I'm sorry for what I did to you.I never meant to break your heart.I sometimes wonder if things could be differentif we made a new start.You should know that I'm confused and scared and I don't know what to do.All I know is that sometimes I wishthat I was still with you.In the beginning you made me feel so goodbecause I thought you needed me,but I just didn't understand how very hard these things can be.I felt that I had lost myself amidst that chaos that we shared.I didn't like the person I was then.I wasn't even sure the real me was still there.I know that none of that was your fault.I never really let you seethat there were times I needed you just as much as you needed me.Instead I let my anger grow until I thought that I would drown.Ending what we had together was the only solution that I found.Now when I look back on our timeI wonder what might have beenif I'd just had the courage to tell youall of this back then.You were my first everything.You opened up my heart.When I think of that it seems so crazyfor us to be apart.And yet I'm scared to try again,scared of the pain that I might cause.I don't know if you realize how terrible it wasto see how badly you were hurtby something I had done.But I didn't know what else to doso I decided to just run. I wanted you to know that,in all my adult life,that night we talked in that parking lotyou saw the only tears I've cried.

Maybe it was the first time I thought about death.Maybe it was the first timeI wished I could die.Maybe it was the first time.I actually tried to **** myself.or the next few times.

I ask myself why I didn't succeed the first time
Or the next.What's the point of living.When I died inside the first time death crossed my mind.

Its like I'm waiting for the end desperately.I fear that one day I'll force it on my self.Is it true some people die before their time?Should I call them lucky?

What is the point of living.If every day I feel lost, lonely, empty.....What is the point in believing.
When every day reminds me I've failed.Searching impossible sources for happiness...Being reminded daily that sadness and bad things happen.

They say I am ungrateful and difficult.Every one only sees the things I want as exaggerating life.Do they ever wonder what their words do to me?Do they ever worry that I feel rejected and alone?Do they ever miss me when I am out of sight?

Whats the point in staying here if I'll never belong?

I have thought about therapyTelling a stranger my sad damaged mind....Because I feel so depressed right now and I have felt like this for so long I am just tired to having to hold back the tears when all I want to do is scream and die.