Daddy, where'd you go?
I can't find you
Haven't we played hide n seek long enough?
I need my dad
I don't think these games are so much fun anymore
Daddy,
What did I do?
Why do you look at me with eyes full of disappointment?
The words you speak are so angry, so violent
You make me feel so small.... I want to go hide again
Daddy,
Why did you hurt mommy?
How could you let me see that side of you?
Is it because, she's better than you?
Did you get mad that you couldn't just love unconditionally?
Are you still playing hide n seek with your dad?
You broke my heart that day daddy
That's the day you stopped being my daddy
Dad,
How is it you can't say sorry, and really wish you hadn't hurt me so?
When you hear me pour out my heart to you, tears flooding my face
Eyes burning red, and hardly able to catch my breath
You remain cold, silent unchanged
You're sorry
Lets never forget that... That you're sorry I feel this way
You're sorry I want you to explain why you hurt mommy?
And why you've never looked at me with pride in your eyes?
Dad,
You're so clueless to the damage you have done
A little girl needs her father
He's supposed to show her how a man is supposed to treat her like a princess
But, that was impossible, for you are the monster that guards the castle
You taught me things
You taught me love hurts
Love leaves
Love bleeds
And that the word love can mean nothing, even though its such a powerful word
Dad,
That was years ago
But, I carried around what I saw, what I heard and the feeling of your breath on my face when I displeased you
I grew up backwards
I thought craziness, pain and drama was the norm
As much as I despised you
As much as I hated even saying the word "dad"
If there was anyone around that was remotely like you
Anyone who yelled, pushed, threatened or verbally beat me so low I could barely stand
I let them in my life and said "oh I'm finally in love"
Father,
Don't get confused
Don't get my words twisted
This is far from all your fault
I stayed in the relationships that caused me extreme amounts of heartache
My mistakes in life will always be mine
But, if you dare try and say your hands clean, I may show you another thing or two I learned from you "daddy"
The corner was the safest place until I finally got away
And clung to mommy to save me from the bad man
She became mom and dad
She filled your shoes way better than you ever could
Are you still sorry I feel that way?
Father,
This has gone on too long
Chasing acceptance and love from a man who didn't get it himself,
So how could he give it back right?
No. But, that's what you say to help you sleep at night
My hatred and anger towards you consumed me for many of my years
Everything lead back to, why doesn't he love me?
Why doesn't he want me?
Mom, what did I do wrong?
These were answers she didn't have answers for
So she just loved me more to try and make the void you created go away
Biological father,
Many things have changed over the years
I'm cracked, but no longer broken by the words you said, or couldn't say
I don't care about that look of disappointment in your eyes
Trust me, my disappointment for you is much stronger and much more powerful than the "standards" of yours I didn't fulfill
I haven't seen you in so long
I don't think I can remember the last time we spoke
Most of the time, I can't seem to fill in time when I've thought of you
You don't deserve my time
You aren't worth my words
And you'll never understand what I think
My life is a mystery to you
Daddy,
I will leave this world the same way I came in it to you
A person crying with wide eyes
Wide curious eyes that never really saw you
A person with no words that you'd understand
Someone who simply just needed you to show up
To say "I love you"
But, I suppose even adults can't say things they don't understand
Daddy,
It's round two of hide n seek
I'm going to hide first this time
I'll hide for a minute
Then I'll quietly get up and slip away
You'll never be the wiser
You'll wonder how I got so good at this game
Well, don't you know what a great teacher I had?
The further I go, the clearer the skies get
The breeze is warm and inviting, the house I walk into has the door open, in fact, it's always been open
Eventually, you'll realize I'm not hiding, I left you without saying goodbye
Your eyes will fill with disappointment and your voice will shake with anger because, it's the only emotion you know how to express
My blank stare won't make it better
Taunting in a way
You'll open your mouth to really let me know how I am
But, ssshhh daddy
It's ok
I'm sorry you feel that way
