"stella" poems
A Queen in waiting, a Princess no less.
Each day, a routine before being seen.
For some, a shadow and not of the eye.
The kind you'd find on that of a guy.
An army of pogonophobes in dysphoric confusion.
Each purging our wardrobes,
a repeated delusion.
A leading *******
from a pornographic circus.
The ***** under graduate from
a school of *** workers.
Your Hubby's vision in blue
is our secret down south,
'cause he wouldn't kiss you with
that ***** mouth.
So, I'll stop you there Sizzle Chest
with your cans of Stella
in your pristine white vest.
'Cause this is real easy,
even for you Mr ******
I used to be a Princess but
now I'm a Queen,
recently coronated
after all that I've seen.
Poetry by Kaydee.
Jul 9, 2018
Jul 9, 2018 at 9:43 AM UTC
they emerge from the wooded neighborhood ridge and fringe at dusk
into breadth of lawn
& limb.
witchy chicks
casting banter n bitchcraft.
teenage dead end dreamers tipped in black magick lip gloss
& glitter, their
genderfluid familiars &/or wayward boyfriends apparate
in the street pink cloud spinning wheel,
& hawking bile.
****** stella smile.
swallow a hex, send a snap, tongue along his neck
promising to fold bodies before sunrise.
the effervescent gasp
of post-ritual clarity.
in the house,
is a kid.
a gig.
the devil with a younger grip.
& the kid thrills on a bit of the ol’
u l t r a v i o l e n c e.
****** videogames, ****** anime, ****** mayhem n melodic music.
he is a conduit of dark energy.
a pure blooded offering of the stone age/video age,
mind in a kind of kaleidoscopic way.
he is me.
bred on televised bucket slime ceremonials.
she checks her purse.
drugs & snacks & juul & a pretty dead bird.
a daughter of delphi watching your kid.
tending to him.
trending him.
popcorn smelling him, the texas chainsaw massacre on vhs just before bed.
palace of teeth n twigs.
just a short walk to the edge and then its bath time.
the demon version is grisly and cruel.
the angel version is starry-eyed and adventurous.
to conjure some
thing,
at the cliff jumping.
it was fun.
Oct 13, 2014
Oct 13, 2014 at 2:54 AM UTC
In pubs with bar flies.
Kronenburg, Becks, Carling, Stella Artois and Fosters,
Dancing in our blood,
Utterly inured; we are endured by all:
The solipsism most profound.
And when Johnnie, Jack and Jameson join,
The sentimental and the morbid
Are conjoined.
And ****
In the custody of beer halls,
The shadows that draw, fade,
And calls – e’en Death’s! -- are put on hold!
No time; instead, before the last, another pint.
For in this hallowed inn,
Drinking what’s in the glass,
And espousing the glow within,
Cares regress.
No woes,
Or loaded psyches,
For when the pressure builds,
The best: a jet of yellow bliss,
Relieves the pain,
On Armitage Shanks' porcelain.
Sep 29, 2017
Sep 29, 2017 at 6:50 PM UTC
Lo spiraglio dell'alba
respira con la tua bocca
in fondo alle vie vuote.
Luce grigia i tuoi occhi,
dolci gocce dell'alba
sulle colline scure.
Il tuo passo e il tuo fiato
come il vento dell'alba
sommergono le case.
La città abbrividisce,
odorano le pietre
sei la vita, il risveglio.
Stella sperduta
nella luce dell'alba,
cigolio della brezza,
tepore, respiro
è finita la notte.
Sei la luce e il mattino.
7.3k
I,
You,
Beer,
Lights,
Sounds and Headbang.
How can we stop the time?
stella and blue moon this time.
mixed in one glass.
your
lips
to
your
glass
to
mine.
sip,
kiss,
hug,
kiss.
cheers!
that's all I need.
that's all you want.
that's all I need,
you is all I need.
How can I stop them?
You’re officemates,
You’re soon to be so-called "wife"
How can I keep you from them?
This is all we had,
Saguijo is our crib,
our enchanting place for a couple of hours.
your hand,
slide to mine.
your lips touch mine,
we walk on the street as we own it
we talk under the moon,
waiting for the sun to rise and shine.
but it never happen,
you just escort me to our last stop,
bid your last goodbye.
your last kiss for this week.
wishing for the next round,
next, "see you"
next back to routine,
from ex-lover to mistress but wait.
no *** this time.
congrats.
to the so-called wife.
Oct 1, 2018
Oct 1, 2018 at 12:44 AM UTC
Kung may isang daang tula
Mga tula para kay Stella
Mga tulang sinasaad at nilalathala
Ang puso at mga nadarama
Na nagmula sa isang binata
Isang emosyon, isang daang tula
Para sa kanyang tanging sinisinta
Nais ko ring magsulat, lumikha
Hindi isang daan, kundi isa
Isang may isang daang salita
Mga salitang sana'y sapat na
Hindi ko gustong sumobra pa
Kaya tanging hiling ko talaga
Na kasabay ng mga salita
Maubos na ang aking nadarama
Tinakdang bilang ay nalalapit na
Ngunit bakit iniisip parin kita
Isang daan na, tama na
Pagod na akong mahalin ka
Pagod na ako maging tanga
Aug 24, 2017
Aug 24, 2017 at 10:50 AM UTC
She is sleek , a little battered
scar across her back
but in her silver dress
whoa, never had a girl like that
long legs propel her fast
in any direction I turn her head
She lets me press her buttons
she lets me turn her on
just one flick and she'll be roaring
or one twist and she sits
motionless
When she breaks down
I pick her up, fix her up
god bless
She's hot in summer
frigid in winter and
always in that dress
She soothes me when I'm stressed
blares out my worries when
I've got them on my chest
She yells out songs at
the top of her gravelly voice
or she whispers lullabies
it's my choice
loud, quite, she doesn't care
I could be rich, or broke
she'd still take me anywhere
I've cried in her arms
I've loved in her lap
I even let her wear
my favorite baseball cap
and see my feet
Once she kept me warm
during my sleep
watched my eyes shifting
underneath my lids
If she lasts long enough
someday she could hold my,
my kids
Nov 7, 2012
Nov 7, 2012 at 1:45 AM UTC
Ah the inevitability of it all
Made a cup of tea… teabag broke
toast… burnt it
milk in the cereal was off
shower water went cold
Couldn’t find my jeans…in the wash
Had to wear cords
Missed my train
Late for work
Boss NOT happy
Stella cancelled dinner said she had to work late
Charlie rang to see if I was going to the footy
He said Stella said she was going
When???????????? I asked
Just a minute ago he said
Ah the inevitability of it all
Missed my deadline I was preoccupied
Called and had it out with her
**** off she said
You can **** off too
Missed my train
Home late
Checked mail
Stella sent me a ticket to the footy….
A surprise she said
Ah the inevitability of it all
Married her on a Sunday
Had our first child on a Monday
Divorced on a Tuesday
There’s got to be a better way
Joined online dating scheme
Now I lie with panache
And she sure knows how to tease me
And please me…
Ah the inevitability of it all
Sep 8, 2010
Sep 8, 2010 at 12:43 PM UTC
Ako'y natatawa sa'king nakikita
Lahat ay naging makata pagkatapos ng
100 tula para kay Stella,
Paggawa ng isang akda'y hindi ko minamasama,
Sadyang nagulat lamang ako nang mabasa ang katha ng isang kakilalang itinatakwil ang larangan nang pagsusulat,
Sinasabi nilang sila'y katulad ni Fidel, mahilig magsulat pinglalaruan ang bawat salita
Ngunit bakit taliwas ito sa'king nakikita?
Gayong piyesa nga nina Balagtas, Rizal at Bonifacio ay iyong sinukuan?
Lumikha nga ng isang simpleng sanaysay iyong minumura,
Sinasabing "Ano ang kahalagahan ng tugma't taludturan?"
Kaya sabihin mo nga saakin mahal na kaibigan, nararapat ba talaga kitang tawaging isang manunulat?
Aug 22, 2017
Aug 22, 2017 at 8:11 AM UTC
Ako’y tumutula, malapit sa isang daan na
Pero hindi para sa isang Stella
Na tinutukoy sa magandang pelikula
Bagkus ay para sa isang taong mahalaga -
Siya’y yaong tatlumpu’t limang taon na
Hanggang ngayo’y asawa ko’t kasama,
karugtong na ang binuo naming pamilya
At malimit ring iniuugnay sa bayang umaasa.
Aug 30, 2017
Aug 30, 2017 at 5:22 AM UTC
Almost ruined it
I think she's worthy of a contract my bad you put up with my nonsense.
But I'm calm since you entered in my lineup-- and Common Sense says how about you Come Close
Never mind the chill from the shoulder I would give ya I was younger immature I was failing all my chores and I thought nothing more than when you gave me my allowance and I squirted on your flowers you're my flower girl
But instead of just waking down the isle baby, you on my mind fighting crime and my trust issues
Not limited to one type of style, she got a closet full of weapons-- no misuse
Margiela couldn't handle all this fire power your glass pumps on the dance floor Cinderella so before I seize the moment on this final hour let me start by being true to your Pink Matter.
See I'ma always try to steal a smile or take your heart so I'm trynna be your criminal no subliminal I said I want you front and center with your melanin skin like Tia or Tamera
I've got my grove back I'm feeling kind of Stella got me quitting all my games Michael Jordan after wizards I've finally taken interest so I saying what we doing with this, you finally got me so I'm saying:
I do.
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015 at 12:49 AM UTC
Neon Stella Artois lights and sly hellos
It commenced as we were flew spinning
Ticket stubs and ink -stains
Oh, as our love flirted we both were seeking
Brooklyn Subway stops and ***** clothes
We perched by the equator but only when beginning
Backwards flasks and *******
Then winter solstice was challenged by spring’s springing
Strands of soft pearls and wishing wells
We shivered the anxious touch of a faux July summer’s evening
Empty bar stools and firelight
It was still bitterly February but with the mockery of songbirds floating
Two Thirty Seven A.M. and sea shells
How can the world deceive us in this fashion: fools, we accept ever-knowing
Buttered bread and hindsight
Dawn will crash with frostbite and these daisies will pay the price of their beauty’s sinning
Wine before noon and payphone bills
Wind will eviscerate this moment for once you have touched the sun the ice is more than suffocating
Dry heaving and ribbons
We were only waiting then at the heart of a train station for the stretches of shadows to lengthen
First drags of cigarettes and blue diet pills
The glitter within the dew drops stolen from our tired eyes when our first summer was stolen
Cheap motels and kitchens
We could barely exchange syllables, our melodies quarreling, our blood had thinned
Calendar pages and black lace *******
The euthanasia of the spring would have hung us too if we had breathed it in
The Last calls and lollipops
One can repose more gently in the absence of color than in the theft of sin
Bitten manicured hands and autumn leaves
We used to sleep in a room with wonders, windows, and blankets within
Midnight whispers and rooftops
It was the only place that could soften the swords in all this ruin
****** wrappers and painting supplies
Today is cruel, it cannot be summer if the world doesn’t spin
Happy hour cocktails and goodbyes
Jan 26, 2013
Jan 26, 2013 at 2:16 PM UTC
*There once was a mage named Stella
Who looked just like Cinderella;
She sang with the faeries
And ate lots of berries
Till she was big as a fella!*
Jan 21, 2016
Jan 21, 2016 at 3:38 PM UTC
Stella found a door in the new house
Hidden under the stairs from the adults
A door with a size so small for a crawl
At twelve midnight,
She was attracted to it
Drawn by the bright lights
That shone from within.
In she went, despite just being six
Into the cold narrow corridor
She found a lonely doll
With cheeks so rosy
And laughing eyes so blue
Out with it she crawled
To bond with her new best friend.
From that day,
Mum had nightmares
And dad became prone to accidents
Elder sister almost drowned in the tub
And her brother fell from the tree house
But all the doll did was laugh and laugh.
A laughter she alone could hear
She was scared and slept with it no more
One day, while she was away in school
Doll springs out of her room
Frightens mum who rolled down the stairs and broke her neck.
Elder sister was choked by her own necklace
Little brother gouged his eyes out
Dad set himself and the house ablaze.
And when Aunt came to take her away
Not a second glance did she spare the hateful laughing doll.
Thirty five years later, in her new home
Her daughter, Annabel came running into the room with a happy scream
With the doll held up in her hands.
"Look what I found! I'll call her Annie!"
Taken aback, eyes wide with shock
Those mockiing blue eyes holding hers
Stella clasped the sides of her head
And screamed as the doll began to laugh again!
A laughter only she could always hear.
The doll was back!
To take her beloved family away
Again!
Mar 14, 2017
Mar 14, 2017 at 1:43 AM UTC
Let me breath you in, she said
Every fiber of your being
And let your soul rest in my bed
An open heart, an open mind
You thought you have seen it all
But you have been clearly blind
Her love still lingers inside of you
Run away and embrace what I am, my pleasure and pain
Stare and let me entice you with these eyes of intense blue
I am, as you see, the calmness of a flowing river; calm and tame
And I am, as others cannot see,
An uneasy ocean, with massive and violent waves
A simple, still flower in a garden of smothering weeds
While being a volcano ready for eruption
Exploding, taking you over like ancient Pompeii was to the lava sea
Posso mettere un pò di polvere di stelle nei tuoi occhi
E far entrare un pò di luce nella tua vita
Let us unite in a state of pure ecstasy
Where the world ends, and Heaven starts
Nothing else exists, and there is no more "you and me"
Swallow my body and spirit whole, and take me in
Where there are no laws of physics or society's logicality
Come into my world and leave this one of gray
We can be gods of our universal dimension
Tu sei la mia stella e l'unica cosa a cui penso sempre
Your mind touches me in all restricted places, as you feel the hot temptation
Tu sei un mistero, Tu sei un enigma,
** bisogno del tuo amore, il mio sconosciuto
Io non ti conosco, ma sento la tua anima
We are aliens from our own dreams and imaginations
I am the light and the darkness
Allow me to inhale you and your inner creations
Take me as I am and you will see
That I will heal and fill the hole in your heart
Your weakness will be replaced with love and peace
Be my melody and I will be your harmony
Let us meet in the unknown, a foreign land
Let us die and shed our skin gracefully
Let us take a walk into the infinite
Jan 14, 2014
Jan 14, 2014 at 11:09 PM UTC
Je m'étais endormi la nuit près de la grève.
Un vent frais m'éveilla, je sortis de mon rêve,
J'ouvris les yeux, je vis l'étoile du matin.
Elle resplendissait au fond du ciel lointain
Dans sa blancheur molle, infinie et charmante.
Aquilon s'enfuyait emportant la tourmente.
L'astre éclatant changeait la nuée en duvet.
C'était une clarté qui pensait, qui vivait
Elle apaisait l'écueil où la vague déferle
On croyait voir une âme à travers une perle.
Il faisait nuit encor, l'ombre régnait en vain,
Le ciel s'illuminait d'un sourire divin.
La lueur argentait le haut du mât qui penche ;
Le navire était noir, mais la voile était blanche
Des goélands debout sur un escarpement,
Attentifs, contemplaient l'étoile gravement
Comme un oiseau céleste et fait d'une étincelle
L'océan, qui ressemble au peuple, allait vers elle,
Et rugissant tout bas, la regardait briller,
Et semblait avoir peur de la faire envoler.
Un ineffable amour emplissait l'étendue.
L'herbe verte à mes pieds frissonnait éperdue,
Les oiseaux se parlaient dans les nids ; une fleur
Qui s'éveillait me dit -. c'est l'étoile ma soeur.
Et pendant qu'à longs plis l'ombre levait son voile,
J'entendis une voix qui venait de l'étoile
Et qui disait : - Je suis l'astre qui vient d'abord.
Je suis celle qu'on croit dans la tombe et qui sort.
J'ai lui sur le Sina, j'ai lui sur le Taygète ;
Je suis le caillou d'or et de feu que Dieu jette,
Comme avec une fronde, au front noir de la nuit.
Je suis ce qui renaît quand un monde est détruit.
Ô nations ! je suis la poésie ardente.
J'ai brillé sur Moïse et j'ai brillé sur Dante.
Le lion océan est amoureux de moi.
J'arrive. Levez-vous, vertu, courage, foi !
Penseurs, esprits, montez sur la tour, sentinelles !
Paupières, ouvrez-vous, allumez-vous, prunelles,
Terre, émeus le sillon, vie, éveille le bruit,
Debout, vous qui dormez ! - car celui qui me suit,
Car celui qui m'envoie en avant la première,
C'est l'ange Liberté, c'est le géant Lumière !
Jersey, le 31 août. 1853.
2.6k
You say I'm golden
I say, "that's a lie."
I'm sun-dappled at most
Yet you still smile
In the shadows of my light.
My bad moods loom, solstice
Too often, I ache for heat.
Still, you speak of my radiance
When I feel like a garish Vegas effigy.
In the end, though
I'll let your illusions be.
But, love
Even if you think I'm light's zenith
Being your star
Is enough for me.
Oct 16, 2018
Oct 16, 2018 at 1:13 PM UTC
We live in the unlighted state of America
Where what happens when we turn the lights off
Is dealt with darkness
And matters of delicate touch
Are treated with sharpness
When our only language
Is to inflict anguish
We cut connections in the bedroom
To clear our cynical head room
For contempt and judgement
People looking for a feeling to fall into
Or a reason to live
Must face frigid climates
When the public invades privacy
And ill fated ****** exploits
Pervade salacious tabloids
Our ****** regrets
Cut the deepest
Society reaps them
Sowing us together with resentment
We provide each other with relief
But not the relief we're looking for
We give each other hours of relief
Until those useless hours become days
And those fruitless days become years
That engender endless tears
As it remains warm in our car
But the winter outside freezes anything that breaks the plane
And our air conditioning only helps so much
When the spinning wheels are in our faces
There is a national coverage in the media
That presents a bleak picture of the ****** health of America
I feel I sit somewhere in between
*** offenders and a disgusted public
When I observe the observers
Who are too scared shitless to ever face their own emotions
Judge those for overindulging in their emotions
They lived their life in fear and safety
So they could be the righteous ones
To admonish the risk takers and mistake makers
Yet they are of the least value to humanity
They're the people who grade all your answers as incorrect
Without providing their perfect alternatives
While trying to erase the context
Because of what the context has to say about society
People feeling that they can never be emotionally vulnerable
Until they experience sheer desperation
And no dollar contract
Can replace human contact
Yet we give men so much money and power
And ask them to feel fine in our cold shower
Until we are soiled by their intention
A nation committed to selling Stella Artois
A nation full of Blanche DuBois
Humanity folds in on itself
When we attack with ***
Humanity does itself a disservice
By not trying to understand these attacks honestly
We forsake forgiveness
And embrace desperation
Until we become unbearably desperate
For attention
For approval
For ****** contact
For money
For validation
And sometimes our desperate desires become tangled
I'd like to think of that as love
And not a meeting between two practical rapists
That conjoin in the middle
Yet somehow come out distorted on the other side
Nov 26, 2017
Nov 26, 2017 at 4:55 AM UTC
mini
[=small car]
mal
[=preface
as in 'malformed']
minim
[=musical note]
al
[=aluminium]
minimalism
is
art
in
its
simplest
form
its
fundamental
features
in
words
[start again from the top]
[read beckett]
in
art
[look at stella]
[look at judd]
in
music
[listen]
[hear]
[each]
[note]
May 10, 2013
May 10, 2013 at 3:01 PM UTC
Seven "Wire" girls
One after the other,
Before being blessed
With our baby brother,
Seven "Wire" girls
The first was Elise,
Followed by Annie
Before Margaret made three,
Ruby arrived in the middle
As the case may be,
Not to be left behind
Along came Mimi,
Sweet Stella and Mary
Brought up the rear,
Before the appearance
Of brother D.G. so dear,
All the children
Of Maggie and J.B.,
Now you know as much as me
About our family genealogy.
August 8, 1995
2k
(Written in 8th Grade)
As I grew up along-side of memories, I realized that my name grew with me; shaping and morphing itself into who I am today. But wouldn’t it be fun to not be me for a single day? Not have the name, Alice? I could be someone smiling bright, maybe Melina. Or might I try on the name Jessie. Nah, too laid back and chill; so I take the name off and put it back on it’s hanger. I could be haughty and proud, with my nose in the air; I could be a Penelope. I window-shop for more names, browsing among all the different personalities. Fern seems fun, friendly and cordial. Or I might stick around and act as a Sam. Boyish? Aw yeah. Just maybe not for me. I’ll be Stella, all book-sharp for a day or I could be a Chloé, exotic and beautiful. Or switch my style into the retro girly Natalie. What would it be, to have the name Katie, just for a day? Zoey, Liana, Stacy, Diane. Isabelle, Marilyn, Delia, Hannah. Maybe give my name an exotic twist, Alyssa? After trying on names of all kind, some just weren’t for me. Too ‘krazy’? Shy? Ecstatic? Cool? Like a huge circus parade with different costumes, the loud gaudy colors blinding me. Like all the different shoes at Aldo’s; sky-high heels, wedges, sandals, boots. I slip out the shoes, I peel off the names. Because for now, I’d like to stay in my own skin; as a plain old Alice.
May 7, 2014
May 7, 2014 at 8:41 AM UTC
Tamla Motown,
my soccer team Tottenham
for so many sweet memories,
my old girlfriend Stella ... I know
I should have Stella,
I know,
tigers,
brown bears & the lowly centipede,
Charlie Chaplin, that old ****** son of a gun,
Laurel & Hardy, just because ...
Tarkovsky movies ... Toshiro Mifune,
anything with custard,
apple pie,
fresh bread,
Indian folks for the way they
shake their heads for yes,
Indian folks for their god
that charming Ganesh,
books,
Sci-fi movies ... lots of them anyway,
children laughing,
children playing,
& thus playgrounds,
serious folks who pay attention,
Anarchists ... of course,
my old grannie for her
attentions,
English food when it actually
works,
trees,
birds, bees,
old Chinese folks up at dawn
to collect cans,
& my Facebook friends,
take care you all now.
Mar 31, 2017
Mar 31, 2017 at 5:30 PM UTC
The First. My great-grandfather spoke to Edmund Burke
In Grattan's house.
The Second. My great-grandfather shared
A pot-house bench with Oliver Goldsmith once.
The Third. My great-grandfather's father talked of music,
Drank tar-water with the Bishop of Cloyne.
The Fourth. But mine saw Stella once.
The Fifth. Whence came our thought?
The Sixth. From four great minds that hated Whiggery.
The Fifth. Burke was a Whig.
The Sixth. Whether they knew or not,
Goldsmith and Burke, Swift and the Bishop of Cloyne
All hated Whiggery; but what is Whiggery?
A levelling, rancorous, rational sort of mind
That never looked out of the eye of a saint
Or out of drunkard's eye.
The Seventh. All's Whiggery now,
But we old men are massed against the world.
The First. American colonies, Ireland, France and India
Harried, and Burke's great melody against it.
The Second. Oliver Goldsmith sang what he had seen,
Roads full of beggars, cattle in the fields,
But never saw the trefoil stained with blood,
The avenging leaf those fields raised up against it.
The Fourth. The tomb of Swift wears it away.
The Third. A voice
Soft as the rustle of a reed from Cloyne
That gathers volume; now a thunder-clap.
The Sixtb. What schooling had these four?
The Seventh. They walked the roads
Mimicking what they heard, as children mimic;
They understood that wisdom comes of beggary.
1.9k
have I not held a fruit
in so long?
one that is this organic and whole
an apple
a good grip, a solid fit
like a hand
another hand to hold
that I had not held
but had wished to hold
more longingly than a piece
of fruit;
which speaks directly to
my orthorexia
in loud blows of
chicken-bone-in-my-throat
yelps and laments
it screams:
**I WOULD RATHER HOLD AN ICE CREAM CONE
IN ONE HAND IF I GOT TO HOLD YOUR HAND
WITH MY OTHER HAND THAN HOLD A DUMB
APPLE IN MY HAND WITH THE OTHER EMPTY**
an apple
a good grip, a solid fit
my eyes watch the bulb in your throat bounce
up and down
when you laugh
(you laugh more than most people do
and I love that about you);
when you silently swallow
after nodding and listening, engaging
my eyes with
the rings of your deep brown irises;
when you gulp down a gin & tonic or Stella
or horrid spiced wine gone luke warm from the cold rain;
I watch the apple bounce
up and down;
a good grip, a solid fit,
I’d throw it away (any day)
to curl my fingers around an ice cream cone
Oct 18, 2012
Oct 18, 2012 at 12:00 AM UTC
The morning after I killed myself, I woke up
I walked up the creaky stairs and made myself coffee
My favorite Dunkin Donuts cup, filled to the top with ice, coffee left out from the night before, and chocolate milk
I wiped the coffee off the counter and filled the dishwasher
I added salt to my avocado with eggs and toast
I sluggishly made my bed
The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love
Not with the girl I talk to everyday on my phone
Or the grocer who always smiled extra long at me
I fell in love with my mother as she sat in my room,
Looking through each notebook, looking for all the signs
Dusting off the rainbow flag I never took out of it's packaging
I fell in love with my brother, who worked desperately at the construction site,
Making new things as he tried to forget I wasn’t there to say “How was work?"
When he comes home
I fell in love with my niece,
Texting my friends what happened,
Crying in the same room we laughed and had sleepovers in
I watched the family dogs,
Who pointed their nose when squirrels run past
I saw the empty space in Stella’s eyes
When she jumped on my bed to snuggle and there was nothing under the covers
I saw the coldness in Maple's heart as she searched and searched my room for me
How Mama cuddled into the blankets, waiting for me
I stood by as she protected my Mom during walks, just as she used to do for me
I picked the purple flowers and some dandelions on the side of the house
And put them where I used to sit in the woods
The morning after I killed myself, I stayed up all night to watch the sun come up
The morning after I killed myself, I went to the morgue and gazed at that body
Wondered if death was truly worth it
I carefully touched all the scars, all the markings no one ever saw but us
I told him about the avocado toast, the friends, the dogs, the woods, and his family
I told him about the sunsets and the brother and the warm blankets
The morning after I killed myself, I cried and cried
Nov 15, 2021
Nov 15, 2021 at 4:19 PM UTC