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zebra Sep 2021
The countries with the largest ***** ***** length are:
Ecuador - 17.61 cm (6.93 inches)
Cameroon - 16.67 cm (6.56 inches)
Bolivia - 16.51 cm (6.5 inches)
Sudan - 16.47 cm (6.48 inches)
Haiti - 16.01 cm (6.3 inches)
Senegal - 15.89 cm (6.26 inches)
Gambia - 15.88 cm (6.25 inches)
Netherlands - 15.87 cm (6.25 inches)
Cuba - 15.87 cm (6.25 inches)
Zambia - 15.78 cm (6.21 inches)

The countries with the smallest ***** ***** length are:
Cambodia - 10.04 cm (3.95 inches)
Burma - 10.70 cm (4.21 inches)
Taiwan - 10.78 cm (4.24 inches)
Philippines - 10.85 cm (4.27 inches)
Sri Lanka - 10.89 cm (4.29 inches)
Hong Kong - 11.19 cm (4.41 inches)
Bangladesh - 11.20 cm (4.41 inches)
Thailand - 11.45 cm (4.51 inches)
Vietnam - 11.47 cm (4.52 inches)
Malaysia - 11.49 cm (4.52 inches)
~
Scientists claim that the size of the ***** does not matter, as long as the job gets done. But those scientists are probably Cambodian. If you liked my last list of the top 10 countries with the biggest *****’s, then you’ll love the list of the top 10 countries with the smallest *****’s. SO bring out the magnifying glass and tweezers, and let’s have ourselves a closer look.
~
Top 10 Countries With The Smallest penîses In The World or unhung hero's 

10. Japan
Researchers found out that the birthrate in Japan is so low, that adult diapers are sold more than baby diapers. The Japanese are packing a whopping 4.30 inches of sausage, I guess, if you can’t reach, you can’t reach, Sashimi anyone?

9. Sri Lankan men very well represent the size of their tiny little country., and their tiny little rooster. With an average size of 4.30 inches.

8. China
We have reason to believe that the Chinese were gifted with a clever mind, and cursed with a small *****, with an average ***** size of 4.29 inches, now we know why Bruce Lee was always so mad.

7. Philippines
Manny Pacquiao has been under the suspicion of using steroids over the years, and if that’s true, then his **** could very well be inverted by now. Cause the Philippines has an average size of 4.21 inches, now that’s a pretty small **** Pac man.

6. Taiwan
Taiwan’s home of lady boys and Alexander ****. But they need some more pay weight gee (Peh-oe-ji) in their pants with a ridiculous average ***** size of 4.20 inches. Women of Taiwan, I feel for you, but it’s okay, just book a ticket to congo.

5. Myanmar
As beautiful as it is, Myanmar, formerly known as Burma, is famous for their two kind of nuts. Betel nuts, and their little hanging nuts, with an average size of 4.19 inches.

4. India
The country who proudly shared its Yoga spirituality **** to the world, never shared the fact that Indian Men have a teensy weensy dickie, with an average size of 4.03 inches. Well we now know the truth. Namaste!

3. Thailand
home to the world’s largest gold Buddha, the largest crocodile farm, the largest restaurant, the longest suspension bridge, and the tallest hotel, I guess they’re trying to compensate for their national average of 4 inches in the ***** department.

2. Cambodia
50 % of the Cambodian population is under the age of 15. No wonder the average ***** size of Cambodian Men is just 3.95 inches. I’m surprised that Neverland ranch wasn’t built there. #RIP the King of *****

1. South Korea
You may have heard their fantastic K-pop, and you may be impressed with their Economical, financial and Military Growth, but I guarantee that you will never see South Korea the Same way ever again, as they hold the record for the nation with the smallest *****, with an average size of 3.8 inches of pure imagination, and you know North Korea can’t be much better, maybe that’s why they’re so secretive.
~

Hi Doctor.
I was wondering about the depth of the ******. I've read statistics that say that the average ****** is only 3 to 4 inches deep. This seems way too small to me, since the average ***** is considerably longer than that. Wouldn't that mean that most penises would crash into the ****** repeatedly during *******? Since this obviously doesn't happen, my question is this: does the ****** actually elongate during ******* to accommodate the entire length of the average *****?

Dear Ashley
DONT WORRY!!
Your ***** can be amazingly elastic and accommodating,
and if you're brave enough no matter how big, anything can be a *****.
Christine O’Bam Slam, MD
Documentary Poetics
René Mutumé Mar 2014
I smoked. There was a good hand in the sky. It looked like a peach draped over tatty buildings. Hemisphere broken open at the end of a fist, and then at the end of an arrow shattering the pieces of night surrounding it, as the moon clouds shot, devouring it.

I flicked my cigarette down on the floor of the fly over instead of flicking it into the avalanche of cars below. Who knows what something as miniscule as a flying tab **** might make a person think. It would not be a fly. It would be a tab ****. It would be something that distracted a driver on the motorway, which they traced back to my finger flicking it.

It would be rude and imprecise, a car loses control and then flips over for a second, then paints the carriageway with ten multiples of itself flying and screaming. The driver flys inside the car. And I continued to cross the fly over. Outside the bookies at 10pm there is a dog looking up at me, his head tilts like he is asking me something, as he starts to follow me, leash dragging.

"Oi! Oi! Where the **** are you going?" A mouth from the ****** says, "Oh me, just down here." I reply, "I was talkin to the ******* dog you ******* mug." The gentleman added. The small white staffy was still looking up at me. Well, one of us is going to have to answer him, his tail said. "Oh ******* then." The mouth says changing back again into the building. "I guess we're going down there then." Schrödinger says, or 'Schrö', as he allows me to call him.

I light another cigarette as more arrows are fired from the sky, more like wet arrows now. "Well you'll need to pick up my leash mate; I don't want to look like a ******." Shrö says, "Ah sorry dude," I say picking it up as we continue to walk.

"Most of the people who talk to me are a little mad." The small staffy says. But why am I called Schrödinger? The staffy asks me. Ah come on, you don't get it? Well I do apologise but I am not that sharp on my quantum theory philosophy, and I am also a dog. Oh yes, I concede to him in my flat.  "Do you mind opening the door to your balcony pilgrim?" He asks me next.

"Sorry sir?" I ask him, "Well it either goes on your floor or I do it outside." He says. I open the door as he asks, and then lean against the frame as he takes a ****, and I watch him. He scrapes his hind legs on the concrete as if forgetting that it is concrete and not soil. You remind me a lot of love, I mention to him, smoking.

“You know what pilgrim? I think I prefer the name Otto Gross.” The staffy says looking up at the mixing night and I hatch open a new can pouring some into his bowl on the balcony. Cheers love. He says. He puts his two front paws on the meter high wall where my balcony overlooks a junk yard, and begins to speak.

“There is my lover! As screamed across sense and filled with conjoined gait, of my eye and hand, I am jealous of the city she walks in, by me, as I am half departed, myself, near a fox that gathers in ball, by me and is a better *****, than me, here, so I learn, from vermin, how to hide, how to fight, and how to re-appear. How to have humour, like theirs, and there unplanned joy-“

Woah “*******”, I’m spewing, a poet dog! A pile of dosh in the equilibrium! I rush back into my flat and grab a pencil and paper, shake a bit, take a sip, keep on listening, then nearly fall **** forwards returning to the balcony scribbling. And there’s a ****** dog talking.

“I trit-trot across roads with my last owner, winning jobs only within tasks of cemetery light, inside and on, the wall; so curled so, as I sleep outside, so sojourned within, grey dusk, car rivers- I spit! Not so far as giants can, just a piece of spittle, just shadow puppets dancing, just marionettes laughing-”
Schrödinger sang on my balcony beginning to howl, making the lid of the box open.

“To ******* the rain. To share within it, its fire, its knowable drench, of skin like hymn, that is so far penetrating, and mingled past flesh, opened and quakeless to the onslaught of lightening swans! The quickening fury, of several slow days, and lives, devouring the metronome of salutes, upon heart buildings coming down like tetrahedrons drawn by many hands, of dusk filth opening to the arrays of data goods and gods, and produced from the pockets of gibbous mooned skies, and I whisper to the tsunami: mood unhung, bellowing away from the dog fights, and unpainted streets, I seem: To be praying...”

Monday may come soon I doubted, watching the staffy speak.

“Planets growing teeth, in the stars and the junk-yarded iris, succour comes, and so do the sad journeying flies, flying in the mouth of many gales, as extremities to the planet’s engine, affordable, losses, condensed in- and danced solarlessly -in, dances of mortuary, and wedding sung precipice, the edge of a gale, happy to blow my face, away, just gust gust gust! And yes. I do pray a little, and past holocaust of saccharine tune, our shame is forgotten in the simple, rhythms, of a cup- a hand, a castle flock of gulls, landing in water.”

A dog wags its tail because it has just shat, his owner gone, bag ready below ****, I feel streets clean with loving owners hostile to the madness, of the furious dozen dozen flies- lobotomised drool, ready and alive enough, to laugh, and if you are knifeless, maybe a lil knackered, from work - - we might haul up: eternity, my love, and have a lil more, humour! In our sheets and face and sky, an take a **** holiday, right where you are stood or sat, walking, or resting.

And there are no gods, but the ones that let you see them creasing their soft cheeks and aging beside you, together, letting time die, parapets soak in the weather, and say: ‘hey’, here are my bones, there has been a lot of twisting done, but all they need, is yours.
Mike Adam Sep 2016
Standing on stone flags

Rope restraining only

Slung over massive timber frame

Defining the kirk-

Shall not die today

The oak the flag the stone
Betray me
Mayofficial Jul 2016
When I’m overwhelmed with tears at night..
Emotions are an ocean that consume me.

Soft waters flow down my cheeks as I reminisce about us and our brief memories..

It was a year ago..
Remembering your soft blue eyes slowly closing on a plane.
Your shakey hands would lay so softly in your lap, slowly drifting away…

You finally had some time to rest.

I loved the mornings when you would turn over and hold me.
A still warmth.

In my indecisiveness you took control,
in my want for nothing you gave me your all.

Just by tugging your hand, your eyes would soften and your voice more calm.

You're raging storm silenced..
Darling I’m here now.

-
I knew you..
Well, just the part of you revealed to me, of course..

I remember when you would downturn your lip and look across when you were unsure..

Yet twist your hand up to say ‘come on lets go!'

I remember when I unhung the turquoise dress from your wardrobe..
I chose it because it matched your eyes..

If only you knew how beautiful your eyes looked under an Italian sunset..

I remember us climbing on top of the old town, watching the sun go down..
The glazing orange skyline blessing your angelic face.
All I could ever want was here.

With you.. there was no pain.
No sadness, no war and no violence..
With my resting head on your shoulder.
No words, just peace.

My memories are a clear water..
Climbing the church tower and cycling the city.
Reaching for my hand up the stairs to make sure I was safe.
I could never catch up to you.

In a room full of art, *all I could see was you.

In a town full of blessings, YOU were mine.

While my body was broken, you were my healer.
How in a brief moment, you loved me and let me go.

Intoxicated nights,
but a blazing fire as soon as the front door shut..
The balcony doors opened..
The night sky saw our passion, only the stars knew our secrets..

How in a short space of time you became so impressionable on my soul,   my inner being.
A feeling.. a place I didn’t know existed within me.. awoken.

I’ll never forget how happy you made me, and still make me when I replay those memories.

Yet memories are just memories..
I pray that I find a way to put to sleep..
The fire that burns within me.

*When I’m overwhelmed with tears at night..
Emotions are an ocean that consume me.

Memories.
The sparks in the iron sky
cannot hope to twinkle
like the embers in her eyes
the rain has no veil for her radiance
it pierces the swirling skys in me
the walls bare no meaning now
in this heart of mine
and I've unhung the paintings here
my wounds close in the wake of
her every motion
and I am free

All that there was crumbles
Synthetically
In the magic of of her autumn smile
Autumn is the whisper in the air that harkons the mistress winter,
and she is beautiful and vain.
It started late on a Sunday night,
The sudden rattle of pans,
With nobody in the kitchen then,
‘What’s happening, Dianne?’
Dianne went pale and she looked at me
‘You’d better go down and see,
Maybe we have an intruder there,
Just keep him away from me.’

I went, but nobody there of course,
I didn’t think there was,
But two large knives on the cupboard were
Arranged in a sort of cross,
‘Didn’t you put the knives away,’
I called, but she was there,
Looking over my shoulder and
I saw that she was scared.

‘But I haven’t used those knives for days,
There’s something going on,
Somebody must have sneaked in here,
I tell you, this is wrong!’
I turned and I tried to comfort her,
‘There’s no-one in here now,
Just someone playing a crazy trick,
I’ll catch them out, somehow.’

But late that night, in the early hours
The bed began to shake,
Dianne woke up and she grabbed at me,
‘I think it’s a real earthquake.’
I tumbled onto the floor at that,
But the floor was still and sound,
Only the bed was shaking, quaking,
Just above the ground.

And that was only the start of it,
Strange things went on for weeks,
For things would fly off the table and
Plates off the mantlepiece.
A carving knife pinned me to the wall
By the collar of my shirt,
‘I don’t think somebody likes you,’ said
Dianne, ‘you might get hurt.’

Dianne had an ancient father who
Was mean as the day was young,
He hated me, and I used to say,
‘How did he stay unhung?’
We rarely went off to visit him
As he acted like a skunk,
But Dianne dragged me along at times
To show a united front.

Doors were slamming and windows cracking
So Dianne had to shout,
‘We have to visit my father, Dean,
It’s time that we went out.’
I ventured cautiously through his room
And called the old boy’s name,
But it was quieter than the tomb
And Dianne said the same.

We found him out in the laundry then,
He’d fallen in the tub,
Had gone a couple of spin cycles,
Oh yes, and here’s the rub,
One bony arm and a hand were out
And pointed, looking mean,
We knew then who was the poltergeist,
But boy, his bones were clean.

David Lewis Paget
Kelly McManus Mar 2023
There is always hope
so take the rope from your neck
step off of the stool...Kelly McManus
Bugs Spencer Dec 2019
I can still feel you
I thought I heard your voice
But it was all in my head
Your only in my head
Why the hell did you make that choice?
Why didn't I make the right choice?
A fleeting rejoice
I didn't hear your voice

An empty bed
The covers untouched
Your room is now bare
The paintings unhug

Your in my head
I cant rid myself of this dread
My monsters now fed
An empty bed
Your loss now spread
Numbness consumes as feelings fled
I'm sorry that I feel dead
But your the one truly gone

Loss such a hard punch
Guess I expected you to still be here
I thought you'd have many years to grow
I didn't know
So unexpected that you left
Now I'm left all alone
Without you my heart is blown
Shattered into a million peices

An empty bed
The covers untouched
Your room now bare
The paintings unhung

You're stuck inside hurting my head
I can't rid myself of this **** dread
My monsters now fed
That empty bed
Can you see that your loss has now spread
I don't know if my feelings have fled
I can't be sorry for feeling dead
Your the one truly gone

A poor empty bed
Covers untouched
Hurting so much
Monsters have been fed
Paintings unhung
This pistol has now sung
No more hurting in my head

My monsters now fed
Another empty bed
So I honestly have no idea where this came from. I just started writing and this came from it. I think grief is one of the hardest things and sometimes death feels better but it's not the correct answer.
Bobby Copeland Apr 2023
to find the finest things things the night
permits needs words & flesh subsumed,
an alchemy of second sight
from chaos yet a smidgen mined
of ecstasy through horror sung,
the pleasure of a mortal realm
where ripe fruit strangely falls unhung,
sweet taste beneath the bitter elm.
whose will can guide the hunter's barge,
forecast his raucous wanderings?
a raven or a dove in charge
of carrion and olive sprigs,
a turkish van set swim for shore,
as black and white as ancient lore
i bought a wall clock while at the beach
with a lighthouse on it
i put a battery inside before finding it a home
it's a bit noisy and i have it laying on one of my
dining room chairs
until a home becomes available
not sure how that will go
since none of my paintings
or other oddities
will voluntarily give up their spot
i really didn't need the clock
but i liked it...so i bought it
logical...yes?
maybe i should shop for a wall extension
i have asked myself 100 times
why i haven't removed the battery
today i turned it over so that the front is facing up
this fixed the noisy part of the problem
by muffling the ticking
in the cushion of the seat
i suppose i could just remove the battery anyway
since i never really use an unhung clock to tell the time of day
but something is keeping me from doing that
something tells me that the clock won't start again
should i remove the battery
and those ships depending on the lighthouse
may be forever lost at sea
but what happens when the battery dies?
i suppose i will find out
if i live that long
too much time!
BTW Jan 2021
The Rendering
29 January 2021

And so we pay out the ends,
Making something profitable,
From other than bankruptcy.
Emptied, we are alone whole,
When all else lies ruined.
Turning the wheel fate,
Leaves what we have left,
For the next as yet unseen.
You can have it all.
My need no longer calls.
Spend yours well while,
It is fresh and young.
Yet to spoil, unhung.

— The End —