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Mateuš Conrad Apr 2020
i remember the meningitis scare:
   oh... it was very real...
i guess it was supposed to affect a niche
proportion of the population...

so much for the "scare":
they would vaccinate us in the schools:
since children were more prone
to succumb to: and inflammation of
the lining around your brain and spinal cord...

and all that: press a thumb against
a skin... and if the skin returns to its original
colouring: there's no blemish of applied
pressure... pressing glasses onto the skin too...

the aesthetics have changed so drastically:
what can **** you is so subtle these days...
it's hardly a case of leprosy...
or... eczema of the zombie plague:
or miniature lilal mushrooms growing
out from your armpits:
suddenly breaking into song:
  'steve told us to sing... so we have
sprouted: to sing!'
       no... celeriac sized warts... hell...
i haven't seen any pictures of covid-19...
as i never saw pictures of ebola...

            death has been given: an anonymity...
but what's still kept in reserve?
shingles...
     like: hyper-eczema...
                i'm having to consolidate myself
on the luck of being 30+ and still having...
a skin on my face that i can't peel:
but i'm sure that belzeebub took a dump on...

they're either dead maggots
or dead white blood-cells...
        i guess i have so many of the latter that...
my immune system is constantly
on a over-charge mode...
          
    where are the lilac mushrooms about to grow
out from out of my armpits:
when will death become visible again:
outside her womb:
without any anonymity to behold:
when will everything... "ev'fing"
  return to the obviousness of a guillotine...
a hangman...
      a... hanged, drawn and... quartered?

the improved aesthetics of the threat is hardly
be sitting in an armchair...
welcoming this: paranoia precursor...
there's no phosphorescent yellow-green phlegm
being shot through the air with a sneeze...

i'm quite disturbed about all this...
        "sterility"...
                      well thankfuly i know that
a schizophrenic can't beget a drone-replica:
dead'ed brain: "schizz"... zombie-cult-esque
   brain: riddled with parasites like...
a disciple of burrough's fever might provide:
subsequently... by...
   by caughing a splitting-headache that might:
somehow: "later": arrive at some variation
of bilingualism...
          but never will... perhaps it should...

because: right now: i want to wrong about everything...
i want to ****** with a hard-on of doubt...
and perhaps: tease negation a little...
or rub-rub-'er very much...
but i do: most honestly...
    want to be wrong about everything...
esp. when it comes to...
   the aesthetics of the "problem":
    it's a problem-solution: solution-problem
  quadratic...
           i mean: if it was truly cosmic... and original...
would it really care for much of aesthetics...
can viruses becomes stealth assassins?
   is a virus a misnomer of plague?
or is... a virus a former case of plague...
  that couldn't be: prior... weaponized?
   the rampant exfoliation of: the obliterated
concern for aesthetics...
   oh sure... it's clean cut...
           god knows what happened to those old
curiosities of medicine...

otherwise...

   what will 3 hours spent reading nothing but
Dickens do to you...
me? i "somehow" managed to miss / forget
about a sunset...
   came the night and... yeah: when meningitis
hit...
   and i guess after the mad-cow disease...
break-dancing limp feet cows...
drunk cows... morbidly drunk cows...

      there was always that postcard reference:
now?
you could obviously see the bubonic plague
from a mile away...
you could see eczema...
you can sure as **** see a shingles belt...
        would a virus even care...
to appease the aesthetic concerns of man?
how doesn't cancer do that...
well... i just start thinking about...
the botanical cancer... viscum...
hardly seen in western europe: tree-foundation
societies... etc.
   half an hour on the road outside of warsaw...
that's enough...

oh sure: because of covid-19:
who could, "somehow" forget about...
                  metastatic tumors!
oh the joys of... <cough cough> the carousel
or that ol' chestnut!
            come to think of it...
    would ingesting a tapeworm make thinks and things
more real?
what wouldn't be bad
about acquiring a symbiote these days?
     all: postulations of the mundane...
without yet within the science-fiction universe...
the facts will simply not stand the test
of time... or will... but will be shelved...
given to the bookworms and their placenta
worm-queen...

it's actually becoming a sieving tool for acquiring
nothing lost: of the old mundane...
the sterile aesthetics of the whole under-taking...
it's too: invisible: too pure...
to be... a freakish byproduct of nature...
sending us back in time...
as the original: single-cell organism
about to usurp the crown of creation...

    my list of conspiracy theories begins
with: catcher in the rye "coincidences" and...
that david copperfield sort of *******...
      because if it's not Pickwican...
it's certainly not an account of count
smorltork:
        peek - christian name
                weeks - surname; good, ver good...

otherwise these days:
the intellect has become a sponge...
and the supposed underlying:
because it is "supposed" and there's an
"underlying" aspect to all of this...
that there is a "dialectic" and...
otherwise: the bestest of the best kind
of...            soap...

is it a revival of an "empire"...
when at the height of its decline...
there was that motto:

     panem et circenses...

     what's underlying in Dickensian prose?
well... some of the words used...
i'd sit with a page and check the dictionary
3 times on average...
because there's still that underlying:
we, Britons, prior to the "english"...
the anglo-saxons... are the Afghanistan
oopsies of the ancient world...
there are so many words with direct
connection: etymologically "speaking"
with latin...

now: the bread is still "here"...
   of the 20th century... you could see a ****
coming way back in 1933...
and the communist... whenever that happened...
and you could subsequently trickle the "evil"
archetype into movies... into gaming...
and have people hooked on a bullseye of evil...

now? greyish blips and blobs of
Kantian bureaucracy...
    
o.k. panem et circenses...
looks to me...
like the circuses are long gone...
the bread is still here...
but... of all the seismic shifts this is...
hardly a ffffffffffff-ucking Pompeii!
riddle me this: riddle me that...
what can possibly become so... overly entertaining...
about eating a slice of bread?
why are the vermin: multiplying:
what's with all this: "huddling" at a distance?
need a cape with that: herr ubermensch?

last time i checked: rats do no operated
under herd scriptures...
there's not need for a shepherd...
there is: fire! scramble!
peep-squeak and more!
          
    an impeding confrontation with a pack of wolves...
a vegetarian lion convert...
                 the bubonic plague: lack of aesthetic...
and now this...
this supreme aesthetic of: when the ancient greeks
thirsted to conceive of the existence
of atoms...
          not that i require proof...
what so of circus: though...
      is, this?!

- yes folks... in the current climate of labyrinths...
the Minotaur isn't here...
and we're out of stock on smoke...
and... mirrors...

citations of a possible prediction to allign with
some variation of borrowed horrors:
to usurp the status quo and sentences us for:
there's no "third time lucky" therein...

all that's happened though:
mental people who would never allow
their minds to riddle them...
become claustrophobic by mere thought...
can you?
translate thinking into claustrophobia?
oh god... no... we haven't reached this nadir...
have we?
thought didn't imply θ(ought)!
that erotica of a would be pronoun:
the moral quest...
                  not because i did something bad
in the past...
but because:
i did what others didn't do prior to me...
i ride the wave of what a *******
said to me once:
after an ******:
this is only the second time it has happened
to me: hello ***** envy thrown out of the window!
hello sisters of mercy in some convent
in Limerick!
'allo! 'allo!

beside the moral conundrum of θ(ought): ought i?
this narrative of the ol' 'ed...
is... claustrophobic?
             spread this negation-of-ease further:
dear kin!
   dis- prefix that denotes negation...
ah... and -ease! the suffix that complete the circle:
no contemplation is necessary!

i'm still seeing bread, though...
oh mein gott! die zirkusse! die zirkusse!
what can be done about the circuses?!

people are coupling thinking with claustrophobia...
people are implored to read
for at least 3 hours a day!
a dickens! a tolstoy! a dumas!
and then relax from congesting paragraph strain
and explore the airy side of what was
written into prose and paragraph with
the aid of poetics: that non-exclusivity of rhyme:
always missing... best missing!

i too abhor this synonym:
poetry is what rhymes...
            a set list of: knock-knock jokes...
about as tasteful as...
               roast beef: done well done...
eating the bark of wood:
now that's an adventure!

            or what's... the adjective riddle / riddled...
of: now...
permanent - adjective... these days a host
of "calling scheitmeiser for all his worth"
and what not...      
                               now: the experimental
history of yesterday and "oops"
now: the cameo cinema of yesterday...
and god willing:
you have a "savings account"
of: memories that can...
suffocate the future: the imagining...
of and for the nought of nothing...
the "conundrum": of being...
such and such... and somehow...
retain: personhood...
rather than... a mere... citizentry "status"...
of the ebbing flow of cattle meat and dung:
itsy-bitsy spider teeth itching...
before the bone!
and... after the bones!

load of crock-**** Lombardy is not
Italy... mantra...
and those rites of rats from
the sinking ship that's Wenice...
much too... quasi-important...

      H - surd of a letter...
but the skeleton supposed to behind:
laughter...

the hibernian folk know it...
the english: eh... somewhat...
          bound to θ and bound to φ...
in t'ought... but not in: t'aught...
who needs the apostrophe?
no me: not "you"...
         third: or... θird:
or... ****... or τ(au) says: "herd"...
                             and what's "spezial"...
the surd worth of π (pi)
     in ψ...
                    or      'sychology...
              then there's "all that" with...
chrome: the χ that becomes a kappa (κ)...
but not... exactly the...
the...      ah!                   CHisel!
chasing dog's tails?

                            but a hardy: hibernian:
it's not an F... it's a T...
we have to expose the H-surd! primo
pronto!

    but ψ can afford...
          πσι in that...
                      either the π... or the π...
is treated as a surd..
cited: the whittle canyon of eta (Ηη)..
            ha: if it's a definite article in 'ebrew...
or ha: if... you need a consonant
skeleton... to breathe when laughing...

toes when marching: chin ching chatter...
otherwise "K / kappa" the matter...
taught to think it all but a massive:
****!
   or... a θurd... which is exfoliating in
the gaellic concept of: third...

i'm not from 'ere...
              mind you...
              this is all disneyland for m'eh et moi...
hello whittle atom me...
hello whittle atom you...
hello: hyvä aamu... susie 'ere...
       rakastaa... että ulvonta...
                 "unohti" haukkua:
fins... drawfs... and other whittle people...
eskimos of the "narrative":
   "kaikki alkaen apinamaa"!
    pωl pυt ***...
             and there's "3" of 'em!
exactly... what about the V'em...
             perhaps a F'ought...
      but: V'ere!
            V'em!
                            who the **** gets to
assure me: this language "ving" or "thin"...
sure hands... sure hands...
it's not all grafitti from chernobyll!

and what if... Joycean would 'ave to begin
its pilgrimage toward Dickensian?
this Ezra of ours: what of this...Ezra of
Fahrenheit of "ours"?

           my atom "versus" your... "atomized" man?
my spaghetti english
versus your... i'll sooner choke on ß...
or SuS...
         or SaS
                  SeS...          sayß...
h'american spaghetti english... *** riddled:
ghetto crown-tongue...


me and finding a juggling of chuckles
with: wit... hiding the ha ha...
when θ = τ...
hibernian...
poland the playground of god:
greek... the plaground of men...
esp. those as being cited:
with origin of the barbarian tinge...

  exatly! what of WH when TH are....
thought of "wen":
this grafitti phpneticism...
this barbarism...
no code of "conduct":
what should have:
and did "have": a happen to...
when it came to the ratio
of consonants to vowels...
  of the latter there was a supposed more...
or the latter a less...

    h.i.v. vampirism romances
would have to die...
  a death... most... closely associated with:
psychopaths: or...
the general pathology is: soul-quests...
all "things" considered...
there is no "grand-Σ"
        "past-participle":
of the unconscious-conscious liver...
does the part: actor... functions
of... i robot: you, not here...

the liver does what a liver does:
even if: i r woke...
and i r: sleepz...
               eyes only on when...
orientating myself around:
a failure of a distinct "individual":
moi foie premier...
   moi estomac premier...
and of "me" or... a me...
given that... there's no: "the me"...
            load of ******* and a chewing tube
of "worded"... "circumstances"...
as: "the alternative" to...
sorry... no other alternative...
was... or would ever... be given...
errror message 404 commences: as of: now!

- or... can you?
compensate a word like... draconian...
with a word... the periphery word...
akin to... byzantine?!
the kite's high up in the ******* air
my dear lad...
can you? "compensate" this...
marry of all other:
never-poppin' up 'ins?!

that's one way of minding:
a grey-ginger...
or an albino-masai...
for "good luck"... of all t'ings:
the lerprechaun 'ucking charm brigade!
that's just 'ucking necessary: that is!

as.... the people have already mentioned
their freedom: to cite and keep up to
the rigours of salutations...
they said and they said... and they:
sad but nonetheless: they sad-***-made-"truth"-of...
"it": 'ucking wombat
multiverse l.s.d.: me typing on an old... cranky...
soviet "qwerty" imitation...

the freedom prior to the plague:
i am yet to see...
the **** covid... and the leprechaun...
and the tarantula...
and the... leech...
   **** me: raining cats and dogs:
what a scenario!
     i was supposed to get...
               not leech: not *****...
those fidgeting terse quizzes...
          *****... no... leech... no...
leprechauns: double no...
             szarańcza... old mother-tongue:
ah yes... "these":
                                 locust!

the third of the lard off the herd of the most:
"likely"... nosense to me:
something for you:              up!
otherwise know as:
quiet a bollocking... wouldn't you,
somehow... please... stage:
an agreed to?
               ****'s sake...

  tyrd the triddle twiddle torn und
towing: dublin the sorry-eye: und sore...
you freckled maverick salt
burner you... and... it's a ginger:
stick-prone... keep y'er eager distance...

eh? that's true: is what's through...
**** paddy **** and a poor ******
walk into a bar...
and the bartender is... a kippah-don
of a rastafarian:
the jokes end...
and there was never a conversation
to begin with... ha ha!
now that's a joke... to wake up...
a frankenstein!

      ginger pleb: ginger poodle!
the new africa: the new eskimo...
or... the finnish gateway: etymologically speaking...
an alternative to... *** and...
              the leftover mongols
stranded by the waters
of the empire: receding...
          the...        no: not the croats...
the...
          a very much elongating concept
of pause....
              "d" or the "v" of: v'eh...: the...
the  immortal savages
of: crimea...
      ah yes!
                  those...            tar-tars!
like the tartare steak:
or what was forever available as
the alibi for: sushi!

        because tokyo is just one of those...
forever huan: new... beijing chicken shacks...
and "tokyo"...
or some other anime typo *******...

irish catholic intellectuals...
and... the none existence of whatever
would have required a magna carta:
believe it or... eat **** sort of
mentality...
            the russian doctors
are already abiding to be hunted
if not huddling in churches...
because: co-vex said: co-vid...
co-vid: sharing blockbuster intrusion
pokes was: that last resort to
mortality: and oh...

          this should have happened a long...
a long long time ago...
  transparency tourism...
where you going?
nowhere...
  and "where" is "going"... "nowhere"...
a bit like france... and the eiffel tower...
and there's no speaking french to have
to be resolved...
because like: "**** it" and what?

the ginger-ninja... the ginger-ninja...
the ginger-ninja and...
when the reality of *****...
reaches... an escalation "reality"
of: synonym with... oh god! beards!
ugh!           vot                          ven?!

yep... and the irish were always:
the horse-breeders..
they always were...
always the catholic-intellect juggernauts...
because the hey'talians and
the spoon-innards...
and... mon deu: zee: fwench!
forget the ****** cathos-pathos...
*******-of-os...

and in me:
the gravitas for a disconcerting ambivalence...
almost a compound:
misnomer... but no...
i like the spaghetti though...
yeah: it looks nice on paper...
and off paper...
and anything to cite: the godfather with...
because: boo is a ghost story
that a solo would sell... and ******* like
that...                   yup...
which is a word: to replace the ideal trajectory of:
would be: ghost limb...
james bond...
                          roulette...
you the actors "faking it": no of course...
dylan thomas bob dylan...
"faking it" i.e. stunt actors!
what's "bob": when there's a ******* roulette:
and a devil's dozen of rich, russian...
oligarchal chick... pretending plastic is not...
new world... ******: comb-over...
creaking chair... stlye-on... style-off...
plastico-supermanoh... dynamo-oh-oh...
those "soz" and "whatsevers"...
works well...
the times column...
when your parents are... conscripted...

             mammoth playdough oh oh oh...
irish is cheap...
catholic is cheap-oh...
******...
ha ha... let's not go there...
becauße that's like...
   goldberg variations: the bwv 988 aria...
   yeah: "soz"... but... i'll ******* eat you:
if i have to: for the purpose assigned
to a hard-on... most associated with...
sparrows...
and... the pirates of the confines...
the magpies...
          
             in every period of congregational
"sanity" there's that interlude into:
madness...
howl how! oh dear world of:
that lost appetite of surprise!
        you begin to wither... and die off:
by the slow culmination of hours...
like... a picture to entomb the perfecting
affair of a decaying pear... or apple...
               and...

            and....                 and...
trickling of sentiments...
and sounds...

                           and there are commentaries...
and there are... catholic bishops...
and protestant cardinals...
and ****** popes!             ah ha!
am i to.. truly... die... from laughter?!
Loki Sep 2018
I sit here lost in my thoughts , soaking up with the happenings

I caught A luminous face of olive white ,
the brightest eyes of ocean blue staring into mine.

Would you believe ?
Slowing down of time? I did
As she turned her head
That luminous face changed form
Barely grasping my sight,

Like the breeze before the storm,
The storm I only wish I witnessed.
Seeing her walk away in the most graceful stlye,

I wonder if her peach lips had reflected a smile !!
As she brushed her hair behind her ear,
A Sensed a gentle breeze pushing me out of senses
Was she mocking my reality ?
Was I wrong?
My spring was here a lil late
I only wish I could have taken a glimpse of her eyes
I only wish to prove myself the reality...
This is the first part of the 3
Rachel Anderson Sep 2010
I searched high and low to find you a present
But nothing could quite represent to the fullest extent
These feelings that I have for you
That I can only try to construe;
           These words:
                                        I love you

So I made you this card
To try and be avante garde,
And though the prices were low
I just want you to know that
The sound of your voice makes me want to rejoice,
The sight of your face makes me want to embrace,
And that this card is to the girl who has such stlye,
    Who always knows how to make me smile.
And this is to the girl who plays the bass guitar,
    I love the way that you are.
And this is to the girl who is always so nice,
    Who never fails to entice.
And this is to the girl who is so pristine,
    Who is all about scene,

I hope you have a wonderful sixteen.
By: Cody Youngblood, my boyfriend. Written to me for my 16th birthday.
The door was left wide open after i had left the room,
Returning months later to find it unfamiliar,
Redecorated in the stlye of who you wish to be,
And who you mimic.

No longer feeling safe within the walls i once trusted unequivocally,
It feels so strange to be sitting here, unable to find the things i left, the things i loved.

Hidden under new wallpaper are the words we wrote together,
I only wish to read them once more,
To relive just a fleeting second of a time where no sorrow could come.
But your new decorations block my view and i may only live in memories.

Had i stayed, would we have mainted our decor, i often seem to ask. A question i'll never see answered, the one loose thread, unraveling the rest of my thoughts.

I cannot stay here, too strange and unwelcoming, alienated where i once called home.
Yet i still don't wish to leave.
So all that i will ask of you, is to close the door behind me.
For i could never lock myself out.
I will only hope, that if i should return, i should find all that cared for, pride of place, in the room that i called home.

I wish i'd never left.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2022
i recall someone once mentioning: the trouble with writing
these days is... that we're writing about reading...
perhaps... i'm assured that everyone is literate:
affirmative of numbers and basic arithmetic...

but people still leave graffiti scribbles on walls...
paper too expensive?
  but some people are still dyslexic...
                 oddly enough there's no concept of dyslexia
in ****** spreschen...
          there are: orthographic mistakes...
for example...
morze vs. może...
            maybe vs. sea...

                   bigger problems with U and Ó...
O itself is not the problem...
         i.e. / e.g. za późno   (too late)
why ó and not u?
                    it's the same sound...
    this is what orthography looks like...
                           Charles Dickens had a misinformed
insight into what he called "orthography":

orthography invokes a need for diacritical markers...
something to elevate the Latin script...
and English? simply didn't and i'm still waiting...
i could be dead by the time any diacritical
marks arrive...
  
   you can't really call it an orthographic mistake
if you write realy and not really...
                       given... i RELY on what's REALLY
available...

so why "too late"?
                                  from the word: PO... i.e. after...
po czymś - after something...

and then i come across a band that was popular like
7 years ago...
   Łąki Łan: o.k. - i don't know how i came across
the band Lao Che...
               but how did i miss Łąki Łan?

sure... it's not the Red Hot Chilli Peppers...
but then again it's not Disco Polo...
          unlike the Hebrew diaspora... "we" Polacks
hate each other, distrust each other...
or at least that's what my parents taught me...
we integrate alright...
   and how easily we collapse when moving
en masse...
                     since the: leave the EU vote in England...
whatever large contingent was apparent
with "ethnic" supermarkets disappeared...

most of my "brethren" ****** off back to the homeland...

every, single, year... when my grandfather was
alive and i spent the summer there...
regrets?! yeah... i wish i went to at least
one Woodstock festival...
   Czaplinek...                  whatever it's called now...
yes... but would i have Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment
under my belt?
  
  i know i like to sleep around with random
women and esp. those inclined to prostitution
but i also like to read... a little bit... just a little bit...
and Boleslaw Prus: the Doll...

Bertrand Russell's the history of western philosophy,
Kant's critique of pure wisdom,
Heidegger's being and time...
Kierkegaard's either / or...
i'm yet to finish vol. 5 & 6 of Knausgaard's
magnum opus... etc. etc.

   i've only recently rediscovered my
extroversion... within the constraining environment
of work... with strangers...
i'm sort of levelling the field of formality...
i just remember working with my father
in a toxic and the best amazing way
while roofing... we argued a lot...
we still argue a lot...

   **** me: it's humid... i think i haven't showered
in two days... i'm starting to stink...
i probably wouldn't if i had fur rather than:
what became of ape that man is now
and what was once boar that's now pig...
boar?
would that be the ** or the XY genes...
well... what the **** did we breed boars with?!
boars are still alive...
but the "thing" we bred them with evidently isn't
since we have pigs...

we used to be so adventurous: biologically...
really twisted Frankenstein(s)...
let's face it... the number of dog breeds we created?
wow! and we're still keeping some
with sadistic paranoia that the French bull-dog
will not suffocate while sneezing...
but what have we replaced that with?
inter-racialism...
    i still think a white **** looks better
on a black *** than the reverse...

                  it's a bigger sight of canvas...
and in Kenya... sure... when the moon was right...
and she came hovering over to me
with a joint... plump... not fat... just: plump...
not that we did anything:
we were eye-*******... throughout...
i guess i must have gauged her eyes out with my eyes...
i clearly read the tension...
                    eye-*******...

well... beside the ol' raven Turkic hair... that drives me mad...
probably as mad as ginger hair...
ol' raven Turkic... ginger Celtic...
    auburn-ginger Celtic...
                or just highlighting ginger and freckles...
there's this girl at work...
i was thinking during one shift:
what if you just showed me your hair in a different
style...
i thought it...
****... i don't believe in telekinesis or telepathy...
but...
        hey presto... next shift i was supervising
and handing out i.d. cards sitting next to her
at the table... i must have touched her hand unknowingly
with my pinky finger...

but she did change her hair... it was let loose...
it was no longer in that tired half bun...
i don't even know the name for that stlye of hair...
with men... it's... the top's there...
but the sides are shaved... crew-cut? under-cut?
but with girls... they strap the scalp of their hair
and leave it dangling... em em... ****...

right... UNDERCUT but NOT undercut...
ginger ******* fetish...
                                        i have a ginger fetish...
i'm not ashamed of it...
                            like i'm not ashamed of visiting
brothels like i'm not ashamed of liking Romanian
and Turkish girls...
esp. since living in England and...
           no luck... so? ******* elsewhere...
well... if the English girls are all about Pakistani
grooming gangs...
it's harsh...              

- well, i never belonged with my brethren anyway...
i'm just too used with multi-culturalism...
after all... what ethnicity is not England?
the whole world is here...
i'm more acute of myself in the presence of:
i could be the next Lawrence of Arabia...
fitting in talking casually with Somali would
be pirates...

and no: i don't drink for "fun": i drink to disinhibit myself,
but at the same time i adore being sober and
stressed at work... ugh... the formality of language...
that NVQ 2 course broke me...
i had to abandon the use of language i'm
most used to... i had to return to a policy of language
akin to 2 + 2 = 4...
it was torture...

even now: i know: i'm all over the place...
but that's because i want to be "here"...
                     or "there"...

like someone mentioned: the problem with writing
these days is that we're writing about reading...
when i was younger i could get trapped in
a linear narrative flow of fiction...
i would spend the most glorious month of my life
reading something akin to Bolesław Prus' the Doll...
or Bertrand Russels' the history of western
philosophy...

             going with grandma to the market place...
picking up fresh fruit and vegetables...
in Poland there's the breakfast...
the major meal of the day: the dinner
is the lunch... once upon a time there was no
9 to 5 shifts... there were 3 shifts...
the most popular shift was one orientated at
waking up at 5am...
working till 1pm... coming home for dinner...
and then? supper... probably sandwiches...
hard-boiled eggs on bread... plenty of vegetables...
blah blah...

i'm sort of experiencing a comeback of the Soviet
tradition...
i'm not getting paid weekly...
i'm getting paid monthly...
**** on me... i'm only going to get paid
for my last shifts in June two months down the line...
which means? i can't see Khedarah
for two weeks more...

thankfully i'm entertaining myself in this
boring: boorish: humidity that's not supposed
to be allowed into Europe...
when i was younger i could focus on one book
at one time...
but then again... i couldn't read two novels
at the same time...

i'm currently "schizophrenic" splitting my
attention between Ovid and Zhuanghi...

- no... i know why i don't like my fellow "countrymen"...
i remember this one incident...
i must have been 7... or... "thereabouts"...
two boys approached me...
one of them asked me to open my mouth...
naive: i complied... i opened it...
then immediately closed it...
in the time "between"? he spat in my face...

i have a love-hate relationship with Poland...
i'd sooner speak German
and learn to live in Russia than feel any affiliation
with this buffer-zone land of crushed
ambitions...
                       hey presto! i'm living in London
and... i don't feel like there's anywhere more
important than here...
            i have a beard that i stroke like i might
play a cello... i have a hair chest and a hair stomach...

i work in order to get money in order
to **** prostitutes in order for the prostitutes to feed
the money i give them to churn our a functioning
economy: i'm not envious of males in roles
of superficial power... i'm a loser and i'm a winner...

i've seen the troubles of my mind extend into
real: tangible troubles in the world...
i'm moving in a synchronised way...
                   i'm: perhaps delusional... but at the same time:
BASED...

i can walk into a forest and come out
with a branch that's shaped like a Cossack's sword...
a SHASHKA...
             i fall in love like a sky-dive...
i love like a barking dog...
i i rarely get the sort of love i'd like to be returned...
i rely on the cameos with strangers...
usually young boys...
who fist pump me...
    or women who: akin to me... like stroking my beard...

i'm pretty sure i have a secret stash of leprechauns
in my pockets to imply:
this is for good luck... rainbow not needed...

but it's good to know...
i never pay for lies...
if at least two prostitutes tell you: you're...
good-mad...
                       you're good-mad...
well then...
                              i'm the best kind of crazy...
and like i once told a girl at work:
what Bukowski said...

some people never go mad...
     what horrible lives they must lead.

— The End —