Tick tock, tick tock
the clock clicks.
Seconds, minutes, hours pass
as I sit here thinking of you.

"Drew," his voice fills my thoughts
"Are you okay?
Do we need to go talk?"
My heart starts to ache.

The familiar red truck comes into view.
We were inside,
driving around as I complained about life.
He listened to my every word.

Tick tock, tick tock
the clock continues to click
tick tock, tick tock
the clock grows louder with every tick

Louder, louder, and louder.
The clock's clicking fills my ears
until I can't hear my own thoughts.
My heart beat quickens

Tick tock, tick tock
I grab my hair in clumps
and my vision blurs
Tick tock, tick tock

I let out a scream,
running to the clock on the wall.
Clutching it in my hands,
my knuckles turn white.

Ripping the clock off the wall,
I let out a cry and throw it.
Hitting the ground,
the clock smashes into a thousand pieces.

Falling to my knees,
tears stream down my face.
Thoughts of you fill my mind,
Your voice rushes through my ears.

"I love you,
I miss you,
I will see you soon,
Love always and forever."

I sit down and lean my back against the wall.
Running my hands through my hair,
I whisper,
"Please come back soon."

You know that feeling. Everyone does. But that certain feeling, when your gut is being pulled and twisted. And your chest ****** dry. Your eyes are sunken into your skull and your limbs made of glass. Dust in your mouth and your ears refuse to let in a single sound. Paralyzed. Your brain and your body. Get the hell away from me. No, stay! The first one is for everyone else the second is for me. Do I really mean that much? You’re smart, you tell me. Keep talking, keep thinking. That’s what’s keeping you here. No don’t talk. The secret will slip and then you’ll trip and fall. Just think, think, and think. About what? About anything of course! But there’s one thing that you can’t stop thinking about. Now keep it to yourself. Because, shh, we can’t let the secret slip, now can we? Cold air rushing in, gripping and tearing at the skin. You remember don’t you? Breathe, you have to, don’t stop breathing. Magnificent we got what we needed. No there’s more. But what? It’s not over so quiet! I don’t know what but there’s more. Tick, tock, tick, tock. It’s coming, wait for it. Time is our enemy. **** it, beat the time. You understand, don’t you? No, of course you do. What a stupid question. Stupid questions. And this is all happening right here, right now, right then, right where? Right here that’s where! Right then that’s now! Now do you understand? Yes, of course. Just what I thought, just what we think. What we think. Are we one? We’re one. Us. Him. Her. Them. They. All plurals, all together yet apart. Wait, what? I DON’T KNOW! Don’t ask me! I didn’t do this you did! I know I did but why didn’t you stop me! Save it! Please, I’m begging. Who cares? They do. Who does? No one does. Really? That’s what I thought what we thought. You have no idea what you’re doing do you? Of course I do. Why do you say that? Because I know you. Who doesn’t? I don’t. Yes you do. Never together always apart. What was that? What was what? You tell me you’re the one paying attention! To what!? To everything! I talk to you, you are supposed to talk to me back! It’s how this works. Make sense! Tick, tock, tick, tock. It’s closer! You can stop it! Just finish it! Cut it. What it? That it? What’s it?! It’s it! It’s over. What is? It. Don’t you understand? By now I don’t really expect you to. It is everything. It is everyone. It is anything, something, that thing. What thing? That thing! Don’t you get it now? Tick, tock, tick, tock. Spin around the clock. Life’s a clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock. When the bell rings. What happens then? What happens when? Secret, slipping. Flesh, peeling. I DON’T KNOW! Stop. STOP ALL OF THIS! Shh. Do you hear that? Hear what? I said shut up. Do you hear it? Exactly, do you hear, “it.” It is nothing. It is everything. It is time. It is our ally and our enemy. Our destruction and our life. When your gut is being pulled and twisted, your chest ****** dry, eyes sink into the back of your skull, dust, no sound, paralyzed. Tick, tock, tick, tock. It’s only a matter of time. Your life spins around and around. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Your life on a clock.

Tick,
Tock,
Goes the clock
As it counts the moments we're apart.
Tick,
Tock,
Passing every second of our lives
And watching the changes.
Clocks see it all.
Tick,
I've got a chance.
Tock,
It'll never happen.
Tick,
It could be me.
Tock,
But it's not.
Tick,
I hug him.
Tock,
He lets go.
Tick,
He makes me smile.
Tock,
He makes me cry.
Tick,
Tock.
He's here,
He's gone.
Tick, tock,
I love him still.
Every beat of my heart
And every second of the clock.
Measuring time in love,
And the clock ticks on.

A special oath
tick-tock
witten on note
tick-tock
it's twelve o'clock
tick-tock
the room is locked
tick-tock
a special letter
tick-tock
for someone holy
tick-tock
from something lowly
tick-tock
it's twelve o'clock
tick-tock
heavy breaths
tick-tock
my heartbeats race
tick-tock
but why does
silence
tick,
and violence
seems to
tock,
please make
it
tick
solid
crimson
morbid
streams
tock
growling
tight
gra­sp
tick
hanging
high
tock
above
tick
the hollow
tick
rope
tick
please
tick
tick

tick

t i c k





stop.

tick tock
the sound from the clock drives me insane as it echoes infinitely throughout the depths of my brain
tick tock.
the sound of your watch constantly clicking reminds me of the deadline i have until it's too late
tick tock
"my watch is a little slow"
thank you for leaving me with less time than i already had
thank you.
tick tock
how long until you notice that my hands have been fidgeting and shaking this entire time
tick tock
how long until you notice that i've grasped the seat and my knuckles are turning white
tick tock
this is my end and i'm not sure if you care but at least i tried
tick tock
you've paid attention to my good efforts but have torn them down with your negative words and rude remarks
tick tock.
"you are becoming the most negative person i know"
i guess i'm taking the likeness of you, you're a disease.
tick tock.
leave me.
tick tock.
one chance.
tick tock.
how long does it take?
tick tock.
tick-

tick tock

first 
I walk

tick tock

then 
I run
tick tock

when
the world
comes
crashing
down
around me

tick tock

I stop
tick tock

as the fiery

inferno
of oblivion

tick tock
swallows me

tick tock

I am
forgotten

tick tock

a single star
in the abbys

of a universe

tick tock

times
up

Can you hear that?
Time passing
Without a care?

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Can you feel that?
Your time,
That's slowly running out?

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Can you see that?
How long it's been
Since they texted back?

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Have you felt this?
Clocks slowly
Counting your days
Hours
Minutes
Seconds

Till you're gone
Listen to them

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Time is short
Make the most of it

Tick, tick, tock, tick,
Listen to all the clocks, tick.
Horology drew me with all of it's sounds,
The shop here simply resounds,
I'm bound.

Tick, tick, tock, click!
Turn the key in the lock, click.
There is no quiet in this place,
But I can hear my own heart pace,
Trying to win a race.

Tick, tick, tock, chime!
All the bells go off, chime!
The time chimes right exactly on nine,
The noise is less than divine,
All mine.

None knows the hollow sound,
But me!
Up all night listening,
Listening.
None knows the auditory drowning,
But me!
Deep in my veins,
With it's deathly melody!

Tick, tick, tock, cuckoo!
Chimes weren't enough, cuckoo, cuckoo!
The little birds jump out of thier beds,
Swirling into my tired head,
A moment later, the noise is dead.

Tick, tick, tock, hush.
I mutter under my breath, hush.
I'm trying to write for my own peace of mind,
Where are the words I need to find?
I'm blind, I must be blind.

Tick, tick, tock, clunk,
The thud of the door behind, clunk.
Free of this shop and it's midnight embrace,
The ideas it tried to lace,
The end of a day.

No tick, no tock, no clicks, no locks,
Home where I await,
The sun to rise and touch my eyes,
The light can only harmonize.
And now I'm here the day is so loud,
But you help me forget the sound.

Tick, tick, tock, tick,
Even out here the clocks, tick.
All I want is the silence,
Devoid of this silly rhyming,
The silence I found  in you.

"How" he asks
"does cancer happen?"
He holds a time bomb
over his head.

Tick-Tock
Tick-Tock

The first as one year.
365 days
to decide where death
was going to bring us.

buried or cremated
home or hospital
fight or flight

Tick-Tock
Tick-Tock

The second was 6 months
182 days
half the time
to decide where death
was taking us.

better or worse
fight or sleep
continue or stop

Tick-Tock
Tick-Tock

The last was days,
the total unknown
while traitor cells continue
to spread chaos

sleep or sleep
sleep or sleep
life or peace

Tick-Tock
Tick-Tock

"Cancer" I answer
"Happens when cells
decide to not listen,
they go crazy."

5 weeks, he chose.
make peace with the past
find sleep,
find relief.

Tick-Tock
Tick...

Listen to the clock
Tick tock tick tock
Now listen to me talk
Tick tock tick tock
You I've got on lock
Like a ship attached to its dock
Tick tock tick tock
As the hands move
Life is brought to a doom
As the hands move
Life starts to bloom
Tick tock tick tock
Patience is key
And soon you will come to me

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
You hear that?
With every tick is I miss you.
With every tock is an I love you.

Tick, I miss you. Tock, I love you.

Every waking second, all I want to do is talk to you.
Every waking second, all I want to do is be with you.

It's cold outside right now.
The silence is too deafening. But I am simultaneously reminded by the thought of you.
It's too noisy in my head right now.
All I could hear is tick, tock, tick, tock.

Words may not express every waking second that I miss you, or I love you.

My dear, if you do hear me saying these words, give the clock a listen.
With every second you'll hear a tick.
With every second you'll hear a tock.

If when the time comes that I am not able to say these words, give our dear clock a listen.

And whatever the clock is saying, is what my mind is thinking, and what my heart is feeling.

Tick, tock, my love.
Tick.
Tock.

Tick tock, tick tock
Time goes by without hindrance
As easily as a breath
Without care to anything it affects.

Tick tock, tock tick
There is no escape from time
Lo, make the best of it.
For your time will end someday.

Alas, let this not be a burden.
For with time comes wisdom,
With each second you gain experience
And slowly learn who you are.

Tick tock, tick tock
People come and go.
Only those worth your time stay
Those that are not fade.

Tick tock, tock tick
Cherish those that are
Love with all your heart.
For your time will come.

And when your time is up
Become the memory for those
That you loved without hinderance.
Be as steady as time.

Lo, may your heart last forever
Cherished in the hearts of those
For time never waits.
Nor should your love.

Tick tock, tick tock.

Tick tock
Time is running out
What are you doing you worthless ****?

Tick tock
Goes the clock
Invading your dreams

Tick tock
No time left
Your failours are done and complete

Tick tock
Tick tock
TICK TOCK

The rythem burning through my mind

Tick ******* tock
Your time is over

Tick tock goes the clock
And what now shall we play?
Tick tock goes the clock
Now summer's gone away?
Tick tock goes the clock
And what then shall we see?
Tick tock until the day
That thou shalt marry me
Tick tock goes the clock
And all the years they fly
Tick tock and all too soon
You and I must die
Tick tock goes the clock
He cradled her and rocked her
Tick tock goes the clock
Even for the Doctor...

Tic.
Tock.
There goes the clock.

Tic.
Tock.
There goes another hour.
Power.
That's what the clock has over us,
ticking from our first fuss,
to the last time we tie our shoes and get on a bus.

Tic.
Tock.
There goes the clock.

Tic.
Tock.
Another clogged up rut.
The odd feeling in my gut,
the sound of the ticking making me jut.
The door is shut.

Tic.
Tock.
There goes the clock.

Tic.
Tock.
Can't you see?

It was me.
I tried to be set free,
I wanted to flee,
I just wanted to be.
Forgive me?

Tic.
Tock.
There goes the clock.

Tic.
Tock.
The mouse is in trouble.

Bubble.
The clock had it popped,
your life has been cropped,
your skull was dropped.

Tic.
Tock.
There goes the clock.

I believe that life happens between the points of a few good moments
and a few bad ones.
All that’s between are only shades of blue,
grey, whites, blacks and weddings and funerals and christenings.
I don’t know what life is
But surely, it must soon start.
I mean, the clock keeps ticking,
ticking,
ticking…
Tick, tock. Tick, tock…

I believe that the shades of grey are tests
Tests I must pass.
But life goes on.
Tick, tock.

Ok, I admit it. I don’t know.
When does life happen – when we find out to be alive?
-  or when we wish we were dead?
When I cry into my pillows and hope the rest of my dorm won’t hear me, but hoping someone will take care of me.
Take all the weight off your shoulders. Kiss you. Hold you close.
**** me.

No, I didn’t mean it that way. Ok, so maybe I do.
But we’re drifting away from each other – like two opposites, going our separate ways.
Tick, tock.
Stop the ticking, please. Make it stop.
“Don’t you want to get better?” Yes, I do.
“I know you’ve been here before.” Tick, tock.

So, for how long am I supposed to cry into my pillow – loneliness as my only friend; constantly lurking behind me; my shadow is loneliness – my face is lies. Pleased to meet you.
But back to him. I want to talk about him.
Tick, tock.
Shut up,
this is important.

“I’m just looking at the prettiest girl here,” you told me.
If I knew what I know now, I would have run away.
I would never have let you give me compliments; lever let you twist my hair; never let you kiss me; never let you touch me. Never let anyone touch me.
Go away.
Leave me.
The shades are all black.
My shadow creeps up on me.

I smile. And I don’t look happy. The face staring back at me is broken.
Tick, tock. Tick,
tock.
They talk. They know. They keep talking. I walk away.
“Mum, I’m not alright.”
“I know. You’ve been here before.”
Shades are grey – shades are black. The sky is dark. My face still doesn’t look happy.

My family keeps falling apart.
My home is no longer my home.
My friends, no longer so interested.
New friends. New places to hide.

Part one. I’m on a train. I’m standing on snow.
Part two. I’m in a car. I’m falling apart home.
Part three. I’m with you.
I’m alone. I guess that’s another story – but it’s not. It’s just me, and my friends loneliness, and my friend silence, and pillows, and lies on repeat.

So, for once. I understand.
It was a question of time before I broke too.
I wish I was dead, sometimes. But how can I give up when I have tasted the sweetness?
I have seen tiny sunrays; I have smelled your skin; felt your body; touched your soul – and then been crushed under myself and my enormous tumour of social sanctions.
I’m not allowed to love unconditionally.
I constantly find reasons to run.
Part one, part two, part three.
The ending comes later. The sad ending.

He doesn’t want me, I figure. And is confimed.

“It’s – it’s – “
“Please, just say it.” I swallow. “What happened between us?”
“Well, it’s – it’s – the age gap.”
Really.

I push people away.
I break their skulls and their hearts, and I find myself hiding like an unhappy fool.
- Who could ever want me?
They already taught me: the ones who love you will sooner or later hurt you, and let you rot in yourself; let you stay alone.
Destroy possibilities to climb back up – and that’s worse than hurting now.
It’s been worse.
They’ve humiliated me and destroyed me and my hopes and my intentions.
I don’t want to lose myself again.
Part one,
two,
three.

Hug me in the rain and laugh at my objections.
Show me the pictures of your family.
Let me in.
… maybe I’ll let you in too.

We ****** each other (over).
Was that really a good idea?
I can do that completely fine by myself, thank you.
Tick, tock. Really, still?
“… The prettiest”
Your lies are deceiving me. Your smile deceives me.
“Does it hurt?” “No, not so much. I’m okay.”

Please, I beg you.
Make it hurt.

I want it all.
The hurting; the people; the time; the time I don’t have; your smile and your lies.
“What is it you’re not telling me?” “Nothing, mum. It’s nothing.” She starts crying on the phone.
Silence.
But please. Let me in.
Knock, knock.
It’s raining. Please, can you let me in?

I have no home.
I’m just constantly hiding, running and trying to find someplace safe. Someone safe.

We could make it, you know.
“I don’t know what is happening now. I don’t know what we do.” “That’s fine. Me neither.” Kisses.
Where are your kisses now?

All I have is my sorrow, my shadow and my wet pillow.
And it hasn’t been raining. Screaming into my pillow.
Save me – just this once. I’m begging for help.
Can’t anybody
see
me?
Screaming out?

Grow up. Don’t write that.
Are you really that desperate?

Maybe life is only time.
Maybe time is just an illusion that one day another day will come, when time is really just night an day
– not years and weeks, but just empty days and nights.
Maybe life isn’t a linear curve where things get better as I previously had thought.

Just get out of this town.
Just grow up.
Just show them how good I can be.

I failed two classes this year.
I moved away from home;
and now they sell my home for strangers to live where I once played, cried, slept and laughed – by myself. Where my dreams were made.
And now; they seem to be crushed by waves crashing to the shore.

And my wall is finally crumbling down.

Inevitable. I scream into my pillow.
Hoping
for
a
better
day.

And I hang up the phone. Please, just take me in.

**Night to: 27th of May 2014

Tick* goes the clock
I think a thousand thoughts
Before it can chime tock

Don't smoke, I thought you stopped
Don't be sad, I know you're not
Don't cut , or at least, not a lot

Tick says the clock.

Three seconds have gone by
"Is the day over?" I sigh
I can't last but I'll try
Eight cuts on my thigh

tock chimes the clock

My lungs, they burn
My brain begins to yearn
I won't give in, I'll live and learn

TICK yells the clock

Time is so loud and slow
I can't take much more
I need help but you'll never know

TOCK! The clock screams

It's in my brain
I can't shake it loose
I'm losing my rhyme
My speech becomes uncouth

TICK

There are voices in the background
I cannot abide them
I hate it, I hate sounds

TOCK

Just one cut
Won't be too much
Right? Right!?

tick...

And the vertigo recedes
Suddenly, I can think
And time doesn't pass slowly

tock...

Perhaps I shall smoke
Until I die
And at my funeral, no one will cry

Tick...

The day's almost over
I've done pitiful little
Yet my nerves are run brittle

Tock

"Not again!" I beg
I can't take this
And, looking at my knife,
I am hopeless

tick-tock Tick-Tock TICK-TOCK *TICK-TOCK!

Anticipation
Anticipation
Anticipation
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap
Flip, flip, stop, flip, flip, flip
Yawn, stretch, yawn, stretch

Anticipation
Tap tap, tap tap, tap tap,
Tick tick tick, tick tick tick, tick tick tick
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock
Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip
Yawn, stretch, yawn, strecth
Tap tap tap, tap tap tap, tap tap tap

Anticipation
Anticipation
Anticipation
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap
Flip, flip, stop, flip, flip, flip
Yawn, stretch, yawn, stretch

Tick tock tick tock
Our love, it's like a clock
With a battery about to wear
It causes paranoia I swear

Tick tock tick tock
Our love, it's like a bomb
Not knowing when it'll explode
We accepted it and explored

Tick tock tick tock
Like a medicine soon to expire
Taking it like my life, on it relies
Overdosed, like I wanna die

Tick tock tick tock
Like every New Year's countdown
But this has nothing to celebrate for
It's the time when our hearts will mourn

Tick tock tick tock
It is God's way to mock
I am just a human; He is God
I cannot do anything but to just absorb the shock

Tick tock.
The clock strikes midnight.
Tick tock.
The town is in a deep slumber.
Tick tock.
I've run out of time.
Tick tock.
I can only remember your sweet smile.
Tick tock
I guess its time to leave.
Tick tock
If only i had enough time to say i love you.
Tick tock.
I love you.
Tick... tock..
The room is still as my breath and soul leave before i can even blink.
Tik tok.