Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
exxxuberance Apr 2015
probably because i keep putting you first,
before everything else that i ever thought of before -

these feelings of missing people before i love them too much
haunt me everyday
you don't understand,
you still go home to the same people you laid next to on a changing table, have beers with people who learned to suckle on their thumbs
around the same time as you

the people i go home to
i shook their hands as we both signed our 1-year lease
and soon i'll shake their hands goodbye and good riddance

i hold these ******* fears and horrifies and terrifies and tears
in my chest, i can't afford to keep loving people and letting them go
into the world without me at their side -
i hate loving people and cutting these red strings that connect us,
i love so deeply and i just want to see you succeed and give you
flowers and kisses, and hold you in my arms when you feel the world
crumbling down around you -
i promise i can love, my love is a wicked one
i just cant keep loving and breaking, loving and breaking

when can i love and love and love and love
without end

with you
you terrify me
you're here and then you're gone
and you try to reassure me that you're always always here
but i can't trust it when you only come and peek
into my life for 5 seconds at a time and then you're gone
living your own,
i'm so scared you'll love someone else and leave because i am
so in love with you and loving and breaking with you
will **** me
it'll **** me
let me **** my heart first before you try to do it yourself
Joanna Mar 2016
It terrifies me to know that one day, you will simply be gone,
That you will walk out that door and that I will never hear from or see you again,
That the person who I stayed up with until 4 in the morning telling everything to is someone that I hope to one day pass on the street,
just to know that you're okay.

It scares me to know that our time is running short, because TIME doesn't stop for anyone, And with time, memories fade and with it will your face and I'm trying so hard to engrave it on my skin.
You.
My most beautiful sin.

Momma told me nothing good happens after two am and maybe she's been right all along because that is when I fell for you,
In the hours of the love affair between the moon and sun, existing together only momentarily before one is overrun,
like them we are meant to always reach for one another but never quite get there,
Because the universe is run by magic and we have none.

But I will always be willing to die every night as the moon does for the sun if it means seeing it bounce off your whiskey colored eyes I used to get drunk off of, one last time,
Because you looked at me the way no one else could, and I bared my soul to you more than I should've,
we were both the spark and the flame and then the wind lent a shout, matches aren't meant to burn forever and maybe that's why we burnt out.

Just know that I will always miss you,
That a part of my soul will forever be yours,
And I envy the lips that get to kiss you.

And as that door shuts, away you will walk to a place I may never stumble across and find,
So I will always remember those starry nights, when I was yours and you were mine.
© Joanna Mrsich. All rights reserved
Thia Jones Apr 2014
You appeared in the room
I noticed you, felt something bloom
you sat near me
we talked
my interest grew
you blushed
my heart flew
my brain turned to mush
insides flipped to goo
I fell so hard
yet what could I say to you
when there were so many pitfalls
so much that might go wrong
so hard to read your feelings
and what anyway
did I want to say
what was this that I felt
what had I glimpsed
the need in you?
the need in me?
recognition of something beyond?
Lust? Yes, that was there
and why should it not be
when so many boxes
were ticked for me?
When it's clear that I'm far from alone
in this attraction to which I'm prone
but then, with so long without
I had long grown to doubt
that I could ever state
my expressions of desire
or to say I'd like to play
with someone who lit my fire
and there's the catch
to make a match
there must be a connection
and yet that connection's the thing
that has the power to make me flinch
and in the past I may have drawn away
said nothing, not made my play
but I felt this so strong
that I had to go along
at first so tentatively
while I tried to probe
to find what you thought of me
then, somewhere along the way
my inner sadist awoke
I longed yet more to play
then all too briefly it seemed possible
that despite all the reasons I'd imagined
for why nothing could happen,
that something, after all, would develop
and I couldn't help but express
just how pleased that made me feel
yet I waxed too enthusiastic
gave the wrong impression
and a reason I had never imagined
arose to **** the mood
the wires, so carefully disentangled
crossed themselves once more
my new found pride lay mangled
broken, trampled on the floor
I sought for answers
but harvested anger
and to my shame
responded the same
yet I am responsible
I am to blame
you may have caught
the wrong end of the stick
but that was due
to how I presented it to you
and I offer my apologies
to admit that in part
your fears were justified
it's true I'd thought ahead
had dreamed that I
might help you fly
that I might take you to that place
where others would fear to try
yet that's not the whole story
it's also true that the trip to the edge
happens one step at a time
and that the very first one was
at the forefront of my mind
and had that turned out mediocre
so that we'd wanted no more
then that would have been all of it
at least we'd both have known
but had it been fantastic
had it been amazing
had it blown our minds
ready or not would be meaningless
and that's what terrifies
and what terrifies entices too
and therein lies the tension
so to disclose I have to mention
that though I shall not cross
the lines you draw
part of me wants to ignore
that they're there at all,
wants to take you and make you fall
at my feet and beg for more
and when I saw you'd cut your hair
I was torn between thinking
how handsome you looked
and feeling it was a cause for regret
that you no longer had enough
to wrap round my fist
and I wonder if your walls are there
to protect you, or to challenge me to dare
to plunge on through and break them down
and even though I've made other connections
have played, will play elsewhere
even though there's one
feels deep and special and true
this tension has me addicted
I feel the pull of you
please don't be alarmed
I mean you no harm
well, not of the lasting kind
I'm aware of the potential
for the tension to consume
to pull into a downward spin
but I won't allow that to happen
and I say these things
not to make demands
not to influence
or force your hand
but just so you know
if you didn't already
that you can break the tension
whenever you're ready
unless it dissipates before that point
of it's own accord
or through distraction
and however this turns out for us
my wish remains that you should fly
no matter whose hand that happens by

Cynthia Pauline Jones, April 2013
This was written for someone who sparked an instant attraction in me and who I thought for a brief period might replace my Muse. It didn't work out, but I wrote this by way of letting go.
atticus Feb 2016
you remind me of the first flower blooming on a lovely, spring day
its petals sprouting out all around the bud of the flower
creating something wonderful

you remind me of morning dew
the little droplets of moisture resting upon the grass
when your bare feet touch it, it tickles and you cant help but laugh

you remind me of the stars
because when i look at you, there are a billions of reasons why i love you

you remind me of poetry
when i kiss you, the words i want to write about you are placed on my tongue
so when i speak them, they fall out of my mouth with ease

you remind me of all of the things in life that i love
and that terrifies me
Terry O'Leary Nov 2016
Once wars were fought with sticks and stones
to flog the flesh and batter bones
and conquer lands, defending thrones -
though gods provoke, not one atones.

The multitude (by hordes beset
with battle-ax or bayonet)
braved blades, dyed red and dripping wet -
the stains were wiped with no regret.

When raining blood, the teardrops spill,
enough to drown the daffodil
that withers in the mourning chill -
who was it said 'thou shalt not ****'?

The mad machine's now mechanized,
torment and torture legalized,
blind barbarism globalized
and wrath of demons sanitized.

Each rival's right (whichever side)
committing holy homicide
in names of gods diversified -
like Cain and Abel fratricide.

Above, a Drone that terrifies -
a button's pushed, a missile flies
to rip apart, to vaporize
(defending life, they fantasize).

Dismembered victims everywhere,
most, non-combatants, unaware -
a lone survivor, solitaire,
unfolding hands, too late for prayer.

Beneath the dust, a baby lies
with mouth agape, with bleeding eyes,
arrayed in death that money buys -
though warriors watch, none empathize.


The media's impervious -
in truth they're ever devious
for fear that reason's dangerous,
find every question treasonous.

Through eyes lit up like rosy sores,
embedded scribes report on wars
with tales to line the cuspidors -
the Fourth Estate? A herd of ******.

To paint the slaughter civilized,
objective news is sodomized -
when foreign streets smoke, pulverized,
the body counts are minimized.


Big Berthas boomed in days of yore
but now the tanks spit spikes of Thor
and mortar shells like raindrops pour
upon the lands of Nevermore.

The grumble of a hand grenade
is drowned in claps of cannonade -
assorted charnel chunks lie flayed
in battlefields where kids once played.

Somewhere a ******'s bullet flies,
somewhere a voiceless victim dies,
somewhere a famished orphan cries
while weapons warble lullabies.

The bunker busters burst the sides
of dwellings where mankind resides
and innocence in darkness hides -
the die is cast, but who decides?

Use cluster bombs and barrels too,
(crude critters in the wartime zoo),
to shred more souls than hitherto -
choose death en masse, avoid the queue!

The leaders lead (twelve steps behind),
enmeshed in intrigues, well enshrined -
yes, powers, business (so entwined)
pull twisted threads, ensnare mankind.


The mercenaries hack and maim
(god's creatures crippled, morally lame),
do beastly things that none will name -
well-paid for such, they feel no shame.

The ****** bombs and phosphorus
and ghastly weapons gaseous
are scattered widely, bounteous -
behold the desert wilderness!

Yes, Agent Orange burns slow and calm,
may leave behind a blazing palm
(or better yet, a molten mom
inside a hut)  in Vietnam.

And phosphorous… its flame so white,
exploding, falling through the night,
commemorates the Sacred Rite -
and babes in arms, thus blessed, ignite.

Cast chlorine, sarin or VX…
a lethal dose (or side effects
like blistered lungs) will serve to vex -
but death in war? No one objects…


Constructing A-bombs's arduous -
uranium, depleted thus,
can trash a tank with little fuss,
cause natal cankers, cancerous.

But doomsday warheads (dropped or thrown),
ignited, leave the sun outshone -
beneath a mass of melted stone
lies powdered ash, once flesh and bone.

When atoms split in bombs debased,
vast cities smolder, laid to waste,
a million sinless souls erased -
perhaps, one day, all life effaced.


You close your eyes but can't ignore
that body parts and bags of gore
are bursting through golgotha's door,
and strewn beyond the ocean's roar
like rotting fish that wash ashore.

Why can't we stop and end all war…


POSTSCRIPT
Regard the dreary death Arcade
of Armaments (a fruitful trade)
and tally up the millions made
by ghouls that raise a colonnade
of miles of missiles, weapons-grade,
in Armageddon's crazed parade,
and hide behind a masquerade
of lollypops and lemonade
while planning new an escapade
for sending armies to invade
and loot far oil lands, unafraid
of misery and grief parlayed
until our final days cascade
into a hell no more delayed
by happenstance or luck outplayed
that leaves society decayed,
bombarded with a fusillade
of lies upheld and truth betrayed
by pundits in the shifting shade,
and crises of the world clichéd
as sung in solemn serenade
by journalistic hacks that preyed
on wide-eyed folk in sham charade
that lulls to sleep with eyelids weighed
by tiny tears that disobeyed
to stay behind the barricade
and bathe the modern-day crusade
of war in cheers and accolade.

The bottom line? Just profits paid
for deadly sins that god forbade…
Zulu Samperfas May 2013
Left to die, unable to survive on your own
a child thinks this. It is the greatest fear
Doesn't last long, but makes a big impression
A bigger fear than being abused
But today, it means, can mean, freedom
from abuse mistreatment, your insults
their disdain, being his personal punching bag
the scapegoat for his broiling troubles
your neglect, and preference for under age girls
Abandonment is a respite
a place of renewal
a silence that terrifies, but then rejuvenates
as I can think on my own
let my thoughts be my guide, for a better me
Danielle Laurén Jul 2013
you are the hero, the main character, the one trying to hold the story together in your shaking hands.

because you are the story yourself. you are my story. your twisted plot lines intrigue me.

you are my protagonist, yet you are also the antagonist. you are a blessing and a curse dropped into my lap; your intensity terrifies me at times.

i know that you will overcome your enemies in the end, even if that enemy is yourself. because it’s about time we had a happy ending.
mûre Oct 2013
You were the greatest neuronal reorganization to ever happen,
of course I don't know who I am anymore.

What was plastic seems changed to stone in a gargoyle brain and beneath a microscope the shimmering glia spell out your name over and over in little green lights, fossilizing the neurons that say:

Him.

The earth has an edge. Nobody wants to fall off.

So call me Homer, because the gods themselves could not convince me my situation's a sphere there's far too much fear in this flattened plane that understands only primitive desires and just wants you near.

Everyone knows the romanced brain could be mistaken for a ******* addict's.

But perhaps if you look more closely into my eyes you will see my irises have turned stormy, that cyclones of energy are becoming patterns that scribble and scribble arcane suggestions for a new cartography. A new story. A new being.

Supplies needed:
One strong pencil.
Enough oxytocin to unlearn an addiction.

Enough optimism to overcome an affliction, my diction is code for the way you kissed me and it underlines every sentence like the way a voice rises when asking a question.

I have so many questions.

And even though the notion of who I will be when I am not you terrifies me, like Cathy and Heathcliff I will not be doomed to roam the moors, already I know there's endlessly more, and with or without you the best is yet to come. Just as they say. No, I don't know what's in store. But I think that's okay.

Turn golden, Grey Matter, light up 'til you burn.

Reboot.
Restart.
Rewire.

*Relearn.
A primitive attempt at beat poetry.
Patrick Sutphin Jun 2012
Some women smile because they’re excited to see you.
Some women smile because they’re expected to.
I’ve been trained to see the difference.
Some women will say they love you, because the first date
didn’t go so well, and they want to scare you off.
Some women say they just want to have fun, then cry
on nights when they’re alone.
Some women just want to be left alone.
Some women go out to the bar for girls’ night,
but really are just there to pick up guys.
Some women pretend not to care about Valentine’s Day.
Some women are actually ready at 8.
Some women will buy me dinner, and I feel
grateful but still somehow less of a man.
Some women remind me of my mother.
This terrifies me.
Some women think I’m gay.
My ******* begs to differ.
Some women are just too fat.
Some women can pull it off.
Some women commit, only to ****
your best friend the next day.
Some women love *** more than me.
Some women want to be saved, others
want to do the saving.
Some women see my *****
as an act of hostility.
Some women wish they had my eyelashes.
Some women, I wish just had an instruction manual.
Some women will never be content.
Some women remind me sanity is not
gender specific.
Some women disprove this argument.
Some women complain about money, then
yell at you for working too much while
spending $800 on a Gucci handbag.
Some women understand a Sears purse
works just as well.
Some women have been deceived one too
many times by men.
Some women believe the right man will
behave like Matthew McConaughey,
or at least the McConaughey
they see on screen.
Some women prove that nice guys
don’t always finish last.
We’ve been raised to think otherwise.
Some women wait at home at night,
wondering if he will ever arrive, knock on
their door, and show them that not all men are bad.
I

Meeting the Maker

  Matvei Andreivich Stolovsky stood there, eyes glaring, completely slack-jawed; his entire being unable to absorb the reality of the event he'd just witnessed. 'It couldn't happen. Impossible.' he thought to himself, unable to speak. He'd seen the flash from across the street and almost instantly, he felt himself choking on a ******'s seven millimeter bullet.
He felt the sticky warmth slither down his neck; his hands began to tremble. Next, it was his knees. Less than a half second later, the tunnel vision came. Finally, the darkness of oblivion took complete possession of him.
  His limp body crashed into a tangled pile next to the American made leather chair he'd spent so many evenings in, planning, plotting, scheming, scraping, scratching, clawing, losing sleep at night, wondering if he'd done everything within his power to avoid this very occurrence. Now, here it was, the end. One by one, each of Stolovsky's hopes, dreams, and aspirations flowed freely from his body, exiting through the **** left by the ******'s bullet. All was lost; all of his work and worry, in vain; or, so it seemed.
  'I, I'm not...,' the words spun through his dying mind. He ceased to notice reality; he no longer felt the choking sensation in his throat; instead reality became the written words, 'I, I'm not...,' actually spinning inside his mind; which, at the present time, for an unknown reason, was colored as a cloud would be, with a pinkish-orange haze. These words, currently soaring effortlessly through Stolovsky's perception of consciousness, were balloon like in appearance, each and every color represented in some way, shape, or form; each pixel doing it's part to reproduce the amazingly beautiful, but horrifying images, revealing the true nature of humanity against the infinite pinkish-orange haze that never began, and never ends.
  I, I'm, the two commas, not, and even the ellipsis, who was there as well, shot up and down, spinning and swirling in every direction, flashing and snapping as they traversed the endless expanse of Stolovsky's new found purgatory.
  A few moments later, Stolovsky realized he was actually viewing this spectacle, the inside of his mind, as we've chosen to call it, in the third person. He watched what appeared to be himself floating through space towards his current vantage point. Matvei squinted his dark brown eyes to try and get a better look. 'Is that me?' he asked himself. 'I can't be in a good way there,' he continued; 'that is almost certainly bad.'
  As he made his observations, a cold northern wind began blowing violently, chilling what would've been his nose. 'Is it there?' Stolovsky thought to himself, startled. 'Could it be? Here and there, all at once?'
Then, without warning, the pinkish-orange haze oozed a deep, dreary red; and the written words, that so violently shared the truth of mans nature with Matvei, transmuted into a pack of ravenous dogs; howling and wailing, foaming at the mouth, as they began to tear each other to shreds. The flesh and blood flew in all directions; painful yelps, angry, threatening growls, and the sound of tissue being torn from the bone filled the air.
  The violence of the atrocity dripped from the mouths of the dead dogs and ran flowing across the expanse; the river of life unleashed, meandering through the empty vacuum until it began to swirl and pool at the feet of Matvei's double.
Stolovsky felt the sickness of the act wash over him, striking his presence in much same way as an angry ocean wave, bitter from it's long journey, unleashes it's pent up fury on the piling of an unfortunate fishing pier.
  Matvei's double was bound by his hands and feet; he was bleeding from the corner of his right eye. Stolovsky noticed how the double's crows feet dispersed a briskly flowing river of la sangre into thin streams of liquid ruby; some of them traveled over and into his ear, others ran flowing down his cheek before becoming nutrient, consumed by the roots of his tangled black beard. His shirt was tattered; the gaping holes revealed hideous wounds, partially obscured by the ***** blue linen still loosely draped around the double's upper-body. It was a nice sweater once, but no longer.
  The double screamed frantically, wrestling his wrists in a futile effort to free his hands of the burdensome chains fastened tightly around them. Realizing the hopelessness of the situation, Stolovsky's twin began laughing the laugh of a mad child; a child who has just seen something that no one else could ever know. Matvei felt the scent of freshly cut lilac drift through him; then, as suddenly as all it began, everything stopped.

  A woman's voice filled the air from every direction.

  “Well, now you've gone and done it, haven't you?” she spat. The voice was surprisingly present, though there was no apparent source. “Haven't you, you fool?” she continued.
Neither Stolovsky felt compelled to answer, so both remained silent. The auditory assault continued, “Answer me while you still have the pleasure of a tongue, Matvei!” The venomous sounds came as an echo, rippling up Stolovsky's spine in thunderous waves that seemed to penetrate to his very core, making what would've been the tiny black hairs on what would have been his thin, serpent-like neck, stand on edge.He knew not what to say to this invisible creature, so he maintained his silent vigil, hoping no further harm would come to him; his double followed suit.
  Stolovsky watched as his twin continued wrestling with his chains, apparently completely befuddled by all that he was experiencing. Who could blame him for being confused? This wasn't the type of situation folks typically find themselves in.
  The silence prevailed for a few more moments, until Matvei felt the smooth, cool, silk of her flowing robe as it danced on the cold wind of the north, lashing out every so often to lick him behind the ear or slither across the back of his neck. The vibration of the silk flowing through crisp, cool, air sent shivers bounding outwards across the landscape, causing poor Stolovsky to feel as though the very particles holding him together were being stretched to point of separation, then snapped back into place with a brutality that simply can't be captured with words.
  Matvei was petrified by these goings-on, and refused to even consider what unwholesome outcome may transpire should he turn to face this unholy presence; instead, he focused his attention to his double, who was staring back towards the image. Matvei struggled to read himself; his double appeared dumbstruck, like a man who has just realized that his whole heart belongs to an evil that terrifies him, yet simultaneously, it fills him with an unshakable love; the unrequited love that an unfortunate slave feels for it's tyrant.
EtherealOmega Apr 2017
Now that you are asleep dear I can think clearly about us.

The two people that we were, we are, and that we are becoming;
And while sometimes it terrifies me right now it merely brings a small smile to my face.

Because we are still here. Together. After nearly a two years and a half. The longest I have stayed by someone's side like this.

Bridging the gap between friends and lovers, and I think I could stay like this for years to come if only the stars will smile upon us.

But just like the stars I will wander, and because of that I worry when you call me your world. I have never wanted to be someone's world - especially not after seeing what can happen to someone who builds their universe around another whom they might eventually come to lose.
I do not want to be your galaxy, or your world, or your everything because…

Darling, my darling, my dear..

Your world is not a single people or even three.. Your world is everything you make it to be. It is everything you have ever done. Everything you will do. It is every song you sing. Every game you play. Every word you speak. And every life you touch and change.

I am just a small - though I'd like to believe important - piece to that vast and still growing space.

And, dear one. Though I know you would stand against this, I know that in the end I am just as replaceable as everyone on this Earth within your life. And though you may not understand that makes what we have all the sweeter for me. Because I don't long for forever anymore. Just for now and however long now can last.. If it's the rest of our lives then I'll rejoice, but if not I'm glad to have l retaught you what it means like to fall fast. To fall fast into love.

I hope I never have to teach you what it means to fall out of love like a thunderstorm beating it's refrain against our hearts.. but if I ever do just remember that just as I filled parts of a void left in your life by another special someone, another sweet human will come along to remind you what it means to smile again.

But they will not pick up your shards because my darling you are not glass. You are a will and soul of iron. You may be dented and bent sometimes, but you will never be broken. That next person will warm your soul.. They will fill up a place which you thought was lost to someone of the past. Perhaps me. Perhaps another. Regardless they will fill it just as you will fill something in them, and the warmth will let you change again. In the end they will welcome you into the forge of their hearts and you will either come out dented again yet stronger for it or stronger still than that with a bit more of your old shape now sharpened into a steel of comfort. Either way you will grow..

Just keep growing. With me by your side. Lets grown together for now because we still have so much farther to go. Do not think of yourself as old. You are merely aging. No time has been wasted because we are all aging; and sometimes a 10 year old can be older than a 50 year old. Age is a number it is the experiences we have lived which give us our growth, and right now we are still in a stage where we can be so very naive like babes yet in the swaddling cloth. How else would we have thought about forever in regards to two souls.

Despite this though. I wish to stand by you till the end of whatever we are. Until we can no longer shield, and guide, and care for one another. You have helped teach me to go from a place where I thought my body was all I could give as a token of care for another person to a place where I know my worth is more than what is written in my flesh.

So, my wolf... My Irish Lycanthrope.. Do not call me or make me your moon or your world.. Just allow me to be another treasured piece of the life you are building knowing that though you can live on without me.. You don't want to for now.

Just let me stand by your side, and that will be enough for however long the fates have appointed to us.
I really don't know what this is, but awhile ago.. it just flowed out and became beautiful. So I thought it was finally time to post it.

Here's to words spilled upon canvassed that may never be read by who they were written for, and for the lies we sometimes tell ourselves.
Welcome to my mind's late nights, Everyone.
- EPL (EtherealOmega)
Ruby Cushla Nov 2013
My own apathy terrifies me.

How much do I care?
Not enough.
How much do I care?
Not enough.
How much do I care?
Not enough.


And the worst part is
That measurement isn't borrowed
It comes from my own jug but when I wasn't looking
Someone poured out all the motivation and compassion.

I had a dream my mother was dying
I woke up with overflowing eyes
Not because I was sad
But because in the dream I didn't care and I knew I was supposed to.

I broke my brother's arm by launching him into the air and
Forgetting that he had only his own
Fragile body to land on top of no that's a lie
I didn't forget but I though he broke his neck
And when the siren started blaring
I knew that wasn't it and
I didn't feel so sad anymore.

Don't get the wrong idea
I'm not a completely cold-hearted *****.

This I know because I cry watching Anastasia
Every
*******
Time
I donate to charity
And don't let them give me the sticker to prove it
I love small children and animals! That's a lie
I've had to clean up ***** from both of those groups.

And I've never made myself throw up but sometimes
I forget to eat that's a lie
I just can't be bothered
Am I lethargic because that's typical of a teenager
Or am I
Only classed as typical teenager because I'm lethargic?

I lie on my bed as still as a corpse
And never once
Think about death because
Why does it matter?

That's the only question
He doesn't have an answer to
Because I swear
This boy is the second coming of
Socrates
He makes me think of
Shakespeare
And knowing i'm going to see him the next day is like waiting for
Santa Claus.

My own empathy terrifies me.

How much do I care?
Too much.
How much do I care?
Too much.
How much do I care?
Too much.


And the worst part is
The possibility
That he might care about me too.
This was written as a spoken word/slam poem. Inspired by Neil Hilborn's 'OCD'.
Djs Jun 2013
We're alone in our own minds
And that terrifies me
We don't share the same thoughts
Nor the same explanations
Our interpretation of things
Are all different
We create these ideas in our head
And so do others
And these ideas may be similar
Or not at all
So when I tell you
"That flower is beautiful"
You may have a different idea
Of beautiful
We're communicating with words
Not thoughts
And when you say
You love me
We may not have the same meaning
Nor reciprocate the same message
And that terrifies me

*-djs
Delta Swingline Nov 2018
I haven’t caught feelings in 4 years and it’s just as terrifying as I remember it.

You drive me ******* crazy. I can’t sleep, I can’t work, I can’t focus.

But **** I don’t want to be without you. I don’t ever want to leave you.

You don’t think you’re pretty and I don’t know you any other way. You’re fantastically funny and caring. You care about me, you listen to all my crazy banter.

How did you find me? How can you call me yours so easily?

I don’t deserve that.

I’m drowning in Frank Sinatra songs and sugary coffee, I am on cloud 9 with a stomach full of knots.

I have all the confidence in the world and none at all.

I’ll write all my best music for you.

Being lovestruck is as much about being struck as it is about being in love with you.

I’m scared to be crazy about you.
I think I’m more scared of you being into the train wreck I am.

But **** it you’ve got me.
They say love hurts, but I don’t really mind right now.

It almost kills me that I gotta keep you a secret. Crushes are weird like that.

I’m stuck looking at you, not knowing what to do, but incredibly happy to be where you are.

You make me better.
Stay with me a bit longer.

I love you.

And saying that terrifies me.

But I’m willing to risk being scared for awhile.

I am so neck deep in this, I might pass out.

I love you so much, it might **** me.

I feel crazy. This might be crazy.

But you say you love me anyway.

And that’s good enough for me.
I’m a mess.
Grace Jordan Oct 2014
I haven't been here in awhile. This section of Wonderland is almost foreign to me, after all this time. I have teetered upon its edge for ages, but now I have finally fallen in, down the rabbit hole, and I do not know when I will be able to get out.

The dark parts of Wonderland,  where the Jabberwocky roams free, have terrify me and always will. The simple thought of that monster lurking in my head brings a slew of tears to my face, a torrential downpour of my own misery. I do not trust the Jabberwocky, for it brings ideas, hallow, dark ideas to the front of my brain and causes me to wander in the frozen desert or extract my blood from my own skin, and I do not know myself anymore.

Each word is shaky, I cannot feel it on the tip of my tongue, I am numb. No one here in New Wonderland understands the Jabberwocky; hell, only the White Rabbit and the Dormouse really understood it in Old Wonderland, and my heart still broke relentlessly, like tides on a beach.

Those not from Old have rejected the Jabberwocky side of me, and that terrifies me. What if everyone here fears the Jabberwocky? I understand that fear; no one expects sweet, innocent Grace to also be the monster screaming under their bed, but I need people. I need people who know and understand and accept that tough I can be broken and horrific and abhorrent and repulsive that Grace is still there underneath it all and she needs love. She needs it more than she'll ever admit.

Words. I have lost them. I haven't the faintest clue what's left to say, for the Jabberwocky is ruthless and hateful of my words, and I'm lucky to have gotten this far. In my dreams I am whole, in my imagination the Jabberwocky was gone, but I know now it has not left me.

It never will.
Nicole Apr 2015
I won't fall in love with you for the way your hair cascades your shoulders
I won't get hooked on the way your body sways when you walk
And I won't focus on the small flaws that society highlights every day

I am not your average person
I'm an *******, a ****
Sometimes I don't think ahead
I've gotten myself into unsettling situations
And I tend to be self-destructive

But love terrifies me, it intimidates my self control
Because when I fall in love with you
It will be with the way your eyes glow when you speak
The beautiful chime of your voice when you answer the phone
The way my arms fit perfectly around you as you lean into me

I'll fall in love with the way we understand one another
And with the fear that consumes me
As I contemplate why someone as wonderful as you
Whose "flaws" I'll fall more in love with every day
Chose my broken soul
To make you feel whole.
Riley Nov 2014
What if the way I feel is wrong?

What if everything is too strong — or alternatively, too weak?

I feel too much of everything I think. I hope.

I never want to not feel.

Sometimes there are days when I don’t feel much. But even on those days I ache to feel something.

That’s the scary part. That I possess the potential to be blank. To not have thoughts or ideas, passions or desires.

That terrifies me.

**Odd that my biggest fear is something I so often encounter in the minds of everyone I meet.
Andrea Diaz Jun 2014
There is always going to be someone better than me
And I’m not saying that because I feel like I have no talent
No skill
No way to make myself stand out
I’m saying that because there are seven billion people on this world.

Seven billion people on this pale blue world
And it terrifies me deeply that only a quarter can actually be taken care of.
And within those seven billion people there is bound to be someone who is exactly like me
Regardless of gender
Or race
Or sexuality
They are bound to be exactly like me

And what’s worse
They are probably better than me
At writing
At being a dork
At being hilarious
At being invisible
Hell they could have written a better version of this!

But let me tell you something
If you want to know my greatest trick in the world
It’s disappearing on the spot
Unnoticed by the human eye
And it’s probably the greatest trick I’ve ever pulled

And I’m not about to say I’m some ******* special snowflake
Or that I’m different from the rest
Because believe me
Some people have pulled this trick and it’s totally amazing to see
I’m telling you that no one see’s the invisible people.
Because even as I stand here reading this out loud
You probably just hear a voice echoing through the speakers
Wondering who the **** is even here
And even as I tell you how ******* invisible I am
You probably will never understand

Because as far as seven billion people go
Talent, skill and even creativity can only stretch so far
Hell even genetics can repeat itself a numerous amount of times
Because as far as seven billion people go
There are probably a handful who know

So let me tell you a little something about this trick
Where you can be totally invisible
Where white lines don’t even appear
Where once you stop being of use
Of convenience
Of matter
Of care
You stop existing
And while everyone else goes about their daily lives
You’re still stuck in a plane wondering how the ******* got there in the first place.
Even in instances where you think you’ve met a great bunch of folks
You finally figure out you’re just one huge cosmic joke

And hey you can say
I’ve mastered this nifty little trick
Because when other people start being a ****
I finally realize
Where I stand in their lives
So yeah I’m some special snowflake
But I prefer to be a cosmic joke since that’s a better take
Because as far as seven billion people go
I might be the only one who really knows.
Jackie Nov 2013
If I had to explain her
You would need to give me minute
Come from two different worlds
And yet we get it
Now you could say we are opposites
But you would never know
That she's my best friend
The one who picks me up when I'm down
The one who fights off all my demons
The one who knows all my secrets
She is everything you could want in a best friend
The thought of leaving her terrifies me
I'll cry every night
Like a cry baby
Telephone calls and text messages
Just won't be the same
I'll tattoo her name in my heart and in my brain
Desiree
Who has been there when the world shut me out
Was there when I came out
Would beat up all of my haters
If I asked her to
I would never ask her to
But I know she would
Just to prove
That skin color doesn't matter
Sexuality doesn't matter
We overcome all of that
Wherever we end up
Wherever our paths take us
Distance will never break us
We are just to close
Paleblueyes Apr 2014
My entire childhood contained in a Disney princess gift bag
Torn and overflowing
A relic from one of my replacements

I don't know their names  
Her do-overs

New children cancel out
Old mistakes

She sends me photos, report cards, awards  
Proof that I existed
In a time before I crumbled
Before she trampled me

I wonder if she terrifies them

There is a Mother construct in my mind
Born of tender moments witnessed
Of hallmark cards
Imperfect but striving

Maybe she loves them
Some way she couldn't love me
A constant reminder of the man she threw away
A life that brings shame
Locking away the proof
The photos
The same place she kept her heart

We've both moved on, now
But I don't mourn her
The loveless ruthless mother

I mourn the construct I imagined
That I never knew her tenderness
Never heard those words
My mother adopted 3 new children after my life and our relationship exploded. A couple years ago she sent me this bag containing everything a child ever hands their mother. I only just went through it recently.
heather leather Aug 2016
jan from the corner store doesn't understand me,
I told her I wasn't mixed; my parents are just different
shades of the same color but she doesn't believe me,
and the man behind the counter silently agrees.

the old white lady that always takes the 5 train
stares at me curiously, her eyes say they don't trust me
and I don't understand why. I never thought I had to
explain myself to strangers or that my race was the most
interesting thing about me but that's always the
first question everybody asks.

my aunt told me the other day that I was jabao,
in other words, nobody knows what to do with me.
I am unidentifiable. my skin screams the sun and
stars too small to recognize; it says I am the product
of a collision between the blackest sea and the whitest sand.
some parts of my body sing a ballad so dark only certain
people would ever want to listen to. maybe these are the
parts that the old white lady on the five train is scared to
listen to. maybe the curls I tried so hard to straighten are
what terrifies her, maybe the black in my kneecaps keeps
her up at night, maybe the sound of boisterous music in a
language she could never understand makes her skin jump,
sends shivers down her spine makes her think twice
about who I am.

jan from the corner store doesn't understand me,
I told her I was jabao, a mix of summer glow and
muted winter skin. but she doesn't believe me; says
she has never met a Dominican like me, that in some ways
I must be a mixed breed. and the man behind the counter
silently agrees.

(h.l.)
Katie Day Jan 2014
You
Part 1;* *Love

I want to climb inside your skin,
Make a home in your brain,
And listen.

I want to know more about you than anyone,
To predict what you’ll say,
But to listen regardless,
Because I love the way you say it.

I want to understand,
To feel each line on your skin,
And scar on the walls of your heart,
And to know the stories that made them.

I want to know you so well,
That sometimes we forget we’re two people,
When it’s late,
And we’re awake,
More comfortable together
Than we are in our own flesh.

Let me in. Let me wear you.
Let me know what it’s like to suffer your downs,
And ride your ups,
And I’ll show you my wounds,
And expose to you my thoughts,
Until we know each other
Better than we know ourselves.

Part 2; The Boy

If I am careless,
if I allow my mind to wander,
I sometimes still
taste
the smoke from your lips.

It’s the wrong place,
and the wrong time,
but my heart still
jumps
into my throat
when I remember your touch.

If I could pick up the phone,
and tell you how I miss those
stolen kisses,
I would.
But jeopardy terrifies me
and I’d rather not dive headfirst
down that whirlpool just yet.

Part 3; The Reconciliation

I know that we used to be
so different,
so full of life,
so full of love.

That you were once
energetic,
excited, and
enthralled,
and I, for a time,
was compassionate,
caring and
considered.

I know that we were once
different people,
with different stories
and different hopes.

We may have lost our way,
become somebody we wouldn’t even have
recognised as being
us,
if we met ourselves 5 years ago,
but remember that
we recognise each other now.

I know your innermost
thought
and your
deepest distaste,
and I will
never
ask you to be anybody but
who you are today.

We might not be the same people
we were when we were 15,
but we are people who have
grown together,
and laughed together,
and loved together,
and we are people who have shared
so much
it would be impossible to leave this partnership
whole.

We have fused souls.

And as much as we may reminisce
and remember who we
used to be,
let’s just tonight remember
something more important.

Let us remember
who we are now,
and that it would be more
difficult for me to
tear myself from you
than to tear myself in half.

Part 4; The Decline

Postpone.

The silence at home
kills me,
so what’s the harm in
one more smoke,
anyway?

I spent more time
travelling miles to see you,
than I would ever care to
admit,
battling on bikes,
through sleet and snow,
to spend 30 minutes
over coffee.

Where did that go?

Now my house is not
my home,
because space to breathe is
scarce
and I am breathless just thinking
of the travel to my front door.

What do you do when the foundations
become unglued?

Nothing can rebuild
something that’s not demolished,
but destitute.

Part 5; The End

I can see our future,
Clearly,
For the first time,
And I hate it.

There are no fuzzy young faces,
No unknown sticky fingers,
No pattering of
A strangers’ feet
That somehow sound like
Home.

All I see are false smiles
And fake conversations
And the knowledge that
I’ll never
Know you
Again.
This isn't part of my challenge.
Our reality is always
changing.
Turning, wobbling.
Falling apart,
and back together again.

I expect nothing from life.

The problem with
beliefs.
The problem with
expectations.

They lead to disappointment.

To live without ideas
of how life comes and goes,
is to be wise.

Ride with life.
All its steep hills
and double loops.
Embrace whatever happens.
Bury it in your arms
and realize that this...
this is the part of
life that terrifies people.

Because beliefs...they're ignorant.
Expectations...they're irrelevant.
Let go of all the weights holding
you. Free yourself to a life of
traveling. Experience your emotions,
your pain, your happiness.
Let yourself be taken into the
chaotic, peaceful, violent, loving, lying, helping, wonderfully ironic,
state we call being alive.

I am Lauren Pearson,
and I am not a believer.
I have opened my eyes,
and I am enlightened.
Thought it would an interesting take on the popular 'I Believe' trend.
I'll probably write an actual one soon. Enjoy my lovelies.
Kevin T Norman Nov 2013
One day, I'm going to die.

It hits me as if I was just crushed by a succession of cars. My heart beats impulsively and my body goes into a state of shock.

I then throw myself into a fit of panic.

I scream and holler helplessly hoping my cries will **** the thought of death. That it will destroy it's reality.

I can't bear the thought of no longer existing
but death will come and I cannot stop it.

I'm a believer in God and I should believe in heaven,
but even that terrifies me.

Eternal happiness could be a myth for the foolish, a cure for the weak.
Eternal damnation may be what we all endure.

Or worse

We may have nothing at all but darkness.

And that terrifies me the most.
K Balachandran Feb 2013
A weeping willow near the window,
twins by an arrangement,
                                     none planned
shared now by humans and nature,
evokes associations of many dimensions.

The window broods
over the transactions
across its bars
     and when closed
               through transparent glass.

The window invites the vista
of willow inside,
                               it's thankful,
without the window,
willow knows, it has no parallel life,
                inside the  house of dancing light,
                              it's human complexities
                             love and strife, whispers and shouts.
                                            All this go in to the window's account.

At the dead  center of night's eerie stillness
the willow wistfully turns
its attention towards the window closed,
with curtains drawn,
no footsteps, whispers
                    or shouts that terrifies
                           as happened many times before.
Silence, molten silence
nothing else.But why does the willow
still senses an animal presence?

Suddenly a  meaninglessness,
grips the willow near the window;
               it yearns to be away from the humans.

Near the open window
a pale lean woman is seen in panic,
a mean looking man frantically tries to kiss her,
the willow howls in pain,
the wind says hush, hush,
willow weeps without tears.

In another night lit by a pale moon,
a jealous lover looks out of the window
for his lady love,
he thinks hiding behind the bushes;
he doesn't know the truth.
With a shudder the willow finds
her corpse below it,
crumpled like a soiled night dress.
Just Melz Nov 2014
Sitting in your car
    Parked outside my house
You had to leave soon
        But, it was so peaceful out
You kissed me so sweetly
           deeply
Then you asked me
     I saw it coming, honestly
Yet, I was still shocked
           And more than a little terrified...
     Mine?  Yours?
Belonging to one another?
        I wasn't sure how this made me feel
     So many doubts and questions,
Running through my mind
             I don't like admitting it
But you're really a rare find
               Honest, sweet and kind
   I'm not sure I feel as strongly as you do
         Cause we both know the past I've been through
     I think I'm gonna try
            For you
But you seriously gotta make an effort too
       I don't wanna do this alone
   I know you're busy
Just pick up the phone
         Make some time for me
You want me to be your girl?
         Then you gotta be my guy
But this whole thing terrifies me
      I'm not gonna lie
I'll NEVER cheat
           I'll stay faithful and true
    But seriously,
That's what you gotta do too...
        So, what's my answer to you?
     First, I have stipulations
I'm not a girl all about big DECLARATIONS
          I'm the poet, I'll do that
     But I gotta know you're with me
          That you got my back...
    I'm not afraid to admit
                 I need attention
       If you can handle that
           And my crazy A$$
   Then I'll be **all yours
True Story.
DarkDepriment Jul 2014
A bittersweet soothing event that terrifies yet amazes me.
Zane Sep 2016
you boarded my ship when it was sinking so fast
i was so very certain you'd drown with it.
time passes
and i find my vessel mended more and more each day

i've been taught most of my life
to fear stability;
for it seemed as if instability, however dangerous
was more desirable that fleeting stability

but now that i find the earthquakes have begun
to decrease in intensity
ever so slowly

i am still left to ask
is this forever?
have i found that which i've been longing for ages to find?

it terrifies me so, but fills me with what i can only surmise is that which i dreamt about as a child

security. home. a chance at peace.

i wake from sleep, to remember dreams of our adventures
i wake from sleep, to be for, if only once, hopeful about the future
i wake from sleep, to know that i find solace in another
i wake from sleep, to that i am loved, as much as i love

i wake from sleep, to know that one day, when the storms have subsided, you will be there, holding my hand, as I walk up the final hill of my lifelong struggle.
I feel like I’m at the rock bottom of my life, feeling so worthless and all i do is blaming myself. I feel like I’m insane to hold the pang in my chest, the pressure of this world madness. Drowning in the deep of miserably and despair. Everything seems not in the line, so overwhelmed , and the hatred towards me has been growth. I don’t even know who i am, or where i am.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
- it terrifies me, that i'm getting lost and neither can save me.
This is me now, during mental break down.
Graff1980 Jul 2015
Soft yellow petals paint the earth, falling like tiny feathers back and forth in a cradling fashion and settling quietly into the dirt. A small figure howls his lamentations. He leans over the earth pounding his fists against the open ground. A vacant face with almost ape like features seems to be silently sleeping. Grunts of sorrow fill the mournful morning sky.

The small man-beast cries. Behind him tiny fingers clutch his light brown matted hair, muffled sobs slipping from their tiny mouths. He turns, cradling the younglings in his arms; then tightens his embrace, smothering their pain with his till there is a small sense of comfort left.

     A flaming arrow soars above a shimmering pool of water, whistling at its own reflection as it seeks its target. He floats gently in the pond a stark contrast from his own life. Once warrior now rotting corpse. Sword ceremoniously placed upon his chest; arms crossed. The flaming arrow falls. The body is consumed. In the distance a tribe stands stoically holding in tears of sorrow mixed with a tense sense of pride.

     Somewhere in the stone city a poets sings his sad rhymes, echoing the love of a stranger, the wrinkled form now fallen. The people pass in a small procession. He lets their soft sobs fill him up. A young man hands him a coin in gratitude for the melody and the honorable words then walks away his shoulders heavy with grief. His body sags as if the gravity has been multiplied by ten. A little girl sniffs the dry dusty air taking in the oils and perfumes, waiting to see if Hades shows up. The poets passes the newly earned coin to a starving stranger sitting quietly nearby.

Deep south a disfigured body dances in the breeze, swaying in time with the leaves of the tree. A mother wails; she is restrained. Her body, hardened by years of labor, crumbles for a moment. Her brown skin moistened by tears glimmers in the days harsh rays. Shaking with anguish, she struggles against the strength of those she loves. A male voice warns her against the dangers of trying to recover the body. Even so, it takes two grown men to hold her back.

A robed figure stifles his sorrow beneath the strong veil of faith. The restraint takes much of his mental strength leaving him emotionally fatigued. There is a small body laying limply in his arms. Blood paints his loose flowing robes red. His beard is sticky with sweat, sand, and snot. The face of the child is ruptured. That which once enraptured and inspired fatherly love now terrifies. The reality is a massive wound paralleled by the sickening hole in his child’s face. Brittle bone broken and bent sinking inwards as what should be there disappears. All that is left is a mess of flesh and pain. Barely a foot away one brother softly whispers his prayers to Allah on behalf of his nephew.

I close the eyes of my grandfather, or at least I imagine that I close his eyes. I do not have the strength to touch him. I do not know why. I want to pay him some grand respect out of love and gratitude. The guns sound a salute as strangers honor him more than I am able to. A folded flag finds its way into my arms. I am merely holding it for another. I look at my shirt, a weird black button up thing with short sleeves and flames, wishing I had worn something better. I wish I had a poem, or petals, or even a flaming arrow but all I have is this stupidly stunned face numbly staring out at the world.

Suddenly, I feel the softness of tiny furry fingers interlace with mine. Then the music of a foreign language plays in my ears. To the left, a strong brown calloused hand squeezes my shoulder in a statement of compassion. Behind me I feel the pat a powerful palms slapping against my back in pride. In front of me a thin skinned black bearded figure sits on his knees. He lowers his head, hands gently pressing against the ground. He prays, and I hear a beautiful accent in a tongue I cannot comprehend, but I understand the intent. Then the bearded stranger raises his head again, repeating the process a few more time. I nod my head in solemn gratitude.
Jade M Matelski Mar 2014
Chapter 1
Beeeep.
My mom checks her phone.
"I just took 37 pills and I'm afraid I'm going to die."

Chapter 2
Everyone always talks about how beautiful night is. In our poems we compare it to love. We compare it to eternity. We compare it to existence. But the darkness scares me. Nighttime terrifies me. I become so alone with my thoughts and there is no escape. I am completely alone. And when i'm alone i tend to do reckless things. My brain; so impulsive. I get drunk, I smoke ****, I have ***. I cut myself. I contemplate the bottle of pills under my bed.  I take the bottle of pills hidden under my bed. I don't cry; no-this isn't real yet. I don't shake. Steady hands. I forget about my family; I am not afraid of dying. Ten down. 27 to go. 16. 11. 8. 2.
I look up. I count to twenty. I feel sick. My sister, comes in. I cry- I cry so hard. I am going to die. I remember my family.
I am afraid.
So I text my mother. I refuse to face her-I won't face her. The shame, the guilt, the disappointment she will have. The anger.  She's going to be so angry.

Chapter 3
My dad storms in my room. So, so, angry. I cry-i'm scared. Not of  dying. I'm scared of my dad. Of my mother. Of their judgement. I walk into their bedroom. Nobody cries. I can feel the hostility. I can feel the anger. Why don't they love me?  "Attention seeker." They say. I cry. I hope I die. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have let them find me, shriveled up like a dried out flower- no pulse no pulse no breathing.
My mother takes me to the ER. My father stays home to sleep. My stomach feels like I have a cancer- a mold growing inside of me.
But I am afraid I will live.
Nastar Jun 2017
Are you happy?
Are you happy with me?
Because my thought haunts me
That probably somewhere
There is someone else who could makes you happier than I do
And it terrifies me
I can not promise you today
I can not promise you tomorrow

All I know is...
That when our hearts attached to each other
And our hands holding one another
We could survive the storms together
And anchored in the beautiful islands
Like we always do for thousand of days

Last night I saw you sleeping
Were you dreaming of our dreams?
Discovering our fine days
Looking at the blue sky
Laying on the field of daisies
Because I am dreaming too
On a starry night
Laying on the beach with you
Kissing under the shining milkyway
Mateen Manek Jun 2015
There is a great big lantern in the sky
That shines through my bedroom window
Onto the darkened floor.

I see life in its reflection, and it terrifies me-
I see a pool of water, and a midnight secret;
I see a hand caress a cheek, and a love
That is only awakened by the midnight moon. 

The water tells me of this tale and i,
I am captivated by this lantern light.‎
And I find its source; it is not the moon;
I had seen a projection from my hearts ruins. ‎
I want to write about *******.
I want to write about everything I’ve
ever been forbidden
from thinking—I want to ****
everyone, I want to be everyone.
I want to lick up the salt
of your sweat, and bite the supple skin
of your beautiful neck,
and I don’t give a ****
who the ‘you’ is in question.
‘You’ can be anybody, any soul
throbbing with the grit of
humanity, who’ll rip their decency
wide open and stand naked and
unrestrained by the starched collared
shirts of everything that civilization
has taught you about how
people should be.

I want to write
about something that terrifies me, and paint
it in permanent ink across my chest.
I don’t want to find clothes that fit, and ****
finding a moral tailor,
I want to be naked and free and feel the wind
sting my winter-chapped lips and
whip my hair against my face,
and I’ll burn every metaphorical rulebook
containing anything I’ve ever believed
while dancing around the fire.

And I realize this poem (if
you can call it a poem)
doesn’t make any *******
sense, but neither
do you and neither do I.
We’re all confused and ***** and tragically
beautiful little ******-up creatures crawling
this earth knowing only
our ridiculous little ******-up lives.
And I can’t really tell you anything
you should always take seriously, because
one day you’ll die and **** yourself afterward, and
so will everyone who ever knew you—so you might as well
not care about being naked because we’re all pretty ******* ridiculous
running around in suits we’ve purposely designed
to never fit.
Zoe Apr 2014
Life
To me life is terrifying
Some people may fear death,
or the unknown
but I fear life.
Not physically living
Just the concept.
At any point in time
you can completely alter your life.
Cut all of your hair off
Go work out
Talk to that certain someone
Your life is really at the mercy of your own hands.
And that terrifies me.

— The End —