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Peter J Thomas Mar 2016
I'd like a tasty toastie,

Filled with scalding hot cheese,

The sort of food that burns your mouth,

Yet somehow continues to please.
Diane Jul 2017
We’ve all got a wee guy sitting
on our shoulder.

Her wee guy tells her to
have another glass of wine!
have another glass of wine!
one more glass of wine! To help you relax!
(She has to get up for work at 6am tomorrow
morning.)
(Her office is a 25 mile drive from her home.)

Your wee guy tells you to
just take off the ******!
She’s on the pill and
it’ll feel better for both of you!
You can’t remember when you were last tested for STDs and
you’re so drunk that
you can’t even remember her name.

The wee guy on my shoulder
sits with his legs crossed, slit-eyed, and instructs:
“If you’re going to have a Brie toastie for lunch, you must use low calorie bread. Less than 70kcal per slice. No butter. No jam. No pesto. No spread. You don’t
deserve to taste.”

The ‘opportunity cost’ of tasty cheese
is bread like cardboard:
brittle like my bones and
dry like my hair and
lacking.
Which is
exactly how I feel about myself sometimes.

I used to turn my head towards him
and say: “okay, pal, I’ll do exactly as you say!”
Today I said
I should put pesto on my Brie toastie
I have a bit of weight
still to restore and
I really like pesto!

I like
myself sometimes.

So I had a Brie and pesto toastie for lunch and
moved on with my day.
This is reference to the 'separation' technique often used in eating disorder recovery, where patients are often asked to engage in a dialogue between their 'healthy voice' and 'eating disorder voice'.
andy fardell Feb 2011
4am
Why oh why do we do it ...
Why oh why do we care ...
4o'clock in the morning
it aint really fair

bed is the place I'd rather be
warm and toastie inside
all wrapped up and still to tired
far to cold to be outside

Have to work to pay the bills
why oh why oh why
Diane Jul 2017
I’m writing an essay
on purging variables. It involves some fieldwork:
today I’m going try porridge. Yesterday I tried soup and cucumber slices.
Hypothesis: If I use a 2:1 fluid to oats ratio, it’ll be so ******* easy that
it will barely qualify as
self-induced regurgitation!
Result: self-hatred, an electrolyte imbalance, a ******* sore throat and
two hours of my life that
I will never get back.

(Once, I really wanted to purge an ice cream cone. Instead
I was staring back at
bits of a cheese toastie and salad, which I’d
had before
the cone.
****’s sake.
Bodies are weird!
Or maybe
the data I’ve been gathering on this
pro-ana forum is unreliable? Citation needed.)

I’ve got a presentation tomorrow
on calorie deficits.
If you want to have 35g porridge oats and 45g banana for breakfast
then you must make it with 120ml water and 80ml almond milk!
Or you could
skip the banana entirely and
Have 45g oats with
a drizzle of honey.

It’s as simple as that!
This or that—
If P then Q
A scientific practicality!

A logical fallacy
eroding my sanity.
Birdie May 15
People ask me
‘What have you been up to?’
And I say ‘staying alive’
People find it funny
Another silly joke from
Silly little me
But it’s not a joke at all
For here I am
On a Wednesday afternoon
Eating a cheese toastie
Instead of killing myself
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2020
boyscout leftover p.s.: can i inform you over some missed conjunctions? pet-peeve... at least one...how else to other than end it all: ON... "cute" via... it's one of those moments when... you're listening to Portugal. the man... rebel for kicks... and you switch over to... blind lemon: no rain... and somehow i'm not quiet my age... and in my rucksack... there's no hitting on but there's the circus of language to at least be had... with a dozen clowns clammering into an italian expertise of the motor: gazel or... whatever a mustang is for... via the fiat 126p... because it's oh so funny... and i can't but like how this poem juxtaposes... ha! kevin and perry's: big fish little fish cardboard box... all seriousness "out of the window" if you will mind citing Wall St... but this is such a nice widow of spare time to allowed a comment... one can almost imagine fishing with big daddy W... who isn't even Welsh or a Walker... hell... i was really expecting Walter to crop up... but that's fishing for you...cuddling cod... as a fan of ***** in pictures... i can almost, certainly... understand the instant appeal... one has to desire a deaf-spot when it comes to... these subsequent operatics and arias... of the onomatopoeia... it sounds... it sounds like... sitting on a chair... or wiping one's mouth with a napkin... you can almost see... when a lay-d will require her day-d of... please! please! no sycophancy or those horrid ****** monologues! i'm out of steam on those swipes swipes swipes... i have yet to meet the Thane of Cawdor! to me Shakespeare begins and ends with Macbeth... as i ask: are you deserving of any overt-****-up words of "harking adverse" to any advice already given? ha ha... this is me attempting my best attempt at... peacoking and cuckoldry... and i can't help myself from the teenage girl giggling...  perhaps i too was a Mr W once... you really spoil him though... the "suspence" thriller! at best: in good humour... at worst: the remnants of humour...but as a delicacy for a... ahem... "goddess of poetry"... your *****-nilly slip-up for the awaited for... your highness... reply... ha ha... it would really require one to read some Charles Dickens before having the audacity to borrow some Shakespeare... and that's to mind not borrowing a ditto quote... oh the airs and the hot-air balloons of what england wishes it was had it not acquired the culinary customs of the hindu Raj... or some otherwise random worth of *******... otherwise thank you... it allowed me a giggling to feel like... a cherub massaging me... or what's reserved for some of us, when in the presence of children, one is to be left being mistaken for a donkey; subsequently being ridden on... imagine... a grown man having to shuffle on all fours for some pissy-pants napoleon shouting: fore! but i like all this "suspense" though... ahem... serious people deserve serious *** a propos mention contracts. the poem's great though... for some reason... i saw the bouquet before the words.

Matthew Conrad - you definitely sound a minor tweak off being a william burroughs': overlapping juxtaposition... then again i'm just your casual grey-area Joe and not having words bound to professional critique... because i would most certainly be happier being the next best "thing" in terms of plumbing... and leaving this area readied with grief for one of my offspring... but since that's not going to be: on the hollywood production line of "made into a reality"... for the common toastie and tea to boot... once upon a time one was somehow allowed to enterain the recycled dream oops: of my my, oh my deluded self, "self"... how else to other than end it all "cute" via: hope to hanging up those sort of dresses of yourself, which you will never wear.

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