I'm a tiny twig flowing in a River

Its flow, mighty, powerful, turbulent
I make futile attempts to make my own way
But it's the forces of nature that determine my path
Pushing me, Pulling me at its whim
And yet I have this notion of Destiny
Of a greater calling
A belief or rather a hope for finding
the true purpose for my existence
Perhaps a twig would change the flow of a River
And Perhaps the whole story wouldn't sound as absurd as its pitiful summarization
Yet, nothing is more true, more tangible,
more persistent, more disheartening
than the fact that

I'm a tiny twig flowing in a River

Formality is exhausting but can be rewarding
   No cars allowed on the street when I am passing
   Brief summarization of each step on this walk
   No that's what I call a toothache

The come down comes in slow like the last dance.
So we grasp our hands and pray like were being let down into unknown liquids.
But mines perfect weather, in an overcast globe.
So I come down and look around, to recognize nothing.
The idea s that I tried to portray fell on deaf ears and eager hands.
So now I’m a sham and the rest of the worlds sitting on a pretty brass with a hollow carcass.
I can’t do anything but watch my words roll around like red carpets into newer venues.
And me
I’ll just take what was yours and call it mine
the me that is the thief
in the night.
10,000
Is the summarization
And the number is more important  than the words
Because we’re all thinking to a minimum, life’s an assignment
And as every hinge comes undone
Down and down
Further down we must go.
Until  I’m the truth
Until you’re right
Until I see what it is.

Becoming my exclamation points, overused.
Re-hashed, copy, print, stamp, autograph.
Till it’s passed around like a cheap drug
And my come down is a wakeup call .
To make me wise that I hadn’t created something for myself.
But a pamphlet to measure yourself. A standardized test.
I must have ****** up.
Until I crash into the ground.
Or I could deploy a parachute, but I need to see these ants. So I’m falling straight into the farm on my dresser.
And it’s not like an assassination.
I just fell on 100 bullets. Let the janitor clean me up.
I tried to do something great with clay.
And I did
And for that I can’t ever take myself seriously again.

The come down left shivers in my bones and every synapse sunk so deep into a dim pulse that I forgot how to breathe.

let startle inlight, if not so lifted
in peregrination, a lavish seeing.

two eyes are worlds in
tippling axis.

taking deaths,  a wreath would a candle,
a prayer would a body thumbed down
to wisdom our backbones break.

to see    death    like a rush of flowers.
great the sight of such illumination.

swiftly going to god's dark behemoth,
  metaphysics of bone clenched—
   darkling like obsidian

a complexing fault of road
     as the same vein of Earth aspirates
       the wind — whose exigent fire
  cleaned her bones back to
     pulchritude: her face a diamond
     in the rough — never to speak
  yet to clamber with summarization,
    realness and revelations of roses.

I lay on you, and breathe in the smell
Of your hair, feel the small vibrations
Of your laugh resonating the soft felt pews.
I tell myself I will remember this forever,
So when I miss you, I can still feel you.
The mood grows serious,
The vibrations of your voice shrink down
To a whisper, and crumble
Like rocks beneath a hammer.
"When I die," you say,
Fleeing every so called good feeling felt
Away from this place.
"You're going to get bear,
But I can't tell you what you're getting yet."
She tells us.
Me.
Him.
The only ones here who know.
You told me yesterday, yes you did.
I smiled, I cried, I cussed at God,
I cried again, I bargained,
But I still did not accept.
I smiled and told you it would be okay.
But I think I know deep down inside
That you know deep inside
It might not be okay.
It came back. It's here, in this room,
Inside you.
And I keep making up scenarios where
Someone has asked me
"Would you do this thing if it meant she lived?"
And I always say yes no matter how
****** up the action may be.
Maybe this is the bargaining.
You're not dead yet, but ****
It feels like it.
It will be years.
I'm sure of it.
But I'm just so scared, babe.
I'm so scared.
No one so young should be labeled
With an expiration date,
A summarization of how long their life
Will be.
No one.

(conceived while in utero
which loosely summarization in toto
of this ordinary Joe Schmoe,
who did wade nine months for a roe
at mercy of obstetricians status quo,

giving me a jump start to blend pro
pen city utilizing both a very small oboe,
and combination cross bow
either plucking or shooting from off
umbilical cord mocks nocks notched arrow.
          
Biological copulation draws, etches, fashions
genesis hewing, inscribing jeweled kismet,
legislating miraculous novitiate officiating
poignant outcome quintessential reproduction
seminarians theological universal vocalization

whittling ** xy yearning zealously, zestfully
aggregating begotten cell diminutive elementary
fecund gametes glommed gooey honied
insulated joined kindled live miniscule netizen
outlook plenti qualified readied simulacrum

thrumming undifferentiated voiceless wisp,
xpert yin/yang zygote (adroit bitcoin currency)
describing extemporaneous fusion generates
hormonal influx juices kickstarting life

manifold natural occurrence pregnancy
quilts rudimentary secrete tapestry until vicar
wizard yields zealous adorable biological
concatenation, derivative extrapolated

filigreed ****** helped induce jointly
knotted linkedin minecraft nascent
ovulation presaging quintessential
reproduction, sharing trimesters, umbilical
venerated womb yearning Zen.

Amazing baby, credit deoxyribonucleic
acid, enigma fantastically grand husband
injected jetted klatch, leaving microscopic
nothings, opportunistically pierced quarters,
readied shutterfly trap, ****** vibrantly
welded x2c yoked Zapped.

A bun cooks definitive enchilada, formula
generations hardy induce jimmied kin,
labored maternal newborn, one pricked
queue, randiness spurred ****** ubiquitously,
voyaged whimpering xing yelper zings.

Adoration bequeathed commencing doting
eyeing, fondling, giving heartfelt infusion
joyus kindred living momentous novel
offspring perpetrate quickening rapport

subjected treatment unequivocally validates
wonderful Xit yolking bearable delivery
fostering  heavenly joy kneading,
legitimizing, masterminding nascent

ontogenesis pacifying quivering reverentially
terminating viability, where yips align  
crying embryo finis gestating heralding
jubilant loving natural parental reverence.

Reality inundates the full term offspring
embarks upon a lifelong journey (initially as  
foreigner sans in utero), but willfulness viz
life source secures survivor against pinging

peccadilloes learning by trial and error to iron
out kinks as one among the human league
since modus operandi transcend encumbrances
triggers built in impetus to traverse potential

pitfalls along the space/time continuum trajectory
which adversity only serves to net greater strength
since that instantaneous and spontaneous bitmap
encoded upon conception.

Back and forth yeah, from you to a coast
Maybe you'd think of me as a ghost
When I wouldn't reply for only like a minute
Some biscuits and flipped disks are better than crickets
Refusing to leave the brain for tickets.
Trying to get an entry at nearest
But can't leave you because your the prettiest
Dark days, Failing Tests and Wrong Fest,
Have been my summarization caused from our texts
I don't want to leave you at best
But my chest and mind are trying to get rest
Even  trying to take you out for my steps
Losing Inspiration with destroyed vests have been my bless
While you're not a mess, Definitely not, but none the less
That doesn't  take my stripped mesh, it's messed
From this brain, for it sinked
I'm trying to see if a "coast to coast" could really help me,
After a few days with it and a messy,
Messy mind, finding her and she
Also trying to find bliss in a conversation city
Didn't saw this coming, I wasn't ready
I thought you being in my mind was beauty
Instead it left me sick without remedy,
Back and forth for eternity, and
My scoring piece have been broken by words and colony
It was my bad for the severity
And I don't know when I'll get back to serenity.

Creation, Collision 3 words that Tooke in action
An essay too long needing summarization
Needing an answer to my series of questions
Failures, A failed fantasy to such relaxation
My reflection, your heart's coronation
Has turned to something that felt like a failed mission.
It was my lost, it was an hallucination
That caused me a breakdown to an imagination.
Your the person, not wanting a confrontation
My sensations, here now suffering complications
My feelings, losing hope and applications
Discrimination, for our hearts resulted in elimination
Frustration, these mentalities turning to collections
Memories and compilations, now considered a destination
For such destruction, a simple devastation
Explanations, never fitted in our sights fascination
The stars we used to chase, now exploded in constellations
You're better off without me in your lonely mansion,
Our tensions, just keeps getting higher everyday as
Ambitions of ours slowly fades away.
Your goodbye left me with no continuation,
Argued words and misinterpretation,
Pulls us farther from interaction.
My faction, broken down without an inspiration
To a guy lonely before their intersections
It covered my emotions' population
Consumption, in this heart of mine you captured
Interests going really but only a fracture
Broken down it's potential adventure
For the word of yours' had made me colder

with a scheming, loving, and enticing guise
alive and well seeking gullible guys
(once upon a time just like me),
who experiences close encounters
of masterly baited entrapment
on Facebook Messenger
and most likely endemic
on other social media platforms.

My humblest bumblebee apology
if nothing but utter milky confusion
ensues from legions of double entendres,
and puns lobbed across your screen
in a harmless attempt
to parry and ****** with playfulness,
but take a deep breath
cause by the end of this posting
(girl scout's honor) you will wheeze
after weathering tumultuous introduction
to poetic missive of mine
merely meant to tickle those axons
populating the nose
about to make the nostril(s),
and neurons as a tease
sne, snee...sneez...achoo...sneeze
analogous to a feather
sorry if you get an allergic reaction
and experience more'n knocked knees.

No easy way to offer you an abridged version
(and brook those undercurrents of riptides)
that wrought havoc and delivered
nothing but hard times to this writer and kin
the latter (two grown daughters)
long since launched successful lives.

I constantly felt rent asunder
and whipped (though
miraculously survived) this way and that
(by abysmal fate)
in what most likely
appeared to be beyond the ability
to function, yet someone
(by the slick grace of some divine force,
and faith no more in inherent strength)
wordsmith performed requisite duties
as house husband and father
never experienced deliverance
(cue dueling banjos)
after dehydration videlicet salivation
from accursed ***** deeds done dirt cheap
to be adumbrated within
subsequent sketchy
following lines of gibberish
possibly triggering favorable rapport
with thee dear reader to evolve.

How impasse and quagmire
of cumulative emotional, financial,
and spiritual tsuris
bogged me down courtesy
the swamp thing
(near to the point of emotional, mental
and physical suffocation)
would necessitate an acquaintanceship
to be established analogous
to purchase computer
components at best buy
which assemblage
of functioning moon units game plan
for this moderately agitated guy,
(which psychic state exemplified
via frenetic and jangling prose)
and impossible mission
to attempt a summarization
of once dire dilemma
back some years from the here and now.

So many issues assaulted
and beat down upon this ordinary specie
of **** Sapiens severely
undermined capability to enjoy existence.

Okay, I will try to isolate each strand
of one mishmash tapestry,
which tight weave of duress
worn like some tattered
uncomfortable trojan made
ribbed miniature overcoat.

Unsure if ye might perceive
yours truly (the writer of these words)
as did the missus consider me a "good" catch
perhaps the reply might be to go fish or fetch
p'raps calling me nuttin - just an ole letch
butta hope not to make a ya retch
this unknown older laddie
nada a suite executive by any stretch
more so a bumbling wretch.

This dollop of gobbledygook me level best
to offer a virtual brightened
and enameled then
(at time of crafting these words
gap toothed smile revealed remaining
few teeth - think
jack o lantern, now yours truly
sports full set of dentures)
after periodontal disease bacteria did infest
and whittled away jaw bones,
thus neither false pearly whites
nor misshapen physique representative
hardly the imprimatur
of a gentleman quarterly
magazine model beau geste
as you can deduce,
I like to write for fun and jest,
which some find to be a fossilized pest
and in my mind I let flit
fantasies for some ****** quest
followed by a blissful rest
once confirming my tool
passes the electric kool acid battery test,
thence prayerfully hope to regale
in such physical closeness
with zeal and zest.

We could (in our respective wet dreams)
possibly find ourselves
walking down that wedding aisle,
no matter we rank
as utter and complete strangers
and ye may misperceive me
as some old decrepit human crocodile
making a proposition to pledge our troth
when we never met
yet...the fickle finger of fate works
in a most awesome and unpredictable ways,
but please no need to feel obliged
to give a number for me to dial
unless...comfort and ease arises
to go that extra green day mile
per responding to this older mwm
with a poetic and prosaic penchant
swiftly taylored and harried styled.

So...if offered salvation of eternal life
against condemnation imposed since birth
per mortality vis a vis unfair fate so cruel
this plain speaking male suffered prepubescent
emotion null budding nipped,
and fully flowered anorexic loosestrife
would be game to allow, enable, and provide
the grim reaper
to take monopoly of mein kampf
and to take a chance well worth
and take at least one sip
from fountain of youth and duel
with divine creator a greater match
than my darling wife,
who did not deserve just desserts
administered, doled, heaved out to her
as undeserved mistreatment.

No emerald, ruby sapphire nor flash in the pan
could ever sway me away from living a short span
that would allow and offer at least a millennium
I know such a garden of eden
solely in thy imagination of this ordinary man.

I, (an articulative, contemplative,
non manipulative and speculative
married celibate, friendly,
circumspective, introspective, respective
barbarian Neanderthal, disestablishmentarian,
latitudinarian, proletarian, sexagenarian,
solitudinarian, utilitarian,
and Unitarian married male)
try to make crystal clear
my unswerving, and unvarying pursuit
for life, liberty and a platonic relationship
with acceptable, affable, amiable, available,
bankable, cherishable, compassionable, creditable
demonstrable, endurable, enjoyable, equitable
fashionable, favorable, formidable, honourable,
impregnable, indomitable, ineradicable, inimitable
for starters general type of women agreeable to me.

I hate to entertain lofty delusions
or illusions of glandular grandeur
but one night stands never appealed
to this above average, boyish looking individual,
even when I lived far from the madding crowd
as a Norwegian bachelor farmer in Lake Woebegone.

Living social in pseudo wedded bliss,
those tempestuous altercations I do not miss.