This is me running from my life
as it chases me down -
School books, schedules and dollar signs in hand

I’m running from a life without You
Nay – without a You.

Unable to find a voice within the self
That demands control and declares hope
Finding only memories of whispers wet –
Nay – soaked - with intimacy
and the reality of an honest experience

I’m running in self-silence to the sounds of:
“Forget Me not”
“Thou shalt not”
“Can You just not…?”

When there was a You
and We were an Us…

I could stop running
Be ever so gently still
Let the ******* rush me from behind
Let it break on my back...
And feel the tsunamis fail to drown me.

You kept me grounded

And it dawns on me that I’m not running from my life
I’m running for it.

early retirement                                           2.11.22 Mercury/Pluto conjunction

I’ve been cracking jokes lately,
when in the company of others.
When there was an opening in the conversation
I would insert a comment;
I would joke about my life in early retirement.
I would joke and say that I am retired.
It's obviously funny because I’m only 35;
fairly early in my second Saturn returns.

Over the last 18 months I’ve made modest acquisitions
fit for a retiree;
house slippers, a few extra lines in my face and
even a piccolo pipe with dark cherry Cavendish tobacco.  
They all fit rather nicely,
(according to my eyes)
when worn with my gray cardigan with the red whip stitch
suring up the right pocket;
the same cardigan I wore the night of the accident and the
morning of the ward.
That was an equinox to remember.

Maybe it's in poor taste to joke about early retirement.
Perhaps that it isn’t very funny to go on about,
or maybe it was only funny to me.
It hadn’t quite occurred to me until now that
it may be kind of awkward for a grown man to crack
funnies about his lack of income or industriousness.
I suppose I just gave myself a pass.
Because I figured everyone already knows I’m
a little unhinged-
a little ungrounded-
certainly a bit touched…
and that “he just needs time to heal because he is
an activated Light Worker and the benefits reaped
by his inner struggle to anchor the
Light upon the Earth plane is in everyone’s best interest,
and that it takes an untold exertion of Will to exact such an incarnation,
and that it takes more than a few several months for the
risen Kundalini to come to maturation.
Quick, can someone please get me a tourmaline.

Well, here I am in
southern Jersey
Manchester Township
Ocean County
Riverside retirement community
side of the pond (man made)
composite bench under a gazebo erected on a concrete pad.
Sitting inside my cardigan next to my piccolo pipe and a pen in my hand,
wondering how I could feel so lost and so found at the same time.

I’ve been a stubborn *******.
Afraid to bear my Light within my hands and
expose it to my kin in a meaningful way.
But here I am,
early retirement
on an early afternoon
in a retirement community
full of elders
slinkin through the
early dusk of the
twilight of their lives.
And I don't like it.
I am not equanimous with what is.
I’ve excreted so many toxins that the
re-uptake is nearly too much to bear.
I’ve carried empty green notepads in my back pocket for years.
Pen and pad with scotch tape holding down the binding;
worth about three or four poems max.
“Yea I fancy myself a writer, just not very prolific.”
You can only speak something into being so many times
before the universe starts agreeing with you.
Old man Saturn couldn’t give a **** about
little fears and excuses.
The limits of necessity were only
bad wiring
rendered by
my own hand.
And that goes down smooth like a fish-bone in the throat.

I own enough scarves and robes to
circumambulate the globe a few times.
If only I could fly
it would be in such style
because on the outside I look how I want to feel on the inside.
Before my heart center I hold the dharmachakra mudra and
I stare into a candle flame.
I could of sworn they prescribed this treatment
early in the Rig Veda for guys with ailments like mine;
running mad like beside his shadow and
fleeing all the house flies;
sliding down the side of a waxing crescent moon.

only the moon it is a scythe;
a crescent knife.
Waning in early retirement,
old man Saturn coming for his life.

the shadow works, 2005-2006

might as well keep them all together ...
a journey through the shadowz ...
through the possessions ...
through the hell ...
through me ...
through!
whew!

during this time, i sought support from an indian medicine man, a shaman, past life regression therapist, and a variety of other spiritual healers ... some of those, narrated in depth, elsewhere ...

the enclosed is probably not of interest to many,
understood, yet offered up,
as a journey,
narrated through times,
via rhymes


Heavy

May 6, 2005

I feel knee deep in a bog
Tackling responsibility for emotions
Are these weights a lesson
Projections reflected

I want things smooth
Light and carefree
I don’t seek control
But expect absence of impact

I can’t buy, reason or work
My way out of this challenge
Each time faced head on
I give up ground and accommodate
To point of compromise
No side is right here
What is, just is

I have my perceptions
And filters
And the weight intensifies
I want to dissolve it
Haven’t figured out how
Depression, heavy
Rooted inside

How do I break free
I feel alone
Even within myself
I don’t know
The reflection
In the mirror

There is a longing to be free
Unchained
Unbound
To live
To sleep
To find balance
Chasm

I want to be
What I feel I’m not
I don’t celebrate
What I perceive
Myself to be

I seek void
Death
Rebirth
Ha
Do this again
Easier
To take flight
Black
Grey
White

Tears
Rip across my chest
Seeking
To release my heart
Bound and chained
I want them to flow
Pent emotions
Seek exorcism

I haven’t surrendered
I don’t accept
Open I bleed
Closed I store pain

I want to feel flow

Nothing aligned
Empty I know
Torn
Shredded
Fragments and shards
Differentially
Scattered

Ungrounded
Not whole
I want to go home
Here come the tears
Smiles


Dark Envelop

July 9, 2005

Feeling my way through the illusion
Finding no solace in delusion
Have my angels found another to watch over
Are my whispers no longer heard and contemplated

As I believe I do my best
I don’t convince even myself
So much struggle and challenge
Why do I even travel
Away from my bed

Prodded along
Voices and dialogs
In my head

I could start again tomorrow
Wait, I have done that before
Somewhere within, my shadow sneers
Chaotic and off balance, I’m fodder
Material for my shadow’s jeers
******, ***** and stripped bare
Seeking a single reason to care
Am I victim to want it all fair

Now

I recognize this place
Hell etched in my face
I could so easily quit
Leave the game’s race
Always another will replace
Scripts each written on ****** mace

Not yet ready

Lessons to learn
Though I yearn
Tis not my time to rest
Not until this unconscious
With which I wrest
Is balanced and addressed
Then, only, will it be my turn
I’ll find some sun
Seek beauty and joy
Transcend this marathon run

I’m not the universe’s toy


Reflections from the Void

August 21, 2005

So, this is death!
all distractions departed
leaving emptiness, not loneliness
gnawing absence of purpose, manifests in tears

Purgatory,
between somethings that felt to have mattered
without logical linkage
between then, now and the next then

Transitions require momentum
energy is here, but failing direction
what pursuit of new experience calls
none … these moments

Sleep comes easy, frequently
no dreams revealed in the aftermode
void … passionless … lethargic … empty … void
emotionless?

Looking for some elixir
to heal, to know, to feel …
the game continues / with tears of the void
the potential unknown
I guess I do feel alone …

why … what the **** is the point … anyways …
does this rub … offend … ????

this, my creation, my expression of infinite potential, capacity, too bad that
I have no TV to distract …
guess I need to process through …

ps …
if you receive this – love you …
for what it is worth ...

I guess I am ‘OK’, just feeling my way through ………..


Heart of Sadness

November 6, 2005

Incredible, my heart screams of sadness
as I accept and surrender
Surrender to what I have wrought,
what I did from my state of pain

Our pain breeds more pain, often,
and feeds back upon itself
Amplifying toward a crescendo
of intensity felt viscerally

As our hearts ache
In deepening depression,
I feel spoiled that I want more
than I have
I feel I should harden up
and move forward,
towards, what …

If I harden up, I harden my heart
and it feels now is the moment
to dive into this pain,
to learn from this pain,
to grow from this pain,
to understand from this pain,
to rebuild my heart in an open way

Experience the pain in full color
experience the loneliness,
experience the emptiness,
experience my void,
experience my sorrow,
experience my defeat,
experience yet another death,
experience my drama,
experience my immaturity,
experience my dysfunctional self,
experience the consequences,
experience the responsibility,
experience the resentment of myself,
experience the anger at myself,
experience the pain,
experience the bleeding,
experience the desolation,
experience the emotions raw,
experience the tears,
experience the shredding in my heart

grow in compassion,
grow in empathy,
grow in unconditional love,
grow in reverence,
grow in acceptance,
grow in maturity,
grow in awareness

I don’t need to sacrifice,
I need to celebrate

I don’t need to enable,
I need to empower

I don’t need to think,
I need to feel

I don’t need to protect,
I need to love

I don’t need to speak,
I need to listen

I don’t need to hurt or project,
I need to heal


Returning Home, Changed

November 8, 2005

a lover scampered off
then returned past time
after everything shifted
in another’s heart
and mind

old windows shuttered
no quarter taken or given
thus tears held reign
from processed pain

now at an advanced arc
on the circle of love
lessons in alchemy
seem sent from above

this journey now vectored
with independent trajectories
finding different connection
within renewed reflection

the cat broke the home
the archer wandered on
now on new paths
each does roam

the cat is changing
experiencing nature anew
with life rearranging
deeply ranging

in love with you


Shadow Teachings

November 14, 2005

We have known all along
yet didn’t trust those feelings
As our subconscious takes charge
when we fall asleep at the wheel

Just as we continue to breathe
within each moment of slumber
Some segment within us
will always surface
to chart our courses

With each emotion left
unexpressed in the moment
another is drawn forth and purged

Cycling
Withhold, Withdraw, Project
The truth will set us free
If we have courage to reveal
And the truth clears out
emotions, two by two
one new, one buried
Creating space
allowing

Love,

Courage,

Creativity,

Understanding,

Joy­,

Celebration,

Illumination,

Growth,

LIFE

Express or Suppress

a Choice

of Voice

Opportunity found
in stormy weather
repairing the roof
in the rain

We may heal together
With whomever
NOW, then or never

It commences
via
loving thy self

Reinforced in experience
beyond words from
books on the shelf

WE WRITE OUR SCRIPTS

WE CREATE OUR EXPERIENCE

WE ARE RESPONSIBLE

WE ARE CREATORS CREATING

HOLD REVERENCE IN OUR POWER

FOR TRANSMUTING ENERGY

WITH LOVE


Be Impeccable of Word
(seasons of silence and truth to be expressed),

Don’t Take It Personal
(while observing the internal CHARGE!),

Don’t Make Assumptions
(they are mostly our projections!),

Do Your Best
(while ready for universal fireworks!)


Reflections Forward

November 30, 2005

Where am I going
with what I feel today
finding pure simplicity
laughter, being, love and play

Wisdom’s foundation built
on wisps of reflections past
absorbed experience
never allowed to wilt

My soul
has been heard
that incessant screaming
now
finally ceased
still raw
yet healing
moment
by moment
with each regression
new levels encountered
it was always
my lessons
cycling
for conclusion
the tool is divine
yet a challenge
to master
wanting
to be there
faster
just where
right here
presence
in now

Tao

honor in flow
faith in it all
no withdraw
from my call


Crumbles

Whelp, that was intense
Wrong words
Wrong tone
Wrong subject

How fast creation
changes
dissolves
and begins
Anew

Suddenly
all the discussion
all the plans
all the harmony
evaporated
reminding me
to look back within

I didn’t know
we were that fragile
without enough
foundation
relation

What does this circumstance
reflect about me
never independent
at least I remained calm
and found compassion
without projection

I honored the four agreements
as I watched you cry
as I absorbed the barbs flung
and chose not to deflect
mostly
silent
as I elected
to simply reflect
on your pain
your sorrow
that I couldn’t
prevent
heal
or soften

The dream has faded
the future now foggy
I know depression
I know sadness
I know empathy
and love

I choose life
I choose growth
I choose to heal
I choose to love

Paths feel divergent
with new adventure
just around the corner

I gave my love
my attention
affection
and soul

Angels!!!!!
support me now
as I shed these tears
listen as I call

I won’t stagger
much
I won’t fall
but face
unknown years
unknown fears

Nobody Knew Me

2006.01.31

No other soul
Experienced me
Fully authentic
As I lay hiding
From myself
Doubting
I could survive
Naked

When my Mother
Declared
My friend
And Lover
Was EVIL
My delusion
Fractured

Within moments
Over days
Illusions crumbled
Imploded
In fragments
Then shards
Of recognition
Crept
Then flooded in

I found myself
In darkness
Exposed and bare
I had strove
With my unique intensity

To be
Validated
Nurtured
Wanted
Touched
And Loved

To obtain these desires
I Compromised
I Manipulated
I Projected
I Overwhelmed

I would then Withdraw
I closed my eyes
Then my ears
Then my touch
Then my mind
And finally my heart

I wove stories
And swam, immersed
In my lies

My truth and core
Thus illuminated
In both peace
And tears of sorrow
I have been alone
I belong alone
I shall be alone
While I meet
Myself, now
Innocent
Again

I release Mom’s rejection
Transmuting her reflection
And transfiguring
Her projection

Thank you, Mother
You missed just one aspect

The EVIL was MINE
I created my experience
To break my own chains
Script complete
Curtain falls
No applause
No audience
Now
Silence

Nobody knew me
Not
Even
Me

Tears
Joy to follow


Unwelcome Back
2006.03.17

The dark visitors have arrived
and tears stream down my checks
are these demons
another component of ‘me’?

I call, sincerely
on angels and help
yet remain feeling
disconnected

Tonight was supposed to be
about sharing, growth
and healing
yet why, again
am I left reeling

Am I paying
for karmic bonds
both instant and past
is it time,
yet again,
to merely fast
to turn off these emotions
suppress yet another round

I have again
found the deep pain
why is it so hard
to love
and transcend my pain

There are keys
I haven’t yet found
there are messages
silent in sound

I don’t know myself
though I look with intensity
I apologize
here and now
for exposing myself
projecting myself
dragging anyone down
to my despair
felt beyond repair

Harr!

this IS the trap
feeling alone
feeling the sorrow
missing the balance
reveling in another tomorrow

This game is ****** up
get over it now
bring forth the light
shine in true essence
become
in presence
it is easy to quit
resign and give up

Hail beyond!!!!!!!!!
Creators transcend
right up
from the muck

whose heart beats the hardest
when you're just as crazy -
as homesick as an astronaut
floating in zero gravity
feeling lost and ungrounded as
you drift around and around?
full of confused energy
in a controlled chaos. just
imagine sitting out on the
front porch in the middle of an
electric storm and getting soaked
to the bone but still feeling as raw
as ever before. there's nothing
you can do to feel the same way again;
about anything. ever.

Dear Fear,

There was a time I trusted you.
A time you would never lie,
but something happened,
it changed as time went by.

You protected me from accidents,
and your concern was well founded,
but then you frightened me,
in ways that proved ungrounded.

You fed me with lots of lies,
things that just were not true.
Confused  about what was real,
still somehow believing you.

Fear I have learned the hard way,
that though I have to live with you,
I have to be very honest with myself,
before I act on what you say or do.

(c)c 6th November 2010

On Monday
you are sponges
Squeezed empty by
Pokemon tournaments and
Supernatural Watchathons

On Wednesday
you are dictionaries
lexicons of hyperbolic histrionics
thesauri of sturm and drang and
angsty angsty goodness

But Friday
you are IMDB
airbenders and Fassbender and
light bending across the sails
of a ship bound for the

unreal
implausible
impossible
unnatural
illogical

while Monday
you are rabid
like word-eating mongrels

and Wednesday
you are 1930's radios
spewing never-before-heard myths and mysteries

but Friday
you are careening
between the moons of Jupiter

ungrounded
unfettered
untethered
unrealistic
imaginative­

but Friday
you are
gone gone gone gone

gone

Every last highway narrowed to road diminished to ruts reduced to trail
eroded to footsteps and ended, choked by weeds, in all directions. Every last one.

Status Quo has led to dire starvation, protected behind walls.  
With no options the city is dumbfounded in famine.

But Nature concentrates disconnected genius and ungrounded creativity in a few souls,
So unique they don't fit in, isolated by their own perceptions.

Society cruelly throws them out to suffer alone the cold wilds,
into the throng of ravenous wolves.  Just as Nature intended.

Few of the outcasts survive, and fewer of those resourceful souls live to tell, or care to return.
The town warily welcomes them home, but celebrate the path that was forged to a new harvest.

The Cri de Coeur
screeches urgent emotion
but their Exclamations
are unpicked , back to determination
Did the Revellers needlessly pay for this their Summer ?
But for Capricious truths
they now run fickle and jarred
naked is the heart of the matter,
a hastened path runs counterintuitive
as empty silences often veers
ungrounded.

You will find me tilting at windmills
on a familiar old landscape
Or running and jumping as high as I can
as my shadow I try to escape

Ungrounded in reality
preferring to live in dreams
of what might be but probably wont
tis my lot or so it seems

I believe my future is mine to make
the same way yours is for you,
and if there’s a dream you truly want
then it really can come true

So climb aboard and hold on tight
we can share the journey to its end
shape our future together
go and see what’s round every bend

Better that than sitting here
and waiting for life to arrive
after all it’s a life that’s meant to be lived
not one that we can ever survive

People wait for thunderstorms (zap) to power their plant

Thunder storm chasers racing on a quest to get smacked

Ungrounded, the foundation wasn't built for this weather

Given into the gust (gust) and hope and pray that the tethers

Can hold taut when the storm front is rearing toward the condition

of needing power inherent, expose your mind to the issue

Build up my wall, and give me another burst to ignore it

Give me a drink, give me a smoke, maybe some tv before it

gives me a migraine, take two of these it'll mask pain

take a few more it'll mask everything that's on your brain

While the defiant are lined protesting calamity striking

and others lay dormant forming only rolling frequency finding

on the dot, off two clicks, give it a shift, check the sell by date

old ****, new ****, enlightening don't discriminate

Flying in the stars
It's kind of a blissful thing
It's like touching that which cannot be touched
It's like first love
It shocks my nerves into complete paralysis
A gateway
An addiction
Crystals, floating
Take it or not
I'll float,
Both involuntarily and willingly
I've shocked those watching
The eyes that disappear as the lights beneath me fade
A dimension between reality and heaven
I'll die if I stay here
Rusty anchors keep me from flight
But yet I stay ungrounded in the midst of my bliss
Oh my soul, keep me among the stars.

benjamin franklin was created by benjamin franklin
one of his most ingenious inventions
you could never read all the books about him
when you finish one, two more have been written
i party in his colossal footsteps
thanks ben, for lending me all those volumes from your library
you invented bifocals, i see clearly
your stove warms my heart
i give away my **** too -- no patents for me either
let’s jam sometime on your glass armonica
i’m packing one of your divided soup bowls on my next ocean trip
i’m sick of losing my clam chowder to the waves
these terms you added to the lexicon:
"battery," "positive," "negative," "conductor," "discharge"
i’m positive i bought a battery the other day
you designed the first penny – only now an anachronism
no matter how many of those saved pennies have been earned
all those aphorisms, my god
i bet you mumble them in your sleep
you started the philosophical society, me the secret music society
you studied whirlwinds and gulf streams when sailing to london for a cup of coffee
you designed flippers, hung onto a kite for windsurfing
used the kite to summon lightning
invite me next time you blow up a thunder house with an ungrounded lightning rod
we’ll make pittsburgh tremble
and congrats on the grounded lightning rods
you saved millions of people and neutralized religion
it’s not the deadly finger of god, the vengeance of the lord
it’s just a buzz
lighting the streets at night comes in handy
though the night watchman concept has gotten a bit fascist
brokering the french alliance was stellar for our onion soup supply
but your suggestion that we unite these states
i’m not sure that one’s gonna stick
and thomas jefferson was a cockblocker
we declare independence from his scolding us for all our mademoiselles

a tree only stands tall

because of its roots

buried so deep

so not to fall

but i never grew or sprouted

things as such to keep

i was yanked out of place

ungrounded

again

and then again

so instead of growing roots

into the next place i land

i count on the surety of leaving

the comfort in knowing

i could discover new sand

i am a nomad

adapted to this life

in fact

addicted

i will not grow roots if i stay

i will wilt and die

like a flower in a vase.

Echoes Life, that once felt from light,
Unduly ample for my individual sight,
A genuine Self-a particle ungrounded-
Each we see, all tinctures of all shade
By interposition of calignosity made,
Remain it veritably Life unbounded?
Ev'ry thought, woe, joy of live breath,
Is it stronger than inevitable Death?
              
       -Life is Death, as yet unfounded.

I get quiet when I’m scared
Nervous, when I feel unprepared
I get anxious when I’m alone
Lonely, when I lose sight of myself;
Ungrounded
Far from home....

(you also know your mind lies, how do you determine truth?
-You'll be able to feel it if you listen closely)
(you know with your heart;
You have disconnected from your body, which is why you doubt yourself)

Your mind thinks
Your heart knows
Your feelings confirm
Your mind thinks, gets anxious, ungrounded and turns on yourself
.
Your heart, bitter at being ignored, lashes out in hopes that if you could only feel the damage you are doing to yourself,
you might pay attention

And for a split second I felt free.
Perhaps freer than I have ever been.
Relying on the shoulders of a stranger.
It couldn't have come at a better time.
The acquaintance of seeing yourself in someone else.
Perhaps it's better that I choose to not know you or this moment
we know as perfect
would come to a screeching halt.
Seeing you, seeing me for anyone you choose In the compassion of thought.
There we stood within arms reach, yet we embraced the full distance of privacy.
I mean after all would we truly come to understand each other if we tried.
Who's to say that full disclosure would lead to total certainty or uncertainty.
The question still provokes.
As uncertain as it may be, electricity is still dangerous.
Still it paves the way as a connection is sparked.
In the likely hood of a grounded current.
We'd be sure to cross again.
As sure as plastic melts, as sure as glass is soon to shatter.
Left ungrounded.
We all have a beginning and end.
In ultimate truth I agreed, in some form we continue to introduce ourselves to our former selfs.
To an extent, I admire addicts.
They aren't afraid to be who they really are.
And like that.
Two conductors were exposed to the repeated trace of static shock.
Exhibited behind glass in the most beautiful of explosion

She craved adventure while he shied away. She'd step off the edge of a cliff, knowing she'd fall or fly, not caring which. While he'd stand by her side, ready to move, yet strings still attached, refusing to let him be ungrounded.

She longed so much for something other than automated responses and faked opinions. Something more than just a mirror.

Her mind was a canvas, waiting to be colored, while he remained hidden under plastic, to keep sheltered with all his domestic familiarity.

She is of the water
Of some ungrounded, unexplored region
She is something that could slip right through your fingers
You can see it in her clear blue eyes

He is of nature
Unmoving, unchanging, and strong
He is something that could last forever
You can see it in his hazel eyes

Yet, she is a girl raised in the mountains
And he, raised by ocean tides
Perhaps what first gravitated them toward each other
Lived far within their eyes

I’ve never been so cold
While lying next to you
I’ve lost that hand to hold
You watch my skin turn deathly blue

I am the venison
Left unwanted after the hunt
Still warm, sensitive
Dying in the cold front

I only wish I freeze peaceful
The snow covers me white
My death comes so blissful
As the moon overtakes the night

The hunters have left to kiss their women
Hug their kids and sleep soundly
While my decayed body is unwritten
And my spirit is ungrounded

Doe of the night,
Wisting away in the wind
The soul of The Taken takes flight
And finds his own ending

love is all around
sweet and sound
within and without
resolve all the doubts
Air breathes on down
as it touches our crown
kings and queens of the earth
divine right in your birth
manifests all around
breathe and ground
you are the one in all
don't fear and fall
come and take your place
and feel God's grace
cause all is possible
you're bright and full
your focus brings it here
your faith takes it there
and now we're here
all that holds dear
direct source incarnation
The Sphinx in its location
The beauty and perfect form
to be you what is the norm?
Alchemical fire calcination
Spiritual flight education
The Pheonix is rising
top of the pyre blazing
infinitely rising upwards
talks of sheep and shepherds
Illusions are called real
try to get your appeal
be careful what to trust
testing it is a must
dancing flames of fire
on top of the pyre
a feather blowing away
on a blissfully sunny day
with the ease of ebb and flow
we all reap what we sow
souls merged together as one
in the now let us have some fun
letting go of the worries of past
being here finally at last
ascending ever higher above
with hearts filled with divine love
sailing on the quantum wave
experiencing the new on the path that's paved
riding in the left lane full of spirit
feeling ungrounded yet with good merit
riding the right lane grounded to earth
clinging to the material to find worth
the middle path where to extremes meet
this is where you'll find my souls seat
circling the square
translucent and clear
goldeneye drop energy wave
remembers its vibrancy to save
comes from the center of all
brightens away like a great ball
infinite interwoven reality frames
looking at things differently never to be the same
the microcosm meets the macrocosm
Jacob's ladder leaves a great chasm
infinitely going up and down
vibrationally connected no need to frown
a beautiful infinite universal melody song
many octaves of realities never get you wrong
spirals of energy swirling around
unlimited manifestations are profound
waiting for a savior without
finding the savior within no doubt
following the path ready to serve
guiding others on the spacetime curve
bringing them back to the one
speaking truth that is not spun
sacred geometry and fractal waves
philosophers climbing out of the cave
breaking free from controls
flee the thought police patrols
breaking through the chains
shifting to new with birthing pains
dreaming a dream in waking state
not paying any attention to the date
interconnected dreams simultaneously
drinking from a nice herbal tea
experiencing no beginning or end
watching space fold and bend
cosmic encounters of another kind
treading lightly among the spiritually blind
symbols speak a thousand words
truth is mightier than a sword
cutting through the illusions deep
having great faith to take a leap
into the arms of the creator
not knowing for sure you'll know later
going within and ask to know
your higher self-goes with the flow
All the answers of life are inside
be careful not to have excessive pride
on this path learn to be humble
or else things around you crumble
moderation in all things
enjoy what it brings
narrow middle math of balance
like a inter-dimensional dance
the oneness of all omnipresence
God is everywhere universal essence
infinitely complex conscious creations
Existence of infinite dimensions
secretion of the pineal gland
Stargate portal inside so grand
Light pouring out of the gate
a wave that flows called fate
giving and receiving energy freely
feeling God's love so deeply
Awaken, Remember, Receive thought forms
manifestations of thoughts they break norms
intention, think it, act it, be it, so it
the world around you matches it
treat others the way you want to be treated
if all did this equal respect can be seeded
the guardians of white light
prismatic rainbow beings of might
Keeper of the Golden Ray
do not be lead astray
By being center you help all
let us evolve and not fall
by accepting a new reality
we accept that its not fantasy

With earth
I ground
my feet
in soil
rooted in life
secure with branches
intertwined in the ecosystem
foundation is my purpose
in this level
nourishment
truth
health
family
boundaries
prosperity
home

keep me afloat or in despair
find me at the base of the spine
I highlight all things physical
my orientation is to self-preserve
my right is to be
here on earth
to have

fear feeds this demon
it disrupts all above when ungrounded
I say to myself
I stand tall
and grow my roots
deep into the earth

I am safe here

I'm not afraid of strangers
But.. maybe I should be
My belief in people's ability
To be good
Is it ungrounded?
Or was it just a stupid dream..
A reality that only lives
In the unrestricted wilds of my imagination's depths?

The setting was dark
Night time on a suburban outskirt street
Light poles spill out orange light
Coloring the sidewalk ahead of me
But I'm not walking for leisure
I'm walking away from something
All I have is an echo of voices
Voices that wish to destroy all I have
Despite all I have residing in a single van.

At this point I have nothing
I am homeless
And I am hated
Nothing too strange to not exist in reality
Maybe I should be afraid of strangers

My hurried shuffling brings me to a van
That I recognize as my own
That I recognize as my home.
But what's inside is unrecognizable
A body quick to rise
A face I've never seen that speaks with a voice I've never heard
"Get out of here, this is my car"
He said..
This car is all I have.. I couldn't let it go
"No, it's mine and I can prove it. I have the key."
I respond with all confidence
He's in the wrong and I can prove it
But in a moment right and wrong is no longer based in logic

He pulls out a gun.

Why would someone who doesn't know me
Be so ready to **** me..
And for what..?
A car..?
I've heard of people dying for less in this world
Maybe I should be afraid of strangers

So now I turn around
Running as best I can
While curses, threats, and insults are thrown at me
But they have no sting
Nothing can hurt me with my adrenaline so high
Knowing that I'm trapped in this street with no cover
Running away with no chance of escape
Just going through the motions
As I wait to hear the gunshot that ends me

And then I woke up.

I'm doing away with my grandiose dreams
And settling for reality

But reality isn't as enticing
As the extravagant creations
My seeking mind constructs

Reality is boring,
But reality is real
It it forces me to feel

In my bubble of creation
Where I feel like I have so much control
I dream of things that cause celebration
But things can turn ugly quickly
When nightmares feel too real
My mind screams out into
The void of unfeeling in my heart
I reach out my hands, searching
Grasping for stability
On a firm foundation
But I feel cast out in infinite space
Floating, without control

Reality can seem
So much more promising
Though it's tedious at times
And seemingly more dull
Compared to my imaginings

Maybe I can arrive somewhere
Right in the middle of
Reality and Imagination
Grounded creativity
Neither too monotonous or
too ungrounded
With both feet on the ground,
An open heart
And a artistic mind
All working for the same purpose
To bring some healing
Into this world.

I have been through hell and back,
And darling dear,
Trust me that the hell I've seen
Is something you would not survive.

And your surly lies
Leave me with laughter,
I cannot believe
Your audacious behavior.

You're a liar and a fraud,
And honey, I just call it like I see it.
I'm sure it was true to you,
But the truest of truths
Is not what you see.

The truest of truths
Does not paint you as a victim
Or him as a monster,
It paints you as psychotic
And him as naive.

Try
Your hardest
To paint images
Of him
Black.

You will succeed
In angering
The worst of the monsters
You've ever had the fear
Of imagining.

Your reasons for your fears
Are ungrounded,
But your fear
My dear
Is not.

Live well,
And be happy.
You deserve
Nothing more.

But try to poison
My thoughts once more
And you will never taste
Regret
So sweet.