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"taped" poems
i’ve given up on days that begin in late afternoon, skipped breakfast and lunch, days that fade slowly and end with ****** cut-out holes in eyelids because the second i close them and it all goes black, every moment with you comes back played on fast-forward, the memories moving so quickly that both our faces are blurred and it feels like everything i’ve ever felt for you is overflowing the tub, filling the washroom with suds that take forever to melt i’ve given up on those days. i’ve traded them for ones that begin with sunrises instead of sunsets, days that are spent falling forward instead of trying to chase the past, and i don’t look back and see something broken, or something that was better off left unopened i look back and see our bodies so close together that you can’t tell where yours begins and mine ends, i see my heart that grew twenty-three times its size, i see you and me wrapped up in something that i didn’t know existed outside of blurry 35 mm and overdue and falling-apart library books that sit on the nightstands of middle-aged women who are bored with their lives and i’m just so happy i got to love you at all. but i’ve folded up all the days spent with you and taped them in the messy pages of my journal and now i’m running into the sun, running away from every lie that’s trying to wedge its way in between my ribs, running in the opposite direction of words like "regret" and any feeling that insists that none of it was worth it because all of it was worth it. every moment we were together pumps through my veins, and it will always be there; it will be there when we’ve both graduated, when you move out west, when you kiss your family goodnight, when you sit in your backyard with tears in your eyes because you’ve lived a life you are proud of it will be there when i finally make it to new york city, when i kiss someone who isn’t you, when i find the answers you inspired me to search for, when i sit on my rooftop with tears on my cheeks because i’ve lived a life fuller than i could’ve ever imagined and you and i will live these lives apart, we’ll move on and forget what it felt like to wake up beside one another; we’ll find what we’re looking for elsewhere and we’ll understand why this all had to happen the way that it did but what we had will always exist somewhere, in rotting apples and old mail and unplayed mix CDs, in mosaics that line the city streets, in sirens and red and white flashing lights that shine through your window while you are asleep you and i were magic, we always will be.
0
Apr 21, 2015
Apr 21, 2015 at 11:25 PM UTC
atoms
i’ve given up on days that begin in late afternoon, skipped breakfast and lunch, days that fade slowly and end with ****** cut-out holes in eyelids because the second i close them and it all goes black, every moment with you comes back played on fast-forward, the memories moving so quickly that both our faces are blurred and it feels like everything i’ve ever felt for you is overflowing the tub, filling the washroom with suds that take forever to melt i’ve given up on those days. i’ve traded them for ones that begin with sunrises instead of sunsets, days that are spent falling forward instead of trying to chase the past, and i don’t look back and see something broken, or something that was better off left unopened i look back and see our bodies so close together that you can’t tell where yours begins and mine ends, i see my heart that grew twenty-three times its size, i see you and me wrapped up in something that i didn’t know existed outside of blurry 35 mm and overdue and falling-apart library books that sit on the nightstands of middle-aged women who are bored with their lives and i’m just so happy i got to love you at all. but i’ve folded up all the days spent with you and taped them in the messy pages of my journal and now i’m running into the sun, running away from every lie that’s trying to wedge its way in between my ribs, running in the opposite direction of words like "regret" and any feeling that insists that none of it was worth it because all of it was worth it. every moment we were together pumps through my veins, and it will always be there; it will be there when we’ve both graduated, when you move out west, when you kiss your family goodnight, when you sit in your backyard with tears in your eyes because you’ve lived a life you are proud of it will be there when i finally make it to new york city, when i kiss someone who isn’t you, when i find the answers you inspired me to search for, when i sit on my rooftop with tears on my cheeks because i’ve lived a life fuller than i could’ve ever imagined and you and i will live these lives apart, we’ll move on and forget what it felt like to wake up beside one another; we’ll find what we’re looking for elsewhere and we’ll understand why this all had to happen the way that it did but what we had will always exist somewhere, in rotting apples and old mail and unplayed mix CDs, in mosaics that line the city streets, in sirens and red and white flashing lights that shine through your window while you are asleep you and i were magic, we always will be.
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60
The beach smells of tranquillity and salty sea air The rhythm of the waves gently caresses my skin The horizon seems elusive, a dream always chased Yet night foreshadows traumas waiting to be let in Oh where do I begin? *I love you I don't wanna be scared of you I'm waiting in the shoreline Please don't run away this time* I'm scared of silent reflections, solemn and reclusive I float futher from myself with each passing day I have a note addressed to myself taped to a mirror I'm scared of reading it aloud and being lead astray And I have to accept that it's okay *"I love you I don't wanna be scared of you I'm waiting in the shoreline Please don't run away this time"* Seashells coated in sand tickle the edge of my ear The fog carried on the wind sends chills deep inside The sun will always be there to break the duskiness Daunting across the sky and waking up the tide And the breeze slowly sighed Please don't run away,        don't run away from me Please don't run away,          don't run away from help Please don't run away,              don't run away from the sea Please don't run away,                 don't run away from yourself Angel wings take me further than I've ever gone before
0
Sep 23, 2018
Sep 23, 2018 at 11:29 AM UTC
Note to Self
I don't know how to write happy poems because I don't really believe in them. I thought angst would die with adolescence, but alas I can still feel its cold dint. Perhaps like virginity this goes too; no longer a creep standing idly by. Plastic smiles taped to our cardboard faces and yours alone I felt the need to prise. That's okay, because the teenaged rosebud that we claim to be so very unique is beginning to wither, can't you see? And now it's the thorns society seeks. So look out over yonder cityscape. Your mask shall be shed only by the moon. Until then, a cartographer of love; yours that is, we'll still pathetically swoon.
0
Dec 25, 2013
Dec 25, 2013 at 10:06 PM UTC
A Self-Conscious Ode to the Teen Age
Infinitely and often nightly but very quietly I creep into the garden shed and make a bed among the flower pots where those dainty blooms with purple spots spot me and open up their eyes to see who sits among the rakes and spades and somewhere in those dappled glades my eyes will rest upon a cur-ved apparition and entirely of an auto responsive suggestion I will greet her with a midnight smile taped on my lips and when my heart has done its forty skips and my body settles down I invite her to come a little close and sit beside me by the oak tree she smiles in a light to brighten any night and any day I know would be proud to say go with the moment it is yours to own but on my own trapped in a shady place I face the fact that this place in the garden shed is only pictures in my head and I retreat beat it back indoors where the thunderous snores of all my many days come back to haze me in some juvenilish way it's the way of it it is the way and I have bitten off more than a piece or two and flown too close to sit upon the heat of the sun burned my bridges burned my *** and never learnt to hold my tongue but it is the way and one day the way will become oh so clear the potting shed that's in my head will disappear and in its place the face I look to meet will greet me deferentially I shall shape my tongue to fit around the words I want to say It is and always has been this way.
0
Jun 5, 2013
Jun 5, 2013 at 5:00 PM UTC
Skiing Holidays
Time to be in Tune with my own Best Dad Much would it take to cause Celebration Sermons apart, yet Insights I just had Took me some Yards taped for Inspiration Rarely such Species can just Understand The Skirted *** most Males eliminate Still most Sires force their Sons on Demand To spout their Seeds for Pride to propagate If you can recall those Sales-Slips within How Footed and Devote your Presence was Tri-Dimed Corporate; Or Sea-Tigers therein Is just the Greeting Card I'll Love at last. Senior come hither; In Prime Deposit Father my Mentor; In Wisdom ask it.
0
Mar 9, 2013
Mar 9, 2013 at 5:08 AM UTC
SONNET TRIBUTE: JESUS ***** C. MANDREZA JR.
I would've given birth To you, Endured whatever Mothers do. Instead, I did What Dads do. I rocked you Til my future shook; Watched you til I couldn't look. As you changed, I changed too, To do the things That Dads do. You were bathed, Dressed and fed; I loved you so much I was saved. If there's credit, Well, I get it, For teaching you to read. I took the blame When you got bored With school's ABC's. I followed you In all your roles, Your teams, Your solos, Your trips, Your shows. First to clap, Last to sit; I taped it all, From start - To finish. I taught you How to tie a lace, Ride a bike, Golf and skate. When time arrived For you to drive, You learned On standard, Never stranded, You came home alive. Your highs I took in stride, By example taught Humility's pride. Your lows, I couldn't internalize, I dropped my guard With my eyes. When Dad's do well It's a double edge, The future wedge. The world Revealed Desired you too. I don't dismiss What mothers do, But when Dads do well, Both lose you.
0
Sep 13, 2014
Sep 13, 2014 at 10:12 AM UTC
When Dads Do Well
Never will I be covered in tattoos My legs and toes shall forever stay bruised. I’ll never paint or carry a tune Forever and ever, I’ll wear a tutu. I won’t dye my hair pink or blue My piercings will stay as the simple two Nails cut short and hair in a bun In ballet, this must be done. Pink tights by the mound Bobby pins all around Leotards on the floor Pointe shoes by the door. Toes taped so tightly Smiling big and brightly Red lipstick adding to her beauty The dancer moves so smoothly. Turned out from my hips No words coming from my lips I dance sweetly to the sound Ooh ballet, to you, I am bound. Full of grace, never haste Filling perfectly my costume of lace Ever so sweet, my dancing feet Step after step, I repeat and repeat. Obtaining perfection is my key It’s what I strive for, it’s all that defines me Pushing harder and harder to reach my goal It’s what I live for, ballet is my soul. My toes may bleed And my knees, grow weak But I’ll never stop dancing… Not until I reach my peak. Pirouette, Pirouette Dancer’s silhouette Practicing at dusk Dedication is a must. Stretching my limbs Choreographing on a whim Alway aiming to be stronger To hold my arabesque longer. When I do finally reach that triple pirouette and all is done and all is set I put myself back into class Aiming for a fourth, to be better than the last. This is the life of a dancer en point Risking the health of her feet, legs and joints Just for that one perfect moment on stage Where the ballerina stands tall and all are amazed.
0
Feb 19, 2014
Feb 19, 2014 at 3:49 AM UTC
Ballerina
Never will I be covered in tattoos My legs and toes shall forever stay bruised. I’ll never paint or carry a tune Forever and ever, I’ll wear a tutu. I won’t dye my hair pink or blue My piercings will stay as the simple two Nails cut short and hair in a bun In ballet, this must be done. Pink tights by the mound Bobby pins all around Leotards on the floor Pointe shoes by the door. Toes taped so tightly Smiling big and brightly Red lipstick adding to her beauty The dancer moves so smoothly. Turned out from my hips No words coming from my lips I dance sweetly to the sound Ooh ballet, to you, I am bound. Full of grace, never haste Filling perfectly my costume of lace Ever so sweet, my dancing feet Step after step, I repeat and repeat. Obtaining perfection is my key It’s what I strive for, it’s all that defines me Pushing harder and harder to reach my goal It’s what I live for, ballet is my soul. My toes may bleed And my knees, grow weak But I’ll never stop dancing… Not until I reach my peak. Pirouette, Pirouette Dancer’s silhouette Practicing at dusk Dedication is a must. Stretching my limbs Choreographing on a whim Alway aiming to be stronger To hold my arabesque longer. When I do finally reach that triple pirouette and all is done and all is set I put myself back into class Aiming for a fourth, to be better than the last. This is the life of a dancer en point Risking the health of her feet, legs and joints Just for that one perfect moment on stage Where the ballerina stands tall and all are amazed.
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48
i loved to paint using your colour. i’d go day and night, from one canvas to another, using different shades of you to paint all kinds of pictures. i never lost any ideas. i never had to find inspiration. it all just comes to me whenever i look at you. one day, i woke up colour blind. and unfortunately, it’s in your colour. all the paintings, all the sketches, all the canvasses that were of your colour, plastered, hanged, and taped all over my walls doesn’t make sense anymore. it was all grey. all dull. a colour i know existed but never really tried using before. i tried searching for your colours in the things you’ve touched. the words you’ve said. i searched everywhere but whenever i do think your colour will come back, my eyes revert to reality. now you’re just a memory. your colour will only exist inside my mind. those shades i loved. the pigments i crave to achieve every time i stroke my brush. it’s all in my head now. it’s been years now. your colour isn’t as bright as i thought my memory would remind me of. i paint with a different colour now. actually, i paint with all the colours now except yours. all those nights i spent painting, it’s with every colour i come across but yours. now my wall’s full of colour again. all from different parts of me. colours i never knew existed. now, i’m happy. i’m content. i’m colourful.
0
Sep 1, 2018
Sep 1, 2018 at 5:21 AM UTC
colour blind
Sarah Sarah is a virgo
 but she is no ******
 She is full of experience,
 and im not talking about *** or drugs. 
( though she had her fair share.) 
Im talking about life. 
Sarah hasnt lived in a fairy tale,
 but if she did,
 she would be a prince. 
She is charming, 
bold,
 kind, 
and tenacious. 
Sarah would **** a dragon 
just to make sure you were safe. 
She will make you laugh, 
and iron soap,
 Dancing as she watches you with 
her precious knowledge of Amity. 
Sarah will hold you when you cry,
 and she will tell you its okay to be sad.
 Sarah had her vision turn gray when she was a child; 
words tore at her skin,
 but she is still alive.
 Her vision turned back to technicolor 
but that doesn’t mean it won’t turn back to gray.
 Sarah dosent like to talk about herself, 
but you can talk to her,
 She will help you see the world.
 If you can’t see the flowers Sarah will hold your hand and 
sing you a picture.
 Sarah holds all of her friends, 
there names taped to the front of her heart.
 She plants her seed of friendship
 deep in the roots of your garden.
 You dont need to meet her more than once,
 you can tell that she is always there. 
Sarah can be mean,
 but thats just cause shes tired. 
Sarah carries the troubles she has with her, 
they are wrapped with the sign 
“do not enter” 
but she dosen’t let them weigh her down.
 Sarah dosent ask for help 
she is given it,
 and she will always return the favor
 but she will complain about you giving 
even before you finish your task. 
Sarah is a mystery,
 She smokes a lot of 
cigarettes
 but she still 
smells like 
 Sarah.
 She is far from perfect,
 she animates her life with overdramatic hand movements
 and tells her wisdom with sonnets or
 Monologues from act i scene ii,
 She plays overtures from her heart,
 and talks lyrics from her soul.
 Sarah is a musical of a life 
full of future.
 She is a name in lights 
not yet recognized.
 Sarah hasn’t finished her life yet, but she is the lines
 of poetry, and songs 
not yet written. 
Sarah adds years to peoples lives.
 Sarah is a friend,
 and im happy to know her 
even if a short minute of her hourglass 
is all I ever see.
0
Jul 13, 2015
Jul 13, 2015 at 8:36 AM UTC
For Sarah
Sarah Sarah is a virgo
 but she is no ******
 She is full of experience,
 and im not talking about *** or drugs. 
( though she had her fair share.) 
Im talking about life. 
Sarah hasnt lived in a fairy tale,
 but if she did,
 she would be a prince. 
She is charming, 
bold,
 kind, 
and tenacious. 
Sarah would **** a dragon 
just to make sure you were safe. 
She will make you laugh, 
and iron soap,
 Dancing as she watches you with 
her precious knowledge of Amity. 
Sarah will hold you when you cry,
 and she will tell you its okay to be sad.
 Sarah had her vision turn gray when she was a child; 
words tore at her skin,
 but she is still alive.
 Her vision turned back to technicolor 
but that doesn’t mean it won’t turn back to gray.
 Sarah dosent like to talk about herself, 
but you can talk to her,
 She will help you see the world.
 If you can’t see the flowers Sarah will hold your hand and 
sing you a picture.
 Sarah holds all of her friends, 
there names taped to the front of her heart.
 She plants her seed of friendship
 deep in the roots of your garden.
 You dont need to meet her more than once,
 you can tell that she is always there. 
Sarah can be mean,
 but thats just cause shes tired. 
Sarah carries the troubles she has with her, 
they are wrapped with the sign 
“do not enter” 
but she dosen’t let them weigh her down.
 Sarah dosent ask for help 
she is given it,
 and she will always return the favor
 but she will complain about you giving 
even before you finish your task. 
Sarah is a mystery,
 She smokes a lot of 
cigarettes
 but she still 
smells like 
 Sarah.
 She is far from perfect,
 she animates her life with overdramatic hand movements
 and tells her wisdom with sonnets or
 Monologues from act i scene ii,
 She plays overtures from her heart,
 and talks lyrics from her soul.
 Sarah is a musical of a life 
full of future.
 She is a name in lights 
not yet recognized.
 Sarah hasn’t finished her life yet, but she is the lines
 of poetry, and songs 
not yet written. 
Sarah adds years to peoples lives.
 Sarah is a friend,
 and im happy to know her 
even if a short minute of her hourglass 
is all I ever see.
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67
When is it the right time To open the closet door To look in on a journey paused To risk the truth and find Boxes taped up with angry haste Adventures stifled within four walls When is the right time To sit with the papers, the moments, the times To make the decisions To be brave in the face of pain and find Cherished moments stuffed haphazardly away Flashes of beauty smothered by a storm When is the right time To laugh, to cry, to hate, to mourn To acknowledge the truth To risk the unpredictable path that leads to A heart ready, open for healing And a closet - with room for someone else
0
Aug 9, 2017
Aug 9, 2017 at 1:02 PM UTC
Cleaning Out the Closet
Here at Kinkos We have a saying, “copies of copies” You are trained to always ask for a source file The digital file of the picture the camera took The negatives of digital cameras You see because when you print a picture from that file it’s the best it will ever be Every detail captured in that moment stored in bits and bytes ready If you make a copy of that picture it will never be as good And if you make a copy of that copy it’ll be even worse And if you were to make a copy of the hundredth copy of the ninety ninth copy you might not even recognize the image Whether it’s a speck of dust on the scanner Or a crease in the print out Sun stains from prolonged exposure to the elements Or simply from time Copies never look as good as the original Even if you try and protect them And even if you were to magically protect that photo from any external forces The next copy still won’t be the same quality A scanner can never pick up every detail from the print on the glass Copies of copies are never the same Sometimes the printer is calibrated different Sometimes it’s a heavy magenta day Sometimes it’s a saturated cyan day Maybe you touched her face when you handed it over And now every copy has a feint of your thumb print above her eyebrow You had him taped to your rearview mirror for a whole year And now every copy you make has a glare where the tape used to be It blocks out his heart shaped hands he was making you from the bus window Folded in your wallet and now all the copies have white spaces where her face was I mean where the creases were I’ve heard that when you remember something you are simply remembering the last time you remembered it Memories of memories So that after you’ve remembered her a thousand times you’ve forgotten all the details you forgot to remember the time before So that the more you remember something, the faster you’ll forget Maybe that’s why we forget exes faster than family Maybe that’s why we forget the great parts of high school before the painful ones I remember that you had red hair, that your eyes were kind, that your hands fit my cheek I remember that you were bad at pool and that it felt like love, and if it wasn’t you’re the only one that knew it And now I’m wondering after all these years what I’m forgetting to remember What I forgot to remember last time What did I forget this time What won’t I remember next time Memories of memories Like copies of copies Fading over time If I never wanted to forget the best moments of my life Should I never remember them Is the fastest way to forget the bad ones To remember them often
0
Dec 17, 2015
Dec 17, 2015 at 11:46 PM UTC
Copies of Copies
Here at Kinkos We have a saying, “copies of copies” You are trained to always ask for a source file The digital file of the picture the camera took The negatives of digital cameras You see because when you print a picture from that file it’s the best it will ever be Every detail captured in that moment stored in bits and bytes ready If you make a copy of that picture it will never be as good And if you make a copy of that copy it’ll be even worse And if you were to make a copy of the hundredth copy of the ninety ninth copy you might not even recognize the image Whether it’s a speck of dust on the scanner Or a crease in the print out Sun stains from prolonged exposure to the elements Or simply from time Copies never look as good as the original Even if you try and protect them And even if you were to magically protect that photo from any external forces The next copy still won’t be the same quality A scanner can never pick up every detail from the print on the glass Copies of copies are never the same Sometimes the printer is calibrated different Sometimes it’s a heavy magenta day Sometimes it’s a saturated cyan day Maybe you touched her face when you handed it over And now every copy has a feint of your thumb print above her eyebrow You had him taped to your rearview mirror for a whole year And now every copy you make has a glare where the tape used to be It blocks out his heart shaped hands he was making you from the bus window Folded in your wallet and now all the copies have white spaces where her face was I mean where the creases were I’ve heard that when you remember something you are simply remembering the last time you remembered it Memories of memories So that after you’ve remembered her a thousand times you’ve forgotten all the details you forgot to remember the time before So that the more you remember something, the faster you’ll forget Maybe that’s why we forget exes faster than family Maybe that’s why we forget the great parts of high school before the painful ones I remember that you had red hair, that your eyes were kind, that your hands fit my cheek I remember that you were bad at pool and that it felt like love, and if it wasn’t you’re the only one that knew it And now I’m wondering after all these years what I’m forgetting to remember What I forgot to remember last time What did I forget this time What won’t I remember next time Memories of memories Like copies of copies Fading over time If I never wanted to forget the best moments of my life Should I never remember them Is the fastest way to forget the bad ones To remember them often
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49
"I'm better, I'm better." She lies to herself as it hides tucked away, taped under her shelf. "I am loved, I am loved." She convincingly yelped as her vice hides away until she calls for help. "I am strong! I am strong!" The poor girl carries on. He's unhidden and waiting to come sliding along. Drip, drip, drip. The girl's hand must have slipped for her razor is laying, right there, where she sits. kd
0
Feb 6, 2015
Feb 6, 2015 at 6:01 PM UTC
Relapse
My first impression of the children's hospital was how nice everything was. It was new, with fish tanks and red sofas; pastel windows which made pretty colors on the floor when the sun went through them; walls were freshly painted and everyone talked with a smile. Everything just looked so peaceful. It wasn't until my second visit that I saw the flaws. I was sitting on one of the red couches, waiting for my name to be called, and I was looking at the fish tank. A little girl was pressed up to the glass telling her mother that she could see nemo. But when I looked closer, I saw a little fish turned over floating at the surface. A man behind the glass quickly pulled it out of the tank, but I saw. That's when I started noticing other things. Like the bloodstain on the cushion next to me. And the fact that a few tiles were missing from the floor. The wood paneling had scratches on it; one of the pastel windows was taped up; and every parent was smiling, but the little kids holding on to them kept asking what was wrong. Maybe that's just how hospitals are. They want you to think that everything's okay; that all that goes on inside are couches and fishtanks. They think that if they write out the word HOSPITAL in bubbly pink letters people might get it into their brains that everything's okay. But that doesn't change the fact that it's a hospital. Masking pain only works for so long, until broken bits and pieces push their way through. I think hospitals are just fish tanks. Everyone is put on display for doctors and visitors and things seem okay for a while, you know, until they aren't. When a little nemo dies, they send away his body and just replace him with another orange fish that people can look at. We are all the cracks in the pavement; elevators shut down for repair; a phantom pain that nobody wants to believe is real. If you stand far enough away; if you distance yourselves from anything close to the word hospital, you can just let yourself focus on the mask they put up. But once it's time, and you're sitting on a red couch in the lobby of the children's wing, with a kid asking you where her older brother went, you'll find yourself staring at the cracks in the facade with a single tear running down your face and with emptiness in your stomach.
0
Jan 31, 2015
Jan 31, 2015 at 11:06 AM UTC
Hospital
My first impression of the children's hospital was how nice everything was. It was new, with fish tanks and red sofas; pastel windows which made pretty colors on the floor when the sun went through them; walls were freshly painted and everyone talked with a smile. Everything just looked so peaceful. It wasn't until my second visit that I saw the flaws. I was sitting on one of the red couches, waiting for my name to be called, and I was looking at the fish tank. A little girl was pressed up to the glass telling her mother that she could see nemo. But when I looked closer, I saw a little fish turned over floating at the surface. A man behind the glass quickly pulled it out of the tank, but I saw. That's when I started noticing other things. Like the bloodstain on the cushion next to me. And the fact that a few tiles were missing from the floor. The wood paneling had scratches on it; one of the pastel windows was taped up; and every parent was smiling, but the little kids holding on to them kept asking what was wrong. Maybe that's just how hospitals are. They want you to think that everything's okay; that all that goes on inside are couches and fishtanks. They think that if they write out the word HOSPITAL in bubbly pink letters people might get it into their brains that everything's okay. But that doesn't change the fact that it's a hospital. Masking pain only works for so long, until broken bits and pieces push their way through. I think hospitals are just fish tanks. Everyone is put on display for doctors and visitors and things seem okay for a while, you know, until they aren't. When a little nemo dies, they send away his body and just replace him with another orange fish that people can look at. We are all the cracks in the pavement; elevators shut down for repair; a phantom pain that nobody wants to believe is real. If you stand far enough away; if you distance yourselves from anything close to the word hospital, you can just let yourself focus on the mask they put up. But once it's time, and you're sitting on a red couch in the lobby of the children's wing, with a kid asking you where her older brother went, you'll find yourself staring at the cracks in the facade with a single tear running down your face and with emptiness in your stomach.
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4
Be still. The words I thought of when you were ill. I prayed with you every night, then God let me feel your heartbeat. Time was collecting your bloodflow. Heartbeat. Repeat, repeating the pain I felt that day when cousin' came in and said,"God took your mother up today."I was nine years old. You died about two weeks before my birthday. All I got was, packed up cardboard boxes with scotched taped ribbon that glistened in the sun as we made room for it in storage. Stored heartbeats. No one could take your place. The sad thing is I barely remember your face. Chemo. You had to take all those tests, and in the end they still cut off your left breast. Heartbeat. Time finally took your breath. Time ended our time. Why was it that after you died the doctor's found a cure to this genocide? I wish you were still here by my side. I was your baby. I asked the doctor if you were going to live, and all I got was, "maybe." Maybe you might come back someday. You used to appear all the time but then you drifted away. Heartbeat. I saw you laying in red. That red that, filled my eyes with hopelessness. I wished that red were still hanging in your closet in the dry cleaners bag, and the your aroma were in the stiches. After 7 years, I still can't believe you're dead. Even though you're not here, I think about you everydat. I ask a question that every child asks. "Why did God take my mother away?" Heartbeat. Time has finished this poem.
0
Mar 3, 2010
Mar 3, 2010 at 2:25 PM UTC
Heartbeat
The time sways Forth and back Through the light Happiness shines Smiling bright Everything that felt fine Now are crowded in a sack Closed, taped, not my way It kills me,little slow deaths To have them go with A part of me alive Why do the cure of emptyness Has to have an end Left with that painless ache That creates a hole deep in pain A member lost in my chaos Returned by their ignorance In the place which thy fitted Now asks for coverage It can't even be masked For they cutted it broad and wide It kills me,little slow deaths To have them go With a part of me alive. That they never feel How my elated heart smiled When their smiles were around They never cared for what I gave up in the flick of eyes Mesmerised by the sunkissed times All they did was, Find the ink to my page And filled me up with their Promising words All they did then was Give up on me When they found that I was filled up to brimm So they took away me from me With some that belonged there's And with some that I never cared. All they did was left me bereft.
0
Jun 15, 2015
Jun 15, 2015 at 2:33 PM UTC
Bereft
i had little parrot all it did was swear no matter who was in no matter who was there i was so embarrassed my face was always red getting any visitors i used to always dread everything he said was always very crude every word he spoke was so very rude i covered up his cage this it made him worse no matter what i did he always used to curse i taped up his beak and left him overnight this had done the trick now he his polite now the cursing gone so has my red face he his back to normal gone has my disgrace
0
Feb 6, 2014
Feb 6, 2014 at 6:21 PM UTC
cursing parrot
you wedge your pointer finger between your canines- in an attempt to appear sublime- or nervous- or seductive either way it doesn't succeed. your tooth, teeth speck of blood, bleed emerging as you pierce your calloused yellow patch of skin (layers & layers of the girls you've touched before) but you crave one more- for in every sleepless night there's a quote to be fill- a new slit to drill- you're a man. i can sense it- throbbing and shaking beneath your olive exterior how you long to drag your now bloodied, prior prettied finger up an off white thigh- to disregard the things obliged- to forge the paradigm from faulty tools, splintered and battered in a worn down knapsack duct taped to a hunching back, you're a man. thoughts of droning monotone quiet your hungry bones (i can hear them) rattling as you **** your head and lift that heavy glance up to me. i can see you, flopping and thrusting and sweating, which after years of curiosity has handed me nothing, but sweaty sheets and burning *** i lay beneath you, silent i'm a woman. avert your eyes ( i am tempted to plead) from the onset of premature varicose veins (i am pale, glasslike, arched & stained) allow me to suffocate the already immune- girls born into the world with big black brandings stamped onto their lightly acne ridden foreheads. (SMALL, MEDIUM, LARGE) trim your ribs, shave off the cellulite- turning a blind eye to accessible insight.. a salad for lunch, make it dinner too. finger down your throat, orange acid hurling, stick like dancers twirling, they bring tears to your eyes, if only {you} possessed the grace- but there are pounds to erase. i'm a woman. thirteen years of advertisements stapled to your eyes standing barefoot in a bath tub with chunks of blood running down shaking legs kicking off a now crimson pair of old underwear- stuck & tangled on trembling feet [ silence your voice and push up your ******* til they're touching your neck. get a nose job get a blow job you're a woman ]
0
May 10, 2012
May 10, 2012 at 10:50 AM UTC
trials of womanhood.
you wedge your pointer finger between your canines- in an attempt to appear sublime- or nervous- or seductive either way it doesn't succeed. your tooth, teeth speck of blood, bleed emerging as you pierce your calloused yellow patch of skin (layers & layers of the girls you've touched before) but you crave one more- for in every sleepless night there's a quote to be fill- a new slit to drill- you're a man. i can sense it- throbbing and shaking beneath your olive exterior how you long to drag your now bloodied, prior prettied finger up an off white thigh- to disregard the things obliged- to forge the paradigm from faulty tools, splintered and battered in a worn down knapsack duct taped to a hunching back, you're a man. thoughts of droning monotone quiet your hungry bones (i can hear them) rattling as you **** your head and lift that heavy glance up to me. i can see you, flopping and thrusting and sweating, which after years of curiosity has handed me nothing, but sweaty sheets and burning *** i lay beneath you, silent i'm a woman. avert your eyes ( i am tempted to plead) from the onset of premature varicose veins (i am pale, glasslike, arched & stained) allow me to suffocate the already immune- girls born into the world with big black brandings stamped onto their lightly acne ridden foreheads. (SMALL, MEDIUM, LARGE) trim your ribs, shave off the cellulite- turning a blind eye to accessible insight.. a salad for lunch, make it dinner too. finger down your throat, orange acid hurling, stick like dancers twirling, they bring tears to your eyes, if only {you} possessed the grace- but there are pounds to erase. i'm a woman. thirteen years of advertisements stapled to your eyes standing barefoot in a bath tub with chunks of blood running down shaking legs kicking off a now crimson pair of old underwear- stuck & tangled on trembling feet [ silence your voice and push up your ******* til they're touching your neck. get a nose job get a blow job you're a woman ]
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Bare feet Teared clothes Eyes with tears Consoling her fear She was ***** Broken and burned Still people taped Her parents told her You'll be not married Nor have kids It's better to be silent and mild Her voice being shivered Shouted! If my words Will not shout Rapists voice will be loud World will make me choose Tough honor or life I have nothing to loose Nothing to loose People may refuse May repel my voice But i being robbed And justice is what I wanna eloped ♥️
0
Apr 29, 2019
Apr 29, 2019 at 12:36 AM UTC
Womens♥️
Turn off the light, Force my eyes to adjust So for a brief point in time I don’t have to deal with the world. The roués of an instance Pressing and compressing Ideas once held so dearly, So close to the chest, Fundamental morals that are nurtured and grown to define who I am, to determine what defines me, to know what best explains who, what, when, where and why I become ‘I’; ...Has warped. We are all required To develop an acquired Taste of territoriality Over who we are, and what we have Or, Who we have and why we are. “She is mine. From the second I laid eyes on her I knew.”- The Landlord That determinism, That ‘I am who I am, and the only thing that changes is time’ Is flawed. Time does not change! Who we are changes! Change only comes from within. The unfathomable amount of people I can and will be, Stems from me and myself alone. However poignant this is, The matter arises that, No question how much responsibility I have for why I am, who I am, and who I need to be; These people will never meet. We are told to dream, That we can be whoever we want to be, Though we never want to be who we are. The closer we get to the carrot, The more we realise It is dangling from the pole taped to our heads. Never live for the dream Just be existent in the present, For the vision does not exist. And never will. It just changes. *And I am sick of dreaming… But I lack sleep. …Oh god, what have I done?*
0
Dec 27, 2012
Dec 27, 2012 at 7:50 AM UTC
9. Rest
I am a helpless hopeless witness sitting idle on a courtroom bench as if in church kneeling backwards beneath slanted    stain                         glass                      light with my hands clasped tight and pressed neat against my forehead but there is no one to pray to when there is no faith; I am invisible in the eyes of a clairvoyant god. My heart beats rough almost p   o     u       n         d           i             n               g straight out of my chest to the beat of the grand judge's gavel. "Guilty, guilty, guilty," they chant, and "Selfish,                 selfish,                               selfish," too. "We find the defendant cowardly." They never even put me on the stand. They will not sentence me to execution--           for that would be too kindly. I am destined to a life of praying for death without parole and                                     folding a plethora of pervasive glances tightly between the          lines          on          my          palms. They shoot their looks from                        all     different                                           angles,                       and even with this accumulation of grayscale smoke above my head, I can't escape it. After every much belittled blink they taunt me with another slice of glass that scrapes off my skin cells          one                  by                        one and leaves my body hair in a standing ovation pulsing with anticipation--            but they never draw blood. A cruel and unusual punishment. At confession I can never find the breath to reveal the heart I've taped to my chest to keep from f                                                                                a                                                                                l                                                                                l                                                                                i                                                                                n                                                                                g or the soul in my hands that's been               crushed between sweaty fingers. How can they punish me when I am already a walking jail cell with skinny white lines for bars on my wrists? I am to repent until I am no longer human, but here's the thing--              I never was. I am much much more.
0
Apr 5, 2014
Apr 5, 2014 at 1:19 AM UTC
on dusty metaphorical courtrooms and mental health stigma
I am a helpless hopeless witness sitting idle on a courtroom bench as if in church kneeling backwards beneath slanted    stain                         glass                      light with my hands clasped tight and pressed neat against my forehead but there is no one to pray to when there is no faith; I am invisible in the eyes of a clairvoyant god. My heart beats rough almost p   o     u       n         d           i             n               g straight out of my chest to the beat of the grand judge's gavel. "Guilty, guilty, guilty," they chant, and "Selfish,                 selfish,                               selfish," too. "We find the defendant cowardly." They never even put me on the stand. They will not sentence me to execution--           for that would be too kindly. I am destined to a life of praying for death without parole and                                     folding a plethora of pervasive glances tightly between the          lines          on          my          palms. They shoot their looks from                        all     different                                           angles,                       and even with this accumulation of grayscale smoke above my head, I can't escape it. After every much belittled blink they taunt me with another slice of glass that scrapes off my skin cells          one                  by                        one and leaves my body hair in a standing ovation pulsing with anticipation--            but they never draw blood. A cruel and unusual punishment. At confession I can never find the breath to reveal the heart I've taped to my chest to keep from f                                                                                a                                                                                l                                                                                l                                                                                i                                                                                n                                                                                g or the soul in my hands that's been               crushed between sweaty fingers. How can they punish me when I am already a walking jail cell with skinny white lines for bars on my wrists? I am to repent until I am no longer human, but here's the thing--              I never was. I am much much more.
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84
what am i supposed to do                  when the people                  *who picked me up         taped me back together*         shattered and ripped me walked away    and never      turned back       ~           ~           ~ **cut open i bleed water rusty and brown in myself i've started to drown**
0
Dec 4, 2014
Dec 4, 2014 at 7:40 PM UTC
Kids Who Play With Scissors Don't Know Where To Cut
Viva Sto. Nino! Come let us celebrate The boy Jesus Our King, our Savior! Colorful banderitas drape This town street. Here comes the Pagan parade Going to the church, Lead by gay majorettes Flaunting their legs while Blowing kisses to the priests. There is a river Of people each holding A portrayal of the living God, A glossy Sto. Nino statue Dressed in peasant clothes, A chef's uniform, A crisp black suit, A traditional Chinese costume, And a striped swimwear even. Some people are masked As zombies and ghouls Quite like Halloween in January. Their face paints start to get Smeared in their sweaty cheeks In this scorching 2 pm sun. At the middle of the parade comes A pick-up decked with a stereo. A portrait of lady in a bikini is Taped on one of its speakers. As the parade moves on The kids moshed and fist pumped To tribal rhythms and hiphop hits With cuss words in every beat. The sun is setting and The celebration finally arrives At the crowded church plaza. People make their way, Inching slowly to the grand church door. The great parade ends in a bang, well A slap rather. A ***** boy hits A lady's behind In yellow micro shorts. A brawl erupts In the midst of the crowd, In front of the saints Petrified in the stained glass windows. The mass starts soon after As if nothing happened. *Viva Sto. Nino! Come let us celebrate The boy Jesus Our King, our Savior!*
0
Feb 10, 2014
Feb 10, 2014 at 8:56 AM UTC
Viva Sto. Nino!
I took my ****** sister Marigold to the cinema, she had asked specifically and eventually (she doesn't speak a lot on account of her awful stammer and amazing cleft palate which has won prizes) so I knew that this was something she really wanted, and I teased for her bad taste when she told me that she wanted to see "Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Charlie and the Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chocolate Factory". It was a Saturday evening and the local picture house was showing a re-run of the classic starring Gene Wilder as the enigmatically stylish ***** Wonka, and not that steaming great pictorial **** served up by Tim Burton and I knew that town would be busy with oiks so as a treat I dressed her up better than usual, and even gave her a hosedown to get rid of the poopy pong. She had stopped crying by the time the feature started and I think the Ooompa Loompa costume grew on her but that maybe the orange paint was a bit of a bad idea as people had stared as it was Day-Glo and she stood out like a bulldog's ******* but I stand by my decision to dye her hair green, it had taken thought and planning; it was meant to add to her excitement of the day, so I meant well, even if I was ineffectual in the end. I sat her on my lap in the picture house but still paid for two seats but I do get one ticket half price though because of her disabilities, so it wasn'€™t all bad, every cloud and all that, you know what I mean? She tends to get a little down every now and then but a £1 cinema ticket partly makes up for being born legless. I knew from past experience that the cinema staff prefer me to carry my stunted sis rather than wheeling her in (I do recall that the time I taped her to her skateboard proved somewhat a disaster - but really, the fat usher had a torch and should have watched her step or otherwise she wouldn't have bust her neck). The Ooompa Loompa costume allowed Marigold to amuse herself during the screening (as there were no leggings to the costume). She barely noticed when the fat little hero got blown up on screen except to dribble "chocolate" from her own little chocolate factory. It was, all in all, quite an eventful outing and one I might consider repeating but probably in a different cinema next time, mainly because we got banned for life when the manager saw the condition of the seat.
0
Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 8:06 AM UTC
Marigold Goes To The Cinema
I took my ****** sister Marigold to the cinema, she had asked specifically and eventually (she doesn't speak a lot on account of her awful stammer and amazing cleft palate which has won prizes) so I knew that this was something she really wanted, and I teased for her bad taste when she told me that she wanted to see "Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Charlie and the Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chocolate Factory". It was a Saturday evening and the local picture house was showing a re-run of the classic starring Gene Wilder as the enigmatically stylish ***** Wonka, and not that steaming great pictorial **** served up by Tim Burton and I knew that town would be busy with oiks so as a treat I dressed her up better than usual, and even gave her a hosedown to get rid of the poopy pong. She had stopped crying by the time the feature started and I think the Ooompa Loompa costume grew on her but that maybe the orange paint was a bit of a bad idea as people had stared as it was Day-Glo and she stood out like a bulldog's ******* but I stand by my decision to dye her hair green, it had taken thought and planning; it was meant to add to her excitement of the day, so I meant well, even if I was ineffectual in the end. I sat her on my lap in the picture house but still paid for two seats but I do get one ticket half price though because of her disabilities, so it wasn'€™t all bad, every cloud and all that, you know what I mean? She tends to get a little down every now and then but a £1 cinema ticket partly makes up for being born legless. I knew from past experience that the cinema staff prefer me to carry my stunted sis rather than wheeling her in (I do recall that the time I taped her to her skateboard proved somewhat a disaster - but really, the fat usher had a torch and should have watched her step or otherwise she wouldn't have bust her neck). The Ooompa Loompa costume allowed Marigold to amuse herself during the screening (as there were no leggings to the costume). She barely noticed when the fat little hero got blown up on screen except to dribble "chocolate" from her own little chocolate factory. It was, all in all, quite an eventful outing and one I might consider repeating but probably in a different cinema next time, mainly because we got banned for life when the manager saw the condition of the seat.
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47
Your eyes smoulder with an imagination that is even bolder than I could have dreamed and colder than this toxic air we've been forced to breathe. You write poetry across your face to form a Gas mask of rythym, blocking out the hate yet sealing in ideas that might frustrate you. You hear the birds in the trees and you read the articles in every magazine, you take in information like the bees to the Queen. Your thoughts radiate an aura surrounding your entire body, you bleed history and pop culture facts, you need the written word like an addict needs their cigarette packs. You're empathetic to your core, you feel what everyone else does so you hide yourself in your mind until you can categorize the emotions from the lies. I know you can feel the love in your heart even through all the cracks, like a weathered and torn apart roadmap but you're taped together perfectly and even with a few wrong turns you always find your way back to me.
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Apr 2, 2017
Apr 2, 2017 at 3:30 PM UTC
Emotions In Spectacular Fashions