Your love is illiterate.

My needs are too far within.
I am primitive
and will never be satisfied.

But how I will cry and pine on the strings of this instrument.

Place your palms on the soft animal of my body.
Find me.

I am unaccounted for.

I become frantic in my silence.
My gravity becomes  pinions.
A volute **** in the ether.

Such will you, I.

There is no means to entering the gateless gate, though you will try.

My body is numb, and I am senseless with the roaring waters behind me.

It will not desist.
This endless sea, forgets.
So the blur of organs, the blundering cold of a concept.
I am non-matter. Absence of all things, in me.

Here is a story of ignorance: something.

How I become sick on my self.
My mouth is wooden. Knowing, what can be said?

We lose sense of sense.
Soft, and vulnerable fawn, intractable in the tall grass.

Do not love the uncast word. Forgive.

Promise me no promises,
So will I not promise you:
Keep we both our liberties,
Never false and never true:
Let us hold the die uncast,
Free to come as free to go:
For I cannot know your past,
And of mine what can you know?

You, so warm, may once have been
Warmer towards another one:
I, so cold, may once have seen
Sunlight, once have felt the sun:
Who shall show us if it was
Thus indeed in time of old?
Fades the image from the glass,
And the fortune is not told.

If you promised, you might grieve
For lost liberty again:
If I promised, I believe
I should fret to break the chain.
Let us be the friends we were,
Nothing more but nothing less:
Many thrive on frugal fare
Who would perish of excess.

We are nothing that matters,
created in mystery
while slowly dissolving to dust.
Pretentions and delusions our comfort as reality bites with it's point filed teeth.

We are not made of stars, nor moondust, we are products of all that has gone before and the destruction of all that is yet to be. 

I yearn to see this life through a rearview mirror, it's withered form a speck on the far horizon, for the hurt to stop as this knife in my back plunges further into my sickened depths, severing my spine from all it holds dear. 

I yearn for silence, for these thoughts to stop spewing from my acid tongue, burning my unkissed lips with a million wasted words while attempting to say only one.

Minutes turn into months, decades of meaningless days and miniscule triumphs. 

The stage is set, my role is uncast but the curtain never falls, I stumble wildly through blind utterances, dreaming darkly, while anxiously awaiting the applause that will herald my passing.

This is not living.

You held my hand
I held yours
We walk down the road
Chit-chatting about the future

It was dusk, street lights
“Coffee?” she said
“If it’ll make you happy” I replied
So cozy, bliss it is

I walk you home
Still talking about us
We’re finally home, “take care”“goodbye”
Sure hope forever is on the way

I don’t want this feeling to end
Don’t want to lose you as well
We were so happy
As if I’m in cloud 9

Thought it would last
The love spell, uncast
How come Cupido?
You made my heart go “boo”

Should’ve told me
Happily ever after wasn’t after us

Why
Do I always mess things up?
Turning
Friendship into crush into lack of said friendship.
I
Do not intentionally like those who seem to get me best,
But I,
Do not know how to not mess this up.
I
do not know how to not like her.
See I,
I have a girl crush.
The first since I was 15
So please
Don't take this, or my feelings too lightly;
And,
Because I'm not in a rush to
Tell her how I feel
I
Manage to be complacent with her friendship,
And her company.
See she
Could either become my best friend,
Or my nothing.
Because girl crushes,
For me,
Have always been nothing but unrealistic
Feelings unrequited,
Unreturned,
Unsatisfied;
So I
Shovel them into the mass grave of
Thoughts
And emotions
In hope that,
One day,
She'll dig them up like buried treasure
And treasure them
As if they were her own.
But how
Will she ever find their tombstone
If she doesn't even know what she's looking for?
Lost,
I ask for Her advice.
She
Always seems to have the best advice:
"follow your heart." she offers to me,
But,
Little does she know that means I would have to follow her all day and
I
Don't care much for being a shadow.
I
Ask her how to tell someone the truth about my emotions and she answers:
"With honesty"
And honesty
May always be the best policy for her,
But for me,
Only lies are worth living while I
Lay with someone else,
And the lies I tell myself.
So she
Stays in the dark of my feelings
And the real questions I want to ask
Like
"Should I let us remain friends? Or should I try to make us more?"
Make me
Into
Her companion
A
Two girl coven
With no room
For anything other than magic
And unmade memories
An
Empty grimoire
Filled with
Blank Polaroids,
Uncast spells,
And unspoken words
Of feelings unshared.
I
Don't mind the idea of a relationship unhad
But my brain
flickers like a broken street light
In warning that my feelings towards others are only fake
Refusing to let me ignore that he
Is nowhere close to she,
And that she
Will never truly care for me.
Not so long as she is oblivious,
And I am dishonest.

At the gate  between exit and entry,
stands guard a symbol with no spears, daggers or keys
no words spoken or written, just a mindset.

If you go inwards into yourself you will pass a quiet place
where  no  emotional sentries stand guard while
you seek solace in the silence of empty spaces

This is where you pause awhile, take stock and retreat
into inner spaces where reside completeness, and repair kits
which you yourself left there as a child.

Once the mystical journey is complete
return to the world of living, healed and wholesome
leave your baggage  at the exit point
leave a tithe for the  realms, return happy and simple.
uncast yourself from the mould of materialism
and wear this new skin of spiritualism
which will clothe you in perpetual warmth-
be among the worlds whole people
a renewed person.

Author Notes

Optional
© Marshall Gass. All rights reserved, 2 months ago

Time cannot be understood in human terms you see
The Universe explains itself, though not to you and me
Far out in the starlight lies an answer to it all
What have I done, where would I run, and hope to feel this small
For time does not consist of moments, seconds, days and years
You’ll find out in the distance, that your sorrow disappears
For we are made of starlight anyway, the story goes
Does time even exist at all?... The Heavens wont disclose

Look into the night, and you begin to travel back
Far into the past, deep in the skies of ivory black
Can you hear the ancient echoes ringing in your ears
You travel now in spacetime, collecting souvenirs
What if all things happen in a instant?...future, past...
Your then is now, but now is then your shadow now uncast
What would be your thoughts on Heaven , hell and earth as well
What would be inside my heart if true?... I just can’t tell

Everything you’ve ever known is waiting for you there
Though few you’ll find the answers to the Cosmos’ questionnaire
Ancient echoes lead you now to worlds lost long ago
Yours as well is gone lost far behind you, apropos...
Time is but a man made thing, a measure of duration
It’s concept loses meaning with the awesome presentation
The Universe may keeps it’s secrets, lost to you and I
But I can hear the ancient echoes,
in ivory blackened sky...

Dean Evans
5-2-14

It's so loud
Here in my head
Hello old voices
We meet again
Who knew screaming
Could be your friend
I know I'll hear them
To the end
Decorated nails
Piercing into skin
Beads of blood trickle
From tiny crescents
All alone
Surrounded by sharks
Really just empty water
Disguised by the dark
Trapped within bars
With mirrors attached
Under my own curse
A spell never to be uncast

comfortably relaxed
in front of a warming fireplace
somewhat in contemplation of the world
I recapitulate the day

but not too seriously

because the news over the internet
needs some deciphering and filtering
to figure out what’s really going on around the world
same for traditional media

reading through all the news
     the good and the bad
takes up most of my morning
      which I resent
I don't have so many mornings any more
       at my stage of advanced maturity …

I guess I am nostalgically
wishing for older days' simplicities
when one could understand
why certain people did say certain things
you knew the proper filters
to apply to sundry media and people

today it seems to me
that many politicians
say one thing now
      and just the opposite
      one minute later
or they ignore the questions
     and spout off on topics
      they prefer to sell

        and nobody complains
        about that ****** rhetoric

what kills democracy is just exactly
this erasure of trust and factuality
the relativization of all truths
reiterating lies and contradictions
until they sound like the new normal

this tends to make us think
that EVERYTHING in politics is ******
      not worth our vote

yet uncast votes are missed most bitterly

they make it possible
that radical minorities
can steal elections and then claim
they are the rightful leaders of the nation
with votes of less than 25 percent of the electorate
       and some gerrymandering

difficult times we live in

Using me as a weapon
  and not a shield

The Muse would
  parry and ******

Attacking with a message
  that wouldn’t yield

She prowled my light hours
  in disgust

The sword of my fathers
  hers by right

To ensure
  tonight’s salvation

Collapsing the moment
  reversing my sight

Each cut
  a revelation

All time was dead
  its hours uncast

As she thundered out a
  mystery

Her lightning destroying
  all futures past

My soul
  —in forced recovery

(Villanova Pennsylvania: April, 2015)

No clock can lay claim
  to the moment untimed

Though hands finely set
  still a mystery divine

Each tick plays a cadence
  to what is now past

But what of the future
  its measure uncast

We plot and record it
  hours, minutes, they chime

As all fantasy escapes
  —this delusion of time

(Villanova Pennsylvania: July, 2018)

Precious Days

7 July 2021

Forever was so far away.
Youth a blur, frozen day.
Life would ever last.
Future yet sweet uncast. .

I knew the path I walked.
Held the promise duty locked
Love was always near.
Loss unknown quickly teared.

Heard the cry of loons at dawn.
Squirrels racing every lawn.
Sunsets, eves of scarlet yawn. .
Morns, excited passioned dawns.

Children with their warm embrace.
Partner with a loving grace.
Years that quickly slipped away.
Kindren grown, on their way.

Successes life gifted me.
Acorns fell from every tree.
Newest quests raised desire.
Life set full afire.

Embers-of golden glow.
Graying airs began to show.
Changed to a simpler pace.
Watched other start their race.

Felt the wins of kindness last.
Swelled the winds of times now past.
Habits soon began to age.
Now lived another page.

Marked the cake at 83.
Candles lit on rolling seas.
Lovely woman married me.
Her care keeps me free.

As I near the end of time,
Solace lives in simple rhyme.
Lost so many to heaven’s door.
Tallying how I might score.

Cherish those precious days.
Albums, records, others say.
Grateful for memories found.
Love that keeps me still sround.