with snow and elbows, rubber man, a mother wife,
tongues to waggle out of the words, mistletoe and holly,

tables to place our stones on, decades of disguises,
wntil the shopkeeper plants his boot in our eyes,
and unties our bone and is finished with the case,
and turns to the next customer, forgetting our face
or how we knelt at the yellow bulb with sighs
like moth wings for a short while in a small place.
Natalie Jan 2022
And then
quite unexpectedly
the sound of your laugh
unties the knots
I have been keeping around my soul
your eyes
are intense
and I’m scared
don’t make me regret this

please.

“Hello.”
a moment of clarity
a single drop of sensibility
and reason unveals itself
making me crazier

the knot unties itself
the rope unravels
and I begin my descent
into the unknown

beautiful unknown
it excites me just to think you

I know not, but it's clear to me...

...you have waited for me
as I've just realized
I have waited for you

the truth is pure insanity!
LC Apr 2021
it presses my shoulder blades,
ties my neck muscles into knots,
then settles deep within my chest.
the pain is the first sign
that my body is haunted.
it then puts my thoughts
on a hamster wheel.
they run in circles
without an escape.
this is the second sign.
but my heart takes control.
it voices my thoughts
so they can be seen and heard.
it stops spinning the wheel,
slowly comes out of my chest,
unties the knots in my neck
and lets go of my shoulder blades,
and my body does not feel its weight.
#escapril day 4!
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
waking me up without saying farewell
to the ties i have knotted in my dreams
because reality unties them without asking.
waking me up without warning
you speak through cold hard teeth life is what you make it,
living through dreams will only drown your luck.
face facts, i'd rather face your face and kiss it in my dreams

in my dreams
you are waking me up to a hollow grave
cause your love is dead to me
like roseless stems and winter tree limbs

waking me up from daydreams
you said i should be here not there
but in reality i am falling to pieces
in my dreams i am collected into one gallery of what i want to be
and isn't that so wrong?
Grizzo May 2015
I’m hungrier lately, not because I never eat,
no, my usual diet of everything just seems to be

bland,

I’m hungry for words that do more
than echo deep into my eardrums,

I’m hungry for eyes that see more
than literal words on a page,

I’m hungry for fingertips with minds
of their own and empty palms

grown tired of holding air,

I’m hungry for my nose hairs to be
tickled with the forgotten scents of childhood,

I’m hungry for another tongue to touch
mine in search of Truth, or at the very

least a lie
you can love,

So today, I won’t be having the usual,
Give me yesterday’s special,
and do the same for me tomorrow,

that way we have a little bit of time
to let them talk about it,

and they will talk of your cooking
and my hunger until your apron

unties

and I’ve had my fill
of all the extraordinary things
we let eat us, that culminate

into this dish called
Life with a steady helping
of an unknown spice.
matt d mattson Apr 2010
I know a girl with bright blue eyes
I fear that I may soon despise
For every time I start to hope
I come out feeling like a dope

Every word's a bit of rope
And each encounter is a *****
But I cannot climb out the trough
Instead I find myself aloft

Hanging from the rope I tied
With my sentiments denied
But I never meet the end
For the hangmen is that friend

The girl who ties and then unties
The rope that hangs me from the skies
Each time I hope that things will change
But instead things rearrange

Slightly different than before
A variation on the score
But the music ends the same
Because it is the same ole game

But I cannot quit the field
Nor will I bend knee and yield
Instead I'll stand my ground  and say
You cannot stop love...only delay
Matthew D. Mattson April 26, 2010
Speed demons.  
They wait for me under my bed and whisper my name into the night.

They sink vampire teeth between my eyes,
inject awful toxins that make my mind throb,
pulsing pain like a second heartbeat.

Thump.
               Thump.
                              Thump.

I battle.  
I ignore.  
I cry alone into the night.  

I clutch my sweat-stained sheets,
trying to grasp reality as vivid hallucinations of another dimension
dance across my vision, a world of
***, drugs, and rock and roll.

It’s ******.  It’s sensual.  
It’s perfection, my forbidden fruit,
tempting, red, succulent, delicious,
rocks my body like an untamed sea,
unties the ropes of blue that pin my brain to D
                                                                                  O
                                                                                     W
                                                                                         N
and let me run free.
                                                                            P.
Free. Running Free. Flying High.  So Far U

I can barely breathe, my heart is racing
And this is only memories.  
My head flutters at the idea of flying again.  
And I ache and I pine the touch that only speed can give me,
a high that takes me to heaven on earth.

But still I battle.  I battle for my friends.

They cry, they get upset.  
They tell me I’ve changed,
riding an emotional rollercoaster straight to hell
to blow lines with the big man in red.  
They see a demon inside my sunken face.  They just want me.

To own me.
To own my body.
Once Again.

They plea, they want to help.  
Call, text, show up, knock at my door.  
We will tend to your broken baby bird body.

My body is breaking.

I am frail.  I am small.  I am hollow.  
I am cold, all the time.  My kidneys ache, my head screams,
my weight disappears faster than I can choke down bites of mediocre sandwiches.  
I am tired.  I am sad.  I hole up in my bed for hours
drowsily listening to the sweet sultry voices under my bed.

But I fight.  I say no.  I cry.  And I yearn.  
I never stop wanting those ******* pills.
Donall Dempsey Dec 2018
THE...DREAM UNTIES...THE WRITING AND/THE/WORDS//JUST FALL /IN/A/SENSELESS/HEAP/AT/MY/FEET. . .

In my dream
I am

everything

not only the ball of thread
unraveling

but Ariadne’s trembling hand

and a frightened Theseus
as the echo of his footsteps

are erased by the silence

that rebounds

from these spiraling walls

until finally
reaching the center

of all this horror

I find that I am
the Minotaur

roaring with fear
and pain and anger and shame

and then I

wake up

words useless words
scattered about my feet

stupid
stupid

as tears.
DJ Jul 2017
Suicide.
So permanent.
So painful.

Do you have siblings?
If so,
Then let's imagine this,
One night,
Everything gets too much to bare,
Your head goes psychotic,
Your body goes numb,
You take that rope and hang yourself.
The next morning,
You're siblings run into your room,
Wanting to wake you up for breakfast,
When they see you hanging there,
Blue lips,
Cold body,
Dead eyes.
Their screams are piercing.
Then your mother comes running in,
Leaving the eggs to burn,
As she sees you hanging,
She screams as she unties the rope,
And you fall lifeless into her arms.
Her screams and tears.
Your siblings grow more and more each year.
Always haunted with the image of your body.
Your younger sister?
She has started to self harm and has landed herself in the hospital.
Your brother?
He tried shooting himself through the heart but missed by a centimeter.
Your mother?
She killed herself.
Leaving your siblings to the care of your father.

Do you live alone?
If so,
Let's imagine this,
You miss work for an entire week.
No call no show,
Which is totally out of character for you.
None of your family has heard from you.
You missed your weekly call with your mother.
Your best friend hasn't heard from you all week.
You missed your rent.
So your best friend (who has a key)
Enters your house/apartment,
And they see you laying on the bathroom floor,
In a week old puddle of blood,
Flies all over you,
Your body reeks of death,
The blade is laying right beside you on the floor.
Your best friend collapses,
Hand over mouth,
Loss of breath,
Unable to move.
They try calling 911,
But their hands are way to shaky.
So they scream as loud as possible,
While cradling your dead body.
And after a week of thinking it was their fault,
That they should've seen it,
That they could've done something,
They take a gun and pull the trigger.

An only child?
If so,
Let's imagine this,
Your parents are asleep,
Your dog is in your room,
But the dog is whining so loud,
Your mom tells your father to go check on the dog,
So he gets up,
Barely awake,
Locates the sound of the dog,
And opens your door,
Seeing your dead body.
His eyes go wide,
He screams for your mother to call an ambulance,
He grabs your body,
Cradling you,
Pushing the hair out of your face,
And telling himself that it was his fault.
That he was the reason for it all.
That he should've stopped it.
That he shouldn't have gone to sleep.
He starts drinking away his pain,
But he becomes an abusive drunk,
And starts beating your mother.
Until she files for divorce and split.
Your father ends up homeless and a drunk,
Your mother ends up dead in a year.

Are you being abused?
If so,
Let's imagine this,
Your abusers wind up finding you dead,
Not that big of a deal,
They knew it would happen,
But they didn't know that you could do something like this,
They end up charged with first degree manslaughter.
But that school you went to?
Yeah,
That person you played with at recess in elementary,
They knew about the abuse,
They knew about the depression,
And they blame themselves.
And then they end up self harming.
Until they end up accidentally killing themselves.
Your teachers?
Yeah,
Your favorite teacher that saw the bruises,
But did nothing about it,
Just got fired for slacking off.
And your other teachers?
They retired because they couldn't even look at where you used to sit,
Without breaking down,
They all cared.
That person who had a secret crush on you was heartbroken.
Your friends all cared.
Your teachers cared.

No matter what,
Everyone has a purpose.
No one deserves death.
No one desereves the pain of wanting to die,
Suicide stops your pain,
By transferring it to someone else.
It kills two people.
g clair Feb 2014
His final passage
all it took
to get this girl
to read the book
he'd asked her twice
before he died
she said she'd started it
but lied

His point was made
she'd do her best
fulfill this day
his last request
for now, what's sure
she's hanging on
to every word
because he's gone

and once aboard
she's hauled to sea
no pleasure cruise
but misery
she stands her watch
from noon till nine
he drinks his scotch
she sips her wine

He holds the course
and surely keeps
the surging seas
from where she sleeps
and once her grieving
eases some
she's finds his voice
a comfort from

the memories
she reads his words
through tear filled eyes
her ears have heard
and now she enters
into his
her mind alive
with images

of life beyond
this mortal soul
of turquoise seas
and sandy shoal
she mulls each chapter
of this book
and smells the sea
and baits the hook

and climbs the mast
up to top
unties the sails
and let's them drop
and pulled into uncertainty
the ship sails through
calamity
but never does
she doubt the man
who said he could
she knows he can

and reading on
she comes to see
the trip was really
meant to be
for all her days
she's been alone
sometimes by choice
though seeds were sown

but landing here
on troubled water
no one found
his only daughter
and left to find
her own way home
to settle down
or wait and roam

she's simply learned
to stay afloat
while others love
and others dote
on children born
to entertain
she'd prayed for babies
but got rain

the wind kicks up
her heart still bleeding
blames herself
for never heeding
youthful dreams
for fear of failing
SUDDENLY
she's out here sailing!

now rising from
the galley door
the smell of fresh
baked bread and more-
sea-salt blends
with airborne yeast
and draws her down
to taste the feast

she swings the rope
from deck to ladder
there's her Dad
a little fatter
the captain calls
all hands on deck
a storm is brewing
still they check

to see what's cooking
time to eat
for work requires
mortal meat
and in the middle
of the story
here's her father's
pride and glory

pictures taped
upon the wall
his two best girls
and that's not all
a golden key
on nail in teak
she'll watch him knead
while floorboards creak

she stands beside
and learns his ways
for he was gone
most of her days
out to sea to make a living
and mama said
he's always giving

now she listens as he praying
for wife and child
what's this he's saying?
"Bless them both
while I'm away,
lead them safely
through the day"

while fishermen
have dropped their nets
he speaks of losses
and regrets
that one small daughter
missed her dad
he never knew
just what he had

and once again
the ride resumes
across a sea
of oil plumes
and men are hardly
scarce she finds
her father's story
now unwinds

he fought this battle
with his crew
while stirring up
a *** of stew
his Guif, the sea,
was once so clear
he loved to fish
and held it dear

the tales within
this mariner's log
Would pull her head
out of the fog
he's taught her how
to sail the sea
to feel the wind
which sets her free

from thinking it's
about the past
to taking hold
of things which last
and using what's
inside of you
to break the cycle
cook the stew

to forge ahead
and let it go
you must read on
or never know
now seeing that
his book will end
she slows her eyes
and takes his pen

and writes a note
on every page
attempting to now
quell the rage
for how could he
who claimed to love
allow her pain
to rise above

the peaceful calm
she's found within
his final passage
'tis a sin
and still, one day
he shouts "LAND **!'
the end approaches
heart in tow

she will not greet
the writer's end
nor leave this place
of make-pretend
She will not listen
anymore

but drops her anchor
just off shore
and won't accept
the last surprise
but stills his voice
and shuts his eyes
she fights against
the frothy foam
while bailing water
from her own

she cannot bear
to lose him twice
his loving presence
his sound advice
on written pages
this the book
about his life
at sea
the cook

for days to come
the text will sit
with marker near
the end of it
for this her only
comfort now
to know he waits
for her somehow

and days will come
and days will turn
to weeks, then months
a year to burn
the only way
for this old lass
to ever move
beyond the pass

to go and read
the final pages
put to rest
her rock of ages
to do the only
thing she can
to free herself
from limbo land

She finds the book
upon her shelf
and opening
it for herself
She'll read the words
the man had written
years before
when he was smitten

on that page
and by his hand
a blessing that
he'd always planned
to read her on
her wedding day
the daughter he
would give away

"Be sure to love
the one you're with,
and this my girl
your wedding gift"
and tucked within
the jacket there
a little clipping
of her hair

a poem she'd done
when she was nine
and two more things
within the spine
a lock box number
and that key
this man, he loved
a mystery...

.@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@

Today she rides
upon the seas
and sails around
the Florida Keys
she drops her anchor
swims to shore
the waves won't scare her
anymore

and just last year
she met a guy
a salty sailor
with just one eye
he'd seen the movie
lived the book
not the ending
just the hook.
Dedicated to my father, Vincent "Vinny" Morrone,  who inspired me to write poetry  long before His Final Passage on July 6, 2013. He heard this poem and liked it. He liked them all and would say " Publish that". I told him I did...On my blog! One day I will put them in a coffee table book...for dad.  Thanks, Dad. I love you. XOX
g clair Nov 2015
His final passage
all it took
to get this girl
to read the book
he'd asked her twice
before he died
she said she'd started it
but lied

His point was made
she'd do her best
fulfill this day
his last request
for now, what's sure
she's hanging on
to every word
because he's gone

and once aboard
she's hauled to sea
no pleasure cruise
but misery
she stands her watch
from noon till nine
he drinks his scotch
she sips her wine

He holds the course
and surely keeps
the surging seas
from where she sleeps
and once her grieving
eases some
she's finds his voice
a comfort from

the memories
she reads his words
through tear filled eyes
her ears have heard
and now she enters
into his
her mind alive
with images

of life beyond
this mortal soul
of turquoise seas
and sandy shoal
she mulls each chapter
of this book
and smells the sea
and baits the hook

and climbs the mast
up to top
unties the sails
and let's them drop
and pulled into uncertainty
the ship sails through
calamity
but never does
she doubt the man
who said he could
she knows he can

and reading on
she comes to see
the trip was really
meant to be
for all her days
she's been alone
sometimes by choice
though seeds were sown

but landing here
on troubled water
no one found
his only daughter
and left to find
her own way home
to settle down
or wait and roam

she's simply learned
to stay afloat
while others love
and others dote
on children born
to entertain
she'd prayed for babies
but got rain

the wind kicks up
her heart still bleeding
blames herself
for never heeding
youthful dreams
for fear of failing
SUDDENLY
she's out here sailing!

now rising from
the galley door
the smell of fresh
baked bread and more-
sea-salt blends
with airborne yeast
and draws her down
to taste the feast

she swings the rope
from deck to ladder
there's her Dad
a little fatter
the captain calls
all hands on deck
a storm is brewing
still they check

to see what's cooking
time to eat
for work requires
mortal meat
and in the middle
of the story
here's her father's
pride and glory

pictures taped
upon the wall
his two best girls
and that's not all
a golden key
on nail in teak
she'll watch him knead
while floorboards creak

she stands beside
and learns his ways
for he was gone
most of her days
out to sea to make a living
and mama said
he's always giving

now she listens as he praying
for wife and child
what's this he's saying?
"Bless them both
while I'm away,
lead them safely
through the day"

while fishermen
have dropped their nets
he speaks of losses
and regrets
that one small daughter
missed her dad
he never knew
just what he had

and once again
the ride resumes
across a sea
of oil plumes
and men are hardly
scarce she finds
her father's story
now unwinds

he fought this battle
with his crew
while stirring up
a *** of stew
his Guif, the sea,
was once so clear
he loved to fish
and held it dear

the tales within
this mariner's log
Would pull her head
out of the fog
he's taught her how
to sail the sea
to feel the wind
which sets her free

from thinking it's
about the past
to taking hold
of things which last
and using what's
inside of you
to break the cycle
cook the stew

to forge ahead
and let it go
you must read on
or never know
now seeing that
his book will end
she slows her eyes
and takes his pen

and writes a note
on every page
attempting to now
quell the rage
for how could he
who claimed to love
allow her pain
to rise above

the peaceful calm
she's found within
his final passage
'tis a sin
and still, one day
he shouts "LAND **!'
the end approaches
heart in tow

she will not greet
the writer's end
nor leave this place
of make-pretend
She will not listen
anymore
but drops her anchor
just off shore

and won't accept
the last surprise
but stills his voice
and shuts his eyes
she fights against
the frothy foam
while bailing water
from her own

she cannot bear
to lose him twice
his loving presence
his sound advice
on written pages
this the book
about his life
at sea
the cook

for days to come
the text will sit
with marker near
the end of it
for this her only
comfort now
to know he waits
for her somehow

and days will come
and days will turn
to weeks, then months
a year to burn
the only way
for this old lass
to ever move
beyond the pass

to go and read
the final pages
put to rest
her rock of ages
to do the only
thing she can
to free herself
from limbo land

She finds the book
upon her shelf
and opening
it for herself
She'll read the words
the man had written
years before
when he was smitten

on that page
and by his hand
a blessing that
he'd always planned
to read her on
her wedding day
the daughter he
would give away

"Be sure to love
the one you're with,
and this my girl
your wedding gift"
and tucked within
the jacket there
a little clipping
of her hair

a poem she'd done
when she was nine
and two more things
within the spine
a lock box number
and that key
this man, he loved
a mystery...

.@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@>@

Today she rides
upon the seas
and sails around
the Florida Keys
she drops her anchor
swims to shore
the waves won't scare her
anymore

and just last year
she met a guy
a salty sailor
with just one eye
he'd seen the movie
lived the book
this, not the ending
just the hook.
Donall Dempsey Dec 2023
THE...DREAM UNTIES...THE WRITING AND/THE/WORDS//JUST FALL /IN/A/SENSELESS/HEAP/AT/MY/FEET. . .

In my dream
I am

everything

not only the ball of thread
unraveling

but Ariadne’s trembling hand

and a frightened Theseus
as the echo of his footsteps

are erased by the silence

that rebounds

from these spiraling walls

until finally
reaching the center

of all this horror

I find that I am
the Minotaur

roaring with fear
and pain and anger and shame

and then I

wake up

words useless words
scattered about my feet

stupid
stupid

as tears.
Dylan Feb 2012
Bright shining light in the darkness of night;
Shapeless transcendence comes billowing out,
Filling my head with six figures of peace.

What could I call you, if your name's my own?
Tracing the silence and words leading home,
I stepped out the door and wandered alone.

But this bright shining light in the farness of sight
Unties my wings so my thoughts can take flight
And beckons me on with dreams ever more.

What could I call you if my thoughts didn't soar?
Facing the waters, embracing the shore,
I stepped off the moor and wandered alone.

But this bright shining light on the horizon,
I beg you to tell me who I am
for then I may know who you are.
Darby Hewitt Oct 2014
choking on the words that wouldn't let you be.
everyone tried to show you, even me.

biting your fingers and twisting your hair,
it wont make it easier.
not one bit, i swear.

stubborn, even stuck.
do you ever wonder whats with your twisted luck?

reaching out for a helping hand,
you're down on your knees.
the pressure wont let you stand.

your chest tightens and you begin to lose the ability to see.
you think to yourself "i can't be okay, this isn't me".  

you long for that pill,
it makes you feel alright.
it gives you the guts to walk alone at night.

the man made medicine floats through the veins in your skin.
the excruciating experience is just about over.
so when your tongue unties and you can focus,
just promise me one thing.

promise me it wont take you,
promise you wont let it win.

*-dh
Donall Dempsey Dec 2019
THE...DREAM UNTIES...THE WRITING AND/THE/WORDS//JUST FALL /IN/A/SENSELESS/HEAP/AT/MY/FEET. . .

In my dream
I am

everything

not only the ball of thread
unraveling

but Ariadne’s trembling hand

and a frightened Theseus
as the echo of his footsteps

are erased by the silence

that rebounds

from these spiraling walls

until finally
reaching the center

of all this horror

I find that I am
the Minotaur

roaring with fear
and pain and anger and shame

and then I

wake up

words useless words
scattered about my feet

stupid
stupid

as tears.
Annie Quill May 2014
Sometimes I feel like I’m in a vat of molasses,

Stuck,

Unable to move,

But on the outside I’m still moving,

Smiling,

Laughing,

Hiding,

Lying,

And sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in the shadows,

Tied down,

Kept in an unending circle of thoughts,

Forced to relive my darkest moments,

Hearing the words said to me by others,

‘Freak,’

‘Ugly,’

‘Idiot, ‘

‘Stupid,’

‘Shut up!’

‘No one cares!’

‘Why should I listen to you?’

‘******,’

‘****** *****,’

‘Yeah, so?’

‘Was I talking to you?’

‘Go away!’

‘We don’t want you here!’

‘Go somewhere else!’

And after a while new ones are added, ones said by my own brain to me,

I’m a freak,

I’m a good for nothing,

I’m a loser,

I’m never going to amount to anything,

I’m Hideous,

If I’m not carful they’ll know I’m weird and tell me to leave,

Who cares what I have to say?

I’m worthless,

My writing’s s**t,

I’m fat,

I’m weak,

I should have run farther,

Look at me, can’t even do a pull up,

And sometimes I feel so wrapped up in those thoughts that I can’t even breathe,

Can’t pull myself out,

Can’t look up,

Can’t get out of the shadows,

Can’t see the light,

I feel so lonely,

Too caught up in the looks others give me to see the smiles of my friends,

Sometimes I feel like I’m caught in the dark,

Sometimes I feel like the shadows will consume me,

Sometimes I need someone to pass me a torch to beat off the shadows and ward off the darkness,

Sometimes I need someone to pull me out of the vat of molasses,

Sometimes I need someone to see past the smiles,

Sometimes I need someone to see the girl tied down in the shadows,

Sometimes I need someone to untie me,

Sometimes I need someone to break the circle of thoughts,

Sometimes I need someone to wave away my darkest moments,

Sometimes I need someone to combat what others and myself say,

To say that I’m worth it,

I’ll succeed,

I’m beautiful,

That they will never leave,

I belong here,

Don’t go,

Stay,

We’ll never make you leave,

What do you think?

You’re worth something,

Your writing’s great,

You’re strong,


Other times when I’m in the light,

I see those who are in the shadows,

And then I’m the one who beats off the shadows,

I’m the one who passes the torch,

I’m the one who wards off the darkness,

I’m the one who pulls them out of the vat of molasses,

I’m the one who sees past the smiles,

I’m the one who unties them,

I’m the one who breaks the circle of thoughts,

I’m the one who combats the words,

I’m the one who offers companionship,

I’m the one who gives the encouraging words,

I’m the one who helps,

I’m the one who saves a life.

— The End —