I'm fat
My stomache stretches out of its place when i eat
Don't eat
I want to look in mirror and be happy
People shouldn't tease me because I'm not skinny
be skinny
Who cares if I'm unhealthy
As long as I'm pretty

Suicide,
Two types of feelings in production  
The ones who have lived it in some way
The ones who have never felt it's brutality  
I can not explain it's perplexety
I can say what it is not meant to be
Selfish should never be uttered out of man kind
How could anyone let something hold so much control
A question many hold
Have you took place of another humans body or possibly telepathically inclined
You replied no then ignorant is your judgement
I have no great epiphany in reasoning
Experience is my lead

List of eating disorders inhabited my processing
Mom constantly ******* at what was taking place
She hardly  looked at my fragile eyes
She walked out the door to calm herself
I needed help
Twisted was my concept
My mom would no longer worry
My family would be free from my iniquities
I only had to count to three
Swallow plenty
I was ready
Scratching my throat
Hitting  my stomache  

My mom emotional mess walked back in
Letting me know she would fight for me
I told her time was limited
I held the pills with loss dignity  
Emergency room waiting
Heart monitor
Cords stringing around the bedding
Doctor conversing on the phone
Assuming poison control
I felt "it"
The calmest  feeling ever crossed by man
The soft bright light hitting my bronzed hair
Black went the room
I lost it
Stab went the needle into me
First tranquilizer was be fitting  
Doctor harrasing  me for my stupidity
I could only picture the sounds of Charlie Browns parenting
Brain went crazy
Who the **** was I anyways
Maybe I should **** this troll
He really is bugging
Next round in play
The needle went in again
tranquilizer two was on it's way
Falling in a blank misery sleep

Insane asylum is where you end up with dawn hitting
Incoherent was still my state
Puking in every garbage I could see
Waking up to girls standing over my head
Wanting to hear my story
Was I truly loosing grasp on reality
Adam ******* was my counsler
Recreation fun barred in
Nightly tantrums ***** shot accompanied
My visit was almost done
Circle of trust
Family plan mapped and ready  

I made it home
My distorted brain had no change
Took me passing out a couple more times on the bathroom floor
Towel upon my face fan blasting loudly
Awake I finally came
Perseverance and loss of my sanity
Pushed me
Now I'm ******* resilient to the battles of hell

The long hours of the night highlight our inner insecurities
Relating to the change slowly disappearing in a clanking machine
My stomache burns
I didn't suggest to pay this, indebted to the alcohol
No filter to the lewd humorous words we speak
As we cruise away from the wild eyed life, bits of lint collect on the drivers glass
The mistakes and embarrassment blinds our minds
A push of a button, watching the grey fluff slide down the wind shield
Turning into a tumble ****, rolling down the loneliest highway
No commitment to the grief
The clouds smother the brown smudged mountains
A white submissive canvas, I see
My metaphoric future becomes one with the peeks
My heart weeps as they come back into view
The world once teaching me, is now background beauty
Where shall this car take me

She's bleeding into thoughts painful and obtuse;
reclusive mysteries made apparent by violence
and forceful introspection.
Severing ties and reforming them
licking wounds and digging at them.
For once let the madness cease to be so vivid
that it erases me.

there was an elephant he had a stomache ache
and some laxitives the elephant did take
soon his medication began to ease his stress
with a break of wind followed by a mess

elephant was covered from his head to foot
with all the mess he made coming from his ****
now his stomaches better just like it was before
cleaned his the mess now clean again once more

Christ, people
you're all an
utter ****** embarrassment.
you showed great promise,
in those early days,
crackign skulls with stone clubs,
howling at morning suns,
filthy and *******.

but you've only gone and lost the bleeding basics, haven't you?
you don't **** on your territory- what territory?
some big old boy called 'government' has been ******* all over you,
and you applaud like a foolish clown.

you clip your nails with metal, out of necessity,
because they're not being ground on rock
in the fling and throes of the hunt.

you've become terrified of dirt, and the possibilities of the body,
you can't even stomache your meat raw. pathetic.
meek and obsolete, wandering lost and lonely.
you've no pack instinct, and pander on and on and ******* ON

about 'love.' what a villaniously clean word,
not even a scratch of dirt, no delving in warm pink orifices,
filthy and *******

you may be top dog, but you've lost the dog, and are falling from the top.

A shimmer in your eye.
A glance at your face.
Sets my heart apace.
The sounds around me turn into echos of each syllable that comes out of your mouth.
Your lips become my focus.
As it moves my mind traces out each perfectly formed line imprinting them in my memory so that I can dream tonight.
I become a photographer behind a lens.
Waiting, watching as each word is pronounced how it contorts your face.
Waiting, watching for the moment my finger can click the button that will set start to the explosion of light as morning dawns and your face is illuminated catching the perfect timing in a matter of seconds hen your guard has been let down and your heart is revealed bringing to life the well shelter untamed emotion of my meaning to you.
The the shutter closes and once again the wall is up leaving the mind to wonder if the eyes have played tricks on it again.
But the acceleration in the heart beat ask the mind question itself again, if only it can find the right box with the right photo of that millisecond when the heart felt as though it had been struck by an arrow causing the stomache to knot.

It would take too much time
to spit out a rhyme, that exhales
the too many complicated details
of how I became a criminal.
If someone out there tried
to define the lines of limitation
that create stone cold walls
beholding all that is right and wrong
I would laugh in their face

There is no right time or place, for anything
despite all that grandma told me she can
Remind me that fried fish is fried in oil saturated with fat
as if my jiggling thighs didn't already know that

But I'll try to smile, despite the war I struggle to, need to fight
against the earthquake in my stomache but it's just begun to have it's fun

I feel disgusting.
I am ashamed.
I'm not aware of the rules to this game but everybody else seems halfway across the board

There was no one incident catapulting me to hell, I just think I was born there
And if you don't believe me there will be a yell, or screech to teach the meek and weak
who seek some form of hope, some drip or some leak
I will yell at you, when whispers drown the drums in your ears I will reveal the fears you've been trying to conceal for years and I will bring out your ******* tears

Why? why would I ever want to make you cry?
I don't, I just don't want to see you make the same mistakes I did
said every mother father aunt uncle sister brother family member ever

Where am I going with this?
These are not the consecutively places lines
I have been assigned for the poetry class I sit in at nine
These are lines on paper portraying, redundantly saying why I sometimes wish I would die.
Sometimes.

One of those times the mirror in the bathroom was not silent or flat it screamed,
"FRIED fish is FRIED in OIL SATURATED with FAT"
as if I didn't already know that

One of those times occured directly after one of those times
and I will never have enough security cameras
and I will never have enough freedom

Because in this universe, we teach the entire history of how jesus came to be
but shun faith in the stars or the wisdom of mythology
Because in this universe, healthy food is instantly corrupted and corrupted healthy food will get in your head-wait, no. Society cannot simply manipulate my brain
Because in this universe, I was already born insane
In this universe a sixteen year old girl can be sexually assaulted 3 times
and still be expected to feel protected
In this universe, a sixteen year old girl can feel older than dirt, tired and disintegrating
there's no SSRI that'll chemically clog this hurt

But my friends still stand beside me
They're solitary statues saluting my salvation
we live on our own planet of alienation and whenever
I can't find the rocket fuel to propel myself from my own pit of despair
they know not to say much, they know the importance of just being there

There will be no one supporting me my entire life
I'm my own husband, lover, my wife
I am the criminal being charged with crime
I am the mouse in the clock moving the hands of time
with that time, lessons yearn to be learned
In this life, we all just want to be heard

Cassie walked up the stairs and into her new room, her new roomate sitting on the bed and writing in her journal. her long black hair in a side braid, wearing a purple flannel jacket and ripped jeans. "guess who i just met? you're not gonna believe it." cassie said, almost singing. "who?" Emily rolled her eyes. "madison montgomery, she gave me her autography and everything." cassie joyfuly explained. "madison montgomery? isn't she like some grade d lifetime movie actress or something? what is she doing here?" Emily shook her head and rolled her eyes as she doodled a picture on the notepad. "that cuts me deeply that you would say that about madison, she's my friend you know." Cassie touched her cheast, as if she had been cut by this very deeply. "okay?" Emily shook her head "she is a witch like us and is most certainly NOT  a grade d actress." cassie explained.  "i really like it here, you know? i never really had friends at my old highschool.. everyone thought i was weird or annoying." Cassie sighed. "did they?" emily replied sarcasticly. "well yea, thats why i had to get rid of all of them. " cassie sighed once again, shaking her head and staring into space. " sometimes i lay awake and i can still hear them." Emilys eyes and mouth widened as she looked up from her notebook very slowly. "what do you mean, you got rid of them?" Emily asked. "ohhh nevermind..! it's a really long story and i come out looking pretty bad in it" Cassie giggled, making emilys stomache turn.  her eyes still wide and filled with fear.

Coming up from the ground
You see that light
The light that makes you perpetual
Like a feather flowing through the breeze
Deft as an emotion, clear as water
Im open to the world, i'm open to nature

We all have that empty pit in our stomache
When we cant see the sun for what it is
Blocked by the bleakness of winter

But you can get through, you can get through, just keep holdin on

See the forest through the trees
See the trees in the forest

And advice I can give ya, is to not give up
Stuck with  fleeting feeling
Of uncontrable variables

And that balance is virture,

We cant renovate the old, so lets change the new
We cant renovate the old, so lets change the new
lets start a revelotuion
New, new, lets make this world.

So long ago,
We two were together,
My heart ripped out by this fellow

A twist of cruel fate,
Kept us close so close,
Yet in a perpetual friend state.

So now two years past,
The opportunity rises,
To kick up the romance at last.

A peck on the lips,
And my heart starts to flutter,
My stomache jumps and flips.

Dinner, a movie, a basketball game,
Two dates in three short days,
Nice, relaxed and tame.

I like being with him,
And I've always wanted this boy,
Since the moment long ago when I met him.

But low and behold,
A new conflict arises,
For two others want my heart to hold.

Sorrow,
Electrifying.

Head spinning
Vision tilting
Mind reeling
Stomache heaving

I don't recall my feet leaving the ground
or hopping onto a twisting rollercoaster.
Yet,
how else would the world be rotating
360 degrees,
back-and-forth,
upside-down,
all in the same moment?

i dont know how to tell you this, .....but there is a living sloth
inside of your stomache...
..oh, dont worry. The sloth is in PERFECT HEALTH : ) Its going to be juuust fine. What we're going to do is we're going to cut you open, after you die ofcourse,
and extract the cute little fella from your stomache wound. Im thinking about giving it to my daughter who lives in california with her alcoholic lawer **** mother so she remembers me before i move to costa rica with my 19 year old philipino model wife and totally detatch myself from her life and get the philipino pregnant and start a new family which i will also one day forget. Ahhh yes, retirment will be fun..in those years, i think i might start to finally explore my unhealthy interest in little boys and becoming a woman. Transgender, that is. Mmmmmmmm........costa rica.....

Somedays I wake up,
and I pray to whatever is above me,
whether it be God or something else beyond my comprenesion,
isn't there to wake me up.

Somedays, I lay there,
In my bed,
surrounded by the warm layers of fabric that seem to hold me together,
and wish that they would just curl tighter around me,
and constrict me closer into myself,
and pray that they can gently convince my lungs to stop working,
so I can just not wake up.

Somedays, I wonder,
Just gazing around me,
If i can just stop the clock, and stay right where I am,
safe and sound comfortable in myself,
away from all of the anxiety I feel as it would
rise and fall in my chest and bury itself with the confides of my stomache,
and all the other nitches that it can find,
and I dream of not waking up

Somedays, I win.
Somedays, I lose.

I usually lose.

And I find myself uncurling from my happy prison of warmth,
and I feel my feet on the cold hardwood floors,
sighing as I run my finger thrugh my ***** hair,
wondering, not praying
how I ever was able to wake up.

Ayr ye scurvy turnpike,
turn yer eyes from me!
The beauty of yer blizzard blue
tears me flannel heart.

Ye bake me mind into applesauce
that hotly drools on down,
me stomache is dissolvin-
all me courage ye have drowned.

Ayre ye wretched rogue of lies,
no one could be so fair.
Must be an imagination demon
with soft an tender hair.

When yer tongue tangs sharply on me lips
me life is drained and dying.
shut that song of love ye sing
that sets me soul a flyin.

Ayre ye **** banshee
Don't never let me go,
Grip me with yer slender claws
so closely we can gro.

This world can't stop yer fire
were gonna burn it down,
with nights of satin passion
were gonna paint the town.

Ayre me ***** of wonders,
ye know I keep ye dear.
I thank ye for yer nightmares
that ye give me every year.

On days like today my world is good and I am at peace in my own skin... this skin...this home, the only one I can truely call my own- and this skin...my flesh that made my stomache turn, once worn and hated by the child it covered, a blanket to hide my shame, that guilt and despair, empty promises- broken dreams, now seems like a distant memory...

It's all current, a constant emotion, that tug of war with past, present, future... but today... I love myself, I see my good and I have walked with my dark holding it's hand... my light shines on. Anything I want will be mine, anything I need will be had, my heart has healed and my eye's are open, everything I do from this moment on will be done with a passion, that will not succume. I walk towards my goals, never settling, giving my all until it's got...

Feet guide me, eye's see beyond lies spoken by the sweetest lips, voice speek steady, staying true to myself and skin... this skin I call my own... yes skin protect me from any lover's touch that might scorch my flesh or burn my heart. I live in this skin, and in it's foundation of flesh and words I find strength in myself.

Anxiety,
Is when your thoughts suffocate you with panic,
When your stomache flutters with worry.
You feel nauseated with the waves, and waves of panic which you can't escape,
Stress and Anxiety claws and screams at you, your brain, begging for release, and the worst part,
The worst part is you don't tell anybody, you just pull a hesitant smile and say the line you've had to repeat most you life,
"I'm fine."

I love it when you gently rub your strong hands through out all my hair

I love it when you look at me with your deep ice blue eyes like I am yours forever

I love it when I can hear your laughter all the way through the house

I love it when as you walk through my door and I run, you pick me up and hold me just as tight as I do

I love it when you play guitar and sing to me for hours on end without a care

I love it when you hold my hand proud everywhere we go

I love that you always take your time telling me just how beautiful I am everyday

I love the way your warm breath tickles my ear as you whisper you love me

I love how passionate you touch every inch of my body, between kisses telling me how perfect I am

I love making love with you, wrapping myself around your masculine body, feeling myself melt underneath you

I love it when we lay and you pull me from behind against your chest, holding me telling me sweet nothings

I love it when you put your hands on my stomache and say, "I can't wait to have a family with you".

I love all and everything you do

But most of all I love you

So I sit on my wall
And I stare at the bed
Feeling the effects of you on my head
The walls start to close
And my ribs begin to crack
Swinging on their hinges
And breaking my back
I give my stomache some hell
Its been working all night
Digesting the crap
It shouldnt have to fight
I get absolutely no nutrients
And I feel another bout of pain
Someone, somewhere just screamed out your name
Its all in my head
I slide to the floor
My heart slams closed
And I scream out some more
Just give me a sign
A whisper you'll come back
I collapse on the roof
With another panic attack
Take back your love
I don't want it anymore
I started sleeping around
And now my friends think i'm a *****

It's weird,
I now know how cinderella felt at midnight.

Her heart was in her ears,
her stomache in her throat,
hot water behind her eyes.

She was left with nothing.

But I never expected it to come from you.

The man that loved me,
who cared the most for me.

Was a lie.

Poor cinderella. Lying there. Broken.

Call us twins,

but me with no prince, no king.

I'm in love with your eyes,
the way they sparkle when you smile.
Perhaps even the way they hide,
a world filled of lies.
Filling my stomache with butterflies,
Numbing my back from the knives.
From the pain of the words,
that hit me inside.
I see into your soul,
and I slowly lose all control.
This love that I feel for you,
is starting to show through.
It's hard to believe,
but I'm finally letting go of what used to be.
Everything that has ever hurt me,
is quickly disappearing.
I promised myself,
never again would I fall.
Now that you're here to catch me,
it's as if i'm skydiving.
Nothing matters now,
except for what we have together.
I have come to realize,
that you will love me forever.
What we have is more than I've ever imagined.
You've shown me that there's hope in humanity,
as well as the fact that not everybody has lost their sensitivity
and ability to love.
Without you,
I'd have no motivation to do as well as I am.
It's because of you that I yearn to do well and learn,
to better myself for you and our future together.
All because I've gotten lost in your eyes,
and you've showed me how it's supposed to be.

the light above my head flickering
onoffonoffonoffonoff
to fast to really label when it is or isn't emitting a thin ray of yellow mist
like my mood
shifting under the flickering light
happysadangrysuicidalhungrynauseoushypertired
fighting for control of my thoughts
always fighting
everything and everybody
and my sides hurt and my stomache hurts
either because I ate at all
or the meagerness of the portion
I talk to my stomach like it's a child
like I'm a mental patient under the rapid flicker
"shh, now don't be so upset," a giggle escapes me then a tear
I want to yell at myself for the silliness of it all
"SHUT UP!" I grit through my teeth to my stomache
"we have to stop eating so much"
It growls like an upset toddler
I punch my thighs in the same manner
then I lean my head back and stare at the flickering light
and recite some poem about getting ready to give up
but I don't really hear myself speak
It's all a dull roar in my ears
I stare at the flickering engrossed
when I come to the outside is dark
my arm is bandaged
my blades scattered by the sink
wasn't I at school?
the bathroom light flickers then dies
leaving one small vanity light
illuminating my face
everything looks sadder like this
but the flickering has stopped
I feel calmer
no feeling fighting for top billing
no frantic onoffonoffonoffonoff
I put on long sleeve pajamas
pick up a book
and climb into bed
where my floor lamp begins to flicker
onoffonoffonoffonoff
and I'm suddenly freezing and burning up
I want to scream
I want punch the bulb so it shatters against the wall
"not...again"

I have every right to be angry with you
because that is the the only emotion pumping in my veins as I sit here
for the hundreth ******* time
trying to compose a rhyme about
how stupidly, how redundantly, how repetetively, how pathetically, how disgustingly
in love with you I was, I am, and I will always be
because there will never not be a part of you inside of me

Together, we defied everything
Anyone could see our differences before our similarities
but I've never seen more clarity than when you drive your car
I fickle with the radio, and we sing until the road behind us
spreads its wings and we soared
higher than any pipe we'd light or drugs we'd scored

The absence of your passion for life weighs down in my stomache
filling me with a daunting silence
I see your old house with its white picket fence and it calls to me
like cubes of cheese to a mouse

you taught me how to love

I'm not goos at recollecting memories and regurgatating them on paper
but if I could tell the tale of how we saved eachother
of how we learned to become our own savior, our own mother

Because I failed somewhere along the way
and I think about you every **** day
The skin around your eyes which used to simply serve its purpose
as protective epidermis, has sunken, down
I'd never try to make you frown
but you look like **** dude
and that sounds pretty rude
but in the past we sailed across the ocean
suspended by our hope wheeling in motion

you've given up hope and I'm unable to cope with your inability to cope
I am unable to cope with clouds in my kaleidescope
I am unable to cope with you doing dope
because I looked at you like a blind man who had never seen the stars at night
I would never tell you what's wrong from right
but we belong on the sea, Cassidy

I will never be able to explain how you changed the seasons for me
through any seasonal depression you've made up all the reasons,
I continue to fight on

One day I won't feel unsatisfied with my poetry and
I'll be able to conduct something lovely about a girl named Cassidy
but for now, I need to study for anatomy
Mr. Matthews would not excuse tears on my lab

I cant stand the taste. The taste that lingers in my mouth. From my tounge it sinks from my spit glands and into my blood stream and from my blood stream you flow into me and all around me. I can feel it, through every inch of me. This taste. This feeling. Its creeping through my veins. Youre under my skin and walking on my bones. This body is now yours, so time for take over. Take it over, please, because my skin is nothing without your touch and blood wont run without this fuel. As my blood and you race along every inch of me, you reach my brain and when you arrive, comfort surrounds my skull, almost as if it were a blanket surrounding my head. From my brains and into my back, i feel your hands glide from my ribs to my shoulder blades and scratch down my spine. From my back to my arms, i feel them stretch around you and flex, with muscles getting week and your touch getting stronger, i get slapped with realization and i then realize that my whole entire world is in my arms, how could i let it go. What if i have to let it go? Blood, you, rushing, sinking into my stomache, causing airplanes to crash into the walls of my body and the outline of my lungs, causing earthquakes to crack my surface and show every ounce of emotion or thought going through me. While you and my blood race into my legs, my knees get weak and disinigrate, theres no need for standing when airplanes are lifting you high enough. While i get lifted by millions of airplanes, flying all at once, i open my eyes to see yours and im blinded by them, fore they are the sun that burns the light in me. This is it, this is where i want to be. Stay here forever, dont ever set me free because a life with out airplanes or earthquakes or races, is life without you and thats just something i can no longer do.

Hard to think for two worth it if you are true
You are a packed deal accepted that
I worry about your destructive ways I to have done the same
Pray we could work it out or depart bail out
The kiss made everything seem right
It ***** when you're out of sight
The things I write I wish I could say
Don't want it to play a role how you feel for me
Hoping to find truth someone else hurt you
I'm the one who wants to make it better do right by your side
Nothing to hide I could spend the rest of my life with youthe
I'm ready to family be more even if I'm not ready
Let's put a title on us and go steady
The though of you with someone else drives me crazy
Sick to my stomache squeezing the air out hard to breathe
Never to get it together tired of being whatever
Sayin is not the say as doing what I want
Losing you will haunt me
Being friends not tryin to pretend

I was a good kid
I Kept tighty
I snitched on the wrongs people did
Until everyone hated me for it
Snitches get stitches
For the longest time i didn't listen
Until people started to ignore me because of it
Until i lost friends because of it
Until i was told i was stupid because of it
No one wanted to talk to me cause of it
Tragic
A little girl in 3rd grade being told she's worthless
Because she didn't think you where suppose to write on the board when the teacher wasnt in the room
Because she didn't think cursing was allowed at her private school
Yes i went to private school
Plaid skirt and all
It was as if from 7 to 3 i was there Barbie doll
Dress me up
Skirt and all
Then tell me what to say
The lies you make me say decayed my teath away
The secretes tucked inside of me made me feel afraid
In the 4th grade i was scared of my reflection
In the 5th grade i began to show all they said i was and
Wasn't ready for that
Speaking of the 5th grade i went to public school
Suprise
Barbie got put from maximum security
To a weaker division
Security wasnt as tight
So the other kids wkrds didn't lessen
Bullying went from this hobby to thier full time expression
Until some people promised they liked me
Told me to touch other people
And let other people touch me
Until i was something
And i kept quite
Because snitches got snitches
They started fat jokes in the 6th grade
Poking at my stomache
Metaphorically Writing fatty at my grave
And at this time i want exactly sane
So to stay friends
They said
I had to get skinny
And the best at they did that was to stop eating
Give them my food and i get nothing
With My stomach fat i could survive years on empty
With my stomach fat i was the reason africa went hungry
The best way to stop world hunger
They said
Was to **** me
So i stopped eating
And like every other mental disorder it grew into an obsession
Ana was its nane
And it was like a growing infection
Ana is more than a disease
Its a professional temptress
Baby let me see your porcelain bones
breath in until your lungs explode
Feel more than you can control
and let me take over
I let get take over
But my parents couldn't know
The lies dripped out of my mouth
Like how the snow escapes the cloud
I got lost in a blizzard
Lies and ana and lies and ana
Who needed friends when i had depression
Who needed friends when i was headed towards perfection
Reapeated that i was happy till i believed it
Than she came along
Told me that real friends didn't hurt you like that
And that i was already perfect
That i life was worth living
And that i could escape depression
Promised she wouldnt leave me
Promised she wouldn't hurt me
I wasnt the only one with a lieing problem
You see we where both unstable
Dragging eachother down
So niether of us are alone
Dieing together was better than living apart
Until are decided she wanted better
Like she was drowing and i was an anchor tied to her
She cut me lose
So she could get to the surface
And i sank lower than ever before
Her exact words where i just can't bring myself to care anymore
The worst part is
I thought it was my fault
That i did something to make everyone hate me
That i was a problem in this world
And I just had to realize it
All she said was lies she recanted once she found out who i really was
She hurt me
Than called me the liar
So this is where i am now
Sinking
Trying to teach myself how to swim
Alone
I can't lie my way through this one
And ana cant give me oxygen
Im trying to get over it
But im lost in this blizzard
And i can't find my way home

Some days I can't get out of bed
I just can't bear to lift my head
Sometimes it hurts to breathe
My pain continues to seethe
Why did I just yell at them
They're taking blood again
I wish the results were clear
My life is at a full tilt veer
I can't believe it might be cancer
******* it! just give me the answer
Is that even a possible at nineteen
I guess not they say I'm clean
So what is it then
I guess it's back to the doctors again
I'm losing all my lucious locks
And my stomache is always on the rocks
I'm sick of being sick
My future is being ****** by a tic
What a vicious nasty disease
Please God cure it please please please
I want to play with my daughter
I want the energy to get even hotter
I'm so young it seems so unfair
I want done with this whole affair
Maybe next time
But for now I'll end this rhyme

Up all night
It seemed just right
Popped that pink pill
Snorted another, got it for a deal
Alone, in this room
This is all kind of new
Busy head, excited thoughts
Chest buzz
Happy stomache knots
Shakey hand
Lots to do, must expand
Get a task done
Find a new one
In each second new,
Something to do
Hours upon hours,
Supposed to be slow
Clock running fast
Where did the night go?
P.M. to A.M.
Jar full of time, filled up to the rim
It's only been minutes, in this state of wake,
It's all a lie, Father Time is a fake
This reality must be wrong
Yet here comes the dawn
Sun grabs the sky
Little alarms
Equal birds' morning cries
A little scared
This amphetemine world
must not be shared
Hold eyelids shut
They simply flutter
And come back up
A heart beat's stutter
Mind needs to shut off
A drunk man, cut off
Just not possible
Rest: implausible
Trying to chase thoughts home
To rest for a while
But all they've done is grown
Into cerebral bile
Must fall asleep
No, the will
Of the pill
Is just too deep.
Still not tired
Though health has retired
Get up, get ready
Hold your head steady
Grin and bear it
For the rest of the day
Just to waist
another night away.

As i run i know im not going
to give up without a fight
i come to a clif
and skid to a stop
i hear them not far
behind me, caressing my
name gently
theyre right behind me now
i turn around and look at the
two people
they stand, bows ready
i crouch and snarl
but they still dont falter
one of the men shoots
and the arrow hits my shoulder
i feel the smooth crimson
run down my right leg
i cry out but the blood
comes out still
the other man shoots, it hits my
left leg i feel the blood
from my previous wound become
matted and rough as it dries
the pain is searing through
my body like poisen
i snarl again and jump at the
closest man.

Hes too slow and i bend
down and chomp on his neck
i feel the sweet blood
explode in to my mouth
i crouch there for a second
then pounce onto the other man
i knock him over but
he slits my stomache open
i feel like throwing up
i cough a little bit of dark, wet
sickly red blood comes out.

I look back up at the man i snarl then run
this time I crouch close to the ground
i jump and crunch down on his soft head
his eyes popout, his brain taste so good<3
i call out to Life and she slowly
crawls out and goes to the other man
she rips open his chest and eats his
intestines first, then his heart
she savors the heart
after she licks the blood from the
ribcage clean and naws on the bones.
I see her take the head in her paws
and crunch down
i see the blood pour out
i laydown and look at the sinking
sun with my head on my paws. <3

I want to know how your skin glows in the dark
How your touch is the warmth of a rising sun in spring
Your breath on my chest takes my heart to the clouds
Your stomache
Your breast
Mountains I get lost in
I long to know how your saying my name
In the highest reaches of passion
Is the music I was born with in my soul
Your shoulders
Your thighs
The promised land I walk through despair to reach

I wish to see the stars shine in your hair
To know how your eyes drown me in oceans
And shine a billion suns I look into as we feel creation
Your body
Your soul
Your love
Your eternal truth
The reason I have finally found to be

I want to be a god with you
And feel creation

1.) I feel fine.
2.) don't like coming down from the high
3.) I'm ready for the next adventure - tired of being here

4.) All 8 sound good to me - 10, reallym oops

5.) I feel fine.
6.) Stomache hurts a little, but I'm eating a little

      numbers are starting to limit me,
      space even feels limiting
      in the thick of repeating,
       contrasting safety.

  Danger
is fun to me,
placing the awareness
uncomfortably
to expand,

7.) I'm thinking of passages
8.) Dreaming, in creation, romances; freedom

9. still feels fine

1.0.) hallucinatons

goodbye

i took a handfull of pills one day
hoping i would fly away,
and see jesus face to face,
escaping this god forsaken place.
i thought that it would set me free,
from being a living tragedy.
but i began to feel very sick.
i felt as if i had been hit in the head with a brick.
my stomache turned, and i began to cry.
i never really wanted to die. but now im gone.
and im never coming back.
daddys at my funeral, all toarn up and dressed in black. 
mom is busy crying, she would give the world, anything to get back her dear baby girl.
and i rot away, and all of my hopes anddreams they do too..., because i made a big mistake, thatno one could undo.
all of the plans that god had made for me, tragicly erased.all of my potential, has now gone to waste.
i never really wanted to die, i just wanted to end this pain, i guess that i thought that life, was nothing but a game.