"tainted" poems
In time you’ll recover and absolve
push those scorned impressions aside
hammer down the jaded edges
and sing
that delightful commoners song
the one you sang so well
in what seems a lifetime ago
You really had it you know
that fiery disposition and nimble cunning
those butter chords and derelict style
we could see it -- we could all see it
it was all it took to turn the evening tide
(and rile that buck fever)
heads bashing
tongues lambasting
middle fingers high
and raising Cain on those may fly statesmen
There were no rules
when it came to your survival
no textbook rally or common bond
no structured songbird or bravado stage
you either made it, or laid it
“life by the ***** Mr. Poppy would say
a kaleidoscope of dreams
with rich colored imagery
hardened artisan seams
in a carefully woven motif
But something got lost in the needle point
something sinister and distorted took hold
the quirks and street genius
that were your lifeline
gave way to grunts
and squeals
and chilling night crawlers
the colors faded quickly
to a cold confining grey
There was no grace in the new world
no retribution or switch back
no salvation or accorded finale
only edged platforms of blackened steel
that kept you cased
in a silent vanquished cell
shivering cold with fear
night without day
all in the shadow of death
But time heals all
and the polish sneakers
and open sores are long gone
(though the roman nose and shallow cleft remain)
indeed the falconer beat the widow maker
this go around
and I’m hopeful it won’t happen again
and if it does you’ll see me
standing hand on heart
with that old verse in hand:
he ain’t tainted
or silly,
and most certainly
not forgotten…
he ain’t loony
or fixed,
or a product of his self-doing…
he’s just a straight shootin’ guy,
who had the most of it
figured out
Jan 29, 2017
Jan 29, 2017 at 8:38 PM UTC
Our lips have met one another and tasted like liquor. But ones once they turned tasteless and my blood was no longer tainted, the greeting felt natural.
Your hands brushed upon my trembling body and they felt like the first fallen leaves of autumn. So delicate and new.
The words from your mouth felt like butterflies within my body, all over my body.
Your stare feels like a ray of sunlight after a wretched rainstorm, when I ask why you look you reply, "because you're beautiful"
Aug 26, 2014
Aug 26, 2014 at 2:26 AM UTC
this is a tale
of two star-crossed lovers
with a love so powerful
they tainted the heavens
with bursts of colours
they were never meant to be;
mischievous little kids
finding love in sinful glee
in laughter, between dreams and reality
and though it was lawless,
they found solace
because in every prison,
they found a rhyme and a reason
but even for a love so great,
they could not escape
the fates’ wrath and envy
destiny pulled on their threads
cut them loose, thrusted them into misery;
for their memories were wiped clean,
but feelings remained as strong as they had ever been
the boy exiled in a far off land
across the pacific sea
the girl trapped in her need to break free
in a realm both boring and bland
ensnared in a labyrinth of woe
the lovers yearned for anything—
for something, for someone,
to obliterate this endless longing
the gods answered them
in the form of two loved ones
polished in every edge,
a perfect someone
but perfect felt too perfect
and not perfect enough
to fill up the hole
left by a perfectly imperfect
until one day the gods whispered
for the winds to push the two
and the birds to tug at their sleeves
over mountain and sea
even through the darkest valley
so their paths would finally meet
and so they did.
in the flurry of a moment
a pair of brown eyes met
and time was frozen
once more
the two stared intently
as if remembering a broken melody
a lost childhood song
branded as a wrong
the birds fluttered and flew
taking the cursed red fibre
snipped them in two
and the lovers felt all the lighter
it was the girl who spoke first:
**** the stars.
i don’t want perfect,
i want you.”*
eyes dazzling, the boy nodded:
*“we’ll invert the universe—
the night sky a blank white
the stars pitch black
the earth moving in reverse”*
the fates saw and surrendered
as the stars began to wither
for this love is love
in all its splendor
so the lovers walked away with a promise
under their breaths, they both swore:
*“i lost you once,
but nevermore.”*
****
Jan 21, 2018
Jan 21, 2018 at 10:46 PM UTC
I want
To fall in love with someones smile
To swoon under their gaze
To become dizzy with their touch
I want
To crave someone like an addiction
To nestle up to their warmth
To get an adrenaline rush from their scent
I want
To hold them and never let go
To tell them how much I love them everyday
To keep discovering them like it's my personal quest
I want
To give them my heart
To love them for all that they are
To keep them from the tainted world
I want
But what can I do with these contaminated hands?
How dare I try to hold them close with these hands of mine flowing thick with lies?
To tell them sweet nothings with my corrupted tongue?
My love
Is like a wildfire
Sudden, quick, and innocent
Without my permission my little spark turned into a flame
And consumed everything that contained a letter in your name
My love
Is like a wildfire
Untamed, ephemeral, and dangerous
It destroys all it touches,
Breaking barriers, burning bridges
It envelopes everyone in its warmth leaving no option but to run or turn to ash
Beware of my wildfire love
You cannot leave unscathed
I leave a scar
Beware of my wildfire, love
Because I'll burn enough for us both
I'll keep you warm on cold nights and dry on rainy days
I will set your heart ablaze and love you with all the force of my wildfire
Beware of my love,
It can't be forgotten nor replaced
Jul 15, 2018
Jul 15, 2018 at 1:08 AM UTC
sages and brethren
gather, and share
and slowly souls
are bared
their tempered voices
and quiet eyes
reserved of judgment
with passing smiles
moments blend
in current trends
opinions wide
and reflections deep
the concepts
and irregularities
once murky
now clear
they prioritize
and familiarize
that staunch resolution
of generation net
will remunerate
and illuminate
through the checkpoints
and formal reviews
through the purple curtains
and open stage
nothing tainted
or bitter
left for taste
cause its they
who’ll plant the seeds
the captains of commerce
healers and jugglers
the coaches and councilors
negotiators and compromisers
the kings and queens
hustlers and hellcats
(who've all found their way!)
let us tip our hats
and salute them*
Dec 2, 2017
Dec 2, 2017 at 2:05 PM UTC
My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know
People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy
Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me
Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart
I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces
of a love that never was
Oct 8, 2018
Oct 8, 2018 at 7:36 AM UTC
Catapault me into chaos,
I wish to get a little closer.
Your tainted eyes speak to me.
I wish to get to know you,
just a little bit better.
If I can handle it,
I'll stick around and play.
Too much pain is a killjoy.
If it burns too much,
I'll blow out the fire someday.
Criss-crossdresser,
I'm seduced into your submission.
My identity remains in shambles,
I'll see you on the otherside,
as I walk through this transition.
A possible phase,
or a permanent reside?
I am lost in mindless self indulgence.
If I dance in the rain,
I'll no longer have to hide.
An eternal blue flame,
made of youth and spirit.
Love could only feed the madness.
To remain the same,
is something my mind could never inhabit.
So dance, and dance,
and sing the tunes of duality.
I experiment with composure.
And once I find balance,
my dream will be that much closer
Jul 18, 2015
Jul 18, 2015 at 9:28 AM UTC
In his barren room of eternal darkness, you will find her suspended alone in space.
The silhouette that continues to haunt her soul have returned to reveal its obscure face.
Its eyes dazzles with the pure optimism for the uncertainty of what secrets the future has in store,
But her dimly brown stained eyes are plagued by the sadistic knocks of death at her door.
The seemingly gullible and naive entity clings onto an orb that has an effervescent shine,
This radiant glow, beckons for my soul to remember, to remember that it was once mine.
What is the reason for my once pure light to turn into the blacken, tainted soul that lies within me?
Is it waiting for the completion of my quest to find my hidden euphoria to be finally be set free?
Its voice sings to my inner demons, tugging at my existence like a synchronized team.
But the painful reality of life has taught me that happiness is nothing but a just forgotten dream.
Feb 15, 2012
Feb 15, 2012 at 2:59 AM UTC
whatever you do
dare not to stare
they will take you places
do not be willing
to go there
they are tainted
they will ruin you
right from the start
cover your body
protect your heart
puppy dog eyes
bedroom glares
never fall captive
to scorpio or pisces
no matter who dares
Apr 4, 2014
Apr 4, 2014 at 5:07 PM UTC
Went to my ancestor's home on a Spring season that year..
On a Holi day in the land of Chanchadari
A peaceful morning in Hoshiarpur, the doors to Himalaya
Happy Holli day!! The kids shout with cheer
Holi Hai! Holi Hai! Lets play Holi!!!
He woke up early morning that day..
With a bucket of colored water waiting for me
I stepped outside my grandpa's door
In a split second I was soaked in a coloured water…
From head to toes… red, orange, yellow, purple… the colors of Holi…
Ohh It's a Hoi Hai day alright…
Lets play Holi … Lets play Holi..
Hails spring with ecstasy and joy!
The trees smile with their sprout
of tender leaves and blooming flowers,
The land of beauty and greatness,
India, witnessing color of happiness and peace.
Nation come alive to enjoy the spirit
A celebration of color- Holi!
An experience of content, harmony and delight.
Holi colors of red, green, yellow and countless.
A day's canvas - a riot of colors.
Lively crowd running, dancing, playing
Rainbow of colors, Lets play Holi and splish and splash!!
Lets play with the frenzy colors .. play on Holi Hai day….
I am dreaming of playing with colors with you
It is the Holi celebration after all.
I can't play inside my home, the carpets will get tainted,
I cant' play it in the yard, the grass and outer walls will get painted.
I thought I would go to the secret garden of ours,
and play with you Holi hai day …
It's a colourful day just you and me..
In love on Holi Hai day…. Lets play Holi..
May 20, 2013
May 20, 2013 at 2:35 AM UTC
I walk into the mirror box again and it’s as if my life
really is just an extension of my own metaphors.
I’m caught in the mirror maze, searching for something
in the mirrors at angles, but all I can see is myself,
my sad, stupid self, stretching on and on forever
with the same boring face, the same boring feelings,
again and again until I stop being able to make out the details.
Am I looking back at myself or am I looking forwards to the future?
Will it always be the same or has it merely been
the same since forever? I stare into the mirror tunnel
at all these selves repeating themselves,
forcing the years, the weeks, the days into the same strict patterns,
merely following the self that came before them, merely mirroring
the feelings, only doing it worse and worse with each new rendition.
It’s just me, I think, *in the mirror box, caught up in myself
because I am selfish and horrible.* I’m selfish and horrible
and I want to turn my back on myself but
how can I possibly do that in the mirror box?
I meet myself over and over, and it’s just me,
in all this vast, repetitive vagueness, just me in
this long stretch of lonely unsettledness that surely doesn’t end.
I want to smash my own face in, so I close my eyes
and try to think, maybe, maybe, maybe, because I don’t
want to be this grey-cloud self forever. I can’t be, and so maybe,
just maybe, somewhere beyond all these selves
there’ll be a day when I’m down on the shore
and the sea will be calm and the sky will be
faded purple. Love will not sink down into nothingness
because in the cool evening air, my heart will be full
instead of gaping and my mind will be at ease
instead dwelling on it’s own boringness
or entangling itself in own self-created sadness.
And maybe, I’ll have abandoned my book
and its pages will be dry because I won’t have been crying into it.
They’ll be no mirrors, just the ocean,
glinting like an amethyst cluster in the half light
and I’ll rest my head on the shoulder of the girlfriend
I'll meet someday and I’ll smile in this beautiful liminal moment
and nothing will be tainted by the dread of returning home.
We’ll kiss – on the shore – and rewrite it forever and
maybe the stars will fall out of the sky when I shake it and
all my trains will run on time and all the wounds
in the world will heal simultaneously.
It’s a moment surely stolen from someone else’s poetry,
but I’ve got to cling to something to avoid becoming
lost entirely in all this dark, intangible vagueness.
There’s got to be at least one imaginary moment
that isn’t just me, reflected over and over.
There’s got to be one moment that doesn’t stare
back at me from inside the mirror box.
Jul 27, 2018
Jul 27, 2018 at 5:15 PM UTC
Rise and shine, first thing in the morning walking past the mirror.
Avoiding its reflection, not wanting to see its reflective picture.
Kneeling in the shower, hands pressed tightly to her ribs.
Who is this frightened child? Does she even exist?
She took a step back from the world, no one knew she was alive.
Now she’s grasping at her life, just trying to survive.
A tainted childhood in shame now fragile bones from self abuse,
don’t blame her though, she was only a child confused.
How did this happen? When did this begin?
She seemed so happy, or was that all pretend?
She had started at 130, or so,
but felt as if she had lost control.
What happened to this dear sweet innocent child?
Her idea of beauty and perfection had driven her wild.
Minus 25 later she was so close.
Almost 100 without any clothes.
No one would touch her, they thought she would break.
She told herself she was content with that trade.
I was 18.
~
I’m much better now in my adult discipline
eating healthy 3 meals a day purely for consumption.
Yesterday, I skipped dinner in lieu of drinking wine.
Today at noon, hovering over my breakfast, I resign
Some days I struggle. Some days I am not fine.
But ...
I will eat my breakfast, lunch and dinner.
And paint my pretty pictures.
Nov 9, 2017
Nov 9, 2017 at 2:01 PM UTC
Let me tell you a secret nobody knows
I'm insecure, I hate myself, I don't see myself pretty, I'm a mess
Mess up in the head
Standing in front of you, my mind keeps on running and running and running away
From logic and reason I wish I have now
I'm under this great pressure I made myself
I can't lift it up, it just keep on, in on, in on crashing every faith in myself
and chain every part of me
Blinding my eyes
Sealing my mouth
Killing me slowly inside
And I can't breath seeing my reflection in the mirror
I'm sick of it
I keep on saying, I keep on screaming
I keep on crying, I keep on wishing
I keep on praying to be like them
but even the shooting star can't change that
How do you run from what's in your head?
I can't free myself from my insecurities
I'm embarrassed, I've become a mess, I've become a hater
It keeps on destroying myself inside
and I can't take it out of my mind
Every second, every minute, every moment of my life
Is slowly becoming something my jealousy made
I started to hate myself
I started to hate the people I'm jealous of
Because I want to be like them
Pretty, Confident, Intelligent, Proud and Shinning
Everything I ever wanted, but I can never be like them, I can never be them
I'm like an unfit puzzle piece of the society I want to fit in
My jealousy, my insecurities made me into someone I despise
Hatred for myself runs in my veins
Everything I stand for just disappeared into the oblivion
like bubbles disappearing into the thin air
And I'm becoming trap in my own twisted world without realizing it
As it drowns me, pulling me with its current to the darkness of my tainted mind
Its just a matter of time I might breakdown
Everyday I keep on telling myself be strong, be strong, be strong
stop being insecure, but I don't have the strength to do it
I don't have the courage to tell it to my friends, to my family
I'm dying inside- I want them to see through me
and when I lie - I'm fine they'll believe it without a doubt
I want to share it to the world, but I can't help myself to lie, to push everyone away - I've become a fool
I know it sounds crazy, I myself don't know why
I just want people to realize I need help without me telling them
I want them to save me from my own tainted mind full of insecurities
I want you to save me from my own tainted mind full of insecurities
Can you do it?
Because I can't.
Aug 5, 2018
Aug 5, 2018 at 2:55 AM UTC
Lost Love
He remembers that day
many sad years ago
it was sunny out,
but soon a storm raged.
He returned home early
from work,
eager
to rest and nurse a cold.
Eager
to see his gorgeous wife
fix him a delicious soup
and give loving care,
a remedy not.
He caught a surprise.
Was it then a hallucination?
To see her ex's car
in front of their house,
fanning the flames in his heart?
Or to imagine the house shaking,
or to hear love noises howling
from the rafters of contempt,
as her fireplace warmed tempest.
He sure hoped then... it had been a misfire
it wasn't.
He slowly opened the front door,
walking decrepit and sad,
like he was in hospice care.
He could see the final script
playing out,
more so the tragic ending
the trail of clothes,
her ex-boyfriend's scent,
calamity,
and approaching closer
the devil speaking louder.
He opened the bedroom door
to their parts caught in honey jars
and scarlet red on his tainted wife
over bed sheets of shame.
Their eyes catch,
both flush, and tearful,
as breathing stopped,
his melancholy eyes asking why?
Why?
What about the future lily pods,
our family, house, kids
... and you sell out.
What about being fresh
out of college with our dreams,
passion and honor...us.
What about the bonds,
pinky swears, pricking of blood
marital vows.
Her eyes had no answers.
She cried, loudest
as her ex-boyfriend bolted
not before passing the mill.
He closed her door for good
that mournful day,
dismissing darkness,
opening his wrath for her
in his mind, yet
what words or light can be exchanged?
Uprooted and lost, he walked
scarred over and over
by her promise and lost love.
That was thirty years ago
and he still walks with her
ghosts, and it still pains.
LR-5/4/17
May 4, 2017
May 4, 2017 at 11:31 PM UTC
The soil brings forth precious gifts, not tainted by mankind
But we choose to poison them, to me that is a crime
Anything is justified when profit is involved
But food should not be business because food is life for all
Faster, cheaper, longer lasting; all these things sound great
But the truth is most of what we eat is far from food and fake
Jan 28, 2016
Jan 28, 2016 at 1:40 PM UTC
Sometimes I feel
like a useless mass of space matter
Clumped together by ideas long ago tainted
I just do not understand
How the universe could be so against me
when I am the universe
Jul 2, 2016
Jul 2, 2016 at 10:05 PM UTC
Truth
Everyone seeks it
Yet people scarcely
Use it
It is manipulated
Distorted
Tainted
By the world we
Call
Home
s.a.m.
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 7:48 PM UTC
So the day I say I'm done,and finished with it all..
Was the same day that the house of cards I built began to fall,
Karma huffed and puffed and blew it all away,
Whether i deserved it or not? well its hard to say,
I need to take it easy but im living life the harder way ,
Living life day to day - there's gotta be a better way,
Love Drunk from the potions from Amy's wine house ,
I sobered up but it was only to find out -
Your lion-like roars turned to Microsoft words,
I was in my own word - she was in hers,
No, I'm not modest and dishonesty's a problem for my nerves,
Approach the point of no return? We def on the verge,
Better yet the brink, and to think, our past you rubbed away -
Washed down the metaphorical sink,
And now all sounds of trouble power point to YOU,
My mind is now tainted, as you are in my point of view,
I'd hate to break the glue we used to make the news,
But i have to go away from you - Later boo..
Dec 15, 2023
Dec 15, 2023 at 2:37 PM UTC
he would sit in his room
and draw space ships
that could only be described
as something from star wars
or star trek
and he'd do geometry on the floor
his school books scattered
and punk music
would be playing on his
boom box
game informers stacked high
in tens and twenties
all over his bookcase
cozy against star wars
and hardy boys
the wood frame bed
simple and pure
until tainted by a name
of his first love
scratched in with passion
and heartbreak
he lied quite often
and was a sore loser
his mood usually consisted of
being short fused
and even more short fused
and then he moved
left for good
not visiting for another three years
and then three more after that
each time
he gets older
and less of the thirteen year old
i had known
when he lived
at home
Oct 30, 2012
Oct 30, 2012 at 6:53 PM UTC
Your eyes were like a sunflower
Comparable in beauty
With colors patterned
In the shape and design
Your eyes were like a sunflower
They drew me in
And swallowed me
Down into your heart where I'll be fine, I'll be fine
And my eyes were like a sunflower
Just like yours
But different in color
Contracting and eating your existence
This moment I cherish
Because your eyes hold so many secrets and
In that second of gaze connected by a line
I could see them all clearly without rose tint
I've taken off my pink hued glasses and
I see the world through clear thin glass
See it for what it is
Through your sunflower eyes
Fingerprints litter the glass
Making it difficult to see through to it's beauty
Tainted by past hands
Even without the rose applied
Will we ever see the world for what it is?
Maybe
If we look through sunflower eyes
Feb 5, 2011
Feb 5, 2011 at 3:19 PM UTC
With the peak of spring in the month of May
In the early hours of a pleasantly sunlit day
Two kids sat cuddled on a swing
Feeling as though they were taking on wing
Swinging in the air, they began to sing
Their sweet lay breaking the silence with its ring
They kicked their legs in rising delight
And felt like thistledowns ever so light
Up and down on the swing was fun
They closed their eyes on being face to face with the sun
Felt the swish and sway of the buoyant air
And knew the light tug of breeze on their curly hair
As the air got caught in the frills of their frock
Their eyes gleamed bright in delightful spark
Imagining themselves to be astronauts in space,
An ebullient excitement lit up their face
From a raised angle, they saw the Earth in green folds lie
Watched the surrounding hills standing awfully high
Saw a small stream flowing as a slow moving train
With trees lined up on its banks in unbroken chain
Longingly I watched these children free of all worry and pain
Also their aerial feats, not tainted by any melancholy stain
How I miss these childhood days of innocent fun
As my hours, towards the sunset, quickly run
May 6, 2016
May 6, 2016 at 12:38 PM UTC
Our mortal sins and fatal flaws,
our selfishness for "the better cause".
Our greed, our envy and lust,
our desire for acceptance, our ignorant trust.
Our broken promises and tainted lies,
the human race, the smog filled skies.
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 3:54 PM UTC
#his eyes are warm, a hazel brown
upon his head the devil’s crown
hell's fire reveals his true intention
it's why the lord refused his ascension
his lust it flickers, a candle in the storm
mine burns for him, undying, unnerving
he doesn't love me
he never will
but oh he's a man when he grips my thigh
he spreads me open and makes me sigh
asserting dominance he whispers sin
i cry for god but my voice runs thin
he's had his ***** way with me
I'm tainted, ruined, marked and done
he's finished with me, had his fun
yet
sometimes in my wildest dreams
I yearn for him and that wicked gleam.
Jul 18, 2018
Jul 18, 2018 at 3:50 PM UTC
cheap liquor to ya head ya drain the substance from the bottle
With them Vicky secrets on ya body’s lookin like model
With your mind going numb its gettin so easy to swallow
all them medals on the wall were gold plated and hollow
Daddy lil princess raised inside an ivory tower
Prince charming showed up and he amazed you with his power
You gave him all your treasures he was gone within the hour
Now the sweet lies that he told got your mouth tasting sour
You singing Mirrior mirror on the wall
Who's the most tainted of them all
Your lipsticks smeared and mascara's faded
Any price to feel love baby girl you know you paid it
I met you one night and I tried to ease ya pain
But you won't touch my black skin in fear it leaves a stain
On that pretty Prada dress thats hanging off ya frame
Crown of amethyst polluting your brain
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 8:15 PM UTC