Fifteen uniform clouds
Roll across the prairie
In a neat little line on the horizon
Kicking up dust storms as they go
Hurrying along
Silently
The settlers driving their wagons
Keeping their lips tight
And their eyes sharp
Because there are Indians
Lurking behind every rock
Bandits and thieves
Waiting in the hills
Snakes
Scorpions
Buffalo
Guns
Disease
Separation
Heartache
­ Might surprise them at any moment
Might make them victims and this moment their last
The settler’s hearts are racing
At 120 beats per minute
Pounding out a rhythm
Unlike anything they’ve ever known
Their hands are working at nothing
In the thin dry air
Twirling, twisting, pirouetting frantically
Their jaws are clenching tightly
Spasming, biting, drawing blood from their tongues
Their eyes are wide, unblinking, terrified
Seeing it all as it really is,
Really should be
And secretly, perhaps subconsciously,
Unrealizing,
They hope life will always feel this alive
But then,
In a few weeks
When they’ve made it to the city
To the town
To the shelter and comfort of ease
Civilization opens up her greedy maw
Swallows them whole
And licks her ****** fingers clean
So as not to stain her tidy white frock
And the settlers do nothing
Complacently allowing themselves to be digested
But they are thinking
“This is what I wanted?”
The voices in their heads have reached fever pitch, disgusted, screaming,
“This is what I wanted??”
And still they do nothing

Clocks talking their tick tock disturb the innocent mind of hers.
With nothing but the undefined lying ahead she screams.
The chatter grows louder as the 8th voice grows closer.
Unrealizing her past is a painting on the wall
    Gazed upon by the talkers near by
            The clock falls off at 7:55
                    Shattering on the floor.

I reach for your aches
your skin jumps away;
in pride you find truth
but insist I am your
     only lie.

Eyes of brass search for harm,
creating their narrative --
things to pass.

But dear,
Can you see the wounds along
my already scarred
flesh.

We should be breaking bread,
a communion of souls.
Instead my welts bleed as your words land,
unrealizing across something
already so broken.

Again, I bleed in painful silence.

Understanding your mind is like trying to find a polar bear in a snow storm
Possible to know its there, yet impossible to figure out every detail
Your past is matted with a dusty haze of need, love and hate I can't always place
Anger mounting with every growing day of summer as memories replace today

Competition spouts in your blood as easily as Ole Glory spouts on a daily basis
Your lungs only have space for air to use in arguements or reassurance
The battle within your mind only plays emphasis to your need to win, to conquer
You challenge every move I make whether its the slightest blink or a giant leap

Every shuffling step toward an unattainable goal of laying intangled in your arms. As something more, more than a confident that is always open for an ear
Someone who you can call at all hours of the night knowing I'll be awake to whisper it's alright and to help you steadily drift right on back into soft pillowy dreams

More than a feverish kiss leading into *** with no passion but pure fire and heat
Burning ourselves in the process for we open ourselves for eachother and show our scars. Each touch you land on my imperfect skins leaves a brand that claims me as yours. Blue eyes twinkling as your lips burn lustful memories into the skin below my navel

Two opposite extremes racing together to create a chaos of confusion
Blindly feeling my way along the restricting walls of our relationship to figure it out/ Yet stupid me didn't remember to bring a flashlight (or learn to read brail)
Entering the darkest of tunnels I sigh knowing the results of this all too well

With my clumsy two left feet I slip and fall into an oblivion of needing you
As you close the gates to your heart, to your life, to your soul  no longer wanting me. In any way no longer wanting me to be close, not even as a confident, as a lover. But my stupid heart still burns with passion now too strong to give up

Unrealizing fibers of my being push my tired limbs to try to stand up and beg you to let me in. Sick with hearing my voice you open up the gates and respond
Only to catch my hopes off guard and start a forrest fire of emotion off of a spark
I've been here before if you couldn't tell and I know I'm headed right back

But I can't turn around for every long winded bend in this dark dreary tunnel
Offers me something that no one else could, the touch of a hand on the small of my back. The jingle of laughter after my nightmares attack my unconcious mind. A smile from ear to ear of a knowing friend who wants nothing for me but the best

So my lips will stay silent, except for to give and accept hidden kisses
For losing you would mean losing a piece of myself too large to accept
But the battle within me rages stronger with each passing day, yet nothing can be done. Pains pull at my heart and tug at my brain begging me to make a move

Resisting to satisfy the urge my body feels to know more of you
Not on the surface, or of your soul just more that can not be known by a friend
Jealousy rages at the mention of other names yet I contain my explosions of hate
Saving those for another darker lonlier day where I can take it out on myself

On days like these I ponder what you know about these feelings for you seem to know everything else about me and about the way I feel towards other people
This only furthers my need to burrow my feelings and hide them like a bear does in the winter- to hibernate my feelings until we're so far away from eachother it doesn't matter

Because if my feelings are not as confusing to you as a polar bear in ice storm
Then you already know, and the seemingly never ending journey for the unattainable spot. Lying in your open arms grows further away with every blindly taken step down the tunnel. Further into the darkness that grows darker and longer with every movement

Causing me to believe I'm only biding my time until my heart crashes to the pavement in front of you and I'm screaming your name and begging through my tear stained eyes. Wanting nothing more than to take back the first step I took into this never ending oblivion of pain I can't even begin to try to contain even though I knew it was coming

Because I've been here before- but so have you, that's what leaves the smallest glimmer of hope in my heart, like a handrail along the walls in the dark
That .1 percent chance out of 99 that one day it will be me and you laying side by side.

If only I can convince you.