"suppost" poems
I look in the mirror
What do I see?
Wrinkly woman
Staring strait back at me
Her eyes have bags
She hasent slept in weeks
Her hair all white
White as snow
Her eyes wide like a child's first hope
She looks at me
Puts her and on the mirror
"Dadda?" She asks
" no I'm not your father"
"Dadda?"
" I don't know where he is.."
"Dadda?!" She starts to freak out
" I'm not your father!"
"Dadda!!"
"I DONT KNOW WHERE HE IS! I DONT KNOW WHERE HE WENT! HE LEFT US OK! HE LEFT us.."
She turns her head and looks at me
"Why?" She asks
I tell her" I don't know!"
She points to the watch on her wrist
"He only gives you those so you can count down the minuts to see him! It's not worth it! Every year it's longer and longer, and soon he will walk right out of your life!"
"Dadda is suppost to come! I want to play!"
I look at her, reach out and touch her hair
"The only game our father plays is hide and go seek except we give up looking and waiting for him"
"But I've been waiting since I was three!"
" and now your eighty! Don't you see? Go get sleep or find some friends! You will find other love, it's just as good."
"Don't lie to me!" She demands in a deep voice. Her eyes full of hate!
"No don't do that! You don't deserve all that hate !"
" nothing is as good as a fathers love! Not a date, a true boyfriend NOTHING!"
"How do you know ? We have never had a fathers love!"
" but you see it around you. Then you give up and try boy love."
"Don't say that!"
"You know it's true the only reason you date boys is to find some love for you! You seek attention and kisses and hugs! So you feel someone truly cares and loves! Your pathetic trying to wait! Pretending to love him every holiday ! "
"SHUT UP SHUT UP!!" I say and punch the mirror
"Why don't you make me! You pathetic slime You can't enjoy Christmas *** he's gone mine !"
I stood up and stare her in the eyes. "No one owns me or tells me what to do!"
"Oh I'm so scared!"
"Yes yes you are ! Your scared of never being enough! Your scared that if your not pretty! You'll die and he won't give a **** Your scared that you will loose him! Your scared no one will care! Well guess what buddyriend and family that care !"
"Why don't you sleep it off? And wait for him to care?"
"IM DONE SLEEPING AND WAITING FOR HIM !" I reach in and grab her by the throught. "AND IM DONE LISTENING TO YOU!"
I turn her neck till the mirror shatters
The glass breaks
my hand blead
I sit and cry like nothing mattered
I look at one of the pieces on the ground in front of me. It's a little girl only about age 3.
"Thank you" she says and curtsys and disinagrates away.
I sit and cry. Tears of joy
Nothing is more blissful then freedom
Even more then a boy.
Apr 8, 2014
Apr 8, 2014 at 7:15 AM UTC
It was almost midnight and I was finally going to do it, **** myself. I prepared the note apologizing because that's how your suppost to write those things right? As I hung the rope up high, all these thoughts ran through my head, memories of us hit me like a train all at once, as the rope got tighter and tighter, This weird thought came into my head, that there was a chance me and you getting back together, and in that moment everything stopped, as I was breaths away from my last I got the rope down, I was down on the floor gasping for air, thinking I was almost dead, but you saved me. Only one thought. It was You.
Nov 5, 2015
Nov 5, 2015 at 12:51 AM UTC
ITS ALMOST AS IF UR MY DARK KNIGHT
AND MAYBE UR THE ONE TO SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET
AND MAYBE DEEP DOWN INSIDE IVE ALWAYS KNOWN IT COULD BE
MAYBE IM STEADY JUST 2 STUCK ON THE FACT THAT I CAN GET SO COMFORTABLE
IN YA ARMS
PROTECTED BY A STRONG
KNIGHT WITH A BRIGHT SHINY ARMER
AND AS THE STARS REFLECT IN UR EYES I JUMP UP 2 THE SKY
WANTING 2 SEE HOW IT LOOKS EACH AND EVERYTIME
ALWAYS KNOWN U
BUT I NEVER TOOK THE TIME 2 GET 2 KNOW U
AND ITS STRANGE HOW YOU CAN SIT ME ON YOUR HORSE
AND TAKE ME AWAY INTO MY DREAMS
FEELING FEELINGS I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT
AND KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT THEY MEAN
SO I JUST SIT BEHIND U
RUNNING INTO A FAIRYTALE
AN ENCHANTED LAND
BYING PASS ALL THE SANDS THAT ARE QUICK
FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER WE GO
DUCKING AND DODGING THE GHOST OF THE PATHS
I GRAB U CLOSER 2 ME
THE WIND BLOWS VICIOUSLY
BUT I CAN STILL FEEL EACH AND EVERY INCH
OF UR BODY HEAT
JUST 2 HOLD U AND CLOSE MY EYES
PURE ******
THE WIND CONTINUES 2 BLOW
AND THE LEAVES STILL AT FLUTTER
U STOP.... AND KISS MY FOREHEAD
SO I STAND AND ALLOW U 2 DO IT
AND IT ALL FEELS LIKE A TRICK
BUT WHAT IT REALLY IS...
ITS JUST THE SIMPLE FACT THAT MY
FOREHEAD IS NOT USED TO THIS
NEVER HAVE I EVER BEEN TOUCHED SO GENTLY
GOT ME ALL TWISTED MENTALLY
SHOULD OF BEEN TREATED THIS WAY ORIGINALLY
DAM SO MANY THOUGHTS RUNING SWIFTLY
AROUND MY HEAD
MY STOMACH ONCE RUMMBLED OF HUNGRY
BUT HOW ARE U SUPPOST TO FEEL ONCE IT GETS FEED?
IM BEAUTIFUL U SAY
AND I WISH THAT AT THAT MOMENT I WAS ABLE TO THINK FAST ENOUGH 2 SAY U 2
AND IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE
I LOST U
.
Oct 9, 2012
Oct 9, 2012 at 12:40 AM UTC
Life can be so linear, but sometimes life isn't so easy, yeah sometimes it gets shaken. Yeah, life isn't suppost to be so simple and easy, it has to get a little shaken up, it's suppost to be crazy. Life isn't fair, but that's what makes life interesting, it's what makes us who we are. We may not be a superstar, but we are who we are, and that's what really matters. We all need a little something, once you find that something, then life seems to be linear. That's only because you aren't focusing on how unlinear life is because you found that something that makes life worth living.
Jul 27, 2014
Jul 27, 2014 at 7:52 PM UTC
My life consist of complex inginueity striving to be original but molding to the harshness of what the world is doing to me. Am i wrong for contemplating my lifes decisions. Because this isnt the way things where suppost to come out in my own depiction on the out come of my life. Maybe its my thoughts that are making me insane since i constanly think all i am is trash but theres a saying one persons trash is another treasure not sure if weather to believe it or not because woman come and go i just dont measure up to the dream guy. Maybe its my icebox heart that lets them see the coldness in my eyes gazing into theres filling false hopes of prosper and love each seem to be lies. Just to watch them break down in tears with no remorse when i see them cry since id rather not catch feelings being to scared to see where true love coulf take me honestly i dont know why. Im screaming in rage from the inside like im traped in a four corner room staring at walls hyperventilating unable to get out im balled up feeling trapped im at a loss. Maybe you the reader cant understand what i mean maybe you can i feel like my life has been a bunch of ups and downs more downs then ups i was just a accidental nut that swam into the womb since my fathers pull out game wasnt fast enough now im stuck with the harsh reality of a cold world that beats me down after i get back up when will enough be enough maybe i need to find love and stop trying to hide the void wheres my diamond in the rough maybe I'm thinking again to much enough is enough
Jan 21, 2017
Jan 21, 2017 at 9:57 AM UTC
you and me....we were so close
father like daughter, the bestest of friends.
you were my savior, you taught me about Jesus, you used to read me the bible every night to me..
you deliverd me to Christ and prayed the prayer of salvation with me, and i was saved.
but see then you stopped coming home, and when you did, you were always drunk!
hitting my mom, pushing me around. i guess things got a little to heavy for you...
see, i wish i knew it was alchohal, i wish i knew that wasent my daddy, that would hurt me... but i didnt!
so i hide from you, under my bed, clenching on to my blanky cause you and mama were screaming...always fighting.
i didnt know what to do!!
what happens when the one you were suppost to look up to, wasent there. what if they started changing?
ever since i was little all i wanted to do was follow in your foot steps... i only wanted to be just like you . play piano like you did, walk/ talk like you did, be Christ like you did, but now....?you were so angry at me, so drunk...you hated God, i even thought you hated me, so i did too... then you left me and mama at home not knowing what to do...not knowing where you were, where you went. i hated myself, because my own father hated me! you probably didn't know that, did you... probably didn't know that Ive wanted and to commit suicide ... and i wouldent be here, if my mom and my friends hadent caught me... I NEEDED YOU THEN! .... dad, i needed you to show me that God didnt hate me, that he set me out to be a woman of God. That identity isnt about fitting in, or being so perfect all the time. since i didnt have you in my life i was always fighting for approval because i felt like when you left, you hated me, that i wasent good enough to be called your daughter. i wish i would have known its okay to make mistakes sometimes... i wish i would have known about controlling my anger, and to have respect for my leaders.... i wish i would have known that i could stand up for myself, but i didnt... i didnt know that i was important. important enough to not hurt myself. that i was made for more... so i had to figure that out for myself! after years of hating God and YOu, i had to figure out what a fool i was and that i really didnt have to let people abuse and mock me... that i could havve stopped that! i wish i knew that when i was threatend to be killed, i could have called out for help, i could have told someone.... but you stood back...behind the lines. i thought i lost you...
Apr 17, 2013
Apr 17, 2013 at 12:17 AM UTC
You were my everything.
Everything that is now nothing.
You were my every minute in every hour and I wanted to spend it all with you.
All of it just to be near you.
You were the "L" to my "ove"
The light to my sky
The diomond to my ring the voice that I sing
You
Were
Everything....
And I lost you...
All because of some stupid mistakes.
Some stupid mistakes that caused us to part are ways an now we don't even speak... Anymore.
The only word I SPEAK anymore is lonelyness and longing..
Longing for you to even care alittle bit.
Just enough to even look me in the eyes.
Just enough to remember how you and me used to be.
And I know you remember.
Because no matter how hard you try you can't erase me.
In every woman that you sleep with you'll remember me because you'll remember where I am suppost to be.
In every memory that you make I know you remember ours because you can't forget me.
I was your one and only
And you were and stil are all of mine.
Because you are my everything.
I used to say alittle time is all it takes.
Just a few nights with the girls is all I need.
But I still cry everytime I look in the mirror an only see me....
That empty space is where YOU are suppost to BE.
....but your not here and I'm here just trying to cover up all these tears from falling any closer to my chest making sure my parents don't hear because I want to look my best...
I know it's gotta be killing you because it's killing me.
If only it was. But it's not.
I hate that I love you.
I hate that every time I think, a thought always brings me back to you.
I hate that every time I dream your in it
Every time I make a memory you're not in it.
And everytime I want anything to do with you I can't be in it....
God **** Hopeless relationships.
Aug 7, 2013
Aug 7, 2013 at 11:45 PM UTC
Love can be something beautiful,
Where a friendship is built,
Happiness...
It can be painful,
Hurt you and broke you in peaces.~
But people can turn loneliness into love..
Once and for all.
Because love can chance everything.
Can make people smile, sympathy with all.
Bodies can collapse in one body.
Our hearts is on fire.
Is a constant repetition...
So lets things and make a question what is suppost make with them?
Cuz we can do lots of things with this wonderfull passion.
-d.a
Jun 25, 2016
Jun 25, 2016 at 2:22 PM UTC
Things seemed to be fixed,
they were set in stone.
But now everything been mixed,
and I'm here all alone.
Your actions confuse me,
How am I suppost to react?
When all you seem to want to see,
is me "intact".
My act seems to work,
you don't question my words.
I'm going beserk,
and insanity is what I'm leaning towards.
I'm starting to lose sight,
of how things once were.
I know how we would fight,
but our love was the cure.
Things sure have changed,
in the shortest of time.
Now life is so strange,
now that you're not mine..
Nov 10, 2010
Nov 10, 2010 at 5:30 PM UTC
Only the strongest could crack it, but even the weakest of minds could succedd too.
One turn was all it took- to open a door that should be locked; to hold a secret.
Cold and hard, paired with that of only one to match.This could be copied, for good or evil.
Always there when you wish they werent, even the papaerclip never works no more.
All are fallen by it, only the strongest force through.
The weakest of strength are the strongest in mind, could break through after some tweeking.
Secrets are hidden behind it, the things you arent suppost to see.
WHAT AM I LOOKING AT?
YOU DECIDE
Dec 11, 2009
Dec 11, 2009 at 5:00 AM UTC
Bound connection
unspoken love
you cant even say i love you!
not even to your own daughter
the one im suppost to be able to trust with my heart
but i cant even speak to you,
without having to pay a price
they say everything happens for a reason...
well if everything happens for a reason,
what is the reason for this?
Mar 6, 2013
Mar 6, 2013 at 11:30 PM UTC
loneliness, darkness, closed doors that have been locked, hiding reality. Loneliness, depression, no end in site, hiding all things that we're suppost to see. But your never alone, that is the truth, you just have to step outside your box. Don't worry about other people, or your own thoughts. I once was deep and dark like you, then I walked into the light, my life has become a lot better. Just try, cause you never know
Aug 19, 2014
Aug 19, 2014 at 5:50 PM UTC
Your approval in ***** situations
the constant complications
between you
between me
between God
living a lie
making it by
with no self respect
I needed your attention
Your constant supervision
to make me feel special
because you were my motivation
my self worth came from you
and what you wanted me to do
but i cant live the lie
that got me by
because the lie that got me by was dry
and worthless
but now,
I can generate it myself
our 'break' gave you temporary pleasure
with the girl who could give you what you wanted
our 'break' gave me eternal understanding
of the demanding
branding
crash landing
reationship that took over my life
I was not strong enough
to see past your penatrating words
that sunk into my heart
'its my fault'
'this is normal'
'im not suppost to care'
care about the **** you put me through
you twisted my life to mold yours.
now your mold is hollow.
So heres just a little thank you.
thank you for showing me how wrong everything was
and giving me the self worth of ****
so i could grow the strength
to accept myself.
i accept myself
long lasting.
The worst part is that you dont see any flaw.
You think your perfect?
you will always be a ****
you will always be vile
you will always be a boy
with a temporary smile
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 4:14 PM UTC
You left me with two answers, to ethier
Give up or move on
I didn't want to choose
But I couldn't just leave it unanswered
So say I picked the first one, giving up.
I give up and drop everything making it seem like you were never a part of me, when really you were everything. I have to pretend like you didn't matter to me, like I never really wanted to be with you, But you're all I wanted.
Or say I pick moving on. The next boy comes along and all I can think about is you. It's not suppost to be like this it was suppost to be you, But wait, You moved on before me. Then I realized there was three answers, You never loved me.
Oct 29, 2015
Oct 29, 2015 at 2:27 PM UTC
why dads?
Men, or should we even call them that. So many of them diseased, they cheat, steal, ****** **** and betray anything that breaths. Their are good one's out their but they usually die young, or they are married, etc. Fathers are the one's that usually abandon their kids once they leave their soon to be ex-wife for some other women. Men are suppost to be the authority figures but they abuse that power. They start wars that are pointless, they thrive on greed that will get them no where when they are close to death. Why is the world so cruel, well you don't have to look to far to know the answer. When I grow up I will not become this disease, I will not keep the pattern going any longer, cause it's time for someone to be a man, might as well be me.
Aug 4, 2014
Aug 4, 2014 at 11:38 AM UTC
Why why did you have to die
Losing you was the most painful things
Crying over once happy memories
forever holding onto the **** you left behind
I lost hope long ago
Thinking of you brings more tears to my eyes than a new born child
When you died
When I saw your casket I wanted to go with you
You ******* you promised to live a good life
I couldn’t accept it even if I tried
I miss you I miss talking to you I miss how you smiled even though life through so much stuff at you
And even though life ****** you kept your head up
You were suppost to do big things , we were suppost to grow up together
You were suppost to be here when I cried to tell me everything will be ok
Well now its not the same and I cant stop crying
You were smart, you understood me ,
Talked with you almost every night for hours on end
im on edge and try to call you out of habit
but the phones been disconnected
And I punch a wall until my hand starts to bleed because I cant take the agony of being the one left behind
You ******* what about the people you left behind to cry
Your voice is ingrained into my head every day like a broken record
I feel like you purposely gave me a scar so I could never forget you
We never once had a bad time between us , and I regret nothing ive said to you but it still hurts
I should just die because I cant go on without you
Im left all alone
Mar 17, 2015
Mar 17, 2015 at 10:25 PM UTC
I wish you had to have joy
Like how you have to slap kids on the wrist
Like how the sun has to rise
Like how the clouds have to ****
I wish that people could see
How pretty ugly could be..
I wish that people would grow
And let love nurture their souls..
suppost to be easy..
Suppost to be fun..
At first its like love
is luring you in..
As if its a trap..
it doesn't make sense..
Why can't we love
but keep all our sense..
Aug 25, 2015
Aug 25, 2015 at 3:14 AM UTC