Broken people live in the valley
Where the river flows with ****
Suicide rises like the sickness tally
Depression they call it

Drugs are legal and recomended
Anything to avoid the outcome
Anything for a heart mended
Love is too weak for some

God is called upon in times of need
But He is too far away
To hear
The pleed
Save me dear God

Silence

But they hold on
To a thread
Because they know

There is the smallest possibility
That they will wake up one day
The world will lose its hostility
And they will be on their way

Out of the valley of sadness
Into the soft lit day light
Love will fill the night
And they will have peace with
The badness

I remember that time you said it was kinda cute that I listened to classical music. I didn't get he thought process behind it but that was ok

I remember when I first kissed you and you got all red and you did that cute little smile you do

I can't remember the last time I had a nights sleep without you being a part of my dreams

But that's all I've got of you. Memories

I don't think It's neither of our faults that that's the case

Or maybe it's both our faults

Regardless of either I wish this wasn't the case I wish I could spend time with you

But misery is wasted on the miserable the real love is this lonesome sadness and the emptiness

This is the best part

The sad part will be when I don't miss you anymore

And you're just another tally on the wall

A Stepmother’s voice cuts
through the campground:
Who left the cooler open?
Who moved the ******* cushions?
Her words snap the branches.

My father, just arrived,
hat wet with sweat,
stooped to tie the boat off at a tree,
met at once by her complaints,
her tally of our failures.

Her glare pressed hot against my back.
I climbed the pine,
legs scraping bark,
eyes fixed on the shimmer below-
anywhere but here.

She was there:
elbow on the water’s skin,
hair spread like wet silk,
eyes pouring over me.
Come with me, she said.

Where?

Down there.
She smiled, copper arm pointing to the deep.
It’s warm.
The fish brush your skin.

I remembered: sirens don’t save you.
They keep you.

She dove,
silver tearing water’s face,
and the lake closed like a locked door.

When she rose,
her shoulders gleamed like knives.
Laughter rolled toward me,
the same heat as the shore,
only sweeter.

Your turn.

I leapt.
The lake’s mouth closed over me.
Green-gold everywhere.
Her hair against my cheek.
Her tail’s slow beckoning.

I followed
until the light shattered above.
I almost stayed-
not to drown,
but to live where the voices could not reach.

GLUTTONY


Go ahead and gorge yourself upon gallons of gaudy garments,
Gaining more weight got by galling garish goods I guess won’t
Ground

Let loose to the luscious luxuries of lackluster lemon and
Lots of lulling bedtime letters that will surely let at bay the
Ladies

Unravel your unctuous mind and unwrap the unstoppable urge
That undeniably lives under unruly layers of
Unproductive

Together bring the talk of taking another tackle to your taciturn tally,
Taller the score and take down the tormenting tickling
Tack

Over and over in obscure ovals until objective becomes apparent
Only leaving orbs of former obliqueness’ obliging to
Object

Never again nourish the need to negate the null to nonsense,
Leave behind the knots of then and live the neat of
Now

Yesterday was yellow in yielding to yearning and
Today is your yet to the question of no or
Yes











GREED



Gradualy every great thing grounded in your gaudy life will grain,
Falling from grander to
Greed

Run away you realize will render you ridiculously reeled
Be the regal recall of natures
Ranting

Even then elude the everlasting elasticity of your sins
Only to elect your own faults and
edict

Evermore entrapped in the entity of your greed which eels
Its way through your
Etiquettes

****** to depths of hell’s dungeons you will go down
If you never fix your
Deeds.







WRATH



Wound so tightly your will won’t save you when the
Day weans of light to
Wear

Repent all you require if you really must, no reprise
Will be your
Reward

Again and again you’ve all but alleged all of your agitations
And now do you
Abject

Too many you take to the top and through to the terrible
Tale of
Tartaras

How do you have your hallowed hot-headed hate now
Had by all you
hocked







SLOTH



Silently slithering fangs strike and pierce into your supple skin
The serpent of Hades himself forcing you to succumb to
your sloth

Legs let leave your longing to linger standing
The lull of the luscious leisure of laziness
Calling you

Over and over you omit the need to oblige
Object the obscurities and overcompensate the
obligation

Though it takes away tell of your toes, stunning your talk
Teathering you to a tree and leaving you to the
terrors

However hollow the halo, the hearth of hasty hearts, may be,
you cannot halt it before is has you in its hold
sleep








LUST


Linger in line a little longer until your litenous lust
lessens to lethargic
larceny

Undone and unset you undermind your unity
and uncite all uncertainty, understand to this
ulcer

Slung across a slat singing sultry in your stipple,
you slew to sound off your
sanity

Taught thoughtless logic tenderly apply topical treatment
to tape together the tatters, tonight a temporary
Tylenol








ENVY



Eject and exact illusions of elected goals eluding your reason
So eject them for
Ever

Never return, never negate the negligence of this nuisance,
Need it
Not

Vanquish your venomous vicarious visions so vivid
I assure you not very
Vivid

Yearn no more and yearn by years how yellow
Can yell the
Yetti








PRIDE



Perniciously palpable pigs of pride that so prate way their progress,
Putting all but prosperity in their own
Propensity

Ridiculously cold rendering the most righteous of realist,
Even relenting to the racketeering of a
Rider

I too see an iota of insolence in intemperate impostors
Of what internal instances tell us is
Intimidating

Down the street dally a day and discover how detrimental
Such a disease dilutes the delineation of our past
Delegation

Even if one ever eludes the elasticizes of this eccentric extortionist
Eventually another will emit it upon to you again
entirely

when I was a teenager I played basketball
my long range shots made good strikes
each one did of the spectators greatly enthrall

opposition teams would say the word yikes
after I'd place a three pointer in the hoop
my long range shots made good strikes

the coach loved having me in the troop
effective at getting an extra point for the tally
after I'd place a three pointer in the hoop

my other team members would always rally
they'd be spurred on to play a tip top game
effective at getting an extra point for the tally

our basketball team made others look lame
we gave it our all on the court to be victorious
they'd be spurred on to play a tip top game

every ******* our home team played glorious
we gave it all on the court to be victorious
when I was teenager I played basketball
each one did of the spectators greatly enthrall

We're headed for a deep, deep valley
Poison sky in Tornado Alley
We had best not dilly-dally
Our Creator's got a running tally

"What's that list?" You may ask?
Well. What's that blood within your flask?
Amantalado's got a cask
While in luxury we bask

Amerika, Amerika!
Wearing tight blue jeans
You've lost your fight,
you've lost your might
You live beyond your means!

Amerika, Amerika!
You'd best buckle up!
Ask God's pardon!
Grow a garden!
'Coz you are out of luck!

Do you know they use CHILDREN?
Little girls & boys!
They cut their tiny fingers
While making all your toys!

There are those who aren't so Slack
At sitting on a donkey's back
Haul Coco leaves to make your crack
So politicians make a stack
While these peasants live in shacks

And here on the homefront....

Pregnant mothers will not cry
While their unborn babies die
They swallow the hook... Believe the lie
Just want their piece of the pie
And then roll their eyes and sigh
When told of Jesus... my oh my...

What happened to the Golden Rule?
Horrible bullying in schools!
Prayer no more used than stone-age tools
Non believers stubborn mules
Christian's made to look like fools!

As our Spirits atrophy
While we think that we are free
Each day a new catastrophe...
... The IRS still has its fee

We walk into the Serpent's Maw
He likes his meat ****** and raw
While the Ravens creak and caw

We Institute Sharia law!

Wealth is meant only for a few
Do-as-i-say-not-as-i-do
Folks! They are a Motley Crew!
This is not the place I knew!

DOES ALL THIS GARBAGE WORK FOR YOU?

Here's a message. It is TRUE!

WE ARE MANY... they are FEW!!!

Please allow me to be bold
This BS is getting old!
Break the *******! Break the mold!

'Cuz folks, you're being mind-controlled!

It's coming in from your PC
It's coming in from your TV
You are fed false history!
You're NOT SMARTER! YOU'RE NOT FREE!

AND YOU'LL MISS YOUR DESTINY!

Back to God's list. He's checking it twice.
Amerika... are you naughty or nice?
You're marinated in your vice!
Hear this message! Hear my voice!

'Cause pretty soon

YOU'LL HAVE NO CHOICE.


Oh, please hear me! I may offend
But it is out of love my friend!
I don't expect this work to trend
I will click and just press "send"

I wish you only blessing.

THE END.



SoulSurvivor
(C) 7/16/2016

I suppose the secret to happiness
as we grow older is living to enjoy
each day, not the sum of all our days.
If we tally the days, the years, it becomes
a cumbersome affair and we begin
to labor under its unyielding weight.

--

i look at you -
long and hard;
strike one off
the tally card -
of false promises,
and dubious words;
i peck your bud,
and fly like a bird.

i draw the line,
and watch it fade:
every second
you and i are away -
from each others grips,
coming down the trips -
i wonder if there was
another way.

smoke rings rising
up the clock -
show me the times
i forgot to lock:
my impulse for a high;
i’m not sure why -
i was expecting a key
at the bottom of the rock.

The silence is deafening.
How many days has it been?

I can almost make out the faint calls,
Of someone in the distance.

But just as quickly as they appear,
They vanish without a trace.

So, I sit against the wall,
Hugging my knees to my chest.

Scratches on the rough concrete behind me
Marking the depth of my agony

How long will I rot in this cage,
Before someone notices that I am missing?

I'll tell something about Joe
There's one thing he'll never outgrow
Entertaining his mates
With tales of new scrapes
He'll always put on a great show.

I have a great mate called Simon
Who refuses to put more weight on
He'll watch what he eats
Week after week
And soon he will look like Mike Tyson

I know a poet name Chris
Who will tend to think it remiss
If he can't get together
Some poetry matter
I guess it's one of his gfts

There is a young woman named Jenny
Whose skills and abilities are many.
She steps in when she's needed,
Expectations exceeded.
She's nothing short of uncanny.

There is a young man named Josh
Who's decided to make a big splosh.
Don't be facetious,
He's a follower of Jesus
And due for a thorough good wash.

There is a young lady named Kay
Who loved to go shopping all day
She'd keep looking around
Until a bargain she found
And no one dared get in her way.

There is a young lady named Anna
Who just can't stop smiling no matter.
She laughs everyday
With no sign of dismay
As her boys simply love her and hug her.

There was a young couple in Hanwell,
Whose love just couldn't be hid well.
They opened their home,
With never a moan
And ensured their friends were fed well.

There is a young man named Billy
Who can't help but laugh himself silly.
He sniggers and snorts
Gaffaws and contorts
Enough to make him feel dizzy.

There once was a magpie named Abi
Her friends would make her so happy
By leaving around
Shiny things to be found
Whether useful or a tiny bit tacky.

There is a dear lady named Betty
Who is always willing and ready
To sing and to dance
When she's given the chance
And never seems to get sweaty.

There is a young lady called Marsha
Who's German, so whenever you ask her
What type of food
Goes with all kinds of moods
She'll tell you it's a frankfurter.

There is a young pastor named Jason
When he studies his bible he's brazon
He praises and prays
By night and by day
His knees have serious abrasions.

There is a young woman named Amy
Who is more than a little bit brainy
She studies real hard
At home and abroad
But is also a little bit zany.

There is young lady named Tessa
Who loves a good meal and a blether
She studies God's word
Although she prefers
To do so with friends altogether.

I know a pastor named Pete
Whose day is never complete
Until he's concluded
Which quote to include in
His sermon due later that week.

I have a sister named Janet
Who has a wonderful habit
When you need a friend
You can be sure to depend
That she won't get into a panic.

I have a sister named Jenny
Who is always willing and ready
To offer a smile
While cooking with style
I can smell the results already.

I have a sister named Sally
It's hard to keep a clear tally
Of the number of times
She's cheerful and kind
It really makes you feel happy.

begin this life in a wordy
but wordly habit, daily,
father-gifted, though different,
in form and language selected,
‘tis the one and ‘tis the same

tally, a counting combination
of all that has been done, for both
better & worse, blessing/curse,
the key: revamp review reset
this day upcoming and welcome
all the major tasks, minor miracles,
that one can effect,  select, elect!
by choice, a freedom so great it
tenderly rips joy thoroughly into
and from my cells, and my body
is enlightened, uplifted in this,
now a preposition, a conjugation, a

state of composition,

for the tasks given, the granted,
those that must be taken, those most
difficult, when knowing their choice,
entails pain, untempered, and
requires establishing a two edged
position of composure…

this is a hard and an easy
new proposition I create,
hard for I write on a tiny
phone screen, in letters so
small. it keeps me humbled,
a reminder of having
lived a span well
beyond belief,
for one took\gave body a
careless comfort,
giving little
of the differring
kind of nutrition in order
to live life, well and purposed

hard too, for my body has wept,
a steady stream of silent tears.
unceasing as I scribe,
making vision difficult, the
insight salty but clear and the
words contained within them,
flood for easy laying-down

for this AM workout of counting,
lists up and down, so many items,
of differring nature, even now
noticing for the very fitting first time,
the subtle hint within
differring,
for it possesses a doubling
of the enormity, the division
of what has been already
accumulated and what yet,
needs accomplishing, the tally
needy for resolving looking past,
for seeing with yet more tears
fast-as-you-can-forward

the tally never ends, paused only
for a quick question/happy deletion
of, and a resolute immediate, moving on:

Where do I stand,
what is my position?

keep on keeping on,
tallying has no finale,
no sunning/summing up,
for another day
will yet follow,
for you, and
your own
tallying must
goes on, on
and
not even,
nor even,
odd,
when mine,
mine no long,
and the
and yets,
no longer
commence

a new morning huddled
over the small stove set on snow
cold-numbed fingers
fumbled with matches
to light it

coughs punched at a dust rag sky,
the dull rasps
embarrassed near neighbors might hear
how the weak
body heaves, wracks
they'd smell kerosene on hands and clothes
if they came too close

the bent over figure
counts ashes afloat, relics
of fresh disasters wrought high,
loosing tally at one in hope it was the last;
restarts the reckoning -
it might be a tempest this time

fire fed by collections of poems,
old histories of things with no purpose,
expired quickly in overnight darkness
cold, gray their corpses still lay
beyond brushed bricks of the hearth

even a grocery list,
its page neatly erased under flakes,
chases after vapors escaped an empty fuel can,
hunger replaced by craving to be warm again

inside, behind the door
they bow heads and say grace at the table
praying over slices of light from a window
intoning with cotton puff voices
still
God gives tomorrow to continue the counting

(Written to be spoken to babe-y)

When it comes to putting what you are
into words
do you trust yourself?

I understand there are many ways for another to mistake their symbols
for your sound

I've been wrong about more things than I care to count

and I still try to count on all the things up in the air that I haven't nailed down

but my love is so unreal it's getting kind of hard to figure all this unreality out.

Harder than stilling shaky hands from all my mental pacin around

and impossible as that one poem I read to you aloud.
You know the one
 about how heaven and hell
are also just trying to figure each other out.

I can imagine the view
 from up there and believe me
I know my sleeves shouldn't be so ******* filthy

because from this distance and from what I wear, some may confuse 
my heart for the muck

all the love I've tasted with a pinched nose trying to stem disgust

I could never wash any of it away 
but



I should remember

I do remember and recall much

that has made me into someone I love.

Born of dirt and trying to be enough.

Just two in the running tally, 
of my error.

There is no volume control for my daydreams

and there are no knobs for this kind of radio

so when living poetry around the clock

you either you dont like the song 

or your driving foot gets a little heavy and the windows come down.

Faster, faster coming to me faster 
across lines that blur into the trees

that blur into the blues. 

My favorite song,
a kindred color that without

I wouldn't be able to see you

Dancing on the edge of my vision 
blowing bubbles in a see through room

I've made out of the words beauty and grace

glued together with tiny memories of your face.



I remember.



One eye staring from over a pillow full of a moment we'd rather stay awake for.

A tangle of your hair bolting across your cheek I liken to drinking black coffee  

and those electric lips owning the words that almost drown

in the wake of your thunder

but I'm listening

and oh god I hear you. 

Sounding down my spine with lighting striking from your mouth into mine.

Under a storm of blankets and mixed limbs that become the eye

A perfect stillness

a weightlessness

where there's not enough gravity to go around 
for all my weatherfall still there

rain snow and shine stuck hanging mid-air 

you are a timeless weather woman

with no need for percentages

because you give me

what I've always known to be real

that the other forecasts 
predicted only to exist in a halo

eternities chance approaching zero

the circle that's but a fraction of an instance colored in you totally

smothering me slowly in a symphony sparing no noise

impossible to be wrong about

the correct answer

nobody ever told me to jot down

and baby I've been tested

I graduated from broken records

and the bad side of town

from black sheep flocking to 
darkness
with clothes shaven from the light

Top of my class with a degree in acceptance

at a university where we take left and use it to make right.

My friend, these are some heavy credentials 

so I hope you understand the weight 

behind my certainty in your footfall.

I'm some authority on mistakes and heartbreak

so treat me like a scholar 

or a weatherman with forecasts known to account for everything and the decimal.

A dotted i

Hear me place the you in me down to a point

the one I'm making

with all I've ever been wrong about

beckoning us

but never doubt.

Life isnt measured by likes on a post,
Or followers, friends, or tweets.

Life can't be counted by people we meet
Or losses we face.

Life doesnt keep a tally sheet
Marking down our scores.

Life isn't measured by the breaths we take
But it isn't counted by the moments that take our breath away, either

Life can't be drawn out for us, and counted on a graph
It can't be explained or sectioned off into days, months or years

We carve our own paths, and we don't need to count the steps

Because wether you use 0 or 26 letters,
Wether your heart beats 2 or 200 times
We are not numbers, we cannot be counted. We are so much more.

should they sterilize you upon joining up ?
swipe that ability
             when they hand you a rifle ?
maybe they should stable your stability ?
snap up your identity
put it aside for safe keeping ?
file it under 'f' for 'family' or 'forsaken' or 'foreigner'
or 'forgive me'
send you out disconnected
       with a clean bill of obedience  and immorality
and if you make it back  
         you may retrieve those earnings
and then they can turn you loose
      drafted  out  of the military
perhaps then   
after a psych evaluation
  and a tally
    you can reapply
      for your right to fertility?

I'm scared of my imagination.

I hear, see and feel things I shouldn't.
It scares me.

You hear barking, I hear howling.
You hear chair scraping the ground, I hear screaming.
You hear snoring, I hear wailing.
You hear in between radio stations, I hear cackling.
You hear sliding, I hear snakes.
You hear buzzing, I hear a bomb ticking.
You hear church bells, I hear the call for death.
You hear chopping food, I hear execution.
You hear the waves, I hear the drowning of the unknown.

I can't stay in the dark,
It's what I imagine I fear for.
My heart runs for it's life,
But it's stuck in the same cage.
And it's walls are scraped,
With tally of the times it will never get out.

You hear a tap, I hear drowning.
And I am flowing with it. In it.

Shake my head away from the dreams?
It's not as easy as you think.
When they taunt you,
While you sleep,
You dream,
You eat,
Scream.
I do.

It's just a nightmare...
- No it's not.
It's real;
It's my imagination.

Telling me things it shouldn't,
Making me feel things I shouldn't.

The imagery is too much, I cannot see;
Blind.

The wails, howls and screams are getting louder;
Deaf.

I’ve run out of voice,
To speak, to express, to call for help;
Dumb.

They say your imagination cannot hurt you,
Yet I’m screaming, running away from it.
But I can't – it's stuck with me, 'till I die.
Die from the fear of myself?
I will.

My happy shoes shined on him
    ((Sherlock))
The ladies "Joy" locked
The grand one
And the only rare one
Orient Express me
diamond locket (Moon Wee)
The constellation all he

Inside escapades
starry eye clues
In the wax of the candle
  Taking a tour
Madame Tussauds
His beat thousand times
of her hourglass
crystalline sand

Stepping up engraved words
"I Love You" grand slam home run
my freedom to love him back
So I will be (Dawn) set me Grand-don't
slam my door the most expensive
horse-shoe

You got to be like a quicksand
Like the good-luck
Lotto-La La land
((Cinderella)) her Grand
Godmothers washing her floor
Her Grand finale Bella- Bella
Grand Meatballs vacation

High figuration the divination
The grand valuation of my cash diet?

Aim for the sky awe-inspiring
Cry Baby grand piano lordly concession
That's a riot comedy club of Moms
The milky monumental complexions
Robin flies  the Grand Marnier
we are family all International
Take all my ancestors
and first class kins
wipe my business
shoes give me__?

The whole works
"The Shoe Shiner"

The grandest times of sins
But we tweet in other
languages baronial
The grand thousands of human
mind like snowbirds sensational

Beach-homes waterfronts especial
All in variation harmonious
vacationers with their
Blue sky fancy poodles
Eating like birds chow- fun noodles
The Grand Hotel nest or maybe give
peace a chance John at a glance

We love the Floridian Fort Myers
The birds of 'Paradise"
 The flow of our pulse
lovebirds -R- something else
She thinks she is a step up price
Queen of Gracy Kelly

Oh! the hummingbird made
a grand slam harmonious
Go, Mustang Sally, the grand tally
That Grandeur "Red Riding Hood'
The goods her diction lucky night wolf
..... flight taking off pompadour "Rose"

Stepping up with the computer clicker
My mouse students theology
The goals phycology exceptionally grand
Like the statuettes to be kissed the Godly sand

How do we milk the whole cow?
Everything got sacred somehow
Where is our justice we need it now
Throwing white rice "Carolina" is ever finer
at traditional wedding turns dark matter  
How much more to sacrifice?

Oh! fiddlesticks, Christian Louboutin
Oh! Christ or her Manolo Blahnik
designer shoes she is as grand as a beatnik
((Faith)) taking one step passionately
The two terror twins think divinely
Taking the grand finale spiral staircase

Stepping on someone's toes or the
saying anything goes
Are butterflies they really free?
How much time do we have when
we cannot see any more beauty


Or catching fireflies Queen bees honey
Uncle Sam has our money this is the
'United States'.

Oh! No Webmaster, the romance booster
What a grand resister the greatest temptation the lover.

More hugs I will always love my Mother
she brought me into this world I felt grand
we only get one to observe another gifted hand
To be served engaged with each other
Picturesque goldmine
Valentine the plateau
A+ binge that cute chocolate
brown pups living
in the Chateau
The New Jersey ((Coolest Diners))
White china or Wedgewood or Crystals
Is always a grand invitation
Exchanges superb catnaps
you took a bite poison Apple
Meet the new modern
(Snow White) on the website
could see through her sumptuous clicks
Apple of first-class grandest school books

 She got an F for failure
I rather have the totally cool grand lecture

Stepping on someone's lap-(top) by the nook
What a **** "Hell-(Bottom)" he's super grand
but overcooked did we not see to look?
Having the grand finale snow wonderland
of  penguins
  (The North Pole) her gift that's another story
her nails the grand castle like no heaven
on earth glory

Old Meiser's square dancing pole  
How the world treats us and don't you dare
cross me my journey begins

((It's Totally Grand))
"Thousand Islands" with one step pickup your dog litter!!
The  waves so grand on the shiny white pearl sand
The purple rain Prince your divine love for
Passionate purple Irises tall and lean asters.

Oh! Jack in the slot Vegas box
the Philippine dictators' wife, 3,000
shoes embezzled
Whoa Oh! No 10 billion
the women that live in her shoes.
The *** in the City Carrie designer shoes.
The New York state of mind and Rome
3.5 million what a riot?

Her lips will chew to travel like the looper
So clean as mint lotto gum when the
dictators' wife bought 2,000 chewing gum
That is something to be grand about
(UFO) understatement- frilly- outstanding
in her "RV' Robin vitality stepping on victory
Her home the ATM my lordly place
The galloping gourmet in the
Galley the kitchen
The grand trophy ((Hollywood)) wife loves
chef knives LOL

I wonder what she thinks they'll learn tonight
From two blocks off, from lonesome hoot, mad shriek
And metal moan, this blinking ruby eye?
Transport, I guess, a ticket out from bleak
Existences: this boy, this girl, their Mom,
Three sidewalk engineers who've claimed worn seats
To marvel once again where wheels come from,
Who catch trains up in nets of city streets.

"This one's so long!" the young girl shouts. "You're right!"
Mom points through blast and blur. "Just look at all
Those tanker cars!" Her son, in fevered thrall,
Counts loud and hops, to keep his tally true.      

I wonder what she thinks she's shared tonight,
The kids in bed, train gone? Though I'd watched too.

if i were to bread my tongue
with rocoto and cornmeal
and twist to reach the andean soil
my tastebuds long for so many nights
out of the year
olfaction and your left-sinus blockage
would stay cradled
in broken-baguette bread-crust baskets,
a trebuchet's missile,
naïve to the horn of the world,
and brittled to a carcinogenic crisp
caped in my earthenblood geysers
en el humo, en la tierra del fuego
in(fierno)

i recount by the tally marks of black felt
resorted to in the puddling of spilt tea,
(like broken china, you never missed
a beat to correct potential error

and my memory),
i count them to remember
the epiphanies standing over a red faucet
a gallon water jug, whistling snail-trickle,
wishing away the cracks in the grout
or the grout itself,
wishing away the cracks in the pottery
or porcelain facade of which
you're so fond and grace with singing cuticles

the fingers of a pianist
lacking the wherewithal
and solid brick gall
to answer the ivory's summons

i am not a piece of clay,
i respond poorly to your sculpture of my surface,
covered in oxides and baked in
hell's oven, your mountain fire
scathes me as it does cedar resin
and i am similarly embittered,
pooling sap & draining smoke
in the embers and dead charcoal
of your embrace

avant le corps, sans l'âme
sans le corps, avant l'âme

Girl, I love those scars
that branch up and down your arms.
Girl, I see those eyes
that stare daggers and stare knives.

I'll get you to feel again
when you see my fake smile.

I'll get you alive again
at least for a little while.

But at the end of the day
once I've had my way,
I'll leave you just like the last
guy from your horrid past.

Because I don't want to insist,
but I don't care for your happiness.
Because you can't forget once you've learned this,
I only want my name bleeding from your wrist.

I only want to be another tally mark
of scar tissue on your thigh.

I only want to leave you in the dark
and listen to you silently cry.

This dissertation, written by a double-jointed stunt-double
A sentient being
It must take one to know one
Because he found me immediately
We counted the tally marks
Crushed cornflakes on a Kashmir carpet  
We met a paraplegic paralegal  
Whose views we're, for lack of a better word "perpendicular"
We we're entranced by him
He spoke of integrity and the dangers of toxic relationships
And how the service of justice is only so-so
He was enmeshed by contractual obligations and deadlines
He left us with two last pieces of advice
"Talk to yourself often, for you'll surely know best for yourself"
"Forgive yourself, for forgiveness proves strength and admitting your wrongs shows humility"

The stunt-double wrote his paper on this
And I wrote this poem
This occurrence so rarefied yet malleable
      -Tommy Johnson

Waking two hours before dawn,
my young grandson and I,
The old stagecoach Inn was
dark and silent, squeak
of floorboards underfoot the
only discernible sounds.

A crowd of deer bounded away
off the green front lawn as we
sleepily made our way to the truck.

A bright yellow full moon was on
descending ebb, in a star clustered
sky, allowing just enough light,
to light our way by.


The high desert two lane road was
fully deserted, only our headlights
pierced the darkness. Within seconds
they began to appear, darting from
both sides of the narrow road, as if on
a mission, hypnotically attracted to our
headlights I assume.  At 60 miles an hour
almost impossible to miss.
But, god knows I tried. "Thump, Bump!"

"Thump, bump!" Another bunny under my
wheels, swerving not really mattering, miss
one hit two others. Jackrabbits and cottontails,
as if Kamikaze inspired, eight or ten at a time
from both sides of the road darted headlong
trying to cross. Fast as they were some did not
make it.

We stopped counting the carnage near 100 hits,
no way to tally the many we missed.  No joy in
keeping score of the newly departed. By the time
we reached the Alvord Desert, the ride transformed
into a 25 mile surrealistic trip. Who could have
known there could be so many?

Blood on my tires and my soul, I did not intend.

Out on the vast dry white, hard caked, once long
ago lake bed, now desert, we sat watching the new
day's sun rising up from behind the distant eastern
mountains. This quiet inspiring moment having
been our goal of intention.

All the while, I was distracted from the
magnificent scene before us, as I kept
seeing and hearing the repeated echoes of;
"Thump, Bump! Thump, Bump! Oh no,
not another!" In my guilt ridden brain.  
Why they do it I can not say, compelled
perhaps, like moths to a flame.

There is time for thought
During this daily walk
There is no need to achieve
No need to count steps
Or tally blocks or miles or minutes
Leisure is on-deck
Time away from work
Time away from expectations
Time when the only eyes evaluating
The steps, the distance, the pace
Is you

Pressure mounts step by step
Shifting attention from the trees
The falling leaves, the birds,
Returning to self-centered issues
Returning to thoughts that evaluate
Judgments about the past
Become concerns for the future
Has enough been accomplished
Has enough been stored
For what is to come

Current experience happens
Yet passes by
Without appreciation
Without being savored

Being becomes anxiety
Being becomes guilt
Being becomes non-being

The question is repeated
Constantly nagging
“Why is it so hard to become
Aware of the present
And why is it so hard to stay
With the moment?”

Will life be long enough
For one to accept
That this is good-enough
That this moment
Is life and it is good enough
Being here, being now

I don't see what's wrong with my
addictive personality.
the only thing in life that's
restrictive is morality.
we tally these
burning trees
and build the lees
for holding seas,
pretend the knees
inside of me
aren't shaking at the sight.

the alchemy
of how we be
is clear without a light.