You said you'd always love me.
And you never did.
You said you'd always be there.
And you never were.
You said you'd help me get through life.
And you never helped at all.
My only question is "how?"
How did you manage to aid in my creation,
stand there in the hospital room when I was born,
hold me when I was only a child,
and then leave me?
How could you sit in a jail cell,
knowing I was alone,
without a father,
without anyone to even model one for me?
How could you repeat your mistakes,
knowing how much it would affect me,
knowing how much it would affect my mother,
and my younger sister?
How could you leave me alone,
without a care in the world,
without a meaningful existence in my life,
without the slightest feeling of love from you?
Was I a reminder of your long lost youth?
Did I threaten your freedom?
You're supposed to embrace that your era is over,
that it was time to let your kingdom fall.
When you have a child,
you're supposed to love them.
I never felt that from you.
Instead, you left.
I thought I was over this,
writing about you,
missing you,
crying because you'll never love me like you should.
I guess some feelings just never die down,
especially not abandonment from someone
who's never supposed to leave you.
Most girls my age share stories of how their fathers
taught them how to fix cars,
or threatened to **** the boy who took their virginity.
The only thing I have to share of you is your never ending abandonment, sorriness, and the resentment I have for you because of them.
They think I'm crazy,
to hate the man who made me.
It's not crazy,
it's just justice.
f.m.s.
When will I ever stop feeling this way? I guess we'll never know. But until I do, all I can do is cry and write.
