old or new,
where's your's -the blanket to love
to care for me,
the sad swirl,
shhh is a lightning's way-
and it made me smile a little.
Clouds of ambrosia, food of the gods,
Glow pink in this evening light—
Sweet against a velvet blue;
The sun burns the air in fiery orange,
Deeply luminescent like hot metal,
Iron cast ablaze.
I stare at it in awe until my vision goes
Spotted black and green, colors born anew
With each dark
You are the almost-silent
of my coffee-stained summer.
You are the clear and tender
plucking of guitar strings
on a lazy afternoon;
With sunlight streaming through
the painted window,
just bright enough to fill the room
but gentle enough to fall asleep to;
with the smell of everything we love—
caffeine and chocolate and banana muffins—
seemingly coursing through our veins
with every breath we take;
with the daydream of
in the haze, in the silence
I proceed to the only thing
I know how to do
at this hour of day:
I stare at the cars passing by,
all the while wishing
I was staring at you instead.
Looking up at the ceiling;
Its all I could do to keep myself busy. Sometimes I'll find myself staring into walls trying to think of what to think of. Sometimes, everything just feels like a ******* mess. My room, my face, my clothes, my body, my hair, my head. I try to clean it up, but where tf am I supposed to put all this ****??
late-ish night thoughts?
Everyone is staring
You're trying so hard to stay standing
But your heart is racing
Instead of walking straight
You start wobbling
Your eyes begin to strain
You start feeling as if you just gained a lot of weight
Your heart sinks as you run away
You have to hide
You musn't let them see
The you that is scared to be seen
You feel like you can't even breathe
Your lungs are tightening
As you sink down against a wall
and take into the fetal postion
Just cry, maybe someday it'll be alright.
I'm staring up at the sky
from a hole six feet down
even while the rest assume
that I'm more than deceased
a harsh word that's still true
ideation has consumed
remnants of a loving life
now only found in living souls
return me to eternal rest
even while my life is hoaxed
sharing space with a world
then waiting for the dirt to fall
the shell resides while I weep
tears transparent on my skin
the drowning have a better chance
to survive beyond the flood
even while I sleep-walk
stagger upright for a time
evoking forms may confuse
when my desires finally fruit
if you chose to turn away
please put the marker on my grave
while I look up at the sky
just one last time as I pass.
© 2019. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20190322.
The poem “Staring Up” is a sad view of suicidal ideation. I had a conversation with a friend regarding the normative view of life. People assume that other people will, short of a terrible event, will show up from day-to-day. A person with ideation can never promise this outcome, even as the world expects the previous regularity.
Admire the proportions, the features, the confidence.
These are supposed to define the ideal male.
These things have nothing to with my perception of ideal.
When I put myself in that position.
I call myself Michelangelo, David in front of me.
I admire his proportions, his features, his confidence.
I throw myself so far into the fantasy, reality becomes a fog.
Enamored by him, his features, our closeness.
I am entranced by him, we transcend into the unknown.
I return to reality, and realize that I've gone too far.
I can't take back the words I've said,
or the time I've spent staring into his eyes.
But I'm no Michelangelo and he is not David.
My inspiration is much closer to my heart.
The love in my heart.
The passion beneath the gaze.
I've gotten in trouble before
though it hasn't been for awhile
For a shirt too low
or a short too short.
And I took time out of my day
For boys who couldn’t stop staring.
stop staring at me
I won't tell you again
you're freaking me out
get the **** away
it's a ******* mirror
I'm looking in
a ******* mirror
you crazy *****
you crazy ******* *****
you rearranged my room
you touched my ******* mirror
Sometimes it hurts to think.
I'm driving around in my hometown
I saw this old park that me and my friends would run and laugh and play at all the time.
We played cops and robbers
We acted like knights in strong armor and princesses with glittery dresses and we all slayed the dragons
Well now here I am staring at this old swing set that no one swings on anymore.
I used to think that I could touch the clouds with my feet if I swung high enough.
There is something so lively about a group of kids laughing and playing on a playground.
There is something so eerie about an old empty playground where no one goes.
That playground used to be so alive.
Now the swing creaks as it sways in the slight breeze.
You can almost hear faint whispers of the kids laughing from years before.
Now all those kids are adults with lives and responsibilities that are much more important than slaying a dragon.
The wood has splinters that get stuck in your fingers.
It is not shiny and fun anymore.
It used to be new
But I have found that everything changes eventually.
I wish people didn't leave so unexpectedly.
Anyways I am just rambling
but next time you see a playground
just try to look away.
it hurts to think too long
I am so sad. So many people keep dying
If you're looking up at the sky tonight
Know, that you can surely win your fight.
If you're staring at the vast night above
Know, that you can make it, that you are loved.
If you're waiting in the dark, guided by stars
Know, your destination is never too far.
If you only see lies, searching for what is true,
Know that I'm just as clueless, looking up, with you.
Lemon drop notes play across my lips
Spring is here
The grass is velvet green
White gold dances in our eyes as we look towards the sky
We sip sweet tea
And listen to an old radio
Out on the back porch
Staring over the fence
Sugary laughter comes from the fields
The light comes early
And the birds sing like honey
Isnt it sweet
Lie to me
**** with my head
On the edge of the cliff
Then you pull me to bed
Your love is a drug
*** with you gets me high
I’m a full blown ******
Makes no sense; don’t know why
You're an ever present torment
The fission laser splitting my mind
A jig-saw puzzle that was completed
Slowly each piece from each piece you unbind
Seductively you tear me down
Like the clothing you disrobe
A deer staring into headlights
I am frozen on the road
The weight of the world bearing down on me
As those focused beams get closer
Gladly I welcome them
Even though I’m not supposed to
Every rational thought I have
tells me how wrong you are for me
But they are drowned and muffled out
No more thoughts; keep your pennies
No sensible way to explain
Why I ******* love you so much
You’re a psychotic crazy *****
that I don’t want anyone else to touch
A blowtorch ignites a flame
A fire fierce and burning bright
Even though I know it will burn me
With all my gathered strength and might
All it takes from you is that look
You cast that Vampire’s gaze and grin
Instantaneously my defenses lowered
and you know you’ve ****** me in
Immerse myself into the flame
Intense pain you melt my skin
Until pain I feel no more
I’m enveloped in your sin
And like a ****** choosing dope
Everyday your sin I’ll take
I will gladly sell my soul
The most egregious of mistakes
A preying succubus appears
like a dreamy demoness
A world of dreams are turned to nightmares
Fills her needs for human flesh
Written: February 19, 2018
All rights reserved.
I slip the straps and release the clasp
of your over-the-shoulder boulder holder.
Gravity asserts itself, and you sigh as
I wonder if I should get even bolder
The jaws of love masquerade
as petals of a flower
Did you know
I'll get a *******
if I visit
your front garden
Just say if you want me to stop.
We are, after all, in the middle of a shop.
I was attracted when I saw you smile.
As we passed in the frozen food aisle.
Now people are staring though the window.
Shocked at my nonchalant innuendo.
And if your purse metaphor extends to this.
We can go to the Bank for a little kiss
I may not be able to afford
nine feather mattresses and a golden pea.
But if you could make do
with a lilo and a marble
You've pulled Princess.
© Pagan Paul (30/05/17)
Prequel to Even Poets ***** Up A Date (Mar 31)
The 3rd, Even Poets ***** Up A Night Of ***, to be published at some point.
standing like my father
staring into nothing
no, not nothing
spuds , the kettle,
You broke my wings
You dragged me down
With every word you let me down
Nearly touching the ground
I knew what I had to do
Escape from you
Yet I kept listening to your lies
Staring death right in the eye
You dropped me down a cliff
Down in the water
I couldn't breathe
Still under deep water
I try to find my way out of the dark
On the edge of the cliff I imagine
You watched me fall with a smirk
I can still see the smile on your face
It was my turn to fly
But you cut out my wings and threw me down
Give me back my freedom
I've been drowning for too long,
Release me now
I would do anything to swim back out
A year ago I found my way back out. Tonight I found this poem and realized how far I have come. You didn't destroy me.
I’m wearing these shades, to hide my face.
Since you’re all staring so hard;
watching me just in case,
maybe I’ll slip up,
or reveal a hidden mistake.
Hanging onto my every word
“What does that mean?”
“How can we be sure?”
I'm not your t.v show,
don’t put me on your pedestal.
I’m not your savior,
I can’t heal your soul.
I never asked for this,
so go turn your head;
quit looking at my mess,
or waiting for what I say next.
And go save yourself,
because I can’t help.
i hope one day
i could stop
staring at the stars
in your eyes
to look away
to finally look up
and see the whole universe
beyond my sight.
focusing on something too much may cause us to neglect and not see what else is out there.