A bottle of white...a bottle of red...perhaps a bottle of rose' instead...…
A bottle of red, a bottle of white...Whatever kind of mood you're in tonight…
Thank you, Billy Joel for the prologue…
I am literally swarming with the urge to hurt myself tonight.
My skin feels like bugs are crawling all over me.
I'm barely breathing.
Right now I am tense. I am frustrated. I am angry.
I have a migraine. I feel out of control.
I can’t breathe.
Argh!!!! I want to take 10 Ativan
And wash them down with a bottle of white & a bottle of red,
But I don’t want to deal with the side effects tomorrow.
Seeing that my head hurts already,
I should probably refrain from adding bountiful amounts of sulfates to the never-ending ache. Breathe. I’ll give it an hour.
I would think that if they can make glasses in about an hour,
Surely I can talk myself in from this ledge.
I just need to breathe.
It’s that simple – freaking breathe!
I’m sure I’m rambling now…I'm just trying to ride this out.
I just need to breathe.
GD! Shut up about the breathing!
I'm trying to breathe.
God, my chest hurts right now.
It feels tight, constricted – that’s why I can’t breathe!
Okay.....think…what will help?
I wish I could hear your voice right now!
Tell me to freaking breathe!
Remind me where I am!
What the hell am I sitting on….I’m not hot or cold.
But my freaking chest hurts!
Still trying to not go down the “dead-end street of self hatred”…
Trying…trying…that’s all I can do, right?
Try. Breathe.
Trying to understand why?
I seriously need to puke.
And I want to cut myself.
But instead I’ll go shut myself in the pantry and scream into a kitchen towel.
I need an escape and I want to go away right the f@#k now!
From what?
Frustration – anger – fear- no one listening to me?
Is anyone out there?
Nope – all I hear are the voices inside of me.
Nothing else!
Just the freaks inside of me who won’t shut up!!!!!!
I’m breathing….
Okay!....
I’m freaking breathing!
I am exhausted.
I have zero energy -
There are dishes in the sink
And I’m too tired to do them
(tomorrow morning when I have to look at the filthy mess in my kitchen,
I’m going to beat myself up about it).
