Metallic-, ionic-, covalent bonds.
Persisting still proving, able to break.
The forces assured, the pressures endured,
the attraction unequal, results left uncured.

Surely there exits an unbreakable bond,
created by a wand from a paranormal pond.
A connection not so rare, sharing DNA in our hair.
A bond assuring trust, selflessness and care.

Not even death, can break a bond that strong
and this may seem unfair, science points to wrong
but this is no illusion, my doubts are less than low
I do not have to prove, what I already know.

Its far beyond a feeling, description left unknown.
This bond is right beside me, never am I alone.
I do not need an idol, I do not need a god.
Impossible to forge a key, it's not that type of lock.
My brother is my hero, my brother is my rock.

People say that love leads to metamorphosis.
People say that love will illuminate your soul.
People say that love will bind up a wounded quintessence.
-I’m finished- waiting for love.

All of my life I've been pining, pining for the soul, and the soul of another to bind up my aching wounds.
An illusion, a mirage in all its sweet and manufactured glory arises in a weary heart.
Tasting it, visualizing it, it’s mellifluous nectar fondling my occipital lobe.
Flowing profusely, waning when a tellurian is out of sight, my muse is ever-changing, a butterfly glimmers in the dark.

I can’t bear this trial, a tribulation of love, all these repetitions, a diminutive and ephemeral Fall.
The vernal winds embrace me, in my sweet and lulling dreams, binding my soul to Wonderland, just as Alice I’ve escaped.
I run to another realm of existence, longing for emancipation, standing in a hollow shelter, my flame shall soon collapse.
Golden cards; The Joker, poking fun at my malady uncured, the land within which I have ensconced is a symptom a disease.

Insanity; a furor; reality serves no purpose.
Anger me once more then I’ll relinquish my own life.
I relinquish a newfound hope, to abandon all that is my own.
I reach into the chaos beneath my succulent flesh.

A demon had allured me; enticed me with a stare.
Sorrow runs amuck here, degeneration inflames my veins.
Expanding, contracting, I can’t breathe anymore!
Red blood cells eliminated, my panic is on the rise.

How much longer can I bear this?
Love eludes my soul; your unchartered exterior inspires an inquisitive mind.
I search the seven seas, I voyage across space and time, I’ve waited for eternity for an ethereal beauty to arise.
The water beneath my ship bubbles; frost smoke from the watery deep; a mermaid in its glory has infatuated me.

I live in my dreams, detached from the world.
-Stars fall-
Your arms are no longer wrapped around me; I no longer feel your heady embrace.
The light and airy feelings when I fantasize of holding your body close to mine.

Your delicate and perfectly assembled hands; your gaseous rhapsody; a toxic love absent of truth; a hazy fume inhaled through my nostrils.
When I finally gaze upon you, I shall fall asleep in your arms, lying on the bed together will no longer do me any harm.
Butterflies and fireflies shall illuminate the night sky; intoxicated with honey I will have my fill of love.
Just to have you close to me, will be more than enough, to know that a spirit so celestial has enraptured a tenuous heart.

Your voice will be a healing; your words intoxicating fumes; your lips a source of astonishment; your gorgeous vessel my muse.
Lavender mist befalls us and violet sparkles glimmer upon the bed; we’re lifted into the stratosphere; it’s no longer in my head.
Enamorment will be a reality, and chains shall bind our arms; we shall be bound to each other by a magnetic surge of love.
Electric benedictions shall conduct my weary eyes; my iris shall be illuminated and my pupils shall start to gleam.

Going higher and higher, our bodies shall be burned, but not devoid of our spirits for we shall be conjoined into one.
A deity will resurrect us; a Phoenix with rejuvenating wings, the inferno of passion will consume us and our bodies shall be renewed.
For but a moment in time, the pressure between us began to rise; turbulence has fortified our very beings; we have shone just like moon.
Alas this but a fantasy, a dream unfulfilled, I fill my life with spirit, until the appointed time.

My creative surge of energy creates a diamond out of pain; my ivory tusks of iridescence shall plow through the Great Walls of the world.
I know that you lurk there; amongst a galaxy unknown; in time you shall expand my Universe…Maybe just maybe, I’ll expand into yours.
The supernova shall illuminate the heavens; our passion will glimmer like the Sun; a sphere of flame in overdrive; ready to explode.

I miss you already but I must depart from my dreams, for but an ephemeral moment until I that know you are here.
I’ll wait for the rest of eternity and I shall plow through the chaos of the world, warping through dimensions; trying to reach your heart.
A key shall lead me to a doorway; on the other side will be open plains; florid with embellishing blossoms, daisies and a flame.
That flame shall burn up the stratosphere until the skies begin to fall, for there will be no place in the Universe that can contain our intergalactic love.

Controlled subdermal cage
we all have our own fields of fire
the world changes elements of boron
to day again ah the furious wet traffic
to my suit looking good but tired
white silk mammal lips
punk yards of spirits in magma
grace flies scream in antlers of highway
in through the iris out through the heart
nascent ghosts in time for life

Clocks grow pupae in my arms
under the frock and over the frame
disgrace the leaves at joy in autumn says the wind
poppies remain drooling in seas of light
the way men move through gas
champagne pours the cricket the gecko the feather the drake
the touch the brim the uncured wild
the street creates a world of song the koalas boom with fur
the mantelpiece wounds the air
the figments of life known as love live outside
until we grow kingdoms within.

The emptiness inside, resides within my eyes
Like basins full of water,  strung up to high tide
Its full of all your lies-- on boats your secrets hide
My hopes and dreams, here falters  -- and dies.

But on one day , abysmally in dismay  
Your Heart thawed, just enough to Say
three little words; that brings my heart decay
"I hate you" -- sword wounds left uncured
My empathy drained; insides left on display

bitterness of iron:
remove the milk
in bate of oxen blood spills

a bovine scent coagulates --
two membranes,
five and nine in aluminium

warp the boiling point --
two hundred, ninety degrees Celsius,
left standing, half a day:
cardboard instruction sets carbon constriction

imprinting
burnt hair, burnt hooves  --
the taste of not eating
a liver, raw --

Where is the nameless face
carrying cups of coffee, bought
on a journey
somewhere, and nowhere et al . . .
kindreds, wrapped in the smell of decay:
the uncured hide around his hips,
or was it his wrists, never touching?

Cold, unfold
with just a second
I taught myself to crawl,

Pure, uncured
with just a minute
I learnt from every war,

Tears, unshared
with just an hour
I forgave, but never forgiven,

Found, unsound
with just a day
I appreciated life like rain.

Cut to me: tempting his anger with my white-knuckled grip and words so honest they could make a saint scream.

Cut to him: choking on his own twisted tongue and front-door fear.

Cut to me: still holding the reins of the wreckage, still not letting go-

Cut to him: saying sort yourself out, saying he’s broken women far stronger, saying anything he can to turn me against him, saying he’d pay for my own heart to be sealed.

Cut to me: a daisy in my mouth, a blackbird in my hand, a shattered window in my chest. I have this feeling that I'm not supposed to be here, I have this feeling that I’m only half-way through this story.

Cut to him: six feet tall, and each one a cellblock of quiet anguish.

Cut to me: cutting my feet on breaking branches, scraping my fingers on the rough bark of a tree. The poems don’t say anything, the tears never come. The rain falls in the wrong places, the daffodils die for the wrong reasons.

Cut to him: new job, new state, new life. Starting from scratch but still scratching at the itch that looks like me, still licking wounds from the daggers aimed at my hope that ricocheted back to his own. What does he do with his hands when he thinks of me? How does he deal with his guilt when it claws up his throat and he’s afraid to spit it out?

Cut to me: dreaming him with long hair. I don’t know where to imagine him when I imagine him; a topographic map of unknowing in my mind- an uncured landscape and rough terrain. I see him as a question mark in the wilderness; forging his own labyrinth of twisted truths and hop-scotching the minefield he planted.

Cut to him: Not really in the wilderness, probably in a condo in a mid-sized city. I think if he meets a nice girl who tags him in her Facebook posts, I’d have to **** myself.

Cut to me: demolishing the both of us, casting his secrets like seeds in the dirt, watching scandal bloom, and his character rot in the high noon sun.

Cut to me: imagining annihilation, holding his hand while leading us to slaughter, destroying us both, and having a marvelous time doing it. I’d make sure they slit my throat first; he’d have to hold me while I bleed out, stroke my face as it loses color, and tell me it’s going to be okay as I fade away.

Cut to me: doing none of these things. I don’t have it in me; when I told him I’d never hate him, I meant it. Wading through summer defanging the snakes in my belly, hoping he’s declawing the tigers in his mind. I won’t admit that I’m waiting, but the story's just half-told. Our plot is paused, and I’m sitting alone, but what if it’s merely intermission, and he’s just at the bar, getting us drinks?

If love is a disease,
I wouldn't mind getting infected
If that would be the only way
for us to be connected
I won't mind having those butterflies
wriggling inside my belly,
with those sudden thoughts of yours
that's driving me crazy;
I won't regret being in such condition
If that would mean your full undivided attention..
I would like to remain uncured and sick forever,
If that would all result in You and I together.

If love is a disease,
And you are the carrier,
I'll do everything to catch you;
I'll fight the barriers!
I would Love to be uncured and sick with that disease,
Coz' I know in your arms,I'll find happiness atleast.

If LOVE is a Disease
and losing you is the remedy;
I'd better be ill with it, INFINITELY..!

We cry behind cold stares
While thoughts prevail behind the stair-
Cases winding deep and sharp
Careful of the steepest part

We hide behind fake smiles
While inside our bones break-
Ing down the final door
Locked to keep out memory’s war

We shrink behind our lovely lies
While still the past you can’t deny-
Ingly walking straight on toward
A future broken and uncured

We laugh to keep our feet in motion
While sinking underneath the ocean-
Waves so high they can’t be beat
You’ll die unknown and obsolete

Alive, alone, derided through and through

You know you get me
But when I'm alone.. I become sane, again
troubled with the mess of realizing
reality isn't my forte, it's the dreams I live in
and the hopes I'm not given

Disdained, begetting songs of true fortune
You know it's crazy to think of anything before you
and even then, I realized I didn't have anything planned

I know you didn't want to see this coming
and neither did I
The silver linings are once in a lifetime
we get the chance to divine upon;
But there's never a greater time to behold except right very much now

I know you said you couldn't do it alone, but look at you now
stoic, yet holding your own
Tattered and barren but never too far from the hope we knew we needed
And it's a mystery why things never stay the same no matter how much
In the end everything seems to be
Invariably never changing

old habits dying with the wishes we had yesterday
But it's cool
I see you there and all I could ask of you is
Simply you

There's no defeat that is what we ultimately asked for
But I'll never presume what I have, what I want, what I know
It's all only what you care to choose
Your smile begets my own

By now, I feel, the notion has gotten a little overboard
the motion of it all being
Self defeating
Just as these words drip from my fingers
I can't stop seeing..

But they'll never change, unlike the rest..
And no, I'm not saying I'm anywhere **** near being the best
For you, or anyone
But what I can purvey is all the trust that's been given thus far
It's not natural unless it comes deep within our own hearts to convey
And I appreciate it, like cherishing a perfect day you can't forget

Because it came from somewhere knowing you well enough; deep down, among all the stricken dusty irony
Designed in purgatory, awaiting, sophisticated
the drudgery seems to fall away when we're just speaking at or especially with each other

But I still know, even in all of this, I am alone to think of such inspiring bliss
It comes off as moronic banter
Meaningless and disgusting just like the rest before me
But that's not me at all, and just maybe with time you'll get to know that best

You were afraid, then..
You'll be afraid tomorrow
and even then, I'll know never to impose
That's not what I want to do
That's not any sole truth
I just want to hear and know you're having a good day

All I could ever ask is simply you; and I'll be right here
Where we both fell in plight
Singing all the empty little things
We call life's, little, circumstances
Let's take chances, and leap into the unknown

For once, for good, for now; all spared meanings
Serving nothing and nobody proud, but rather still
Emotionless, soulless, deep and profoundly undertaken  
Shaken, wreaking havoc on their own flightless, droll, uncured soul

Sometimes we fall for the things we think are good for us
It echoes in the past as pain and regret
When, truthful, ironically
We tend to fall just trying to make a leap of faith on any first thing that brings us any hope to know "I'm okay" when in reality it's just false truths that bestow wrongdoing


And when something good actually happens upon our doorstep
The only way we seem to go is back, taken, breathless with deceit
Convinced what's here and now isn't anything that's good or worth our time
Irony seethes there, cold and barren
You never know, until you just know..
I'm talking about a true leap, in the right direction

Not desperate, or disparaging
Not profoundly meaningless or unshaken
Something bold enough to cover the scars and defeat with a kindness, a goodness, a righteousness strong enough to say
"hey, I think I'm going to be okay" and nothing more simple or complex as that

And if you want to get up and walk around, we'll so do I; and I could never want for more than to simply have the pleasure of spending that time together
Against all odds and defying all the redundant nuance

Derided, through and through.. Lost but never alone
Gone but never too far
And all I could every truly, simply, kind ask for is..

Whiny Wobert Smiff:
Paleface poser
Bad-hair bard
Of teen existentialism.

Droning three-chord dirges
Wobbly Wobert
About to burst--
Not into flames,
But girlish tears.

Superficial woes
Suburban emo . . .

Wobert, Wobert
Your mascara is running
As fast as it can
Away from the 80s.

I am ashamed
To have seen The Cure
Live in 1983.

It did not cure me.

"I love you" He says.
"I love him" she introduced.
"God bless you" he says.

You can ask me why,
and I'll start to cry
You can ask me when,
But I still won't tell you then

You can try to give me a hug,
But I'll take a step back
You can try to comfort me,
But I'll only feel discomfort

I'm broken and bruised,
confused,
brutally used,
and permanently uncured.

Sly chances fade into the day
Inviting inverted obsessions
Taking its pleasures from the air
Breathed deep by light
Stained by angels and lovers
Healing to hurt more than pain
Speaking on thirds of needs
Walking miles of uncured steel
Impure by the thirst hearts leak
Drenched in hour-less hopes unfed
Left stained by starvation's gluttony

Lonely as disciples of light and dark
Separated by the dawning sun and setting moon
Nervous and twitching, unwatched
Keeping eyes fixated on flowers
Wilting and blooming in seconds
Unlike the humanity settled in minds
Blaming until accusation converts to disease
Fearfully and wonderfully made in hell's garden
Cultivated in the arteries of misery and loathing
Claiming bodies when used to spread restlessness
Lost in every word, growing cycles, created and pursued

Called by name and underneath all faiths
A sightless demon, kind and malicious with fallen tears
Diluted and taken with holy darkness by prayer
Anointed and desecrated with motions of heat
Written in scars and infatuated on sect dreams
Instilled for the beast that beats in *******
Void of taint and unpredictable by reality
Less to imagine when used in vain on street corners
Currency for the pleasure trapped in forsaken lips
Shackled to flesh like the cemented wounds sought after
By the stories of remorse and unrivaled insecurities

In saviors' fleeting lights, forgotten in memories of stone
Deep inside the walls painted of regrets and distorted by anguish
Synthetic to thoughts unbound to promise relief of fear
Reborn on racks screened from shrines in ironed will
An invincible corruption that grinds and gnaws holes in sleep
Stranded upon the skin in waves of emotional force poured out
Bottled and sold to ****** the clever yet troubled waters of youth
Placed in sheets by pillows, laid down amidst the confusion
Unquestioned these still born children of non-bridled futures
Glistened with rings, torn by time and parted on death's inauguration
This is love, shadowed and justified, always undefeated for all

©2006

lately i feel like
your all i really got
but like everyone else i love
im the only one who talks
absent with the congregation
cant be selfish today
so i try not to bother you
with all i wont say
stomaches full of nerves
that make me feel i rot
so nervously i sweat when im
not even hot
every tear has a story
as well as salt that packs
in my tears, no wonder i
reflect so much fat
all i wants to be humble
and get my love returned
instead like the dead my hearts
needing an urn
wheres investments return
dont wanna go through this
wheres jesus christ, let him know i
have now found judas
sometimes i feel "***** this"
"that, him and her"
innocence is extinct in ones i
felt were so pure
so infered is the absurd uncured
desease that plagues me
i now understand how my
enemies passionately hate me
cause lately i hate me
so greatly as well
cant threaten me with the devil, im already
used to this hell
everyones **** ****** smells
mine and all of yours
snow white was trying to tell me
most woman are ******
in drawers of seven dwarfs
who no wonders either sleepy
***** or grumpy when will
i get a break or freebie
dark shadows pass so creepy
most people are deceitful and greedy
i swear i can almost feel
my soul wants to leave me
just like everyone leaving
loyaltys not a common relic
no wonder all we feel is so
uncalming and jealous
why cant i find strength embelished
prior used to front
but i rather be killed then *******
heartlessly hunt
and maybe thats why before you
i kneel and cry
asking for the mercy of death
i see such peace in the eye
of the one you will cry
for if they die but roughly
im jealous at funerals wondering
why im not so lucky
so in the name of the father
son and holy spirit
i pray if i dont see death today
that im hopefully near it
.....amen

Drops of waters dripping down the drain,
leaky faucet keeps ringing in my brain.
Moldy walls, and moldy halls, a mirror
of the mold festering in my soul.

Laying down on this old, musty couch,
staring at a screen reflecting my expression.
I sip from this can, and sit and wonder,
when this low life lost its luster.

Like a rusty old bicycle missing a wheel,
I just keep riding in circles with no direction,
a plague of apathy uncured by introspection.
The hardest thing is just giving a ****.

The telephone rings and rings and rings,
but I keep on thinking and thinking and thinking,
and drinking and drinking and drinking.
I sit, I think, I wonder, and I drink.

Why does my heart hurt this much?
I'm young, but I feel so old
I am alive, but inside I'm cold

These tears fall so easily
It's burning my head
I am alive, but I wish I was dead

I can't medicate this ache
Uncured it throbs inside
I am alive, but I want to hide

Why does it hurt so much, to be alive?

In a tragic of despair
that she could espy of something unseen
but what I know now in the nowhereness of triumph is the oblivion that’s long forsaken . My mother, the earth , has loved the truth of my words . My mother of memories, where my intricate roots embedded in her many wombs , with her,
my mother who is the mind to my soul, with her crystal teeth, puncturing the veins of my spirit, I am uncured from the illness of illusion.
with the love that is filled with the sickness of the cerebral ;
that every nerves, they only now yearn to forget, to erase, to delete,
what should never end , will ;
of those forward to ,
is like catching light,
my mother's arms, wrapping my dead body,
for that great freedom that ought demands
but now encountered swords that I see no farther onward impulse stirr'd,
from every dew-drop in this sequestered heart.
it inculpates the soul’s wigwam,
to love , that is unpure
powered of perception ;
for me , do so as what say I
the abyss will never know -- without noise, bad field of unfamiliarity, to create the creation of layers, layers of spectre, phantasm, apparition;
I exorcise & exterminate this being of nothingness, name that is uncelebrated ; & be merrily skipping in their long farewell,
you gave your face , I gave mine
& there shall be a bow of
hypothesis, musings, mirage

I inject, dementia
trying responsibly to digest over
my own ignis fatuus
/
there will be hanging gardens
the commotion of untendered bones
down beneath your cloaks,
knowing sympathy, to bully an empathy
death come, came & in repeat
through the lullaby of Antioch,
sorrow wholly unexpected, in scarcely discernable; but far descried
black winged demon vanished through the chested barrier of feelings, when justice lynchings in the centre of my core,

twixt vows, where from descended upon myself alone, indecent, in deep scrutiny —

The needle skirts the medicine
Into the naive veins
of the overly trusting
The medical profession
does what THEY want.
The adverts flaunt
merely a fantasy
while the patient dies from miss care

The democrats cheer
as the sick die
and undeserving thrive
here is another chapter
another hefty and fraudulent bill
the poor die from the uncured chills
the rich idiots enjoy their kills.

Sometimes or maybe everytime,
I feel like crying;
Without any reasons,
Or withouty tears.
Tired of stuff,
Everything and everyone.

It hurts more,
People and there trust issues.
Sometimes things which they expect,
Maybe attachments are the ones,
Which are reluctant.

Everything is fake,
Everyone is fake.
Fake soulmates,
Fake wellwishers,
Fake emotions,
Fake care.
Is anything pure and real,
Like my bliss.

You worry i dont talk?
I can cry,
But i won't express.
I can write it down,
But cant tell.
I can talk,
But not conversate.
I can care,
But only for you.
I can help,
But not me.
I can worry,
But only for you.
I can smile,
But only fake.
I can advise,
But not to myself.
You worry i dont talk?

I keep telling myself,
You wanted then you would.
If you wanna talk,
Ego on top.

I am not ignoring,
I am just not in a position to justify it anymore.
You think i am drifting?
No, am not,
I am just trying to be alone, lonely.

No fears,
No emotions,
No fake,
No toxicity,
No cares,
No howling.
Only me, my feelings,
My tears,
My broken heart,
My soul,
My uncured feelings,
And a sense of loneliness.
It might sound depressing,
But its not.
Its the reality.
If you wanna talk,
Ego on top.

No cry,
No tear,
A heavy heart overthinking,
And a lot of fear.
If this doesn't understand me,
Then i dont know what does.

You ask me if i am okay,
You now i am not.
Then please stop this formality,
Cause i don wanna fake.
If you really care,
Look in my eyes,
Hug me tight,
Cause you know am not fine.

Sometimes i hate to be this close,
Cause when you pull even a slightest bit,
It appears as if the world is splitting in two.
I may care,
I may care a lot.
But once you are courageous enough to part,
Then i am reluctant enough to come back.
Maybe thats why,
Am not a permanent person in anyone's life.
But i assure you i am the best temporary you will ever meet.

I try,
Not cry.
But i  weak enough,
To let it all go.
Am tired of opening myself,
Again and again.
But now i am just done.
I dont know who to trust,
Whom to prioritize,
Whom to avoid,
Whom to love?

I know i have friends,
But i don't,
Who talk,
About the ****.
That goes inside mu head.
Cause i know they just cant take it...

I dont know why the people i prefer the most are temporary,
Sometimes,
The memories,
The thoughts,
The late night conversation,
The feelings
Just become like ghosts.
People are there,
But not present.
Few are the tried ones,
Who are broken,
And are long gone,
Before you even realize.

I may care,
A bit too much,
A bit too soon,
Never think.
I ignore you,
If i do so,
Then only for your good.
.
.
.
Gone??
Gone, is the wrong word,
For someone who was never there for you.
You love them more than yourself,
Maybe thats why you lost yourself a long time ago.
Its the time to wake,
And not feel guilty.
For the things you never did.

Why do we have emotions?
Why do we have feelings?
Why do we care?
Just chill out,
And care a little less.

Blade in my hand,
Cuts on my limbs.
Broken heart,
And a lost pet.
Is there anything else you wanna know??

Yes,
Yes i am obsessed with death,
Cause there is no reason of living such a meaningless,
Pointless life.
So once and for all,
Let it all go.

People come and say,
Its gonna be fine,
Well i know its never gonna be...
Is it just about the moment?
This hour?
This day?
This weak?
This month?
This year?
Or my whole life?

Is there a chance?
Is there a hope?
Because all the darkness cannot extinguish,
Even a single ray of light.
But now even this philosophy,
Goes above my head.
Its my life,
Which you cannot change.
So dont give me hope,
Cause there is no scope!

I live in perpetual circumstances of fear, guided by the palpitation in my heart and the heaviness of my breath
It’s as if the whole world exists around me and within me, as if I am separate and yet anxiously connected
I wish I could call it beautiful

there is so much beauty in the world, yet I hold hands with the ugly
I am held by the tentative and cradled by the impermanent
my mind is a filing cabinet of negative possibilities and tragic happenings,
tucked away in the abyss

there is so much to see and yet my sight is clouded
so much to learn and yet my judgment is tainted
it’s like I am walking with fractures, and no one can see the casts wrapped around my ankles

all I want is to feel like my limbs are healing themselves, my heart is relearning how to pulse love through my veins, and my lungs are slowly expelling the toxins that have been making it so hard to breathe

but all I feel is my body rejecting health,
choosing to remain uncured
the pain magnifies, my senses weaken
and all that keeps me connected with those around me
is a force that presents myself to the world in such a way that the bruises painted on my skin
appear as a testament to the  journey I went through to smile again when indeed I am still being beaten

When it comes to bread, the
general public are seduced
by the misconception that
"FRESH" means wholesome.

Not true.

A bakery could just as easily
state " NOT STALE " and achieve
the same result as Fresh which is
an optical subliminal.

Fresh is a word used to garnish
what could be tainted with a
herbicide pesticide or fungicide.

Fresh salads from a garden that
is sprayed regularly with Roundup ™.

Are you getting my drift?



fresh
adjective
1 salads made with fresh, wholesome ingredients: newly harvested, garden-fresh, not stale, crisp, firm, unwilted, unfaded; raw, natural, unprocessed, unpreserved, undried, uncured, unsmoked, without additives, without preservatives. ANTONYMS stale; processed.

You come into my life like a fine wine
Tasting so sweet it warms the bloodline
A euphoria that comes to empower
Coming to the last hour

But the wine drank too fast
Overwhelms hoping not to be last
When the clock begins to ring and nettle
Not quite time and yet the effects have settled

A dependence not known until put on the spotlight
And a change in behavior seen as contrite
Could it have been a fatigue to blame
Or was the wine just the fuel to the flame

Burning, in an unidentified state
But nevertheless arrives a spate
Wishing to drive away the light
With a fear of being benighted

Now obscured
But still inured
Savored
But uncured

No worth
To earth
Low birth
No use
Short fuse
No hope
Just dope
Unsure
Impure
Uncured

I learn
God's word
Now I'm
Assured
When I'm through
Hands of love
Will take me
Away from earth

And I
Am ready
To take
The voyage
New world
New birth
To heaven
Where someone
Is waiting

in yesterdays limelight was you
autumn glow sifts through your hair,
the golden sands we surfed

gentle cheeks brushed red
behind rose lenses, smile lines
that fleeting, naive azure

todays fluorescents, headache white
midnight eyes, sunk and hollowed
your lilac touch uncured

I feel the tears start streaming,
The burden like a rock on my chest,
When I have to see him,
Stumbling the ward in constant unrest.

My heart tears into two,
When I see the torment in his eyes,
I know when he tries to talk,
That he’s a weeping man in disguise.

His movements are all jerky,
His speech is all slurred,
I desperately try to soothe him,
but his disease remains uncured.

I try to speak to him,
To show him I care,
The words fly though his head,
But all he can do is blankly stare.

I see his buried exhaustion,
From the nightmares that consume him at night,
The devil who strips his conscience,
Leaving him helpless to fight.

I see the loneliness that rampages his mind,
I try to hold him tight,
But I can see his world is falling apart,
No matter what I try to do to make it right.

He’s withering slowly,
Right before my eyes,
His brain is almost gone,
‘Daddy, I don’t want to say goodbye’ 🥺

But I know that deep down,
There’s nothing i can do,
For nothing will help with the healing,
Huntington’s is cruel and has no rescue.

Now as I sit here terrified to see you fall,
I try to remember all the joy you brought,
All the smiles and laughter,
And how strongly you fought.

Never asking ‘Why me?’,
So daddy, I take your infinite strength,
To prepare for one fact that terrifies me most,
That I don’t want to face at any length,

There’s a 50% chance,
That I will face the same irreversible fate,
For I could have this gene,
That we have all come to hate.

Fear suffocates me as the pain squanders.
Never able to conceive a baby as mine own,
For i could never stand to see,
My babies face this awful disease alone.

So if by chance this is my determined course,
My life shortened by pain and sickness,
Causing me to slowly lose my mind,
I know God will always be there to guide me through the darkness.

Josie Murphy