The black names drip from our obituaries, sticky and thin.
You would think they would burn into our minds,
the brand of injustice against bound skin—
But a headstone is lost in unending lines.

It is horrifying.

Despicable.

How do we allow one man to **** another in cold blood?
Life spilled pours out in floods
Our men in blue drenched red
With the staggering numbers dead
And we sit back with “not all cops are the same”

Not every officer’s a killer but do you remember the names
Treyvon and Michael and Eric and Dontre and John and Ezell and Dante and Tanisha and Akai and poor little Tamir, who was still a kid,

Tell me what he did?

There is systematic opression and agression against a group skin defined
Where ****** is fine, it happens all the time, killers let off the line
Because of an oath that should bind
The oath they forget, the promise to protect, held up for all citizens except
The ones they choose to neglect

The badge not a shield but a riot ram
Against those that take a stand
And raise defiant hands
For the names lost in the clatter,

Black Lives Matter.

"God, your my only hope"       original poem.

I speak in a tongue most fowl,
But gods eyes are like pictures,
They will judge as they follow.
But as if Done with a curse
My mouth can not contain

"More morphine please nurse
For I can not take this pain,"

I lost in the game of life,
The cliche of a loser,
Judgement cuts like a knife,
I wish I never lost her,

Nay,  as I try to back track,
At the moment That I slipped
No drug can bring back
the moments that I missed.
I'm alone, no goodbyes,
I just can't seem to cope,
Death sings me lullabies

"God your my only hope,

Please forgive my wicked ways,
I'm tucked in my death bed
I can see my final days
All though all life must end,
Its the law of your design
But when i hit rock bottom,
I forgot how to climb,

I may have messed up bad
I accept my Destiny,
I wish i was a better dad

Tanisha Connor is my eternity."

I had made my choice
I awaited for hell,
But then I heard a voice
And then my heart fell.

"You have broken your trance,
So now you can see
But with your second chance,
Just get to know me."

My life flashed before my eyes,
I Woke up, but there's no delay,
Push aside all my lies
Today was my son's birthday.

End.

I was lucky I realized my mistakes while I was young enough to do something about them, don't end up old and alone on your death bed, begging for a second Chance, you only get one life, do it right.

I love you Noah, Jerico, and Tanisha Becerril.

...I just need to vent cause I feel like all these events are relentless...never ending in my eyes so I try to disguise my pain
Being black is exhausting but I realize that my eyes are still on the prize
Synthesized in my mind that I'm less than what I am
I push forward...maximum capacity I fathom thee opening of a plethora of new beginnings
I'm a phenomenal woman but I'm beat down...torn down...worn down
My place of homage is showing me it ain't safe to live here no more
Vacate the primacies
Shut down...lock down anyway possible
Shacked down even by our minds so far deep we don't know how to break free
So being black is so freaking exhausting
Gotta make sure everyone is comfortable around you cuz your tint is slightly darker
Don't **** nobody of cuz you may not come home
Driving while black you may not come home
Walking while black you may not come home
Eating out while black hey you just may not get good service
Social injustice flashes before our eyes everyday like a virtual reality...game but it's a shame that it's become our reality that we gotta play
It's not about panda or Timmy turner cause at the end of the day that ain't real
I see reels and reels of Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland, Michael Brown, Eric Gardner, Tanisha Anderson, Tamir Rice, and the list goes on
But I WILL NOT WRITE MY SUICIDE NOTE!!
My people it's valid to be angry but fight with your mind
Keep your eyes on God
Even though sometimes you forget then you remember the harsh realities that consume your mind
Then you find your back in that hole that God seems to hold you up in
"Thank you Father for your saving grace that you never seem to misplace"
I can never culminate all my feelings into one shallow place
So I put my fist up till the victory is won
Even though the feeling still pierces my soul like shard glass
Being black is stressful!
Negating the fact that I'm just as good as you
Beating me down so low that I believe it to be true
So I live it
Push through it everyday
As I cry my tears I gain more strength
I'm the hulk
No time to sulk
**** them with your poise and knowledge
Don't let your anger make you be stupid
There's beauty in my brokenness
Let it bleed through these words as I emerge a serge of a glimpse of my pain
Let the towns of blackness rain through my veins as I bleed my pain on this page
I can't let my self stand and be enraged
Caged in a sound of my life's repeated tracks in my head
Yeah being black is a trying experience but I keep my soul lifted up!
So this isn't my suicide note but a warning to those who persecute me!!
YOU WILL NOT WIN!!
FISTS UP!!

what style am i?
which genre is me?
should i wear a label to show my category,
that i belong in
that I’m strong in
but i have none...well i have one
i am 'lost'
a fish amongst the sea
a speck in the universe
a leaf in a tree
nowhere to be seen
why am i so mean
to myself
i stack my thoughts up
on a shelf
they gather dust
bad for my health

i am one against many
lost in a crowd
finding my path out
should i go north or south
lost is my style, my genre, my category
lost is tanisha, lost is me