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P E Kaplan Sep 2011
Not sure why yard sales didn’t make the Stress Scale ‘cause the uptick in adrenaline, the ramped-up apprehension of letting stuff go, especially stuff that's been around for a while, the feeling of loss, picturing someone with your old stuffed pony, it’s painful.

This saying goodbye to things brings an emotional dilemma, a mixed-up sense of knowing it's high time for the thing-a-ma-bob with no actual relevance, to be dumped while some queasy feeling of unexpected meaning to the thing erupts.  

And an inner kid sputters, "No, please not my wacha-ma-call-it, no, I’m not ready yet.” or your favorite uncle's favorite chipped ashtray along with the obnoxious bric-a-brac, knick-knack, from; who was it again, suddenly becomes the Hope Diamond.

Yep, yard sales are tough, your private junk out for all the world, to ******, to turn upside down and sour-faced putting it down, as you breathe a sigh of relief the bozo didn’t take home your treasured, dusty paper weight with the faded shamrock inside.

Seriously, yard sales are like putting your whole life on the front page, exposed to strangers, because friends with your best interest in mind, tell you to simplify, clean out, move on, start anew after they’ve witnessed your life fly apart…

Like a paper napkin flies up into a gust of wind, swirls upwards  catches forever on a branch and these self-same, well-meaning pals are incapable of your need to keep the rusty tea kettle, the one you boiled water in to make tea for your sweetheart every day.

Then, when finally you’ve sorted through it all and it’s laid out defenseless in the grass, beside the “House for Sale” sign, you spot some **** fool, your dead mother's "Old Faithful" trivet held high, the one she got on the only vacation she ever had, yelling,  "Hey sis, will ya take a dime for this?"

And the raindrops begin to fall.
Aisle putt ta ma head but tween these skinny legs
and kiss thine braying *** good-bye
asper ma person, thine gluteus maximus
a boot the size of a hand held palm pilot cell phone,
hence nada worth ache cry
though ah share a preference not hood die
yet if push (shin the atomic bombardier button)
combs **** hove Eli
zha would be nowhere in sight,
thence salvation might be sought from a common
(sad dulled) horse fly
to bring deliverance (due ling ban joe plucked solo) to this guy
who reckons, there will no time to converse
‘cept as mentioned earlier me high
knee will be the sole recipient I
will spout hot air
and confuse the burst of flatulence from ma bare
swaying per suede bell bottom as an echo – loud and clear
that used to be mode of en dear
mint ‘tween muss elf and spouse – wherever she may be ‘ere
a presumption, she met her demise amidst radiation with fear
and loathing uncertain who to vent her angry glare
understandable to pay price for the folly of heir
don trump – perchance he too got vaporized as faux icier
flakes flittering among the global debacle – where jeer
grim reaper will be feted as like
at a fancyfeast with choicest bit
of human remains of the doomsday,
and immune to perilous nuclear fit
loosed upon the terra firmae,
where most every metropolitan center ground zero
but with heavy-duty weapons of mass destruction,
one need not make a direct hit
cuz the deadly fallout will make the entire globe
tuff Hester and become liquefied bubbling
as one large snake pit
thus no more poetry competitions –
**** –
yet writing aye will not quit
but scratch out whatever thoughts seem worthwhile
*** ping will discover bunched inside a iron made in USA trivet
and held tightly sealed via many makeshift rivet.
alternately titled: breast ****** fallacy hi-jinxed!

In her “60 Minutes” interview aired
Sunday (March 26th, 2018),
the **** star known within red district
as Stormy Daniels bared
her "naked lady" version

swearing oath of honesty,
she emphatically **** cleared
on a stack of video nasties,
and ******* 'zines
now she can live rest of life

guilt free offloading
hush money endeared
a posteriori into infinitely
jesting bordello loop

with calmly enchanting bug eyed,
drooling media hounds,
whose nostrils flared
squelching the trumpeting Don,

who maliciously glared
for traitorously breaching
“genital man's agreement”),
playing the (sock it to him role
of goody two shoes)
christened Stephanie Clifford)

shaggy long haired
pseudo Mayflower madam averred
to right justice in sought after
****** free nation,
where the turkey
ought tubby national bird

mandating free codicil
to second amendment as of furred
thus, that *** hide from right to bear arms
premature sea r man *******
of Peter ought to be heard

where sudden sound
sans ***** seams burst
**** strapped unseen bulging Johnson's
onslaught hail of expletives cursed
out the mouth of salty sailor spewing Prez,
hook halled for a recess first
and foremost before
questioning resumed
     automatically immersed

within ****** tabloid pulp pit
***** sing Bacchanalian refused to quit
particularly when groin
set zipper (flimsy – obviously,

NOT put thru linkedin
locked down rigorous paces
realized, when pry vet eylit
of trouser snake split)

yielding singular (nada so sterling)
gamut gallimaufry variegated erector set
with singular bulbous
ram rod rocket like trivet.
Dennis Willis Aug 2019
A clear round
wobbly trivet
on the way
to having a depression
about happiness
awaits the saucy spoon
oh i swoon
please visit me
this afternoon

— The End —