I lost my colors
in the dark pool of life
now i'm free and confused
black and white
tempted to jump back in

I lost my mind
in the corrupt society
and now the trophys I have created
they taunt me.

pinned to my walls
as I question,
their existance

I lost my heart
to a dream
that is now lost forever
in what used to be me

I see my fragments
in books I don't touch anymore
In  my words, I don't know
I wake up and ask myself
where did I go?

have I disappeared?

Everyday befor you walk out that doortheres that invisable line you have cross.A side you have to choose.Good or bad  right and wrong.Or if your truthful then you know the lines are often blurred.For often I have been cruel only to reflect apon kindness.The road teaches as well as masks a truthful manssoul.Youth fades  as we either move on or become part of a black hole  known as the past.It consumes even the strongest beliver turns the brightest eyes cold and vacant.And for thoose that see dreams they thirsted for come to a reality they realize what they chased.Was with them all along.Talent isnt captured it's born locked within the tortred soulto blind to understand that it it starts from within.for once at the at the top of one mountian you relizetheres only more of thoose ******* ahead.It's not about trophys and getting your *** kissed byothers who secretly thirst for your fall.Apon  reflection I wonder.Did I even want it at all?

Its time to draw a lot from a devils claw
Born in Soldotna to a family of outlaws
Went below Iowa off  Mound Street In Arkansas

Left  before we attended police court
Landed to heat and haze I lost my heart
Left it complete in yesterdays start

Bounced from hotel to motel
Settled down in a ghetto
And had no choice but to let go

New start became a bookworm
And the people made me squirm
Awkward red cheeks that would burn

The compliments came in often
But it only made me frighten
Called exceptional so often

Test always said I was bright
On every test I would write
Cheating out of sight

A diet of highs
Prizes, Trophys, lies
Gave my ego a rise

Dad did the best he could
Till the oxy popped his hood
Empty eyes haunt my childhood

Came to school holes in my jacket
Wadin in a cesspool a poor bracket
Low income the rule bein empty pockets

Ate at reduced price at the mess hall
Head full of lice, bed bugs on the wall
Mind full of lies, delusion my heal all

Voices in my head told me it would get better
Voiceless thoughts all that held me together
Tomorrow it'll get better, tomorrow is never

At recess I traded and sold pokemon cards
Started with a few old cards made more with words
A dollar here a quarter there robbed kids with a word

A few years later I got a step mother
She was an agitator and instigator
Drug addict waitress, a complete failure

Brought two kids, two chains on my dad
He was playin with roxy, eyes empty and sad
Step mom spent the money things got bad

Stopped leaving my room became a shut in
Years alone only out for school started fallin
Grades got worse, lost my friends, death was callin

Alone for years on end as my father abandoned me
Just like my mom who left so long ago with no apology
Failed my 8th grade year then got sent over the north sea

Departed for Alaska and found that my heart
I left so long ago at the start was forever lost
Not so smart and without a heart I began a new start