held onto your hands,
When you faltered,
Even though they were,
Only dust and fire,
And let you singe,
An abyss through my broken veins.
You left me there,
Bleeding under a lamppost,
When I stared up into its pale light,
And wondered if I have enough pain,
To flow it through tears because,
Even though you left me, I couldn't cry.
Instead I scream into the stillness,
of this never ending moment,
Speak words that,
No one knows anymore,
In concrete whispers,
That unravels into a broken stutter.
I'll drown into depths of something,
That is unknown to me,
Just to feel the terror,
Because since the fall,
I haven't felt anything,
It scares me to think I'm feelingless.
Because it's the dead,
Who don't feel anything,
Because their nerves disintegrate,
Like brittle prices of art scattered on tiled floor,
And their hearts are meshed into sand,
And they can't return, can't live,
It scares me that they can't breathe,
But I'll touch them through thoughts,
And my obliterated wishful thinking,
I'll touch them through my memories,
It's nothing but illusions that seem real,
I'll have to remind myself, I'm still alive.
I might not see next sunrise,
This unsettling unsureness,
Tingling my fingertips,
In nervous floods and
Chaotic landslides,
Forever potent in my blood.
But at last I've learned to live every moment,
Because I can dance in arms of sunlight,
When they're saying she's dancing alone,
They're saying she's insane,
Because I laugh at sky because it's raining,
I can hear the thunder telling me, that I seem alive.
I'll touch the rainbow through,
My color-splattered canvas,
I could hold a fluorescent star,
And can you see?
I can break the stars,
From that infinite blue sky.
I can empty my memories into an ocean,
And see them sifting through sand,
Drifting in high tides and undecided waves,
See, your memory is among those too,
It's time I turn away and never turn back,
I know this because the moon told me.
I calculate their smiles for confused looks,
When they tell me I've gone crazy,
I can tell them I live more than they ever have.
They don't know what is living,
Every moment like it's the last one.
I know, because I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive.
