When the world fades
I am all alone in the
nighttime with no one
to guide me
Through this dark abyss
of the apple of my eye
I give to you the secret of my life
Im better thatn those in whom
you place your trust
dont lie to me
I can hear your soul
It rings of deciet

It's something just boiling inside me but it something that's keeping my sanity. It's something that leaves me nervous but also keeps me excited. It's the only shot I have but also the only risk I can take. It's your heart and it can be pampered just as easily as it can be crushed. I can make your tears appear just as easily as I can make you blush. I can make you laugh just as easy as I can make you upset. And I can easily make you remember just as easily as you forget. The word is love and It's a tough subject but it's a war I would rather accept thatn a war with the word regret. Second thoughts easily dismember my train of thought and your smile leaves my throat in a clotted knot. I tell myself to not hold back but all I feel is restraint and I tell myself it could go better but I would leave that up to your decision that is made.

TODAY WAS FURKING GREAT
ITS FURKING AWESOME
LIFE IS FURKING AWESOME
AND I HAVE RIGHT NOW TO DO ****
RIGHT AT THIS ******* MOMENT
AND IM GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT NOW
AND CHILL BECAUSE I'M LIVING FOR ME
like today i was chillin in my car and some lady just stared at me like full out stared, turned her whole *** back around too...
and my instinct was to show her how much i didn't give a **** about her
but you know what it's my life, people have no in on my life, they can't change who I am and i should'nt be afraid of that because if i really allow myself to love myself i'll be fine
like...
people don't even exist
it's only me and my life
whoever i let in is my buissness
whoever i don't then i'm sorry we couldnt chill
but life goes on
i can't continue to aspire to be proud of having boys google over me
or be ashamed when people laugh at me
or get embarrased or continue to get jealous over societal pretty girls
like yeah i'm different so the **** what
i'm done trying to prove it
so what i do what i do
it's my life isn't it
i only have this moment and the rest of my life to LIVE
my life is winding down
and i might have wasted 2 months of it...that i can't get back
like...
life is like a big old ice *** full of millions of people
melting little by little every second
beautiful but messy as ****
like were all beautiful, unique, different from each other
Africans, gays, lesbians, whites, native americans, like everybody we all shine equally
life is not a competition
....why does there need to be a high and a low
....lets ******* co exist like God intended
...i dont know about you guys but I'm done fighting myself against the world
the world has enough hate that i just don't want to be apart of and add on too so im out
I'd rather just chill in my own little world
with my people, new people who will come in and out...and maybe back in
...but my world is of love
...when someone calls me ugly...i say...ok and keep it movin
theres  no need to prove to them that i'm not what they think i am, or prove that i'm worthy
...not neccessary
...simply because it's my world
my life
no space, nor time, to be thinking about not giving a ****, about people, about life 24/7 like i think alot more about life thatn i actually live it and its ****** up
....i'm cutting all that uneeccesary thinking out, all that trash talk, all that rebellion against haters, no time to compete
no interest
...i value what i value
i love what i love
...i do what i do
you have your way i have mine
i define my own worth
i define my life
and simply i can choose
so **** U